Love & Respect Workbook

I had often asked God to compensate for my mistakes, but in return had I thought He would give me perfect children?

We can all have moments of anger, but this does not mean we have to lose control and sin.

You may believe that the careless, unloving or disrespectful words you speak are because your spouse is causing you to speak this way, but Jesus says that it is coming out of your heart.

Your words reveal your heart.

Wives, you never know: The way you handle this [conflict] might bring your husband not only back to you, but to God. Husbands, you never know: The way you handle this [conflict] might bring your wife not only back to you, but to God. (1 Corinthians 7:16)

Your position in Christ is what counts, not your less-than-perfect performance.

Could you be facing a crisis in faith more than a crisis in your marriage?

[Husbands] as the church places her burdens on Christ, so a woman needs to place her burdens on her husband. When she shares with you, don’t assume she is asking you to solve the problem. Ask your wife, “Do you want a solution or a listening ear?”

Often the apparent issue isn’t the real issue; the real issue is always a matter of love or respect.

I have concluded that those of us in the church who believe we have the Truth are not using the whole truth. A crucial part of God’s Word has been completely ignored, or perhaps simply gone unnoticed, when it has been there right under our noses the whole time! Many Christian spouses know Ephesians 5:33 and can at least paraphrase it. The Apostle Paul tells husbands to love their wives as much as they love themselves, and wives are to respect their husbands. But is anyone really listening? Perhaps the first step to better communication between husband and wife is to hear what God’s Word clearly says. --Emerson

In the ultimate sense you marriage has nothing to do with your spouse. It has everything to do with your relationship with Jesus Christ.

Trusting and obeying God’s Word because we love and reverence God never, ever makes us a hypocrite! When the alarm goes off in the morning, we get up, even when we don’t feel like it getting up. Because we do what we don’t feel like doing, does that make us hypocrites? No, it’s a sign we are responsible people. Showing respectful behavior when we don’t “feel respectful” is evidence of maturity.

Research and experience prove that men and women see and hear differently. Recognizing these differences and adjusting to them is absolutely necessary for reaching mutual understanding and better communication.

He will feel appreciated when you recognize his problem-solving approach as his male brand of empathy.

“With eyes of faith, envision Jesus standing just beyond the shoulder of your spouse and listening to every word you speak in every conversation, pleasant or tense. When you speak lovingly or respectfully to your spouse, you are speaking to Christ. Your spouse just happens to be there too.” This truth has sanctified the lips of many. Instead of giving their spouse a verbal whipping or choking on the idea of saying anything positive, now some spouses are motivated to speak words of unconditional love or respect.

Words of wisdom for all husbands and wives are these: We easily see what is done to us before we see what we are doing to our mate.

When a wife feels unloved, it can be such a shock to her heart that she is oblivious to her disrespectful reactions toward her husband, though any man watching could see it plainly.

When we feel crippling discouragement by the sinful choices and outcomes of our kids, we must not let this permanently deter us from parenting God’s way.

Thank God for joining you together and for allowing you to trust Him to help you, whatever the issue. God is there for you and expects you to look to Him to keep you together as a team, so ask Him for His help in the smallest of concerns. “So they are no longer two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate.” (Matthew 19:6)

To stay the course in speaking words of Love and Respect, keep your heart in Scripture, trusting in and talking about His promises to help you.

The parent-child relationship is as easy, and as difficult, as love and respect.

You have to become proactive, rather than just trying to stop the reactive.

We easily see what is done to us before we see what we are doing to our mate.

Don’t pressure yourself with perfection. We are going to fail. A righteous man falls 7 times but gets back up.

Do not live by the standards of Hollywood; trust what God says in His Holy Word.

Money squabbles don’t undermine love and respect; they simply reveal unloving and disrespectful attitudes, which are the real reason why a marriage can start to wobble on the Crazy Cycle.

If you want your husband to express appreciation for your attempts to be respectful, you must speak thankfully when he tries to be loving.

Your husband knows you appreciate his desire to protect and provide when you praise his commitment to provide for you. You empathize when he reveals his male mindset about position, status, or rank at work.

We have different vulnerabilities. We can pass judgment on one another all day long or we can say God made us different and that’s ok.

When you relinquish an offense, you need to send that offense somewhere. So follow Jesus’ example and release it to your heavenly Father.

Respect for the husband is just as important as love for the wife.

Your spouse has a need only you can fill.

You must “ask God from the wealth of his glory to give you power through his Spirit to be strong in your inner selves.”

Troubles over sex and money do not cause a marriage to go under. The lack of love and respect during conflict cause the marriage to go under.

The woman absolutely needs love, and the man absolutely needs respect. It’s as simple- and as difficult- as that.

Do you bow to the influence of Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?

Don’t label each other as bad because you differ on how you solve your troubles.

Your marriage is a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and reverence for Jesus Christ. God is using your spouse to bring you an eternal reward.

Research shows that 70% of the couples who were extremely unhappy in their marriage, but hung in there and worked through the tough time, identified themselves as being very happy five years later.

Your wife will feel esteemed when you speak highly of her in front of others.

The Lord made women (Pink) and men (Blue) with differences, and He expects us to recognize and deal with those differences in a loving and respectful way.

When you’re truly Christ-centered, instead of child-centered, you will be a more effective parent in the long run.

There is a plan to parent God’s way, even when our children may seek to go their own way at time. The secret is to follow this plan regardless. When you do, I believe you succeed in His eyes.

When others do not respond to our communication, we need to look first at our communication style. Is the other person incapable of hearing what we have to say? Or are we abrupt, brusque, and curt?

Love and Respect is a faith venture, not a formula.

So I encourage every husband and wife to commit to the Jesus Way of Talking. Instead of allowing the stress of the situation to control you, you can say to yourself, “Because I love the Lord and I know that He rewards every good word, I am going to be truthful even if my spouse is not. I will also be uplifting, forgiving, thankful and scriptural in my speech because my ultimate goal is to please the Lord. Whatever my spouse’s weaknesses or bad habits might be, I will not let them cause me to sin with my lips.”

In the ultimate sense, your marriage has nothing to do with your spouse. It has everything to do with your relationship to Jesus Christ.

Above all trust God when the “whys” of life threaten to overwhelm you.

Always try to look at your spouse the way Jesus does.

Assuming goodwill can be revolutionary in relationships.

Just because you may feel unloved or disrespected does not mean your spouse is sending that message.

We fool ourselves into thinking the other person causes us to be the way we are. They really don’t! But if we lock into that idea, we become helpless, hopeless victims.

Unconditional respect is as powerful to him as unconditional love is to her.

When one of you makes a mistake, control any anger you may feel and trust God completely, no matter what happens.

When you come home after you have been apart, the first few moments of reconnecting will set the tone for the rest of the evening.

Be friendly. Be friendly. Be friendly. Watch what happens.

Just because you’re offended doesn’t mean the other person is offensive.

Your marriage is a test of your devotion to Christ.

You can be right but wrong at the top of your voice.

Your marriage is really a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and reverence for your Lord.

How we react to a situation reveals more about us than about the other person.

Marriage is a tool and a test to allow God’s will to be revealed in our lives.

“Living happily ever after” means knowing how to deal with the imperfect parts of life.

Stay the course regardless of the child’s respect and obedience. This is the Family Rewarded Cycle: a parents love unto Christ regardless of the child.

When confronting your spouse, attack the behavior, not the person.

Parenting is a faith venture. As we parent “unto Christ” we reap God’s reward, “knowing that whatever good anyone does, he will receive the same from the Lord” (Eph. 6:8 NKJV)

Clarifying is what you do before you step on your mate’s air hose and deflate his or her spirit. For example, you are having a typical conversation, but you can tell there is a misunderstanding. One of you isn’t being clear or isn’t hearing correctly. Then and there you clarify the misunderstanding before your spouse’s spirit deflates. You lovingly or respectfully clarify matters so that your spouse will not feel unloved or disrespected. The reason you take pains to clarify a seemingly small matter is to prevent the situation from becoming a love and respect issue that needs decoding. Clarifying is what you do to stay off the Crazy Cycle and keep positive, energetic feelings flowing between the two of you, to keep yourselves on the Energizing Cycle.

To not forgive is to shoot yourself in the foot and put extra gas in the Crazy Cycle.

Share what God is saying to your heart, not what you think He needs to say to your mate.

Words of Love and Respect must include thankfulness spoken to or about your spouse; don’t fixate on weaknesses and faults.

Never give up. If you want to have a strong marriage, you need to accept temporary setbacks as part of the game.

As a husband, if you can grasp that you don’t always have to solve your wife’s problems, you will take a giant step toward showing her empathy and understanding.

If a husband is commanded to agape- love his wife, then she truly needs love.

As mature men, we need to take leadership and put this out on the table. We must acknowledge our feelings- we need to feel respected. However, as we do this we must acknowledge our wife’s feelings- she needs to feel loved!

Let the Lord change you, but don’t try to change each other.

It is crucial for a husband and wife to see that neither one is wrong, but both of them are very different--in body function, outlook and perspective.

Accentuate the positive and eliminate the negative with lots of love and respect in between.

Assume goodwill about the person you are in conflict with.

Truth will carry its own weight if delivered respectfully and lovingly.

Holding back your love or respect will just keep the Crazy Cycle spinning away, but being mature and making the first move could slow it down.

Whether visiting a prison, feeding the hungry, giving the thirsty a drink or speaking a word of love or respect, everything is to be done to and for Christ.

When evil comes at you, you’re the one who makes the choice of whether or not it is going to go into you.

His love blesses regardless of her respect; her respect blesses regardless of his love.

Men are solution oriented, they love to solve problems. They want to be helpful.

Marriage is a test of how you unconditionally love and respect your spouse as you obey, honor, and please the Lord.

The Crazy Cycle is, indeed “the evil of folly and the foolishness of madness” (Ecclesiastes 7:25)

Ladies, be careful. “A nagging wife goes on and on like the drip, drip, drip of the rain” (Proverbs 19:13).

A parent needs to feel respected, especially during conflicts...A child need to feel loved, especially during disputes.

A man has a natural, inborn desire to go out and “conquer” the challenges of his world – to work and achieve.

Will we decide how we see God based on our circumstances, or will we see our circumstances in light of how we view God?

You can experience hurt, but it is your choice to hate.

You cannot use unholy means to achieve a worthy end.

Our research shows that couples who pray together are more apt to reap all kinds of benefits, including better and more frequent communication, going on “dates” more frequently and having sex more frequently.

Do you understand that God feels compassion for you, no matter what you have done or what your circumstances may be?

A woman needs love like she needs air to breathe. A man needs respect like he needs air to breathe.

[Women], your self-love cannot be derived from your husband’s love. It can affect it, but it does not determine it.

Both Judas and Peter denied Jesus Christ, but there is a huge difference between a Judas and a Peter.

When your wife comes to talk to you, listen to her. Realize she is coming to you because you matter more to her than anyone else. She has certain emotional needs and only you can meet them. Sometimes she may say things that don’t make sense to you and she is apt to misspeak and exaggerate when she is upset, but don’t put her down. Instead, listen to her heart. Give her a chance to express her concerns and, as she does so, don’t try to fix her. Don’t give her your solutions unless she asks for them.

If you want your wife to express appreciation for your attempts to be loving, you must use thankful words when she tries to speak or act respectfully.

Your hunger for God can create an appetite in your children.