The Illumination Project Journal (10 Pack)

The Lord made women (Pink) and men (Blue) with differences, and He expects us to recognize and deal with those differences in a loving and respectful way.

Both Judas and Peter denied Jesus Christ, but there is a huge difference between a Judas and a Peter.

[Husbands] do you realize the power of just holding your wife’s hand?

You’re the only person in the world who can meet your spouse’s deepest need for love and respect. After all, you alone are married to your spouse.

God rewards your obedience to love and respect, even if your spouse does not respond!

Ladies, be careful. “A nagging wife goes on and on like the drip, drip, drip of the rain” (Proverbs 19:13).

Respect for the husband is just as important as love for the wife.

Though the end can be worthy (to be loved and respected), when each uses unholy means (unloving and disrespectful words and actions), it will not achieve those ends. We must treat others as we expect them to treat us. To deny this makes us arrogant or fools, or both.

We must bring our identity in Christ to our parenting—we must not derive our identity from our children.

Clarifying is what you do before you step on your mate’s air hose and deflate his or her spirit. For example, you are having a typical conversation, but you can tell there is a misunderstanding. One of you isn’t being clear or isn’t hearing correctly. Then and there you clarify the misunderstanding before your spouse’s spirit deflates. You lovingly or respectfully clarify matters so that your spouse will not feel unloved or disrespected. The reason you take pains to clarify a seemingly small matter is to prevent the situation from becoming a love and respect issue that needs decoding. Clarifying is what you do to stay off the Crazy Cycle and keep positive, energetic feelings flowing between the two of you, to keep yourselves on the Energizing Cycle.

Always remember that Pink and Blue have different wiring, different preferences. Assume your spouse has goodwill toward you, no matter what. Both of you can be right, while being different.

Your marriage is a test of your devotion to Christ.

To not forgive is to shoot yourself in the foot and put extra gas in the Crazy Cycle.

Christian maturity involves a lot of things, but surely it includes knowing how to process your anger.

Accidental sparks (unwise remarks) ignite and fuel a fire, and vroom goes the Crazy Cycle.

Your spouse can have a need that you don’t have and that’s okay.

Every marriage includes trouble some of the time. Do not let the 20% leaven all the rest.

Be quick to listen and understand and you have a much better chance of being understood.

If a husband loves his wife as he should, she will feel honored and respected. If a wife respects her husband as she should, he will feel loved and appreciated. It’s a win-win.

Do you seek to understand or only to be understood?

You can be right but wrong at the top of your voice.

To stay the course in speaking words of Love and Respect, keep your heart in Scripture, trusting in and talking about His promises to help you.

Our trustworthiness rests on our truthfulness.

You speak lovingly or respectfully no matter how your spouse may speak to you in return. Your spouse is not the reason--good or bad--why you speak unconditional words of love or respect. God is the reason, and as you depend on Him, you will become increasingly able to speak lovingly and respectfully to your spouse.

Your wife feels you are open with her when you discuss financial concerns, possible job changes or ideas for your future.

When you look to God and His Word as your ultimate source of significance and security, you don’t demand that your spouse take that role in your life. And as you draw strength from the Lord individually, He draws you closer together as a couple.

Husbands, even Jesus Himself was asked by a woman, “Do you not care?” (Luke 10:40) When your wife accuses you of not caring, decode her deeper meaning.

The Crazy Cycle is, indeed “the evil of folly and the foolishness of madness” (Ecclesiastes 7:25)

Research and experience prove that men and women see and hear differently. Recognizing these differences and adjusting to them is absolutely necessary for reaching mutual understanding and better communication.

We are equal but we are not the same.

Often the apparent issue isn’t the real issue; the real issue is always a matter of love or respect.

Optimism or pessimism? It is always a choice, no matter what your natural temperament.

Thank God for joining you together and for allowing you to trust Him to help you, whatever the issue. God is there for you and expects you to look to Him to keep you together as a team, so ask Him for His help in the smallest of concerns. “So they are no longer two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate.” (Matthew 19:6)

The Crazy Cycle is, indeed, “the evil of folly and the foolishness of madness” (Ecclesiastes 7:25).

You have to become proactive, rather than just trying to stop the reactive.

The difference between successful couples and unsuccessful couples is that successful ones keep getting up and dealing with the issues.

When the wife flatly says her husband will have to earn her respect before she gives him any, she leaves the husband in a lose-lose situation. Now he is responsible for both love and respect in the relationship. He must unconditionally love his wife and earn her respect.

There is a discrepancy between who we want to be and see ourselves to be and how we actually sound in voice and writing. But with self-reflection and honesty, we can turn the corner and improve our communication. We need only evaluate what we are about to communicate.

You must “ask God from the wealth of his glory to give you power through his Spirit to be strong in your inner selves.”

You may believe that the careless, unloving or disrespectful words you speak are because your spouse is causing you to speak this way, but Jesus says that it is coming out of your heart.

No matter what your struggle- criticism, constant conflict, sex, money, parenting, harsh words- learning to communicate the Love and Respect way can help you make crucial changes and build the kind of relationship that God blesses.

His love blesses regardless of her respect; her respect blesses regardless of his love.

You cannot use unholy means to achieve a worthy end.

How we react to a situation reveals more about us than about the other person.

Husbands primarily want to hear ‘respect” talk during conflict. Wives primarily want to hear “love” talk during conflict.

Husbands, to energize your wife give her face-to-face time, allowing her to talk and share her feelings.

Wives, you never know: The way you handle this [conflict] might bring your husband not only back to you, but to God. Husbands, you never know: The way you handle this [conflict] might bring your wife not only back to you, but to God. (1 Corinthians 7:16)

We all need love and respect equally. But, during conflict our felt needs are as different as pink is from blue.

Do you believe that there is a God who really loves you and wants to help you?

You have two ears and one mouth; use them proportionately.

Being friendly to her man is one of the most effective things a woman can do to strengthen her marriage.

Unconditional respect, like unconditional love, is all about how one sounds (tone of voice and word choice) and appears (facial expressions and physical actions).

If a husband is commanded to agape- love his wife, then she truly needs love.

She’ll feel at peace with you when you let her vent your frustrations and hurts and don’t get angry and close her off.

When you possess a forgiving spirit, words of Love and Respect will flow authentically from your lips- and realize that the Lord Himself is listening to you at moments like these. He knows you are not powerless, but actually full of power that He has granted you.

Let the Lord change you, but don’t try to change each other.

The heart of my communication means the other person cannot get my heart to be unkind, unloving, or disrespectful. Instead, I have made a decision about who I will be independent of the other person. I won’t blame my unkindness on someone else.

Always see your mate as an ally. Feedback is of little use if you see your spouse as an enemy. Giving and receiving constructive feedback is based on feelings of goodwill in both partners. Both of you need to remember that, even if you don’t always agree and even if you become irritated or angry, you are friends, and neither of you means to hurt the other.

Do you give yourself grace and your spouse judgment?

When we speak before we think, we widen the chances the other person(s) will be notably hurt, frustrated, confused, angry, fearful, or offended by something we’ve communicated.

When a husband chooses to do or say something loving, and that includes saying, ‘I’m sorry for coming across in an unloving way,’ he energizes his wife. When a wife decides to express herself respectfully, and that includes apologizing for her disrespectful attitude, she energizes her husband.

In the ultimate sense you marriage has nothing to do with your spouse. It has everything to do with your relationship with Jesus Christ.

When you’re truly Christ-centered, instead of child-centered, you will be a more effective parent in the long run.

Each of you must focus on what God is calling you to do toward your spouse. Do not focus on what you think God is calling your spouse to do toward you.

Accentuate the positive and eliminate the negative with lots of love and respect in between.

Before hitting send, ask yourself, "Have I listened carefully and understand the exact issue on the table?"

As a wife, if you can start to understand how important your husband’s work is to him, you will take a giant step toward communicating respect and honor, two things that he values even more than your love.

Refuse to let evil turn you into a contemptuous and hateful person.

We get on the Crazy Cycle because without love a wife reacts without respect, and without respect a husband reacts without love.

One thing to remember in this culture is if we say something complimentary towards one gender, we aren’t saying something against the other.

The moment we cry to Him for help, He is already pleased. He gives us strength to love our children.

When a husband feels disrespected, it is especially hard to love his wife. When a wife feels unloved, it is especially hard to respect her husband.

Life is too short to fuss and fret over trivial irritations.

You must distinguish between “I can’t” and “I won’t.”

It’s crucial to communicate with the right tone of voice and the right expression on your face.

“You can be right, but wrong at the top of your voice.”

Men are solution oriented, they love to solve problems. They want to be helpful.

Trusting and obeying God’s Word because we love and reverence God never, ever makes us a hypocrite! When the alarm goes off in the morning, we get up, even when we don’t feel like it getting up. Because we do what we don’t feel like doing, does that make us hypocrites? No, it’s a sign we are responsible people. Showing respectful behavior when we don’t “feel respectful” is evidence of maturity.

Most marriages will succeed when obeying the command to Love and Respect.

Troubles over sex and money do not cause a marriage to go under. The lack of love and respect during conflict cause the marriage to go under.

We have to step back as Christ followers and ask, “Do I have false expectations that my relationship should be romantic 99% of the time?”

Being a person who communicates what is true frequently demands tact, and at times it can feel like sidestepping land mines. It takes work to be both truthful and tactful.

A marriage relationship will be energized when couples learn how to motivate each other God’s way.

Marriage is a tool and a test to allow God’s will to be revealed in our lives.

You both forgive for one simple but profound reason: because you know Christ has forgiven you!

It is crucial for a husband and wife to see that neither one is wrong, but both of them are very different--in body function, outlook and perspective.

Your spouse may meet many of your needs, but your deepest dependency should be on your Lord.

Money squabbles don’t undermine love and respect; they simply reveal unloving and disrespectful attitudes, which are the real reason why a marriage can start to wobble on the Crazy Cycle.

We send each other messages in “code” based on gender, even though we don’t intend to. What I say is not what you hear, and what you think you heard is not what I meant at all.

This is the Rewarded Cycle: His love blesses regardless of her respect and her respect blesses regardless of his love.

Words of wisdom for all husbands and wives are these: We easily see what is done to us before we see what we are doing to our mate.

If you want your husband to express appreciation for your attempts to be respectful, you must speak thankfully when he tries to be loving.

The key to motivating another person is meeting their deepest need, especially during conflict.

When others do not respond to our communication, we need to look first at our communication style. Is the other person incapable of hearing what we have to say? Or are we abrupt, brusque, and curt?

When you love or respect unconditionally regardless of the outcome, you are following God and His will for you.

Love and Respect is a faith venture, not a formula.

“Respect is a man’s deepest value. I have had numerous men tell me, ‘I would rather live with a wife who respected me but did not love me than live with a wife who loved me but did not respect me.’ These men are not saying that they are indifferent to love. They know they need love, but they need to feel respected even more than they need to feel loved.“

There is a plan to parent God’s way, even when our children may seek to go their own way at time. The secret is to follow this plan regardless. When you do, I believe you succeed in His eyes.

Your words reveal your heart.

To build a lasting legacy, use proven wisdom that you glean from the Lord.