The Illumination Project Journal (10 Pack)

When you look to God and His Word as your ultimate source of significance and security, you don’t demand that your spouse take that role in your life. And as you draw strength from the Lord individually, He draws you closer together as a couple.

When others do not respond to our communication, we need to look first at our communication style. Is the other person incapable of hearing what we have to say? Or are we abrupt, brusque, and curt?

Troubles over sex and money do not cause a marriage to go under. The lack of love and respect during conflict cause the marriage to go under.

God is not trying to trick you or mess with you. Trust that He wants to reveal Himself to you just as much as He wants to reveal Himself to the world.

Unconditional love or respect is never wasted. Hang onto this promise: “Let us not lose heart in doing good, for in due time we will reap if we do not grow weary” (Galatians 6:9).

When the wife flatly says her husband will have to earn her respect before she gives him any, she leaves the husband in a lose-lose situation. Now he is responsible for both love and respect in the relationship. He must unconditionally love his wife and earn her respect.

Accentuate the positive and eliminate the negative with lots of love and respect in between.

If husbands and wives are to understand the Love and Respect Connection, they must realize that they communicate in code. And the problem is, they don’t know how to decipher the messages they send to one another.

Holding back your love or respect will just keep the Crazy Cycle spinning away, but being mature and making the first move could slow it down.

Words of wisdom for all husbands and wives are these: We easily see what is done to us before we see what we are doing to our mate.

Do you bow to the influence of Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?

A parent needs to feel respected, especially during conflicts...A child need to feel loved, especially during disputes.

A man has a natural, inborn desire to go out and “conquer” the challenges of his world – to work and achieve.

[Women], your self-love cannot be derived from your husband’s love. It can affect it, but it does not determine it.

When a wife feels unloved, it can be such a shock to her heart that she is oblivious to her disrespectful reactions toward her husband, though any man watching could see it plainly.

No one can really practice Love and Respect unless he or she does it as unto Jesus Christ.

We can all have moments of anger, but this does not mean we have to lose control and sin.

Do you understand that God feels compassion for you, no matter what you have done or what your circumstances may be?

I had often asked God to compensate for my mistakes, but in return had I thought He would give me perfect children?

Husbands, even Jesus Himself was asked by a woman, “Do you not care?” (Luke 10:40) When your wife accuses you of not caring, decode her deeper meaning.

We get on the Crazy Cycle because without love a wife reacts without respect, and without respect a husband reacts without love.

Here is the secret to marriage that every couple seeks and yet few find: Unconditional respect is as powerful for him as unconditional love is for her. It’s the secret that will help you achieve a brand new level of intimacy.

Marriage is a test of how you unconditionally love and respect your spouse as you obey, honor, and please the Lord.

Unconditional respect is as powerful to him as unconditional love is to her.

When you come home after you have been apart, the first few moments of reconnecting will set the tone for the rest of the evening.

We send each other messages in “code” based on gender, even though we don’t intend to. What I say is not what you hear, and what you think you heard is not what I meant at all.

Be friendly. Be friendly. Be friendly. Watch what happens.

When parents genuinely trust and follow the Lord and His ways, their faith spills over onto the children.

God is good and wants what is best for us.

Being friendly to her man is one of the most effective things a woman can do to strengthen her marriage.

Let the Lord change you, but don’t try to change each other.

She’ll feel at peace with you when you let her vent your frustrations and hurts and don’t get angry and close her off.

Research and experience prove that men and women see and hear differently. Recognizing these differences and adjusting to them is absolutely necessary for reaching mutual understanding and better communication.

In the ultimate sense you marriage has nothing to do with your spouse. It has everything to do with your relationship with Jesus Christ.

We easily see what is done to us before we see what we are doing to our mate.

Negative actions rarely produce positive results.

Don’t conclude that your spouse is wrong when he/she is seeking to do the right and righteous thing.

Before hitting send, ask yourself, "Have I listened carefully and understand the exact issue on the table?"

Love and Respect is a faith venture, not a formula.

There is a discrepancy between who we want to be and see ourselves to be and how we actually sound in voice and writing. But with self-reflection and honesty, we can turn the corner and improve our communication. We need only evaluate what we are about to communicate.

Always try to look at your spouse the way Jesus does.

God’s commands are there to help us, not to hinder us or hold us back as male and female.

You may believe that the careless, unloving or disrespectful words you speak are because your spouse is causing you to speak this way, but Jesus says that it is coming out of your heart.

Your husband knows you value his friendship when you tell him you like him and you show it (he knows you love him, but he often wonders if you really like him).

Although the Crazy Cycle is not what God intends for any marriage, all couples get on it at times from one degree to another.

Our research shows that couples who pray together are more apt to reap all kinds of benefits, including better and more frequent communication, going on “dates” more frequently and having sex more frequently.

If a husband is commanded to agape- love his wife, then she truly needs love.

We have different vulnerabilities. We can pass judgment on one another all day long or we can say God made us different and that’s ok.

Assume goodwill about the person you are in conflict with.

“Respect is a man’s deepest value. I have had numerous men tell me, ‘I would rather live with a wife who respected me but did not love me than live with a wife who loved me but did not respect me.’ These men are not saying that they are indifferent to love. They know they need love, but they need to feel respected even more than they need to feel loved.“

When you look to God and His Word as your ultimate source of significance and security, you don’t demand that your spouse take that role in your life. And as you draw strength from the Lord individually, He draws you closer together as a couple.

The Love and Respect message is not about a husband earning his wife’s respect by being more loving any more than it is about a wife earning her husband’s love by being more respectful. Always love or respect is given unconditionally according to God’s commands.

Thank the Lord for all the trouble-free moments in which you and your spouse enjoy Him, each other, your family, your ministry and life as a whole. Ask Him for the strength to accept your measure of trouble, and the wisdom to deal with the annoyances and irritations by loving and respecting each other with new commitment. (You may also want to pray about troubles at work, at church, with the children…) “But those who marry will have trouble in this life” (1 Corinthians 7:28)

“You can be right, but wrong at the top of your voice.”

You speak lovingly or respectfully no matter how your spouse may speak to you in return. Your spouse is not the reason--good or bad--why you speak unconditional words of love or respect. God is the reason, and as you depend on Him, you will become increasingly able to speak lovingly and respectfully to your spouse.

We have discovered that as women motivate their man God’s way, men are energized to love them better. It doesn’t matter if your marriage is good or seems like there is no hope. We have seen God move in powerful ways even when things looked hopeless.

God is not pink. God is not blue. God is purple. When two become one, they have the potential of displaying God’s attributes and character.

His love blesses regardless of her respect; her respect blesses regardless of his love.

It is hard to be negative while being thankful.

Be a part of the solution, not part of the problem.

If you want your husband to express appreciation for your attempts to be respectful, you must speak thankfully when he tries to be loving.

The Crazy Cycle is, indeed, “the evil of folly and the foolishness of madness” (Ecclesiastes 7:25).

The mature one in the marriage seldom moves second.

Fight like a loving man and a respectful woman. Fight fair.

Focus on the positive in the midst of the negative, and the Energizing Cycle will keep right on humming.

When a husband feels disrespected, he has a natural tendency to react in ways that feel unloving to his wife. (Perhaps the command to love was given to him precisely for this reason!) When a wife feels unloved, she has a natural tendency to react in ways that feel disrespectful to her husband. (Perhaps the command to respect was given to her precisely for this reason!)

A marriage relationship will be energized when couples learn how to motivate each other God’s way.

There is a plan to parent God’s way, even when our children may seek to go their own way at time. The secret is to follow this plan regardless. When you do, I believe you succeed in His eyes.

Your spouse may meet many of your needs, but your deepest dependency should be on your Lord.

When evil comes at you, you’re the one who makes the choice of whether or not it is going to go into you.

Often the apparent issue isn’t the real issue; the real issue is always a matter of love or respect.

Do not live by the standards of Hollywood; trust what God says in His Holy Word.

When you’re truly Christ-centered, instead of child-centered, you will be a more effective parent in the long run.

Self-interest should never come ahead of your spouse’s interests.

We must bring our identity in Christ to our parenting—we must not derive our identity from our children.

Do you believe that there is a God who really loves you and wants to help you?

When you play the blame game your marriage never wins.

Thank God for joining you together and for allowing you to trust Him to help you, whatever the issue. God is there for you and expects you to look to Him to keep you together as a team, so ask Him for His help in the smallest of concerns. “So they are no longer two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate.” (Matthew 19:6)

When a husband chooses to do or say something loving, and that includes saying, ‘I’m sorry for coming across in an unloving way,’ he energizes his wife. When a wife decides to express herself respectfully, and that includes apologizing for her disrespectful attitude, she energizes her husband.

Money squabbles don’t undermine love and respect; they simply reveal unloving and disrespectful attitudes, which are the real reason why a marriage can start to wobble on the Crazy Cycle.

Words of love from a husband are like good medicine that brings life to the marriage.

Marital researchers agree that a huge percentage of communication problems between husband and wife are due not to what is said but to how it is said – the attitude and tone of voice.

When you relinquish an offense, you need to send that offense somewhere. So follow Jesus’ example and release it to your heavenly Father.

Feeling unloved, a wife gets defensive and acts offensively without respect. Feeling disrespected, a husband gets defensive and acts offensively without love.

[Husbands] as the church places her burdens on Christ, so a woman needs to place her burdens on her husband. When she shares with you, don’t assume she is asking you to solve the problem. Ask your wife, “Do you want a solution or a listening ear?”

God rewards your obedience to love and respect, even if your spouse does not respond!

No matter how difficult your spouse may be at the moment, your spouse does not have control over your reaction; you do. You may be experiencing disappointment, frustration or anger, but you always have a choice. A wife can choose to be disrespectful or respectful. A husband can choose to be unloving or loving.

To stay the course in speaking words of Love and Respect, keep your heart in Scripture, trusting in and talking about His promises to help you.

Your spouse can affect you, but your spouse does not control you.

Your position in Christ is what counts, not your less-than-perfect performance.

When a wife insists that her husband earn her respect, she puts him in a lose-lose situation.

Whether visiting a prison, feeding the hungry, giving the thirsty a drink or speaking a word of love or respect, everything is to be done to and for Christ.

We are worth Jesus to the Father.

A wife has one driving need: to feel loved. When that need is met, she is happy. A husband has one driving need: to feel respected. When that need is met, he is happy. When either of these needs isn’t met, things get crazy with conflict.

The moment we cry to Him for help, He is already pleased. He gives us strength to love our children.

You must “ask God from the wealth of his glory to give you power through his Spirit to be strong in your inner selves.”

To get offended is easy, but to forgive is within your power as you walk in His steps.

When you possess a forgiving spirit, words of Love and Respect will flow authentically from your lips- and realize that the Lord Himself is listening to you at moments like these. He knows you are not powerless, but actually full of power that He has granted you.

Words of Love or Respect must uplift your spouse, edifying- never manipulating him or her.

Unconditional respect, like unconditional love, is all about how one sounds (tone of voice and word choice) and appears (facial expressions and physical actions).