Motivating Your Man God’s Way: Applying One Word That Energizes Him to Love

We can all have moments of anger, but this does not mean we have to lose control and sin.

We easily see what is done to us before we see what we are doing to our mate.

Often both spouses have goodwill but are not deciphering each other’s code. She criticizes out of love, but he “hears” only disrespect. He distances himself to prevent feelings from escalating, which is the honorable thing to do, but she “sees” only his failure to be loving!

Husbands, to energize your wife give her face-to-face time, allowing her to talk and share her feelings.

If a husband chooses to be a peacemaker--taking the needs and concerns of his wife totally into account during any kind of argument or conflict--his wife will be motivated in turn to respond to his authority during stalemates.

“You can be right, but wrong at the top of your voice.”

Do you understand that God feels compassion for you, no matter what you have done or what your circumstances may be?

“With eyes of faith, envision Jesus standing just beyond the shoulder of your spouse and listening to every word you speak in every conversation, pleasant or tense. When you speak lovingly or respectfully to your spouse, you are speaking to Christ. Your spouse just happens to be there too.” This truth has sanctified the lips of many. Instead of giving their spouse a verbal whipping or choking on the idea of saying anything positive, now some spouses are motivated to speak words of unconditional love or respect.

Don’t conclude that your spouse is wrong when he/she is seeking to do the right and righteous thing.

It is so easy to draw wrong conclusions about a spouse’s character and motives due to an occasional flare-up or silly comment.

To stay the course in speaking words of Love and Respect, keep your heart in Scripture, trusting in and talking about His promises to help you.

Your spouse can have a need that you don’t have and that’s okay.

Self-interest should never come ahead of your spouse’s interests.

When we speak before we think, we widen the chances the other person(s) will be notably hurt, frustrated, confused, angry, fearful, or offended by something we’ve communicated.

Trusting and obeying God’s Word because we love and reverence God never, ever makes us a hypocrite! When the alarm goes off in the morning, we get up, even when we don’t feel like it getting up. Because we do what we don’t feel like doing, does that make us hypocrites? No, it’s a sign we are responsible people. Showing respectful behavior when we don’t “feel respectful” is evidence of maturity.

Just because you’re offended doesn’t mean the other person is offensive.

We fool ourselves into thinking the other person causes us to be the way we are. They really don’t! But if we lock into that idea, we become helpless, hopeless victims.

Respect for the husband is just as important as love for the wife.

When a husband chooses to do or say something loving, and that includes saying, ‘I’m sorry for coming across in an unloving way,’ he energizes his wife. When a wife decides to express herself respectfully, and that includes apologizing for her disrespectful attitude, she energizes her husband.

As a husband, if you can grasp that you don’t always have to solve your wife’s problems, you will take a giant step toward showing her empathy and understanding.

You have two ears and one mouth; use them proportionately.

We must bring our identity in Christ to our parenting—we must not derive our identity from our children.

Marriage is a test of how you unconditionally love and respect your spouse as you obey, honor, and please the Lord.

Share what God is saying to your heart, not what you think He needs to say to your mate.

One thing to remember in this culture is if we say something complimentary towards one gender, we aren’t saying something against the other.

Accentuate the positive and eliminate the negative with lots of love and respect in between.

Your hunger for God can create an appetite in your children.

If we subscribe to the belief that because we are equal we are the same, then we’re going to expect our spouse to respond the way we do.

When parents genuinely trust and follow the Lord and His ways, their faith spills over onto the children.

A major step toward a happy marriage is accepting differences and working them out with love and respect.

A man has a natural, inborn desire to go out and “conquer” the challenges of his world – to work and achieve.

Good intentions do not always produce good words or outcomes.

God is good and wants what is best for us.

Thank the Lord for the goodwill each of you has toward the other. Ask Him for strength to give each other the benefit of the doubt during moments when someone’s goodwill seems to be lacking. “He who seeks good finds goodwill, but evil comes to him who searches for it.” (Proverbs 11:27)

[Husbands] the most powerful weapons you have are your ears. Just listen to your wife, and she is much more likely to feel understood.

Trust God when the “why’s” of life threaten to overwhelm you.

Whose voice are you listening to: Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?

Holding back your love or respect will just keep the Crazy Cycle spinning away, but being mature and making the first move could slow it down.

Money squabbles don’t undermine love and respect; they simply reveal unloving and disrespectful attitudes, which are the real reason why a marriage can start to wobble on the Crazy Cycle.

In your marriage be the first to “seek peace and pursue it” (1 Peter 3:11)

Unconditional respect means we confront their wrongdoings respectfully. We do not become uncivil because they are. Who they fail to be does not determine who we will be.

We have to step back as Christ followers and ask, “Do I have false expectations that my relationship should be romantic 99% of the time?”

The woman absolutely needs love, and the man absolutely needs respect. It’s as simple- and as difficult- as that.

Christian maturity involves a lot of things, but surely it includes knowing how to process your anger.

Do you seek to understand or only to be understood?

As mature men, we need to take leadership and put this out on the table. We must acknowledge our feelings- we need to feel respected. However, as we do this we must acknowledge our wife’s feelings- she needs to feel loved!

Responding to offensive words or actions with your own offensive words and actions is damaging and unproductive.

In the ultimate sense, your marriage has nothing to do with your spouse. It has everything to do with your relationship to Jesus Christ.

We all need love and respect equally. But, during conflict our felt needs are as different as pink is from blue.

Thank God for His forgiveness of your mistakes. In trying to be a loving man or a respectful woman, we blow it. Owning up to mistakes is never easy, but it is always the way to move forward. Take good care not to accuse your spouse of mistakes as you pray. Also, pray about any forgiving to be done in the family, any forgiveness that needs to be asked. Children may need forgiveness (and what about Mom and Dad?). “There is no one on earth who does what is right all the time and never makes a mistake.” (Ecclesiastes 7:20)

Your wife feels you are open with her when you discuss financial concerns, possible job changes or ideas for your future.

We are equal but we are not the same.

Be quick to listen and understand and you have a much better chance of being understood.

Pink and Blue perceptions not only affect seeing, they affect hearing as well. Women hear with pink hearing aids and men hear with blue hearing aids. Even more important to understand as you and your spouse seek to gain better communication, you can hear the very same words, but each of you will hear different messages.

Do not live by the standards of Hollywood; trust what God says in His Holy Word.

Unconditional love or respect is never wasted. Hang onto this promise: “Let us not lose heart in doing good, for in due time we will reap if we do not grow weary” (Galatians 6:9).

Stay the course regardless of the child’s respect and obedience. This is the Family Rewarded Cycle: a parents love unto Christ regardless of the child.

God’s commands are there to help us, not to hinder us or hold us back as male and female.

His love blesses regardless of her respect; her respect blesses regardless of his love.

Both Judas and Peter denied Jesus Christ, but there is a huge difference between a Judas and a Peter.

Unconditional respect, like unconditional love, is all about how one sounds (tone of voice and word choice) and appears (facial expressions and physical actions).

The heart of my communication means the other person cannot get my heart to be unkind, unloving, or disrespectful. Instead, I have made a decision about who I will be independent of the other person. I won’t blame my unkindness on someone else.

You cannot use unholy means to achieve a worthy end.

Don’t label each other as bad because you differ on how you solve your troubles.

It’s true that women have intuition and that men should listen to them. It’s also true that women have blind spots and need the insight of their husbands.

Mutual understanding, not communication, is the key to a healthy marriage relationship.

Each of you must focus on what God is calling you to do toward your spouse. Do not focus on what you think God is calling your spouse to do toward you.

Husbands primarily want to hear ‘respect” talk during conflict. Wives primarily want to hear “love” talk during conflict.

Assume goodwill about the person you are in conflict with.

Your spouse has a need that you don’t have. Are you going to say there is something seriously wrong with them or will you say “Viva la Difference”?

You speak lovingly or respectfully no matter how your spouse may speak to you in return. Your spouse is not the reason--good or bad--why you speak unconditional words of love or respect. God is the reason, and as you depend on Him, you will become increasingly able to speak lovingly and respectfully to your spouse.

Optimism or pessimism? It is always a choice, no matter what your natural temperament.

A marriage relationship will be energized when couples learn how to motivate each other God’s way.

At the very bottom of things, in every case and in every conversation, you can do your marriage a huge favor by assuming she is seeking to feel loved or he is seeking to feel respected and give your spouse some grace!

Feeling unloved, a wife gets defensive and acts offensively without respect. Feeling disrespected, a husband gets defensive and acts offensively without love.

Refuse to let evil turn you into a contemptuous and hateful person.

Here is the secret to marriage that every couple seeks and yet few find: Unconditional respect is as powerful for him as unconditional love is for her. It’s the secret that will help you achieve a brand new level of intimacy.

Most marriages will succeed when obeying the command to Love and Respect.

When sorting out how to slow down the Crazy Cycle, it helps to remember that men are commanded to love because they don’t love naturally, and on the other side, women are commanded to respect because they don’t respect naturally.

Whether visiting a prison, feeding the hungry, giving the thirsty a drink or speaking a word of love or respect, everything is to be done to and for Christ.

You both forgive for one simple but profound reason: because you know Christ has forgiven you!

She’ll feel at peace with you when you let her vent your frustrations and hurts and don’t get angry and close her off.

Marital researchers agree that a huge percentage of communication problems between husband and wife are due not to what is said but to how it is said – the attitude and tone of voice.

It’s crucial to communicate with the right tone of voice and the right expression on your face.

Words of Love or Respect must uplift your spouse, edifying- never manipulating him or her.

A woman needs love like she needs air to breathe. A man needs respect like he needs air to breathe.

There is a plan to parent God’s way, even when our children may seek to go their own way at time. The secret is to follow this plan regardless. When you do, I believe you succeed in His eyes.

Life is too short to fuss and fret over trivial irritations.

Every marriage includes trouble some of the time. Do not let the 20% leaven all the rest.

So I encourage every husband and wife to commit to the Jesus Way of Talking. Instead of allowing the stress of the situation to control you, you can say to yourself, “Because I love the Lord and I know that He rewards every good word, I am going to be truthful even if my spouse is not. I will also be uplifting, forgiving, thankful and scriptural in my speech because my ultimate goal is to please the Lord. Whatever my spouse’s weaknesses or bad habits might be, I will not let them cause me to sin with my lips.”

Husbands, even Jesus Himself was asked by a woman, “Do you not care?” (Luke 10:40) When your wife accuses you of not caring, decode her deeper meaning.

Negative actions rarely produce positive results.

Assuming goodwill can be revolutionary in relationships.

Let the Lord change you, but don’t try to change each other.

How we react to a situation reveals more about us than about the other person.

When evil comes at you, you’re the one who makes the choice of whether or not it is going to go into you.

Being a person who communicates what is true frequently demands tact, and at times it can feel like sidestepping land mines. It takes work to be both truthful and tactful.

We have discovered that as women motivate their man God’s way, men are energized to love them better. It doesn’t matter if your marriage is good or seems like there is no hope. We have seen God move in powerful ways even when things looked hopeless.

Always remember that Pink and Blue have different wiring, different preferences. Assume your spouse has goodwill toward you, no matter what. Both of you can be right, while being different.

The Crazy Cycle is, indeed “the evil of folly and the foolishness of madness” (Ecclesiastes 7:25)