The Language of Love & Respect

When a wife feels unloved, it can be such a shock to her heart that she is oblivious to her disrespectful reactions toward her husband, though any man watching could see it plainly.

We might say that every negative action in the family has an equal and opposite negative reaction.

Your words reveal your heart.

As you pray together, you will truly learn to love and respect together.

Marriage is a tool and a test to allow God’s will to be revealed in our lives.

Whether visiting a prison, feeding the hungry, giving the thirsty a drink or speaking a word of love or respect, everything is to be done to and for Christ.

You cannot use unholy means to achieve a worthy end.

His love blesses regardless of her respect; her respect blesses regardless of his love.

We can all have moments of anger, but this does not mean we have to lose control and sin.

Knowing my spouse will not be able to love or respect me perfectly, I commit to having a forgiving spirit so that I may never speak hatefully or contemptuously.

When evil comes at you, you’re the one who makes the choice of whether or not it is going to go into you.

To stay the course in speaking words of Love and Respect, keep your heart in Scripture, trusting in and talking about His promises to help you.

You must distinguish between “I can’t” and “I won’t.”

How we react to a situation reveals more about us than about the other person.

He will feel appreciated when you disagree with him only in private and honor his authority in front of the kids.

When sorting out how to slow down the Crazy Cycle, it helps to remember that men are commanded to love because they don’t love naturally, and on the other side, women are commanded to respect because they don’t respect naturally.

He will feel appreciated when you recognize his problem-solving approach as his male brand of empathy.

[Women], as you enter quiet dignity, not preaching at your husband or scolding him as though you were his mother, something happens in his soul as a male.

Research and experience prove that men and women see and hear differently. Recognizing these differences and adjusting to them is absolutely necessary for reaching mutual understanding and better communication.

Could you be facing a crisis in faith more than a crisis in your marriage?

Accentuate the positive and eliminate the negative with lots of love and respect in between.

Words of Love and Respect must include thankfulness spoken to or about your spouse; don’t fixate on weaknesses and faults.

Women give a report to build rapport. Men bond through shoulder-to-shoulder activities without talking.

It is so easy to draw wrong conclusions about a spouse’s character and motives due to an occasional flare-up or silly comment.

The heart of my communication means the other person cannot get my heart to be unkind, unloving, or disrespectful. Instead, I have made a decision about who I will be independent of the other person. I won’t blame my unkindness on someone else.

Money squabbles don’t undermine love and respect; they simply reveal unloving and disrespectful attitudes, which are the real reason why a marriage can start to wobble on the Crazy Cycle.

Always remember that Pink and Blue have different wiring, different preferences. Assume your spouse has goodwill toward you, no matter what. Both of you can be right, while being different.

If we subscribe to the belief that because we are equal we are the same, then we’re going to expect our spouse to respond the way we do.

When the wife flatly says her husband will have to earn her respect before she gives him any, she leaves the husband in a lose-lose situation. Now he is responsible for both love and respect in the relationship. He must unconditionally love his wife and earn her respect.

Truth will carry its own weight if delivered respectfully and lovingly.

Do you give yourself grace and your spouse judgment?

When a wife insists that her husband earn her respect, she puts him in a lose-lose situation.

Wives, to energize your husband do an activity with him, shoulder-to-shoulder, without talking.

“With eyes of faith, envision Jesus standing just beyond the shoulder of your spouse and listening to every word you speak in every conversation, pleasant or tense. When you speak lovingly or respectfully to your spouse, you are speaking to Christ. Your spouse just happens to be there too.” This truth has sanctified the lips of many. Instead of giving their spouse a verbal whipping or choking on the idea of saying anything positive, now some spouses are motivated to speak words of unconditional love or respect.

Be friendly. Be friendly. Be friendly. Watch what happens.

Unconditional respect means we confront their wrongdoings respectfully. We do not become uncivil because they are. Who they fail to be does not determine who we will be.

Be a part of the solution, not part of the problem.

When a husband feels disrespected, he has a natural tendency to react in ways that feel unloving to his wife. (Perhaps the command to love was given to him precisely for this reason!) When a wife feels unloved, she has a natural tendency to react in ways that feel disrespectful to her husband. (Perhaps the command to respect was given to her precisely for this reason!)

If you want your husband to express appreciation for your attempts to be respectful, you must speak thankfully when he tries to be loving.

To get offended is easy, but to forgive is within your power as you walk in His steps.

Recognize your different gifts--how each of you (Pink and Blue) functions according to God’s perfect design.

You must “ask God from the wealth of his glory to give you power through his Spirit to be strong in your inner selves.”

Positive changes flood a relationship immediately when both husband and wife cancel the blame game!

If you are seeking positive change in your marriage, you will need to make a positive change in your attitude and actions.

“Respect is a man’s deepest value. I have had numerous men tell me, ‘I would rather live with a wife who respected me but did not love me than live with a wife who loved me but did not respect me.’ These men are not saying that they are indifferent to love. They know they need love, but they need to feel respected even more than they need to feel loved.“

Trusting and obeying God’s Word because we love and reverence God never, ever makes us a hypocrite! When the alarm goes off in the morning, we get up, even when we don’t feel like it getting up. Because we do what we don’t feel like doing, does that make us hypocrites? No, it’s a sign we are responsible people. Showing respectful behavior when we don’t “feel respectful” is evidence of maturity.

The woman absolutely needs love, and the man absolutely needs respect. It’s as simple- and as difficult- as that.

We fool ourselves into thinking the other person causes us to be the way we are. They really don’t! But if we lock into that idea, we become helpless, hopeless victims.

Christian maturity involves a lot of things, but surely it includes knowing how to process your anger.

There is a discrepancy between who we want to be and see ourselves to be and how we actually sound in voice and writing. But with self-reflection and honesty, we can turn the corner and improve our communication. We need only evaluate what we are about to communicate.

If husbands and wives are to understand the Love and Respect Connection, they must realize that they communicate in code. And the problem is, they don’t know how to decipher the messages they send to one another.

Your spouse deserves the truth from you. Do your best to tell it with love and respect.

Your wife feels you are open with her when you discuss financial concerns, possible job changes or ideas for your future.

Men are solution oriented, they love to solve problems. They want to be helpful.

Often the apparent issue isn’t the real issue; the real issue is always a matter of love or respect.

We must bring our identity in Christ to our parenting—we must not derive our identity from our children.

Share what God is saying to your heart, not what you think He needs to say to your mate.

Thank the Lord that in the very beginning He created them male and female – Blue and Pink. Ask Him for patience and ever-growing understanding of how men and women see and hear differently. “He created them male and female, and He blessed them.” (Genesis 5:2)

It is hard to be negative while being thankful.

In the ultimate sense you marriage has nothing to do with your spouse. It has everything to do with your relationship with Jesus Christ.

Assuming goodwill can be revolutionary in relationships.

We get on the Crazy Cycle because without love a wife reacts without respect, and without respect a husband reacts without love.

Your marriage is a test of your devotion to Christ.

Our research shows that couples who pray together are more apt to reap all kinds of benefits, including better and more frequent communication, going on “dates” more frequently and having sex more frequently.

When one of you makes a mistake, control any anger you may feel and trust God completely, no matter what happens.

If you want your wife to express appreciation for your attempts to be loving, you must use thankful words when she tries to speak or act respectfully.

When you love or respect unconditionally regardless of the outcome, you are following God and His will for you.

Your marriage is a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and reverence for Jesus Christ. God is using your spouse to bring you an eternal reward.

The Lord made women (Pink) and men (Blue) with differences, and He expects us to recognize and deal with those differences in a loving and respectful way.

A marriage relationship will be energized when couples learn how to motivate each other God’s way.

Your wife will feel esteemed when you speak highly of her in front of others.

Just because you’re offended doesn’t mean the other person is offensive.

Let the Lord change you, but don’t try to change each other.

As a wife, if you can start to understand how important your husband’s work is to him, you will take a giant step toward communicating respect and honor, two things that he values even more than your love.

We have to step back as Christ followers and ask, “Do I have false expectations that my relationship should be romantic 99% of the time?”

Do you bow to the influence of Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?

When you’re truly Christ-centered, instead of child-centered, you will be a more effective parent in the long run.

We all need to wrestle with the spiritual truth that God is good. If you don’t believe God is good, you won’t trust His word. If you don’t trust His word, you will find excuses to ignore His commands.

The Love and Respect message is not about a husband earning his wife’s respect by being more loving any more than it is about a wife earning her husband’s love by being more respectful. Always love or respect is given unconditionally according to God’s commands.

When confronting your spouse, attack the behavior, not the person.

Responding to offensive words or actions with your own offensive words and actions is damaging and unproductive.

When there is confusion, I try to refrain from attacking another for not listening carefully (which may not be the case). Instead, I take a run at communicating again, but more clearly.

God’s commands are there to help us, not to hinder us or hold us back as male and female.

When you come home after you have been apart, the first few moments of reconnecting will set the tone for the rest of the evening.

It is crucial for a husband and wife to see that neither one is wrong, but both of them are very different--in body function, outlook and perspective.

Your spouse may meet many of your needs, but your deepest dependency should be on your Lord.

If a husband is commanded to agape- love his wife, then she truly needs love.

Mutual understanding, not communication, is the key to a healthy marriage relationship.

Your spouse can have a need that you don’t have and that’s okay.

Trust God when the “why’s” of life threaten to overwhelm you.

Don’t conclude that your spouse is wrong when he/she is seeking to do the right and righteous thing.

Just because you may feel unloved or disrespected does not mean your spouse is sending that message.

Each of you must focus on what God is calling you to do toward your spouse. Do not focus on what you think God is calling your spouse to do toward you.

Husbands primarily want to hear ‘respect” talk during conflict. Wives primarily want to hear “love” talk during conflict.

A strong woman of dignity puts on respect out of her love and reverence for Jesus Christ. She trusts that His word not only protects and empowers her, but also rewards her with incomprehensible eternal blessings.

When a wife asks, “Do you love me?” She is not trying to put her husband on the spot. She is simply looking for reassurance.

Assume goodwill about the person you are in conflict with.

When you look to God and His Word as your ultimate source of significance and security, you don’t demand that your spouse take that role in your life. And as you draw strength from the Lord individually, He draws you closer together as a couple.

Through Jesus and Peter, God set forth His standard for living in the unconditional dimension: choose to be loving even when the other person is not; do what is right regardless of the treatment you receive. I believe this standard applies directly to marriage. A husband who speaks lovingly to his disrespectful wife will be rewarded; and a wife who speaks respectfully to her unloving, not-worthy-of-respect husband will be rewarded. Whether you are husband or wife, the reward is what can keep you going in the midst of the craziness: knowing that God commends you, knowing that you have found his favor for your words and actions.

A major step toward a happy marriage is accepting differences and working them out with love and respect.