The 4 Wills of God
Should you take the job? Quit the job? Begin a relationship? End a relationship? Move? Plant roots? How do we find God’s will for life’s big decisions? There is a starting point to discovering God’s Will for your next decision and for your entire life. Discover the freedom you’ve been searching for, and then, like Emerson, you’ll help others find that freedom too.
The Four Wills of God
The Way He Directs Our Steps and Frees Us to Direct Our Own
Discovering God's Will
Emerson Eggerichs believes there is a clear answer to finding God’s will. The Bible itself reveals the clue–a secret hidden in plain sight.
Before launching his Love & Respect marriage ministry with his wife Sarah, Emerson was a senior pastor for nearly 20 years in East Lansing, Michigan. Before that, Emerson and a friend ran a free counseling center called “The Open Door” in Cedar Rapids, Iowa. As Emerson navigated his career he found both he and the people he was counseling were wrestling with big decisions and knowing if that decision was really what God wanted. Immersing himself in God’s word for over 30 hours a week for 19 years, he discovered simple, clear truths that set him and many others free.
Unlocking Freedom
There is a starting point to discovering God’s Will for your next decision and for your entire life. Begin here to read stories of people in the same situations you face today. You’ll be able to discover the freedom you’ve been searching for, and then, like Emerson, you’ll help others find that freedom too.
Read What Others Are Saying About The Four Wills of God!
It was amazing, God anointed it and 6 women made commitments to the first Will of God; Salvation. I just had to tell you and thank you.
Teacher - Rescue Mission
...I recently read The Four Wills of God and I just felt like I should let you know it changed my life...your book helped me see that I couldn't separate certain aspects of God's universal will for my life from His specific will.
Pastor
James
The 4 Will's of God was so good! I teach at the ( . . . ) Women and Children's Rescue Mission. I taught tonight and I taught your 4 Wills message from the TV show that you shared. Praise God! It was amazing, God anointed it and 6 women made commitments to the first Will of God; Salvation. I just had to tell you and thank you.
...I recently read The Four Wills of God and I just felt like I should let you know it changed my life...your book helped me see that I couldn't separate certain aspects of God's universal will for my life from His specific will. In acknowledging and repenting of this I feel as if a door has been opened for me personally and in ministry. God used your book to remind me of some simple truths in a way that I needed to hear them...this is the first time in a long while where I have felt as I did in those early exciting days when I first surrendered to God's unique will for my life. For the first time in a while I feel the adventure of following God is back. I can't wait to see what's next. Thank you for helping me find this again.
I want to thank you for the amazing book The 4 Wills of God!!!!! My entire life I struggled with wanting to know and follow God's will for my life. When I was younger, I always thought there was a perfect will, a perfect life plan, a perfect wife, etc. In 2000 I was doing a part time speaking ministry and teaching school part time - both grew to where I had to choose one or the other. I felt God distinctly letting me know it was up to me to choose either one I wanted. I chose teaching. Your book was a confirmation to me of what God has already been teaching me. I love that it is a lesson that can be explained in 2-3 minutes (I have already shared that with others) and that you also go more in depth in the book. I struggled for many years because I had let lustful thoughts gain control over my life. I realize now that often clouded my spiritual vision of how God wanted to use me. Many blessings to you!!!!!!
Emerson and Sarah Eggerichs
Dr. Emerson Eggerichs is an internationally known public speaker on the topic of male-female relationships. Based on over three decades of pastoring, counseling and study of biblical and scientific research, Dr. Eggerichs and his wife Sarah developed the Love and Respect Conference which they present to live audiences around the country.
About Love & RespectProduct Quotes
If a husband loves his wife as he should, she will feel honored and respected. If a wife respects her husband as she should, he will feel loved and appreciated. It’s a win-win.
Accentuate the positive and eliminate the negative with lots of love and respect in between.
You speak lovingly or respectfully no matter how your spouse may speak to you in return. Your spouse is not the reason--good or bad--why you speak unconditional words of love or respect. God is the reason, and as you depend on Him, you will become increasingly able to speak lovingly and respectfully to your spouse.
Your marriage is really a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and reverence for your Lord.
Do not live by the standards of Hollywood; trust what God says in His Holy Word.
When a husband chooses to come across lovingly even though he feels disrespected, he can prevent the Crazy Cycle from spinning and possibly getting out of control.
The Crazy Cycle is, indeed, “the evil of folly and the foolishness of madness” (Ecclesiastes 7:25).
Ladies, be careful. “A nagging wife goes on and on like the drip, drip, drip of the rain” (Proverbs 19:13).
Don’t pressure yourself with perfection. We are going to fail. A righteous man falls 7 times but gets back up.
When the wife flatly says her husband will have to earn her respect before she gives him any, she leaves the husband in a lose-lose situation. Now he is responsible for both love and respect in the relationship. He must unconditionally love his wife and earn her respect.
She’s not wrong for not being male. He is not wrong for not being female. When you put pink and blue together, you get purple, the color of royalty; the color of God. Together, a husband and wife reflect God’s image.
We have different vulnerabilities. We can pass judgment on one another all day long or we can say God made us different and that’s ok.
“Respect is a man’s deepest value. I have had numerous men tell me, ‘I would rather live with a wife who respected me but did not love me than live with a wife who loved me but did not respect me.’ These men are not saying that they are indifferent to love. They know they need love, but they need to feel respected even more than they need to feel loved.“
Holding back your love or respect will just keep the Crazy Cycle spinning away, but being mature and making the first move could slow it down.
It’s hard to realize that we would never act around our business associates the way we act around our spouse.
Being a person who communicates what is true frequently demands tact, and at times it can feel like sidestepping land mines. It takes work to be both truthful and tactful.
When you look to God and His Word as your ultimate source of significance and security, you don’t demand that your spouse take that role in your life. And as you draw strength from the Lord individually, He draws you closer together as a couple.
Stay the course regardless of the child’s respect and obedience. This is the Family Rewarded Cycle: a parents love unto Christ regardless of the child.
When you’re truly Christ-centered, instead of child-centered, you will be a more effective parent in the long run.
A man has a natural, inborn desire to go out and “conquer” the challenges of his world – to work and achieve.
Every marriage includes trouble some of the time. Do not let the 20% leaven all the rest.
When parents genuinely trust and follow the Lord and His ways, their faith spills over onto the children.
You both forgive for one simple but profound reason: because you know Christ has forgiven you!
As you pray together, you will truly learn to love and respect together.
You have to become proactive, rather than just trying to stop the reactive.
Just because you’re offended doesn’t mean the other person is offensive.
Thank God for His forgiveness of your mistakes. In trying to be a loving man or a respectful woman, we blow it. Owning up to mistakes is never easy, but it is always the way to move forward. Take good care not to accuse your spouse of mistakes as you pray. Also, pray about any forgiving to be done in the family, any forgiveness that needs to be asked. Children may need forgiveness (and what about Mom and Dad?). “There is no one on earth who does what is right all the time and never makes a mistake.” (Ecclesiastes 7:20)
Positive changes flood a relationship immediately when both husband and wife cancel the blame game!
I have concluded that those of us in the church who believe we have the Truth are not using the whole truth. A crucial part of God’s Word has been completely ignored, or perhaps simply gone unnoticed, when it has been there right under our noses the whole time! Many Christian spouses know Ephesians 5:33 and can at least paraphrase it. The Apostle Paul tells husbands to love their wives as much as they love themselves, and wives are to respect their husbands. But is anyone really listening? Perhaps the first step to better communication between husband and wife is to hear what God’s Word clearly says. --Emerson
Can you begin to trust that God feels love for you even when you don’t feel that love?
We send each other messages in “code” based on gender, even though we don’t intend to. What I say is not what you hear, and what you think you heard is not what I meant at all.
Don’t conclude that your spouse is wrong when he/she is seeking to do the right and righteous thing.
We have to step back as Christ followers and ask, “Do I have false expectations that my relationship should be romantic 99% of the time?”
If you are seeking positive change in your marriage, you will need to make a positive change in your attitude and actions.
God’s commands are there to help us, not to hinder us or hold us back as male and female.
Accidental sparks (unwise remarks) ignite and fuel a fire, and vroom goes the Crazy Cycle.
When you look to God and His Word as your ultimate source of significance and security, you don’t demand that your spouse take that role in your life. And as you draw strength from the Lord individually, He draws you closer together as a couple.
I often stress that one of the greatest rewards any persevering spouse can have is being a good example and influence on the children in the family.
The parent-child relationship is as easy, and as difficult, as love and respect.
Research and experience prove that men and women see and hear differently. Recognizing these differences and adjusting to them is absolutely necessary for reaching mutual understanding and better communication.
Wives, you never know: The way you handle this [conflict] might bring your husband not only back to you, but to God. Husbands, you never know: The way you handle this [conflict] might bring your wife not only back to you, but to God. (1 Corinthians 7:16)
Men are solution oriented, they love to solve problems. They want to be helpful.
Knowing my spouse will not be able to love or respect me perfectly, I commit to having a forgiving spirit so that I may never speak hatefully or contemptuously.
“Living happily ever after” means knowing how to deal with the imperfect parts of life.
Although the Crazy Cycle is not what God intends for any marriage, all couples get on it at times from one degree to another.
Thank God for joining you together and for allowing you to trust Him to help you, whatever the issue. God is there for you and expects you to look to Him to keep you together as a team, so ask Him for His help in the smallest of concerns. “So they are no longer two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate.” (Matthew 19:6)
Don’t label each other as bad because you differ on how you solve your troubles.
As a wife, if you can start to understand how important your husband’s work is to him, you will take a giant step toward communicating respect and honor, two things that he values even more than your love.
[Husbands] do you realize the power of just holding your wife’s hand?
It’s true that women have intuition and that men should listen to them. It’s also true that women have blind spots and need the insight of their husbands.
When you possess a forgiving spirit, words of Love and Respect will flow authentically from your lips- and realize that the Lord Himself is listening to you at moments like these. He knows you are not powerless, but actually full of power that He has granted you.
Unconditional love or respect is never wasted. Hang onto this promise: “Let us not lose heart in doing good, for in due time we will reap if we do not grow weary” (Galatians 6:9).
Do you understand that God feels compassion for you, no matter what you have done or what your circumstances may be?
We fool ourselves into thinking the other person causes us to be the way we are. They really don’t! But if we lock into that idea, we become helpless, hopeless victims.
When a wife asks, “Do you love me?” She is not trying to put her husband on the spot. She is simply looking for reassurance.
The key to motivating another person is meeting their deepest need, especially during conflict.
Words of wisdom for all husbands and wives are these: We easily see what is done to us before we see what we are doing to our mate.
[Women], as you enter quiet dignity, not preaching at your husband or scolding him as though you were his mother, something happens in his soul as a male.
Often both spouses have goodwill but are not deciphering each other’s code. She criticizes out of love, but he “hears” only disrespect. He distances himself to prevent feelings from escalating, which is the honorable thing to do, but she “sees” only his failure to be loving!
If a husband chooses to be a peacemaker--taking the needs and concerns of his wife totally into account during any kind of argument or conflict--his wife will be motivated in turn to respond to his authority during stalemates.
Whether visiting a prison, feeding the hungry, giving the thirsty a drink or speaking a word of love or respect, everything is to be done to and for Christ.
When you love or respect unconditionally regardless of the outcome, you are following God and His will for you.
If you want your wife to express appreciation for your attempts to be loving, you must use thankful words when she tries to speak or act respectfully.
Since it is easy to focus on the negative, focus on your mate’s good qualities and express thanks with positive words of Love or Respect.
A wife has one driving need--to feel loved. When that need is met she is happy. A husband has one driving need--to feel respected. When that need is met he is happy. When either of these needs isn’t met, things get crazy. Love and Respect reveals why spouses react negatively to each other, and how they can deal with such conflict quickly, easily and biblically.
Research shows that 70% of the couples who were extremely unhappy in their marriage, but hung in there and worked through the tough time, identified themselves as being very happy five years later.
It’s so easy to dismiss our spouse as childish because we don’t have the same vulnerabilities they do.
In the ultimate sense you marriage has nothing to do with your spouse. It has everything to do with your relationship with Jesus Christ.
Always remember that Pink and Blue have different wiring, different preferences. Assume your spouse has goodwill toward you, no matter what. Both of you can be right, while being different.
[Women], your self-love cannot be derived from your husband’s love. It can affect it, but it does not determine it.
Above all trust God when the “whys” of life threaten to overwhelm you.
Your marriage is a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and reverence for Jesus Christ. God is using your spouse to bring you an eternal reward.
To stay the course in speaking words of Love and Respect, keep your heart in Scripture, trusting in and talking about His promises to help you.
We have discovered that as women motivate their man God’s way, men are energized to love them better. It doesn’t matter if your marriage is good or seems like there is no hope. We have seen God move in powerful ways even when things looked hopeless.
A woman needs love like she needs air to breathe. A man needs respect like he needs air to breathe.
Marriage is a test of how you unconditionally love and respect your spouse as you obey, honor, and please the Lord.
We might say that every negative action in the family has an equal and opposite negative reaction.