The Crazy Cycle In The Workplace - Study Guide (Download)

Just because you’re offended doesn’t mean the other person is offensive.

This is the Rewarded Cycle: His love blesses regardless of her respect and her respect blesses regardless of his love.

Your spouse deserves the truth from you. Do your best to tell it with love and respect.

Your marriage is a test of your devotion to Christ.

Unconditional respect is as powerful to him as unconditional love is to her.

It is hard to be negative while being thankful.

Whose voice are you listening to: Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?

[Husbands] as the church places her burdens on Christ, so a woman needs to place her burdens on her husband. When she shares with you, don’t assume she is asking you to solve the problem. Ask your wife, “Do you want a solution or a listening ear?”

So I encourage every husband and wife to commit to the Jesus Way of Talking. Instead of allowing the stress of the situation to control you, you can say to yourself, “Because I love the Lord and I know that He rewards every good word, I am going to be truthful even if my spouse is not. I will also be uplifting, forgiving, thankful and scriptural in my speech because my ultimate goal is to please the Lord. Whatever my spouse’s weaknesses or bad habits might be, I will not let them cause me to sin with my lips.”

Unconditional love or respect is never wasted. Hang onto this promise: “Let us not lose heart in doing good, for in due time we will reap if we do not grow weary” (Galatians 6:9).

Our trustworthiness rests on our truthfulness.

She’s not wrong for not being male. He is not wrong for not being female. When you put pink and blue together, you get purple, the color of royalty; the color of God. Together, a husband and wife reflect God’s image.

Words of wisdom for all husbands and wives are these: We easily see what is done to us before we see what we are doing to our mate.

God rewards your obedience to love and respect, even if your spouse does not respond!

Recognize your different gifts--how each of you (Pink and Blue) functions according to God’s perfect design.

Your words reveal your heart.

You can be right in the argument, but wrong in your approach.

Here is the secret to marriage that every couple seeks and yet few find: Unconditional respect is as powerful for him as unconditional love is for her. It’s the secret that will help you achieve a brand new level of intimacy.

In the ultimate sense, your marriage has nothing to do with your spouse. It has everything to do with your relationship to Jesus Christ.

When one of you makes a mistake, control any anger you may feel and trust God completely, no matter what happens.

Do not live by the standards of Hollywood; trust what God says in His Holy Word.

Husbands, to energize your wife give her face-to-face time, allowing her to talk and share her feelings.

We send each other messages in “code” based on gender, even though we don’t intend to. What I say is not what you hear, and what you think you heard is not what I meant at all.

If you want your wife to express appreciation for your attempts to be loving, you must use thankful words when she tries to speak or act respectfully.

Thank the Lord for the goodwill each of you has toward the other. Ask Him for strength to give each other the benefit of the doubt during moments when someone’s goodwill seems to be lacking. “He who seeks good finds goodwill, but evil comes to him who searches for it.” (Proverbs 11:27)

You both forgive for one simple but profound reason: because you know Christ has forgiven you!

Women give a report to build rapport. Men bond through shoulder-to-shoulder activities without talking.

Since it is easy to focus on the negative, focus on your mate’s good qualities and express thanks with positive words of Love or Respect.

A parent needs to feel respected, especially during conflicts...A child need to feel loved, especially during disputes.

There is a discrepancy between who we want to be and see ourselves to be and how we actually sound in voice and writing. But with self-reflection and honesty, we can turn the corner and improve our communication. We need only evaluate what we are about to communicate.

We can communicate the truth in the best of manners, but the person may be so insecure he or she can only react and attack like a wounded bear.

The more we are upset at something, the wiser it is to let twenty-four hours pass before responding.

Be friendly. Be friendly. Be friendly. Watch what happens.

Never give up. If you want to have a strong marriage, you need to accept temporary setbacks as part of the game.

It is so easy to draw wrong conclusions about a spouse’s character and motives due to an occasional flare-up or silly comment.

No matter what your struggle- criticism, constant conflict, sex, money, parenting, harsh words- learning to communicate the Love and Respect way can help you make crucial changes and build the kind of relationship that God blesses.

Through Jesus and Peter, God set forth His standard for living in the unconditional dimension: choose to be loving even when the other person is not; do what is right regardless of the treatment you receive. I believe this standard applies directly to marriage. A husband who speaks lovingly to his disrespectful wife will be rewarded; and a wife who speaks respectfully to her unloving, not-worthy-of-respect husband will be rewarded. Whether you are husband or wife, the reward is what can keep you going in the midst of the craziness: knowing that God commends you, knowing that you have found his favor for your words and actions.

We are either going to give in the darkness or we are going to give into the darkness.

A woman needs love like she needs air to breathe. A man needs respect like he needs air to breathe.

Clarifying is what you do before you step on your mate’s air hose and deflate his or her spirit. For example, you are having a typical conversation, but you can tell there is a misunderstanding. One of you isn’t being clear or isn’t hearing correctly. Then and there you clarify the misunderstanding before your spouse’s spirit deflates. You lovingly or respectfully clarify matters so that your spouse will not feel unloved or disrespected. The reason you take pains to clarify a seemingly small matter is to prevent the situation from becoming a love and respect issue that needs decoding. Clarifying is what you do to stay off the Crazy Cycle and keep positive, energetic feelings flowing between the two of you, to keep yourselves on the Energizing Cycle.

You speak lovingly or respectfully no matter how your spouse may speak to you in return. Your spouse is not the reason--good or bad--why you speak unconditional words of love or respect. God is the reason, and as you depend on Him, you will become increasingly able to speak lovingly and respectfully to your spouse.

We have different vulnerabilities. We can pass judgment on one another all day long or we can say God made us different and that’s ok.

Though the end can be worthy (to be loved and respected), when each uses unholy means (unloving and disrespectful words and actions), it will not achieve those ends. We must treat others as we expect them to treat us. To deny this makes us arrogant or fools, or both.

It’s so easy to dismiss our spouse as childish because we don’t have the same vulnerabilities they do.

He will feel appreciated when you recognize his problem-solving approach as his male brand of empathy.

Feeling unloved, a wife gets defensive and acts offensively without respect. Feeling disrespected, a husband gets defensive and acts offensively without love.

When parents genuinely trust and follow the Lord and His ways, their faith spills over onto the children.

As strong and powerful as marriage bonds can become, our deepest dependency must be on the Lord, not another human being.

“You can be right, but wrong at the top of your voice.”

Can you begin to trust that God feels love for you even when you don’t feel that love?

Do you seek to understand or only to be understood?

When we speak before we think, we widen the chances the other person(s) will be notably hurt, frustrated, confused, angry, fearful, or offended by something we’ve communicated.

The Crazy Cycle is, indeed “the evil of folly and the foolishness of madness” (Ecclesiastes 7:25)

To stay the course in speaking words of Love and Respect, keep your heart in Scripture, trusting in and talking about His promises to help you.

Before hitting send, ask yourself, "Have I listened carefully and understand the exact issue on the table?"

At the very bottom of things, in every case and in every conversation, you can do your marriage a huge favor by assuming she is seeking to feel loved or he is seeking to feel respected and give your spouse some grace!

Always try to look at your spouse the way Jesus does.

It’s hard to realize that we would never act around our business associates the way we act around our spouse.

The moment we cry to Him for help, He is already pleased. He gives us strength to love our children.

A husband may deserve contempt, but that doesn’t win him any more than harshness and anger wins the heart of a woman.

Getting married reveals, usually sooner than later, an incontestable fact: your spouse cannot possibly meet all your needs and desires

The heart of my communication means the other person cannot get my heart to be unkind, unloving, or disrespectful. Instead, I have made a decision about who I will be independent of the other person. I won’t blame my unkindness on someone else.

Unconditional respect means we confront their wrongdoings respectfully. We do not become uncivil because they are. Who they fail to be does not determine who we will be.

I often stress that one of the greatest rewards any persevering spouse can have is being a good example and influence on the children in the family.

Love and Respect is a faith venture, not a formula.

When a husband chooses to do or say something loving, and that includes saying, ‘I’m sorry for coming across in an unloving way,’ he energizes his wife. When a wife decides to express herself respectfully, and that includes apologizing for her disrespectful attitude, she energizes her husband.

Will we decide how we see God based on our circumstances, or will we see our circumstances in light of how we view God?

There is power and freedom that comes in understanding that no one can cause you to react in a certain way. It is your choice.

You must distinguish between “I can’t” and “I won’t.”

Your husband knows you appreciate his desire to protect and provide when you praise his commitment to provide for you. You empathize when he reveals his male mindset about position, status, or rank at work.

Negative actions rarely produce positive results.

[Women], your self-love cannot be derived from your husband’s love. It can affect it, but it does not determine it.

Assume goodwill about the person you are in conflict with.

When we feel crippling discouragement by the sinful choices and outcomes of our kids, we must not let this permanently deter us from parenting God’s way.

No matter how difficult your spouse may be at the moment, your spouse does not have control over your reaction; you do. You may be experiencing disappointment, frustration, or anger, but you always have a choice.

How we react to a situation reveals more about us than about the other person.

We can all have moments of anger, but this does not mean we have to lose control and sin.

Clearly, in the marriage, in the family and in the household, when you speak words of blessing, you are speaking to the Lord, and for this you will be rewarded.

It is crucial for a husband and wife to see that neither one is wrong, but both of them are very different--in body function, outlook and perspective.

When a wife feels unloved, it can be such a shock to her heart that she is oblivious to her disrespectful reactions toward her husband, though any man watching could see it plainly.

Suppressing negative feelings is not loving, respectful or very wise. Speak up tactfully.

We have to step back as Christ followers and ask, “Do I have false expectations that my relationship should be romantic 99% of the time?”

If we subscribe to the belief that because we are equal we are the same, then we’re going to expect our spouse to respond the way we do.

I had often asked God to compensate for my mistakes, but in return had I thought He would give me perfect children?

Positive changes flood a relationship immediately when both husband and wife cancel the blame game!

Our research shows that couples who pray together are more apt to reap all kinds of benefits, including better and more frequent communication, going on “dates” more frequently and having sex more frequently.

Being friendly to her man is one of the most effective things a woman can do to strengthen her marriage.

Marriage is a test of how you unconditionally love and respect your spouse as you obey, honor, and please the Lord.

Husbands, even Jesus Himself was asked by a woman, “Do you not care?” (Luke 10:40) When your wife accuses you of not caring, decode her deeper meaning.

He will feel appreciated when you disagree with him only in private and honor his authority in front of the kids.

When you play the blame game your marriage never wins.

Assuming goodwill can be revolutionary in relationships.

Often the apparent issue isn’t the real issue; the real issue is always a matter of love or respect.

God designed the woman to love. He’s not going to command her to agape her husband when He created her to do that in the first place. God is not into redundancy.

Knowing my spouse will not be able to love or respect me perfectly, I commit to having a forgiving spirit so that I may never speak hatefully or contemptuously.

God’s commands are not burdensome, but are given to us to spare us from more pain. Why would God command you to do something that doesn’t work?

When evil comes at you, you’re the one who makes the choice of whether or not it is going to go into you.

As you pray together, you will truly learn to love and respect together.

A marriage relationship will be energized when couples learn how to motivate each other God’s way.

It’s true that women have intuition and that men should listen to them. It’s also true that women have blind spots and need the insight of their husbands.