Husband & Wife Mug Set and Coaster

We have different vulnerabilities. We can pass judgment on one another all day long or we can say God made us different and that’s ok.

Always remember that Pink and Blue have different wiring, different preferences. Assume your spouse has goodwill toward you, no matter what. Both of you can be right, while being different.

God rewards your obedience to love and respect, even if your spouse does not respond!

Just because you’re offended doesn’t mean the other person is offensive.

Research shows that 70% of the couples who were extremely unhappy in their marriage, but hung in there and worked through the tough time, identified themselves as being very happy five years later.

You both forgive for one simple but profound reason: because you know Christ has forgiven you!

Your marriage is a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and reverence for Jesus Christ. God is using your spouse to bring you an eternal reward.

Research and experience prove that men and women see and hear differently. Recognizing these differences and adjusting to them is absolutely necessary for reaching mutual understanding and better communication.

He will feel appreciated when you disagree with him only in private and honor his authority in front of the kids.

We can communicate the truth in the best of manners, but the person may be so insecure he or she can only react and attack like a wounded bear.

When the wife flatly says her husband will have to earn her respect before she gives him any, she leaves the husband in a lose-lose situation. Now he is responsible for both love and respect in the relationship. He must unconditionally love his wife and earn her respect.

We might say that every negative action in the family has an equal and opposite negative reaction.

Your spouse has a need that you don’t have. Are you going to say there is something seriously wrong with them or will you say “Viva la Difference”?

If you want your husband to express appreciation for your attempts to be respectful, you must speak thankfully when he tries to be loving.

In your marriage be the first to “seek peace and pursue it” (1 Peter 3:11)

The Crazy Cycle is, indeed, “the evil of folly and the foolishness of madness” (Ecclesiastes 7:25).

Words of Love or Respect must uplift your spouse, edifying- never manipulating him or her.

Thank the Lord for all the trouble-free moments in which you and your spouse enjoy Him, each other, your family, your ministry and life as a whole. Ask Him for the strength to accept your measure of trouble, and the wisdom to deal with the annoyances and irritations by loving and respecting each other with new commitment. (You may also want to pray about troubles at work, at church, with the children…) “But those who marry will have trouble in this life” (1 Corinthians 7:28)

Do you believe that there is a God who really loves you and wants to help you?

Do you understand that God feels compassion for you, no matter what you have done or what your circumstances may be?

Your hunger for God can create an appetite in your children.

If husbands and wives are to understand the Love and Respect Connection, they must realize that they communicate in code. And the problem is, they don’t know how to decipher the messages they send to one another.

Mistakes can’t be undone, but they can be forgiven.

Through Jesus and Peter, God set forth His standard for living in the unconditional dimension: choose to be loving even when the other person is not; do what is right regardless of the treatment you receive. I believe this standard applies directly to marriage. A husband who speaks lovingly to his disrespectful wife will be rewarded; and a wife who speaks respectfully to her unloving, not-worthy-of-respect husband will be rewarded. Whether you are husband or wife, the reward is what can keep you going in the midst of the craziness: knowing that God commends you, knowing that you have found his favor for your words and actions.

Clearly, in the marriage, in the family and in the household, when you speak words of blessing, you are speaking to the Lord, and for this you will be rewarded.

It’s crucial to communicate with the right tone of voice and the right expression on your face.

We fool ourselves into thinking the other person causes us to be the way we are. They really don’t! But if we lock into that idea, we become helpless, hopeless victims.

We must bring our identity in Christ to our parenting—we must not derive our identity from our children.

When you’re truly Christ-centered, instead of child-centered, you will be a more effective parent in the long run.

When a wife asks, “Do you love me?” She is not trying to put her husband on the spot. She is simply looking for reassurance.

When a husband chooses to do or say something loving, and that includes saying, ‘I’m sorry for coming across in an unloving way,’ he energizes his wife. When a wife decides to express herself respectfully, and that includes apologizing for her disrespectful attitude, she energizes her husband.

Positive changes flood a relationship immediately when both husband and wife cancel the blame game!

Love and Respect is a faith venture, not a formula.

We can all have moments of anger, but this does not mean we have to lose control and sin.

It’s true that women have intuition and that men should listen to them. It’s also true that women have blind spots and need the insight of their husbands.

Your spouse has a need only you can fill.

We easily see what is done to us before we see what we are doing to our mate.

Whose voice are you listening to: Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?

A man has a natural, inborn desire to go out and “conquer” the challenges of his world – to work and achieve.

Negative actions rarely produce positive results.

Marriage is a test of how you unconditionally love and respect your spouse as you obey, honor, and please the Lord.

Thank the Lord that in the very beginning He created them male and female – Blue and Pink. Ask Him for patience and ever-growing understanding of how men and women see and hear differently. “He created them male and female, and He blessed them.” (Genesis 5:2)

God is not pink. God is not blue. God is purple. When two become one, they have the potential of displaying God’s attributes and character.

If we subscribe to the belief that because we are equal we are the same, then we’re going to expect our spouse to respond the way we do.

God’s commands are not burdensome, but are given to us to spare us from more pain. Why would God command you to do something that doesn’t work?

The key to motivating another person is meeting their deepest need, especially during conflict.

We are either going to give in the darkness or we are going to give into the darkness.

The Love and Respect message is not about a husband earning his wife’s respect by being more loving any more than it is about a wife earning her husband’s love by being more respectful. Always love or respect is given unconditionally according to God’s commands.

Wives, to energize your husband do an activity with him, shoulder-to-shoulder, without talking.

We all need love and respect equally. But, during conflict our felt needs are as different as pink is from blue.

When Jesus said “turn the other cheek,” He wasn’t saying to be passive wimps. He was teaching that physically people can control you but if you turn and give the other cheek, suddenly you’re in control and you’re making the choices.

“Living happily ever after” means knowing how to deal with the imperfect parts of life.

“Respect is a man’s deepest value. I have had numerous men tell me, ‘I would rather live with a wife who respected me but did not love me than live with a wife who loved me but did not respect me.’ These men are not saying that they are indifferent to love. They know they need love, but they need to feel respected even more than they need to feel loved.“

You cannot use unholy means to achieve a worthy end.

A marriage relationship will be energized when couples learn how to motivate each other God’s way.

One thing to remember in this culture is if we say something complimentary towards one gender, we aren’t saying something against the other.

Our research shows that couples who pray together are more apt to reap all kinds of benefits, including better and more frequent communication, going on “dates” more frequently and having sex more frequently.

A strong woman of dignity puts on respect out of her love and reverence for Jesus Christ. She trusts that His word not only protects and empowers her, but also rewards her with incomprehensible eternal blessings.

This is the Rewarded Cycle: His love blesses regardless of her respect and her respect blesses regardless of his love.

You have to become proactive, rather than just trying to stop the reactive.

You can be right in the argument, but wrong in your approach.

To stay the course in speaking words of Love and Respect, keep your heart in Scripture, trusting in and talking about His promises to help you.

Pink and Blue perceptions not only affect seeing, they affect hearing as well. Women hear with pink hearing aids and men hear with blue hearing aids. Even more important to understand as you and your spouse seek to gain better communication, you can hear the very same words, but each of you will hear different messages.

The parent-child relationship is as easy, and as difficult, as love and respect.

Here is the secret to marriage that every couple seeks and yet few find: Unconditional respect is as powerful for him as unconditional love is for her. It’s the secret that will help you achieve a brand new level of intimacy.

Unconditional love or respect is never wasted. Hang onto this promise: “Let us not lose heart in doing good, for in due time we will reap if we do not grow weary” (Galatians 6:9).

Your wife will feel esteemed when you speak highly of her in front of others.

The more we are upset at something, the wiser it is to let twenty-four hours pass before responding.

Life is too short to fuss and fret over trivial irritations.

Feeling unloved, a wife gets defensive and acts offensively without respect. Feeling disrespected, a husband gets defensive and acts offensively without love.

If a husband is commanded to agape- love his wife, then she truly needs love.

Respect for the husband is just as important as love for the wife.

Just because you may feel unloved or disrespected does not mean your spouse is sending that message.

We have discovered that as women motivate their man God’s way, men are energized to love them better. It doesn’t matter if your marriage is good or seems like there is no hope. We have seen God move in powerful ways even when things looked hopeless.

It’s so easy to dismiss our spouse as childish because we don’t have the same vulnerabilities they do.

When confronting your spouse, attack the behavior, not the person.

Women give a report to build rapport. Men bond through shoulder-to-shoulder activities without talking.

The woman absolutely needs love, and the man absolutely needs respect. It’s as simple- and as difficult- as that.

Don’t conclude that your spouse is wrong when he/she is seeking to do the right and righteous thing.

Always try to look at your spouse the way Jesus does.

Wives, you never know: The way you handle this [conflict] might bring your husband not only back to you, but to God. Husbands, you never know: The way you handle this [conflict] might bring your wife not only back to you, but to God. (1 Corinthians 7:16)

“You can be right, but wrong at the top of your voice.”

Above all trust God when the “whys” of life threaten to overwhelm you.

Don’t label each other as bad because you differ on how you solve your troubles.

As a husband, if you can grasp that you don’t always have to solve your wife’s problems, you will take a giant step toward showing her empathy and understanding.

We all need to wrestle with the spiritual truth that God is good. If you don’t believe God is good, you won’t trust His word. If you don’t trust His word, you will find excuses to ignore His commands.

Husbands, even Jesus Himself was asked by a woman, “Do you not care?” (Luke 10:40) When your wife accuses you of not caring, decode her deeper meaning.

A wife has one driving need: to feel loved. When that need is met, she is happy. A husband has one driving need: to feel respected. When that need is met, he is happy. When either of these needs isn’t met, things get crazy with conflict.

Although the Crazy Cycle is not what God intends for any marriage, all couples get on it at times from one degree to another.

Since it is easy to focus on the negative, focus on your mate’s good qualities and express thanks with positive words of Love or Respect.

You may believe that the careless, unloving or disrespectful words you speak are because your spouse is causing you to speak this way, but Jesus says that it is coming out of your heart.

“With eyes of faith, envision Jesus standing just beyond the shoulder of your spouse and listening to every word you speak in every conversation, pleasant or tense. When you speak lovingly or respectfully to your spouse, you are speaking to Christ. Your spouse just happens to be there too.” This truth has sanctified the lips of many. Instead of giving their spouse a verbal whipping or choking on the idea of saying anything positive, now some spouses are motivated to speak words of unconditional love or respect.

I often stress that one of the greatest rewards any persevering spouse can have is being a good example and influence on the children in the family.

If a husband chooses to be a peacemaker--taking the needs and concerns of his wife totally into account during any kind of argument or conflict--his wife will be motivated in turn to respond to his authority during stalemates.

Your husband knows you value his friendship when you tell him you like him and you show it (he knows you love him, but he often wonders if you really like him).

As mature men, we need to take leadership and put this out on the table. We must acknowledge our feelings- we need to feel respected. However, as we do this we must acknowledge our wife’s feelings- she needs to feel loved!

Do you give yourself grace and your spouse judgment?

Be a part of the solution, not part of the problem.

She’ll feel at peace with you when you let her vent your frustrations and hurts and don’t get angry and close her off.

Men are solution oriented, they love to solve problems. They want to be helpful.