Love and Respect Wife + Logo Mug

Unconditional respect, like unconditional love, is all about how one sounds (tone of voice and word choice) and appears (facial expressions and physical actions).

Marriage is a test of how you unconditionally love and respect your spouse as you obey, honor, and please the Lord.

[Women], your self-love cannot be derived from your husband’s love. It can affect it, but it does not determine it.

Thank the Lord that in the very beginning He created them male and female – Blue and Pink. Ask Him for patience and ever-growing understanding of how men and women see and hear differently. “He created them male and female, and He blessed them.” (Genesis 5:2)

The parent-child relationship is as easy, and as difficult, as love and respect.

We send each other messages in “code” based on gender, even though we don’t intend to. What I say is not what you hear, and what you think you heard is not what I meant at all.

The more we are upset at something, the wiser it is to let twenty-four hours pass before responding.

Often both spouses have goodwill but are not deciphering each other’s code. She criticizes out of love, but he “hears” only disrespect. He distances himself to prevent feelings from escalating, which is the honorable thing to do, but she “sees” only his failure to be loving!

Mutual submission is the only way to live fairly together with mutual authority.

Do you give yourself grace and your spouse judgment?

Fight like a loving man and a respectful woman. Fight fair.

The key to motivating another person is meeting their deepest need, especially during conflict.

Your husband knows you value his friendship when you tell him you like him and you show it (he knows you love him, but he often wonders if you really like him).

Holding back your love or respect will just keep the Crazy Cycle spinning away, but being mature and making the first move could slow it down.

No matter how difficult your spouse may be at the moment, your spouse does not have control over your reaction; you do. You may be experiencing disappointment, frustration or anger, but you always have a choice. A wife can choose to be disrespectful or respectful. A husband can choose to be unloving or loving.

We have discovered that as women motivate their man God’s way, men are energized to love them better. It doesn’t matter if your marriage is good or seems like there is no hope. We have seen God move in powerful ways even when things looked hopeless.

Assuming goodwill can be revolutionary in relationships.

We are worth Jesus to the Father.

I often stress that one of the greatest rewards any persevering spouse can have is being a good example and influence on the children in the family.

Both Judas and Peter denied Jesus Christ, but there is a huge difference between a Judas and a Peter.

No matter how difficult your spouse may be at the moment, your spouse does not have control over your reaction; you do. You may be experiencing disappointment, frustration, or anger, but you always have a choice.

A strong woman of dignity puts on respect out of her love and reverence for Jesus Christ. She trusts that His word not only protects and empowers her, but also rewards her with incomprehensible eternal blessings.

Each of you must focus on what God is calling you to do toward your spouse. Do not focus on what you think God is calling your spouse to do toward you.

I have concluded that those of us in the church who believe we have the Truth are not using the whole truth. A crucial part of God’s Word has been completely ignored, or perhaps simply gone unnoticed, when it has been there right under our noses the whole time! Many Christian spouses know Ephesians 5:33 and can at least paraphrase it. The Apostle Paul tells husbands to love their wives as much as they love themselves, and wives are to respect their husbands. But is anyone really listening? Perhaps the first step to better communication between husband and wife is to hear what God’s Word clearly says. --Emerson

Will we decide how we see God based on our circumstances, or will we see our circumstances in light of how we view God?

We are either going to give in the darkness or we are going to give into the darkness.

A wife has one driving need: to feel loved. When that need is met, she is happy. A husband has one driving need: to feel respected. When that need is met, he is happy. When either of these needs isn’t met, things get crazy with conflict.

When Jesus said “turn the other cheek,” He wasn’t saying to be passive wimps. He was teaching that physically people can control you but if you turn and give the other cheek, suddenly you’re in control and you’re making the choices.

Don’t label each other as bad because you differ on how you solve your troubles.

There is power and freedom that comes in understanding that no one can cause you to react in a certain way. It is your choice.

Although the Crazy Cycle is not what God intends for any marriage, all couples get on it at times from one degree to another.

Your hunger for God can create an appetite in your children.

Marital researchers agree that a huge percentage of communication problems between husband and wife are due not to what is said but to how it is said – the attitude and tone of voice.

You both forgive for one simple but profound reason: because you know Christ has forgiven you!

Being a person who communicates what is true frequently demands tact, and at times it can feel like sidestepping land mines. It takes work to be both truthful and tactful.

Focus on the positive in the midst of the negative, and the Energizing Cycle will keep right on humming.

When one of you makes a mistake, control any anger you may feel and trust God completely, no matter what happens.

You’re the only person in the world who can meet your spouse’s deepest need for love and respect. After all, you alone are married to your spouse.

Unconditional love or respect is never wasted. Hang onto this promise: “Let us not lose heart in doing good, for in due time we will reap if we do not grow weary” (Galatians 6:9).

Your wife will feel esteemed when you speak highly of her in front of others.

If a husband loves his wife as he should, she will feel honored and respected. If a wife respects her husband as she should, he will feel loved and appreciated. It’s a win-win.

Pink and Blue perceptions not only affect seeing, they affect hearing as well. Women hear with pink hearing aids and men hear with blue hearing aids. Even more important to understand as you and your spouse seek to gain better communication, you can hear the very same words, but each of you will hear different messages.

Responding to offensive words or actions with your own offensive words and actions is damaging and unproductive.

Thank God for His forgiveness of your mistakes. In trying to be a loving man or a respectful woman, we blow it. Owning up to mistakes is never easy, but it is always the way to move forward. Take good care not to accuse your spouse of mistakes as you pray. Also, pray about any forgiving to be done in the family, any forgiveness that needs to be asked. Children may need forgiveness (and what about Mom and Dad?). “There is no one on earth who does what is right all the time and never makes a mistake.” (Ecclesiastes 7:20)

When a wife asks, “Do you love me?” She is not trying to put her husband on the spot. She is simply looking for reassurance.

When the wife flatly says her husband will have to earn her respect before she gives him any, she leaves the husband in a lose-lose situation. Now he is responsible for both love and respect in the relationship. He must unconditionally love his wife and earn her respect.

The moment we cry to Him for help, He is already pleased. He gives us strength to love our children.

If a husband is commanded to agape- love his wife, then she truly needs love.

Trust God when the “why’s” of life threaten to overwhelm you.

Be quick to listen and understand and you have a much better chance of being understood.

A marriage relationship will be energized when couples learn how to motivate each other God’s way.

As strong and powerful as marriage bonds can become, our deepest dependency must be on the Lord, not another human being.

“Living happily ever after” means knowing how to deal with the imperfect parts of life.

The mature one in the marriage seldom moves second.

Men are solution oriented, they love to solve problems. They want to be helpful.

Do you believe that there is a God who really loves you and wants to help you?

At the very bottom of things, in every case and in every conversation, you can do your marriage a huge favor by assuming she is seeking to feel loved or he is seeking to feel respected and give your spouse some grace!

The heart of my communication means the other person cannot get my heart to be unkind, unloving, or disrespectful. Instead, I have made a decision about who I will be independent of the other person. I won’t blame my unkindness on someone else.

Never give up. If you want to have a strong marriage, you need to accept temporary setbacks as part of the game.

God’s commands are not burdensome, but are given to us to spare us from more pain. Why would God command you to do something that doesn’t work?

As mature men, we need to take leadership and put this out on the table. We must acknowledge our feelings- we need to feel respected. However, as we do this we must acknowledge our wife’s feelings- she needs to feel loved!

It is crucial for a husband and wife to see that neither one is wrong, but both of them are very different--in body function, outlook and perspective.

Marriage is a tool and a test to allow God’s will to be revealed in our lives.

If husbands and wives are to understand the Love and Respect Connection, they must realize that they communicate in code. And the problem is, they don’t know how to decipher the messages they send to one another.

Self-interest should never come ahead of your spouse’s interests.

Mistakes can’t be undone, but they can be forgiven.

Words of Love and Respect must include thankfulness spoken to or about your spouse; don’t fixate on weaknesses and faults.

No one can really practice Love and Respect unless he or she does it as unto Jesus Christ.

When others do not respond to our communication, we need to look first at our communication style. Is the other person incapable of hearing what we have to say? Or are we abrupt, brusque, and curt?

Our trustworthiness rests on our truthfulness.

You must “ask God from the wealth of his glory to give you power through his Spirit to be strong in your inner selves.”

Share what God is saying to your heart, not what you think He needs to say to your mate.

A wife has one driving need--to feel loved. When that need is met she is happy. A husband has one driving need--to feel respected. When that need is met he is happy. When either of these needs isn’t met, things get crazy. Love and Respect reveals why spouses react negatively to each other, and how they can deal with such conflict quickly, easily and biblically.

Respect for the husband is just as important as love for the wife.

His love blesses regardless of her respect; her respect blesses regardless of his love.

Do you understand that God feels compassion for you, no matter what you have done or what your circumstances may be?

When a wife insists that her husband earn her respect, she puts him in a lose-lose situation.

To stay the course in speaking words of Love and Respect, keep your heart in Scripture, trusting in and talking about His promises to help you.

Before hitting send, ask yourself, "Have I listened carefully and understand the exact issue on the table?"

Husbands, even Jesus Himself was asked by a woman, “Do you not care?” (Luke 10:40) When your wife accuses you of not caring, decode her deeper meaning.

Assume goodwill about the person you are in conflict with.

Don’t conclude that your spouse is wrong when he/she is seeking to do the right and righteous thing.

If a husband chooses to be a peacemaker--taking the needs and concerns of his wife totally into account during any kind of argument or conflict--his wife will be motivated in turn to respond to his authority during stalemates.

God rewards your obedience to love and respect, even if your spouse does not respond!

When your wife comes to talk to you, listen to her. Realize she is coming to you because you matter more to her than anyone else. She has certain emotional needs and only you can meet them. Sometimes she may say things that don’t make sense to you and she is apt to misspeak and exaggerate when she is upset, but don’t put her down. Instead, listen to her heart. Give her a chance to express her concerns and, as she does so, don’t try to fix her. Don’t give her your solutions unless she asks for them.

Thank God for joining you together and for allowing you to trust Him to help you, whatever the issue. God is there for you and expects you to look to Him to keep you together as a team, so ask Him for His help in the smallest of concerns. “So they are no longer two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate.” (Matthew 19:6)

Your spouse has a need only you can fill.

How we react to a situation reveals more about us than about the other person.

Knowing my spouse will not be able to love or respect me perfectly, I commit to having a forgiving spirit so that I may never speak hatefully or contemptuously.

We blame people for the bad things we do, but take credit for the good things we do.

Research shows that 70% of the couples who were extremely unhappy in their marriage, but hung in there and worked through the tough time, identified themselves as being very happy five years later.

To get offended is easy, but to forgive is within your power as you walk in His steps.

When a husband chooses to come across lovingly even though he feels disrespected, he can prevent the Crazy Cycle from spinning and possibly getting out of control.

You can be right but wrong at the top of your voice.

It’s hard to realize that we would never act around our business associates the way we act around our spouse.

As you pray together, you will truly learn to love and respect together.

There is a discrepancy between who we want to be and see ourselves to be and how we actually sound in voice and writing. But with self-reflection and honesty, we can turn the corner and improve our communication. We need only evaluate what we are about to communicate.

Truth will carry its own weight if delivered respectfully and lovingly.

As a husband, if you can grasp that you don’t always have to solve your wife’s problems, you will take a giant step toward showing her empathy and understanding.

The Crazy Cycle is, indeed “the evil of folly and the foolishness of madness” (Ecclesiastes 7:25)