Motivating Your Man God’s Way: Applying One Word That Energizes Him to Love

Above all trust God when the “whys” of life threaten to overwhelm you.

Since it is easy to focus on the negative, focus on your mate’s good qualities and express thanks with positive words of Love or Respect.

Wives, you never know: The way you handle this [conflict] might bring your husband not only back to you, but to God. Husbands, you never know: The way you handle this [conflict] might bring your wife not only back to you, but to God. (1 Corinthians 7:16)

[Husbands] as the church places her burdens on Christ, so a woman needs to place her burdens on her husband. When she shares with you, don’t assume she is asking you to solve the problem. Ask your wife, “Do you want a solution or a listening ear?”

Your marriage is really a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and reverence for your Lord.

If you want your husband to express appreciation for your attempts to be respectful, you must speak thankfully when he tries to be loving.

We easily see what is done to us before we see what we are doing to our mate.

Whose voice are you listening to: Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?

Your position in Christ is what counts, not your less-than-perfect performance.

He will feel appreciated when you recognize his problem-solving approach as his male brand of empathy.

We have discovered that as women motivate their man God’s way, men are energized to love them better. It doesn’t matter if your marriage is good or seems like there is no hope. We have seen God move in powerful ways even when things looked hopeless.

It’s so easy to dismiss our spouse as childish because we don’t have the same vulnerabilities they do.

Feeling unloved, a wife gets defensive and acts offensively without respect. Feeling disrespected, a husband gets defensive and acts offensively without love.

When you possess a forgiving spirit, words of Love and Respect will flow authentically from your lips- and realize that the Lord Himself is listening to you at moments like these. He knows you are not powerless, but actually full of power that He has granted you.

Optimism or pessimism? It is always a choice, no matter what your natural temperament.

The difference between successful couples and unsuccessful couples is that successful ones keep getting up and dealing with the issues.

When sorting out how to slow down the Crazy Cycle, it helps to remember that men are commanded to love because they don’t love naturally, and on the other side, women are commanded to respect because they don’t respect naturally.

No matter what your struggle- criticism, constant conflict, sex, money, parenting, harsh words- learning to communicate the Love and Respect way can help you make crucial changes and build the kind of relationship that God blesses.

Be a part of the solution, not part of the problem.

As a husband, if you can grasp that you don’t always have to solve your wife’s problems, you will take a giant step toward showing her empathy and understanding.

Money squabbles don’t undermine love and respect; they simply reveal unloving and disrespectful attitudes, which are the real reason why a marriage can start to wobble on the Crazy Cycle.

Avoid like the plague trying to punish each other as a means of “motivation.” Christ-followers instinctively know that this destroys any opportunity to act out of reverence for Christ. In all marital issues, love and reverence for Christ must be our primary motivation.

As you pray together, you will truly learn to love and respect together.

A major step toward a happy marriage is accepting differences and working them out with love and respect.

Positive changes flood a relationship immediately when both husband and wife cancel the blame game!

We are equal but we are not the same.

Husbands, to energize your wife give her face-to-face time, allowing her to talk and share her feelings.

God’s commands are not burdensome, but are given to us to spare us from more pain. Why would God command you to do something that doesn’t work?

God is not pink. God is not blue. God is purple. When two become one, they have the potential of displaying God’s attributes and character.

The Crazy Cycle is, indeed “the evil of folly and the foolishness of madness” (Ecclesiastes 7:25)

God is good and wants what is best for us.

To not forgive is to shoot yourself in the foot and put extra gas in the Crazy Cycle.

God is not trying to trick you or mess with you. Trust that He wants to reveal Himself to you just as much as He wants to reveal Himself to the world.

To stay the course in speaking words of Love and Respect, keep your heart in Scripture, trusting in and talking about His promises to help you.

Do you give yourself grace and your spouse judgment?

The heart of my communication means the other person cannot get my heart to be unkind, unloving, or disrespectful. Instead, I have made a decision about who I will be independent of the other person. I won’t blame my unkindness on someone else.

Being a person who communicates what is true frequently demands tact, and at times it can feel like sidestepping land mines. It takes work to be both truthful and tactful.

Words of Love or Respect must uplift your spouse, edifying- never manipulating him or her.

The Crazy Cycle is, indeed, “the evil of folly and the foolishness of madness” (Ecclesiastes 7:25).

When a wife asks, “Do you love me?” She is not trying to put her husband on the spot. She is simply looking for reassurance.

The woman absolutely needs love, and the man absolutely needs respect. It’s as simple- and as difficult- as that.

When a wife insists that her husband earn her respect, she puts him in a lose-lose situation.

We are worth Jesus to the Father.

We blame people for the bad things we do, but take credit for the good things we do.

No matter how difficult your spouse may be at the moment, your spouse does not have control over your reaction; you do. You may be experiencing disappointment, frustration, or anger, but you always have a choice.

When Jesus said “turn the other cheek,” He wasn’t saying to be passive wimps. He was teaching that physically people can control you but if you turn and give the other cheek, suddenly you’re in control and you’re making the choices.

Unconditional love or respect is never wasted. Hang onto this promise: “Let us not lose heart in doing good, for in due time we will reap if we do not grow weary” (Galatians 6:9).

Fight like a loving man and a respectful woman. Fight fair.

We all need to wrestle with the spiritual truth that God is good. If you don’t believe God is good, you won’t trust His word. If you don’t trust His word, you will find excuses to ignore His commands.

It is hard to be negative while being thankful.

Getting married reveals, usually sooner than later, an incontestable fact: your spouse cannot possibly meet all your needs and desires

The moment we cry to Him for help, He is already pleased. He gives us strength to love our children.

Will we decide how we see God based on our circumstances, or will we see our circumstances in light of how we view God?

Men are solution oriented, they love to solve problems. They want to be helpful.

When a husband chooses to do or say something loving, and that includes saying, ‘I’m sorry for coming across in an unloving way,’ he energizes his wife. When a wife decides to express herself respectfully, and that includes apologizing for her disrespectful attitude, she energizes her husband.

When you’re truly Christ-centered, instead of child-centered, you will be a more effective parent in the long run.

You speak lovingly or respectfully no matter how your spouse may speak to you in return. Your spouse is not the reason--good or bad--why you speak unconditional words of love or respect. God is the reason, and as you depend on Him, you will become increasingly able to speak lovingly and respectfully to your spouse.

Wives, to energize your husband do an activity with him, shoulder-to-shoulder, without talking.

If husbands and wives are to understand the Love and Respect Connection, they must realize that they communicate in code. And the problem is, they don’t know how to decipher the messages they send to one another.

You’re the only person in the world who can meet your spouse’s deepest need for love and respect. After all, you alone are married to your spouse.

[Women], as you enter quiet dignity, not preaching at your husband or scolding him as though you were his mother, something happens in his soul as a male.

When confronting your spouse, attack the behavior, not the person.

You cannot use unholy means to achieve a worthy end.

It is so easy to draw wrong conclusions about a spouse’s character and motives due to an occasional flare-up or silly comment.

When you love or respect unconditionally regardless of the outcome, you are following God and His will for you.

Marital researchers agree that a huge percentage of communication problems between husband and wife are due not to what is said but to how it is said – the attitude and tone of voice.

A man has a natural, inborn desire to go out and “conquer” the challenges of his world – to work and achieve.

We have different vulnerabilities. We can pass judgment on one another all day long or we can say God made us different and that’s ok.

You can experience hurt, but it is your choice to hate.

The more we are upset at something, the wiser it is to let twenty-four hours pass before responding.

In the ultimate sense you marriage has nothing to do with your spouse. It has everything to do with your relationship with Jesus Christ.

Focus on the positive in the midst of the negative, and the Energizing Cycle will keep right on humming.

You can be right but wrong at the top of your voice.

You have two ears and one mouth; use them proportionately.

God designed the woman to love. He’s not going to command her to agape her husband when He created her to do that in the first place. God is not into redundancy.

When you relinquish an offense, you need to send that offense somewhere. So follow Jesus’ example and release it to your heavenly Father.

When there is confusion, I try to refrain from attacking another for not listening carefully (which may not be the case). Instead, I take a run at communicating again, but more clearly.

Recognize your different gifts--how each of you (Pink and Blue) functions according to God’s perfect design.

Your husband knows you value his friendship when you tell him you like him and you show it (he knows you love him, but he often wonders if you really like him).

Words of Love and Respect must include thankfulness spoken to or about your spouse; don’t fixate on weaknesses and faults.

Mutual understanding, not communication, is the key to a healthy marriage relationship.

Here is the secret to marriage that every couple seeks and yet few find: Unconditional respect is as powerful for him as unconditional love is for her. It’s the secret that will help you achieve a brand new level of intimacy.

Parenting is a faith venture. As we parent “unto Christ” we reap God’s reward, “knowing that whatever good anyone does, he will receive the same from the Lord” (Eph. 6:8 NKJV)

Accidental sparks (unwise remarks) ignite and fuel a fire, and vroom goes the Crazy Cycle.

Your words reveal your heart.

Never give up. If you want to have a strong marriage, you need to accept temporary setbacks as part of the game.

Always see your mate as an ally. Feedback is of little use if you see your spouse as an enemy. Giving and receiving constructive feedback is based on feelings of goodwill in both partners. Both of you need to remember that, even if you don’t always agree and even if you become irritated or angry, you are friends, and neither of you means to hurt the other.

[Husbands] do you realize the power of just holding your wife’s hand?

It’s crucial to communicate with the right tone of voice and the right expression on your face.

The mature one in the marriage seldom moves second.

A most significant point of this book is this: If what we think is true, kind, necessary, and clear, we need to have the courage to hit send. This isn’t about refraining from speaking; this is about speaking.

Pink and Blue perceptions not only affect seeing, they affect hearing as well. Women hear with pink hearing aids and men hear with blue hearing aids. Even more important to understand as you and your spouse seek to gain better communication, you can hear the very same words, but each of you will hear different messages.

With a better understanding of God’s promises, you will be on your way to a renewed mind and a changed life.

Assuming goodwill can be revolutionary in relationships.

Husbands primarily want to hear ‘respect” talk during conflict. Wives primarily want to hear “love” talk during conflict.

Most marriages will succeed when obeying the command to Love and Respect.

Words of love from a husband are like good medicine that brings life to the marriage.

A parent needs to feel respected, especially during conflicts...A child need to feel loved, especially during disputes.

In your marriage be the first to “seek peace and pursue it” (1 Peter 3:11)

You must “ask God from the wealth of his glory to give you power through his Spirit to be strong in your inner selves.”