Motivating Your Man God’s Way: Applying One Word That Energizes Him to Love

Negative actions rarely produce positive results.

Stay the course regardless of the child’s respect and obedience. This is the Family Rewarded Cycle: a parents love unto Christ regardless of the child.

We have different vulnerabilities. We can pass judgment on one another all day long or we can say God made us different and that’s ok.

To build a lasting legacy, use proven wisdom that you glean from the Lord.

We blame people for the bad things we do, but take credit for the good things we do.

You must distinguish between “I can’t” and “I won’t.”

Marriage is a test of how you unconditionally love and respect your spouse as you obey, honor, and please the Lord.

The mature one in the marriage seldom moves second.

We can all have moments of anger, but this does not mean we have to lose control and sin.

If you are seeking positive change in your marriage, you will need to make a positive change in your attitude and actions.

Thank the Lord for all the trouble-free moments in which you and your spouse enjoy Him, each other, your family, your ministry and life as a whole. Ask Him for the strength to accept your measure of trouble, and the wisdom to deal with the annoyances and irritations by loving and respecting each other with new commitment. (You may also want to pray about troubles at work, at church, with the children…) “But those who marry will have trouble in this life” (1 Corinthians 7:28)

I had often asked God to compensate for my mistakes, but in return had I thought He would give me perfect children?

Husbands, to energize your wife give her face-to-face time, allowing her to talk and share her feelings.

Fight like a loving man and a respectful woman. Fight fair.

Will we decide how we see God based on our circumstances, or will we see our circumstances in light of how we view God?

If we subscribe to the belief that because we are equal we are the same, then we’re going to expect our spouse to respond the way we do.

Trusting and obeying God’s Word because we love and reverence God never, ever makes us a hypocrite! When the alarm goes off in the morning, we get up, even when we don’t feel like it getting up. Because we do what we don’t feel like doing, does that make us hypocrites? No, it’s a sign we are responsible people. Showing respectful behavior when we don’t “feel respectful” is evidence of maturity.

Husbands primarily want to hear ‘respect” talk during conflict. Wives primarily want to hear “love” talk during conflict.

Christian maturity involves a lot of things, but surely it includes knowing how to process your anger.

Words of Love or Respect must uplift your spouse, edifying- never manipulating him or her.

When you possess a forgiving spirit, words of Love and Respect will flow authentically from your lips- and realize that the Lord Himself is listening to you at moments like these. He knows you are not powerless, but actually full of power that He has granted you.

No matter what your struggle- criticism, constant conflict, sex, money, parenting, harsh words- learning to communicate the Love and Respect way can help you make crucial changes and build the kind of relationship that God blesses.

I often stress that one of the greatest rewards any persevering spouse can have is being a good example and influence on the children in the family.

A woman needs love like she needs air to breathe. A man needs respect like he needs air to breathe.

Women give a report to build rapport. Men bond through shoulder-to-shoulder activities without talking.

Although the Crazy Cycle is not what God intends for any marriage, all couples get on it at times from one degree to another.

Words of love from a husband are like good medicine that brings life to the marriage.

When a wife asks, “Do you love me?” She is not trying to put her husband on the spot. She is simply looking for reassurance.

Research shows that 70% of the couples who were extremely unhappy in their marriage, but hung in there and worked through the tough time, identified themselves as being very happy five years later.

Recognize your different gifts--how each of you (Pink and Blue) functions according to God’s perfect design.

Often both spouses have goodwill but are not deciphering each other’s code. She criticizes out of love, but he “hears” only disrespect. He distances himself to prevent feelings from escalating, which is the honorable thing to do, but she “sees” only his failure to be loving!

Your wife will feel esteemed when you speak highly of her in front of others.

As you pray together, you will truly learn to love and respect together.

Parenting is a faith venture. As we parent “unto Christ” we reap God’s reward, “knowing that whatever good anyone does, he will receive the same from the Lord” (Eph. 6:8 NKJV)

[Husbands] the most powerful weapons you have are your ears. Just listen to your wife, and she is much more likely to feel understood.

When you’re truly Christ-centered, instead of child-centered, you will be a more effective parent in the long run.

Troubles over sex and money do not cause a marriage to go under. The lack of love and respect during conflict cause the marriage to go under.

Being friendly to her man is one of the most effective things a woman can do to strengthen her marriage.

There is power and freedom that comes in understanding that no one can cause you to react in a certain way. It is your choice.

Your spouse has a need only you can fill.

In the ultimate sense, your marriage has nothing to do with your spouse. It has everything to do with your relationship to Jesus Christ.

Being a person who communicates what is true frequently demands tact, and at times it can feel like sidestepping land mines. It takes work to be both truthful and tactful.

When parents genuinely trust and follow the Lord and His ways, their faith spills over onto the children.

God’s commands are not burdensome, but are given to us to spare us from more pain. Why would God command you to do something that doesn’t work?

We must bring our identity in Christ to our parenting—we must not derive our identity from our children.

Positive changes flood a relationship immediately when both husband and wife cancel the blame game!

Your husband knows you appreciate his desire to protect and provide when you praise his commitment to provide for you. You empathize when he reveals his male mindset about position, status, or rank at work.

Often the apparent issue isn’t the real issue; the real issue is always a matter of love or respect.

When Jesus said “turn the other cheek,” He wasn’t saying to be passive wimps. He was teaching that physically people can control you but if you turn and give the other cheek, suddenly you’re in control and you’re making the choices.

No one can really practice Love and Respect unless he or she does it as unto Jesus Christ.

Your spouse may meet many of your needs, but your deepest dependency should be on your Lord.

The Crazy Cycle is, indeed “the evil of folly and the foolishness of madness” (Ecclesiastes 7:25)

When a wife feels unloved, it can be such a shock to her heart that she is oblivious to her disrespectful reactions toward her husband, though any man watching could see it plainly.

Just because you’re offended doesn’t mean the other person is offensive.

Knowing my spouse will not be able to love or respect me perfectly, I commit to having a forgiving spirit so that I may never speak hatefully or contemptuously.

Your spouse can have a need that you don’t have and that’s okay.

Life is too short to fuss and fret over trivial irritations.

We are equal but we are not the same.

You speak lovingly or respectfully no matter how your spouse may speak to you in return. Your spouse is not the reason--good or bad--why you speak unconditional words of love or respect. God is the reason, and as you depend on Him, you will become increasingly able to speak lovingly and respectfully to your spouse.

The key to motivating another person is meeting their deepest need, especially during conflict.

Your words reveal your heart.

It’s crucial to communicate with the right tone of voice and the right expression on your face.

When a husband feels disrespected, he has a natural tendency to react in ways that feel unloving to his wife. (Perhaps the command to love was given to him precisely for this reason!) When a wife feels unloved, she has a natural tendency to react in ways that feel disrespectful to her husband. (Perhaps the command to respect was given to her precisely for this reason!)

Through Jesus and Peter, God set forth His standard for living in the unconditional dimension: choose to be loving even when the other person is not; do what is right regardless of the treatment you receive. I believe this standard applies directly to marriage. A husband who speaks lovingly to his disrespectful wife will be rewarded; and a wife who speaks respectfully to her unloving, not-worthy-of-respect husband will be rewarded. Whether you are husband or wife, the reward is what can keep you going in the midst of the craziness: knowing that God commends you, knowing that you have found his favor for your words and actions.

We fool ourselves into thinking the other person causes us to be the way we are. They really don’t! But if we lock into that idea, we become helpless, hopeless victims.

The Lord made women (Pink) and men (Blue) with differences, and He expects us to recognize and deal with those differences in a loving and respectful way.

God’s commands are there to help us, not to hinder us or hold us back as male and female.

Ladies, be careful. “A nagging wife goes on and on like the drip, drip, drip of the rain” (Proverbs 19:13).

When others do not respond to our communication, we need to look first at our communication style. Is the other person incapable of hearing what we have to say? Or are we abrupt, brusque, and curt?

Let the Lord change you, but don’t try to change each other.

Focus on the positive in the midst of the negative, and the Energizing Cycle will keep right on humming.

Thank God for His forgiveness of your mistakes. In trying to be a loving man or a respectful woman, we blow it. Owning up to mistakes is never easy, but it is always the way to move forward. Take good care not to accuse your spouse of mistakes as you pray. Also, pray about any forgiving to be done in the family, any forgiveness that needs to be asked. Children may need forgiveness (and what about Mom and Dad?). “There is no one on earth who does what is right all the time and never makes a mistake.” (Ecclesiastes 7:20)

When there is confusion, I try to refrain from attacking another for not listening carefully (which may not be the case). Instead, I take a run at communicating again, but more clearly.

Your marriage is really a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and reverence for your Lord.

Always see your mate as an ally. Feedback is of little use if you see your spouse as an enemy. Giving and receiving constructive feedback is based on feelings of goodwill in both partners. Both of you need to remember that, even if you don’t always agree and even if you become irritated or angry, you are friends, and neither of you means to hurt the other.

Mutual submission is the only way to live fairly together with mutual authority.

In the ultimate sense you marriage has nothing to do with your spouse. It has everything to do with your relationship with Jesus Christ.

Optimism or pessimism? It is always a choice, no matter what your natural temperament.

Self-interest should never come ahead of your spouse’s interests.

It is hard to be negative while being thankful.

If you want your husband to express appreciation for your attempts to be respectful, you must speak thankfully when he tries to be loving.

This is the Rewarded Cycle: His love blesses regardless of her respect and her respect blesses regardless of his love.

When we speak before we think, we widen the chances the other person(s) will be notably hurt, frustrated, confused, angry, fearful, or offended by something we’ve communicated.

When you love or respect unconditionally regardless of the outcome, you are following God and His will for you.

It’s so easy to dismiss our spouse as childish because we don’t have the same vulnerabilities they do.

Husbands, even Jesus Himself was asked by a woman, “Do you not care?” (Luke 10:40) When your wife accuses you of not caring, decode her deeper meaning.

Don’t label each other as bad because you differ on how you solve your troubles.

Always remember that Pink and Blue have different wiring, different preferences. Assume your spouse has goodwill toward you, no matter what. Both of you can be right, while being different.

Unconditional respect means we confront their wrongdoings respectfully. We do not become uncivil because they are. Who they fail to be does not determine who we will be.

Unconditional respect is as powerful to him as unconditional love is to her.

Your hunger for God can create an appetite in your children.

Your marriage is a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and reverence for Jesus Christ. God is using your spouse to bring you an eternal reward.

Getting married reveals, usually sooner than later, an incontestable fact: your spouse cannot possibly meet all your needs and desires

She’s not wrong for not being male. He is not wrong for not being female. When you put pink and blue together, you get purple, the color of royalty; the color of God. Together, a husband and wife reflect God’s image.

Accentuate the positive and eliminate the negative with lots of love and respect in between.

Though the end can be worthy (to be loved and respected), when each uses unholy means (unloving and disrespectful words and actions), it will not achieve those ends. We must treat others as we expect them to treat us. To deny this makes us arrogant or fools, or both.

You can experience hurt, but it is your choice to hate.

Assume goodwill about the person you are in conflict with.

A strong woman of dignity puts on respect out of her love and reverence for Jesus Christ. She trusts that His word not only protects and empowers her, but also rewards her with incomprehensible eternal blessings.

His love motivates her respect. Her respect motivates his love.