The Illumination Project Journal (10 Pack)

Ladies, be careful. “A nagging wife goes on and on like the drip, drip, drip of the rain” (Proverbs 19:13).

Love and Respect is a faith venture, not a formula.

You cannot use unholy means to achieve a worthy end.

The more we are upset at something, the wiser it is to let twenty-four hours pass before responding.

You have to become proactive, rather than just trying to stop the reactive.

No one can really practice Love and Respect unless he or she does it as unto Jesus Christ.

Do not live by the standards of Hollywood; trust what God says in His Holy Word.

You can be right but wrong at the top of your voice.

When there is confusion, I try to refrain from attacking another for not listening carefully (which may not be the case). Instead, I take a run at communicating again, but more clearly.

[Husbands] do you realize the power of just holding your wife’s hand?

This is the Rewarded Cycle: His love blesses regardless of her respect and her respect blesses regardless of his love.

Above all trust God when the “whys” of life threaten to overwhelm you.

God rewards your obedience to love and respect, even if your spouse does not respond!

Do you understand that God feels compassion for you, no matter what you have done or what your circumstances may be?

Trust God when the “why’s” of life threaten to overwhelm you.

Don’t conclude that your spouse is wrong when he/she is seeking to do the right and righteous thing.

We send each other messages in “code” based on gender, even though we don’t intend to. What I say is not what you hear, and what you think you heard is not what I meant at all.

A strong woman of dignity puts on respect out of her love and reverence for Jesus Christ. She trusts that His word not only protects and empowers her, but also rewards her with incomprehensible eternal blessings.

Getting married reveals, usually sooner than later, an incontestable fact: your spouse cannot possibly meet all your needs and desires

Will we decide how we see God based on our circumstances, or will we see our circumstances in light of how we view God?

Your spouse may meet many of your needs, but your deepest dependency should be on your Lord.

Men are solution oriented, they love to solve problems. They want to be helpful.

Most marriages will succeed when obeying the command to Love and Respect.

To not forgive is to shoot yourself in the foot and put extra gas in the Crazy Cycle.

No matter how difficult your spouse may be at the moment, your spouse does not have control over your reaction; you do. You may be experiencing disappointment, frustration, or anger, but you always have a choice.

As you pray together, you will truly learn to love and respect together.

Unconditional respect means we confront their wrongdoings respectfully. We do not become uncivil because they are. Who they fail to be does not determine who we will be.

You must “ask God from the wealth of his glory to give you power through his Spirit to be strong in your inner selves.”

Assuming goodwill can be revolutionary in relationships.

One thing to remember in this culture is if we say something complimentary towards one gender, we aren’t saying something against the other.

Our trustworthiness rests on our truthfulness.

It’s true that women have intuition and that men should listen to them. It’s also true that women have blind spots and need the insight of their husbands.

The Lord made women (Pink) and men (Blue) with differences, and He expects us to recognize and deal with those differences in a loving and respectful way.

Your husband knows you value his friendship when you tell him you like him and you show it (he knows you love him, but he often wonders if you really like him).

“Living happily ever after” means knowing how to deal with the imperfect parts of life.

You both forgive for one simple but profound reason: because you know Christ has forgiven you!

Always try to look at your spouse the way Jesus does.

We have to step back as Christ followers and ask, “Do I have false expectations that my relationship should be romantic 99% of the time?”

Accidental sparks (unwise remarks) ignite and fuel a fire, and vroom goes the Crazy Cycle.

You’re the only person in the world who can meet your spouse’s deepest need for love and respect. After all, you alone are married to your spouse.

When confronting your spouse, attack the behavior, not the person.

Unconditional respect, like unconditional love, is all about how one sounds (tone of voice and word choice) and appears (facial expressions and physical actions).

Words of wisdom for all husbands and wives are these: We easily see what is done to us before we see what we are doing to our mate.

To build a lasting legacy, use proven wisdom that you glean from the Lord.

A woman needs love like she needs air to breathe. A man needs respect like he needs air to breathe.

Never give up. If you want to have a strong marriage, you need to accept temporary setbacks as part of the game.

When a wife asks, “Do you love me?” She is not trying to put her husband on the spot. She is simply looking for reassurance.

We blame people for the bad things we do, but take credit for the good things we do.

A man has a natural, inborn desire to go out and “conquer” the challenges of his world – to work and achieve.

We all need to wrestle with the spiritual truth that God is good. If you don’t believe God is good, you won’t trust His word. If you don’t trust His word, you will find excuses to ignore His commands.

When you’re truly Christ-centered, instead of child-centered, you will be a more effective parent in the long run.

You may believe that the careless, unloving or disrespectful words you speak are because your spouse is causing you to speak this way, but Jesus says that it is coming out of your heart.

It is so easy to draw wrong conclusions about a spouse’s character and motives due to an occasional flare-up or silly comment.

Respect for the husband is just as important as love for the wife.

It’s so easy to dismiss our spouse as childish because we don’t have the same vulnerabilities they do.

Don’t pressure yourself with perfection. We are going to fail. A righteous man falls 7 times but gets back up.

The difference between successful couples and unsuccessful couples is that successful ones keep getting up and dealing with the issues.

Although the Crazy Cycle is not what God intends for any marriage, all couples get on it at times from one degree to another.

The parent-child relationship is as easy, and as difficult, as love and respect.

Pink and Blue perceptions not only affect seeing, they affect hearing as well. Women hear with pink hearing aids and men hear with blue hearing aids. Even more important to understand as you and your spouse seek to gain better communication, you can hear the very same words, but each of you will hear different messages.

Your words reveal your heart.

Your marriage is a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and reverence for Jesus Christ. God is using your spouse to bring you an eternal reward.

We fool ourselves into thinking the other person causes us to be the way we are. They really don’t! But if we lock into that idea, we become helpless, hopeless victims.

He will feel appreciated when you disagree with him only in private and honor his authority in front of the kids.

When you relinquish an offense, you need to send that offense somewhere. So follow Jesus’ example and release it to your heavenly Father.

Thank God for joining you together and for allowing you to trust Him to help you, whatever the issue. God is there for you and expects you to look to Him to keep you together as a team, so ask Him for His help in the smallest of concerns. “So they are no longer two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate.” (Matthew 19:6)

Your marriage is a test of your devotion to Christ.

Christian maturity involves a lot of things, but surely it includes knowing how to process your anger.

There is a discrepancy between who we want to be and see ourselves to be and how we actually sound in voice and writing. But with self-reflection and honesty, we can turn the corner and improve our communication. We need only evaluate what we are about to communicate.

Words of love from a husband are like good medicine that brings life to the marriage.

Truth will carry its own weight if delivered respectfully and lovingly.

It is crucial for a husband and wife to see that neither one is wrong, but both of them are very different--in body function, outlook and perspective.

Thank the Lord for all the trouble-free moments in which you and your spouse enjoy Him, each other, your family, your ministry and life as a whole. Ask Him for the strength to accept your measure of trouble, and the wisdom to deal with the annoyances and irritations by loving and respecting each other with new commitment. (You may also want to pray about troubles at work, at church, with the children…) “But those who marry will have trouble in this life” (1 Corinthians 7:28)

The heart of my communication means the other person cannot get my heart to be unkind, unloving, or disrespectful. Instead, I have made a decision about who I will be independent of the other person. I won’t blame my unkindness on someone else.

In the ultimate sense you marriage has nothing to do with your spouse. It has everything to do with your relationship with Jesus Christ.

You can be right in the argument, but wrong in your approach.

To stay the course in speaking words of Love and Respect, keep your heart in Scripture, trusting in and talking about His promises to help you.

Do you bow to the influence of Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?

Your spouse can affect you, but your spouse does not control you.

We are worth Jesus to the Father.

[Women], your self-love cannot be derived from your husband’s love. It can affect it, but it does not determine it.

Your wife feels you are open with her when you discuss financial concerns, possible job changes or ideas for your future.

At the very bottom of things, in every case and in every conversation, you can do your marriage a huge favor by assuming she is seeking to feel loved or he is seeking to feel respected and give your spouse some grace!

In the ultimate sense, your marriage has nothing to do with your spouse. It has everything to do with your relationship to Jesus Christ.

Whose voice are you listening to: Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?

Clarifying is what you do before you step on your mate’s air hose and deflate his or her spirit. For example, you are having a typical conversation, but you can tell there is a misunderstanding. One of you isn’t being clear or isn’t hearing correctly. Then and there you clarify the misunderstanding before your spouse’s spirit deflates. You lovingly or respectfully clarify matters so that your spouse will not feel unloved or disrespected. The reason you take pains to clarify a seemingly small matter is to prevent the situation from becoming a love and respect issue that needs decoding. Clarifying is what you do to stay off the Crazy Cycle and keep positive, energetic feelings flowing between the two of you, to keep yourselves on the Energizing Cycle.

Clearly, in the marriage, in the family and in the household, when you speak words of blessing, you are speaking to the Lord, and for this you will be rewarded.

When the wife flatly says her husband will have to earn her respect before she gives him any, she leaves the husband in a lose-lose situation. Now he is responsible for both love and respect in the relationship. He must unconditionally love his wife and earn her respect.

Mutual submission is the only way to live fairly together with mutual authority.

[Husbands] the most powerful weapons you have are your ears. Just listen to your wife, and she is much more likely to feel understood.

God is not trying to trick you or mess with you. Trust that He wants to reveal Himself to you just as much as He wants to reveal Himself to the world.

God’s commands are there to help us, not to hinder us or hold us back as male and female.

Always see your mate as an ally. Feedback is of little use if you see your spouse as an enemy. Giving and receiving constructive feedback is based on feelings of goodwill in both partners. Both of you need to remember that, even if you don’t always agree and even if you become irritated or angry, you are friends, and neither of you means to hurt the other.

Marital researchers agree that a huge percentage of communication problems between husband and wife are due not to what is said but to how it is said – the attitude and tone of voice.

When Jesus said “turn the other cheek,” He wasn’t saying to be passive wimps. He was teaching that physically people can control you but if you turn and give the other cheek, suddenly you’re in control and you’re making the choices.

Fight like a loving man and a respectful woman. Fight fair.

Accentuate the positive and eliminate the negative with lots of love and respect in between.

Good intentions do not always produce good words or outcomes.

Mistakes can’t be undone, but they can be forgiven.

I had often asked God to compensate for my mistakes, but in return had I thought He would give me perfect children?