Husband & Wife Mug Set and Coaster

Research shows that 70% of the couples who were extremely unhappy in their marriage, but hung in there and worked through the tough time, identified themselves as being very happy five years later.

When you come home after you have been apart, the first few moments of reconnecting will set the tone for the rest of the evening.

When a wife insists that her husband earn her respect, she puts him in a lose-lose situation.

Assume goodwill about the person you are in conflict with.

You speak lovingly or respectfully no matter how your spouse may speak to you in return. Your spouse is not the reason--good or bad--why you speak unconditional words of love or respect. God is the reason, and as you depend on Him, you will become increasingly able to speak lovingly and respectfully to your spouse.

When you relinquish an offense, you need to send that offense somewhere. So follow Jesus’ example and release it to your heavenly Father.

When others do not respond to our communication, we need to look first at our communication style. Is the other person incapable of hearing what we have to say? Or are we abrupt, brusque, and curt?

Thank the Lord for all the trouble-free moments in which you and your spouse enjoy Him, each other, your family, your ministry and life as a whole. Ask Him for the strength to accept your measure of trouble, and the wisdom to deal with the annoyances and irritations by loving and respecting each other with new commitment. (You may also want to pray about troubles at work, at church, with the children…) “But those who marry will have trouble in this life” (1 Corinthians 7:28)

Parenting is a faith venture. As we parent “unto Christ” we reap God’s reward, “knowing that whatever good anyone does, he will receive the same from the Lord” (Eph. 6:8 NKJV)

Truth will carry its own weight if delivered respectfully and lovingly.

When we feel crippling discouragement by the sinful choices and outcomes of our kids, we must not let this permanently deter us from parenting God’s way.

His love motivates her respect. Her respect motivates his love.

Your spouse can affect you, but your spouse does not control you.

Wives, you never know: The way you handle this [conflict] might bring your husband not only back to you, but to God. Husbands, you never know: The way you handle this [conflict] might bring your wife not only back to you, but to God. (1 Corinthians 7:16)

“Living happily ever after” means knowing how to deal with the imperfect parts of life.

The key to motivating another person is meeting their deepest need, especially during conflict.

You must “ask God from the wealth of his glory to give you power through his Spirit to be strong in your inner selves.”

She’ll feel at peace with you when you let her vent your frustrations and hurts and don’t get angry and close her off.

We blame people for the bad things we do, but take credit for the good things we do.

To stay the course in speaking words of Love and Respect, keep your heart in Scripture, trusting in and talking about His promises to help you.

Do you bow to the influence of Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?

Don’t conclude that your spouse is wrong when he/she is seeking to do the right and righteous thing.

You may believe that the careless, unloving or disrespectful words you speak are because your spouse is causing you to speak this way, but Jesus says that it is coming out of your heart.

Clearly, in the marriage, in the family and in the household, when you speak words of blessing, you are speaking to the Lord, and for this you will be rewarded.

Optimism or pessimism? It is always a choice, no matter what your natural temperament.

Words of Love and Respect must include thankfulness spoken to or about your spouse; don’t fixate on weaknesses and faults.

It is hard to be negative while being thankful.

You cannot use unholy means to achieve a worthy end.

Avoid like the plague trying to punish each other as a means of “motivation.” Christ-followers instinctively know that this destroys any opportunity to act out of reverence for Christ. In all marital issues, love and reverence for Christ must be our primary motivation.

Just because you’re offended doesn’t mean the other person is offensive.

Can you begin to trust that God feels love for you even when you don’t feel that love?

Knowing my spouse will not be able to love or respect me perfectly, I commit to having a forgiving spirit so that I may never speak hatefully or contemptuously.

How we react to a situation reveals more about us than about the other person.

Never give up. If you want to have a strong marriage, you need to accept temporary setbacks as part of the game.

Do not live by the standards of Hollywood; trust what God says in His Holy Word.

When there is confusion, I try to refrain from attacking another for not listening carefully (which may not be the case). Instead, I take a run at communicating again, but more clearly.

You can experience hurt, but it is your choice to hate.

When a wife feels unloved, it can be such a shock to her heart that she is oblivious to her disrespectful reactions toward her husband, though any man watching could see it plainly.

Always try to look at your spouse the way Jesus does.

Responding to offensive words or actions with your own offensive words and actions is damaging and unproductive.

When the wife flatly says her husband will have to earn her respect before she gives him any, she leaves the husband in a lose-lose situation. Now he is responsible for both love and respect in the relationship. He must unconditionally love his wife and earn her respect.

At the very bottom of things, in every case and in every conversation, you can do your marriage a huge favor by assuming she is seeking to feel loved or he is seeking to feel respected and give your spouse some grace!

When your wife comes to talk to you, listen to her. Realize she is coming to you because you matter more to her than anyone else. She has certain emotional needs and only you can meet them. Sometimes she may say things that don’t make sense to you and she is apt to misspeak and exaggerate when she is upset, but don’t put her down. Instead, listen to her heart. Give her a chance to express her concerns and, as she does so, don’t try to fix her. Don’t give her your solutions unless she asks for them.

The moment we cry to Him for help, He is already pleased. He gives us strength to love our children.

Always remember that Pink and Blue have different wiring, different preferences. Assume your spouse has goodwill toward you, no matter what. Both of you can be right, while being different.

[Women], as you enter quiet dignity, not preaching at your husband or scolding him as though you were his mother, something happens in his soul as a male.

Mistakes can’t be undone, but they can be forgiven.

When you love or respect unconditionally regardless of the outcome, you are following God and His will for you.

Your wife feels you are open with her when you discuss financial concerns, possible job changes or ideas for your future.

There is a plan to parent God’s way, even when our children may seek to go their own way at time. The secret is to follow this plan regardless. When you do, I believe you succeed in His eyes.

We have different vulnerabilities. We can pass judgment on one another all day long or we can say God made us different and that’s ok.

Often the apparent issue isn’t the real issue; the real issue is always a matter of love or respect.

If you want your husband to express appreciation for your attempts to be respectful, you must speak thankfully when he tries to be loving.

As a wife, if you can start to understand how important your husband’s work is to him, you will take a giant step toward communicating respect and honor, two things that he values even more than your love.

[Women], your self-love cannot be derived from your husband’s love. It can affect it, but it does not determine it.

Don’t label each other as bad because you differ on how you solve your troubles.

Thank the Lord that in the very beginning He created them male and female – Blue and Pink. Ask Him for patience and ever-growing understanding of how men and women see and hear differently. “He created them male and female, and He blessed them.” (Genesis 5:2)

Being a person who communicates what is true frequently demands tact, and at times it can feel like sidestepping land mines. It takes work to be both truthful and tactful.

Your spouse has a need only you can fill.

The mature one in the marriage seldom moves second.

There is a discrepancy between who we want to be and see ourselves to be and how we actually sound in voice and writing. But with self-reflection and honesty, we can turn the corner and improve our communication. We need only evaluate what we are about to communicate.

No matter how difficult your spouse may be at the moment, your spouse does not have control over your reaction; you do. You may be experiencing disappointment, frustration or anger, but you always have a choice. A wife can choose to be disrespectful or respectful. A husband can choose to be unloving or loving.

Wives, to energize your husband do an activity with him, shoulder-to-shoulder, without talking.

Your spouse deserves the truth from you. Do your best to tell it with love and respect.

Each of you must focus on what God is calling you to do toward your spouse. Do not focus on what you think God is calling your spouse to do toward you.

Good intentions do not always produce good words or outcomes.

Feeling unloved, a wife gets defensive and acts offensively without respect. Feeling disrespected, a husband gets defensive and acts offensively without love.

The Crazy Cycle is, indeed “the evil of folly and the foolishness of madness” (Ecclesiastes 7:25)

God rewards your obedience to love and respect, even if your spouse does not respond!

Words of Love or Respect must uplift your spouse, edifying- never manipulating him or her.

Refuse to let evil turn you into a contemptuous and hateful person.

We all need to wrestle with the spiritual truth that God is good. If you don’t believe God is good, you won’t trust His word. If you don’t trust His word, you will find excuses to ignore His commands.

Troubles over sex and money do not cause a marriage to go under. The lack of love and respect during conflict cause the marriage to go under.

It’s true that women have intuition and that men should listen to them. It’s also true that women have blind spots and need the insight of their husbands.

Recognize your different gifts--how each of you (Pink and Blue) functions according to God’s perfect design.

Suppressing negative feelings is not loving, respectful or very wise. Speak up tactfully.

Words of love from a husband are like good medicine that brings life to the marriage.

No matter what your struggle- criticism, constant conflict, sex, money, parenting, harsh words- learning to communicate the Love and Respect way can help you make crucial changes and build the kind of relationship that God blesses.

Research and experience prove that men and women see and hear differently. Recognizing these differences and adjusting to them is absolutely necessary for reaching mutual understanding and better communication.

Above all trust God when the “whys” of life threaten to overwhelm you.

Both Judas and Peter denied Jesus Christ, but there is a huge difference between a Judas and a Peter.

We might say that every negative action in the family has an equal and opposite negative reaction.

If a husband is commanded to agape- love his wife, then she truly needs love.

Before hitting send, ask yourself, "Have I listened carefully and understand the exact issue on the table?"

Do you give yourself grace and your spouse judgment?

When sorting out how to slow down the Crazy Cycle, it helps to remember that men are commanded to love because they don’t love naturally, and on the other side, women are commanded to respect because they don’t respect naturally.

Money squabbles don’t undermine love and respect; they simply reveal unloving and disrespectful attitudes, which are the real reason why a marriage can start to wobble on the Crazy Cycle.

Stay the course regardless of the child’s respect and obedience. This is the Family Rewarded Cycle: a parents love unto Christ regardless of the child.

A man has a natural, inborn desire to go out and “conquer” the challenges of his world – to work and achieve.

When confronting your spouse, attack the behavior, not the person.

Life is too short to fuss and fret over trivial irritations.

We have discovered that as women motivate their man God’s way, men are energized to love them better. It doesn’t matter if your marriage is good or seems like there is no hope. We have seen God move in powerful ways even when things looked hopeless.

I often stress that one of the greatest rewards any persevering spouse can have is being a good example and influence on the children in the family.

Christian maturity involves a lot of things, but surely it includes knowing how to process your anger.

Holding back your love or respect will just keep the Crazy Cycle spinning away, but being mature and making the first move could slow it down.

Your wife will feel esteemed when you speak highly of her in front of others.

To get offended is easy, but to forgive is within your power as you walk in His steps.

We easily see what is done to us before we see what we are doing to our mate.

Mutual understanding, not communication, is the key to a healthy marriage relationship.

When you look to God and His Word as your ultimate source of significance and security, you don’t demand that your spouse take that role in your life. And as you draw strength from the Lord individually, He draws you closer together as a couple.