Love and Respect Wife + Logo Mug

Often both spouses have goodwill but are not deciphering each other’s code. She criticizes out of love, but he “hears” only disrespect. He distances himself to prevent feelings from escalating, which is the honorable thing to do, but she “sees” only his failure to be loving!

Your spouse may meet many of your needs, but your deepest dependency should be on your Lord.

Your spouse has a need that you don’t have. Are you going to say there is something seriously wrong with them or will you say “Viva la Difference”?

We all need to wrestle with the spiritual truth that God is good. If you don’t believe God is good, you won’t trust His word. If you don’t trust His word, you will find excuses to ignore His commands.

There is power and freedom that comes in understanding that no one can cause you to react in a certain way. It is your choice.

The moment we cry to Him for help, He is already pleased. He gives us strength to love our children.

Be a part of the solution, not part of the problem.

If we subscribe to the belief that because we are equal we are the same, then we’re going to expect our spouse to respond the way we do.

It’s crucial to communicate with the right tone of voice and the right expression on your face.

Be friendly. Be friendly. Be friendly. Watch what happens.

Do you bow to the influence of Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?

If husbands and wives are to understand the Love and Respect Connection, they must realize that they communicate in code. And the problem is, they don’t know how to decipher the messages they send to one another.

Your wife will feel esteemed when you speak highly of her in front of others.

A man has a natural, inborn desire to go out and “conquer” the challenges of his world – to work and achieve.

God rewards your obedience to love and respect, even if your spouse does not respond!

Don’t pressure yourself with perfection. We are going to fail. A righteous man falls 7 times but gets back up.

You may believe that the careless, unloving or disrespectful words you speak are because your spouse is causing you to speak this way, but Jesus says that it is coming out of your heart.

To build a lasting legacy, use proven wisdom that you glean from the Lord.

Your position in Christ is what counts, not your less-than-perfect performance.

With a better understanding of God’s promises, you will be on your way to a renewed mind and a changed life.

Marriage is a test of how you unconditionally love and respect your spouse as you obey, honor, and please the Lord.

Words of Love or Respect must uplift your spouse, edifying- never manipulating him or her.

If a husband chooses to be a peacemaker--taking the needs and concerns of his wife totally into account during any kind of argument or conflict--his wife will be motivated in turn to respond to his authority during stalemates.

We can communicate the truth in the best of manners, but the person may be so insecure he or she can only react and attack like a wounded bear.

When a wife feels unloved, it can be such a shock to her heart that she is oblivious to her disrespectful reactions toward her husband, though any man watching could see it plainly.

We are worth Jesus to the Father.

So I encourage every husband and wife to commit to the Jesus Way of Talking. Instead of allowing the stress of the situation to control you, you can say to yourself, “Because I love the Lord and I know that He rewards every good word, I am going to be truthful even if my spouse is not. I will also be uplifting, forgiving, thankful and scriptural in my speech because my ultimate goal is to please the Lord. Whatever my spouse’s weaknesses or bad habits might be, I will not let them cause me to sin with my lips.”

Unconditional respect means we confront their wrongdoings respectfully. We do not become uncivil because they are. Who they fail to be does not determine who we will be.

No matter how difficult your spouse may be at the moment, your spouse does not have control over your reaction; you do. You may be experiencing disappointment, frustration, or anger, but you always have a choice.

We have to step back as Christ followers and ask, “Do I have false expectations that my relationship should be romantic 99% of the time?”

Don’t label each other as bad because you differ on how you solve your troubles.

“You can be right, but wrong at the top of your voice.”

Although the Crazy Cycle is not what God intends for any marriage, all couples get on it at times from one degree to another.

When evil comes at you, you’re the one who makes the choice of whether or not it is going to go into you.

He will feel appreciated when you recognize his problem-solving approach as his male brand of empathy.

We have different vulnerabilities. We can pass judgment on one another all day long or we can say God made us different and that’s ok.

Parenting is a faith venture. As we parent “unto Christ” we reap God’s reward, “knowing that whatever good anyone does, he will receive the same from the Lord” (Eph. 6:8 NKJV)

Here is the secret to marriage that every couple seeks and yet few find: Unconditional respect is as powerful for him as unconditional love is for her. It’s the secret that will help you achieve a brand new level of intimacy.

Being a person who communicates what is true frequently demands tact, and at times it can feel like sidestepping land mines. It takes work to be both truthful and tactful.

You cannot use unholy means to achieve a worthy end.

When there is confusion, I try to refrain from attacking another for not listening carefully (which may not be the case). Instead, I take a run at communicating again, but more clearly.

Mutual submission is the only way to live fairly together with mutual authority.

Our trustworthiness rests on our truthfulness.

The mature one in the marriage seldom moves second.

We fool ourselves into thinking the other person causes us to be the way we are. They really don’t! But if we lock into that idea, we become helpless, hopeless victims.

We all need love and respect equally. But, during conflict our felt needs are as different as pink is from blue.

Responding to offensive words or actions with your own offensive words and actions is damaging and unproductive.

Men are solution oriented, they love to solve problems. They want to be helpful.

If a husband loves his wife as he should, she will feel honored and respected. If a wife respects her husband as she should, he will feel loved and appreciated. It’s a win-win.

Thank the Lord that in the very beginning He created them male and female – Blue and Pink. Ask Him for patience and ever-growing understanding of how men and women see and hear differently. “He created them male and female, and He blessed them.” (Genesis 5:2)

You can be right but wrong at the top of your voice.

The parent-child relationship is as easy, and as difficult, as love and respect.

Mutual understanding, not communication, is the key to a healthy marriage relationship.

Never give up. If you want to have a strong marriage, you need to accept temporary setbacks as part of the game.

Our research shows that couples who pray together are more apt to reap all kinds of benefits, including better and more frequent communication, going on “dates” more frequently and having sex more frequently.

It’s hard to realize that we would never act around our business associates the way we act around our spouse.

Whether visiting a prison, feeding the hungry, giving the thirsty a drink or speaking a word of love or respect, everything is to be done to and for Christ.

Knowing my spouse will not be able to love or respect me perfectly, I commit to having a forgiving spirit so that I may never speak hatefully or contemptuously.

No matter what your struggle- criticism, constant conflict, sex, money, parenting, harsh words- learning to communicate the Love and Respect way can help you make crucial changes and build the kind of relationship that God blesses.

Women give a report to build rapport. Men bond through shoulder-to-shoulder activities without talking.

The more we are upset at something, the wiser it is to let twenty-four hours pass before responding.

When Jesus said “turn the other cheek,” He wasn’t saying to be passive wimps. He was teaching that physically people can control you but if you turn and give the other cheek, suddenly you’re in control and you’re making the choices.

Do you understand that God feels compassion for you, no matter what you have done or what your circumstances may be?

Trust God when the “why’s” of life threaten to overwhelm you.

Can you begin to trust that God feels love for you even when you don’t feel that love?

Truth will carry its own weight if delivered respectfully and lovingly.

Marriage is a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and your reverence for Jesus Christ.

As you pray together, you will truly learn to love and respect together.

When sorting out how to slow down the Crazy Cycle, it helps to remember that men are commanded to love because they don’t love naturally, and on the other side, women are commanded to respect because they don’t respect naturally.

No one can really practice Love and Respect unless he or she does it as unto Jesus Christ.

God is good and wants what is best for us.

You both forgive for one simple but profound reason: because you know Christ has forgiven you!

Just because you’re offended doesn’t mean the other person is offensive.

If you want your husband to express appreciation for your attempts to be respectful, you must speak thankfully when he tries to be loving.

In your marriage be the first to “seek peace and pursue it” (1 Peter 3:11)

Troubles over sex and money do not cause a marriage to go under. The lack of love and respect during conflict cause the marriage to go under.

You have two ears and one mouth; use them proportionately.

His love motivates her respect. Her respect motivates his love.

When you come home after you have been apart, the first few moments of reconnecting will set the tone for the rest of the evening.

Always see your mate as an ally. Feedback is of little use if you see your spouse as an enemy. Giving and receiving constructive feedback is based on feelings of goodwill in both partners. Both of you need to remember that, even if you don’t always agree and even if you become irritated or angry, you are friends, and neither of you means to hurt the other.

There is a discrepancy between who we want to be and see ourselves to be and how we actually sound in voice and writing. But with self-reflection and honesty, we can turn the corner and improve our communication. We need only evaluate what we are about to communicate.

Every marriage includes trouble some of the time. Do not let the 20% leaven all the rest.

Life is too short to fuss and fret over trivial irritations.

Before hitting send, ask yourself, "Have I listened carefully and understand the exact issue on the table?"

God’s commands are not burdensome, but are given to us to spare us from more pain. Why would God command you to do something that doesn’t work?

Love and Respect is a faith venture, not a formula.

Above all trust God when the “whys” of life threaten to overwhelm you.

The key to motivating another person is meeting their deepest need, especially during conflict.

Since it is easy to focus on the negative, focus on your mate’s good qualities and express thanks with positive words of Love or Respect.

You can experience hurt, but it is your choice to hate.

Your spouse can affect you, but your spouse does not control you.

A most significant point of this book is this: If what we think is true, kind, necessary, and clear, we need to have the courage to hit send. This isn’t about refraining from speaking; this is about speaking.

Through Jesus and Peter, God set forth His standard for living in the unconditional dimension: choose to be loving even when the other person is not; do what is right regardless of the treatment you receive. I believe this standard applies directly to marriage. A husband who speaks lovingly to his disrespectful wife will be rewarded; and a wife who speaks respectfully to her unloving, not-worthy-of-respect husband will be rewarded. Whether you are husband or wife, the reward is what can keep you going in the midst of the craziness: knowing that God commends you, knowing that you have found his favor for your words and actions.

Stay the course regardless of the child’s respect and obedience. This is the Family Rewarded Cycle: a parents love unto Christ regardless of the child.

Getting married reveals, usually sooner than later, an incontestable fact: your spouse cannot possibly meet all your needs and desires

Trusting and obeying God’s Word because we love and reverence God never, ever makes us a hypocrite! When the alarm goes off in the morning, we get up, even when we don’t feel like it getting up. Because we do what we don’t feel like doing, does that make us hypocrites? No, it’s a sign we are responsible people. Showing respectful behavior when we don’t “feel respectful” is evidence of maturity.

A wife has one driving need: to feel loved. When that need is met, she is happy. A husband has one driving need: to feel respected. When that need is met, he is happy. When either of these needs isn’t met, things get crazy with conflict.

Your spouse has a need only you can fill.

To stay the course in speaking words of Love and Respect, keep your heart in Scripture, trusting in and talking about His promises to help you.

We might say that every negative action in the family has an equal and opposite negative reaction.