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If I ranked comments from wives to me, this one comes in close to the top: “My husband hurts my feelings.”
Countless divorcees have told us over the years that had they known the Love and Respect truth underlying the negative cycle they found themselves constantly on (which we refer to as the Crazy Cycle), they would never have divorced.
Husbands and wives are going to disagree . . . many times. They’re going to have arguments . . . many times. On top of that, husbands will disappoint wives, and wives will disappoint husbands, bringing reason for the offended or hurt spouse to broach a possibly sensitive or tough topic.
There is an axiom that I have used in my teachings for as long as I can remember that, to this day, I still fully believe in its simple but life-changing truth: “My response is my responsibility.”
When I was on staff at a church in the 1970s, we sought to serve widows and orphans. Though they were not all widows, we decided to lean into assisting single parents specifically.
You and I have not seen Christ with our eyes. After His ascension into Heaven, all subsequent believers would believe in Him without literally seeing Him. Jesus spoke to this when He uttered, "Blessed are they who did not see, and yet believed”(John 20:29).
Part 2 once again asked the question, “Who is responsible for the success...or failure…of your marriage?” Not every couple wants the pastor to help. Some have secret agendas to justify their actions. Unscrupulous Actions I’ve often thought about the people who have made confessions to me after they ended a marriage. Though they did not come to me early on, I’d hear transparent comments about their previous manipulation.
Part 1 asked two vital questions. The first question is, “Are you distorting the truth from your counselor as grounds to divorce your spouse?” The second question is, “Who do you feel is responsible for the success or failure of your marriage? Does last resort mean you are desperate for help?” Back when I started pastoral counseling at around age 25, I remember a particular day when a wife came to see me about her decision to divorce her husband. As I explored the biblical justifications for divorce, asking her when her husband deserted her or committed adultery, she said, “Oh, he hasn’t committed adultery or left me.”
As I was growing up my mother used to say laughingly, “Relatives and friends come to our home as ‘The Last Resort!’” We had a swimming pool on the side of a hill overlooking a deep valley. A beautiful setting in which to swim, but not exactly a resort - only the last resort!Mom’s humorous meaning differed from others who used to come to my office for marital counseling. As they entered they would say, “Pastor, we have serious marriage problems. You are our last resort.”
What would you think if your husband said something like the following: “On a scale of 1–10, you have to be at least a 7 according to my standards before I will speak to you with a loving tone of voice. If you are a 6 or below, I will talk to you any way I like. If I sound a little rough or crude, get used to it.” What would you think if your wife said something like the following:
In part 1 of this series, I discussed the difference between carnal and healthy self-love, and why it is important for Christians to understand the significance of both. But what do we do about it? How do we develop a healthy self-love? Simply put: people view themselves as God views them. We do not listen to the accuser of the brethren condemning us about our shameful past, but instead we receive the forgiveness of Christ who loves us and died for us.
Much of today’s self-esteem teaching is centered around the love of the self, or rather the old self, fallen nature or the carnal person. Paul refers to this when he says, “...people will be lovers of self” (2 Timothy 3:2 ESV). This is the carnal self and it is not a good thing. This is why the Christian community has been scratching its head over the self-esteem teaching. Should there be self-love or should there not be self-love?
John is a student writing a paper on male and female communication. He emailed me saying, "I would be honored if you would please take a few, brief moments and answer three questions for me."Question #1: In your opinion, what communication breakdowns occur between males and females?
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