Motivating Your Man God’s Way (Book Set and Free CD)

Good intentions do not always produce good words or outcomes.

Recognize your different gifts--how each of you (Pink and Blue) functions according to God’s perfect design.

It’s hard to realize that we would never act around our business associates the way we act around our spouse.

God designed the woman to love. He’s not going to command her to agape her husband when He created her to do that in the first place. God is not into redundancy.

Pink and Blue perceptions not only affect seeing, they affect hearing as well. Women hear with pink hearing aids and men hear with blue hearing aids. Even more important to understand as you and your spouse seek to gain better communication, you can hear the very same words, but each of you will hear different messages.

At the very bottom of things, in every case and in every conversation, you can do your marriage a huge favor by assuming she is seeking to feel loved or he is seeking to feel respected and give your spouse some grace!

[Husbands] as the church places her burdens on Christ, so a woman needs to place her burdens on her husband. When she shares with you, don’t assume she is asking you to solve the problem. Ask your wife, “Do you want a solution or a listening ear?”

Your marriage is really a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and reverence for your Lord.

Suppressing negative feelings is not loving, respectful or very wise. Speak up tactfully.

[Husbands] the most powerful weapons you have are your ears. Just listen to your wife, and she is much more likely to feel understood.

This is the Rewarded Cycle: His love blesses regardless of her respect and her respect blesses regardless of his love.

To build a lasting legacy, use proven wisdom that you glean from the Lord.

When a husband chooses to come across lovingly even though he feels disrespected, he can prevent the Crazy Cycle from spinning and possibly getting out of control.

It’s so easy to dismiss our spouse as childish because we don’t have the same vulnerabilities they do.

The mature one in the marriage seldom moves second.

We are either going to give in the darkness or we are going to give into the darkness.

One thing to remember in this culture is if we say something complimentary towards one gender, we aren’t saying something against the other.

Thank the Lord for the goodwill each of you has toward the other. Ask Him for strength to give each other the benefit of the doubt during moments when someone’s goodwill seems to be lacking. “He who seeks good finds goodwill, but evil comes to him who searches for it.” (Proverbs 11:27)

Husbands primarily want to hear ‘respect” talk during conflict. Wives primarily want to hear “love” talk during conflict.

Be a part of the solution, not part of the problem.

Always remember that Pink and Blue have different wiring, different preferences. Assume your spouse has goodwill toward you, no matter what. Both of you can be right, while being different.

Do not live by the standards of Hollywood; trust what God says in His Holy Word.

Your words reveal your heart.

Let the Lord change you, but don’t try to change each other.

Whether visiting a prison, feeding the hungry, giving the thirsty a drink or speaking a word of love or respect, everything is to be done to and for Christ.

No one can really practice Love and Respect unless he or she does it as unto Jesus Christ.

There is a discrepancy between who we want to be and see ourselves to be and how we actually sound in voice and writing. But with self-reflection and honesty, we can turn the corner and improve our communication. We need only evaluate what we are about to communicate.

Your spouse has a need that you don’t have. Are you going to say there is something seriously wrong with them or will you say “Viva la Difference”?

Ladies, be careful. “A nagging wife goes on and on like the drip, drip, drip of the rain” (Proverbs 19:13).

Could you be facing a crisis in faith more than a crisis in your marriage?

It is crucial for a husband and wife to see that neither one is wrong, but both of them are very different--in body function, outlook and perspective.

No matter how difficult your spouse may be at the moment, your spouse does not have control over your reaction; you do. You may be experiencing disappointment, frustration, or anger, but you always have a choice.

We have to step back as Christ followers and ask, “Do I have false expectations that my relationship should be romantic 99% of the time?”

As mature men, we need to take leadership and put this out on the table. We must acknowledge our feelings- we need to feel respected. However, as we do this we must acknowledge our wife’s feelings- she needs to feel loved!

We are equal but we are not the same.

To get offended is easy, but to forgive is within your power as you walk in His steps.

We might say that every negative action in the family has an equal and opposite negative reaction.

When one of you makes a mistake, control any anger you may feel and trust God completely, no matter what happens.

God is good and wants what is best for us.

There is power and freedom that comes in understanding that no one can cause you to react in a certain way. It is your choice.

As you pray together, you will truly learn to love and respect together.

God is not pink. God is not blue. God is purple. When two become one, they have the potential of displaying God’s attributes and character.

Each of you must focus on what God is calling you to do toward your spouse. Do not focus on what you think God is calling your spouse to do toward you.

Wives, you never know: The way you handle this [conflict] might bring your husband not only back to you, but to God. Husbands, you never know: The way you handle this [conflict] might bring your wife not only back to you, but to God. (1 Corinthians 7:16)

A parent needs to feel respected, especially during conflicts...A child need to feel loved, especially during disputes.

Although the Crazy Cycle is not what God intends for any marriage, all couples get on it at times from one degree to another.

Marriage is a tool and a test to allow God’s will to be revealed in our lives.

His love blesses regardless of her respect; her respect blesses regardless of his love.

Unconditional respect means we confront their wrongdoings respectfully. We do not become uncivil because they are. Who they fail to be does not determine who we will be.

God’s commands are not burdensome, but are given to us to spare us from more pain. Why would God command you to do something that doesn’t work?

In the ultimate sense you marriage has nothing to do with your spouse. It has everything to do with your relationship with Jesus Christ.

We all need love and respect equally. But, during conflict our felt needs are as different as pink is from blue.

Stay the course regardless of the child’s respect and obedience. This is the Family Rewarded Cycle: a parents love unto Christ regardless of the child.

When confronting your spouse, attack the behavior, not the person.

When sorting out how to slow down the Crazy Cycle, it helps to remember that men are commanded to love because they don’t love naturally, and on the other side, women are commanded to respect because they don’t respect naturally.

The Crazy Cycle is, indeed “the evil of folly and the foolishness of madness” (Ecclesiastes 7:25)

Self-interest should never come ahead of your spouse’s interests.

Marriage is a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and your reverence for Jesus Christ.

Don’t label each other as bad because you differ on how you solve your troubles.

“With eyes of faith, envision Jesus standing just beyond the shoulder of your spouse and listening to every word you speak in every conversation, pleasant or tense. When you speak lovingly or respectfully to your spouse, you are speaking to Christ. Your spouse just happens to be there too.” This truth has sanctified the lips of many. Instead of giving their spouse a verbal whipping or choking on the idea of saying anything positive, now some spouses are motivated to speak words of unconditional love or respect.

When evil comes at you, you’re the one who makes the choice of whether or not it is going to go into you.

“Respect is a man’s deepest value. I have had numerous men tell me, ‘I would rather live with a wife who respected me but did not love me than live with a wife who loved me but did not respect me.’ These men are not saying that they are indifferent to love. They know they need love, but they need to feel respected even more than they need to feel loved.“

A wife has one driving need: to feel loved. When that need is met, she is happy. A husband has one driving need: to feel respected. When that need is met, he is happy. When either of these needs isn’t met, things get crazy with conflict.

Mutual understanding, not communication, is the key to a healthy marriage relationship.

We get on the Crazy Cycle because without love a wife reacts without respect, and without respect a husband reacts without love.

When a husband feels disrespected, it is especially hard to love his wife. When a wife feels unloved, it is especially hard to respect her husband.

You’re the only person in the world who can meet your spouse’s deepest need for love and respect. After all, you alone are married to your spouse.

“You can be right, but wrong at the top of your voice.”

Life is too short to fuss and fret over trivial irritations.

Respect for the husband is just as important as love for the wife.

Troubles over sex and money do not cause a marriage to go under. The lack of love and respect during conflict cause the marriage to go under.

We must bring our identity in Christ to our parenting—we must not derive our identity from our children.

If you want your wife to express appreciation for your attempts to be loving, you must use thankful words when she tries to speak or act respectfully.

We are worth Jesus to the Father.

Christian maturity involves a lot of things, but surely it includes knowing how to process your anger.

We can communicate the truth in the best of manners, but the person may be so insecure he or she can only react and attack like a wounded bear.

Women give a report to build rapport. Men bond through shoulder-to-shoulder activities without talking.

Husbands, even Jesus Himself was asked by a woman, “Do you not care?” (Luke 10:40) When your wife accuses you of not caring, decode her deeper meaning.

You can be right but wrong at the top of your voice.

Your spouse can affect you, but your spouse does not control you.

Trusting and obeying God’s Word because we love and reverence God never, ever makes us a hypocrite! When the alarm goes off in the morning, we get up, even when we don’t feel like it getting up. Because we do what we don’t feel like doing, does that make us hypocrites? No, it’s a sign we are responsible people. Showing respectful behavior when we don’t “feel respectful” is evidence of maturity.

God rewards your obedience to love and respect, even if your spouse does not respond!

If a husband is commanded to agape- love his wife, then she truly needs love.

A strong woman of dignity puts on respect out of her love and reverence for Jesus Christ. She trusts that His word not only protects and empowers her, but also rewards her with incomprehensible eternal blessings.

Refuse to let evil turn you into a contemptuous and hateful person.

Words of wisdom for all husbands and wives are these: We easily see what is done to us before we see what we are doing to our mate.

Feeling unloved, a wife gets defensive and acts offensively without respect. Feeling disrespected, a husband gets defensive and acts offensively without love.

Words of Love or Respect must uplift your spouse, edifying- never manipulating him or her.

Love and Respect is a faith venture, not a formula.

Being a person who communicates what is true frequently demands tact, and at times it can feel like sidestepping land mines. It takes work to be both truthful and tactful.

To stay the course in speaking words of Love and Respect, keep your heart in Scripture, trusting in and talking about His promises to help you.

As strong and powerful as marriage bonds can become, our deepest dependency must be on the Lord, not another human being.

Knowing my spouse will not be able to love or respect me perfectly, I commit to having a forgiving spirit so that I may never speak hatefully or contemptuously.

She’s not wrong for not being male. He is not wrong for not being female. When you put pink and blue together, you get purple, the color of royalty; the color of God. Together, a husband and wife reflect God’s image.

When others do not respond to our communication, we need to look first at our communication style. Is the other person incapable of hearing what we have to say? Or are we abrupt, brusque, and curt?

When your wife comes to talk to you, listen to her. Realize she is coming to you because you matter more to her than anyone else. She has certain emotional needs and only you can meet them. Sometimes she may say things that don’t make sense to you and she is apt to misspeak and exaggerate when she is upset, but don’t put her down. Instead, listen to her heart. Give her a chance to express her concerns and, as she does so, don’t try to fix her. Don’t give her your solutions unless she asks for them.

A wife has one driving need--to feel loved. When that need is met she is happy. A husband has one driving need--to feel respected. When that need is met he is happy. When either of these needs isn’t met, things get crazy. Love and Respect reveals why spouses react negatively to each other, and how they can deal with such conflict quickly, easily and biblically.

Before hitting send, ask yourself, "Have I listened carefully and understand the exact issue on the table?"

Mutual submission is the only way to live fairly together with mutual authority.

We have different vulnerabilities. We can pass judgment on one another all day long or we can say God made us different and that’s ok.