The Illumination Project Journal (10 Pack)

Parenting is a faith venture. As we parent “unto Christ” we reap God’s reward, “knowing that whatever good anyone does, he will receive the same from the Lord” (Eph. 6:8 NKJV)

Refuse to let evil turn you into a contemptuous and hateful person.

We easily see what is done to us before we see what we are doing to our mate.

[Husbands] the most powerful weapons you have are your ears. Just listen to your wife, and she is much more likely to feel understood.

Always remember that Pink and Blue have different wiring, different preferences. Assume your spouse has goodwill toward you, no matter what. Both of you can be right, while being different.

Just because you’re offended doesn’t mean the other person is offensive.

We can communicate the truth in the best of manners, but the person may be so insecure he or she can only react and attack like a wounded bear.

When you love or respect unconditionally regardless of the outcome, you are following God and His will for you.

If a husband is commanded to agape- love his wife, then she truly needs love.

When we feel crippling discouragement by the sinful choices and outcomes of our kids, we must not let this permanently deter us from parenting God’s way.

Your marriage is a test of your devotion to Christ.

It’s true that women have intuition and that men should listen to them. It’s also true that women have blind spots and need the insight of their husbands.

Unconditional respect is as powerful to him as unconditional love is to her.

As mature men, we need to take leadership and put this out on the table. We must acknowledge our feelings- we need to feel respected. However, as we do this we must acknowledge our wife’s feelings- she needs to feel loved!

A most significant point of this book is this: If what we think is true, kind, necessary, and clear, we need to have the courage to hit send. This isn’t about refraining from speaking; this is about speaking.

Words of Love or Respect must uplift your spouse, edifying- never manipulating him or her.

Recognize your different gifts--how each of you (Pink and Blue) functions according to God’s perfect design.

Will we decide how we see God based on our circumstances, or will we see our circumstances in light of how we view God?

Fight like a loving man and a respectful woman. Fight fair.

To stay the course in speaking words of Love and Respect, keep your heart in Scripture, trusting in and talking about His promises to help you.

No one can really practice Love and Respect unless he or she does it as unto Jesus Christ.

Words of love from a husband are like good medicine that brings life to the marriage.

A woman needs love like she needs air to breathe. A man needs respect like he needs air to breathe.

It is hard to be negative while being thankful.

If you want your wife to express appreciation for your attempts to be loving, you must use thankful words when she tries to speak or act respectfully.

She’ll feel at peace with you when you let her vent your frustrations and hurts and don’t get angry and close her off.

You’re the only person in the world who can meet your spouse’s deepest need for love and respect. After all, you alone are married to your spouse.

I had often asked God to compensate for my mistakes, but in return had I thought He would give me perfect children?

We might say that every negative action in the family has an equal and opposite negative reaction.

When a wife insists that her husband earn her respect, she puts him in a lose-lose situation.

Marriage is a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and your reverence for Jesus Christ.

Can you begin to trust that God feels love for you even when you don’t feel that love?

A husband may deserve contempt, but that doesn’t win him any more than harshness and anger wins the heart of a woman.

Though the end can be worthy (to be loved and respected), when each uses unholy means (unloving and disrespectful words and actions), it will not achieve those ends. We must treat others as we expect them to treat us. To deny this makes us arrogant or fools, or both.

If a husband chooses to be a peacemaker--taking the needs and concerns of his wife totally into account during any kind of argument or conflict--his wife will be motivated in turn to respond to his authority during stalemates.

Let the Lord change you, but don’t try to change each other.

Unconditional love or respect is never wasted. Hang onto this promise: “Let us not lose heart in doing good, for in due time we will reap if we do not grow weary” (Galatians 6:9).

If you want your husband to express appreciation for your attempts to be respectful, you must speak thankfully when he tries to be loving.

[Husbands] as the church places her burdens on Christ, so a woman needs to place her burdens on her husband. When she shares with you, don’t assume she is asking you to solve the problem. Ask your wife, “Do you want a solution or a listening ear?”

A parent needs to feel respected, especially during conflicts...A child need to feel loved, especially during disputes.

There is a plan to parent God’s way, even when our children may seek to go their own way at time. The secret is to follow this plan regardless. When you do, I believe you succeed in His eyes.

Always try to look at your spouse the way Jesus does.

Women give a report to build rapport. Men bond through shoulder-to-shoulder activities without talking.

God is not trying to trick you or mess with you. Trust that He wants to reveal Himself to you just as much as He wants to reveal Himself to the world.

If a husband loves his wife as he should, she will feel honored and respected. If a wife respects her husband as she should, he will feel loved and appreciated. It’s a win-win.

Troubles over sex and money do not cause a marriage to go under. The lack of love and respect during conflict cause the marriage to go under.

Do you seek to understand or only to be understood?

You speak lovingly or respectfully no matter how your spouse may speak to you in return. Your spouse is not the reason--good or bad--why you speak unconditional words of love or respect. God is the reason, and as you depend on Him, you will become increasingly able to speak lovingly and respectfully to your spouse.

You have to become proactive, rather than just trying to stop the reactive.

Unconditional respect, like unconditional love, is all about how one sounds (tone of voice and word choice) and appears (facial expressions and physical actions).

We have different vulnerabilities. We can pass judgment on one another all day long or we can say God made us different and that’s ok.

To not forgive is to shoot yourself in the foot and put extra gas in the Crazy Cycle.

Research and experience prove that men and women see and hear differently. Recognizing these differences and adjusting to them is absolutely necessary for reaching mutual understanding and better communication.

Husbands, even Jesus Himself was asked by a woman, “Do you not care?” (Luke 10:40) When your wife accuses you of not caring, decode her deeper meaning.

We can all have moments of anger, but this does not mean we have to lose control and sin.

God is good and wants what is best for us.

When sorting out how to slow down the Crazy Cycle, it helps to remember that men are commanded to love because they don’t love naturally, and on the other side, women are commanded to respect because they don’t respect naturally.

Thank the Lord for the goodwill each of you has toward the other. Ask Him for strength to give each other the benefit of the doubt during moments when someone’s goodwill seems to be lacking. “He who seeks good finds goodwill, but evil comes to him who searches for it.” (Proverbs 11:27)

“Living happily ever after” means knowing how to deal with the imperfect parts of life.

Ladies, be careful. “A nagging wife goes on and on like the drip, drip, drip of the rain” (Proverbs 19:13).

Be quick to listen and understand and you have a much better chance of being understood.

Clarifying is what you do before you step on your mate’s air hose and deflate his or her spirit. For example, you are having a typical conversation, but you can tell there is a misunderstanding. One of you isn’t being clear or isn’t hearing correctly. Then and there you clarify the misunderstanding before your spouse’s spirit deflates. You lovingly or respectfully clarify matters so that your spouse will not feel unloved or disrespected. The reason you take pains to clarify a seemingly small matter is to prevent the situation from becoming a love and respect issue that needs decoding. Clarifying is what you do to stay off the Crazy Cycle and keep positive, energetic feelings flowing between the two of you, to keep yourselves on the Energizing Cycle.

When you play the blame game your marriage never wins.

Respect for the husband is just as important as love for the wife.

Good intentions do not always produce good words or outcomes.

Mutual submission is the only way to live fairly together with mutual authority.

Thank the Lord that in the very beginning He created them male and female – Blue and Pink. Ask Him for patience and ever-growing understanding of how men and women see and hear differently. “He created them male and female, and He blessed them.” (Genesis 5:2)

Trust God when the “why’s” of life threaten to overwhelm you.

Your marriage is a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and reverence for Jesus Christ. God is using your spouse to bring you an eternal reward.

We fool ourselves into thinking the other person causes us to be the way we are. They really don’t! But if we lock into that idea, we become helpless, hopeless victims.

Being friendly to her man is one of the most effective things a woman can do to strengthen her marriage.

When a husband chooses to do or say something loving, and that includes saying, ‘I’m sorry for coming across in an unloving way,’ he energizes his wife. When a wife decides to express herself respectfully, and that includes apologizing for her disrespectful attitude, she energizes her husband.

Marriage is a test of how you unconditionally love and respect your spouse as you obey, honor, and please the Lord.

The Lord made women (Pink) and men (Blue) with differences, and He expects us to recognize and deal with those differences in a loving and respectful way.

When one of you makes a mistake, control any anger you may feel and trust God completely, no matter what happens.

Above all trust God when the “whys” of life threaten to overwhelm you.

In your marriage be the first to “seek peace and pursue it” (1 Peter 3:11)

I often stress that one of the greatest rewards any persevering spouse can have is being a good example and influence on the children in the family.

We send each other messages in “code” based on gender, even though we don’t intend to. What I say is not what you hear, and what you think you heard is not what I meant at all.

When you possess a forgiving spirit, words of Love and Respect will flow authentically from your lips- and realize that the Lord Himself is listening to you at moments like these. He knows you are not powerless, but actually full of power that He has granted you.

It’s crucial to communicate with the right tone of voice and the right expression on your face.

It is crucial for a husband and wife to see that neither one is wrong, but both of them are very different--in body function, outlook and perspective.

When a husband feels disrespected, he has a natural tendency to react in ways that feel unloving to his wife. (Perhaps the command to love was given to him precisely for this reason!) When a wife feels unloved, she has a natural tendency to react in ways that feel disrespectful to her husband. (Perhaps the command to respect was given to her precisely for this reason!)

His love motivates her respect. Her respect motivates his love.

We blame people for the bad things we do, but take credit for the good things we do.

Assume goodwill about the person you are in conflict with.

Feeling unloved, a wife gets defensive and acts offensively without respect. Feeling disrespected, a husband gets defensive and acts offensively without love.

Getting married reveals, usually sooner than later, an incontestable fact: your spouse cannot possibly meet all your needs and desires

You cannot use unholy means to achieve a worthy end.

One thing to remember in this culture is if we say something complimentary towards one gender, we aren’t saying something against the other.

If we subscribe to the belief that because we are equal we are the same, then we’re going to expect our spouse to respond the way we do.

Men are solution oriented, they love to solve problems. They want to be helpful.

The parent-child relationship is as easy, and as difficult, as love and respect.

We all need to wrestle with the spiritual truth that God is good. If you don’t believe God is good, you won’t trust His word. If you don’t trust His word, you will find excuses to ignore His commands.

Optimism or pessimism? It is always a choice, no matter what your natural temperament.

Your husband knows you value his friendship when you tell him you like him and you show it (he knows you love him, but he often wonders if you really like him).

The heart of my communication means the other person cannot get my heart to be unkind, unloving, or disrespectful. Instead, I have made a decision about who I will be independent of the other person. I won’t blame my unkindness on someone else.

How we react to a situation reveals more about us than about the other person.

Your spouse has a need that you don’t have. Are you going to say there is something seriously wrong with them or will you say “Viva la Difference”?

When we speak before we think, we widen the chances the other person(s) will be notably hurt, frustrated, confused, angry, fearful, or offended by something we’ve communicated.