The Language of Love & Respect

There is a discrepancy between who we want to be and see ourselves to be and how we actually sound in voice and writing. But with self-reflection and honesty, we can turn the corner and improve our communication. We need only evaluate what we are about to communicate.

Before hitting send, ask yourself, "Have I listened carefully and understand the exact issue on the table?"

Thank God for joining you together and for allowing you to trust Him to help you, whatever the issue. God is there for you and expects you to look to Him to keep you together as a team, so ask Him for His help in the smallest of concerns. “So they are no longer two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate.” (Matthew 19:6)

We all need love and respect equally. But, during conflict our felt needs are as different as pink is from blue.

Marriage is a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and your reverence for Jesus Christ.

When a husband chooses to come across lovingly even though he feels disrespected, he can prevent the Crazy Cycle from spinning and possibly getting out of control.

Suppressing negative feelings is not loving, respectful or very wise. Speak up tactfully.

Thank the Lord for the goodwill each of you has toward the other. Ask Him for strength to give each other the benefit of the doubt during moments when someone’s goodwill seems to be lacking. “He who seeks good finds goodwill, but evil comes to him who searches for it.” (Proverbs 11:27)

Your marriage is a test of your devotion to Christ.

Just because you may feel unloved or disrespected does not mean your spouse is sending that message.

Parenting is a faith venture. As we parent “unto Christ” we reap God’s reward, “knowing that whatever good anyone does, he will receive the same from the Lord” (Eph. 6:8 NKJV)

We blame people for the bad things we do, but take credit for the good things we do.

Truth will carry its own weight if delivered respectfully and lovingly.

Can you begin to trust that God feels love for you even when you don’t feel that love?

Don’t label each other as bad because you differ on how you solve your troubles.

When you relinquish an offense, you need to send that offense somewhere. So follow Jesus’ example and release it to your heavenly Father.

Your position in Christ is what counts, not your less-than-perfect performance.

No one can really practice Love and Respect unless he or she does it as unto Jesus Christ.

With a better understanding of God’s promises, you will be on your way to a renewed mind and a changed life.

When parents genuinely trust and follow the Lord and His ways, their faith spills over onto the children.

Love and Respect is a faith venture, not a formula.

When we speak before we think, we widen the chances the other person(s) will be notably hurt, frustrated, confused, angry, fearful, or offended by something we’ve communicated.

Whose voice are you listening to: Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?

There is power and freedom that comes in understanding that no one can cause you to react in a certain way. It is your choice.

Do you believe that there is a God who really loves you and wants to help you?

Always remember that Pink and Blue have different wiring, different preferences. Assume your spouse has goodwill toward you, no matter what. Both of you can be right, while being different.

[Husbands] as the church places her burdens on Christ, so a woman needs to place her burdens on her husband. When she shares with you, don’t assume she is asking you to solve the problem. Ask your wife, “Do you want a solution or a listening ear?”

Negative actions rarely produce positive results.

Positive changes flood a relationship immediately when both husband and wife cancel the blame game!

He will feel appreciated when you disagree with him only in private and honor his authority in front of the kids.

Ladies, be careful. “A nagging wife goes on and on like the drip, drip, drip of the rain” (Proverbs 19:13).

Thank God for His forgiveness of your mistakes. In trying to be a loving man or a respectful woman, we blow it. Owning up to mistakes is never easy, but it is always the way to move forward. Take good care not to accuse your spouse of mistakes as you pray. Also, pray about any forgiving to be done in the family, any forgiveness that needs to be asked. Children may need forgiveness (and what about Mom and Dad?). “There is no one on earth who does what is right all the time and never makes a mistake.” (Ecclesiastes 7:20)

Your spouse can affect you, but your spouse does not control you.

Thank the Lord for all the trouble-free moments in which you and your spouse enjoy Him, each other, your family, your ministry and life as a whole. Ask Him for the strength to accept your measure of trouble, and the wisdom to deal with the annoyances and irritations by loving and respecting each other with new commitment. (You may also want to pray about troubles at work, at church, with the children…) “But those who marry will have trouble in this life” (1 Corinthians 7:28)

Do not live by the standards of Hollywood; trust what God says in His Holy Word.

Be friendly. Be friendly. Be friendly. Watch what happens.

A man has a natural, inborn desire to go out and “conquer” the challenges of his world – to work and achieve.

It is crucial for a husband and wife to see that neither one is wrong, but both of them are very different--in body function, outlook and perspective.

Men are solution oriented, they love to solve problems. They want to be helpful.

Do you seek to understand or only to be understood?

When a wife insists that her husband earn her respect, she puts him in a lose-lose situation.

God’s commands are there to help us, not to hinder us or hold us back as male and female.

Often the apparent issue isn’t the real issue; the real issue is always a matter of love or respect.

Trust God when the “why’s” of life threaten to overwhelm you.

Your husband knows you value his friendship when you tell him you like him and you show it (he knows you love him, but he often wonders if you really like him).

We are either going to give in the darkness or we are going to give into the darkness.

Christian maturity involves a lot of things, but surely it includes knowing how to process your anger.

We are worth Jesus to the Father.

Let the Lord change you, but don’t try to change each other.

God is not trying to trick you or mess with you. Trust that He wants to reveal Himself to you just as much as He wants to reveal Himself to the world.

Clarifying is what you do before you step on your mate’s air hose and deflate his or her spirit. For example, you are having a typical conversation, but you can tell there is a misunderstanding. One of you isn’t being clear or isn’t hearing correctly. Then and there you clarify the misunderstanding before your spouse’s spirit deflates. You lovingly or respectfully clarify matters so that your spouse will not feel unloved or disrespected. The reason you take pains to clarify a seemingly small matter is to prevent the situation from becoming a love and respect issue that needs decoding. Clarifying is what you do to stay off the Crazy Cycle and keep positive, energetic feelings flowing between the two of you, to keep yourselves on the Energizing Cycle.

Your spouse has a need that you don’t have. Are you going to say there is something seriously wrong with them or will you say “Viva la Difference”?

When you possess a forgiving spirit, words of Love and Respect will flow authentically from your lips- and realize that the Lord Himself is listening to you at moments like these. He knows you are not powerless, but actually full of power that He has granted you.

If husbands and wives are to understand the Love and Respect Connection, they must realize that they communicate in code. And the problem is, they don’t know how to decipher the messages they send to one another.

Focus on the positive in the midst of the negative, and the Energizing Cycle will keep right on humming.

No matter how difficult your spouse may be at the moment, your spouse does not have control over your reaction; you do. You may be experiencing disappointment, frustration or anger, but you always have a choice. A wife can choose to be disrespectful or respectful. A husband can choose to be unloving or loving.

Mutual understanding, not communication, is the key to a healthy marriage relationship.

When sorting out how to slow down the Crazy Cycle, it helps to remember that men are commanded to love because they don’t love naturally, and on the other side, women are commanded to respect because they don’t respect naturally.

We send each other messages in “code” based on gender, even though we don’t intend to. What I say is not what you hear, and what you think you heard is not what I meant at all.

Avoid like the plague trying to punish each other as a means of “motivation.” Christ-followers instinctively know that this destroys any opportunity to act out of reverence for Christ. In all marital issues, love and reverence for Christ must be our primary motivation.

You can be right in the argument, but wrong in your approach.

Clearly, in the marriage, in the family and in the household, when you speak words of blessing, you are speaking to the Lord, and for this you will be rewarded.

We have to step back as Christ followers and ask, “Do I have false expectations that my relationship should be romantic 99% of the time?”

Your hunger for God can create an appetite in your children.

To stay the course in speaking words of Love and Respect, keep your heart in Scripture, trusting in and talking about His promises to help you.

If you want your wife to express appreciation for your attempts to be loving, you must use thankful words when she tries to speak or act respectfully.

To build a lasting legacy, use proven wisdom that you glean from the Lord.

God designed the woman to love. He’s not going to command her to agape her husband when He created her to do that in the first place. God is not into redundancy.

Assuming goodwill can be revolutionary in relationships.

Whether visiting a prison, feeding the hungry, giving the thirsty a drink or speaking a word of love or respect, everything is to be done to and for Christ.

When others do not respond to our communication, we need to look first at our communication style. Is the other person incapable of hearing what we have to say? Or are we abrupt, brusque, and curt?

Accentuate the positive and eliminate the negative with lots of love and respect in between.

You both forgive for one simple but profound reason: because you know Christ has forgiven you!

Marriage is a tool and a test to allow God’s will to be revealed in our lives.

You cannot use unholy means to achieve a worthy end.

God’s commands are not burdensome, but are given to us to spare us from more pain. Why would God command you to do something that doesn’t work?

Be a part of the solution, not part of the problem.

“You can be right, but wrong at the top of your voice.”

God rewards your obedience to love and respect, even if your spouse does not respond!

A parent needs to feel respected, especially during conflicts...A child need to feel loved, especially during disputes.

Your wife will feel esteemed when you speak highly of her in front of others.

We are equal but we are not the same.

Wives, to energize your husband do an activity with him, shoulder-to-shoulder, without talking.

Do you bow to the influence of Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?

Unconditional respect, like unconditional love, is all about how one sounds (tone of voice and word choice) and appears (facial expressions and physical actions).

[Husbands] do you realize the power of just holding your wife’s hand?

It’s so easy to dismiss our spouse as childish because we don’t have the same vulnerabilities they do.

There is a plan to parent God’s way, even when our children may seek to go their own way at time. The secret is to follow this plan regardless. When you do, I believe you succeed in His eyes.

It is hard to be negative while being thankful.

The difference between successful couples and unsuccessful couples is that successful ones keep getting up and dealing with the issues.

It’s crucial to communicate with the right tone of voice and the right expression on your face.

As a wife, if you can start to understand how important your husband’s work is to him, you will take a giant step toward communicating respect and honor, two things that he values even more than your love.

[Women], your self-love cannot be derived from your husband’s love. It can affect it, but it does not determine it.

Self-interest should never come ahead of your spouse’s interests.

If you want your husband to express appreciation for your attempts to be respectful, you must speak thankfully when he tries to be loving.

Research shows that 70% of the couples who were extremely unhappy in their marriage, but hung in there and worked through the tough time, identified themselves as being very happy five years later.

I often stress that one of the greatest rewards any persevering spouse can have is being a good example and influence on the children in the family.

It is so easy to draw wrong conclusions about a spouse’s character and motives due to an occasional flare-up or silly comment.

If a husband is commanded to agape- love his wife, then she truly needs love.

Your spouse deserves the truth from you. Do your best to tell it with love and respect.