Love and Respect Wife + Logo Mug

A strong woman of dignity puts on respect out of her love and reverence for Jesus Christ. She trusts that His word not only protects and empowers her, but also rewards her with incomprehensible eternal blessings.

Each of you must focus on what God is calling you to do toward your spouse. Do not focus on what you think God is calling your spouse to do toward you.

“Respect is a man’s deepest value. I have had numerous men tell me, ‘I would rather live with a wife who respected me but did not love me than live with a wife who loved me but did not respect me.’ These men are not saying that they are indifferent to love. They know they need love, but they need to feel respected even more than they need to feel loved.“

Your spouse can affect you, but your spouse does not control you.

Just because you may feel unloved or disrespected does not mean your spouse is sending that message.

Your spouse has a need only you can fill.

No matter how difficult your spouse may be at the moment, your spouse does not have control over your reaction; you do. You may be experiencing disappointment, frustration, or anger, but you always have a choice.

Thank God for His forgiveness of your mistakes. In trying to be a loving man or a respectful woman, we blow it. Owning up to mistakes is never easy, but it is always the way to move forward. Take good care not to accuse your spouse of mistakes as you pray. Also, pray about any forgiving to be done in the family, any forgiveness that needs to be asked. Children may need forgiveness (and what about Mom and Dad?). “There is no one on earth who does what is right all the time and never makes a mistake.” (Ecclesiastes 7:20)

When you possess a forgiving spirit, words of Love and Respect will flow authentically from your lips- and realize that the Lord Himself is listening to you at moments like these. He knows you are not powerless, but actually full of power that He has granted you.

Most marriages will succeed when obeying the command to Love and Respect.

As mature men, we need to take leadership and put this out on the table. We must acknowledge our feelings- we need to feel respected. However, as we do this we must acknowledge our wife’s feelings- she needs to feel loved!

Share what God is saying to your heart, not what you think He needs to say to your mate.

Troubles over sex and money do not cause a marriage to go under. The lack of love and respect during conflict cause the marriage to go under.

When a husband chooses to come across lovingly even though he feels disrespected, he can prevent the Crazy Cycle from spinning and possibly getting out of control.

Good intentions do not always produce good words or outcomes.

We have to step back as Christ followers and ask, “Do I have false expectations that my relationship should be romantic 99% of the time?”

Whose voice are you listening to: Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?

Mutual understanding, not communication, is the key to a healthy marriage relationship.

You may believe that the careless, unloving or disrespectful words you speak are because your spouse is causing you to speak this way, but Jesus says that it is coming out of your heart.

Thank the Lord for all the trouble-free moments in which you and your spouse enjoy Him, each other, your family, your ministry and life as a whole. Ask Him for the strength to accept your measure of trouble, and the wisdom to deal with the annoyances and irritations by loving and respecting each other with new commitment. (You may also want to pray about troubles at work, at church, with the children…) “But those who marry will have trouble in this life” (1 Corinthians 7:28)

When a husband feels disrespected, it is especially hard to love his wife. When a wife feels unloved, it is especially hard to respect her husband.

Though the end can be worthy (to be loved and respected), when each uses unholy means (unloving and disrespectful words and actions), it will not achieve those ends. We must treat others as we expect them to treat us. To deny this makes us arrogant or fools, or both.

Avoid like the plague trying to punish each other as a means of “motivation.” Christ-followers instinctively know that this destroys any opportunity to act out of reverence for Christ. In all marital issues, love and reverence for Christ must be our primary motivation.

We all need to wrestle with the spiritual truth that God is good. If you don’t believe God is good, you won’t trust His word. If you don’t trust His word, you will find excuses to ignore His commands.

There is a plan to parent God’s way, even when our children may seek to go their own way at time. The secret is to follow this plan regardless. When you do, I believe you succeed in His eyes.

Pink and Blue perceptions not only affect seeing, they affect hearing as well. Women hear with pink hearing aids and men hear with blue hearing aids. Even more important to understand as you and your spouse seek to gain better communication, you can hear the very same words, but each of you will hear different messages.

Let the Lord change you, but don’t try to change each other.

Refuse to let evil turn you into a contemptuous and hateful person.

Don’t conclude that your spouse is wrong when he/she is seeking to do the right and righteous thing.

You can be right but wrong at the top of your voice.

Husbands primarily want to hear ‘respect” talk during conflict. Wives primarily want to hear “love” talk during conflict.

Words of Love and Respect must include thankfulness spoken to or about your spouse; don’t fixate on weaknesses and faults.

Fight like a loving man and a respectful woman. Fight fair.

The woman absolutely needs love, and the man absolutely needs respect. It’s as simple- and as difficult- as that.

When there is confusion, I try to refrain from attacking another for not listening carefully (which may not be the case). Instead, I take a run at communicating again, but more clearly.

As a husband, if you can grasp that you don’t always have to solve your wife’s problems, you will take a giant step toward showing her empathy and understanding.

One thing to remember in this culture is if we say something complimentary towards one gender, we aren’t saying something against the other.

Could you be facing a crisis in faith more than a crisis in your marriage?

When a wife insists that her husband earn her respect, she puts him in a lose-lose situation.

A woman needs love like she needs air to breathe. A man needs respect like he needs air to breathe.

A husband may deserve contempt, but that doesn’t win him any more than harshness and anger wins the heart of a woman.

There is power and freedom that comes in understanding that no one can cause you to react in a certain way. It is your choice.

Above all trust God when the “whys” of life threaten to overwhelm you.

Be quick to listen and understand and you have a much better chance of being understood.

Stay the course regardless of the child’s respect and obedience. This is the Family Rewarded Cycle: a parents love unto Christ regardless of the child.

Your wife will feel esteemed when you speak highly of her in front of others.

When a wife asks, “Do you love me?” She is not trying to put her husband on the spot. She is simply looking for reassurance.

Husbands, even Jesus Himself was asked by a woman, “Do you not care?” (Luke 10:40) When your wife accuses you of not caring, decode her deeper meaning.

If you want your husband to express appreciation for your attempts to be respectful, you must speak thankfully when he tries to be loving.

You must “ask God from the wealth of his glory to give you power through his Spirit to be strong in your inner selves.”

In the ultimate sense, your marriage has nothing to do with your spouse. It has everything to do with your relationship to Jesus Christ.

His love motivates her respect. Her respect motivates his love.

So I encourage every husband and wife to commit to the Jesus Way of Talking. Instead of allowing the stress of the situation to control you, you can say to yourself, “Because I love the Lord and I know that He rewards every good word, I am going to be truthful even if my spouse is not. I will also be uplifting, forgiving, thankful and scriptural in my speech because my ultimate goal is to please the Lord. Whatever my spouse’s weaknesses or bad habits might be, I will not let them cause me to sin with my lips.”

We can all have moments of anger, but this does not mean we have to lose control and sin.

Assuming goodwill can be revolutionary in relationships.

Your spouse can have a need that you don’t have and that’s okay.

Always see your mate as an ally. Feedback is of little use if you see your spouse as an enemy. Giving and receiving constructive feedback is based on feelings of goodwill in both partners. Both of you need to remember that, even if you don’t always agree and even if you become irritated or angry, you are friends, and neither of you means to hurt the other.

When you come home after you have been apart, the first few moments of reconnecting will set the tone for the rest of the evening.

When one of you makes a mistake, control any anger you may feel and trust God completely, no matter what happens.

Ladies, be careful. “A nagging wife goes on and on like the drip, drip, drip of the rain” (Proverbs 19:13).

Accidental sparks (unwise remarks) ignite and fuel a fire, and vroom goes the Crazy Cycle.

We blame people for the bad things we do, but take credit for the good things we do.

When you look to God and His Word as your ultimate source of significance and security, you don’t demand that your spouse take that role in your life. And as you draw strength from the Lord individually, He draws you closer together as a couple.

“Living happily ever after” means knowing how to deal with the imperfect parts of life.

A wife has one driving need--to feel loved. When that need is met she is happy. A husband has one driving need--to feel respected. When that need is met he is happy. When either of these needs isn’t met, things get crazy. Love and Respect reveals why spouses react negatively to each other, and how they can deal with such conflict quickly, easily and biblically.

His love blesses regardless of her respect; her respect blesses regardless of his love.

The key to motivating another person is meeting their deepest need, especially during conflict.

Research and experience prove that men and women see and hear differently. Recognizing these differences and adjusting to them is absolutely necessary for reaching mutual understanding and better communication.

You can be right in the argument, but wrong in your approach.

We have different vulnerabilities. We can pass judgment on one another all day long or we can say God made us different and that’s ok.

With a better understanding of God’s promises, you will be on your way to a renewed mind and a changed life.

The difference between successful couples and unsuccessful couples is that successful ones keep getting up and dealing with the issues.

Your position in Christ is what counts, not your less-than-perfect performance.

We all need love and respect equally. But, during conflict our felt needs are as different as pink is from blue.

God rewards your obedience to love and respect, even if your spouse does not respond!

You speak lovingly or respectfully no matter how your spouse may speak to you in return. Your spouse is not the reason--good or bad--why you speak unconditional words of love or respect. God is the reason, and as you depend on Him, you will become increasingly able to speak lovingly and respectfully to your spouse.

[Husbands] as the church places her burdens on Christ, so a woman needs to place her burdens on her husband. When she shares with you, don’t assume she is asking you to solve the problem. Ask your wife, “Do you want a solution or a listening ear?”

We are either going to give in the darkness or we are going to give into the darkness.

God’s commands are not burdensome, but are given to us to spare us from more pain. Why would God command you to do something that doesn’t work?

Be friendly. Be friendly. Be friendly. Watch what happens.

It is hard to be negative while being thankful.

We can communicate the truth in the best of manners, but the person may be so insecure he or she can only react and attack like a wounded bear.

A most significant point of this book is this: If what we think is true, kind, necessary, and clear, we need to have the courage to hit send. This isn’t about refraining from speaking; this is about speaking.

Don’t pressure yourself with perfection. We are going to fail. A righteous man falls 7 times but gets back up.

Your hunger for God can create an appetite in your children.

We have discovered that as women motivate their man God’s way, men are energized to love them better. It doesn’t matter if your marriage is good or seems like there is no hope. We have seen God move in powerful ways even when things looked hopeless.

You must distinguish between “I can’t” and “I won’t.”

When a husband chooses to do or say something loving, and that includes saying, ‘I’m sorry for coming across in an unloving way,’ he energizes his wife. When a wife decides to express herself respectfully, and that includes apologizing for her disrespectful attitude, she energizes her husband.

Unconditional respect means we confront their wrongdoings respectfully. We do not become uncivil because they are. Who they fail to be does not determine who we will be.

To get offended is easy, but to forgive is within your power as you walk in His steps.

Recognize your different gifts--how each of you (Pink and Blue) functions according to God’s perfect design.

I had often asked God to compensate for my mistakes, but in return had I thought He would give me perfect children?

Never give up. If you want to have a strong marriage, you need to accept temporary setbacks as part of the game.

The Lord made women (Pink) and men (Blue) with differences, and He expects us to recognize and deal with those differences in a loving and respectful way.

If a husband is commanded to agape- love his wife, then she truly needs love.

Husbands, to energize your wife give her face-to-face time, allowing her to talk and share her feelings.

How we react to a situation reveals more about us than about the other person.

Can you begin to trust that God feels love for you even when you don’t feel that love?

Positive changes flood a relationship immediately when both husband and wife cancel the blame game!

When Jesus said “turn the other cheek,” He wasn’t saying to be passive wimps. He was teaching that physically people can control you but if you turn and give the other cheek, suddenly you’re in control and you’re making the choices.