The Illumination Project Journal (10 Pack)

You must “ask God from the wealth of his glory to give you power through his Spirit to be strong in your inner selves.”

Often the apparent issue isn’t the real issue; the real issue is always a matter of love or respect.

When a husband chooses to do or say something loving, and that includes saying, ‘I’m sorry for coming across in an unloving way,’ he energizes his wife. When a wife decides to express herself respectfully, and that includes apologizing for her disrespectful attitude, she energizes her husband.

Your husband knows you value his friendship when you tell him you like him and you show it (he knows you love him, but he often wonders if you really like him).

It’s true that women have intuition and that men should listen to them. It’s also true that women have blind spots and need the insight of their husbands.

If a husband loves his wife as he should, she will feel honored and respected. If a wife respects her husband as she should, he will feel loved and appreciated. It’s a win-win.

When a wife asks, “Do you love me?” She is not trying to put her husband on the spot. She is simply looking for reassurance.

Getting married reveals, usually sooner than later, an incontestable fact: your spouse cannot possibly meet all your needs and desires

His love blesses regardless of her respect; her respect blesses regardless of his love.

Above all trust God when the “whys” of life threaten to overwhelm you.

Your hunger for God can create an appetite in your children.

The more we are upset at something, the wiser it is to let twenty-four hours pass before responding.

Will we decide how we see God based on our circumstances, or will we see our circumstances in light of how we view God?

When you look to God and His Word as your ultimate source of significance and security, you don’t demand that your spouse take that role in your life. And as you draw strength from the Lord individually, He draws you closer together as a couple.

You cannot use unholy means to achieve a worthy end.

A major step toward a happy marriage is accepting differences and working them out with love and respect.

God is good and wants what is best for us.

Wives, you never know: The way you handle this [conflict] might bring your husband not only back to you, but to God. Husbands, you never know: The way you handle this [conflict] might bring your wife not only back to you, but to God. (1 Corinthians 7:16)

We get on the Crazy Cycle because without love a wife reacts without respect, and without respect a husband reacts without love.

You both forgive for one simple but profound reason: because you know Christ has forgiven you!

When you love or respect unconditionally regardless of the outcome, you are following God and His will for you.

We send each other messages in “code” based on gender, even though we don’t intend to. What I say is not what you hear, and what you think you heard is not what I meant at all.

Words of Love or Respect must uplift your spouse, edifying- never manipulating him or her.

Your spouse deserves the truth from you. Do your best to tell it with love and respect.

Your spouse may meet many of your needs, but your deepest dependency should be on your Lord.

Can you begin to trust that God feels love for you even when you don’t feel that love?

The difference between successful couples and unsuccessful couples is that successful ones keep getting up and dealing with the issues.

Your spouse can have a need that you don’t have and that’s okay.

A husband may deserve contempt, but that doesn’t win him any more than harshness and anger wins the heart of a woman.

Both Judas and Peter denied Jesus Christ, but there is a huge difference between a Judas and a Peter.

Whose voice are you listening to: Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?

When sorting out how to slow down the Crazy Cycle, it helps to remember that men are commanded to love because they don’t love naturally, and on the other side, women are commanded to respect because they don’t respect naturally.

We are worth Jesus to the Father.

Our research shows that couples who pray together are more apt to reap all kinds of benefits, including better and more frequent communication, going on “dates” more frequently and having sex more frequently.

As a husband, if you can grasp that you don’t always have to solve your wife’s problems, you will take a giant step toward showing her empathy and understanding.

Love and Respect is a faith venture, not a formula.

As a wife, if you can start to understand how important your husband’s work is to him, you will take a giant step toward communicating respect and honor, two things that he values even more than your love.

It’s so easy to dismiss our spouse as childish because we don’t have the same vulnerabilities they do.

Be a part of the solution, not part of the problem.

Thank God for joining you together and for allowing you to trust Him to help you, whatever the issue. God is there for you and expects you to look to Him to keep you together as a team, so ask Him for His help in the smallest of concerns. “So they are no longer two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate.” (Matthew 19:6)

Mutual submission is the only way to live fairly together with mutual authority.

Do you understand that God feels compassion for you, no matter what you have done or what your circumstances may be?

Words of wisdom for all husbands and wives are these: We easily see what is done to us before we see what we are doing to our mate.

When a husband feels disrespected, it is especially hard to love his wife. When a wife feels unloved, it is especially hard to respect her husband.

It is crucial for a husband and wife to see that neither one is wrong, but both of them are very different--in body function, outlook and perspective.

[Women], your self-love cannot be derived from your husband’s love. It can affect it, but it does not determine it.

Don’t pressure yourself with perfection. We are going to fail. A righteous man falls 7 times but gets back up.

When one of you makes a mistake, control any anger you may feel and trust God completely, no matter what happens.

You have to become proactive, rather than just trying to stop the reactive.

We are equal but we are not the same.

We are either going to give in the darkness or we are going to give into the darkness.

Do not live by the standards of Hollywood; trust what God says in His Holy Word.

This is the Rewarded Cycle: His love blesses regardless of her respect and her respect blesses regardless of his love.

His love motivates her respect. Her respect motivates his love.

We have to step back as Christ followers and ask, “Do I have false expectations that my relationship should be romantic 99% of the time?”

When confronting your spouse, attack the behavior, not the person.

Pink and Blue perceptions not only affect seeing, they affect hearing as well. Women hear with pink hearing aids and men hear with blue hearing aids. Even more important to understand as you and your spouse seek to gain better communication, you can hear the very same words, but each of you will hear different messages.

Trusting and obeying God’s Word because we love and reverence God never, ever makes us a hypocrite! When the alarm goes off in the morning, we get up, even when we don’t feel like it getting up. Because we do what we don’t feel like doing, does that make us hypocrites? No, it’s a sign we are responsible people. Showing respectful behavior when we don’t “feel respectful” is evidence of maturity.

Unconditional love or respect is never wasted. Hang onto this promise: “Let us not lose heart in doing good, for in due time we will reap if we do not grow weary” (Galatians 6:9).

When a husband chooses to come across lovingly even though he feels disrespected, he can prevent the Crazy Cycle from spinning and possibly getting out of control.

Be friendly. Be friendly. Be friendly. Watch what happens.

Mutual understanding, not communication, is the key to a healthy marriage relationship.

One thing to remember in this culture is if we say something complimentary towards one gender, we aren’t saying something against the other.

The mature one in the marriage seldom moves second.

Share what God is saying to your heart, not what you think He needs to say to your mate.

When the wife flatly says her husband will have to earn her respect before she gives him any, she leaves the husband in a lose-lose situation. Now he is responsible for both love and respect in the relationship. He must unconditionally love his wife and earn her respect.

Most marriages will succeed when obeying the command to Love and Respect.

Marital researchers agree that a huge percentage of communication problems between husband and wife are due not to what is said but to how it is said – the attitude and tone of voice.

[Husbands] as the church places her burdens on Christ, so a woman needs to place her burdens on her husband. When she shares with you, don’t assume she is asking you to solve the problem. Ask your wife, “Do you want a solution or a listening ear?”

You may believe that the careless, unloving or disrespectful words you speak are because your spouse is causing you to speak this way, but Jesus says that it is coming out of your heart.

The key to motivating another person is meeting their deepest need, especially during conflict.

Money squabbles don’t undermine love and respect; they simply reveal unloving and disrespectful attitudes, which are the real reason why a marriage can start to wobble on the Crazy Cycle.

Refuse to let evil turn you into a contemptuous and hateful person.

Your spouse has a need only you can fill.

The Love and Respect message is not about a husband earning his wife’s respect by being more loving any more than it is about a wife earning her husband’s love by being more respectful. Always love or respect is given unconditionally according to God’s commands.

There is a plan to parent God’s way, even when our children may seek to go their own way at time. The secret is to follow this plan regardless. When you do, I believe you succeed in His eyes.

The moment we cry to Him for help, He is already pleased. He gives us strength to love our children.

If husbands and wives are to understand the Love and Respect Connection, they must realize that they communicate in code. And the problem is, they don’t know how to decipher the messages they send to one another.

Negative actions rarely produce positive results.

No matter how difficult your spouse may be at the moment, your spouse does not have control over your reaction; you do. You may be experiencing disappointment, frustration or anger, but you always have a choice. A wife can choose to be disrespectful or respectful. A husband can choose to be unloving or loving.

It’s hard to realize that we would never act around our business associates the way we act around our spouse.

I often stress that one of the greatest rewards any persevering spouse can have is being a good example and influence on the children in the family.

If a husband chooses to be a peacemaker--taking the needs and concerns of his wife totally into account during any kind of argument or conflict--his wife will be motivated in turn to respond to his authority during stalemates.

We fool ourselves into thinking the other person causes us to be the way we are. They really don’t! But if we lock into that idea, we become helpless, hopeless victims.

As mature men, we need to take leadership and put this out on the table. We must acknowledge our feelings- we need to feel respected. However, as we do this we must acknowledge our wife’s feelings- she needs to feel loved!

You’re the only person in the world who can meet your spouse’s deepest need for love and respect. After all, you alone are married to your spouse.

Suppressing negative feelings is not loving, respectful or very wise. Speak up tactfully.

When you look to God and His Word as your ultimate source of significance and security, you don’t demand that your spouse take that role in your life. And as you draw strength from the Lord individually, He draws you closer together as a couple.

When you play the blame game your marriage never wins.

[Husbands] do you realize the power of just holding your wife’s hand?

She’s not wrong for not being male. He is not wrong for not being female. When you put pink and blue together, you get purple, the color of royalty; the color of God. Together, a husband and wife reflect God’s image.

Thank the Lord for all the trouble-free moments in which you and your spouse enjoy Him, each other, your family, your ministry and life as a whole. Ask Him for the strength to accept your measure of trouble, and the wisdom to deal with the annoyances and irritations by loving and respecting each other with new commitment. (You may also want to pray about troubles at work, at church, with the children…) “But those who marry will have trouble in this life” (1 Corinthians 7:28)

It’s crucial to communicate with the right tone of voice and the right expression on your face.

Troubles over sex and money do not cause a marriage to go under. The lack of love and respect during conflict cause the marriage to go under.

Always remember that Pink and Blue have different wiring, different preferences. Assume your spouse has goodwill toward you, no matter what. Both of you can be right, while being different.

The heart of my communication means the other person cannot get my heart to be unkind, unloving, or disrespectful. Instead, I have made a decision about who I will be independent of the other person. I won’t blame my unkindness on someone else.

Your marriage is a test of your devotion to Christ.

In the ultimate sense you marriage has nothing to do with your spouse. It has everything to do with your relationship with Jesus Christ.

You can experience hurt, but it is your choice to hate.

No matter how difficult your spouse may be at the moment, your spouse does not have control over your reaction; you do. You may be experiencing disappointment, frustration, or anger, but you always have a choice.