Love and Respect Wife + Logo Mug

We have different vulnerabilities. We can pass judgment on one another all day long or we can say God made us different and that’s ok.

We blame people for the bad things we do, but take credit for the good things we do.

When a wife insists that her husband earn her respect, she puts him in a lose-lose situation.

A major step toward a happy marriage is accepting differences and working them out with love and respect.

Could you be facing a crisis in faith more than a crisis in your marriage?

To stay the course in speaking words of Love and Respect, keep your heart in Scripture, trusting in and talking about His promises to help you.

As a husband, if you can grasp that you don’t always have to solve your wife’s problems, you will take a giant step toward showing her empathy and understanding.

Mistakes can’t be undone, but they can be forgiven.

Your wife feels you are open with her when you discuss financial concerns, possible job changes or ideas for your future.

When the wife flatly says her husband will have to earn her respect before she gives him any, she leaves the husband in a lose-lose situation. Now he is responsible for both love and respect in the relationship. He must unconditionally love his wife and earn her respect.

Suppressing negative feelings is not loving, respectful or very wise. Speak up tactfully.

Ladies, be careful. “A nagging wife goes on and on like the drip, drip, drip of the rain” (Proverbs 19:13).

Unconditional respect means we confront their wrongdoings respectfully. We do not become uncivil because they are. Who they fail to be does not determine who we will be.

Responding to offensive words or actions with your own offensive words and actions is damaging and unproductive.

A wife has one driving need: to feel loved. When that need is met, she is happy. A husband has one driving need: to feel respected. When that need is met, he is happy. When either of these needs isn’t met, things get crazy with conflict.

When you look to God and His Word as your ultimate source of significance and security, you don’t demand that your spouse take that role in your life. And as you draw strength from the Lord individually, He draws you closer together as a couple.

No matter how difficult your spouse may be at the moment, your spouse does not have control over your reaction; you do. You may be experiencing disappointment, frustration or anger, but you always have a choice. A wife can choose to be disrespectful or respectful. A husband can choose to be unloving or loving.

Getting married reveals, usually sooner than later, an incontestable fact: your spouse cannot possibly meet all your needs and desires

The Crazy Cycle is, indeed, “the evil of folly and the foolishness of madness” (Ecclesiastes 7:25).

We get on the Crazy Cycle because without love a wife reacts without respect, and without respect a husband reacts without love.

Every marriage includes trouble some of the time. Do not let the 20% leaven all the rest.

Life is too short to fuss and fret over trivial irritations.

If a husband chooses to be a peacemaker--taking the needs and concerns of his wife totally into account during any kind of argument or conflict--his wife will be motivated in turn to respond to his authority during stalemates.

Can you begin to trust that God feels love for you even when you don’t feel that love?

Do you give yourself grace and your spouse judgment?

Often both spouses have goodwill but are not deciphering each other’s code. She criticizes out of love, but he “hears” only disrespect. He distances himself to prevent feelings from escalating, which is the honorable thing to do, but she “sees” only his failure to be loving!

It’s hard to realize that we would never act around our business associates the way we act around our spouse.

We send each other messages in “code” based on gender, even though we don’t intend to. What I say is not what you hear, and what you think you heard is not what I meant at all.

Do you believe that there is a God who really loves you and wants to help you?

Don’t conclude that your spouse is wrong when he/she is seeking to do the right and righteous thing.

When one of you makes a mistake, control any anger you may feel and trust God completely, no matter what happens.

[Women], as you enter quiet dignity, not preaching at your husband or scolding him as though you were his mother, something happens in his soul as a male.

The key to motivating another person is meeting their deepest need, especially during conflict.

He will feel appreciated when you recognize his problem-solving approach as his male brand of empathy.

Just because you’re offended doesn’t mean the other person is offensive.

Christian maturity involves a lot of things, but surely it includes knowing how to process your anger.

The parent-child relationship is as easy, and as difficult, as love and respect.

You speak lovingly or respectfully no matter how your spouse may speak to you in return. Your spouse is not the reason--good or bad--why you speak unconditional words of love or respect. God is the reason, and as you depend on Him, you will become increasingly able to speak lovingly and respectfully to your spouse.

At the very bottom of things, in every case and in every conversation, you can do your marriage a huge favor by assuming she is seeking to feel loved or he is seeking to feel respected and give your spouse some grace!

She’ll feel at peace with you when you let her vent your frustrations and hurts and don’t get angry and close her off.

In the ultimate sense, your marriage has nothing to do with your spouse. It has everything to do with your relationship to Jesus Christ.

[Husbands] do you realize the power of just holding your wife’s hand?

Thank the Lord for the goodwill each of you has toward the other. Ask Him for strength to give each other the benefit of the doubt during moments when someone’s goodwill seems to be lacking. “He who seeks good finds goodwill, but evil comes to him who searches for it.” (Proverbs 11:27)

When confronting your spouse, attack the behavior, not the person.

A parent needs to feel respected, especially during conflicts...A child need to feel loved, especially during disputes.

Our research shows that couples who pray together are more apt to reap all kinds of benefits, including better and more frequent communication, going on “dates” more frequently and having sex more frequently.

Unconditional respect, like unconditional love, is all about how one sounds (tone of voice and word choice) and appears (facial expressions and physical actions).

It is so easy to draw wrong conclusions about a spouse’s character and motives due to an occasional flare-up or silly comment.

A husband may deserve contempt, but that doesn’t win him any more than harshness and anger wins the heart of a woman.

Avoid like the plague trying to punish each other as a means of “motivation.” Christ-followers instinctively know that this destroys any opportunity to act out of reverence for Christ. In all marital issues, love and reverence for Christ must be our primary motivation.

The mature one in the marriage seldom moves second.

To get offended is easy, but to forgive is within your power as you walk in His steps.

When parents genuinely trust and follow the Lord and His ways, their faith spills over onto the children.

[Women], your self-love cannot be derived from your husband’s love. It can affect it, but it does not determine it.

Research shows that 70% of the couples who were extremely unhappy in their marriage, but hung in there and worked through the tough time, identified themselves as being very happy five years later.

Always remember that Pink and Blue have different wiring, different preferences. Assume your spouse has goodwill toward you, no matter what. Both of you can be right, while being different.

Whose voice are you listening to: Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?

Your spouse deserves the truth from you. Do your best to tell it with love and respect.

Our trustworthiness rests on our truthfulness.

the heart of my communication means the other person cannot get my heart to be unkind, unloving, or disrespectful. Instead, I have made a decision about who I will be independent of the other person. I won’t blame my unkindness on someone else.

When you look to God and His Word as your ultimate source of significance and security, you don’t demand that your spouse take that role in your life. And as you draw strength from the Lord individually, He draws you closer together as a couple.

Optimism or pessimism? It is always a choice, no matter what your natural temperament.

Thank God for joining you together and for allowing you to trust Him to help you, whatever the issue. God is there for you and expects you to look to Him to keep you together as a team, so ask Him for His help in the smallest of concerns. “So they are no longer two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate.” (Matthew 19:6)

As strong and powerful as marriage bonds can become, our deepest dependency must be on the Lord, not another human being.

No one can really practice Love and Respect unless he or she does it as unto Jesus Christ.

In the ultimate sense you marriage has nothing to do with your spouse. It has everything to do with your relationship with Jesus Christ.

Your marriage is a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and reverence for Jesus Christ. God is using your spouse to bring you an eternal reward.

When sorting out how to slow down the Crazy Cycle, it helps to remember that men are commanded to love because they don’t love naturally, and on the other side, women are commanded to respect because they don’t respect naturally.

It’s crucial to communicate with the right tone of voice and the right expression on your face.

Accidental sparks (unwise remarks) ignite and fuel a fire, and vroom goes the Crazy Cycle.

Each of you must focus on what God is calling you to do toward your spouse. Do not focus on what you think God is calling your spouse to do toward you.

Your hunger for God can create an appetite in your children.

Always try to look at your spouse the way Jesus does.

Clearly, in the marriage, in the family and in the household, when you speak words of blessing, you are speaking to the Lord, and for this you will be rewarded.

You can experience hurt, but it is your choice to hate.

[Husbands] as the church places her burdens on Christ, so a woman needs to place her burdens on her husband. When she shares with you, don’t assume she is asking you to solve the problem. Ask your wife, “Do you want a solution or a listening ear?”

I often stress that one of the greatest rewards any persevering spouse can have is being a good example and influence on the children in the family.

When Jesus said “turn the other cheek,” He wasn’t saying to be passive wimps. He was teaching that physically people can control you but if you turn and give the other cheek, suddenly you’re in control and you’re making the choices.

We must bring our identity in Christ to our parenting—we must not derive our identity from our children.

Good intentions do not always produce good words or outcomes.

Feeling unloved, a wife gets defensive and acts offensively without respect. Feeling disrespected, a husband gets defensive and acts offensively without love.

Self-interest should never come ahead of your spouse’s interests.

Through Jesus and Peter, God set forth His standard for living in the unconditional dimension: choose to be loving even when the other person is not; do what is right regardless of the treatment you receive. I believe this standard applies directly to marriage. A husband who speaks lovingly to his disrespectful wife will be rewarded; and a wife who speaks respectfully to her unloving, not-worthy-of-respect husband will be rewarded. Whether you are husband or wife, the reward is what can keep you going in the midst of the craziness: knowing that God commends you, knowing that you have found his favor for your words and actions.

Your marriage is really a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and reverence for your Lord.

Your spouse has a need that you don’t have. Are you going to say there is something seriously wrong with them or will you say “Viva la Difference”?

If you want your husband to express appreciation for your attempts to be respectful, you must speak thankfully when he tries to be loving.

Your spouse has a need only you can fill.

When you relinquish an offense, you need to send that offense somewhere. So follow Jesus’ example and release it to your heavenly Father.

Parenting is a faith venture. As we parent “unto Christ” we reap God’s reward, “knowing that whatever good anyone does, he will receive the same from the Lord” (Eph. 6:8 NKJV)

It’s true that women have intuition and that men should listen to them. It’s also true that women have blind spots and need the insight of their husbands.

One thing to remember in this culture is if we say something complimentary towards one gender, we aren’t saying something against the other.

There is power and freedom that comes in understanding that no one can cause you to react in a certain way. It is your choice.

“Respect is a man’s deepest value. I have had numerous men tell me, ‘I would rather live with a wife who respected me but did not love me than live with a wife who loved me but did not respect me.’ These men are not saying that they are indifferent to love. They know they need love, but they need to feel respected even more than they need to feel loved.“

A strong woman of dignity puts on respect out of her love and reverence for Jesus Christ. She trusts that His word not only protects and empowers her, but also rewards her with incomprehensible eternal blessings.

Men are solution oriented, they love to solve problems. They want to be helpful.

Will we decide how we see God based on our circumstances, or will we see our circumstances in light of how we view God?

Marriage is a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and your reverence for Jesus Christ.

In your marriage be the first to “seek peace and pursue it” (1 Peter 3:11)

Marriage is a test of how you unconditionally love and respect your spouse as you obey, honor, and please the Lord.

Words of Love or Respect must uplift your spouse, edifying- never manipulating him or her.