Motivating Your Man God’s Way: Applying One Word That Energizes Him to Love

It is crucial for a husband and wife to see that neither one is wrong, but both of them are very different--in body function, outlook and perspective.

Being friendly to her man is one of the most effective things a woman can do to strengthen her marriage.

Your hunger for God can create an appetite in your children.

We have to step back as Christ followers and ask, “Do I have false expectations that my relationship should be romantic 99% of the time?”

There is a plan to parent God’s way, even when our children may seek to go their own way at time. The secret is to follow this plan regardless. When you do, I believe you succeed in His eyes.

Ladies, be careful. “A nagging wife goes on and on like the drip, drip, drip of the rain” (Proverbs 19:13).

The key to motivating another person is meeting their deepest need, especially during conflict.

Optimism or pessimism? It is always a choice, no matter what your natural temperament.

We send each other messages in “code” based on gender, even though we don’t intend to. What I say is not what you hear, and what you think you heard is not what I meant at all.

If we subscribe to the belief that because we are equal we are the same, then we’re going to expect our spouse to respond the way we do.

If a husband chooses to be a peacemaker--taking the needs and concerns of his wife totally into account during any kind of argument or conflict--his wife will be motivated in turn to respond to his authority during stalemates.

We fool ourselves into thinking the other person causes us to be the way we are. They really don’t! But if we lock into that idea, we become helpless, hopeless victims.

Thank the Lord that in the very beginning He created them male and female – Blue and Pink. Ask Him for patience and ever-growing understanding of how men and women see and hear differently. “He created them male and female, and He blessed them.” (Genesis 5:2)

Getting married reveals, usually sooner than later, an incontestable fact: your spouse cannot possibly meet all your needs and desires

Research and experience prove that men and women see and hear differently. Recognizing these differences and adjusting to them is absolutely necessary for reaching mutual understanding and better communication.

Just because you’re offended doesn’t mean the other person is offensive.

She’ll feel at peace with you when you let her vent your frustrations and hurts and don’t get angry and close her off.

Let the Lord change you, but don’t try to change each other.

God’s commands are there to help us, not to hinder us or hold us back as male and female.

A husband may deserve contempt, but that doesn’t win him any more than harshness and anger wins the heart of a woman.

Holding back your love or respect will just keep the Crazy Cycle spinning away, but being mature and making the first move could slow it down.

The parent-child relationship is as easy, and as difficult, as love and respect.

Your words reveal your heart.

You have to become proactive, rather than just trying to stop the reactive.

We get on the Crazy Cycle because without love a wife reacts without respect, and without respect a husband reacts without love.

Self-interest should never come ahead of your spouse’s interests.

Could you be facing a crisis in faith more than a crisis in your marriage?

We might say that every negative action in the family has an equal and opposite negative reaction.

Whether visiting a prison, feeding the hungry, giving the thirsty a drink or speaking a word of love or respect, everything is to be done to and for Christ.

Since it is easy to focus on the negative, focus on your mate’s good qualities and express thanks with positive words of Love or Respect.

Your spouse has a need that you don’t have. Are you going to say there is something seriously wrong with them or will you say “Viva la Difference”?

Do not live by the standards of Hollywood; trust what God says in His Holy Word.

Avoid like the plague trying to punish each other as a means of “motivation.” Christ-followers instinctively know that this destroys any opportunity to act out of reverence for Christ. In all marital issues, love and reverence for Christ must be our primary motivation.

One thing to remember in this culture is if we say something complimentary towards one gender, we aren’t saying something against the other.

The mature one in the marriage seldom moves second.

Always see your mate as an ally. Feedback is of little use if you see your spouse as an enemy. Giving and receiving constructive feedback is based on feelings of goodwill in both partners. Both of you need to remember that, even if you don’t always agree and even if you become irritated or angry, you are friends, and neither of you means to hurt the other.

A wife has one driving need: to feel loved. When that need is met, she is happy. A husband has one driving need: to feel respected. When that need is met, he is happy. When either of these needs isn’t met, things get crazy with conflict.

Love and Respect is a faith venture, not a formula.

You speak lovingly or respectfully no matter how your spouse may speak to you in return. Your spouse is not the reason--good or bad--why you speak unconditional words of love or respect. God is the reason, and as you depend on Him, you will become increasingly able to speak lovingly and respectfully to your spouse.

Each of you must focus on what God is calling you to do toward your spouse. Do not focus on what you think God is calling your spouse to do toward you.

There is power and freedom that comes in understanding that no one can cause you to react in a certain way. It is your choice.

When a husband feels disrespected, he has a natural tendency to react in ways that feel unloving to his wife. (Perhaps the command to love was given to him precisely for this reason!) When a wife feels unloved, she has a natural tendency to react in ways that feel disrespectful to her husband. (Perhaps the command to respect was given to her precisely for this reason!)

Share what God is saying to your heart, not what you think He needs to say to your mate.

When a wife feels unloved, it can be such a shock to her heart that she is oblivious to her disrespectful reactions toward her husband, though any man watching could see it plainly.

God rewards your obedience to love and respect, even if your spouse does not respond!

When a husband chooses to do or say something loving, and that includes saying, ‘I’m sorry for coming across in an unloving way,’ he energizes his wife. When a wife decides to express herself respectfully, and that includes apologizing for her disrespectful attitude, she energizes her husband.

A most significant point of this book is this: If what we think is true, kind, necessary, and clear, we need to have the courage to hit send. This isn’t about refraining from speaking; this is about speaking.

To build a lasting legacy, use proven wisdom that you glean from the Lord.

When there is confusion, I try to refrain from attacking another for not listening carefully (which may not be the case). Instead, I take a run at communicating again, but more clearly.

God’s commands are not burdensome, but are given to us to spare us from more pain. Why would God command you to do something that doesn’t work?

Here is the secret to marriage that every couple seeks and yet few find: Unconditional respect is as powerful for him as unconditional love is for her. It’s the secret that will help you achieve a brand new level of intimacy.

With a better understanding of God’s promises, you will be on your way to a renewed mind and a changed life.

Don’t pressure yourself with perfection. We are going to fail. A righteous man falls 7 times but gets back up.

A woman needs love like she needs air to breathe. A man needs respect like he needs air to breathe.

Unconditional respect, like unconditional love, is all about how one sounds (tone of voice and word choice) and appears (facial expressions and physical actions).

Mutual submission is the only way to live fairly together with mutual authority.

This is the Rewarded Cycle: His love blesses regardless of her respect and her respect blesses regardless of his love.

A man has a natural, inborn desire to go out and “conquer” the challenges of his world – to work and achieve.

As a wife, if you can start to understand how important your husband’s work is to him, you will take a giant step toward communicating respect and honor, two things that he values even more than your love.

I often stress that one of the greatest rewards any persevering spouse can have is being a good example and influence on the children in the family.

Words of love from a husband are like good medicine that brings life to the marriage.

You must “ask God from the wealth of his glory to give you power through his Spirit to be strong in your inner selves.”

The heart of my communication means the other person cannot get my heart to be unkind, unloving, or disrespectful. Instead, I have made a decision about who I will be independent of the other person. I won’t blame my unkindness on someone else.

When evil comes at you, you’re the one who makes the choice of whether or not it is going to go into you.

When we speak before we think, we widen the chances the other person(s) will be notably hurt, frustrated, confused, angry, fearful, or offended by something we’ve communicated.

Don’t conclude that your spouse is wrong when he/she is seeking to do the right and righteous thing.

God is not pink. God is not blue. God is purple. When two become one, they have the potential of displaying God’s attributes and character.

We can communicate the truth in the best of manners, but the person may be so insecure he or she can only react and attack like a wounded bear.

When parents genuinely trust and follow the Lord and His ways, their faith spills over onto the children.

No matter how difficult your spouse may be at the moment, your spouse does not have control over your reaction; you do. You may be experiencing disappointment, frustration, or anger, but you always have a choice.

Just because you may feel unloved or disrespected does not mean your spouse is sending that message.

The Lord made women (Pink) and men (Blue) with differences, and He expects us to recognize and deal with those differences in a loving and respectful way.

Research shows that 70% of the couples who were extremely unhappy in their marriage, but hung in there and worked through the tough time, identified themselves as being very happy five years later.

When a husband chooses to come across lovingly even though he feels disrespected, he can prevent the Crazy Cycle from spinning and possibly getting out of control.

If you want your wife to express appreciation for your attempts to be loving, you must use thankful words when she tries to speak or act respectfully.

God is good and wants what is best for us.

To stay the course in speaking words of Love and Respect, keep your heart in Scripture, trusting in and talking about His promises to help you.

Your spouse has a need only you can fill.

We are either going to give in the darkness or we are going to give into the darkness.

When others do not respond to our communication, we need to look first at our communication style. Is the other person incapable of hearing what we have to say? Or are we abrupt, brusque, and curt?

Husbands, even Jesus Himself was asked by a woman, “Do you not care?” (Luke 10:40) When your wife accuses you of not caring, decode her deeper meaning.

“You can be right, but wrong at the top of your voice.”

Unconditional respect is as powerful to him as unconditional love is to her.

When sorting out how to slow down the Crazy Cycle, it helps to remember that men are commanded to love because they don’t love naturally, and on the other side, women are commanded to respect because they don’t respect naturally.

Parenting is a faith venture. As we parent “unto Christ” we reap God’s reward, “knowing that whatever good anyone does, he will receive the same from the Lord” (Eph. 6:8 NKJV)

How we react to a situation reveals more about us than about the other person.

Will we decide how we see God based on our circumstances, or will we see our circumstances in light of how we view God?

A wife has one driving need--to feel loved. When that need is met she is happy. A husband has one driving need--to feel respected. When that need is met he is happy. When either of these needs isn’t met, things get crazy. Love and Respect reveals why spouses react negatively to each other, and how they can deal with such conflict quickly, easily and biblically.

[Husbands] do you realize the power of just holding your wife’s hand?

At the very bottom of things, in every case and in every conversation, you can do your marriage a huge favor by assuming she is seeking to feel loved or he is seeking to feel respected and give your spouse some grace!

We can all have moments of anger, but this does not mean we have to lose control and sin.

The moment we cry to Him for help, He is already pleased. He gives us strength to love our children.

Stay the course regardless of the child’s respect and obedience. This is the Family Rewarded Cycle: a parents love unto Christ regardless of the child.

In your marriage be the first to “seek peace and pursue it” (1 Peter 3:11)

Thank God for joining you together and for allowing you to trust Him to help you, whatever the issue. God is there for you and expects you to look to Him to keep you together as a team, so ask Him for His help in the smallest of concerns. “So they are no longer two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate.” (Matthew 19:6)

Do you bow to the influence of Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?

Trust God when the “why’s” of life threaten to overwhelm you.

Be friendly. Be friendly. Be friendly. Watch what happens.

I had often asked God to compensate for my mistakes, but in return had I thought He would give me perfect children?

Responding to offensive words or actions with your own offensive words and actions is damaging and unproductive.