The 4 Wills of God

When a husband chooses to come across lovingly even though he feels disrespected, he can prevent the Crazy Cycle from spinning and possibly getting out of control.

Marriage is a tool and a test to allow God’s will to be revealed in our lives.

It is crucial for a husband and wife to see that neither one is wrong, but both of them are very different--in body function, outlook and perspective.

When evil comes at you, you’re the one who makes the choice of whether or not it is going to go into you.

God designed the woman to love. He’s not going to command her to agape her husband when He created her to do that in the first place. God is not into redundancy.

If you are seeking positive change in your marriage, you will need to make a positive change in your attitude and actions.

I often stress that one of the greatest rewards any persevering spouse can have is being a good example and influence on the children in the family.

When you look to God and His Word as your ultimate source of significance and security, you don’t demand that your spouse take that role in your life. And as you draw strength from the Lord individually, He draws you closer together as a couple.

The mature one in the marriage seldom moves second.

As a wife, if you can start to understand how important your husband’s work is to him, you will take a giant step toward communicating respect and honor, two things that he values even more than your love.

Husbands, to energize your wife give her face-to-face time, allowing her to talk and share her feelings.

Feeling unloved, a wife gets defensive and acts offensively without respect. Feeling disrespected, a husband gets defensive and acts offensively without love.

In the ultimate sense, your marriage has nothing to do with your spouse. It has everything to do with your relationship to Jesus Christ.

Your spouse can have a need that you don’t have and that’s okay.

Just because you’re offended doesn’t mean the other person is offensive.

Love and Respect is a faith venture, not a formula.

Fight like a loving man and a respectful woman. Fight fair.

A major step toward a happy marriage is accepting differences and working them out with love and respect.

His love motivates her respect. Her respect motivates his love.

Marriage is a test of how you unconditionally love and respect your spouse as you obey, honor, and please the Lord.

God is good and wants what is best for us.

God is not pink. God is not blue. God is purple. When two become one, they have the potential of displaying God’s attributes and character.

It’s so easy to dismiss our spouse as childish because we don’t have the same vulnerabilities they do.

We blame people for the bad things we do, but take credit for the good things we do.

The Lord made women (Pink) and men (Blue) with differences, and He expects us to recognize and deal with those differences in a loving and respectful way.

Recognize your different gifts--how each of you (Pink and Blue) functions according to God’s perfect design.

It is so easy to draw wrong conclusions about a spouse’s character and motives due to an occasional flare-up or silly comment.

If we subscribe to the belief that because we are equal we are the same, then we’re going to expect our spouse to respond the way we do.

The woman absolutely needs love, and the man absolutely needs respect. It’s as simple- and as difficult- as that.

Men are solution oriented, they love to solve problems. They want to be helpful.

Stay the course regardless of the child’s respect and obedience. This is the Family Rewarded Cycle: a parents love unto Christ regardless of the child.

We might say that every negative action in the family has an equal and opposite negative reaction.

[Husbands] do you realize the power of just holding your wife’s hand?

Words of Love or Respect must uplift your spouse, edifying- never manipulating him or her.

The Crazy Cycle is, indeed “the evil of folly and the foolishness of madness” (Ecclesiastes 7:25)

Being friendly to her man is one of the most effective things a woman can do to strengthen her marriage.

In the ultimate sense you marriage has nothing to do with your spouse. It has everything to do with your relationship with Jesus Christ.

Your hunger for God can create an appetite in your children.

The Crazy Cycle is, indeed, “the evil of folly and the foolishness of madness” (Ecclesiastes 7:25).

Share what God is saying to your heart, not what you think He needs to say to your mate.

Clearly, in the marriage, in the family and in the household, when you speak words of blessing, you are speaking to the Lord, and for this you will be rewarded.

Suppressing negative feelings is not loving, respectful or very wise. Speak up tactfully.

Life is too short to fuss and fret over trivial irritations.

We have to step back as Christ followers and ask, “Do I have false expectations that my relationship should be romantic 99% of the time?”

Marriage is a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and your reverence for Jesus Christ.

This is the Rewarded Cycle: His love blesses regardless of her respect and her respect blesses regardless of his love.

Every marriage includes trouble some of the time. Do not let the 20% leaven all the rest.

Your wife will feel esteemed when you speak highly of her in front of others.

So I encourage every husband and wife to commit to the Jesus Way of Talking. Instead of allowing the stress of the situation to control you, you can say to yourself, “Because I love the Lord and I know that He rewards every good word, I am going to be truthful even if my spouse is not. I will also be uplifting, forgiving, thankful and scriptural in my speech because my ultimate goal is to please the Lord. Whatever my spouse’s weaknesses or bad habits might be, I will not let them cause me to sin with my lips.”

Your spouse deserves the truth from you. Do your best to tell it with love and respect.

Just because you may feel unloved or disrespected does not mean your spouse is sending that message.

Women give a report to build rapport. Men bond through shoulder-to-shoulder activities without talking.

Assume goodwill about the person you are in conflict with.

When we feel crippling discouragement by the sinful choices and outcomes of our kids, we must not let this permanently deter us from parenting God’s way.

You must “ask God from the wealth of his glory to give you power through his Spirit to be strong in your inner selves.”

With a better understanding of God’s promises, you will be on your way to a renewed mind and a changed life.

Wives, to energize your husband do an activity with him, shoulder-to-shoulder, without talking.

Whose voice are you listening to: Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?

Your spouse has a need that you don’t have. Are you going to say there is something seriously wrong with them or will you say “Viva la Difference”?

You have to become proactive, rather than just trying to stop the reactive.

There is a discrepancy between who we want to be and see ourselves to be and how we actually sound in voice and writing. But with self-reflection and honesty, we can turn the corner and improve our communication. We need only evaluate what we are about to communicate.

If you want your husband to express appreciation for your attempts to be respectful, you must speak thankfully when he tries to be loving.

I had often asked God to compensate for my mistakes, but in return had I thought He would give me perfect children?

When sorting out how to slow down the Crazy Cycle, it helps to remember that men are commanded to love because they don’t love naturally, and on the other side, women are commanded to respect because they don’t respect naturally.

Your husband knows you appreciate his desire to protect and provide when you praise his commitment to provide for you. You empathize when he reveals his male mindset about position, status, or rank at work.

Clarifying is what you do before you step on your mate’s air hose and deflate his or her spirit. For example, you are having a typical conversation, but you can tell there is a misunderstanding. One of you isn’t being clear or isn’t hearing correctly. Then and there you clarify the misunderstanding before your spouse’s spirit deflates. You lovingly or respectfully clarify matters so that your spouse will not feel unloved or disrespected. The reason you take pains to clarify a seemingly small matter is to prevent the situation from becoming a love and respect issue that needs decoding. Clarifying is what you do to stay off the Crazy Cycle and keep positive, energetic feelings flowing between the two of you, to keep yourselves on the Energizing Cycle.

Always remember that Pink and Blue have different wiring, different preferences. Assume your spouse has goodwill toward you, no matter what. Both of you can be right, while being different.

When Jesus said “turn the other cheek,” He wasn’t saying to be passive wimps. He was teaching that physically people can control you but if you turn and give the other cheek, suddenly you’re in control and you’re making the choices.

Often both spouses have goodwill but are not deciphering each other’s code. She criticizes out of love, but he “hears” only disrespect. He distances himself to prevent feelings from escalating, which is the honorable thing to do, but she “sees” only his failure to be loving!

Do you understand that God feels compassion for you, no matter what you have done or what your circumstances may be?

Accentuate the positive and eliminate the negative with lots of love and respect in between.

A marriage relationship will be energized when couples learn how to motivate each other God’s way.

Do you give yourself grace and your spouse judgment?

You can be right but wrong at the top of your voice.

Good intentions do not always produce good words or outcomes.

Be quick to listen and understand and you have a much better chance of being understood.

You must distinguish between “I can’t” and “I won’t.”

Negative actions rarely produce positive results.

Since it is easy to focus on the negative, focus on your mate’s good qualities and express thanks with positive words of Love or Respect.

It’s true that women have intuition and that men should listen to them. It’s also true that women have blind spots and need the insight of their husbands.

His love blesses regardless of her respect; her respect blesses regardless of his love.

The key to motivating another person is meeting their deepest need, especially during conflict.

Self-interest should never come ahead of your spouse’s interests.

A parent needs to feel respected, especially during conflicts...A child need to feel loved, especially during disputes.

Ladies, be careful. “A nagging wife goes on and on like the drip, drip, drip of the rain” (Proverbs 19:13).

There is a plan to parent God’s way, even when our children may seek to go their own way at time. The secret is to follow this plan regardless. When you do, I believe you succeed in His eyes.

Thank the Lord for all the trouble-free moments in which you and your spouse enjoy Him, each other, your family, your ministry and life as a whole. Ask Him for the strength to accept your measure of trouble, and the wisdom to deal with the annoyances and irritations by loving and respecting each other with new commitment. (You may also want to pray about troubles at work, at church, with the children…) “But those who marry will have trouble in this life” (1 Corinthians 7:28)

We all need love and respect equally. But, during conflict our felt needs are as different as pink is from blue.

As you pray together, you will truly learn to love and respect together.

As mature men, we need to take leadership and put this out on the table. We must acknowledge our feelings- we need to feel respected. However, as we do this we must acknowledge our wife’s feelings- she needs to feel loved!

Be friendly. Be friendly. Be friendly. Watch what happens.

When a husband feels disrespected, he has a natural tendency to react in ways that feel unloving to his wife. (Perhaps the command to love was given to him precisely for this reason!) When a wife feels unloved, she has a natural tendency to react in ways that feel disrespectful to her husband. (Perhaps the command to respect was given to her precisely for this reason!)

God’s commands are there to help us, not to hinder us or hold us back as male and female.

Above all trust God when the “whys” of life threaten to overwhelm you.

When you relinquish an offense, you need to send that offense somewhere. So follow Jesus’ example and release it to your heavenly Father.

Both Judas and Peter denied Jesus Christ, but there is a huge difference between a Judas and a Peter.

Thank the Lord for the goodwill each of you has toward the other. Ask Him for strength to give each other the benefit of the doubt during moments when someone’s goodwill seems to be lacking. “He who seeks good finds goodwill, but evil comes to him who searches for it.” (Proverbs 11:27)

Can you begin to trust that God feels love for you even when you don’t feel that love?

He will feel appreciated when you disagree with him only in private and honor his authority in front of the kids.

Troubles over sex and money do not cause a marriage to go under. The lack of love and respect during conflict cause the marriage to go under.