Love & Respect Conference and 10 Week Study - Workbook (Download)
This is a digital download purchase of the study guide for the 10 Week Love and Respect Conference series, available to watch in both DVD and online format. This purchase is for single-use license - Order as many as you will need.
Love & Respect Conference Sessions
- The Crazy Cycle: Part 1 (49:50)
- The Crazy Cycle: Part 2 (33:23)
- The Energizing Cycle (C.O.U.P.L.E.): Part 1 (41:51)
- The Energizing Cycle (C.O.U.P.L.E.): Part 2 (49:53)
- The Energizing Cycle (C.H.A.I.R.S.): Part 1 (49:31)
- The Energizing Cycle (C.H.A.I.R.S.): Part 2 (41:31)
- Sarah’s Practical Application: Part 1 (33:07)
- Sarah’s Practical Application: Part 2 (43:09)
- The Rewarded Cycle: Part 1 (36:21)
- The Rewarded Cycle: Part 2 (35:13)
The Love & Respect Conference Workbook
Unlock the secret to a thriving marriage
In Love & Respect, author Dr. Emerson Eggerichs introduces the concept of the Crazy Cycle, a negative communication pattern that can occur in marriages. When one partner responds in a way that feels disrespectful to the other partner, it can trigger a negative reaction, causing the cycle to continue. Learn how to break the cycle and build a stronger relationship.
To break the Crazy Cycle, Dr. Eggerichs suggests that couples need to recognize and address the underlying needs for love and respect in both partners. By showing love and respect to one another, couples can create a positive cycle of interaction and strengthen their relationship. You will learn practical tips and exercises to cultivate this positive cycle.
Through the Crazy Cycle, Love & Respect offers valuable insights into the ways that negative communication patterns can impact a marriage. By understanding and addressing these patterns, couples can build a stronger and more loving relationship.
In Love & Respect, Dr. Emerson Eggerichs presents an alternative to the Crazy Cycle: the Energizing Cycle. This positive communication pattern starts with the wife showing respect to her husband, which makes him feel respected. In turn, the husband shows love to his wife, which makes her feel loved. This creates a positive feedback loop where both partners feel loved and respected.
By consistently showing appreciation, affection, and empathy, couples can cultivate the Energizing Cycle and build a strong and healthy relationship. Love and respect are two essential needs for both partners in a marriage, and meeting these needs can lead to greater intimacy, connection, and satisfaction in the relationship.
The Energizing Cycle offers a practical and effective way for couples to break negative communication patterns and build a more positive and fulfilling relationship. By intentionally showing love and respect to one another, couples can strengthen their bond and experience greater happiness and fulfillment in their marriage.
In Love & Respect, Dr. Emerson Eggerichs introduces the concept of the Rewarded Cycle, where the husband demonstrates love regardless of her respect and the wife demonstrates respect regardless of his love.
But what if your husband doesn't show you love when you show him respect? What if your wife doesn't show you respect as you show her love? If you get no results from practicing Love & Respect, why bother?
The Rewarded Cycle gives you the answers to these questions. In a real sense, the Rewarded Cycle is the most important session in this course as we are called to love and respect are spouse unconditionally, unto the Lord.
The C.O.U.P.L.E. acronym stands for Closeness, Openness, Understanding, Peacemaking, Loyalty, and Esteem. This is how a husband shows love to his wife.
Each element of the C.O.U.P.L.E. acronym represents a key aspect of a healthy and fulfilling relationship. By working to develop these qualities in their marriage, couples can build a stronger and more loving relationship.
In these six area you will learn how to spell "love" to your wife.
The C.H.A.I.R.S. acronym presented in this course gives you practical, biblical ways that will help you become more respectful women. Wives do not need a lot of coaching on being loving. It is something God built into them, and they do it naturally. However, they do need help with respect.
Providing more energy for your marriage is exactly what the C.H.A.I.R.S. acronym is all about. C.H.A.I.R.S stands for the six major values that your husband holds: Conquest, Hierarchy, Authority, Insight, Relationship, and Sexuality.
In these six areas you will learn how to spell "respect" to your husband.
This is the comprehensive workbook to the new Love & Respect Conference DVDs and 10 Week study. This workbook can facilitate individual, couple or group study and includes a LEADER’S GUIDE section. It can be used to just watch the live conference portion of the DVDs, using the fill-in-the-blank in-session guide only, but the best option is to combine this with a more in-depth study using the discussion questions for each session, the application portion, the mid-week devotional time and more! The good news is you get both in this workbook.
More About the Conference DVDS and Study
Excited yet burdened about male and female relationships, Dr. Emerson Eggerichs and his wife Sarah launched the Love & Respect Conferences in 1999. Based on over three decades of counseling as well as scientific and biblical research, this conference has given hope and new life to thousands of marriages over the last 17 years and is now available in HD on DVD for the first time, with over 6 hours of dynamic teaching on five discs! It is a great resource for your personal or counseling library. Filmed in front of a live audience this presentation is perfect for individuals, couples and small groups.
Discover Why Over 3 Million Couples, Churches, and Small Groups Trust Love & Respect!
"Well a miracle happened! I read the Love and Respect book entirely last week...As we went thru the (Love and Respect) DVDs I could feel a gentle release of the pain that gripped our marriage for 22 years. Rather than a “light-bulb” moment, it’s been more of a dimmer switch getting brighter with the hope we’ll be OK now that we have some tools for an even better marriage. A softening has occurred…We are already teaching the kids some of the principles and have decided to re-watch the DVDs with the kids."
This concept had played a pivotal role in changing the tide in our marriage from divorce to reconciliation. We have since led the Love and Respect small group 8 times (around 100 couples)…We have an intense desire to help marriages, and we believe if two stubborn, selfish people like us could let God change our hearts, well anyone can!! Your ministry helped save our marriage!
"...something happened when you got up and started speaking. My husband woke up. When we left…he apologized for not being a good husband and wants to make things better. I apologized to him for my attitudes. Things are starting to turn around. Thank you and please keep us in your prayers."
"After 13 years I can finally say our marriage is truly like a dream. It is unbelievable how tender and fun and honest and caring and loving and joyful and playful and kind and intimate and generous and forgiving and sincere and giving and wonderful our marriage is. It is a MIRACLE. And only with God’s guidance in His Word and from your Love and Respect series has this been possible."
"BUT...As a wonderful, undeserved gift from the Father who so incredibly bestows good things on his children, God opened my husband's heart… he became a changed man. A man who loves me, adores me, apologizes to me quickly…and talks to me all the time. Praise God from whom all blessings flow. Thank you for being willing to share the message of love and respect across our nation. I am forever grateful."
"...About a year ago, after going to countless seminars, numerous marriage counselors, and who knows how many books, they discovered the Love & Respect series. To the rest of us it was just another stab in the dark and the seemingly obvious expectation of a divorce was still there. When my parents did a complete 180-degree turn around, it was very difficult not to be still in denial and hurt and expect it not to last too long. It was definitely something I would call, without any doubt, a miracle."
"We watched the videos of your conference...I cry as I write this, because it was almost immediately that our marriage began to be restored…(my husband) said he could not stand to be away from his family any longer and he asked the kids and I to be with him. What makes this a miracle was that we didn’t go back into the same broken marriage, but instead into one that was healed."
"Probably no way to ever thank you. Ever. I am telling everyone about the DVD series and trying to get our pastor to show it at church on Sunday mornings.”
"God began to do miracles in each of our hearts, and we could each see how God had been changing our hearts in various ways while we were apart, and we had no idea we were both experiencing that. We both got a copy of the Love and Respect book and were reading it over the phone and talking through our past difficulties and differences..."
"The turnaround in our marriage is a miracle and is a profound event in my life…we have had hard discussions since I finished the (Love & Respect) book and since we attended the conference, but not one has turned into an argument. We have had disagreements, but not disconnection. Every hard discussion has resulted in a deeper level of intimacy in our marriage. I never thought this was possible. God is able to do immeasurably more than we ever ask or imagine."
" My friend basically stuck your DVD series in my face & said, “You've got to watch this!” My husband & I did. In fact, we still are for the 2nd time around. Just yesterday my husband said, "We are supposed to call couples so we can pray together." This is not the "norm" for my husband. To invite people into our home so we can talk & be transparent...Wow!"
"We attended the conference and want to let you know how blessed we were by the truth you spoke. God has used your message to transform us and our marriage. We are amazed at the miracle and work He is doing in us individually and in our marriage. Your message of love & respect gave us a great start, and God has been gracious to help us along in the journey."
"...I've stopped the divorce…we've spoken to our daughter and shared with her our change of heart and we say thank you. There is no doubt in my life that I'm watching a miracle in action and I say, bless you for your time and effort."
"...I began reading the book the day I bought it. I was shocked and blown away by the truth that was written page after page. I began to see my half in the mess and better yet, I began to see how to resolve our problems and reconcile our marriage...Truly this work and information is a miracle in my life…Everyone needs to know and hear the truth that has set me free! May the Lord richly bless you as you have blessed me!"
"I do not have a 'sudden miracle' story for you currently, but I do believe a miracle is happening gradually in our marriage relationship. My husband and I are going to see a counselor...and he initiated this! Although he said at the conference that he felt we were 'beyond this' in terms of the answers we need, he has noticeably softened since, and I know I have changed my attitude as a result of the heart-changing, mind-renewing message you shared."
"Your course just fit in perfectly and filled in the missing pieces…We are to respect our differences. Laughter and peace has come into our home again..."
"Love and Respect was nothing short of a miracle in saving my marriage, and I would love the opportunity to make others aware of your Ministry and what it can do for a marriage. I hold a Master’s degree in Counseling, and I am a Christian…Thank you so much, and God Bless you both for saving my marriage."
"One of God's miracles in all of this is (we) made a commitment to go for counseling and the person that gave us the counseling used all his teaching based on Love and Respect. First we had to re-read your book, then we went through your 5 DVDs on Love and Respect…with obedience, faith, patience and with (the) Love and Respect teaching God worked His plans His way..."
"The changes in my marriage are so drastic that it can only be attributed to a miracle…my life will NEVER be the same. I will, with God's help, ALWAYS seek God and His ways. My marriage has changed and my children will be blessed because of it. This truly does make a difference for generations to come."
"My own experiences along with your advice have resulted in a miracle in my life. I enjoy my husband as I did when we were courting (more, even). Our sex life has improved 100% as I find respecting my husband a turn-on (believe it or not). Today, he gets more than enough respect (and sex) and I get all the love and protection that I could ever want. There is now great joy in my marriage thanks to your help."
I have now realized what that empty feeling in my stomach was. It was RESPECT for me and LOVE for her. Mind blown. It's not about right and wrong but mutual understanding. Wish I had watched this my spouse 6 months [ago] as we probably would not be separated if we saw the videos together.
My husband and I are married 18 years and are a blended family. We have done love and respect 4 times!!! We purchased the conference and used it for 3 bible studies in our home over the years and have seen many marriages transformed. Three were saved from the verge of divorce and are thriving wonderfully.
Please let me say that I have enjoyed your material for quite a while. Several years ago I purchased a DVD set of an earlier seminar that I and my wife have watched several times together. I still like to sit down with the DVD's and freshen up my understanding of the marriage relationship.
...We are looking forward to going through the Conference again and having this material at our fingertips for reference. "My Response is my Responsibility" has been tremendously helpful not only for our marriage but in so many other areas of our life.
...My wife and I saw the application of this material help us take our very good marriage to one of tremendous mutual blessing! We have now taught the first small group version as well as the subsequent two video small group versions to over 50 couples over the past decade, and without fail it has had a positive life changing impact on them...
We attended this weekend and I will say that it has renewed our commitment to each other. I will say that the live event was even better than what we expected. Thank you for your ministry and may the Lord continue using you.
Love and Respect has an amazing strategy that we noticed immediately. It has a biblical foundation, keeping Christ in the center of our daily lives, and the amazing message of the gospel and how to receive salvation...
Emerson and Sarah Eggerichs
Dr. Emerson Eggerichs is an internationally known public speaker on the topic of male-female relationships. Based on over three decades of pastoring, counseling and study of biblical and scientific research, Dr. Eggerichs and his wife Sarah developed the Love and Respect Conference which they present to live audiences around the country.About Love & Respect
Share what God is saying to your heart, not what you think He needs to say to your mate.
He will feel appreciated when you recognize his problem-solving approach as his male brand of empathy.
When parents genuinely trust and follow the Lord and His ways, their faith spills over onto the children.
When a wife insists that her husband earn her respect, she puts him in a lose-lose situation.
Whose voice are you listening to: Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?
When you’re truly Christ-centered, instead of child-centered, you will be a more effective parent in the long run.
We have to step back as Christ followers and ask, “Do I have false expectations that my relationship should be romantic 99% of the time?”
In your marriage be the first to “seek peace and pursue it” (1 Peter 3:11)
When confronting your spouse, attack the behavior, not the person.
Could you be facing a crisis in faith more than a crisis in your marriage?
We easily see what is done to us before we see what we are doing to our mate.
His love motivates her respect. Her respect motivates his love.
Do you believe that there is a God who really loves you and wants to help you?
The key to motivating another person is meeting their deepest need, especially during conflict.
Do you understand that God feels compassion for you, no matter what you have done or what your circumstances may be?
Negative actions rarely produce positive results.
When a wife feels unloved, it can be such a shock to her heart that she is oblivious to her disrespectful reactions toward her husband, though any man watching could see it plainly.
God designed the woman to love. He’s not going to command her to agape her husband when He created her to do that in the first place. God is not into redundancy.
You have to become proactive, rather than just trying to stop the reactive.
Responding to offensive words or actions with your own offensive words and actions is damaging and unproductive.
We have different vulnerabilities. We can pass judgment on one another all day long or we can say God made us different and that’s ok.
When a husband chooses to do or say something loving, and that includes saying, ‘I’m sorry for coming across in an unloving way,’ he energizes his wife. When a wife decides to express herself respectfully, and that includes apologizing for her disrespectful attitude, she energizes her husband.
We fool ourselves into thinking the other person causes us to be the way we are. They really don’t! But if we lock into that idea, we become helpless, hopeless victims.
A most significant point of this book is this: If what we think is true, kind, necessary, and clear, we need to have the courage to hit send. This isn’t about refraining from speaking; this is about speaking.
Just because you’re offended doesn’t mean the other person is offensive.
Let the Lord change you, but don’t try to change each other.
We might say that every negative action in the family has an equal and opposite negative reaction.
There is a discrepancy between who we want to be and see ourselves to be and how we actually sound in voice and writing. But with self-reflection and honesty, we can turn the corner and improve our communication. We need only evaluate what we are about to communicate.
Assume goodwill about the person you are in conflict with.
Don’t label each other as bad because you differ on how you solve your troubles.
Marriage is a tool and a test to allow God’s will to be revealed in our lives.
Words of Love and Respect must include thankfulness spoken to or about your spouse; don’t fixate on weaknesses and faults.
Accidental sparks (unwise remarks) ignite and fuel a fire, and vroom goes the Crazy Cycle.
Mutual understanding, not communication, is the key to a healthy marriage relationship.
If a husband is commanded to agape- love his wife, then she truly needs love.
You cannot use unholy means to achieve a worthy end.
Every marriage includes trouble some of the time. Do not let the 20% leaven all the rest.
The difference between successful couples and unsuccessful couples is that successful ones keep getting up and dealing with the issues.
God is not trying to trick you or mess with you. Trust that He wants to reveal Himself to you just as much as He wants to reveal Himself to the world.
Husbands, even Jesus Himself was asked by a woman, “Do you not care?” (Luke 10:40) When your wife accuses you of not caring, decode her deeper meaning.
To not forgive is to shoot yourself in the foot and put extra gas in the Crazy Cycle.
Words of Love or Respect must uplift your spouse, edifying- never manipulating him or her.
To build a lasting legacy, use proven wisdom that you glean from the Lord.
The Lord made women (Pink) and men (Blue) with differences, and He expects us to recognize and deal with those differences in a loving and respectful way.
Whether visiting a prison, feeding the hungry, giving the thirsty a drink or speaking a word of love or respect, everything is to be done to and for Christ.
Can you begin to trust that God feels love for you even when you don’t feel that love?
Unconditional love or respect is never wasted. Hang onto this promise: “Let us not lose heart in doing good, for in due time we will reap if we do not grow weary” (Galatians 6:9).
Your wife feels you are open with her when you discuss financial concerns, possible job changes or ideas for your future.
Often the apparent issue isn’t the real issue; the real issue is always a matter of love or respect.
Suppressing negative feelings is not loving, respectful or very wise. Speak up tactfully.
His love blesses regardless of her respect; her respect blesses regardless of his love.
If you want your wife to express appreciation for your attempts to be loving, you must use thankful words when she tries to speak or act respectfully.
Do you give yourself grace and your spouse judgment?
God’s commands are not burdensome, but are given to us to spare us from more pain. Why would God command you to do something that doesn’t work?
It is so easy to draw wrong conclusions about a spouse’s character and motives due to an occasional flare-up or silly comment.
Words of love from a husband are like good medicine that brings life to the marriage.
A parent needs to feel respected, especially during conflicts...A child need to feel loved, especially during disputes.
Getting married reveals, usually sooner than later, an incontestable fact: your spouse cannot possibly meet all your needs and desires
Focus on the positive in the midst of the negative, and the Energizing Cycle will keep right on humming.
Your spouse can have a need that you don’t have and that’s okay.
A wife has one driving need: to feel loved. When that need is met, she is happy. A husband has one driving need: to feel respected. When that need is met, he is happy. When either of these needs isn’t met, things get crazy with conflict.
Most marriages will succeed when obeying the command to Love and Respect.
[Women], as you enter quiet dignity, not preaching at your husband or scolding him as though you were his mother, something happens in his soul as a male.
Both Judas and Peter denied Jesus Christ, but there is a huge difference between a Judas and a Peter.
I have concluded that those of us in the church who believe we have the Truth are not using the whole truth. A crucial part of God’s Word has been completely ignored, or perhaps simply gone unnoticed, when it has been there right under our noses the whole time! Many Christian spouses know Ephesians 5:33 and can at least paraphrase it. The Apostle Paul tells husbands to love their wives as much as they love themselves, and wives are to respect their husbands. But is anyone really listening? Perhaps the first step to better communication between husband and wife is to hear what God’s Word clearly says. --Emerson
In the ultimate sense, your marriage has nothing to do with your spouse. It has everything to do with your relationship to Jesus Christ.
Words of wisdom for all husbands and wives are these: We easily see what is done to us before we see what we are doing to our mate.
As mature men, we need to take leadership and put this out on the table. We must acknowledge our feelings- we need to feel respected. However, as we do this we must acknowledge our wife’s feelings- she needs to feel loved!
Marriage is a test of how you unconditionally love and respect your spouse as you obey, honor, and please the Lord.
At the very bottom of things, in every case and in every conversation, you can do your marriage a huge favor by assuming she is seeking to feel loved or he is seeking to feel respected and give your spouse some grace!
We have discovered that as women motivate their man God’s way, men are energized to love them better. It doesn’t matter if your marriage is good or seems like there is no hope. We have seen God move in powerful ways even when things looked hopeless.
Often both spouses have goodwill but are not deciphering each other’s code. She criticizes out of love, but he “hears” only disrespect. He distances himself to prevent feelings from escalating, which is the honorable thing to do, but she “sees” only his failure to be loving!
Christian maturity involves a lot of things, but surely it includes knowing how to process your anger.
Although the Crazy Cycle is not what God intends for any marriage, all couples get on it at times from one degree to another.
When others do not respond to our communication, we need to look first at our communication style. Is the other person incapable of hearing what we have to say? Or are we abrupt, brusque, and curt?
You both forgive for one simple but profound reason: because you know Christ has forgiven you!
It’s crucial to communicate with the right tone of voice and the right expression on your face.
If a husband chooses to be a peacemaker--taking the needs and concerns of his wife totally into account during any kind of argument or conflict--his wife will be motivated in turn to respond to his authority during stalemates.
The parent-child relationship is as easy, and as difficult, as love and respect.
Parenting is a faith venture. As we parent “unto Christ” we reap God’s reward, “knowing that whatever good anyone does, he will receive the same from the Lord” (Eph. 6:8 NKJV)
Through Jesus and Peter, God set forth His standard for living in the unconditional dimension: choose to be loving even when the other person is not; do what is right regardless of the treatment you receive. I believe this standard applies directly to marriage. A husband who speaks lovingly to his disrespectful wife will be rewarded; and a wife who speaks respectfully to her unloving, not-worthy-of-respect husband will be rewarded. Whether you are husband or wife, the reward is what can keep you going in the midst of the craziness: knowing that God commends you, knowing that you have found his favor for your words and actions.
As strong and powerful as marriage bonds can become, our deepest dependency must be on the Lord, not another human being.
God’s commands are there to help us, not to hinder us or hold us back as male and female.
Your husband knows you value his friendship when you tell him you like him and you show it (he knows you love him, but he often wonders if you really like him).
When your wife comes to talk to you, listen to her. Realize she is coming to you because you matter more to her than anyone else. She has certain emotional needs and only you can meet them. Sometimes she may say things that don’t make sense to you and she is apt to misspeak and exaggerate when she is upset, but don’t put her down. Instead, listen to her heart. Give her a chance to express her concerns and, as she does so, don’t try to fix her. Don’t give her your solutions unless she asks for them.
Don’t pressure yourself with perfection. We are going to fail. A righteous man falls 7 times but gets back up.
There is a plan to parent God’s way, even when our children may seek to go their own way at time. The secret is to follow this plan regardless. When you do, I believe you succeed in His eyes.
Optimism or pessimism? It is always a choice, no matter what your natural temperament.
How we react to a situation reveals more about us than about the other person.
Do not live by the standards of Hollywood; trust what God says in His Holy Word.
Women give a report to build rapport. Men bond through shoulder-to-shoulder activities without talking.
When evil comes at you, you’re the one who makes the choice of whether or not it is going to go into you.
There is power and freedom that comes in understanding that no one can cause you to react in a certain way. It is your choice.
You can be right in the argument, but wrong in your approach.
Trust God when the “why’s” of life threaten to overwhelm you.
Thank the Lord for all the trouble-free moments in which you and your spouse enjoy Him, each other, your family, your ministry and life as a whole. Ask Him for the strength to accept your measure of trouble, and the wisdom to deal with the annoyances and irritations by loving and respecting each other with new commitment. (You may also want to pray about troubles at work, at church, with the children…) “But those who marry will have trouble in this life” (1 Corinthians 7:28)
Our trustworthiness rests on our truthfulness.
Each of you must focus on what God is calling you to do toward your spouse. Do not focus on what you think God is calling your spouse to do toward you.
Your wife will feel esteemed when you speak highly of her in front of others.
God rewards your obedience to love and respect, even if your spouse does not respond!