Love & Respect Conference and 10 Week Study Workbook
This is the comprehensive workbook to the new Love & Respect Conference DVDs and 10 Week study. This workbook can facilitate individual, couple or group study and includes a small LEADER’S GUIDE section. It can be used to just watch the live conference portion of the DVDs, using the fill-in-the-blank in session guide only, but the best option is to combine this with a more in-depth study using the discussion questions for each session, the application portion, the mid-week devotional time and more! The good news is you get both in this workbook.
Love & Respect Conference Sessions
- The Crazy Cycle: Part 1 (49:50)
- The Crazy Cycle: Part 2 (33:23)
- The Energizing Cycle (C.O.U.P.L.E.): Part 1 (41:51)
- The Energizing Cycle (C.O.U.P.L.E.): Part 2 (49:53)
- The Energizing Cycle (C.H.A.I.R.S.): Part 1 (49:31)
- The Energizing Cycle (C.H.A.I.R.S.): Part 2 (41:31)
- Sarah’s Practical Application: Part 1 (33:07)
- Sarah’s Practical Application: Part 2 (43:09)
- The Rewarded Cycle: Part 1 (36:21)
- The Rewarded Cycle: Part 2 (35:13)
The Love & Respect Conference Workbook
Unlock the secret to a thriving marriage
In Love & Respect, Dr. Emerson Eggerichs presents an alternative to the Crazy Cycle: the Energizing Cycle. This positive communication pattern starts with the wife showing respect to her husband, which makes him feel respected. In turn, the husband shows love to his wife, which makes her feel loved. This creates a positive feedback loop where both partners feel loved and respected.
To break the Crazy Cycle, Dr. Eggerichs suggests that couples need to recognize and address the underlying needs for love and respect in both partners. By showing love and respect to one another, couples can create a positive cycle of interaction and strengthen their relationship. You will learn practical tips and exercises to cultivate this positive cycle.
Through the Crazy Cycle, Love & Respect offers valuable insights into the ways that negative communication patterns can impact a marriage. By understanding and addressing these patterns, couples can build a stronger and more loving relationship.
In Love & Respect, Dr. Emerson Eggerichs presents an alternative to the Crazy Cycle: the Energizing Cycle. This positive communication pattern starts with the wife showing love to her husband, which makes him feel respected. In turn, the husband shows respect to his wife, which makes her feel loved. This creates a positive feedback loop where both partners feel loved and respected.
By consistently showing appreciation, affection, and empathy, couples can cultivate the Energizing Cycle and build a strong and healthy relationship. Love and respect are two essential needs for both partners in a marriage, and meeting these needs can lead to greater intimacy, connection, and satisfaction in the relationship.
The Energizing Cycle offers a practical and effective way for couples to break negative communication patterns and build a more positive and fulfilling relationship. By intentionally showing love and respect to one another, couples can strengthen their bond and experience greater happiness and fulfillment in their marriage.
In Love & Respect, Dr. Emerson Eggerichs introduces the concept of the Rewarded Cycle, where the husband demonstrates love regardless of her respect and the wife demonstrates respect regardless of his love.
But what if your husband doesn't show you love when you show him respect? What if your wife doesn't show you respect as you show her love? If you get no results from practicing Love & Respect, why bother?
The Rewarded Cycle gives you the answers to these questions. In a real sense, the Rewarded Cycle is the most important session in this course as we are called to love and respect are spouse unconditionally, unto the Lord.
The C.O.U.P.L.E. acronym stands for Closeness, Openness, Understanding, Peacemaking, Loyalty, and Esteem. This is how a husband shows love to his wife.
Each element of the C.O.U.P.L.E. acronym represents a key aspect of a healthy and fulfilling relationship. By working to develop these qualities in their marriage, couples can build a stronger and more loving relationship.
In these six areas you will learn how to spell "love" to your wife.
The C.H.A.I.R.S. acronym presented in this course gives you practical, biblical ways that will help you become more respectful women. Wives do not need a lot of coaching on being loving. It is something God built into them, and they do it naturally. However, they do need help with respect.
Providing more energy for your marriage is exactly what the C.H.A.I.R.S. acronym is all about. C.H.A.I.R.S stands for the six major values that your husband holds: Conquest, Hierarchy, Authority, Insight, Relationship, and Sexuality.
In these six area you will learn how to spell "respect" to your husband.
This is the comprehensive workbook to the new Love & Respect Conference DVDs and 10 Week study. This workbook can facilitate individual, couple or group study and includes a LEADER’S GUIDE section. It can be used to just watch the live conference portion of the DVDs, using the fill-in-the-blank in-session guide only, but the best option is to combine this with a more in-depth study using the discussion questions for each session, the application portion, the mid-week devotional time and more! The good news is you get both in this workbook.
More About the Conference DVDS and Study
Excited yet burdened about male and female relationships, Dr. Emerson Eggerichs and his wife Sarah launched the Love & Respect Conferences in 1999. Based on over three decades of counseling as well as scientific and biblical research, this conference has given hope and new life to thousands of marriages over the last 17 years and is now available in HD on DVD for the first time, with over 6 hours of dynamic teaching on five discs! It is a great resource for your personal or counseling library. Filmed in front of a live audience this presentation is perfect for individuals, couples and small groups.
Discover Why Over 3 Million Couples, Churches, and Small Groups Trust Love & Respect!
"Well a miracle happened! I read the Love and Respect book entirely last week...As we went thru the (Love and Respect) DVDs I could feel a gentle release of the pain that gripped our marriage for 22 years. Rather than a “light-bulb” moment, it’s been more of a dimmer switch getting brighter with the hope we’ll be OK now that we have some tools for an even better marriage. A softening has occurred…We are already teaching the kids some of the principles and have decided to re-watch the DVDs with the kids."
This concept had played a pivotal role in changing the tide in our marriage from divorce to reconciliation. We have since led the Love and Respect small group 8 times (around 100 couples)…We have an intense desire to help marriages, and we believe if two stubborn, selfish people like us could let God change our hearts, well anyone can!! Your ministry helped save our marriage!
"...something happened when you got up and started speaking. My husband woke up. When we left…he apologized for not being a good husband and wants to make things better. I apologized to him for my attitudes. Things are starting to turn around. Thank you and please keep us in your prayers."
"After 13 years I can finally say our marriage is truly like a dream. It is unbelievable how tender and fun and honest and caring and loving and joyful and playful and kind and intimate and generous and forgiving and sincere and giving and wonderful our marriage is. It is a MIRACLE. And only with God’s guidance in His Word and from your Love and Respect series has this been possible."
"BUT...As a wonderful, undeserved gift from the Father who so incredibly bestows good things on his children, God opened my husband's heart… he became a changed man. A man who loves me, adores me, apologizes to me quickly…and talks to me all the time. Praise God from whom all blessings flow. Thank you for being willing to share the message of love and respect across our nation. I am forever grateful."
"...About a year ago, after going to countless seminars, numerous marriage counselors, and who knows how many books, they discovered the Love & Respect series. To the rest of us it was just another stab in the dark and the seemingly obvious expectation of a divorce was still there. When my parents did a complete 180-degree turn around, it was very difficult not to be still in denial and hurt and expect it not to last too long. It was definitely something I would call, without any doubt, a miracle."
"We watched the videos of your conference...I cry as I write this, because it was almost immediately that our marriage began to be restored…(my husband) said he could not stand to be away from his family any longer and he asked the kids and I to be with him. What makes this a miracle was that we didn’t go back into the same broken marriage, but instead into one that was healed."
"Probably no way to ever thank you. Ever. I am telling everyone about the DVD series and trying to get our pastor to show it at church on Sunday mornings.”
"I went to church and prayed and prayed for reconciliation. My ex-husband... confessed about a year ago that he wanted to try again. My heart soared with emotion! Glory to God! Could this be true? I thought it was done and over, but God had other ideas. The “story of us” was far from over. The past few months have been heavenly, and I owe it all to Christ’s message and your delivery of that message..."
"God began to do miracles in each of our hearts, and we could each see how God had been changing our hearts in various ways while we were apart, and we had no idea we were both experiencing that. We both got a copy of the Love and Respect book and were reading it over the phone and talking through our past difficulties and differences..."
"The turnaround in our marriage is a miracle and is a profound event in my life…we have had hard discussions since I finished the (Love & Respect) book and since we attended the conference, but not one has turned into an argument. We have had disagreements, but not disconnection. Every hard discussion has resulted in a deeper level of intimacy in our marriage. I never thought this was possible. God is able to do immeasurably more than we ever ask or imagine."
" My friend basically stuck your DVD series in my face & said, “You've got to watch this!” My husband & I did. In fact, we still are for the 2nd time around. Just yesterday my husband said, "We are supposed to call couples so we can pray together." This is not the "norm" for my husband. To invite people into our home so we can talk & be transparent...Wow!"
"We attended the conference and want to let you know how blessed we were by the truth you spoke. God has used your message to transform us and our marriage. We are amazed at the miracle and work He is doing in us individually and in our marriage. Your message of love & respect gave us a great start, and God has been gracious to help us along in the journey."
"...I've stopped the divorce…we've spoken to our daughter and shared with her our change of heart and we say thank you. There is no doubt in my life that I'm watching a miracle in action and I say, bless you for your time and effort."
"...I began reading the book the day I bought it. I was shocked and blown away by the truth that was written page after page. I began to see my half in the mess and better yet, I began to see how to resolve our problems and reconcile our marriage...Truly this work and information is a miracle in my life…Everyone needs to know and hear the truth that has set me free! May the Lord richly bless you as you have blessed me!"
"Love and Respect was nothing short of a miracle in saving my marriage, and I would love the opportunity to make others aware of your Ministry and what it can do for a marriage. I hold a Master’s degree in Counseling, and I am a Christian…Thank you so much, and God Bless you both for saving my marriage."
"Your course just fit in perfectly and filled in the missing pieces…We are to respect our differences. Laughter and peace has come into our home again..."
"One of God's miracles in all of this is (we) made a commitment to go for counseling and the person that gave us the counseling used all his teaching based on Love and Respect. First we had to re-read your book, then we went through your 5 DVDs on Love and Respect…with obedience, faith, patience and with (the) Love and Respect teaching God worked His plans His way..."
"The changes in my marriage are so drastic that it can only be attributed to a miracle…my life will NEVER be the same. I will, with God's help, ALWAYS seek God and His ways. My marriage has changed and my children will be blessed because of it. This truly does make a difference for generations to come."
"My own experiences along with your advice have resulted in a miracle in my life. I enjoy my husband as I did when we were courting (more, even). Our sex life has improved 100% as I find respecting my husband a turn-on (believe it or not). Today, he gets more than enough respect (and sex) and I get all the love and protection that I could ever want. There is now great joy in my marriage thanks to your help."
I have now realized what that empty feeling in my stomach was. It was RESPECT for me and LOVE for her. Mind blown. It's not about right and wrong but mutual understanding. Wish I had watched this my spouse 6 months [ago] as we probably would not be separated if we saw the videos together.
My husband and I are married 18 years and are a blended family. We have done love and respect 4 times!!! We purchased the conference and used it for 3 bible studies in our home over the years and have seen many marriages transformed. Three were saved from the verge of divorce and are thriving wonderfully.
Please let me say that I have enjoyed your material for quite a while. Several years ago I purchased a DVD set of an earlier seminar that I and my wife have watched several times together. I still like to sit down with the DVD's and freshen up my understanding of the marriage relationship.
...We are looking forward to going through the Conference again and having this material at our fingertips for reference. "My Response is my Responsibility" has been tremendously helpful not only for our marriage but in so many other areas of our life.
...My wife and I saw the application of this material help us take our very good marriage to one of tremendous mutual blessing! We have now taught the first small group version as well as the subsequent two video small group versions to over 50 couples over the past decade, and without fail it has had a positive life changing impact on them...
We attended this weekend and I will say that it has renewed our commitment to each other. I will say that the live event was even better than what we expected. Thank you for your ministry and may the Lord continue using you.
Love and Respect has an amazing strategy that we noticed immediately. It has a biblical foundation, keeping Christ in the center of our daily lives, and the amazing message of the gospel and how to receive salvation...
Emerson and Sarah Eggerichs
Dr. Emerson Eggerichs is an internationally known public speaker on the topic of male-female relationships. Based on over three decades of pastoring, counseling and study of biblical and scientific research, Dr. Eggerichs and his wife Sarah developed the Love and Respect Conference which they present to live audiences around the country.About Love & Respect
Feeling unloved, a wife gets defensive and acts offensively without respect. Feeling disrespected, a husband gets defensive and acts offensively without love.
As mature men, we need to take leadership and put this out on the table. We must acknowledge our feelings- we need to feel respected. However, as we do this we must acknowledge our wife’s feelings- she needs to feel loved!
Mutual understanding, not communication, is the key to a healthy marriage relationship.
No matter how difficult your spouse may be at the moment, your spouse does not have control over your reaction; you do. You may be experiencing disappointment, frustration, or anger, but you always have a choice.
You’re the only person in the world who can meet your spouse’s deepest need for love and respect. After all, you alone are married to your spouse.
Self-interest should never come ahead of your spouse’s interests.
If husbands and wives are to understand the Love and Respect Connection, they must realize that they communicate in code. And the problem is, they don’t know how to decipher the messages they send to one another.
His love blesses regardless of her respect; her respect blesses regardless of his love.
Responding to offensive words or actions with your own offensive words and actions is damaging and unproductive.
When a husband feels disrespected, he has a natural tendency to react in ways that feel unloving to his wife. (Perhaps the command to love was given to him precisely for this reason!) When a wife feels unloved, she has a natural tendency to react in ways that feel disrespectful to her husband. (Perhaps the command to respect was given to her precisely for this reason!)
[Husbands] the most powerful weapons you have are your ears. Just listen to your wife, and she is much more likely to feel understood.
The key to motivating another person is meeting their deepest need, especially during conflict.
When we speak before we think, we widen the chances the other person(s) will be notably hurt, frustrated, confused, angry, fearful, or offended by something we’ve communicated.
Your words reveal your heart.
Words of Love and Respect must include thankfulness spoken to or about your spouse; don’t fixate on weaknesses and faults.
We get on the Crazy Cycle because without love a wife reacts without respect, and without respect a husband reacts without love.
Your spouse has a need only you can fill.
Money squabbles don’t undermine love and respect; they simply reveal unloving and disrespectful attitudes, which are the real reason why a marriage can start to wobble on the Crazy Cycle.
Assume goodwill about the person you are in conflict with.
God designed the woman to love. He’s not going to command her to agape her husband when He created her to do that in the first place. God is not into redundancy.
Don’t label each other as bad because you differ on how you solve your troubles.
Stay the course regardless of the child’s respect and obedience. This is the Family Rewarded Cycle: a parents love unto Christ regardless of the child.
Wives, you never know: The way you handle this [conflict] might bring your husband not only back to you, but to God. Husbands, you never know: The way you handle this [conflict] might bring your wife not only back to you, but to God. (1 Corinthians 7:16)
If a husband is commanded to agape- love his wife, then she truly needs love.
When you look to God and His Word as your ultimate source of significance and security, you don’t demand that your spouse take that role in your life. And as you draw strength from the Lord individually, He draws you closer together as a couple.
Fight like a loving man and a respectful woman. Fight fair.
Your spouse may meet many of your needs, but your deepest dependency should be on your Lord.
Always remember that Pink and Blue have different wiring, different preferences. Assume your spouse has goodwill toward you, no matter what. Both of you can be right, while being different.
When one of you makes a mistake, control any anger you may feel and trust God completely, no matter what happens.
Whether visiting a prison, feeding the hungry, giving the thirsty a drink or speaking a word of love or respect, everything is to be done to and for Christ.
“You can be right, but wrong at the top of your voice.”
With a better understanding of God’s promises, you will be on your way to a renewed mind and a changed life.
Your marriage is a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and reverence for Jesus Christ. God is using your spouse to bring you an eternal reward.
Your position in Christ is what counts, not your less-than-perfect performance.
Marital researchers agree that a huge percentage of communication problems between husband and wife are due not to what is said but to how it is said – the attitude and tone of voice.
Unconditional respect, like unconditional love, is all about how one sounds (tone of voice and word choice) and appears (facial expressions and physical actions).
When you relinquish an offense, you need to send that offense somewhere. So follow Jesus’ example and release it to your heavenly Father.
Our research shows that couples who pray together are more apt to reap all kinds of benefits, including better and more frequent communication, going on “dates” more frequently and having sex more frequently.
In the ultimate sense you marriage has nothing to do with your spouse. It has everything to do with your relationship with Jesus Christ.
[Women], as you enter quiet dignity, not preaching at your husband or scolding him as though you were his mother, something happens in his soul as a male.
Just because you’re offended doesn’t mean the other person is offensive.
Mutual submission is the only way to live fairly together with mutual authority.
You have two ears and one mouth; use them proportionately.
Do you believe that there is a God who really loves you and wants to help you?
Unconditional love or respect is never wasted. Hang onto this promise: “Let us not lose heart in doing good, for in due time we will reap if we do not grow weary” (Galatians 6:9).
Pink and Blue perceptions not only affect seeing, they affect hearing as well. Women hear with pink hearing aids and men hear with blue hearing aids. Even more important to understand as you and your spouse seek to gain better communication, you can hear the very same words, but each of you will hear different messages.
Both Judas and Peter denied Jesus Christ, but there is a huge difference between a Judas and a Peter.
There is power and freedom that comes in understanding that no one can cause you to react in a certain way. It is your choice.
Just because you may feel unloved or disrespected does not mean your spouse is sending that message.
Your wife will feel esteemed when you speak highly of her in front of others.
We must bring our identity in Christ to our parenting—we must not derive our identity from our children.
The more we are upset at something, the wiser it is to let twenty-four hours pass before responding.
To get offended is easy, but to forgive is within your power as you walk in His steps.
God’s commands are not burdensome, but are given to us to spare us from more pain. Why would God command you to do something that doesn’t work?
Mistakes can’t be undone, but they can be forgiven.
Research shows that 70% of the couples who were extremely unhappy in their marriage, but hung in there and worked through the tough time, identified themselves as being very happy five years later.
When a husband feels disrespected, it is especially hard to love his wife. When a wife feels unloved, it is especially hard to respect her husband.
In your marriage be the first to “seek peace and pursue it” (1 Peter 3:11)
There is a plan to parent God’s way, even when our children may seek to go their own way at time. The secret is to follow this plan regardless. When you do, I believe you succeed in His eyes.
When you’re truly Christ-centered, instead of child-centered, you will be a more effective parent in the long run.
As a wife, if you can start to understand how important your husband’s work is to him, you will take a giant step toward communicating respect and honor, two things that he values even more than your love.
[Husbands] do you realize the power of just holding your wife’s hand?
There is a discrepancy between who we want to be and see ourselves to be and how we actually sound in voice and writing. But with self-reflection and honesty, we can turn the corner and improve our communication. We need only evaluate what we are about to communicate.
Avoid like the plague trying to punish each other as a means of “motivation.” Christ-followers instinctively know that this destroys any opportunity to act out of reverence for Christ. In all marital issues, love and reverence for Christ must be our primary motivation.
If you want your husband to express appreciation for your attempts to be respectful, you must speak thankfully when he tries to be loving.
When there is confusion, I try to refrain from attacking another for not listening carefully (which may not be the case). Instead, I take a run at communicating again, but more clearly.
Assuming goodwill can be revolutionary in relationships.
Your wife feels you are open with her when you discuss financial concerns, possible job changes or ideas for your future.
You both forgive for one simple but profound reason: because you know Christ has forgiven you!
Thank God for His forgiveness of your mistakes. In trying to be a loving man or a respectful woman, we blow it. Owning up to mistakes is never easy, but it is always the way to move forward. Take good care not to accuse your spouse of mistakes as you pray. Also, pray about any forgiving to be done in the family, any forgiveness that needs to be asked. Children may need forgiveness (and what about Mom and Dad?). “There is no one on earth who does what is right all the time and never makes a mistake.” (Ecclesiastes 7:20)
I have concluded that those of us in the church who believe we have the Truth are not using the whole truth. A crucial part of God’s Word has been completely ignored, or perhaps simply gone unnoticed, when it has been there right under our noses the whole time! Many Christian spouses know Ephesians 5:33 and can at least paraphrase it. The Apostle Paul tells husbands to love their wives as much as they love themselves, and wives are to respect their husbands. But is anyone really listening? Perhaps the first step to better communication between husband and wife is to hear what God’s Word clearly says. --Emerson
Troubles over sex and money do not cause a marriage to go under. The lack of love and respect during conflict cause the marriage to go under.
When others do not respond to our communication, we need to look first at our communication style. Is the other person incapable of hearing what we have to say? Or are we abrupt, brusque, and curt?
Men are solution oriented, they love to solve problems. They want to be helpful.
The moment we cry to Him for help, He is already pleased. He gives us strength to love our children.
We have different vulnerabilities. We can pass judgment on one another all day long or we can say God made us different and that’s ok.
He will feel appreciated when you recognize his problem-solving approach as his male brand of empathy.
God is good and wants what is best for us.
“With eyes of faith, envision Jesus standing just beyond the shoulder of your spouse and listening to every word you speak in every conversation, pleasant or tense. When you speak lovingly or respectfully to your spouse, you are speaking to Christ. Your spouse just happens to be there too.” This truth has sanctified the lips of many. Instead of giving their spouse a verbal whipping or choking on the idea of saying anything positive, now some spouses are motivated to speak words of unconditional love or respect.
Negative actions rarely produce positive results.
It is hard to be negative while being thankful.
Your husband knows you value his friendship when you tell him you like him and you show it (he knows you love him, but he often wonders if you really like him).
Women give a report to build rapport. Men bond through shoulder-to-shoulder activities without talking.
The difference between successful couples and unsuccessful couples is that successful ones keep getting up and dealing with the issues.
We have discovered that as women motivate their man God’s way, men are energized to love them better. It doesn’t matter if your marriage is good or seems like there is no hope. We have seen God move in powerful ways even when things looked hopeless.
A woman needs love like she needs air to breathe. A man needs respect like he needs air to breathe.
She’s not wrong for not being male. He is not wrong for not being female. When you put pink and blue together, you get purple, the color of royalty; the color of God. Together, a husband and wife reflect God’s image.
Always see your mate as an ally. Feedback is of little use if you see your spouse as an enemy. Giving and receiving constructive feedback is based on feelings of goodwill in both partners. Both of you need to remember that, even if you don’t always agree and even if you become irritated or angry, you are friends, and neither of you means to hurt the other.
A man has a natural, inborn desire to go out and “conquer” the challenges of his world – to work and achieve.
You can experience hurt, but it is your choice to hate.
Your spouse can have a need that you don’t have and that’s okay.
When a husband chooses to do or say something loving, and that includes saying, ‘I’m sorry for coming across in an unloving way,’ he energizes his wife. When a wife decides to express herself respectfully, and that includes apologizing for her disrespectful attitude, she energizes her husband.
Refuse to let evil turn you into a contemptuous and hateful person.
God rewards your obedience to love and respect, even if your spouse does not respond!
As a husband, if you can grasp that you don’t always have to solve your wife’s problems, you will take a giant step toward showing her empathy and understanding.
Often the apparent issue isn’t the real issue; the real issue is always a matter of love or respect.
Knowing my spouse will not be able to love or respect me perfectly, I commit to having a forgiving spirit so that I may never speak hatefully or contemptuously.
Don’t pressure yourself with perfection. We are going to fail. A righteous man falls 7 times but gets back up.
When you play the blame game your marriage never wins.
Our trustworthiness rests on our truthfulness.