Husband & Wife Mug Set and Coaster

Accidental sparks (unwise remarks) ignite and fuel a fire, and vroom goes the Crazy Cycle.

Knowing my spouse will not be able to love or respect me perfectly, I commit to having a forgiving spirit so that I may never speak hatefully or contemptuously.

It’s hard to realize that we would never act around our business associates the way we act around our spouse.

We have discovered that as women motivate their man God’s way, men are energized to love them better. It doesn’t matter if your marriage is good or seems like there is no hope. We have seen God move in powerful ways even when things looked hopeless.

We are either going to give in the darkness or we are going to give into the darkness.

A husband may deserve contempt, but that doesn’t win him any more than harshness and anger wins the heart of a woman.

Stay the course regardless of the child’s respect and obedience. This is the Family Rewarded Cycle: a parents love unto Christ regardless of the child.

Thank the Lord for all the trouble-free moments in which you and your spouse enjoy Him, each other, your family, your ministry and life as a whole. Ask Him for the strength to accept your measure of trouble, and the wisdom to deal with the annoyances and irritations by loving and respecting each other with new commitment. (You may also want to pray about troubles at work, at church, with the children…) “But those who marry will have trouble in this life” (1 Corinthians 7:28)

Your husband knows you value his friendship when you tell him you like him and you show it (he knows you love him, but he often wonders if you really like him).

A parent needs to feel respected, especially during conflicts...A child need to feel loved, especially during disputes.

When you’re truly Christ-centered, instead of child-centered, you will be a more effective parent in the long run.

We have different vulnerabilities. We can pass judgment on one another all day long or we can say God made us different and that’s ok.

When you love or respect unconditionally regardless of the outcome, you are following God and His will for you.

Good intentions do not always produce good words or outcomes.

Unconditional respect, like unconditional love, is all about how one sounds (tone of voice and word choice) and appears (facial expressions and physical actions).

When we feel crippling discouragement by the sinful choices and outcomes of our kids, we must not let this permanently deter us from parenting God’s way.

Getting married reveals, usually sooner than later, an incontestable fact: your spouse cannot possibly meet all your needs and desires

Your marriage is really a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and reverence for your Lord.

You must “ask God from the wealth of his glory to give you power through his Spirit to be strong in your inner selves.”

In the ultimate sense you marriage has nothing to do with your spouse. It has everything to do with your relationship with Jesus Christ.

Focus on the positive in the midst of the negative, and the Energizing Cycle will keep right on humming.

If a husband loves his wife as he should, she will feel honored and respected. If a wife respects her husband as she should, he will feel loved and appreciated. It’s a win-win.

Always see your mate as an ally. Feedback is of little use if you see your spouse as an enemy. Giving and receiving constructive feedback is based on feelings of goodwill in both partners. Both of you need to remember that, even if you don’t always agree and even if you become irritated or angry, you are friends, and neither of you means to hurt the other.

Your spouse has a need only you can fill.

When we speak before we think, we widen the chances the other person(s) will be notably hurt, frustrated, confused, angry, fearful, or offended by something we’ve communicated.

She’s not wrong for not being male. He is not wrong for not being female. When you put pink and blue together, you get purple, the color of royalty; the color of God. Together, a husband and wife reflect God’s image.

Will we decide how we see God based on our circumstances, or will we see our circumstances in light of how we view God?

No one can really practice Love and Respect unless he or she does it as unto Jesus Christ.

We easily see what is done to us before we see what we are doing to our mate.

A woman needs love like she needs air to breathe. A man needs respect like he needs air to breathe.

Don’t pressure yourself with perfection. We are going to fail. A righteous man falls 7 times but gets back up.

The more we are upset at something, the wiser it is to let twenty-four hours pass before responding.

[Husbands] do you realize the power of just holding your wife’s hand?

We can communicate the truth in the best of manners, but the person may be so insecure he or she can only react and attack like a wounded bear.

The difference between successful couples and unsuccessful couples is that successful ones keep getting up and dealing with the issues.

At the very bottom of things, in every case and in every conversation, you can do your marriage a huge favor by assuming she is seeking to feel loved or he is seeking to feel respected and give your spouse some grace!

We all need love and respect equally. But, during conflict our felt needs are as different as pink is from blue.

If you want your wife to express appreciation for your attempts to be loving, you must use thankful words when she tries to speak or act respectfully.

When evil comes at you, you’re the one who makes the choice of whether or not it is going to go into you.

When a husband chooses to do or say something loving, and that includes saying, ‘I’m sorry for coming across in an unloving way,’ he energizes his wife. When a wife decides to express herself respectfully, and that includes apologizing for her disrespectful attitude, she energizes her husband.

Avoid like the plague trying to punish each other as a means of “motivation.” Christ-followers instinctively know that this destroys any opportunity to act out of reverence for Christ. In all marital issues, love and reverence for Christ must be our primary motivation.

We get on the Crazy Cycle because without love a wife reacts without respect, and without respect a husband reacts without love.

Ladies, be careful. “A nagging wife goes on and on like the drip, drip, drip of the rain” (Proverbs 19:13).

When parents genuinely trust and follow the Lord and His ways, their faith spills over onto the children.

His love motivates her respect. Her respect motivates his love.

Research and experience prove that men and women see and hear differently. Recognizing these differences and adjusting to them is absolutely necessary for reaching mutual understanding and better communication.

Words of wisdom for all husbands and wives are these: We easily see what is done to us before we see what we are doing to our mate.

Optimism or pessimism? It is always a choice, no matter what your natural temperament.

Never give up. If you want to have a strong marriage, you need to accept temporary setbacks as part of the game.

Before hitting send, ask yourself, "Have I listened carefully and understand the exact issue on the table?"

Our research shows that couples who pray together are more apt to reap all kinds of benefits, including better and more frequent communication, going on “dates” more frequently and having sex more frequently.

You can be right but wrong at the top of your voice.

When confronting your spouse, attack the behavior, not the person.

You’re the only person in the world who can meet your spouse’s deepest need for love and respect. After all, you alone are married to your spouse.

You cannot use unholy means to achieve a worthy end.

Your spouse can have a need that you don’t have and that’s okay.

He will feel appreciated when you disagree with him only in private and honor his authority in front of the kids.

We all need to wrestle with the spiritual truth that God is good. If you don’t believe God is good, you won’t trust His word. If you don’t trust His word, you will find excuses to ignore His commands.

She’ll feel at peace with you when you let her vent your frustrations and hurts and don’t get angry and close her off.

Your wife will feel esteemed when you speak highly of her in front of others.

You have two ears and one mouth; use them proportionately.

Clarifying is what you do before you step on your mate’s air hose and deflate his or her spirit. For example, you are having a typical conversation, but you can tell there is a misunderstanding. One of you isn’t being clear or isn’t hearing correctly. Then and there you clarify the misunderstanding before your spouse’s spirit deflates. You lovingly or respectfully clarify matters so that your spouse will not feel unloved or disrespected. The reason you take pains to clarify a seemingly small matter is to prevent the situation from becoming a love and respect issue that needs decoding. Clarifying is what you do to stay off the Crazy Cycle and keep positive, energetic feelings flowing between the two of you, to keep yourselves on the Energizing Cycle.

Words of love from a husband are like good medicine that brings life to the marriage.

In your marriage be the first to “seek peace and pursue it” (1 Peter 3:11)

The Crazy Cycle is, indeed, “the evil of folly and the foolishness of madness” (Ecclesiastes 7:25).

No matter what your struggle- criticism, constant conflict, sex, money, parenting, harsh words- learning to communicate the Love and Respect way can help you make crucial changes and build the kind of relationship that God blesses.

Most marriages will succeed when obeying the command to Love and Respect.

Clearly, in the marriage, in the family and in the household, when you speak words of blessing, you are speaking to the Lord, and for this you will be rewarded.

Thank the Lord that in the very beginning He created them male and female – Blue and Pink. Ask Him for patience and ever-growing understanding of how men and women see and hear differently. “He created them male and female, and He blessed them.” (Genesis 5:2)

The key to motivating another person is meeting their deepest need, especially during conflict.

Responding to offensive words or actions with your own offensive words and actions is damaging and unproductive.

The mature one in the marriage seldom moves second.

“You can be right, but wrong at the top of your voice.”

Above all trust God when the “whys” of life threaten to overwhelm you.

There is a discrepancy between who we want to be and see ourselves to be and how we actually sound in voice and writing. But with self-reflection and honesty, we can turn the corner and improve our communication. We need only evaluate what we are about to communicate.

Unconditional respect means we confront their wrongdoings respectfully. We do not become uncivil because they are. Who they fail to be does not determine who we will be.

Your words reveal your heart.

Since it is easy to focus on the negative, focus on your mate’s good qualities and express thanks with positive words of Love or Respect.

“Respect is a man’s deepest value. I have had numerous men tell me, ‘I would rather live with a wife who respected me but did not love me than live with a wife who loved me but did not respect me.’ These men are not saying that they are indifferent to love. They know they need love, but they need to feel respected even more than they need to feel loved.“

To stay the course in speaking words of Love and Respect, keep your heart in Scripture, trusting in and talking about His promises to help you.

Your husband knows you appreciate his desire to protect and provide when you praise his commitment to provide for you. You empathize when he reveals his male mindset about position, status, or rank at work.

Your spouse may meet many of your needs, but your deepest dependency should be on your Lord.

Both Judas and Peter denied Jesus Christ, but there is a huge difference between a Judas and a Peter.

We send each other messages in “code” based on gender, even though we don’t intend to. What I say is not what you hear, and what you think you heard is not what I meant at all.

We can all have moments of anger, but this does not mean we have to lose control and sin.

This is the Rewarded Cycle: His love blesses regardless of her respect and her respect blesses regardless of his love.

Thank God for joining you together and for allowing you to trust Him to help you, whatever the issue. God is there for you and expects you to look to Him to keep you together as a team, so ask Him for His help in the smallest of concerns. “So they are no longer two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate.” (Matthew 19:6)

You can be right in the argument, but wrong in your approach.

It is so easy to draw wrong conclusions about a spouse’s character and motives due to an occasional flare-up or silly comment.

Do you believe that there is a God who really loves you and wants to help you?

A marriage relationship will be energized when couples learn how to motivate each other God’s way.

When the wife flatly says her husband will have to earn her respect before she gives him any, she leaves the husband in a lose-lose situation. Now he is responsible for both love and respect in the relationship. He must unconditionally love his wife and earn her respect.

Feeling unloved, a wife gets defensive and acts offensively without respect. Feeling disrespected, a husband gets defensive and acts offensively without love.

You speak lovingly or respectfully no matter how your spouse may speak to you in return. Your spouse is not the reason--good or bad--why you speak unconditional words of love or respect. God is the reason, and as you depend on Him, you will become increasingly able to speak lovingly and respectfully to your spouse.

Truth will carry its own weight if delivered respectfully and lovingly.

Being a person who communicates what is true frequently demands tact, and at times it can feel like sidestepping land mines. It takes work to be both truthful and tactful.

Just because you may feel unloved or disrespected does not mean your spouse is sending that message.

To get offended is easy, but to forgive is within your power as you walk in His steps.

So I encourage every husband and wife to commit to the Jesus Way of Talking. Instead of allowing the stress of the situation to control you, you can say to yourself, “Because I love the Lord and I know that He rewards every good word, I am going to be truthful even if my spouse is not. I will also be uplifting, forgiving, thankful and scriptural in my speech because my ultimate goal is to please the Lord. Whatever my spouse’s weaknesses or bad habits might be, I will not let them cause me to sin with my lips.”

It is crucial for a husband and wife to see that neither one is wrong, but both of them are very different--in body function, outlook and perspective.