Motivating Your Man God’s Way: Applying One Word That Energizes Him to Love

Thank the Lord that in the very beginning He created them male and female – Blue and Pink. Ask Him for patience and ever-growing understanding of how men and women see and hear differently. “He created them male and female, and He blessed them.” (Genesis 5:2)

Words of love from a husband are like good medicine that brings life to the marriage.

One thing to remember in this culture is if we say something complimentary towards one gender, we aren’t saying something against the other.

Love and Respect is a faith venture, not a formula.

Life is too short to fuss and fret over trivial irritations.

Can you begin to trust that God feels love for you even when you don’t feel that love?

If a husband loves his wife as he should, she will feel honored and respected. If a wife respects her husband as she should, he will feel loved and appreciated. It’s a win-win.

Though the end can be worthy (to be loved and respected), when each uses unholy means (unloving and disrespectful words and actions), it will not achieve those ends. We must treat others as we expect them to treat us. To deny this makes us arrogant or fools, or both.

Mutual understanding, not communication, is the key to a healthy marriage relationship.

There is power and freedom that comes in understanding that no one can cause you to react in a certain way. It is your choice.

When you look to God and His Word as your ultimate source of significance and security, you don’t demand that your spouse take that role in your life. And as you draw strength from the Lord individually, He draws you closer together as a couple.

We have discovered that as women motivate their man God’s way, men are energized to love them better. It doesn’t matter if your marriage is good or seems like there is no hope. We have seen God move in powerful ways even when things looked hopeless.

A marriage relationship will be energized when couples learn how to motivate each other God’s way.

Never give up. If you want to have a strong marriage, you need to accept temporary setbacks as part of the game.

You have two ears and one mouth; use them proportionately.

So I encourage every husband and wife to commit to the Jesus Way of Talking. Instead of allowing the stress of the situation to control you, you can say to yourself, “Because I love the Lord and I know that He rewards every good word, I am going to be truthful even if my spouse is not. I will also be uplifting, forgiving, thankful and scriptural in my speech because my ultimate goal is to please the Lord. Whatever my spouse’s weaknesses or bad habits might be, I will not let them cause me to sin with my lips.”

When there is confusion, I try to refrain from attacking another for not listening carefully (which may not be the case). Instead, I take a run at communicating again, but more clearly.

Clarifying is what you do before you step on your mate’s air hose and deflate his or her spirit. For example, you are having a typical conversation, but you can tell there is a misunderstanding. One of you isn’t being clear or isn’t hearing correctly. Then and there you clarify the misunderstanding before your spouse’s spirit deflates. You lovingly or respectfully clarify matters so that your spouse will not feel unloved or disrespected. The reason you take pains to clarify a seemingly small matter is to prevent the situation from becoming a love and respect issue that needs decoding. Clarifying is what you do to stay off the Crazy Cycle and keep positive, energetic feelings flowing between the two of you, to keep yourselves on the Energizing Cycle.

Don’t label each other as bad because you differ on how you solve your troubles.

Do you seek to understand or only to be understood?

Getting married reveals, usually sooner than later, an incontestable fact: your spouse cannot possibly meet all your needs and desires

Let the Lord change you, but don’t try to change each other.

Your spouse may meet many of your needs, but your deepest dependency should be on your Lord.

Troubles over sex and money do not cause a marriage to go under. The lack of love and respect during conflict cause the marriage to go under.

If husbands and wives are to understand the Love and Respect Connection, they must realize that they communicate in code. And the problem is, they don’t know how to decipher the messages they send to one another.

Research and experience prove that men and women see and hear differently. Recognizing these differences and adjusting to them is absolutely necessary for reaching mutual understanding and better communication.

Recognize your different gifts--how each of you (Pink and Blue) functions according to God’s perfect design.

When sorting out how to slow down the Crazy Cycle, it helps to remember that men are commanded to love because they don’t love naturally, and on the other side, women are commanded to respect because they don’t respect naturally.

Truth will carry its own weight if delivered respectfully and lovingly.

The Crazy Cycle is, indeed, “the evil of folly and the foolishness of madness” (Ecclesiastes 7:25).

Wives, you never know: The way you handle this [conflict] might bring your husband not only back to you, but to God. Husbands, you never know: The way you handle this [conflict] might bring your wife not only back to you, but to God. (1 Corinthians 7:16)

Men are solution oriented, they love to solve problems. They want to be helpful.

Assume goodwill about the person you are in conflict with.

“Living happily ever after” means knowing how to deal with the imperfect parts of life.

Be quick to listen and understand and you have a much better chance of being understood.

Being a person who communicates what is true frequently demands tact, and at times it can feel like sidestepping land mines. It takes work to be both truthful and tactful.

Unconditional respect, like unconditional love, is all about how one sounds (tone of voice and word choice) and appears (facial expressions and physical actions).

God rewards your obedience to love and respect, even if your spouse does not respond!

The Lord made women (Pink) and men (Blue) with differences, and He expects us to recognize and deal with those differences in a loving and respectful way.

How we react to a situation reveals more about us than about the other person.

When a wife asks, “Do you love me?” She is not trying to put her husband on the spot. She is simply looking for reassurance.

“You can be right, but wrong at the top of your voice.”

Focus on the positive in the midst of the negative, and the Energizing Cycle will keep right on humming.

No matter how difficult your spouse may be at the moment, your spouse does not have control over your reaction; you do. You may be experiencing disappointment, frustration or anger, but you always have a choice. A wife can choose to be disrespectful or respectful. A husband can choose to be unloving or loving.

Suppressing negative feelings is not loving, respectful or very wise. Speak up tactfully.

When a husband chooses to do or say something loving, and that includes saying, ‘I’m sorry for coming across in an unloving way,’ he energizes his wife. When a wife decides to express herself respectfully, and that includes apologizing for her disrespectful attitude, she energizes her husband.

As a husband, if you can grasp that you don’t always have to solve your wife’s problems, you will take a giant step toward showing her empathy and understanding.

Be a part of the solution, not part of the problem.

“Respect is a man’s deepest value. I have had numerous men tell me, ‘I would rather live with a wife who respected me but did not love me than live with a wife who loved me but did not respect me.’ These men are not saying that they are indifferent to love. They know they need love, but they need to feel respected even more than they need to feel loved.“

You can experience hurt, but it is your choice to hate.

Do not live by the standards of Hollywood; trust what God says in His Holy Word.

When you relinquish an offense, you need to send that offense somewhere. So follow Jesus’ example and release it to your heavenly Father.

God is not pink. God is not blue. God is purple. When two become one, they have the potential of displaying God’s attributes and character.

As strong and powerful as marriage bonds can become, our deepest dependency must be on the Lord, not another human being.

You can be right in the argument, but wrong in your approach.

[Women], your self-love cannot be derived from your husband’s love. It can affect it, but it does not determine it.

When others do not respond to our communication, we need to look first at our communication style. Is the other person incapable of hearing what we have to say? Or are we abrupt, brusque, and curt?

When the wife flatly says her husband will have to earn her respect before she gives him any, she leaves the husband in a lose-lose situation. Now he is responsible for both love and respect in the relationship. He must unconditionally love his wife and earn her respect.

Will we decide how we see God based on our circumstances, or will we see our circumstances in light of how we view God?

In the ultimate sense, your marriage has nothing to do with your spouse. It has everything to do with your relationship to Jesus Christ.

Stay the course regardless of the child’s respect and obedience. This is the Family Rewarded Cycle: a parents love unto Christ regardless of the child.

God is good and wants what is best for us.

Trust God when the “why’s” of life threaten to overwhelm you.

You can be right but wrong at the top of your voice.

[Husbands] as the church places her burdens on Christ, so a woman needs to place her burdens on her husband. When she shares with you, don’t assume she is asking you to solve the problem. Ask your wife, “Do you want a solution or a listening ear?”

Your husband knows you appreciate his desire to protect and provide when you praise his commitment to provide for you. You empathize when he reveals his male mindset about position, status, or rank at work.

Trusting and obeying God’s Word because we love and reverence God never, ever makes us a hypocrite! When the alarm goes off in the morning, we get up, even when we don’t feel like it getting up. Because we do what we don’t feel like doing, does that make us hypocrites? No, it’s a sign we are responsible people. Showing respectful behavior when we don’t “feel respectful” is evidence of maturity.

Ladies, be careful. “A nagging wife goes on and on like the drip, drip, drip of the rain” (Proverbs 19:13).

When you play the blame game your marriage never wins.

Your hunger for God can create an appetite in your children.

We can all have moments of anger, but this does not mean we have to lose control and sin.

Do you give yourself grace and your spouse judgment?

Self-interest should never come ahead of your spouse’s interests.

Don’t pressure yourself with perfection. We are going to fail. A righteous man falls 7 times but gets back up.

Marriage is a tool and a test to allow God’s will to be revealed in our lives.

Your spouse has a need only you can fill.

With a better understanding of God’s promises, you will be on your way to a renewed mind and a changed life.

Most marriages will succeed when obeying the command to Love and Respect.

We send each other messages in “code” based on gender, even though we don’t intend to. What I say is not what you hear, and what you think you heard is not what I meant at all.

It’s true that women have intuition and that men should listen to them. It’s also true that women have blind spots and need the insight of their husbands.

Above all trust God when the “whys” of life threaten to overwhelm you.

Respect for the husband is just as important as love for the wife.

There is a plan to parent God’s way, even when our children may seek to go their own way at time. The secret is to follow this plan regardless. When you do, I believe you succeed in His eyes.

I often stress that one of the greatest rewards any persevering spouse can have is being a good example and influence on the children in the family.

Christian maturity involves a lot of things, but surely it includes knowing how to process your anger.

Husbands, even Jesus Himself was asked by a woman, “Do you not care?” (Luke 10:40) When your wife accuses you of not caring, decode her deeper meaning.

In the ultimate sense you marriage has nothing to do with your spouse. It has everything to do with your relationship with Jesus Christ.

This is the Rewarded Cycle: His love blesses regardless of her respect and her respect blesses regardless of his love.

The moment we cry to Him for help, He is already pleased. He gives us strength to love our children.

Could you be facing a crisis in faith more than a crisis in your marriage?

Whether visiting a prison, feeding the hungry, giving the thirsty a drink or speaking a word of love or respect, everything is to be done to and for Christ.

When you come home after you have been apart, the first few moments of reconnecting will set the tone for the rest of the evening.

Do you believe that there is a God who really loves you and wants to help you?

Thank the Lord for all the trouble-free moments in which you and your spouse enjoy Him, each other, your family, your ministry and life as a whole. Ask Him for the strength to accept your measure of trouble, and the wisdom to deal with the annoyances and irritations by loving and respecting each other with new commitment. (You may also want to pray about troubles at work, at church, with the children…) “But those who marry will have trouble in this life” (1 Corinthians 7:28)

The more we are upset at something, the wiser it is to let twenty-four hours pass before responding.

It is crucial for a husband and wife to see that neither one is wrong, but both of them are very different--in body function, outlook and perspective.

Avoid like the plague trying to punish each other as a means of “motivation.” Christ-followers instinctively know that this destroys any opportunity to act out of reverence for Christ. In all marital issues, love and reverence for Christ must be our primary motivation.

Each of you must focus on what God is calling you to do toward your spouse. Do not focus on what you think God is calling your spouse to do toward you.

[Husbands] the most powerful weapons you have are your ears. Just listen to your wife, and she is much more likely to feel understood.

Before hitting send, ask yourself, "Have I listened carefully and understand the exact issue on the table?"