Husband & Wife Mug Set and Coaster

Mutual understanding, not communication, is the key to a healthy marriage relationship.

Thank the Lord for all the trouble-free moments in which you and your spouse enjoy Him, each other, your family, your ministry and life as a whole. Ask Him for the strength to accept your measure of trouble, and the wisdom to deal with the annoyances and irritations by loving and respecting each other with new commitment. (You may also want to pray about troubles at work, at church, with the children…) “But those who marry will have trouble in this life” (1 Corinthians 7:28)

His love blesses regardless of her respect; her respect blesses regardless of his love.

Thank God for joining you together and for allowing you to trust Him to help you, whatever the issue. God is there for you and expects you to look to Him to keep you together as a team, so ask Him for His help in the smallest of concerns. “So they are no longer two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate.” (Matthew 19:6)

Wives, to energize your husband do an activity with him, shoulder-to-shoulder, without talking.

Words of love from a husband are like good medicine that brings life to the marriage.

When others do not respond to our communication, we need to look first at our communication style. Is the other person incapable of hearing what we have to say? Or are we abrupt, brusque, and curt?

As a wife, if you can start to understand how important your husband’s work is to him, you will take a giant step toward communicating respect and honor, two things that he values even more than your love.

The Love and Respect message is not about a husband earning his wife’s respect by being more loving any more than it is about a wife earning her husband’s love by being more respectful. Always love or respect is given unconditionally according to God’s commands.

Men are solution oriented, they love to solve problems. They want to be helpful.

The mature one in the marriage seldom moves second.

Wives, you never know: The way you handle this [conflict] might bring your husband not only back to you, but to God. Husbands, you never know: The way you handle this [conflict] might bring your wife not only back to you, but to God. (1 Corinthians 7:16)

Positive changes flood a relationship immediately when both husband and wife cancel the blame game!

When you love or respect unconditionally regardless of the outcome, you are following God and His will for you.

We have different vulnerabilities. We can pass judgment on one another all day long or we can say God made us different and that’s ok.

Husbands, even Jesus Himself was asked by a woman, “Do you not care?” (Luke 10:40) When your wife accuses you of not caring, decode her deeper meaning.

Do you bow to the influence of Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?

Fight like a loving man and a respectful woman. Fight fair.

So I encourage every husband and wife to commit to the Jesus Way of Talking. Instead of allowing the stress of the situation to control you, you can say to yourself, “Because I love the Lord and I know that He rewards every good word, I am going to be truthful even if my spouse is not. I will also be uplifting, forgiving, thankful and scriptural in my speech because my ultimate goal is to please the Lord. Whatever my spouse’s weaknesses or bad habits might be, I will not let them cause me to sin with my lips.”

In your marriage be the first to “seek peace and pursue it” (1 Peter 3:11)

I had often asked God to compensate for my mistakes, but in return had I thought He would give me perfect children?

Could you be facing a crisis in faith more than a crisis in your marriage?

No matter how difficult your spouse may be at the moment, your spouse does not have control over your reaction; you do. You may be experiencing disappointment, frustration or anger, but you always have a choice. A wife can choose to be disrespectful or respectful. A husband can choose to be unloving or loving.

The woman absolutely needs love, and the man absolutely needs respect. It’s as simple- and as difficult- as that.

Your wife feels you are open with her when you discuss financial concerns, possible job changes or ideas for your future.

A marriage relationship will be energized when couples learn how to motivate each other God’s way.

Love and Respect is a faith venture, not a formula.

If you want your husband to express appreciation for your attempts to be respectful, you must speak thankfully when he tries to be loving.

We easily see what is done to us before we see what we are doing to our mate.

Each of you must focus on what God is calling you to do toward your spouse. Do not focus on what you think God is calling your spouse to do toward you.

“Living happily ever after” means knowing how to deal with the imperfect parts of life.

Your spouse deserves the truth from you. Do your best to tell it with love and respect.

Your spouse can affect you, but your spouse does not control you.

Getting married reveals, usually sooner than later, an incontestable fact: your spouse cannot possibly meet all your needs and desires

To get offended is easy, but to forgive is within your power as you walk in His steps.

You must distinguish between “I can’t” and “I won’t.”

Your husband knows you appreciate his desire to protect and provide when you praise his commitment to provide for you. You empathize when he reveals his male mindset about position, status, or rank at work.

To not forgive is to shoot yourself in the foot and put extra gas in the Crazy Cycle.

God rewards your obedience to love and respect, even if your spouse does not respond!

Husbands, to energize your wife give her face-to-face time, allowing her to talk and share her feelings.

When you relinquish an offense, you need to send that offense somewhere. So follow Jesus’ example and release it to your heavenly Father.

You both forgive for one simple but profound reason: because you know Christ has forgiven you!

Knowing my spouse will not be able to love or respect me perfectly, I commit to having a forgiving spirit so that I may never speak hatefully or contemptuously.

It’s true that women have intuition and that men should listen to them. It’s also true that women have blind spots and need the insight of their husbands.

As you pray together, you will truly learn to love and respect together.

Unconditional respect is as powerful to him as unconditional love is to her.

Thank the Lord for the goodwill each of you has toward the other. Ask Him for strength to give each other the benefit of the doubt during moments when someone’s goodwill seems to be lacking. “He who seeks good finds goodwill, but evil comes to him who searches for it.” (Proverbs 11:27)

This is the Rewarded Cycle: His love blesses regardless of her respect and her respect blesses regardless of his love.

If a husband is commanded to agape- love his wife, then she truly needs love.

Accidental sparks (unwise remarks) ignite and fuel a fire, and vroom goes the Crazy Cycle.

Research shows that 70% of the couples who were extremely unhappy in their marriage, but hung in there and worked through the tough time, identified themselves as being very happy five years later.

Ladies, be careful. “A nagging wife goes on and on like the drip, drip, drip of the rain” (Proverbs 19:13).

When a husband chooses to come across lovingly even though he feels disrespected, he can prevent the Crazy Cycle from spinning and possibly getting out of control.

[Women], as you enter quiet dignity, not preaching at your husband or scolding him as though you were his mother, something happens in his soul as a male.

The moment we cry to Him for help, He is already pleased. He gives us strength to love our children.

Recognize your different gifts--how each of you (Pink and Blue) functions according to God’s perfect design.

[Husbands] the most powerful weapons you have are your ears. Just listen to your wife, and she is much more likely to feel understood.

There is power and freedom that comes in understanding that no one can cause you to react in a certain way. It is your choice.

When a wife insists that her husband earn her respect, she puts him in a lose-lose situation.

Though the end can be worthy (to be loved and respected), when each uses unholy means (unloving and disrespectful words and actions), it will not achieve those ends. We must treat others as we expect them to treat us. To deny this makes us arrogant or fools, or both.

Life is too short to fuss and fret over trivial irritations.

Marriage is a test of how you unconditionally love and respect your spouse as you obey, honor, and please the Lord.

We get on the Crazy Cycle because without love a wife reacts without respect, and without respect a husband reacts without love.

If husbands and wives are to understand the Love and Respect Connection, they must realize that they communicate in code. And the problem is, they don’t know how to decipher the messages they send to one another.

We have discovered that as women motivate their man God’s way, men are energized to love them better. It doesn’t matter if your marriage is good or seems like there is no hope. We have seen God move in powerful ways even when things looked hopeless.

If a husband loves his wife as he should, she will feel honored and respected. If a wife respects her husband as she should, he will feel loved and appreciated. It’s a win-win.

A man has a natural, inborn desire to go out and “conquer” the challenges of his world – to work and achieve.

Trusting and obeying God’s Word because we love and reverence God never, ever makes us a hypocrite! When the alarm goes off in the morning, we get up, even when we don’t feel like it getting up. Because we do what we don’t feel like doing, does that make us hypocrites? No, it’s a sign we are responsible people. Showing respectful behavior when we don’t “feel respectful” is evidence of maturity.

The more we are upset at something, the wiser it is to let twenty-four hours pass before responding.

Avoid like the plague trying to punish each other as a means of “motivation.” Christ-followers instinctively know that this destroys any opportunity to act out of reverence for Christ. In all marital issues, love and reverence for Christ must be our primary motivation.

Refuse to let evil turn you into a contemptuous and hateful person.

Responding to offensive words or actions with your own offensive words and actions is damaging and unproductive.

Women give a report to build rapport. Men bond through shoulder-to-shoulder activities without talking.

Words of Love and Respect must include thankfulness spoken to or about your spouse; don’t fixate on weaknesses and faults.

Your marriage is really a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and reverence for your Lord.

Never give up. If you want to have a strong marriage, you need to accept temporary setbacks as part of the game.

She’s not wrong for not being male. He is not wrong for not being female. When you put pink and blue together, you get purple, the color of royalty; the color of God. Together, a husband and wife reflect God’s image.

When sorting out how to slow down the Crazy Cycle, it helps to remember that men are commanded to love because they don’t love naturally, and on the other side, women are commanded to respect because they don’t respect naturally.

Mistakes can’t be undone, but they can be forgiven.

At the very bottom of things, in every case and in every conversation, you can do your marriage a huge favor by assuming she is seeking to feel loved or he is seeking to feel respected and give your spouse some grace!

You can experience hurt, but it is your choice to hate.

Just because you may feel unloved or disrespected does not mean your spouse is sending that message.

A strong woman of dignity puts on respect out of her love and reverence for Jesus Christ. She trusts that His word not only protects and empowers her, but also rewards her with incomprehensible eternal blessings.

One thing to remember in this culture is if we say something complimentary towards one gender, we aren’t saying something against the other.

Stay the course regardless of the child’s respect and obedience. This is the Family Rewarded Cycle: a parents love unto Christ regardless of the child.

A woman needs love like she needs air to breathe. A man needs respect like he needs air to breathe.

In the ultimate sense, your marriage has nothing to do with your spouse. It has everything to do with your relationship to Jesus Christ.

Clarifying is what you do before you step on your mate’s air hose and deflate his or her spirit. For example, you are having a typical conversation, but you can tell there is a misunderstanding. One of you isn’t being clear or isn’t hearing correctly. Then and there you clarify the misunderstanding before your spouse’s spirit deflates. You lovingly or respectfully clarify matters so that your spouse will not feel unloved or disrespected. The reason you take pains to clarify a seemingly small matter is to prevent the situation from becoming a love and respect issue that needs decoding. Clarifying is what you do to stay off the Crazy Cycle and keep positive, energetic feelings flowing between the two of you, to keep yourselves on the Energizing Cycle.

As a husband, if you can grasp that you don’t always have to solve your wife’s problems, you will take a giant step toward showing her empathy and understanding.

We all need love and respect equally. But, during conflict our felt needs are as different as pink is from blue.

How we react to a situation reveals more about us than about the other person.

God’s commands are not burdensome, but are given to us to spare us from more pain. Why would God command you to do something that doesn’t work?

Through Jesus and Peter, God set forth His standard for living in the unconditional dimension: choose to be loving even when the other person is not; do what is right regardless of the treatment you receive. I believe this standard applies directly to marriage. A husband who speaks lovingly to his disrespectful wife will be rewarded; and a wife who speaks respectfully to her unloving, not-worthy-of-respect husband will be rewarded. Whether you are husband or wife, the reward is what can keep you going in the midst of the craziness: knowing that God commends you, knowing that you have found his favor for your words and actions.

Do you believe that there is a God who really loves you and wants to help you?

Your words reveal your heart.

Be a part of the solution, not part of the problem.

Accentuate the positive and eliminate the negative with lots of love and respect in between.

You have two ears and one mouth; use them proportionately.

Feeling unloved, a wife gets defensive and acts offensively without respect. Feeling disrespected, a husband gets defensive and acts offensively without love.

Suppressing negative feelings is not loving, respectful or very wise. Speak up tactfully.