Motivating Your Man God’s Way: Applying One Word That Energizes Him to Love

There is a plan to parent God’s way, even when our children may seek to go their own way at time. The secret is to follow this plan regardless. When you do, I believe you succeed in His eyes.

Troubles over sex and money do not cause a marriage to go under. The lack of love and respect during conflict cause the marriage to go under.

God’s commands are there to help us, not to hinder us or hold us back as male and female.

Avoid like the plague trying to punish each other as a means of “motivation.” Christ-followers instinctively know that this destroys any opportunity to act out of reverence for Christ. In all marital issues, love and reverence for Christ must be our primary motivation.

No matter what your struggle- criticism, constant conflict, sex, money, parenting, harsh words- learning to communicate the Love and Respect way can help you make crucial changes and build the kind of relationship that God blesses.

The moment we cry to Him for help, He is already pleased. He gives us strength to love our children.

Christian maturity involves a lot of things, but surely it includes knowing how to process your anger.

Be quick to listen and understand and you have a much better chance of being understood.

Every marriage includes trouble some of the time. Do not let the 20% leaven all the rest.

Trust God when the “why’s” of life threaten to overwhelm you.

If you want your husband to express appreciation for your attempts to be respectful, you must speak thankfully when he tries to be loving.

There is power and freedom that comes in understanding that no one can cause you to react in a certain way. It is your choice.

If a husband loves his wife as he should, she will feel honored and respected. If a wife respects her husband as she should, he will feel loved and appreciated. It’s a win-win.

Your spouse has a need that you don’t have. Are you going to say there is something seriously wrong with them or will you say “Viva la Difference”?

Do not live by the standards of Hollywood; trust what God says in His Holy Word.

One thing to remember in this culture is if we say something complimentary towards one gender, we aren’t saying something against the other.

When parents genuinely trust and follow the Lord and His ways, their faith spills over onto the children.

Thank the Lord that in the very beginning He created them male and female – Blue and Pink. Ask Him for patience and ever-growing understanding of how men and women see and hear differently. “He created them male and female, and He blessed them.” (Genesis 5:2)

No matter how difficult your spouse may be at the moment, your spouse does not have control over your reaction; you do. You may be experiencing disappointment, frustration or anger, but you always have a choice. A wife can choose to be disrespectful or respectful. A husband can choose to be unloving or loving.

When you look to God and His Word as your ultimate source of significance and security, you don’t demand that your spouse take that role in your life. And as you draw strength from the Lord individually, He draws you closer together as a couple.

It is so easy to draw wrong conclusions about a spouse’s character and motives due to an occasional flare-up or silly comment.

Just because you may feel unloved or disrespected does not mean your spouse is sending that message.

Knowing my spouse will not be able to love or respect me perfectly, I commit to having a forgiving spirit so that I may never speak hatefully or contemptuously.

Stay the course regardless of the child’s respect and obedience. This is the Family Rewarded Cycle: a parents love unto Christ regardless of the child.

The woman absolutely needs love, and the man absolutely needs respect. It’s as simple- and as difficult- as that.

If a husband chooses to be a peacemaker--taking the needs and concerns of his wife totally into account during any kind of argument or conflict--his wife will be motivated in turn to respond to his authority during stalemates.

Fight like a loving man and a respectful woman. Fight fair.

Thank the Lord for the goodwill each of you has toward the other. Ask Him for strength to give each other the benefit of the doubt during moments when someone’s goodwill seems to be lacking. “He who seeks good finds goodwill, but evil comes to him who searches for it.” (Proverbs 11:27)

No matter how difficult your spouse may be at the moment, your spouse does not have control over your reaction; you do. You may be experiencing disappointment, frustration, or anger, but you always have a choice.

God is not trying to trick you or mess with you. Trust that He wants to reveal Himself to you just as much as He wants to reveal Himself to the world.

Words of Love and Respect must include thankfulness spoken to or about your spouse; don’t fixate on weaknesses and faults.

We are equal but we are not the same.

A strong woman of dignity puts on respect out of her love and reverence for Jesus Christ. She trusts that His word not only protects and empowers her, but also rewards her with incomprehensible eternal blessings.

God is good and wants what is best for us.

Clearly, in the marriage, in the family and in the household, when you speak words of blessing, you are speaking to the Lord, and for this you will be rewarded.

Accidental sparks (unwise remarks) ignite and fuel a fire, and vroom goes the Crazy Cycle.

We all need love and respect equally. But, during conflict our felt needs are as different as pink is from blue.

When a husband feels disrespected, he has a natural tendency to react in ways that feel unloving to his wife. (Perhaps the command to love was given to him precisely for this reason!) When a wife feels unloved, she has a natural tendency to react in ways that feel disrespectful to her husband. (Perhaps the command to respect was given to her precisely for this reason!)

Your spouse deserves the truth from you. Do your best to tell it with love and respect.

When a husband feels disrespected, it is especially hard to love his wife. When a wife feels unloved, it is especially hard to respect her husband.

In your marriage be the first to “seek peace and pursue it” (1 Peter 3:11)

Often both spouses have goodwill but are not deciphering each other’s code. She criticizes out of love, but he “hears” only disrespect. He distances himself to prevent feelings from escalating, which is the honorable thing to do, but she “sees” only his failure to be loving!

When others do not respond to our communication, we need to look first at our communication style. Is the other person incapable of hearing what we have to say? Or are we abrupt, brusque, and curt?

I had often asked God to compensate for my mistakes, but in return had I thought He would give me perfect children?

At the very bottom of things, in every case and in every conversation, you can do your marriage a huge favor by assuming she is seeking to feel loved or he is seeking to feel respected and give your spouse some grace!

We are either going to give in the darkness or we are going to give into the darkness.

Though the end can be worthy (to be loved and respected), when each uses unholy means (unloving and disrespectful words and actions), it will not achieve those ends. We must treat others as we expect them to treat us. To deny this makes us arrogant or fools, or both.

There is a discrepancy between who we want to be and see ourselves to be and how we actually sound in voice and writing. But with self-reflection and honesty, we can turn the corner and improve our communication. We need only evaluate what we are about to communicate.

[Husbands] the most powerful weapons you have are your ears. Just listen to your wife, and she is much more likely to feel understood.

A major step toward a happy marriage is accepting differences and working them out with love and respect.

We all need to wrestle with the spiritual truth that God is good. If you don’t believe God is good, you won’t trust His word. If you don’t trust His word, you will find excuses to ignore His commands.

You must distinguish between “I can’t” and “I won’t.”

If we subscribe to the belief that because we are equal we are the same, then we’re going to expect our spouse to respond the way we do.

Women give a report to build rapport. Men bond through shoulder-to-shoulder activities without talking.

Negative actions rarely produce positive results.

It’s true that women have intuition and that men should listen to them. It’s also true that women have blind spots and need the insight of their husbands.

Your hunger for God can create an appetite in your children.

He will feel appreciated when you recognize his problem-solving approach as his male brand of empathy.

Accentuate the positive and eliminate the negative with lots of love and respect in between.

Feeling unloved, a wife gets defensive and acts offensively without respect. Feeling disrespected, a husband gets defensive and acts offensively without love.

It’s so easy to dismiss our spouse as childish because we don’t have the same vulnerabilities they do.

Your husband knows you appreciate his desire to protect and provide when you praise his commitment to provide for you. You empathize when he reveals his male mindset about position, status, or rank at work.

Will we decide how we see God based on our circumstances, or will we see our circumstances in light of how we view God?

It’s crucial to communicate with the right tone of voice and the right expression on your face.

[Husbands] as the church places her burdens on Christ, so a woman needs to place her burdens on her husband. When she shares with you, don’t assume she is asking you to solve the problem. Ask your wife, “Do you want a solution or a listening ear?”

Both Judas and Peter denied Jesus Christ, but there is a huge difference between a Judas and a Peter.

To not forgive is to shoot yourself in the foot and put extra gas in the Crazy Cycle.

Truth will carry its own weight if delivered respectfully and lovingly.

Suppressing negative feelings is not loving, respectful or very wise. Speak up tactfully.

His love blesses regardless of her respect; her respect blesses regardless of his love.

Recognize your different gifts--how each of you (Pink and Blue) functions according to God’s perfect design.

Getting married reveals, usually sooner than later, an incontestable fact: your spouse cannot possibly meet all your needs and desires

We can communicate the truth in the best of manners, but the person may be so insecure he or she can only react and attack like a wounded bear.

In the ultimate sense you marriage has nothing to do with your spouse. It has everything to do with your relationship with Jesus Christ.

God designed the woman to love. He’s not going to command her to agape her husband when He created her to do that in the first place. God is not into redundancy.

Husbands primarily want to hear ‘respect” talk during conflict. Wives primarily want to hear “love” talk during conflict.

When a wife feels unloved, it can be such a shock to her heart that she is oblivious to her disrespectful reactions toward her husband, though any man watching could see it plainly.

To stay the course in speaking words of Love and Respect, keep your heart in Scripture, trusting in and talking about His promises to help you.

Research shows that 70% of the couples who were extremely unhappy in their marriage, but hung in there and worked through the tough time, identified themselves as being very happy five years later.

Your position in Christ is what counts, not your less-than-perfect performance.

Whose voice are you listening to: Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?

Could you be facing a crisis in faith more than a crisis in your marriage?

Your spouse has a need only you can fill.

Focus on the positive in the midst of the negative, and the Energizing Cycle will keep right on humming.

When your wife comes to talk to you, listen to her. Realize she is coming to you because you matter more to her than anyone else. She has certain emotional needs and only you can meet them. Sometimes she may say things that don’t make sense to you and she is apt to misspeak and exaggerate when she is upset, but don’t put her down. Instead, listen to her heart. Give her a chance to express her concerns and, as she does so, don’t try to fix her. Don’t give her your solutions unless she asks for them.

If husbands and wives are to understand the Love and Respect Connection, they must realize that they communicate in code. And the problem is, they don’t know how to decipher the messages they send to one another.

Just because you’re offended doesn’t mean the other person is offensive.

When you look to God and His Word as your ultimate source of significance and security, you don’t demand that your spouse take that role in your life. And as you draw strength from the Lord individually, He draws you closer together as a couple.

The difference between successful couples and unsuccessful couples is that successful ones keep getting up and dealing with the issues.

It is crucial for a husband and wife to see that neither one is wrong, but both of them are very different--in body function, outlook and perspective.

We might say that every negative action in the family has an equal and opposite negative reaction.

Unconditional respect is as powerful to him as unconditional love is to her.

Can you begin to trust that God feels love for you even when you don’t feel that love?

Your wife will feel esteemed when you speak highly of her in front of others.

When you’re truly Christ-centered, instead of child-centered, you will be a more effective parent in the long run.

We must bring our identity in Christ to our parenting—we must not derive our identity from our children.

The Lord made women (Pink) and men (Blue) with differences, and He expects us to recognize and deal with those differences in a loving and respectful way.

Marital researchers agree that a huge percentage of communication problems between husband and wife are due not to what is said but to how it is said – the attitude and tone of voice.

His love motivates her respect. Her respect motivates his love.

Whether visiting a prison, feeding the hungry, giving the thirsty a drink or speaking a word of love or respect, everything is to be done to and for Christ.