Motivating Your Man God’s Way (Book Set and Free CD)

Knowing my spouse will not be able to love or respect me perfectly, I commit to having a forgiving spirit so that I may never speak hatefully or contemptuously.

Your spouse has a need that you don’t have. Are you going to say there is something seriously wrong with them or will you say “Viva la Difference”?

The woman absolutely needs love, and the man absolutely needs respect. It’s as simple- and as difficult- as that.

Always remember that Pink and Blue have different wiring, different preferences. Assume your spouse has goodwill toward you, no matter what. Both of you can be right, while being different.

Wives, you never know: The way you handle this [conflict] might bring your husband not only back to you, but to God. Husbands, you never know: The way you handle this [conflict] might bring your wife not only back to you, but to God. (1 Corinthians 7:16)

We have discovered that as women motivate their man God’s way, men are energized to love them better. It doesn’t matter if your marriage is good or seems like there is no hope. We have seen God move in powerful ways even when things looked hopeless.

Be friendly. Be friendly. Be friendly. Watch what happens.

You’re the only person in the world who can meet your spouse’s deepest need for love and respect. After all, you alone are married to your spouse.

I often stress that one of the greatest rewards any persevering spouse can have is being a good example and influence on the children in the family.

As you pray together, you will truly learn to love and respect together.

A wife has one driving need: to feel loved. When that need is met, she is happy. A husband has one driving need: to feel respected. When that need is met, he is happy. When either of these needs isn’t met, things get crazy with conflict.

Your marriage is really a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and reverence for your Lord.

Christian maturity involves a lot of things, but surely it includes knowing how to process your anger.

Your marriage is a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and reverence for Jesus Christ. God is using your spouse to bring you an eternal reward.

Do not live by the standards of Hollywood; trust what God says in His Holy Word.

[Husbands] the most powerful weapons you have are your ears. Just listen to your wife, and she is much more likely to feel understood.

Always try to look at your spouse the way Jesus does.

Often the apparent issue isn’t the real issue; the real issue is always a matter of love or respect.

It’s crucial to communicate with the right tone of voice and the right expression on your face.

We blame people for the bad things we do, but take credit for the good things we do.

Suppressing negative feelings is not loving, respectful or very wise. Speak up tactfully.

When the wife flatly says her husband will have to earn her respect before she gives him any, she leaves the husband in a lose-lose situation. Now he is responsible for both love and respect in the relationship. He must unconditionally love his wife and earn her respect.

A parent needs to feel respected, especially during conflicts...A child need to feel loved, especially during disputes.

Thank the Lord for all the trouble-free moments in which you and your spouse enjoy Him, each other, your family, your ministry and life as a whole. Ask Him for the strength to accept your measure of trouble, and the wisdom to deal with the annoyances and irritations by loving and respecting each other with new commitment. (You may also want to pray about troubles at work, at church, with the children…) “But those who marry will have trouble in this life” (1 Corinthians 7:28)

We have different vulnerabilities. We can pass judgment on one another all day long or we can say God made us different and that’s ok.

With a better understanding of God’s promises, you will be on your way to a renewed mind and a changed life.

Though the end can be worthy (to be loved and respected), when each uses unholy means (unloving and disrespectful words and actions), it will not achieve those ends. We must treat others as we expect them to treat us. To deny this makes us arrogant or fools, or both.

“Respect is a man’s deepest value. I have had numerous men tell me, ‘I would rather live with a wife who respected me but did not love me than live with a wife who loved me but did not respect me.’ These men are not saying that they are indifferent to love. They know they need love, but they need to feel respected even more than they need to feel loved.“

Your wife feels you are open with her when you discuss financial concerns, possible job changes or ideas for your future.

Marriage is a tool and a test to allow God’s will to be revealed in our lives.

Husbands primarily want to hear ‘respect” talk during conflict. Wives primarily want to hear “love” talk during conflict.

Negative actions rarely produce positive results.

A marriage relationship will be energized when couples learn how to motivate each other God’s way.

It’s hard to realize that we would never act around our business associates the way we act around our spouse.

Above all trust God when the “whys” of life threaten to overwhelm you.

As mature men, we need to take leadership and put this out on the table. We must acknowledge our feelings- we need to feel respected. However, as we do this we must acknowledge our wife’s feelings- she needs to feel loved!

Here is the secret to marriage that every couple seeks and yet few find: Unconditional respect is as powerful for him as unconditional love is for her. It’s the secret that will help you achieve a brand new level of intimacy.

Could you be facing a crisis in faith more than a crisis in your marriage?

Money squabbles don’t undermine love and respect; they simply reveal unloving and disrespectful attitudes, which are the real reason why a marriage can start to wobble on the Crazy Cycle.

There is power and freedom that comes in understanding that no one can cause you to react in a certain way. It is your choice.

Your wife will feel esteemed when you speak highly of her in front of others.

“You can be right, but wrong at the top of your voice.”

Unconditional love or respect is never wasted. Hang onto this promise: “Let us not lose heart in doing good, for in due time we will reap if we do not grow weary” (Galatians 6:9).

Clarifying is what you do before you step on your mate’s air hose and deflate his or her spirit. For example, you are having a typical conversation, but you can tell there is a misunderstanding. One of you isn’t being clear or isn’t hearing correctly. Then and there you clarify the misunderstanding before your spouse’s spirit deflates. You lovingly or respectfully clarify matters so that your spouse will not feel unloved or disrespected. The reason you take pains to clarify a seemingly small matter is to prevent the situation from becoming a love and respect issue that needs decoding. Clarifying is what you do to stay off the Crazy Cycle and keep positive, energetic feelings flowing between the two of you, to keep yourselves on the Energizing Cycle.

You both forgive for one simple but profound reason: because you know Christ has forgiven you!

You have to become proactive, rather than just trying to stop the reactive.

Every marriage includes trouble some of the time. Do not let the 20% leaven all the rest.

It is hard to be negative while being thankful.

No one can really practice Love and Respect unless he or she does it as unto Jesus Christ.

God rewards your obedience to love and respect, even if your spouse does not respond!

It’s so easy to dismiss our spouse as childish because we don’t have the same vulnerabilities they do.

When a wife feels unloved, it can be such a shock to her heart that she is oblivious to her disrespectful reactions toward her husband, though any man watching could see it plainly.

His love blesses regardless of her respect; her respect blesses regardless of his love.

We easily see what is done to us before we see what we are doing to our mate.

If a husband is commanded to agape- love his wife, then she truly needs love.

The Crazy Cycle is, indeed “the evil of folly and the foolishness of madness” (Ecclesiastes 7:25)

Do you understand that God feels compassion for you, no matter what you have done or what your circumstances may be?

If we subscribe to the belief that because we are equal we are the same, then we’re going to expect our spouse to respond the way we do.

Fight like a loving man and a respectful woman. Fight fair.

No matter how difficult your spouse may be at the moment, your spouse does not have control over your reaction; you do. You may be experiencing disappointment, frustration or anger, but you always have a choice. A wife can choose to be disrespectful or respectful. A husband can choose to be unloving or loving.

[Husbands] as the church places her burdens on Christ, so a woman needs to place her burdens on her husband. When she shares with you, don’t assume she is asking you to solve the problem. Ask your wife, “Do you want a solution or a listening ear?”

Your spouse has a need only you can fill.

Husbands, even Jesus Himself was asked by a woman, “Do you not care?” (Luke 10:40) When your wife accuses you of not caring, decode her deeper meaning.

Do you seek to understand or only to be understood?

If you want your wife to express appreciation for your attempts to be loving, you must use thankful words when she tries to speak or act respectfully.

Pink and Blue perceptions not only affect seeing, they affect hearing as well. Women hear with pink hearing aids and men hear with blue hearing aids. Even more important to understand as you and your spouse seek to gain better communication, you can hear the very same words, but each of you will hear different messages.

the heart of my communication means the other person cannot get my heart to be unkind, unloving, or disrespectful. Instead, I have made a decision about who I will be independent of the other person. I won’t blame my unkindness on someone else.

Marriage is a test of how you unconditionally love and respect your spouse as you obey, honor, and please the Lord.

The difference between successful couples and unsuccessful couples is that successful ones keep getting up and dealing with the issues.

At the very bottom of things, in every case and in every conversation, you can do your marriage a huge favor by assuming she is seeking to feel loved or he is seeking to feel respected and give your spouse some grace!

Marital researchers agree that a huge percentage of communication problems between husband and wife are due not to what is said but to how it is said – the attitude and tone of voice.

Troubles over sex and money do not cause a marriage to go under. The lack of love and respect during conflict cause the marriage to go under.

Don’t label each other as bad because you differ on how you solve your troubles.

God designed the woman to love. He’s not going to command her to agape her husband when He created her to do that in the first place. God is not into redundancy.

When you possess a forgiving spirit, words of Love and Respect will flow authentically from your lips- and realize that the Lord Himself is listening to you at moments like these. He knows you are not powerless, but actually full of power that He has granted you.

I had often asked God to compensate for my mistakes, but in return had I thought He would give me perfect children?

Your husband knows you appreciate his desire to protect and provide when you praise his commitment to provide for you. You empathize when he reveals his male mindset about position, status, or rank at work.

Clearly, in the marriage, in the family and in the household, when you speak words of blessing, you are speaking to the Lord, and for this you will be rewarded.

We fool ourselves into thinking the other person causes us to be the way we are. They really don’t! But if we lock into that idea, we become helpless, hopeless victims.

The moment we cry to Him for help, He is already pleased. He gives us strength to love our children.

Share what God is saying to your heart, not what you think He needs to say to your mate.

A woman needs love like she needs air to breathe. A man needs respect like he needs air to breathe.

Love and Respect is a faith venture, not a formula.

No matter how difficult your spouse may be at the moment, your spouse does not have control over your reaction; you do. You may be experiencing disappointment, frustration, or anger, but you always have a choice.

Positive changes flood a relationship immediately when both husband and wife cancel the blame game!

[Husbands] do you realize the power of just holding your wife’s hand?

When a wife insists that her husband earn her respect, she puts him in a lose-lose situation.

When confronting your spouse, attack the behavior, not the person.

Trust God when the “why’s” of life threaten to overwhelm you.

A most significant point of this book is this: If what we think is true, kind, necessary, and clear, we need to have the courage to hit send. This isn’t about refraining from speaking; this is about speaking.

Self-interest should never come ahead of your spouse’s interests.

Be quick to listen and understand and you have a much better chance of being understood.

When a husband chooses to do or say something loving, and that includes saying, ‘I’m sorry for coming across in an unloving way,’ he energizes his wife. When a wife decides to express herself respectfully, and that includes apologizing for her disrespectful attitude, she energizes her husband.

Can you begin to trust that God feels love for you even when you don’t feel that love?

Words of Love or Respect must uplift your spouse, edifying- never manipulating him or her.

He will feel appreciated when you disagree with him only in private and honor his authority in front of the kids.

If a husband chooses to be a peacemaker--taking the needs and concerns of his wife totally into account during any kind of argument or conflict--his wife will be motivated in turn to respond to his authority during stalemates.

It is so easy to draw wrong conclusions about a spouse’s character and motives due to an occasional flare-up or silly comment.

In your marriage be the first to “seek peace and pursue it” (1 Peter 3:11)

God’s commands are not burdensome, but are given to us to spare us from more pain. Why would God command you to do something that doesn’t work?