Motivating Your Man God’s Way: Applying One Word That Energizes Him to Love

We are either going to give in the darkness or we are going to give into the darkness.

Words of love from a husband are like good medicine that brings life to the marriage.

We easily see what is done to us before we see what we are doing to our mate.

God rewards your obedience to love and respect, even if your spouse does not respond!

Above all trust God when the “whys” of life threaten to overwhelm you.

Feeling unloved, a wife gets defensive and acts offensively without respect. Feeling disrespected, a husband gets defensive and acts offensively without love.

Your spouse deserves the truth from you. Do your best to tell it with love and respect.

Though the end can be worthy (to be loved and respected), when each uses unholy means (unloving and disrespectful words and actions), it will not achieve those ends. We must treat others as we expect them to treat us. To deny this makes us arrogant or fools, or both.

When your wife comes to talk to you, listen to her. Realize she is coming to you because you matter more to her than anyone else. She has certain emotional needs and only you can meet them. Sometimes she may say things that don’t make sense to you and she is apt to misspeak and exaggerate when she is upset, but don’t put her down. Instead, listen to her heart. Give her a chance to express her concerns and, as she does so, don’t try to fix her. Don’t give her your solutions unless she asks for them.

How we react to a situation reveals more about us than about the other person.

The moment we cry to Him for help, He is already pleased. He gives us strength to love our children.

With a better understanding of God’s promises, you will be on your way to a renewed mind and a changed life.

Let the Lord change you, but don’t try to change each other.

No matter how difficult your spouse may be at the moment, your spouse does not have control over your reaction; you do. You may be experiencing disappointment, frustration, or anger, but you always have a choice.

When a wife asks, “Do you love me?” She is not trying to put her husband on the spot. She is simply looking for reassurance.

Marriage is a tool and a test to allow God’s will to be revealed in our lives.

Thank God for His forgiveness of your mistakes. In trying to be a loving man or a respectful woman, we blow it. Owning up to mistakes is never easy, but it is always the way to move forward. Take good care not to accuse your spouse of mistakes as you pray. Also, pray about any forgiving to be done in the family, any forgiveness that needs to be asked. Children may need forgiveness (and what about Mom and Dad?). “There is no one on earth who does what is right all the time and never makes a mistake.” (Ecclesiastes 7:20)

Unconditional respect means we confront their wrongdoings respectfully. We do not become uncivil because they are. Who they fail to be does not determine who we will be.

Don’t conclude that your spouse is wrong when he/she is seeking to do the right and righteous thing.

Unconditional love or respect is never wasted. Hang onto this promise: “Let us not lose heart in doing good, for in due time we will reap if we do not grow weary” (Galatians 6:9).

Each of you must focus on what God is calling you to do toward your spouse. Do not focus on what you think God is calling your spouse to do toward you.

I had often asked God to compensate for my mistakes, but in return had I thought He would give me perfect children?

Getting married reveals, usually sooner than later, an incontestable fact: your spouse cannot possibly meet all your needs and desires

Fight like a loving man and a respectful woman. Fight fair.

The parent-child relationship is as easy, and as difficult, as love and respect.

Words of wisdom for all husbands and wives are these: We easily see what is done to us before we see what we are doing to our mate.

Parenting is a faith venture. As we parent “unto Christ” we reap God’s reward, “knowing that whatever good anyone does, he will receive the same from the Lord” (Eph. 6:8 NKJV)

Clearly, in the marriage, in the family and in the household, when you speak words of blessing, you are speaking to the Lord, and for this you will be rewarded.

No one can really practice Love and Respect unless he or she does it as unto Jesus Christ.

Clarifying is what you do before you step on your mate’s air hose and deflate his or her spirit. For example, you are having a typical conversation, but you can tell there is a misunderstanding. One of you isn’t being clear or isn’t hearing correctly. Then and there you clarify the misunderstanding before your spouse’s spirit deflates. You lovingly or respectfully clarify matters so that your spouse will not feel unloved or disrespected. The reason you take pains to clarify a seemingly small matter is to prevent the situation from becoming a love and respect issue that needs decoding. Clarifying is what you do to stay off the Crazy Cycle and keep positive, energetic feelings flowing between the two of you, to keep yourselves on the Energizing Cycle.

If a husband chooses to be a peacemaker--taking the needs and concerns of his wife totally into account during any kind of argument or conflict--his wife will be motivated in turn to respond to his authority during stalemates.

A wife has one driving need--to feel loved. When that need is met she is happy. A husband has one driving need--to feel respected. When that need is met he is happy. When either of these needs isn’t met, things get crazy. Love and Respect reveals why spouses react negatively to each other, and how they can deal with such conflict quickly, easily and biblically.

Research and experience prove that men and women see and hear differently. Recognizing these differences and adjusting to them is absolutely necessary for reaching mutual understanding and better communication.

Thank the Lord for all the trouble-free moments in which you and your spouse enjoy Him, each other, your family, your ministry and life as a whole. Ask Him for the strength to accept your measure of trouble, and the wisdom to deal with the annoyances and irritations by loving and respecting each other with new commitment. (You may also want to pray about troubles at work, at church, with the children…) “But those who marry will have trouble in this life” (1 Corinthians 7:28)

In the ultimate sense, your marriage has nothing to do with your spouse. It has everything to do with your relationship to Jesus Christ.

Wives, you never know: The way you handle this [conflict] might bring your husband not only back to you, but to God. Husbands, you never know: The way you handle this [conflict] might bring your wife not only back to you, but to God. (1 Corinthians 7:16)

[Women], your self-love cannot be derived from your husband’s love. It can affect it, but it does not determine it.

Your spouse has a need only you can fill.

You both forgive for one simple but profound reason: because you know Christ has forgiven you!

Husbands primarily want to hear ‘respect” talk during conflict. Wives primarily want to hear “love” talk during conflict.

Both Judas and Peter denied Jesus Christ, but there is a huge difference between a Judas and a Peter.

We have different vulnerabilities. We can pass judgment on one another all day long or we can say God made us different and that’s ok.

When you relinquish an offense, you need to send that offense somewhere. So follow Jesus’ example and release it to your heavenly Father.

Women give a report to build rapport. Men bond through shoulder-to-shoulder activities without talking.

We have discovered that as women motivate their man God’s way, men are energized to love them better. It doesn’t matter if your marriage is good or seems like there is no hope. We have seen God move in powerful ways even when things looked hopeless.

We get on the Crazy Cycle because without love a wife reacts without respect, and without respect a husband reacts without love.

Share what God is saying to your heart, not what you think He needs to say to your mate.

Recognize your different gifts--how each of you (Pink and Blue) functions according to God’s perfect design.

His love motivates her respect. Her respect motivates his love.

When you love or respect unconditionally regardless of the outcome, you are following God and His will for you.

No matter how difficult your spouse may be at the moment, your spouse does not have control over your reaction; you do. You may be experiencing disappointment, frustration or anger, but you always have a choice. A wife can choose to be disrespectful or respectful. A husband can choose to be unloving or loving.

Do not live by the standards of Hollywood; trust what God says in His Holy Word.

We all need love and respect equally. But, during conflict our felt needs are as different as pink is from blue.

Don’t label each other as bad because you differ on how you solve your troubles.

Life is too short to fuss and fret over trivial irritations.

We can communicate the truth in the best of manners, but the person may be so insecure he or she can only react and attack like a wounded bear.

When you possess a forgiving spirit, words of Love and Respect will flow authentically from your lips- and realize that the Lord Himself is listening to you at moments like these. He knows you are not powerless, but actually full of power that He has granted you.

Do you understand that God feels compassion for you, no matter what you have done or what your circumstances may be?

You speak lovingly or respectfully no matter how your spouse may speak to you in return. Your spouse is not the reason--good or bad--why you speak unconditional words of love or respect. God is the reason, and as you depend on Him, you will become increasingly able to speak lovingly and respectfully to your spouse.

Your words reveal your heart.

To get offended is easy, but to forgive is within your power as you walk in His steps.

As mature men, we need to take leadership and put this out on the table. We must acknowledge our feelings- we need to feel respected. However, as we do this we must acknowledge our wife’s feelings- she needs to feel loved!

A marriage relationship will be energized when couples learn how to motivate each other God’s way.

Words of Love and Respect must include thankfulness spoken to or about your spouse; don’t fixate on weaknesses and faults.

To stay the course in speaking words of Love and Respect, keep your heart in Scripture, trusting in and talking about His promises to help you.

Mistakes can’t be undone, but they can be forgiven.

The Crazy Cycle is, indeed “the evil of folly and the foolishness of madness” (Ecclesiastes 7:25)

You can be right but wrong at the top of your voice.

Husbands, even Jesus Himself was asked by a woman, “Do you not care?” (Luke 10:40) When your wife accuses you of not caring, decode her deeper meaning.

This is the Rewarded Cycle: His love blesses regardless of her respect and her respect blesses regardless of his love.

As a husband, if you can grasp that you don’t always have to solve your wife’s problems, you will take a giant step toward showing her empathy and understanding.

Never give up. If you want to have a strong marriage, you need to accept temporary setbacks as part of the game.

If a husband loves his wife as he should, she will feel honored and respected. If a wife respects her husband as she should, he will feel loved and appreciated. It’s a win-win.

A strong woman of dignity puts on respect out of her love and reverence for Jesus Christ. She trusts that His word not only protects and empowers her, but also rewards her with incomprehensible eternal blessings.

When others do not respond to our communication, we need to look first at our communication style. Is the other person incapable of hearing what we have to say? Or are we abrupt, brusque, and curt?

The key to motivating another person is meeting their deepest need, especially during conflict.

The woman absolutely needs love, and the man absolutely needs respect. It’s as simple- and as difficult- as that.

Our trustworthiness rests on our truthfulness.

I often stress that one of the greatest rewards any persevering spouse can have is being a good example and influence on the children in the family.

Often both spouses have goodwill but are not deciphering each other’s code. She criticizes out of love, but he “hears” only disrespect. He distances himself to prevent feelings from escalating, which is the honorable thing to do, but she “sees” only his failure to be loving!

Be a part of the solution, not part of the problem.

Trust God when the “why’s” of life threaten to overwhelm you.

A man has a natural, inborn desire to go out and “conquer” the challenges of his world – to work and achieve.

Here is the secret to marriage that every couple seeks and yet few find: Unconditional respect is as powerful for him as unconditional love is for her. It’s the secret that will help you achieve a brand new level of intimacy.

[Women], as you enter quiet dignity, not preaching at your husband or scolding him as though you were his mother, something happens in his soul as a male.

When a wife feels unloved, it can be such a shock to her heart that she is oblivious to her disrespectful reactions toward her husband, though any man watching could see it plainly.

Every marriage includes trouble some of the time. Do not let the 20% leaven all the rest.

Your wife feels you are open with her when you discuss financial concerns, possible job changes or ideas for your future.

A wife has one driving need: to feel loved. When that need is met, she is happy. A husband has one driving need: to feel respected. When that need is met, he is happy. When either of these needs isn’t met, things get crazy with conflict.

Assume goodwill about the person you are in conflict with.

Marriage is a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and your reverence for Jesus Christ.

When you come home after you have been apart, the first few moments of reconnecting will set the tone for the rest of the evening.

“You can be right, but wrong at the top of your voice.”

Money squabbles don’t undermine love and respect; they simply reveal unloving and disrespectful attitudes, which are the real reason why a marriage can start to wobble on the Crazy Cycle.

The Crazy Cycle is, indeed, “the evil of folly and the foolishness of madness” (Ecclesiastes 7:25).

When a wife insists that her husband earn her respect, she puts him in a lose-lose situation.

When confronting your spouse, attack the behavior, not the person.

Your spouse can affect you, but your spouse does not control you.

Your spouse may meet many of your needs, but your deepest dependency should be on your Lord.

Positive changes flood a relationship immediately when both husband and wife cancel the blame game!