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A Wife Confronts Because She Cares [Video]

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Have you heard comments like this from your wife?

  • Remember your son’s music recital this Thursday. Please do not miss this one like you did the last one.
  • My sister is coming for dinner tonight. Can you please act more interested than you usually do when she’s around? Ask her how she is feeling in her new relationship with Sam.
  • Call your mother this week and talk with her longer than you did the last time. She said you only chatted for about five minutes.

Why are wives like this? Are these comments disrespectful or rooted in her concern and care?

Her Maternal Nature

Though we as men feel bridled and disrespected, most women confront because they care. They are mothers who mother!

I must remind myself of this with Sarah. I get irritated when all she intends to do is serve and help me. It is in her nature, and her nature is designed by God to nurture.

The nature of a woman to nurture is off the charts compared to men. God created women to give birth. This is not to put men down or stereotype women as only suited for pregnancy. I simply want us to stand in awe at the reality of the consuming love of a mother for her baby. Every infant needs one person absolutely crazy about her, and the mother fits the bill!

This explains why your wife mothers you. It is in her nature. If you have a daughter, she will likely do the same toward her husband.

Women Love Babies

The nurturing begins early in a little girl. She wants a doll and instinctively seems to know how to care for her “baby.” Toy manufacturers sell baby dolls to girls, not to boys. The boys gravitate to GI Joe.

When my son David was a baby, we stayed at the home of some friends. This family had two sons and two daughters. The girls could not stay away from holding David while the boys went outside to play with GI Joe.

Women and girls also love baby showers! The all-out adrenaline rush among women gathering for a baby shower has never missed my notice. I often wonder why people do not become firm believers in male-female differences after one encounter with women at a baby shower.

Men Feel Compelled to Provide

Men see themselves as responsible to provide for mother and child by working. He feels compelled to provide, but he does not feel deep in his DNA a yearning to nurse and nurture the baby as a mother does.

Though I did my dissertation on effective fathers, Sarah (the mothering parent) exceeded me (the fathering parent) by a few billion light years when it came to her ability to nurture. She was born to give birth. I was born to take care of the one born to give birth.

Her Nurturing Nature in Marriage

Back to my main point.

A wife confronts her husband because she cares. She does not confront to control him or convey contempt for him.

For a husband to fail to appreciate this nurturing nature when she confronts to connect is comparable to Luke Skywalker, in Star Wars, walking into an intergalactic bar and missing the wonder of the creatures seated next to him. How could he be so blind?

Yes, I know that analogy sounds unacceptable to women but ultimately I want guys to read this blog. I want testosterone to appreciate estrogen. I want husbands to be in awe of this beautiful creature who cares and loves. She does so with innocence and virtue, like she did when gifted with her first doll, holding her first baby, attending a baby shower, and giving birth.

She loves to love, and she loves you. She criticizes and complains because she cares.

When you get irritated or harsh on the heels of her loving reminders, she is in disbelief and feels misunderstood.

Husbands, I know it sounds crazy to you that she confronts because she cares since it feels disrespectful to you.

But can you trust her maternal heart?


Emerson Eggerichs, Ph.D.
Author, Speaker, Pastor

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