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The Crazy Cycle in the Workplace

Study Guide - Digital Download

The Secret to Thriving Workplaces

Organizations succeed when their people keep their noses to the grindstone and do their work…right? Maybe in the short-term, but not after the burnout, employee turnover, and plummeting team spirit that inevitably follows. Regardless of the work required, the culture of a job has a profound effect on morale, especially when it comes to the relationship between management and employees. What does it look like for companies to encourage a positive environment for all levels of work? What is the secret?

Transform Your Workplace

In this 2-part series, Dr. Emerson Eggerichs hones in on the transformative power of a workplace marked by two crucial qualities—personal care and respect. Without a healthy dose of both, a Crazy Cycle of disillusion begins. Because work plays a central role in life, it impacts the rest of our experiences. Applicable to employees and leadership alike, Emerson's teaching demonstrates how attentive, caring management garners respect from its people and in return leads to a strengthened outlook for an organization moving forward. Long-term success requires a broader vision, one that makes decisions beneficial to both the product and the people involved in its production.

Join Dr. Eggerichs in this two part video series! Also includes written content to facilitate questions, reflection and discussion.

Get to know...

Emerson and Sarah Eggerichs

Dr. Emerson Eggerichs is an internationally known public speaker on the topic of male-female relationships. Based on over three decades of pastoring, counseling and study of biblical and scientific research, Dr. Eggerichs and his wife Sarah developed the Love and Respect Conference which they present to live audiences around the country.

About Love & Respect
Portrait of Emerson and Sarah Eggerichs

Product Quotes

Do you give yourself grace and your spouse judgment?

The Language of Love & Respect Book

A wife has one driving need--to feel loved. When that need is met she is happy. A husband has one driving need--to feel respected. When that need is met he is happy. When either of these needs isn’t met, things get crazy. Love and Respect reveals why spouses react negatively to each other, and how they can deal with such conflict quickly, easily and biblically.

Love & Respect Book

Thank the Lord that in the very beginning He created them male and female – Blue and Pink. Ask Him for patience and ever-growing understanding of how men and women see and hear differently. “He created them male and female, and He blessed them.” (Genesis 5:2)

The Love and Respect Experience - Prayers

Do you understand that God feels compassion for you, no matter what you have done or what your circumstances may be?

Respectfully Yours

We get on the Crazy Cycle because without love a wife reacts without respect, and without respect a husband reacts without love.

Respectfully Yours

Feeling unloved, a wife gets defensive and acts offensively without respect. Feeling disrespected, a husband gets defensive and acts offensively without love.

The Love and Respect Experience

Just because you’re offended doesn’t mean the other person is offensive.

Love & Respect Podcast

Can you begin to trust that God feels love for you even when you don’t feel that love?

Respectfully Yours

We can all have moments of anger, but this does not mean we have to lose control and sin.

Building Blocks

If you are seeking positive change in your marriage, you will need to make a positive change in your attitude and actions.

Respectfully Yours

You cannot use unholy means to achieve a worthy end.

Building Blocks

We must bring our identity in Christ to our parenting—we must not derive our identity from our children.

Love & Respect Podcast

Good intentions do not always produce good words or outcomes.

Before You Hit Send

You both forgive for one simple but profound reason: because you know Christ has forgiven you!

The Love and Respect Experience

It’s crucial to communicate with the right tone of voice and the right expression on your face.

Love & Respect for a Lifetime

Unconditional respect, like unconditional love, is all about how one sounds (tone of voice and word choice) and appears (facial expressions and physical actions).

The Language of Love & Respect

Ladies, be careful. “A nagging wife goes on and on like the drip, drip, drip of the rain” (Proverbs 19:13).

The Language of Love & Respect Book

It is so easy to draw wrong conclusions about a spouse’s character and motives due to an occasional flare-up or silly comment.

The Love and Respect Experience

Research shows that 70% of the couples who were extremely unhappy in their marriage, but hung in there and worked through the tough time, identified themselves as being very happy five years later.

Building Blocks

Thank the Lord for the goodwill each of you has toward the other. Ask Him for strength to give each other the benefit of the doubt during moments when someone’s goodwill seems to be lacking. “He who seeks good finds goodwill, but evil comes to him who searches for it.” (Proverbs 11:27)

The Love and Respect Experience - Prayers

Wives, to energize your husband do an activity with him, shoulder-to-shoulder, without talking.

Building Blocks

God’s commands are not burdensome, but are given to us to spare us from more pain. Why would God command you to do something that doesn’t work?

Respectfully Yours

Above all trust God when the “whys” of life threaten to overwhelm you.

The Language of Love & Respect Book

Thank God for His forgiveness of your mistakes. In trying to be a loving man or a respectful woman, we blow it. Owning up to mistakes is never easy, but it is always the way to move forward. Take good care not to accuse your spouse of mistakes as you pray. Also, pray about any forgiving to be done in the family, any forgiveness that needs to be asked. Children may need forgiveness (and what about Mom and Dad?). “There is no one on earth who does what is right all the time and never makes a mistake.” (Ecclesiastes 7:20)

The Love and Respect Experience - Prayers

Often the apparent issue isn’t the real issue; the real issue is always a matter of love or respect.

The Love and Respect Experience

We fool ourselves into thinking the other person causes us to be the way we are. They really don’t! But if we lock into that idea, we become helpless, hopeless victims.

Respectfully Yours

In the ultimate sense, your marriage has nothing to do with your spouse. It has everything to do with your relationship to Jesus Christ.

Love & Respect for a Lifetime

The Lord made women (Pink) and men (Blue) with differences, and He expects us to recognize and deal with those differences in a loving and respectful way.

Love & Respect for a Lifetime

We are equal but we are not the same.

Building Blocks

A major step toward a happy marriage is accepting differences and working them out with love and respect.

The Love and Respect Experience

Negative actions rarely produce positive results.

Respectfully Yours

Words of Love or Respect must uplift your spouse, edifying- never manipulating him or her.

Love & Respect for a Lifetime

You can be right in the argument, but wrong in your approach.

Love & Respect Podcast

Respect for the husband is just as important as love for the wife.

Love & Respect

A parent needs to feel respected, especially during conflicts...A child need to feel loved, especially during disputes.

Love & Respect in the Family

You must distinguish between “I can’t” and “I won’t.”

Love & Respect

We have different vulnerabilities. We can pass judgment on one another all day long or we can say God made us different and that’s ok.

Building Blocks

There is power and freedom that comes in understanding that no one can cause you to react in a certain way. It is your choice.

Building Blocks

This is the Rewarded Cycle: His love blesses regardless of her respect and her respect blesses regardless of his love.

Respectfully Yours

You have two ears and one mouth; use them proportionately.

Building Blocks

When the wife flatly says her husband will have to earn her respect before she gives him any, she leaves the husband in a lose-lose situation. Now he is responsible for both love and respect in the relationship. He must unconditionally love his wife and earn her respect.

Love & Respect

Your spouse has a need only you can fill.

The Love and Respect Experience

The more we are upset at something, the wiser it is to let twenty-four hours pass before responding.

Before You Hit Send

Through Jesus and Peter, God set forth His standard for living in the unconditional dimension: choose to be loving even when the other person is not; do what is right regardless of the treatment you receive. I believe this standard applies directly to marriage. A husband who speaks lovingly to his disrespectful wife will be rewarded; and a wife who speaks respectfully to her unloving, not-worthy-of-respect husband will be rewarded. Whether you are husband or wife, the reward is what can keep you going in the midst of the craziness: knowing that God commends you, knowing that you have found his favor for your words and actions.

The Language of Love & Respect Book

The mature one in the marriage seldom moves second.

The Love and Respect Experience

I have concluded that those of us in the church who believe we have the Truth are not using the whole truth. A crucial part of God’s Word has been completely ignored, or perhaps simply gone unnoticed, when it has been there right under our noses the whole time! Many Christian spouses know Ephesians 5:33 and can at least paraphrase it. The Apostle Paul tells husbands to love their wives as much as they love themselves, and wives are to respect their husbands. But is anyone really listening? Perhaps the first step to better communication between husband and wife is to hear what God’s Word clearly says. --Emerson

Love & Respect Book

Unconditional love or respect is never wasted. Hang onto this promise: “Let us not lose heart in doing good, for in due time we will reap if we do not grow weary” (Galatians 6:9).

The Language of Love & Respect Book

At the very bottom of things, in every case and in every conversation, you can do your marriage a huge favor by assuming she is seeking to feel loved or he is seeking to feel respected and give your spouse some grace!

The Language of Love & Respect Book

Being friendly to her man is one of the most effective things a woman can do to strengthen her marriage.

Love & Respect for a Lifetime

When one of you makes a mistake, control any anger you may feel and trust God completely, no matter what happens.

The Love and Respect Experience

“With eyes of faith, envision Jesus standing just beyond the shoulder of your spouse and listening to every word you speak in every conversation, pleasant or tense. When you speak lovingly or respectfully to your spouse, you are speaking to Christ. Your spouse just happens to be there too.” This truth has sanctified the lips of many. Instead of giving their spouse a verbal whipping or choking on the idea of saying anything positive, now some spouses are motivated to speak words of unconditional love or respect.

The Language of Love & Respect Book

The moment we cry to Him for help, He is already pleased. He gives us strength to love our children.

Love & Respect in the Family

Marriage is a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and your reverence for Jesus Christ.

Respectfully Yours

“Living happily ever after” means knowing how to deal with the imperfect parts of life.

The Love and Respect Experience

Don’t pressure yourself with perfection. We are going to fail. A righteous man falls 7 times but gets back up.

Building Blocks

Unconditional respect is as powerful to him as unconditional love is to her.

Love & Respect for a Lifetime

Trusting and obeying God’s Word because we love and reverence God never, ever makes us a hypocrite! When the alarm goes off in the morning, we get up, even when we don’t feel like it getting up. Because we do what we don’t feel like doing, does that make us hypocrites? No, it’s a sign we are responsible people. Showing respectful behavior when we don’t “feel respectful” is evidence of maturity.

Love & Respect

We might say that every negative action in the family has an equal and opposite negative reaction.

Love & Respect in the Family

Your wife will feel esteemed when you speak highly of her in front of others.

Love & Respect

Don’t label each other as bad because you differ on how you solve your troubles.

Building Blocks

We all need to wrestle with the spiritual truth that God is good. If you don’t believe God is good, you won’t trust His word. If you don’t trust His word, you will find excuses to ignore His commands.

Respectfully Yours

A woman needs love like she needs air to breathe. A man needs respect like he needs air to breathe.

Building Blocks

Avoid like the plague trying to punish each other as a means of “motivation.” Christ-followers instinctively know that this destroys any opportunity to act out of reverence for Christ. In all marital issues, love and reverence for Christ must be our primary motivation.

The Love and Respect Experience

When Jesus said “turn the other cheek,” He wasn’t saying to be passive wimps. He was teaching that physically people can control you but if you turn and give the other cheek, suddenly you’re in control and you’re making the choices.

Building Blocks

Your husband knows you appreciate his desire to protect and provide when you praise his commitment to provide for you. You empathize when he reveals his male mindset about position, status, or rank at work.

Love & Respect for a Lifetime

You may believe that the careless, unloving or disrespectful words you speak are because your spouse is causing you to speak this way, but Jesus says that it is coming out of your heart.

Building Blocks

[Women], your self-love cannot be derived from your husband’s love. It can affect it, but it does not determine it.

Respectfully Yours

How we react to a situation reveals more about us than about the other person.

Respectfully Yours

Be quick to listen and understand and you have a much better chance of being understood.

The Love and Respect Experience

It is hard to be negative while being thankful.

The Love and Respect Experience

Refuse to let evil turn you into a contemptuous and hateful person.

Love & Respect Podcast

Mutual submission is the only way to live fairly together with mutual authority.

The Love and Respect Experience

Each of you must focus on what God is calling you to do toward your spouse. Do not focus on what you think God is calling your spouse to do toward you.

Building Blocks

Truth will carry its own weight if delivered respectfully and lovingly.

Love & Respect Podcast

[Husbands] as the church places her burdens on Christ, so a woman needs to place her burdens on her husband. When she shares with you, don’t assume she is asking you to solve the problem. Ask your wife, “Do you want a solution or a listening ear?”

Love & Respect for a Lifetime

We are either going to give in the darkness or we are going to give into the darkness.

The Illumination Project (Journal)

There is a plan to parent God’s way, even when our children may seek to go their own way at time. The secret is to follow this plan regardless. When you do, I believe you succeed in His eyes.

Love & Respect in the Family

In the ultimate sense you marriage has nothing to do with your spouse. It has everything to do with your relationship with Jesus Christ.

Love & Respect

In your marriage be the first to “seek peace and pursue it” (1 Peter 3:11)

Love & Respect

No matter how difficult your spouse may be at the moment, your spouse does not have control over your reaction; you do. You may be experiencing disappointment, frustration or anger, but you always have a choice. A wife can choose to be disrespectful or respectful. A husband can choose to be unloving or loving.

The Language of Love & Respect Book

Your hunger for God can create an appetite in your children.

The Love and Respect Experience

Both Judas and Peter denied Jesus Christ, but there is a huge difference between a Judas and a Peter.

Building Blocks

Self-interest should never come ahead of your spouse’s interests.

The Love and Respect Experience

No matter what your struggle- criticism, constant conflict, sex, money, parenting, harsh words- learning to communicate the Love and Respect way can help you make crucial changes and build the kind of relationship that God blesses.

Love & Respect for a Lifetime

Research and experience prove that men and women see and hear differently. Recognizing these differences and adjusting to them is absolutely necessary for reaching mutual understanding and better communication.

Love & Respect for a Lifetime

A wife has one driving need: to feel loved. When that need is met, she is happy. A husband has one driving need: to feel respected. When that need is met, he is happy. When either of these needs isn’t met, things get crazy with conflict.

Love & Respect for a Lifetime

A man has a natural, inborn desire to go out and “conquer” the challenges of his world – to work and achieve.

Love & Respect for a Lifetime

Although the Crazy Cycle is not what God intends for any marriage, all couples get on it at times from one degree to another.

The Language of Love & Respect

Assume goodwill about the person you are in conflict with.

The Illumination Project (Journal)

Your marriage is really a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and reverence for your Lord.

The Love and Respect Experience

Mutual understanding, not communication, is the key to a healthy marriage relationship.

Building Blocks

[Women], as you enter quiet dignity, not preaching at your husband or scolding him as though you were his mother, something happens in his soul as a male.

Respectfully Yours

Positive changes flood a relationship immediately when both husband and wife cancel the blame game!

Love & Respect for a Lifetime

Do you seek to understand or only to be understood?

The Love and Respect Experience

Do not live by the standards of Hollywood; trust what God says in His Holy Word.

The Love and Respect Experience

Words of Love and Respect must include thankfulness spoken to or about your spouse; don’t fixate on weaknesses and faults.

Love & Respect for a Lifetime

We have to step back as Christ followers and ask, “Do I have false expectations that my relationship should be romantic 99% of the time?”

Building Blocks

Clearly, in the marriage, in the family and in the household, when you speak words of blessing, you are speaking to the Lord, and for this you will be rewarded.

The Language of Love & Respect Book

When a husband chooses to come across lovingly even though he feels disrespected, he can prevent the Crazy Cycle from spinning and possibly getting out of control.

The Language of Love & Respect

Husbands, to energize your wife give her face-to-face time, allowing her to talk and share her feelings.

Building Blocks
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