Husband & Wife Mug Set and Coaster

We have different vulnerabilities. We can pass judgment on one another all day long or we can say God made us different and that’s ok.

You can be right in the argument, but wrong in your approach.

You can be right but wrong at the top of your voice.

If we subscribe to the belief that because we are equal we are the same, then we’re going to expect our spouse to respond the way we do.

Refuse to let evil turn you into a contemptuous and hateful person.

Unconditional respect, like unconditional love, is all about how one sounds (tone of voice and word choice) and appears (facial expressions and physical actions).

“You can be right, but wrong at the top of your voice.”

When you relinquish an offense, you need to send that offense somewhere. So follow Jesus’ example and release it to your heavenly Father.

We all need to wrestle with the spiritual truth that God is good. If you don’t believe God is good, you won’t trust His word. If you don’t trust His word, you will find excuses to ignore His commands.

Stay the course regardless of the child’s respect and obedience. This is the Family Rewarded Cycle: a parents love unto Christ regardless of the child.

Words of love from a husband are like good medicine that brings life to the marriage.

Marriage is a tool and a test to allow God’s will to be revealed in our lives.

A wife has one driving need--to feel loved. When that need is met she is happy. A husband has one driving need--to feel respected. When that need is met he is happy. When either of these needs isn’t met, things get crazy. Love and Respect reveals why spouses react negatively to each other, and how they can deal with such conflict quickly, easily and biblically.

Mistakes can’t be undone, but they can be forgiven.

Your spouse can affect you, but your spouse does not control you.

His love motivates her respect. Her respect motivates his love.

Do you believe that there is a God who really loves you and wants to help you?

I had often asked God to compensate for my mistakes, but in return had I thought He would give me perfect children?

I have concluded that those of us in the church who believe we have the Truth are not using the whole truth. A crucial part of God’s Word has been completely ignored, or perhaps simply gone unnoticed, when it has been there right under our noses the whole time! Many Christian spouses know Ephesians 5:33 and can at least paraphrase it. The Apostle Paul tells husbands to love their wives as much as they love themselves, and wives are to respect their husbands. But is anyone really listening? Perhaps the first step to better communication between husband and wife is to hear what God’s Word clearly says. --Emerson

It’s true that women have intuition and that men should listen to them. It’s also true that women have blind spots and need the insight of their husbands.

No matter how difficult your spouse may be at the moment, your spouse does not have control over your reaction; you do. You may be experiencing disappointment, frustration, or anger, but you always have a choice.

It is so easy to draw wrong conclusions about a spouse’s character and motives due to an occasional flare-up or silly comment.

Your wife will feel esteemed when you speak highly of her in front of others.

If husbands and wives are to understand the Love and Respect Connection, they must realize that they communicate in code. And the problem is, they don’t know how to decipher the messages they send to one another.

Research and experience prove that men and women see and hear differently. Recognizing these differences and adjusting to them is absolutely necessary for reaching mutual understanding and better communication.

If a husband is commanded to agape- love his wife, then she truly needs love.

Christian maturity involves a lot of things, but surely it includes knowing how to process your anger.

“Living happily ever after” means knowing how to deal with the imperfect parts of life.

If a husband loves his wife as he should, she will feel honored and respected. If a wife respects her husband as she should, he will feel loved and appreciated. It’s a win-win.

Your hunger for God can create an appetite in your children.

When a husband chooses to come across lovingly even though he feels disrespected, he can prevent the Crazy Cycle from spinning and possibly getting out of control.

Unconditional respect is as powerful to him as unconditional love is to her.

How we react to a situation reveals more about us than about the other person.

The moment we cry to Him for help, He is already pleased. He gives us strength to love our children.

A parent needs to feel respected, especially during conflicts...A child need to feel loved, especially during disputes.

As you pray together, you will truly learn to love and respect together.

Be quick to listen and understand and you have a much better chance of being understood.

Your wife feels you are open with her when you discuss financial concerns, possible job changes or ideas for your future.

You have two ears and one mouth; use them proportionately.

Your spouse has a need only you can fill.

We can communicate the truth in the best of manners, but the person may be so insecure he or she can only react and attack like a wounded bear.

When you possess a forgiving spirit, words of Love and Respect will flow authentically from your lips- and realize that the Lord Himself is listening to you at moments like these. He knows you are not powerless, but actually full of power that He has granted you.

We all need love and respect equally. But, during conflict our felt needs are as different as pink is from blue.

Love and Respect is a faith venture, not a formula.

A man has a natural, inborn desire to go out and “conquer” the challenges of his world – to work and achieve.

Truth will carry its own weight if delivered respectfully and lovingly.

He will feel appreciated when you recognize his problem-solving approach as his male brand of empathy.

When Jesus said “turn the other cheek,” He wasn’t saying to be passive wimps. He was teaching that physically people can control you but if you turn and give the other cheek, suddenly you’re in control and you’re making the choices.

When you’re truly Christ-centered, instead of child-centered, you will be a more effective parent in the long run.

Both Judas and Peter denied Jesus Christ, but there is a huge difference between a Judas and a Peter.

Feeling unloved, a wife gets defensive and acts offensively without respect. Feeling disrespected, a husband gets defensive and acts offensively without love.

The Lord made women (Pink) and men (Blue) with differences, and He expects us to recognize and deal with those differences in a loving and respectful way.

When a wife insists that her husband earn her respect, she puts him in a lose-lose situation.

To get offended is easy, but to forgive is within your power as you walk in His steps.

If you want your wife to express appreciation for your attempts to be loving, you must use thankful words when she tries to speak or act respectfully.

Clarifying is what you do before you step on your mate’s air hose and deflate his or her spirit. For example, you are having a typical conversation, but you can tell there is a misunderstanding. One of you isn’t being clear or isn’t hearing correctly. Then and there you clarify the misunderstanding before your spouse’s spirit deflates. You lovingly or respectfully clarify matters so that your spouse will not feel unloved or disrespected. The reason you take pains to clarify a seemingly small matter is to prevent the situation from becoming a love and respect issue that needs decoding. Clarifying is what you do to stay off the Crazy Cycle and keep positive, energetic feelings flowing between the two of you, to keep yourselves on the Energizing Cycle.

Let the Lord change you, but don’t try to change each other.

When you look to God and His Word as your ultimate source of significance and security, you don’t demand that your spouse take that role in your life. And as you draw strength from the Lord individually, He draws you closer together as a couple.

A strong woman of dignity puts on respect out of her love and reverence for Jesus Christ. She trusts that His word not only protects and empowers her, but also rewards her with incomprehensible eternal blessings.

God is not pink. God is not blue. God is purple. When two become one, they have the potential of displaying God’s attributes and character.

We easily see what is done to us before we see what we are doing to our mate.

There is power and freedom that comes in understanding that no one can cause you to react in a certain way. It is your choice.

“With eyes of faith, envision Jesus standing just beyond the shoulder of your spouse and listening to every word you speak in every conversation, pleasant or tense. When you speak lovingly or respectfully to your spouse, you are speaking to Christ. Your spouse just happens to be there too.” This truth has sanctified the lips of many. Instead of giving their spouse a verbal whipping or choking on the idea of saying anything positive, now some spouses are motivated to speak words of unconditional love or respect.

God is good and wants what is best for us.

Every marriage includes trouble some of the time. Do not let the 20% leaven all the rest.

You speak lovingly or respectfully no matter how your spouse may speak to you in return. Your spouse is not the reason--good or bad--why you speak unconditional words of love or respect. God is the reason, and as you depend on Him, you will become increasingly able to speak lovingly and respectfully to your spouse.

No matter how difficult your spouse may be at the moment, your spouse does not have control over your reaction; you do. You may be experiencing disappointment, frustration or anger, but you always have a choice. A wife can choose to be disrespectful or respectful. A husband can choose to be unloving or loving.

Just because you’re offended doesn’t mean the other person is offensive.

God rewards your obedience to love and respect, even if your spouse does not respond!

Avoid like the plague trying to punish each other as a means of “motivation.” Christ-followers instinctively know that this destroys any opportunity to act out of reverence for Christ. In all marital issues, love and reverence for Christ must be our primary motivation.

Share what God is saying to your heart, not what you think He needs to say to your mate.

Often the apparent issue isn’t the real issue; the real issue is always a matter of love or respect.

A most significant point of this book is this: If what we think is true, kind, necessary, and clear, we need to have the courage to hit send. This isn’t about refraining from speaking; this is about speaking.

Husbands, to energize your wife give her face-to-face time, allowing her to talk and share her feelings.

Just because you may feel unloved or disrespected does not mean your spouse is sending that message.

Each of you must focus on what God is calling you to do toward your spouse. Do not focus on what you think God is calling your spouse to do toward you.

Your spouse has a need that you don’t have. Are you going to say there is something seriously wrong with them or will you say “Viva la Difference”?

Will we decide how we see God based on our circumstances, or will we see our circumstances in light of how we view God?

Assume goodwill about the person you are in conflict with.

To stay the course in speaking words of Love and Respect, keep your heart in Scripture, trusting in and talking about His promises to help you.

Don’t pressure yourself with perfection. We are going to fail. A righteous man falls 7 times but gets back up.

There is a discrepancy between who we want to be and see ourselves to be and how we actually sound in voice and writing. But with self-reflection and honesty, we can turn the corner and improve our communication. We need only evaluate what we are about to communicate.

Mutual submission is the only way to live fairly together with mutual authority.

It’s so easy to dismiss our spouse as childish because we don’t have the same vulnerabilities they do.

When your wife comes to talk to you, listen to her. Realize she is coming to you because you matter more to her than anyone else. She has certain emotional needs and only you can meet them. Sometimes she may say things that don’t make sense to you and she is apt to misspeak and exaggerate when she is upset, but don’t put her down. Instead, listen to her heart. Give her a chance to express her concerns and, as she does so, don’t try to fix her. Don’t give her your solutions unless she asks for them.

You both forgive for one simple but profound reason: because you know Christ has forgiven you!

In the ultimate sense you marriage has nothing to do with your spouse. It has everything to do with your relationship with Jesus Christ.

Your spouse deserves the truth from you. Do your best to tell it with love and respect.

This is the Rewarded Cycle: His love blesses regardless of her respect and her respect blesses regardless of his love.

A woman needs love like she needs air to breathe. A man needs respect like he needs air to breathe.

As mature men, we need to take leadership and put this out on the table. We must acknowledge our feelings- we need to feel respected. However, as we do this we must acknowledge our wife’s feelings- she needs to feel loved!

Before hitting send, ask yourself, "Have I listened carefully and understand the exact issue on the table?"

Unconditional respect means we confront their wrongdoings respectfully. We do not become uncivil because they are. Who they fail to be does not determine who we will be.

If you are seeking positive change in your marriage, you will need to make a positive change in your attitude and actions.

When a wife feels unloved, it can be such a shock to her heart that she is oblivious to her disrespectful reactions toward her husband, though any man watching could see it plainly.

At the very bottom of things, in every case and in every conversation, you can do your marriage a huge favor by assuming she is seeking to feel loved or he is seeking to feel respected and give your spouse some grace!

Your position in Christ is what counts, not your less-than-perfect performance.

The Crazy Cycle is, indeed “the evil of folly and the foolishness of madness” (Ecclesiastes 7:25)

When a husband feels disrespected, it is especially hard to love his wife. When a wife feels unloved, it is especially hard to respect her husband.

[Husbands] as the church places her burdens on Christ, so a woman needs to place her burdens on her husband. When she shares with you, don’t assume she is asking you to solve the problem. Ask your wife, “Do you want a solution or a listening ear?”