Motivating Your Man God’s Way: Applying One Word That Energizes Him to Love

Thank the Lord for the goodwill each of you has toward the other. Ask Him for strength to give each other the benefit of the doubt during moments when someone’s goodwill seems to be lacking. “He who seeks good finds goodwill, but evil comes to him who searches for it.” (Proverbs 11:27)

Your wife feels you are open with her when you discuss financial concerns, possible job changes or ideas for your future.

Marriage is a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and your reverence for Jesus Christ.

“With eyes of faith, envision Jesus standing just beyond the shoulder of your spouse and listening to every word you speak in every conversation, pleasant or tense. When you speak lovingly or respectfully to your spouse, you are speaking to Christ. Your spouse just happens to be there too.” This truth has sanctified the lips of many. Instead of giving their spouse a verbal whipping or choking on the idea of saying anything positive, now some spouses are motivated to speak words of unconditional love or respect.

Unconditional respect is as powerful to him as unconditional love is to her.

You cannot use unholy means to achieve a worthy end.

We are worth Jesus to the Father.

We fool ourselves into thinking the other person causes us to be the way we are. They really don’t! But if we lock into that idea, we become helpless, hopeless victims.

We have different vulnerabilities. We can pass judgment on one another all day long or we can say God made us different and that’s ok.

Words of love from a husband are like good medicine that brings life to the marriage.

In your marriage be the first to “seek peace and pursue it” (1 Peter 3:11)

When a husband chooses to come across lovingly even though he feels disrespected, he can prevent the Crazy Cycle from spinning and possibly getting out of control.

A wife has one driving need: to feel loved. When that need is met, she is happy. A husband has one driving need: to feel respected. When that need is met, he is happy. When either of these needs isn’t met, things get crazy with conflict.

You can experience hurt, but it is your choice to hate.

Respect for the husband is just as important as love for the wife.

It’s crucial to communicate with the right tone of voice and the right expression on your face.

Do not live by the standards of Hollywood; trust what God says in His Holy Word.

Christian maturity involves a lot of things, but surely it includes knowing how to process your anger.

Your marriage is a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and reverence for Jesus Christ. God is using your spouse to bring you an eternal reward.

If a husband loves his wife as he should, she will feel honored and respected. If a wife respects her husband as she should, he will feel loved and appreciated. It’s a win-win.

Marital researchers agree that a huge percentage of communication problems between husband and wife are due not to what is said but to how it is said – the attitude and tone of voice.

The woman absolutely needs love, and the man absolutely needs respect. It’s as simple- and as difficult- as that.

In the ultimate sense, your marriage has nothing to do with your spouse. It has everything to do with your relationship to Jesus Christ.

It is so easy to draw wrong conclusions about a spouse’s character and motives due to an occasional flare-up or silly comment.

Assume goodwill about the person you are in conflict with.

Optimism or pessimism? It is always a choice, no matter what your natural temperament.

Words of Love or Respect must uplift your spouse, edifying- never manipulating him or her.

Before hitting send, ask yourself, "Have I listened carefully and understand the exact issue on the table?"

[Women], your self-love cannot be derived from your husband’s love. It can affect it, but it does not determine it.

Don’t pressure yourself with perfection. We are going to fail. A righteous man falls 7 times but gets back up.

Mistakes can’t be undone, but they can be forgiven.

You have two ears and one mouth; use them proportionately.

[Husbands] do you realize the power of just holding your wife’s hand?

Let the Lord change you, but don’t try to change each other.

Often both spouses have goodwill but are not deciphering each other’s code. She criticizes out of love, but he “hears” only disrespect. He distances himself to prevent feelings from escalating, which is the honorable thing to do, but she “sees” only his failure to be loving!

“You can be right, but wrong at the top of your voice.”

Often the apparent issue isn’t the real issue; the real issue is always a matter of love or respect.

Whether visiting a prison, feeding the hungry, giving the thirsty a drink or speaking a word of love or respect, everything is to be done to and for Christ.

Your hunger for God can create an appetite in your children.

With a better understanding of God’s promises, you will be on your way to a renewed mind and a changed life.

Here is the secret to marriage that every couple seeks and yet few find: Unconditional respect is as powerful for him as unconditional love is for her. It’s the secret that will help you achieve a brand new level of intimacy.

Just because you may feel unloved or disrespected does not mean your spouse is sending that message.

Your spouse deserves the truth from you. Do your best to tell it with love and respect.

So I encourage every husband and wife to commit to the Jesus Way of Talking. Instead of allowing the stress of the situation to control you, you can say to yourself, “Because I love the Lord and I know that He rewards every good word, I am going to be truthful even if my spouse is not. I will also be uplifting, forgiving, thankful and scriptural in my speech because my ultimate goal is to please the Lord. Whatever my spouse’s weaknesses or bad habits might be, I will not let them cause me to sin with my lips.”

She’ll feel at peace with you when you let her vent your frustrations and hurts and don’t get angry and close her off.

Knowing my spouse will not be able to love or respect me perfectly, I commit to having a forgiving spirit so that I may never speak hatefully or contemptuously.

When sorting out how to slow down the Crazy Cycle, it helps to remember that men are commanded to love because they don’t love naturally, and on the other side, women are commanded to respect because they don’t respect naturally.

Stay the course regardless of the child’s respect and obedience. This is the Family Rewarded Cycle: a parents love unto Christ regardless of the child.

When others do not respond to our communication, we need to look first at our communication style. Is the other person incapable of hearing what we have to say? Or are we abrupt, brusque, and curt?

I had often asked God to compensate for my mistakes, but in return had I thought He would give me perfect children?

Truth will carry its own weight if delivered respectfully and lovingly.

Words of wisdom for all husbands and wives are these: We easily see what is done to us before we see what we are doing to our mate.

I have concluded that those of us in the church who believe we have the Truth are not using the whole truth. A crucial part of God’s Word has been completely ignored, or perhaps simply gone unnoticed, when it has been there right under our noses the whole time! Many Christian spouses know Ephesians 5:33 and can at least paraphrase it. The Apostle Paul tells husbands to love their wives as much as they love themselves, and wives are to respect their husbands. But is anyone really listening? Perhaps the first step to better communication between husband and wife is to hear what God’s Word clearly says. --Emerson

The parent-child relationship is as easy, and as difficult, as love and respect.

The Crazy Cycle is, indeed, “the evil of folly and the foolishness of madness” (Ecclesiastes 7:25).

Parenting is a faith venture. As we parent “unto Christ” we reap God’s reward, “knowing that whatever good anyone does, he will receive the same from the Lord” (Eph. 6:8 NKJV)

You can be right but wrong at the top of your voice.

Research and experience prove that men and women see and hear differently. Recognizing these differences and adjusting to them is absolutely necessary for reaching mutual understanding and better communication.

We have to step back as Christ followers and ask, “Do I have false expectations that my relationship should be romantic 99% of the time?”

We easily see what is done to us before we see what we are doing to our mate.

Don’t label each other as bad because you differ on how you solve your troubles.

We get on the Crazy Cycle because without love a wife reacts without respect, and without respect a husband reacts without love.

Be quick to listen and understand and you have a much better chance of being understood.

When there is confusion, I try to refrain from attacking another for not listening carefully (which may not be the case). Instead, I take a run at communicating again, but more clearly.

Be a part of the solution, not part of the problem.

When a wife feels unloved, it can be such a shock to her heart that she is oblivious to her disrespectful reactions toward her husband, though any man watching could see it plainly.

God is good and wants what is best for us.

Avoid like the plague trying to punish each other as a means of “motivation.” Christ-followers instinctively know that this destroys any opportunity to act out of reverence for Christ. In all marital issues, love and reverence for Christ must be our primary motivation.

Suppressing negative feelings is not loving, respectful or very wise. Speak up tactfully.

Responding to offensive words or actions with your own offensive words and actions is damaging and unproductive.

Unconditional respect means we confront their wrongdoings respectfully. We do not become uncivil because they are. Who they fail to be does not determine who we will be.

A husband may deserve contempt, but that doesn’t win him any more than harshness and anger wins the heart of a woman.

A man has a natural, inborn desire to go out and “conquer” the challenges of his world – to work and achieve.

When Jesus said “turn the other cheek,” He wasn’t saying to be passive wimps. He was teaching that physically people can control you but if you turn and give the other cheek, suddenly you’re in control and you’re making the choices.

Focus on the positive in the midst of the negative, and the Energizing Cycle will keep right on humming.

When you look to God and His Word as your ultimate source of significance and security, you don’t demand that your spouse take that role in your life. And as you draw strength from the Lord individually, He draws you closer together as a couple.

The Love and Respect message is not about a husband earning his wife’s respect by being more loving any more than it is about a wife earning her husband’s love by being more respectful. Always love or respect is given unconditionally according to God’s commands.

You’re the only person in the world who can meet your spouse’s deepest need for love and respect. After all, you alone are married to your spouse.

Your words reveal your heart.

Pink and Blue perceptions not only affect seeing, they affect hearing as well. Women hear with pink hearing aids and men hear with blue hearing aids. Even more important to understand as you and your spouse seek to gain better communication, you can hear the very same words, but each of you will hear different messages.

I often stress that one of the greatest rewards any persevering spouse can have is being a good example and influence on the children in the family.

We all need to wrestle with the spiritual truth that God is good. If you don’t believe God is good, you won’t trust His word. If you don’t trust His word, you will find excuses to ignore His commands.

Each of you must focus on what God is calling you to do toward your spouse. Do not focus on what you think God is calling your spouse to do toward you.

To build a lasting legacy, use proven wisdom that you glean from the Lord.

We can communicate the truth in the best of manners, but the person may be so insecure he or she can only react and attack like a wounded bear.

How we react to a situation reveals more about us than about the other person.

You have to become proactive, rather than just trying to stop the reactive.

We might say that every negative action in the family has an equal and opposite negative reaction.

Do you seek to understand or only to be understood?

Love and Respect is a faith venture, not a formula.

It is hard to be negative while being thankful.

Husbands, to energize your wife give her face-to-face time, allowing her to talk and share her feelings.

Good intentions do not always produce good words or outcomes.

Our trustworthiness rests on our truthfulness.

Marriage is a tool and a test to allow God’s will to be revealed in our lives.

God is not trying to trick you or mess with you. Trust that He wants to reveal Himself to you just as much as He wants to reveal Himself to the world.

Recognize your different gifts--how each of you (Pink and Blue) functions according to God’s perfect design.

As a wife, if you can start to understand how important your husband’s work is to him, you will take a giant step toward communicating respect and honor, two things that he values even more than your love.

Whose voice are you listening to: Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?

You both forgive for one simple but profound reason: because you know Christ has forgiven you!