The 4 Wills of God

Thank the Lord for the goodwill each of you has toward the other. Ask Him for strength to give each other the benefit of the doubt during moments when someone’s goodwill seems to be lacking. “He who seeks good finds goodwill, but evil comes to him who searches for it.” (Proverbs 11:27)

Self-interest should never come ahead of your spouse’s interests.

We have to step back as Christ followers and ask, “Do I have false expectations that my relationship should be romantic 99% of the time?”

How we react to a situation reveals more about us than about the other person.

Always try to look at your spouse the way Jesus does.

A parent needs to feel respected, especially during conflicts...A child need to feel loved, especially during disputes.

At the very bottom of things, in every case and in every conversation, you can do your marriage a huge favor by assuming she is seeking to feel loved or he is seeking to feel respected and give your spouse some grace!

Your hunger for God can create an appetite in your children.

Marriage is a test of how you unconditionally love and respect your spouse as you obey, honor, and please the Lord.

If you are seeking positive change in your marriage, you will need to make a positive change in your attitude and actions.

The woman absolutely needs love, and the man absolutely needs respect. It’s as simple- and as difficult- as that.

Could you be facing a crisis in faith more than a crisis in your marriage?

Women give a report to build rapport. Men bond through shoulder-to-shoulder activities without talking.

If a husband is commanded to agape- love his wife, then she truly needs love.

Accentuate the positive and eliminate the negative with lots of love and respect in between.

God is not pink. God is not blue. God is purple. When two become one, they have the potential of displaying God’s attributes and character.

As a husband, if you can grasp that you don’t always have to solve your wife’s problems, you will take a giant step toward showing her empathy and understanding.

Men are solution oriented, they love to solve problems. They want to be helpful.

The difference between successful couples and unsuccessful couples is that successful ones keep getting up and dealing with the issues.

When you look to God and His Word as your ultimate source of significance and security, you don’t demand that your spouse take that role in your life. And as you draw strength from the Lord individually, He draws you closer together as a couple.

His love motivates her respect. Her respect motivates his love.

“You can be right, but wrong at the top of your voice.”

A marriage relationship will be energized when couples learn how to motivate each other God’s way.

When you relinquish an offense, you need to send that offense somewhere. So follow Jesus’ example and release it to your heavenly Father.

Husbands, to energize your wife give her face-to-face time, allowing her to talk and share her feelings.

Do you bow to the influence of Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?

Our trustworthiness rests on our truthfulness.

In the ultimate sense, your marriage has nothing to do with your spouse. It has everything to do with your relationship to Jesus Christ.

The Crazy Cycle is, indeed “the evil of folly and the foolishness of madness” (Ecclesiastes 7:25)

I often stress that one of the greatest rewards any persevering spouse can have is being a good example and influence on the children in the family.

Do you understand that God feels compassion for you, no matter what you have done or what your circumstances may be?

Truth will carry its own weight if delivered respectfully and lovingly.

No matter what your struggle- criticism, constant conflict, sex, money, parenting, harsh words- learning to communicate the Love and Respect way can help you make crucial changes and build the kind of relationship that God blesses.

When you come home after you have been apart, the first few moments of reconnecting will set the tone for the rest of the evening.

Refuse to let evil turn you into a contemptuous and hateful person.

There is a discrepancy between who we want to be and see ourselves to be and how we actually sound in voice and writing. But with self-reflection and honesty, we can turn the corner and improve our communication. We need only evaluate what we are about to communicate.

To stay the course in speaking words of Love and Respect, keep your heart in Scripture, trusting in and talking about His promises to help you.

It is crucial for a husband and wife to see that neither one is wrong, but both of them are very different--in body function, outlook and perspective.

Don’t label each other as bad because you differ on how you solve your troubles.

This is the Rewarded Cycle: His love blesses regardless of her respect and her respect blesses regardless of his love.

Mistakes can’t be undone, but they can be forgiven.

We are either going to give in the darkness or we are going to give into the darkness.

We might say that every negative action in the family has an equal and opposite negative reaction.

Getting married reveals, usually sooner than later, an incontestable fact: your spouse cannot possibly meet all your needs and desires

Your spouse has a need that you don’t have. Are you going to say there is something seriously wrong with them or will you say “Viva la Difference”?

The Lord made women (Pink) and men (Blue) with differences, and He expects us to recognize and deal with those differences in a loving and respectful way.

God’s commands are there to help us, not to hinder us or hold us back as male and female.

[Women], as you enter quiet dignity, not preaching at your husband or scolding him as though you were his mother, something happens in his soul as a male.

“With eyes of faith, envision Jesus standing just beyond the shoulder of your spouse and listening to every word you speak in every conversation, pleasant or tense. When you speak lovingly or respectfully to your spouse, you are speaking to Christ. Your spouse just happens to be there too.” This truth has sanctified the lips of many. Instead of giving their spouse a verbal whipping or choking on the idea of saying anything positive, now some spouses are motivated to speak words of unconditional love or respect.

God rewards your obedience to love and respect, even if your spouse does not respond!

As mature men, we need to take leadership and put this out on the table. We must acknowledge our feelings- we need to feel respected. However, as we do this we must acknowledge our wife’s feelings- she needs to feel loved!

So I encourage every husband and wife to commit to the Jesus Way of Talking. Instead of allowing the stress of the situation to control you, you can say to yourself, “Because I love the Lord and I know that He rewards every good word, I am going to be truthful even if my spouse is not. I will also be uplifting, forgiving, thankful and scriptural in my speech because my ultimate goal is to please the Lord. Whatever my spouse’s weaknesses or bad habits might be, I will not let them cause me to sin with my lips.”

If a husband chooses to be a peacemaker--taking the needs and concerns of his wife totally into account during any kind of argument or conflict--his wife will be motivated in turn to respond to his authority during stalemates.

You may believe that the careless, unloving or disrespectful words you speak are because your spouse is causing you to speak this way, but Jesus says that it is coming out of your heart.

When we speak before we think, we widen the chances the other person(s) will be notably hurt, frustrated, confused, angry, fearful, or offended by something we’ve communicated.

Husbands, even Jesus Himself was asked by a woman, “Do you not care?” (Luke 10:40) When your wife accuses you of not caring, decode her deeper meaning.

Recognize your different gifts--how each of you (Pink and Blue) functions according to God’s perfect design.

Above all trust God when the “whys” of life threaten to overwhelm you.

If husbands and wives are to understand the Love and Respect Connection, they must realize that they communicate in code. And the problem is, they don’t know how to decipher the messages they send to one another.

Since it is easy to focus on the negative, focus on your mate’s good qualities and express thanks with positive words of Love or Respect.

God’s commands are not burdensome, but are given to us to spare us from more pain. Why would God command you to do something that doesn’t work?

We blame people for the bad things we do, but take credit for the good things we do.

When you possess a forgiving spirit, words of Love and Respect will flow authentically from your lips- and realize that the Lord Himself is listening to you at moments like these. He knows you are not powerless, but actually full of power that He has granted you.

Research shows that 70% of the couples who were extremely unhappy in their marriage, but hung in there and worked through the tough time, identified themselves as being very happy five years later.

A strong woman of dignity puts on respect out of her love and reverence for Jesus Christ. She trusts that His word not only protects and empowers her, but also rewards her with incomprehensible eternal blessings.

Your wife feels you are open with her when you discuss financial concerns, possible job changes or ideas for your future.

Responding to offensive words or actions with your own offensive words and actions is damaging and unproductive.

“Respect is a man’s deepest value. I have had numerous men tell me, ‘I would rather live with a wife who respected me but did not love me than live with a wife who loved me but did not respect me.’ These men are not saying that they are indifferent to love. They know they need love, but they need to feel respected even more than they need to feel loved.“

We fool ourselves into thinking the other person causes us to be the way we are. They really don’t! But if we lock into that idea, we become helpless, hopeless victims.

There is power and freedom that comes in understanding that no one can cause you to react in a certain way. It is your choice.

Your position in Christ is what counts, not your less-than-perfect performance.

Assuming goodwill can be revolutionary in relationships.

A most significant point of this book is this: If what we think is true, kind, necessary, and clear, we need to have the courage to hit send. This isn’t about refraining from speaking; this is about speaking.

Share what God is saying to your heart, not what you think He needs to say to your mate.

It is hard to be negative while being thankful.

When evil comes at you, you’re the one who makes the choice of whether or not it is going to go into you.

Just because you may feel unloved or disrespected does not mean your spouse is sending that message.

When we feel crippling discouragement by the sinful choices and outcomes of our kids, we must not let this permanently deter us from parenting God’s way.

Suppressing negative feelings is not loving, respectful or very wise. Speak up tactfully.

When a husband feels disrespected, he has a natural tendency to react in ways that feel unloving to his wife. (Perhaps the command to love was given to him precisely for this reason!) When a wife feels unloved, she has a natural tendency to react in ways that feel disrespectful to her husband. (Perhaps the command to respect was given to her precisely for this reason!)

Marital researchers agree that a huge percentage of communication problems between husband and wife are due not to what is said but to how it is said – the attitude and tone of voice.

You can be right in the argument, but wrong in your approach.

Love and Respect is a faith venture, not a formula.

Whether visiting a prison, feeding the hungry, giving the thirsty a drink or speaking a word of love or respect, everything is to be done to and for Christ.

God is good and wants what is best for us.

When others do not respond to our communication, we need to look first at our communication style. Is the other person incapable of hearing what we have to say? Or are we abrupt, brusque, and curt?

It is so easy to draw wrong conclusions about a spouse’s character and motives due to an occasional flare-up or silly comment.

Never give up. If you want to have a strong marriage, you need to accept temporary setbacks as part of the game.

As strong and powerful as marriage bonds can become, our deepest dependency must be on the Lord, not another human being.

Both Judas and Peter denied Jesus Christ, but there is a huge difference between a Judas and a Peter.

God is not trying to trick you or mess with you. Trust that He wants to reveal Himself to you just as much as He wants to reveal Himself to the world.

It’s crucial to communicate with the right tone of voice and the right expression on your face.

Here is the secret to marriage that every couple seeks and yet few find: Unconditional respect is as powerful for him as unconditional love is for her. It’s the secret that will help you achieve a brand new level of intimacy.

When Jesus said “turn the other cheek,” He wasn’t saying to be passive wimps. He was teaching that physically people can control you but if you turn and give the other cheek, suddenly you’re in control and you’re making the choices.

A husband may deserve contempt, but that doesn’t win him any more than harshness and anger wins the heart of a woman.

To not forgive is to shoot yourself in the foot and put extra gas in the Crazy Cycle.

Although the Crazy Cycle is not what God intends for any marriage, all couples get on it at times from one degree to another.

When sorting out how to slow down the Crazy Cycle, it helps to remember that men are commanded to love because they don’t love naturally, and on the other side, women are commanded to respect because they don’t respect naturally.

Christian maturity involves a lot of things, but surely it includes knowing how to process your anger.

We are worth Jesus to the Father.