The 4 Wills of God
Should you take the job? Quit the job? Begin a relationship? End a relationship? Move? Plant roots? How do we find God’s will for life’s big decisions? There is a starting point to discovering God’s Will for your next decision and for your entire life. Discover the freedom you’ve been searching for, and then, like Emerson, you’ll help others find that freedom too.

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Where To Buy
The Four Wills of God
The Way He Directs Our Steps and Frees Us to Direct Our Own
Discovering God's Will
Emerson Eggerichs believes there is a clear answer to finding God’s will. The Bible itself reveals the clue–a secret hidden in plain sight.
Before launching his Love & Respect marriage ministry with his wife Sarah, Emerson was a senior pastor for nearly 20 years in East Lansing, Michigan. Before that, Emerson and a friend ran a free counseling center called “The Open Door” in Cedar Rapids, Iowa. As Emerson navigated his career he found both he and the people he was counseling were wrestling with big decisions and knowing if that decision was really what God wanted. Immersing himself in God’s word for over 30 hours a week for 19 years, he discovered simple, clear truths that set him and many others free.
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Unlocking Freedom
There is a starting point to discovering God’s Will for your next decision and for your entire life. Begin here to read stories of people in the same situations you face today. You’ll be able to discover the freedom you’ve been searching for, and then, like Emerson, you’ll help others find that freedom too.

Read What Others Are Saying About The Four Wills of God!
It was amazing, God anointed it and 6 women made commitments to the first Will of God; Salvation. I just had to tell you and thank you.
Teacher - Rescue Mission
...I recently read The Four Wills of God and I just felt like I should let you know it changed my life...your book helped me see that I couldn't separate certain aspects of God's universal will for my life from His specific will.
Pastor
James
The 4 Will's of God was so good! I teach at the ( . . . ) Women and Children's Rescue Mission. I taught tonight and I taught your 4 Wills message from the TV show that you shared. Praise God! It was amazing, God anointed it and 6 women made commitments to the first Will of God; Salvation. I just had to tell you and thank you.
...I recently read The Four Wills of God and I just felt like I should let you know it changed my life...your book helped me see that I couldn't separate certain aspects of God's universal will for my life from His specific will. In acknowledging and repenting of this I feel as if a door has been opened for me personally and in ministry. God used your book to remind me of some simple truths in a way that I needed to hear them...this is the first time in a long while where I have felt as I did in those early exciting days when I first surrendered to God's unique will for my life. For the first time in a while I feel the adventure of following God is back. I can't wait to see what's next. Thank you for helping me find this again.
I want to thank you for the amazing book The 4 Wills of God!!!!! My entire life I struggled with wanting to know and follow God's will for my life. When I was younger, I always thought there was a perfect will, a perfect life plan, a perfect wife, etc. In 2000 I was doing a part time speaking ministry and teaching school part time - both grew to where I had to choose one or the other. I felt God distinctly letting me know it was up to me to choose either one I wanted. I chose teaching. Your book was a confirmation to me of what God has already been teaching me. I love that it is a lesson that can be explained in 2-3 minutes (I have already shared that with others) and that you also go more in depth in the book. I struggled for many years because I had let lustful thoughts gain control over my life. I realize now that often clouded my spiritual vision of how God wanted to use me. Many blessings to you!!!!!!
Emerson and Sarah Eggerichs
Dr. Emerson Eggerichs is an internationally known public speaker on the topic of male-female relationships. Based on over three decades of pastoring, counseling and study of biblical and scientific research, Dr. Eggerichs and his wife Sarah developed the Love and Respect Conference which they present to live audiences around the country.
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Product Quotes
Knowing my spouse will not be able to love or respect me perfectly, I commit to having a forgiving spirit so that I may never speak hatefully or contemptuously.
One thing to remember in this culture is if we say something complimentary towards one gender, we aren’t saying something against the other.
Do not live by the standards of Hollywood; trust what God says in His Holy Word.
Troubles over sex and money do not cause a marriage to go under. The lack of love and respect during conflict cause the marriage to go under.
God rewards your obedience to love and respect, even if your spouse does not respond!
We all need love and respect equally. But, during conflict our felt needs are as different as pink is from blue.
Your spouse deserves the truth from you. Do your best to tell it with love and respect.
Often the apparent issue isn’t the real issue; the real issue is always a matter of love or respect.
Words of wisdom for all husbands and wives are these: We easily see what is done to us before we see what we are doing to our mate.
It is crucial for a husband and wife to see that neither one is wrong, but both of them are very different--in body function, outlook and perspective.
There is a plan to parent God’s way, even when our children may seek to go their own way at time. The secret is to follow this plan regardless. When you do, I believe you succeed in His eyes.
[Women], your self-love cannot be derived from your husband’s love. It can affect it, but it does not determine it.
Mutual submission is the only way to live fairly together with mutual authority.
God’s commands are not burdensome, but are given to us to spare us from more pain. Why would God command you to do something that doesn’t work?
[Husbands] as the church places her burdens on Christ, so a woman needs to place her burdens on her husband. When she shares with you, don’t assume she is asking you to solve the problem. Ask your wife, “Do you want a solution or a listening ear?”
Holding back your love or respect will just keep the Crazy Cycle spinning away, but being mature and making the first move could slow it down.
When evil comes at you, you’re the one who makes the choice of whether or not it is going to go into you.
Always remember that Pink and Blue have different wiring, different preferences. Assume your spouse has goodwill toward you, no matter what. Both of you can be right, while being different.
Your marriage is really a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and reverence for your Lord.
As you pray together, you will truly learn to love and respect together.
If you want your wife to express appreciation for your attempts to be loving, you must use thankful words when she tries to speak or act respectfully.
To build a lasting legacy, use proven wisdom that you glean from the Lord.
No matter what your struggle- criticism, constant conflict, sex, money, parenting, harsh words- learning to communicate the Love and Respect way can help you make crucial changes and build the kind of relationship that God blesses.
When a husband feels disrespected, he has a natural tendency to react in ways that feel unloving to his wife. (Perhaps the command to love was given to him precisely for this reason!) When a wife feels unloved, she has a natural tendency to react in ways that feel disrespectful to her husband. (Perhaps the command to respect was given to her precisely for this reason!)
Be quick to listen and understand and you have a much better chance of being understood.
When your wife comes to talk to you, listen to her. Realize she is coming to you because you matter more to her than anyone else. She has certain emotional needs and only you can meet them. Sometimes she may say things that don’t make sense to you and she is apt to misspeak and exaggerate when she is upset, but don’t put her down. Instead, listen to her heart. Give her a chance to express her concerns and, as she does so, don’t try to fix her. Don’t give her your solutions unless she asks for them.
So I encourage every husband and wife to commit to the Jesus Way of Talking. Instead of allowing the stress of the situation to control you, you can say to yourself, “Because I love the Lord and I know that He rewards every good word, I am going to be truthful even if my spouse is not. I will also be uplifting, forgiving, thankful and scriptural in my speech because my ultimate goal is to please the Lord. Whatever my spouse’s weaknesses or bad habits might be, I will not let them cause me to sin with my lips.”
You’re the only person in the world who can meet your spouse’s deepest need for love and respect. After all, you alone are married to your spouse.
If we subscribe to the belief that because we are equal we are the same, then we’re going to expect our spouse to respond the way we do.
Your spouse has a need that you don’t have. Are you going to say there is something seriously wrong with them or will you say “Viva la Difference”?
Being a person who communicates what is true frequently demands tact, and at times it can feel like sidestepping land mines. It takes work to be both truthful and tactful.
If husbands and wives are to understand the Love and Respect Connection, they must realize that they communicate in code. And the problem is, they don’t know how to decipher the messages they send to one another.
Will we decide how we see God based on our circumstances, or will we see our circumstances in light of how we view God?
Unconditional respect is as powerful to him as unconditional love is to her.
Can you begin to trust that God feels love for you even when you don’t feel that love?
The more we are upset at something, the wiser it is to let twenty-four hours pass before responding.
It’s hard to realize that we would never act around our business associates the way we act around our spouse.
[Women], as you enter quiet dignity, not preaching at your husband or scolding him as though you were his mother, something happens in his soul as a male.
There is a discrepancy between who we want to be and see ourselves to be and how we actually sound in voice and writing. But with self-reflection and honesty, we can turn the corner and improve our communication. We need only evaluate what we are about to communicate.
[Husbands] the most powerful weapons you have are your ears. Just listen to your wife, and she is much more likely to feel understood.
Marriage is a test of how you unconditionally love and respect your spouse as you obey, honor, and please the Lord.
Pink and Blue perceptions not only affect seeing, they affect hearing as well. Women hear with pink hearing aids and men hear with blue hearing aids. Even more important to understand as you and your spouse seek to gain better communication, you can hear the very same words, but each of you will hear different messages.
Money squabbles don’t undermine love and respect; they simply reveal unloving and disrespectful attitudes, which are the real reason why a marriage can start to wobble on the Crazy Cycle.
To not forgive is to shoot yourself in the foot and put extra gas in the Crazy Cycle.
A man has a natural, inborn desire to go out and “conquer” the challenges of his world – to work and achieve.
We are either going to give in the darkness or we are going to give into the darkness.
Accidental sparks (unwise remarks) ignite and fuel a fire, and vroom goes the Crazy Cycle.
A major step toward a happy marriage is accepting differences and working them out with love and respect.
Above all trust God when the “whys” of life threaten to overwhelm you.
No matter how difficult your spouse may be at the moment, your spouse does not have control over your reaction; you do. You may be experiencing disappointment, frustration or anger, but you always have a choice. A wife can choose to be disrespectful or respectful. A husband can choose to be unloving or loving.
It’s true that women have intuition and that men should listen to them. It’s also true that women have blind spots and need the insight of their husbands.
Stay the course regardless of the child’s respect and obedience. This is the Family Rewarded Cycle: a parents love unto Christ regardless of the child.
We get on the Crazy Cycle because without love a wife reacts without respect, and without respect a husband reacts without love.
A strong woman of dignity puts on respect out of her love and reverence for Jesus Christ. She trusts that His word not only protects and empowers her, but also rewards her with incomprehensible eternal blessings.
As mature men, we need to take leadership and put this out on the table. We must acknowledge our feelings- we need to feel respected. However, as we do this we must acknowledge our wife’s feelings- she needs to feel loved!
Before hitting send, ask yourself, "Have I listened carefully and understand the exact issue on the table?"
We send each other messages in “code” based on gender, even though we don’t intend to. What I say is not what you hear, and what you think you heard is not what I meant at all.
Avoid like the plague trying to punish each other as a means of “motivation.” Christ-followers instinctively know that this destroys any opportunity to act out of reverence for Christ. In all marital issues, love and reverence for Christ must be our primary motivation.
Thank the Lord that in the very beginning He created them male and female – Blue and Pink. Ask Him for patience and ever-growing understanding of how men and women see and hear differently. “He created them male and female, and He blessed them.” (Genesis 5:2)
Although the Crazy Cycle is not what God intends for any marriage, all couples get on it at times from one degree to another.
We blame people for the bad things we do, but take credit for the good things we do.
As a husband, if you can grasp that you don’t always have to solve your wife’s problems, you will take a giant step toward showing her empathy and understanding.
Just because you’re offended doesn’t mean the other person is offensive.
Clearly, in the marriage, in the family and in the household, when you speak words of blessing, you are speaking to the Lord, and for this you will be rewarded.
When Jesus said “turn the other cheek,” He wasn’t saying to be passive wimps. He was teaching that physically people can control you but if you turn and give the other cheek, suddenly you’re in control and you’re making the choices.
“Living happily ever after” means knowing how to deal with the imperfect parts of life.
If you want your husband to express appreciation for your attempts to be respectful, you must speak thankfully when he tries to be loving.
Your husband knows you appreciate his desire to protect and provide when you praise his commitment to provide for you. You empathize when he reveals his male mindset about position, status, or rank at work.
Life is too short to fuss and fret over trivial irritations.
When you love or respect unconditionally regardless of the outcome, you are following God and His will for you.
When the wife flatly says her husband will have to earn her respect before she gives him any, she leaves the husband in a lose-lose situation. Now he is responsible for both love and respect in the relationship. He must unconditionally love his wife and earn her respect.
When one of you makes a mistake, control any anger you may feel and trust God completely, no matter what happens.
He will feel appreciated when you disagree with him only in private and honor his authority in front of the kids.
“With eyes of faith, envision Jesus standing just beyond the shoulder of your spouse and listening to every word you speak in every conversation, pleasant or tense. When you speak lovingly or respectfully to your spouse, you are speaking to Christ. Your spouse just happens to be there too.” This truth has sanctified the lips of many. Instead of giving their spouse a verbal whipping or choking on the idea of saying anything positive, now some spouses are motivated to speak words of unconditional love or respect.
Words of love from a husband are like good medicine that brings life to the marriage.
Research shows that 70% of the couples who were extremely unhappy in their marriage, but hung in there and worked through the tough time, identified themselves as being very happy five years later.
Your wife feels you are open with her when you discuss financial concerns, possible job changes or ideas for your future.
No matter how difficult your spouse may be at the moment, your spouse does not have control over your reaction; you do. You may be experiencing disappointment, frustration, or anger, but you always have a choice.
The Crazy Cycle is, indeed, “the evil of folly and the foolishness of madness” (Ecclesiastes 7:25).
When a wife insists that her husband earn her respect, she puts him in a lose-lose situation.
Marital researchers agree that a huge percentage of communication problems between husband and wife are due not to what is said but to how it is said – the attitude and tone of voice.
Whether visiting a prison, feeding the hungry, giving the thirsty a drink or speaking a word of love or respect, everything is to be done to and for Christ.
[Husbands] do you realize the power of just holding your wife’s hand?
