Love and Respect Wife + Logo Mug

The Lord made women (Pink) and men (Blue) with differences, and He expects us to recognize and deal with those differences in a loving and respectful way.

The Crazy Cycle is, indeed, “the evil of folly and the foolishness of madness” (Ecclesiastes 7:25).

Clearly, in the marriage, in the family and in the household, when you speak words of blessing, you are speaking to the Lord, and for this you will be rewarded.

Refuse to let evil turn you into a contemptuous and hateful person.

You cannot use unholy means to achieve a worthy end.

Do not live by the standards of Hollywood; trust what God says in His Holy Word.

When we feel crippling discouragement by the sinful choices and outcomes of our kids, we must not let this permanently deter us from parenting God’s way.

It’s so easy to dismiss our spouse as childish because we don’t have the same vulnerabilities they do.

Thank the Lord for the goodwill each of you has toward the other. Ask Him for strength to give each other the benefit of the doubt during moments when someone’s goodwill seems to be lacking. “He who seeks good finds goodwill, but evil comes to him who searches for it.” (Proverbs 11:27)

God’s commands are there to help us, not to hinder us or hold us back as male and female.

God is not pink. God is not blue. God is purple. When two become one, they have the potential of displaying God’s attributes and character.

Your husband knows you value his friendship when you tell him you like him and you show it (he knows you love him, but he often wonders if you really like him).

Life is too short to fuss and fret over trivial irritations.

Assume goodwill about the person you are in conflict with.

Your spouse can affect you, but your spouse does not control you.

God is good and wants what is best for us.

The mature one in the marriage seldom moves second.

Marriage is a test of how you unconditionally love and respect your spouse as you obey, honor, and please the Lord.

Husbands primarily want to hear ‘respect” talk during conflict. Wives primarily want to hear “love” talk during conflict.

When you love or respect unconditionally regardless of the outcome, you are following God and His will for you.

Always try to look at your spouse the way Jesus does.

Do you give yourself grace and your spouse judgment?

Marriage is a tool and a test to allow God’s will to be revealed in our lives.

As you pray together, you will truly learn to love and respect together.

If you want your husband to express appreciation for your attempts to be respectful, you must speak thankfully when he tries to be loving.

Your words reveal your heart.

Good intentions do not always produce good words or outcomes.

When others do not respond to our communication, we need to look first at our communication style. Is the other person incapable of hearing what we have to say? Or are we abrupt, brusque, and curt?

We all need love and respect equally. But, during conflict our felt needs are as different as pink is from blue.

You can be right in the argument, but wrong in your approach.

Don’t label each other as bad because you differ on how you solve your troubles.

We might say that every negative action in the family has an equal and opposite negative reaction.

Truth will carry its own weight if delivered respectfully and lovingly.

When a husband feels disrespected, it is especially hard to love his wife. When a wife feels unloved, it is especially hard to respect her husband.

Love and Respect is a faith venture, not a formula.

“Respect is a man’s deepest value. I have had numerous men tell me, ‘I would rather live with a wife who respected me but did not love me than live with a wife who loved me but did not respect me.’ These men are not saying that they are indifferent to love. They know they need love, but they need to feel respected even more than they need to feel loved.“

Don’t pressure yourself with perfection. We are going to fail. A righteous man falls 7 times but gets back up.

Will we decide how we see God based on our circumstances, or will we see our circumstances in light of how we view God?

How we react to a situation reveals more about us than about the other person.

Your husband knows you appreciate his desire to protect and provide when you praise his commitment to provide for you. You empathize when he reveals his male mindset about position, status, or rank at work.

You must “ask God from the wealth of his glory to give you power through his Spirit to be strong in your inner selves.”

When the wife flatly says her husband will have to earn her respect before she gives him any, she leaves the husband in a lose-lose situation. Now he is responsible for both love and respect in the relationship. He must unconditionally love his wife and earn her respect.

Do you understand that God feels compassion for you, no matter what you have done or what your circumstances may be?

We have to step back as Christ followers and ask, “Do I have false expectations that my relationship should be romantic 99% of the time?”

Whose voice are you listening to: Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?

So I encourage every husband and wife to commit to the Jesus Way of Talking. Instead of allowing the stress of the situation to control you, you can say to yourself, “Because I love the Lord and I know that He rewards every good word, I am going to be truthful even if my spouse is not. I will also be uplifting, forgiving, thankful and scriptural in my speech because my ultimate goal is to please the Lord. Whatever my spouse’s weaknesses or bad habits might be, I will not let them cause me to sin with my lips.”

Research shows that 70% of the couples who were extremely unhappy in their marriage, but hung in there and worked through the tough time, identified themselves as being very happy five years later.

Respect for the husband is just as important as love for the wife.

God’s commands are not burdensome, but are given to us to spare us from more pain. Why would God command you to do something that doesn’t work?

A woman needs love like she needs air to breathe. A man needs respect like he needs air to breathe.

We easily see what is done to us before we see what we are doing to our mate.

You have to become proactive, rather than just trying to stop the reactive.

You have two ears and one mouth; use them proportionately.

[Husbands] do you realize the power of just holding your wife’s hand?

When your wife comes to talk to you, listen to her. Realize she is coming to you because you matter more to her than anyone else. She has certain emotional needs and only you can meet them. Sometimes she may say things that don’t make sense to you and she is apt to misspeak and exaggerate when she is upset, but don’t put her down. Instead, listen to her heart. Give her a chance to express her concerns and, as she does so, don’t try to fix her. Don’t give her your solutions unless she asks for them.

We get on the Crazy Cycle because without love a wife reacts without respect, and without respect a husband reacts without love.

Positive changes flood a relationship immediately when both husband and wife cancel the blame game!

No matter how difficult your spouse may be at the moment, your spouse does not have control over your reaction; you do. You may be experiencing disappointment, frustration or anger, but you always have a choice. A wife can choose to be disrespectful or respectful. A husband can choose to be unloving or loving.

His love motivates her respect. Her respect motivates his love.

The more we are upset at something, the wiser it is to let twenty-four hours pass before responding.

You’re the only person in the world who can meet your spouse’s deepest need for love and respect. After all, you alone are married to your spouse.

You can experience hurt, but it is your choice to hate.

Your hunger for God can create an appetite in your children.

We can all have moments of anger, but this does not mean we have to lose control and sin.

Since it is easy to focus on the negative, focus on your mate’s good qualities and express thanks with positive words of Love or Respect.

We have different vulnerabilities. We can pass judgment on one another all day long or we can say God made us different and that’s ok.

God designed the woman to love. He’s not going to command her to agape her husband when He created her to do that in the first place. God is not into redundancy.

Unconditional respect means we confront their wrongdoings respectfully. We do not become uncivil because they are. Who they fail to be does not determine who we will be.

As mature men, we need to take leadership and put this out on the table. We must acknowledge our feelings- we need to feel respected. However, as we do this we must acknowledge our wife’s feelings- she needs to feel loved!

It is so easy to draw wrong conclusions about a spouse’s character and motives due to an occasional flare-up or silly comment.

The Love and Respect message is not about a husband earning his wife’s respect by being more loving any more than it is about a wife earning her husband’s love by being more respectful. Always love or respect is given unconditionally according to God’s commands.

Words of wisdom for all husbands and wives are these: We easily see what is done to us before we see what we are doing to our mate.

When confronting your spouse, attack the behavior, not the person.

When a wife asks, “Do you love me?” She is not trying to put her husband on the spot. She is simply looking for reassurance.

When you look to God and His Word as your ultimate source of significance and security, you don’t demand that your spouse take that role in your life. And as you draw strength from the Lord individually, He draws you closer together as a couple.

When parents genuinely trust and follow the Lord and His ways, their faith spills over onto the children.

You speak lovingly or respectfully no matter how your spouse may speak to you in return. Your spouse is not the reason--good or bad--why you speak unconditional words of love or respect. God is the reason, and as you depend on Him, you will become increasingly able to speak lovingly and respectfully to your spouse.

It’s true that women have intuition and that men should listen to them. It’s also true that women have blind spots and need the insight of their husbands.

God rewards your obedience to love and respect, even if your spouse does not respond!

Words of love from a husband are like good medicine that brings life to the marriage.

It is hard to be negative while being thankful.

Don’t conclude that your spouse is wrong when he/she is seeking to do the right and righteous thing.

We all need to wrestle with the spiritual truth that God is good. If you don’t believe God is good, you won’t trust His word. If you don’t trust His word, you will find excuses to ignore His commands.

When evil comes at you, you’re the one who makes the choice of whether or not it is going to go into you.

[Husbands] as the church places her burdens on Christ, so a woman needs to place her burdens on her husband. When she shares with you, don’t assume she is asking you to solve the problem. Ask your wife, “Do you want a solution or a listening ear?”

When Jesus said “turn the other cheek,” He wasn’t saying to be passive wimps. He was teaching that physically people can control you but if you turn and give the other cheek, suddenly you’re in control and you’re making the choices.

We send each other messages in “code” based on gender, even though we don’t intend to. What I say is not what you hear, and what you think you heard is not what I meant at all.

Unconditional love or respect is never wasted. Hang onto this promise: “Let us not lose heart in doing good, for in due time we will reap if we do not grow weary” (Galatians 6:9).

Mutual submission is the only way to live fairly together with mutual authority.

As strong and powerful as marriage bonds can become, our deepest dependency must be on the Lord, not another human being.

Above all trust God when the “whys” of life threaten to overwhelm you.

The heart of my communication means the other person cannot get my heart to be unkind, unloving, or disrespectful. Instead, I have made a decision about who I will be independent of the other person. I won’t blame my unkindness on someone else.

With a better understanding of God’s promises, you will be on your way to a renewed mind and a changed life.

It’s crucial to communicate with the right tone of voice and the right expression on your face.

Let the Lord change you, but don’t try to change each other.

Stay the course regardless of the child’s respect and obedience. This is the Family Rewarded Cycle: a parents love unto Christ regardless of the child.

To not forgive is to shoot yourself in the foot and put extra gas in the Crazy Cycle.

We must bring our identity in Christ to our parenting—we must not derive our identity from our children.

Pink and Blue perceptions not only affect seeing, they affect hearing as well. Women hear with pink hearing aids and men hear with blue hearing aids. Even more important to understand as you and your spouse seek to gain better communication, you can hear the very same words, but each of you will hear different messages.

[Husbands] the most powerful weapons you have are your ears. Just listen to your wife, and she is much more likely to feel understood.