Motivating Your Man God’s Way: Applying One Word That Energizes Him to Love

As you pray together, you will truly learn to love and respect together.

Thank the Lord for all the trouble-free moments in which you and your spouse enjoy Him, each other, your family, your ministry and life as a whole. Ask Him for the strength to accept your measure of trouble, and the wisdom to deal with the annoyances and irritations by loving and respecting each other with new commitment. (You may also want to pray about troubles at work, at church, with the children…) “But those who marry will have trouble in this life” (1 Corinthians 7:28)

Recognize your different gifts--how each of you (Pink and Blue) functions according to God’s perfect design.

I often stress that one of the greatest rewards any persevering spouse can have is being a good example and influence on the children in the family.

Your position in Christ is what counts, not your less-than-perfect performance.

Your spouse has a need that you don’t have. Are you going to say there is something seriously wrong with them or will you say “Viva la Difference”?

We all need to wrestle with the spiritual truth that God is good. If you don’t believe God is good, you won’t trust His word. If you don’t trust His word, you will find excuses to ignore His commands.

When a husband chooses to come across lovingly even though he feels disrespected, he can prevent the Crazy Cycle from spinning and possibly getting out of control.

When you’re truly Christ-centered, instead of child-centered, you will be a more effective parent in the long run.

A marriage relationship will be energized when couples learn how to motivate each other God’s way.

With a better understanding of God’s promises, you will be on your way to a renewed mind and a changed life.

Thank the Lord that in the very beginning He created them male and female – Blue and Pink. Ask Him for patience and ever-growing understanding of how men and women see and hear differently. “He created them male and female, and He blessed them.” (Genesis 5:2)

Men are solution oriented, they love to solve problems. They want to be helpful.

Christian maturity involves a lot of things, but surely it includes knowing how to process your anger.

It is crucial for a husband and wife to see that neither one is wrong, but both of them are very different--in body function, outlook and perspective.

It is hard to be negative while being thankful.

Before hitting send, ask yourself, "Have I listened carefully and understand the exact issue on the table?"

When we speak before we think, we widen the chances the other person(s) will be notably hurt, frustrated, confused, angry, fearful, or offended by something we’ve communicated.

Through Jesus and Peter, God set forth His standard for living in the unconditional dimension: choose to be loving even when the other person is not; do what is right regardless of the treatment you receive. I believe this standard applies directly to marriage. A husband who speaks lovingly to his disrespectful wife will be rewarded; and a wife who speaks respectfully to her unloving, not-worthy-of-respect husband will be rewarded. Whether you are husband or wife, the reward is what can keep you going in the midst of the craziness: knowing that God commends you, knowing that you have found his favor for your words and actions.

If husbands and wives are to understand the Love and Respect Connection, they must realize that they communicate in code. And the problem is, they don’t know how to decipher the messages they send to one another.

There is a plan to parent God’s way, even when our children may seek to go their own way at time. The secret is to follow this plan regardless. When you do, I believe you succeed in His eyes.

Be friendly. Be friendly. Be friendly. Watch what happens.

Do you give yourself grace and your spouse judgment?

Never give up. If you want to have a strong marriage, you need to accept temporary setbacks as part of the game.

Will we decide how we see God based on our circumstances, or will we see our circumstances in light of how we view God?

Marriage is a test of how you unconditionally love and respect your spouse as you obey, honor, and please the Lord.

To get offended is easy, but to forgive is within your power as you walk in His steps.

Don’t pressure yourself with perfection. We are going to fail. A righteous man falls 7 times but gets back up.

Don’t conclude that your spouse is wrong when he/she is seeking to do the right and righteous thing.

Husbands, to energize your wife give her face-to-face time, allowing her to talk and share her feelings.

Getting married reveals, usually sooner than later, an incontestable fact: your spouse cannot possibly meet all your needs and desires

Marital researchers agree that a huge percentage of communication problems between husband and wife are due not to what is said but to how it is said – the attitude and tone of voice.

The difference between successful couples and unsuccessful couples is that successful ones keep getting up and dealing with the issues.

A wife has one driving need--to feel loved. When that need is met she is happy. A husband has one driving need--to feel respected. When that need is met he is happy. When either of these needs isn’t met, things get crazy. Love and Respect reveals why spouses react negatively to each other, and how they can deal with such conflict quickly, easily and biblically.

Your marriage is really a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and reverence for your Lord.

If we subscribe to the belief that because we are equal we are the same, then we’re going to expect our spouse to respond the way we do.

[Husbands] do you realize the power of just holding your wife’s hand?

He will feel appreciated when you disagree with him only in private and honor his authority in front of the kids.

Your marriage is a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and reverence for Jesus Christ. God is using your spouse to bring you an eternal reward.

You may believe that the careless, unloving or disrespectful words you speak are because your spouse is causing you to speak this way, but Jesus says that it is coming out of your heart.

When a husband feels disrespected, he has a natural tendency to react in ways that feel unloving to his wife. (Perhaps the command to love was given to him precisely for this reason!) When a wife feels unloved, she has a natural tendency to react in ways that feel disrespectful to her husband. (Perhaps the command to respect was given to her precisely for this reason!)

A woman needs love like she needs air to breathe. A man needs respect like he needs air to breathe.

We have different vulnerabilities. We can pass judgment on one another all day long or we can say God made us different and that’s ok.

Focus on the positive in the midst of the negative, and the Energizing Cycle will keep right on humming.

How we react to a situation reveals more about us than about the other person.

Although the Crazy Cycle is not what God intends for any marriage, all couples get on it at times from one degree to another.

If a husband is commanded to agape- love his wife, then she truly needs love.

Responding to offensive words or actions with your own offensive words and actions is damaging and unproductive.

Husbands, even Jesus Himself was asked by a woman, “Do you not care?” (Luke 10:40) When your wife accuses you of not caring, decode her deeper meaning.

You can be right but wrong at the top of your voice.

When others do not respond to our communication, we need to look first at our communication style. Is the other person incapable of hearing what we have to say? Or are we abrupt, brusque, and curt?

Your spouse can have a need that you don’t have and that’s okay.

Do you believe that there is a God who really loves you and wants to help you?

Here is the secret to marriage that every couple seeks and yet few find: Unconditional respect is as powerful for him as unconditional love is for her. It’s the secret that will help you achieve a brand new level of intimacy.

Negative actions rarely produce positive results.

Be a part of the solution, not part of the problem.

Feeling unloved, a wife gets defensive and acts offensively without respect. Feeling disrespected, a husband gets defensive and acts offensively without love.

Your husband knows you appreciate his desire to protect and provide when you praise his commitment to provide for you. You empathize when he reveals his male mindset about position, status, or rank at work.

It’s so easy to dismiss our spouse as childish because we don’t have the same vulnerabilities they do.

Good intentions do not always produce good words or outcomes.

Stay the course regardless of the child’s respect and obedience. This is the Family Rewarded Cycle: a parents love unto Christ regardless of the child.

[Women], as you enter quiet dignity, not preaching at your husband or scolding him as though you were his mother, something happens in his soul as a male.

When you look to God and His Word as your ultimate source of significance and security, you don’t demand that your spouse take that role in your life. And as you draw strength from the Lord individually, He draws you closer together as a couple.

One thing to remember in this culture is if we say something complimentary towards one gender, we aren’t saying something against the other.

This is the Rewarded Cycle: His love blesses regardless of her respect and her respect blesses regardless of his love.

Do not live by the standards of Hollywood; trust what God says in His Holy Word.

A parent needs to feel respected, especially during conflicts...A child need to feel loved, especially during disputes.

His love blesses regardless of her respect; her respect blesses regardless of his love.

Each of you must focus on what God is calling you to do toward your spouse. Do not focus on what you think God is calling your spouse to do toward you.

Women give a report to build rapport. Men bond through shoulder-to-shoulder activities without talking.

It’s true that women have intuition and that men should listen to them. It’s also true that women have blind spots and need the insight of their husbands.

In your marriage be the first to “seek peace and pursue it” (1 Peter 3:11)

Fight like a loving man and a respectful woman. Fight fair.

Often both spouses have goodwill but are not deciphering each other’s code. She criticizes out of love, but he “hears” only disrespect. He distances himself to prevent feelings from escalating, which is the honorable thing to do, but she “sees” only his failure to be loving!

He will feel appreciated when you recognize his problem-solving approach as his male brand of empathy.

When a wife feels unloved, it can be such a shock to her heart that she is oblivious to her disrespectful reactions toward her husband, though any man watching could see it plainly.

Accidental sparks (unwise remarks) ignite and fuel a fire, and vroom goes the Crazy Cycle.

It’s hard to realize that we would never act around our business associates the way we act around our spouse.

I have concluded that those of us in the church who believe we have the Truth are not using the whole truth. A crucial part of God’s Word has been completely ignored, or perhaps simply gone unnoticed, when it has been there right under our noses the whole time! Many Christian spouses know Ephesians 5:33 and can at least paraphrase it. The Apostle Paul tells husbands to love their wives as much as they love themselves, and wives are to respect their husbands. But is anyone really listening? Perhaps the first step to better communication between husband and wife is to hear what God’s Word clearly says. --Emerson

Assuming goodwill can be revolutionary in relationships.

Clarifying is what you do before you step on your mate’s air hose and deflate his or her spirit. For example, you are having a typical conversation, but you can tell there is a misunderstanding. One of you isn’t being clear or isn’t hearing correctly. Then and there you clarify the misunderstanding before your spouse’s spirit deflates. You lovingly or respectfully clarify matters so that your spouse will not feel unloved or disrespected. The reason you take pains to clarify a seemingly small matter is to prevent the situation from becoming a love and respect issue that needs decoding. Clarifying is what you do to stay off the Crazy Cycle and keep positive, energetic feelings flowing between the two of you, to keep yourselves on the Energizing Cycle.

Whether visiting a prison, feeding the hungry, giving the thirsty a drink or speaking a word of love or respect, everything is to be done to and for Christ.

Your words reveal your heart.

Clearly, in the marriage, in the family and in the household, when you speak words of blessing, you are speaking to the Lord, and for this you will be rewarded.

Accentuate the positive and eliminate the negative with lots of love and respect in between.

Optimism or pessimism? It is always a choice, no matter what your natural temperament.

The more we are upset at something, the wiser it is to let twenty-four hours pass before responding.

We easily see what is done to us before we see what we are doing to our mate.

Your spouse deserves the truth from you. Do your best to tell it with love and respect.

To not forgive is to shoot yourself in the foot and put extra gas in the Crazy Cycle.

Whose voice are you listening to: Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?

Trusting and obeying God’s Word because we love and reverence God never, ever makes us a hypocrite! When the alarm goes off in the morning, we get up, even when we don’t feel like it getting up. Because we do what we don’t feel like doing, does that make us hypocrites? No, it’s a sign we are responsible people. Showing respectful behavior when we don’t “feel respectful” is evidence of maturity.

Unconditional respect means we confront their wrongdoings respectfully. We do not become uncivil because they are. Who they fail to be does not determine who we will be.

It’s crucial to communicate with the right tone of voice and the right expression on your face.

To stay the course in speaking words of Love and Respect, keep your heart in Scripture, trusting in and talking about His promises to help you.

God’s commands are there to help us, not to hinder us or hold us back as male and female.

When you relinquish an offense, you need to send that offense somewhere. So follow Jesus’ example and release it to your heavenly Father.

The Love and Respect message is not about a husband earning his wife’s respect by being more loving any more than it is about a wife earning her husband’s love by being more respectful. Always love or respect is given unconditionally according to God’s commands.

If you are seeking positive change in your marriage, you will need to make a positive change in your attitude and actions.

No matter what your struggle- criticism, constant conflict, sex, money, parenting, harsh words- learning to communicate the Love and Respect way can help you make crucial changes and build the kind of relationship that God blesses.