Husband & Wife Mug Set and Coaster

[Husbands] the most powerful weapons you have are your ears. Just listen to your wife, and she is much more likely to feel understood.

Assume goodwill about the person you are in conflict with.

To not forgive is to shoot yourself in the foot and put extra gas in the Crazy Cycle.

When a husband feels disrespected, it is especially hard to love his wife. When a wife feels unloved, it is especially hard to respect her husband.

To stay the course in speaking words of Love and Respect, keep your heart in Scripture, trusting in and talking about His promises to help you.

As mature men, we need to take leadership and put this out on the table. We must acknowledge our feelings- we need to feel respected. However, as we do this we must acknowledge our wife’s feelings- she needs to feel loved!

Share what God is saying to your heart, not what you think He needs to say to your mate.

Never give up. If you want to have a strong marriage, you need to accept temporary setbacks as part of the game.

The more we are upset at something, the wiser it is to let twenty-four hours pass before responding.

[Husbands] as the church places her burdens on Christ, so a woman needs to place her burdens on her husband. When she shares with you, don’t assume she is asking you to solve the problem. Ask your wife, “Do you want a solution or a listening ear?”

We can all have moments of anger, but this does not mean we have to lose control and sin.

Our research shows that couples who pray together are more apt to reap all kinds of benefits, including better and more frequent communication, going on “dates” more frequently and having sex more frequently.

Just because you may feel unloved or disrespected does not mean your spouse is sending that message.

We fool ourselves into thinking the other person causes us to be the way we are. They really don’t! But if we lock into that idea, we become helpless, hopeless victims.

Optimism or pessimism? It is always a choice, no matter what your natural temperament.

Above all trust God when the “whys” of life threaten to overwhelm you.

You can be right but wrong at the top of your voice.

Christian maturity involves a lot of things, but surely it includes knowing how to process your anger.

No matter how difficult your spouse may be at the moment, your spouse does not have control over your reaction; you do. You may be experiencing disappointment, frustration, or anger, but you always have a choice.

It’s hard to realize that we would never act around our business associates the way we act around our spouse.

Your wife will feel esteemed when you speak highly of her in front of others.

God is not pink. God is not blue. God is purple. When two become one, they have the potential of displaying God’s attributes and character.

We are either going to give in the darkness or we are going to give into the darkness.

God is not trying to trick you or mess with you. Trust that He wants to reveal Himself to you just as much as He wants to reveal Himself to the world.

Since it is easy to focus on the negative, focus on your mate’s good qualities and express thanks with positive words of Love or Respect.

Do you believe that there is a God who really loves you and wants to help you?

Research and experience prove that men and women see and hear differently. Recognizing these differences and adjusting to them is absolutely necessary for reaching mutual understanding and better communication.

Don’t label each other as bad because you differ on how you solve your troubles.

Thank God for His forgiveness of your mistakes. In trying to be a loving man or a respectful woman, we blow it. Owning up to mistakes is never easy, but it is always the way to move forward. Take good care not to accuse your spouse of mistakes as you pray. Also, pray about any forgiving to be done in the family, any forgiveness that needs to be asked. Children may need forgiveness (and what about Mom and Dad?). “There is no one on earth who does what is right all the time and never makes a mistake.” (Ecclesiastes 7:20)

When we feel crippling discouragement by the sinful choices and outcomes of our kids, we must not let this permanently deter us from parenting God’s way.

To build a lasting legacy, use proven wisdom that you glean from the Lord.

We are worth Jesus to the Father.

If husbands and wives are to understand the Love and Respect Connection, they must realize that they communicate in code. And the problem is, they don’t know how to decipher the messages they send to one another.

Accentuate the positive and eliminate the negative with lots of love and respect in between.

When a wife feels unloved, it can be such a shock to her heart that she is oblivious to her disrespectful reactions toward her husband, though any man watching could see it plainly.

Whether visiting a prison, feeding the hungry, giving the thirsty a drink or speaking a word of love or respect, everything is to be done to and for Christ.

If a husband is commanded to agape- love his wife, then she truly needs love.

We might say that every negative action in the family has an equal and opposite negative reaction.

Accidental sparks (unwise remarks) ignite and fuel a fire, and vroom goes the Crazy Cycle.

When you love or respect unconditionally regardless of the outcome, you are following God and His will for you.

Your marriage is really a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and reverence for your Lord.

God rewards your obedience to love and respect, even if your spouse does not respond!

The key to motivating another person is meeting their deepest need, especially during conflict.

A parent needs to feel respected, especially during conflicts...A child need to feel loved, especially during disputes.

How we react to a situation reveals more about us than about the other person.

If you are seeking positive change in your marriage, you will need to make a positive change in your attitude and actions.

Your spouse may meet many of your needs, but your deepest dependency should be on your Lord.

Men are solution oriented, they love to solve problems. They want to be helpful.

Unconditional respect is as powerful to him as unconditional love is to her.

Whose voice are you listening to: Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?

Knowing my spouse will not be able to love or respect me perfectly, I commit to having a forgiving spirit so that I may never speak hatefully or contemptuously.

Husbands primarily want to hear ‘respect” talk during conflict. Wives primarily want to hear “love” talk during conflict.

When others do not respond to our communication, we need to look first at our communication style. Is the other person incapable of hearing what we have to say? Or are we abrupt, brusque, and curt?

The Crazy Cycle is, indeed, “the evil of folly and the foolishness of madness” (Ecclesiastes 7:25).

When confronting your spouse, attack the behavior, not the person.

It’s so easy to dismiss our spouse as childish because we don’t have the same vulnerabilities they do.

Unconditional love or respect is never wasted. Hang onto this promise: “Let us not lose heart in doing good, for in due time we will reap if we do not grow weary” (Galatians 6:9).

Do you bow to the influence of Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?

As strong and powerful as marriage bonds can become, our deepest dependency must be on the Lord, not another human being.

Getting married reveals, usually sooner than later, an incontestable fact: your spouse cannot possibly meet all your needs and desires

I often stress that one of the greatest rewards any persevering spouse can have is being a good example and influence on the children in the family.

Often the apparent issue isn’t the real issue; the real issue is always a matter of love or respect.

Your spouse has a need that you don’t have. Are you going to say there is something seriously wrong with them or will you say “Viva la Difference”?

Troubles over sex and money do not cause a marriage to go under. The lack of love and respect during conflict cause the marriage to go under.

We get on the Crazy Cycle because without love a wife reacts without respect, and without respect a husband reacts without love.

With a better understanding of God’s promises, you will be on your way to a renewed mind and a changed life.

You speak lovingly or respectfully no matter how your spouse may speak to you in return. Your spouse is not the reason--good or bad--why you speak unconditional words of love or respect. God is the reason, and as you depend on Him, you will become increasingly able to speak lovingly and respectfully to your spouse.

Ladies, be careful. “A nagging wife goes on and on like the drip, drip, drip of the rain” (Proverbs 19:13).

Each of you must focus on what God is calling you to do toward your spouse. Do not focus on what you think God is calling your spouse to do toward you.

Husbands, to energize your wife give her face-to-face time, allowing her to talk and share her feelings.

Marriage is a test of how you unconditionally love and respect your spouse as you obey, honor, and please the Lord.

When one of you makes a mistake, control any anger you may feel and trust God completely, no matter what happens.

In your marriage be the first to “seek peace and pursue it” (1 Peter 3:11)

As a wife, if you can start to understand how important your husband’s work is to him, you will take a giant step toward communicating respect and honor, two things that he values even more than your love.

We have to step back as Christ followers and ask, “Do I have false expectations that my relationship should be romantic 99% of the time?”

To get offended is easy, but to forgive is within your power as you walk in His steps.

You’re the only person in the world who can meet your spouse’s deepest need for love and respect. After all, you alone are married to your spouse.

The Crazy Cycle is, indeed “the evil of folly and the foolishness of madness” (Ecclesiastes 7:25)

The moment we cry to Him for help, He is already pleased. He gives us strength to love our children.

Thank God for joining you together and for allowing you to trust Him to help you, whatever the issue. God is there for you and expects you to look to Him to keep you together as a team, so ask Him for His help in the smallest of concerns. “So they are no longer two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate.” (Matthew 19:6)

Words of wisdom for all husbands and wives are these: We easily see what is done to us before we see what we are doing to our mate.

No matter how difficult your spouse may be at the moment, your spouse does not have control over your reaction; you do. You may be experiencing disappointment, frustration or anger, but you always have a choice. A wife can choose to be disrespectful or respectful. A husband can choose to be unloving or loving.

When a husband chooses to do or say something loving, and that includes saying, ‘I’m sorry for coming across in an unloving way,’ he energizes his wife. When a wife decides to express herself respectfully, and that includes apologizing for her disrespectful attitude, she energizes her husband.

We are equal but we are not the same.

In the ultimate sense, your marriage has nothing to do with your spouse. It has everything to do with your relationship to Jesus Christ.

“With eyes of faith, envision Jesus standing just beyond the shoulder of your spouse and listening to every word you speak in every conversation, pleasant or tense. When you speak lovingly or respectfully to your spouse, you are speaking to Christ. Your spouse just happens to be there too.” This truth has sanctified the lips of many. Instead of giving their spouse a verbal whipping or choking on the idea of saying anything positive, now some spouses are motivated to speak words of unconditional love or respect.

When a husband feels disrespected, he has a natural tendency to react in ways that feel unloving to his wife. (Perhaps the command to love was given to him precisely for this reason!) When a wife feels unloved, she has a natural tendency to react in ways that feel disrespectful to her husband. (Perhaps the command to respect was given to her precisely for this reason!)

Clearly, in the marriage, in the family and in the household, when you speak words of blessing, you are speaking to the Lord, and for this you will be rewarded.

[Women], as you enter quiet dignity, not preaching at your husband or scolding him as though you were his mother, something happens in his soul as a male.

When you relinquish an offense, you need to send that offense somewhere. So follow Jesus’ example and release it to your heavenly Father.

Your spouse can affect you, but your spouse does not control you.

Suppressing negative feelings is not loving, respectful or very wise. Speak up tactfully.

Words of love from a husband are like good medicine that brings life to the marriage.

Feeling unloved, a wife gets defensive and acts offensively without respect. Feeling disrespected, a husband gets defensive and acts offensively without love.

A woman needs love like she needs air to breathe. A man needs respect like he needs air to breathe.

When you come home after you have been apart, the first few moments of reconnecting will set the tone for the rest of the evening.

Being friendly to her man is one of the most effective things a woman can do to strengthen her marriage.

It is so easy to draw wrong conclusions about a spouse’s character and motives due to an occasional flare-up or silly comment.

Let the Lord change you, but don’t try to change each other.

The Love and Respect message is not about a husband earning his wife’s respect by being more loving any more than it is about a wife earning her husband’s love by being more respectful. Always love or respect is given unconditionally according to God’s commands.