The 4 Wills of God
Should you take the job? Quit the job? Begin a relationship? End a relationship? Move? Plant roots? How do we find God’s will for life’s big decisions? There is a starting point to discovering God’s Will for your next decision and for your entire life. Discover the freedom you’ve been searching for, and then, like Emerson, you’ll help others find that freedom too.

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The Four Wills of God
The Way He Directs Our Steps and Frees Us to Direct Our Own
Discovering God's Will
Emerson Eggerichs believes there is a clear answer to finding God’s will. The Bible itself reveals the clue–a secret hidden in plain sight.
Before launching his Love & Respect marriage ministry with his wife Sarah, Emerson was a senior pastor for nearly 20 years in East Lansing, Michigan. Before that, Emerson and a friend ran a free counseling center called “The Open Door” in Cedar Rapids, Iowa. As Emerson navigated his career he found both he and the people he was counseling were wrestling with big decisions and knowing if that decision was really what God wanted. Immersing himself in God’s word for over 30 hours a week for 19 years, he discovered simple, clear truths that set him and many others free.
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Unlocking Freedom
There is a starting point to discovering God’s Will for your next decision and for your entire life. Begin here to read stories of people in the same situations you face today. You’ll be able to discover the freedom you’ve been searching for, and then, like Emerson, you’ll help others find that freedom too.

Read What Others Are Saying About The Four Wills of God!
It was amazing, God anointed it and 6 women made commitments to the first Will of God; Salvation. I just had to tell you and thank you.
Teacher - Rescue Mission
...I recently read The Four Wills of God and I just felt like I should let you know it changed my life...your book helped me see that I couldn't separate certain aspects of God's universal will for my life from His specific will.
Pastor
James
The 4 Will's of God was so good! I teach at the ( . . . ) Women and Children's Rescue Mission. I taught tonight and I taught your 4 Wills message from the TV show that you shared. Praise God! It was amazing, God anointed it and 6 women made commitments to the first Will of God; Salvation. I just had to tell you and thank you.
...I recently read The Four Wills of God and I just felt like I should let you know it changed my life...your book helped me see that I couldn't separate certain aspects of God's universal will for my life from His specific will. In acknowledging and repenting of this I feel as if a door has been opened for me personally and in ministry. God used your book to remind me of some simple truths in a way that I needed to hear them...this is the first time in a long while where I have felt as I did in those early exciting days when I first surrendered to God's unique will for my life. For the first time in a while I feel the adventure of following God is back. I can't wait to see what's next. Thank you for helping me find this again.
I want to thank you for the amazing book The 4 Wills of God!!!!! My entire life I struggled with wanting to know and follow God's will for my life. When I was younger, I always thought there was a perfect will, a perfect life plan, a perfect wife, etc. In 2000 I was doing a part time speaking ministry and teaching school part time - both grew to where I had to choose one or the other. I felt God distinctly letting me know it was up to me to choose either one I wanted. I chose teaching. Your book was a confirmation to me of what God has already been teaching me. I love that it is a lesson that can be explained in 2-3 minutes (I have already shared that with others) and that you also go more in depth in the book. I struggled for many years because I had let lustful thoughts gain control over my life. I realize now that often clouded my spiritual vision of how God wanted to use me. Many blessings to you!!!!!!
Emerson and Sarah Eggerichs
Dr. Emerson Eggerichs is an internationally known public speaker on the topic of male-female relationships. Based on over three decades of pastoring, counseling and study of biblical and scientific research, Dr. Eggerichs and his wife Sarah developed the Love and Respect Conference which they present to live audiences around the country.
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Product Quotes
Clearly, in the marriage, in the family and in the household, when you speak words of blessing, you are speaking to the Lord, and for this you will be rewarded.
Research and experience prove that men and women see and hear differently. Recognizing these differences and adjusting to them is absolutely necessary for reaching mutual understanding and better communication.
If you are seeking positive change in your marriage, you will need to make a positive change in your attitude and actions.
Women give a report to build rapport. Men bond through shoulder-to-shoulder activities without talking.
[Women], your self-love cannot be derived from your husband’s love. It can affect it, but it does not determine it.
Never give up. If you want to have a strong marriage, you need to accept temporary setbacks as part of the game.
When parents genuinely trust and follow the Lord and His ways, their faith spills over onto the children.
The parent-child relationship is as easy, and as difficult, as love and respect.
Words of Love and Respect must include thankfulness spoken to or about your spouse; don’t fixate on weaknesses and faults.
When evil comes at you, you’re the one who makes the choice of whether or not it is going to go into you.
The Crazy Cycle is, indeed “the evil of folly and the foolishness of madness” (Ecclesiastes 7:25)
Husbands, even Jesus Himself was asked by a woman, “Do you not care?” (Luke 10:40) When your wife accuses you of not caring, decode her deeper meaning.
Your husband knows you appreciate his desire to protect and provide when you praise his commitment to provide for you. You empathize when he reveals his male mindset about position, status, or rank at work.
When you’re truly Christ-centered, instead of child-centered, you will be a more effective parent in the long run.
You have to become proactive, rather than just trying to stop the reactive.
Here is the secret to marriage that every couple seeks and yet few find: Unconditional respect is as powerful for him as unconditional love is for her. It’s the secret that will help you achieve a brand new level of intimacy.
[Women], as you enter quiet dignity, not preaching at your husband or scolding him as though you were his mother, something happens in his soul as a male.
We must bring our identity in Christ to our parenting—we must not derive our identity from our children.
The key to motivating another person is meeting their deepest need, especially during conflict.
Words of Love or Respect must uplift your spouse, edifying- never manipulating him or her.
Ladies, be careful. “A nagging wife goes on and on like the drip, drip, drip of the rain” (Proverbs 19:13).
When the wife flatly says her husband will have to earn her respect before she gives him any, she leaves the husband in a lose-lose situation. Now he is responsible for both love and respect in the relationship. He must unconditionally love his wife and earn her respect.
Wives, you never know: The way you handle this [conflict] might bring your husband not only back to you, but to God. Husbands, you never know: The way you handle this [conflict] might bring your wife not only back to you, but to God. (1 Corinthians 7:16)
Research shows that 70% of the couples who were extremely unhappy in their marriage, but hung in there and worked through the tough time, identified themselves as being very happy five years later.
When you love or respect unconditionally regardless of the outcome, you are following God and His will for you.
To not forgive is to shoot yourself in the foot and put extra gas in the Crazy Cycle.
Your spouse may meet many of your needs, but your deepest dependency should be on your Lord.
Always remember that Pink and Blue have different wiring, different preferences. Assume your spouse has goodwill toward you, no matter what. Both of you can be right, while being different.
As mature men, we need to take leadership and put this out on the table. We must acknowledge our feelings- we need to feel respected. However, as we do this we must acknowledge our wife’s feelings- she needs to feel loved!
No matter how difficult your spouse may be at the moment, your spouse does not have control over your reaction; you do. You may be experiencing disappointment, frustration or anger, but you always have a choice. A wife can choose to be disrespectful or respectful. A husband can choose to be unloving or loving.
Both Judas and Peter denied Jesus Christ, but there is a huge difference between a Judas and a Peter.
When you look to God and His Word as your ultimate source of significance and security, you don’t demand that your spouse take that role in your life. And as you draw strength from the Lord individually, He draws you closer together as a couple.
When you come home after you have been apart, the first few moments of reconnecting will set the tone for the rest of the evening.
Getting married reveals, usually sooner than later, an incontestable fact: your spouse cannot possibly meet all your needs and desires
When a wife insists that her husband earn her respect, she puts him in a lose-lose situation.
Feeling unloved, a wife gets defensive and acts offensively without respect. Feeling disrespected, a husband gets defensive and acts offensively without love.
A strong woman of dignity puts on respect out of her love and reverence for Jesus Christ. She trusts that His word not only protects and empowers her, but also rewards her with incomprehensible eternal blessings.
Mutual understanding, not communication, is the key to a healthy marriage relationship.
There is a plan to parent God’s way, even when our children may seek to go their own way at time. The secret is to follow this plan regardless. When you do, I believe you succeed in His eyes.
The woman absolutely needs love, and the man absolutely needs respect. It’s as simple- and as difficult- as that.
No matter how difficult your spouse may be at the moment, your spouse does not have control over your reaction; you do. You may be experiencing disappointment, frustration, or anger, but you always have a choice.
At the very bottom of things, in every case and in every conversation, you can do your marriage a huge favor by assuming she is seeking to feel loved or he is seeking to feel respected and give your spouse some grace!
Don’t label each other as bad because you differ on how you solve your troubles.
Being a person who communicates what is true frequently demands tact, and at times it can feel like sidestepping land mines. It takes work to be both truthful and tactful.
Most marriages will succeed when obeying the command to Love and Respect.
It’s crucial to communicate with the right tone of voice and the right expression on your face.
God’s commands are there to help us, not to hinder us or hold us back as male and female.
When there is confusion, I try to refrain from attacking another for not listening carefully (which may not be the case). Instead, I take a run at communicating again, but more clearly.
Trusting and obeying God’s Word because we love and reverence God never, ever makes us a hypocrite! When the alarm goes off in the morning, we get up, even when we don’t feel like it getting up. Because we do what we don’t feel like doing, does that make us hypocrites? No, it’s a sign we are responsible people. Showing respectful behavior when we don’t “feel respectful” is evidence of maturity.
Unconditional respect is as powerful to him as unconditional love is to her.
You must “ask God from the wealth of his glory to give you power through his Spirit to be strong in your inner selves.”
Since it is easy to focus on the negative, focus on your mate’s good qualities and express thanks with positive words of Love or Respect.
Thank the Lord for all the trouble-free moments in which you and your spouse enjoy Him, each other, your family, your ministry and life as a whole. Ask Him for the strength to accept your measure of trouble, and the wisdom to deal with the annoyances and irritations by loving and respecting each other with new commitment. (You may also want to pray about troubles at work, at church, with the children…) “But those who marry will have trouble in this life” (1 Corinthians 7:28)
Though the end can be worthy (to be loved and respected), when each uses unholy means (unloving and disrespectful words and actions), it will not achieve those ends. We must treat others as we expect them to treat us. To deny this makes us arrogant or fools, or both.
When a husband chooses to come across lovingly even though he feels disrespected, he can prevent the Crazy Cycle from spinning and possibly getting out of control.
When your wife comes to talk to you, listen to her. Realize she is coming to you because you matter more to her than anyone else. She has certain emotional needs and only you can meet them. Sometimes she may say things that don’t make sense to you and she is apt to misspeak and exaggerate when she is upset, but don’t put her down. Instead, listen to her heart. Give her a chance to express her concerns and, as she does so, don’t try to fix her. Don’t give her your solutions unless she asks for them.
When a wife feels unloved, it can be such a shock to her heart that she is oblivious to her disrespectful reactions toward her husband, though any man watching could see it plainly.
When you relinquish an offense, you need to send that offense somewhere. So follow Jesus’ example and release it to your heavenly Father.
Accentuate the positive and eliminate the negative with lots of love and respect in between.
When sorting out how to slow down the Crazy Cycle, it helps to remember that men are commanded to love because they don’t love naturally, and on the other side, women are commanded to respect because they don’t respect naturally.
Share what God is saying to your heart, not what you think He needs to say to your mate.
The Lord made women (Pink) and men (Blue) with differences, and He expects us to recognize and deal with those differences in a loving and respectful way.
Our research shows that couples who pray together are more apt to reap all kinds of benefits, including better and more frequent communication, going on “dates” more frequently and having sex more frequently.
When a husband feels disrespected, he has a natural tendency to react in ways that feel unloving to his wife. (Perhaps the command to love was given to him precisely for this reason!) When a wife feels unloved, she has a natural tendency to react in ways that feel disrespectful to her husband. (Perhaps the command to respect was given to her precisely for this reason!)
When a husband chooses to do or say something loving, and that includes saying, ‘I’m sorry for coming across in an unloving way,’ he energizes his wife. When a wife decides to express herself respectfully, and that includes apologizing for her disrespectful attitude, she energizes her husband.
Just because you may feel unloved or disrespected does not mean your spouse is sending that message.
Christian maturity involves a lot of things, but surely it includes knowing how to process your anger.
Just because you’re offended doesn’t mean the other person is offensive.
Thank the Lord that in the very beginning He created them male and female – Blue and Pink. Ask Him for patience and ever-growing understanding of how men and women see and hear differently. “He created them male and female, and He blessed them.” (Genesis 5:2)
You speak lovingly or respectfully no matter how your spouse may speak to you in return. Your spouse is not the reason--good or bad--why you speak unconditional words of love or respect. God is the reason, and as you depend on Him, you will become increasingly able to speak lovingly and respectfully to your spouse.
Do not live by the standards of Hollywood; trust what God says in His Holy Word.
When we speak before we think, we widen the chances the other person(s) will be notably hurt, frustrated, confused, angry, fearful, or offended by something we’ve communicated.
We blame people for the bad things we do, but take credit for the good things we do.
You’re the only person in the world who can meet your spouse’s deepest need for love and respect. After all, you alone are married to your spouse.
Before hitting send, ask yourself, "Have I listened carefully and understand the exact issue on the table?"
“Living happily ever after” means knowing how to deal with the imperfect parts of life.
God’s commands are not burdensome, but are given to us to spare us from more pain. Why would God command you to do something that doesn’t work?
This is the Rewarded Cycle: His love blesses regardless of her respect and her respect blesses regardless of his love.
Husbands, to energize your wife give her face-to-face time, allowing her to talk and share her feelings.
We can all have moments of anger, but this does not mean we have to lose control and sin.
