Motivating Your Man God’s Way: Applying One Word That Energizes Him to Love

Trust God when the “why’s” of life threaten to overwhelm you.

Unconditional respect is as powerful to him as unconditional love is to her.

Marriage is a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and your reverence for Jesus Christ.

Marriage is a tool and a test to allow God’s will to be revealed in our lives.

A major step toward a happy marriage is accepting differences and working them out with love and respect.

Christian maturity involves a lot of things, but surely it includes knowing how to process your anger.

If husbands and wives are to understand the Love and Respect Connection, they must realize that they communicate in code. And the problem is, they don’t know how to decipher the messages they send to one another.

Getting married reveals, usually sooner than later, an incontestable fact: your spouse cannot possibly meet all your needs and desires

With a better understanding of God’s promises, you will be on your way to a renewed mind and a changed life.

How we react to a situation reveals more about us than about the other person.

Stay the course regardless of the child’s respect and obedience. This is the Family Rewarded Cycle: a parents love unto Christ regardless of the child.

Whose voice are you listening to: Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?

Each of you must focus on what God is calling you to do toward your spouse. Do not focus on what you think God is calling your spouse to do toward you.

Do you understand that God feels compassion for you, no matter what you have done or what your circumstances may be?

Men are solution oriented, they love to solve problems. They want to be helpful.

When Jesus said “turn the other cheek,” He wasn’t saying to be passive wimps. He was teaching that physically people can control you but if you turn and give the other cheek, suddenly you’re in control and you’re making the choices.

No matter what your struggle- criticism, constant conflict, sex, money, parenting, harsh words- learning to communicate the Love and Respect way can help you make crucial changes and build the kind of relationship that God blesses.

Husbands, to energize your wife give her face-to-face time, allowing her to talk and share her feelings.

Your spouse can affect you, but your spouse does not control you.

Just because you may feel unloved or disrespected does not mean your spouse is sending that message.

One thing to remember in this culture is if we say something complimentary towards one gender, we aren’t saying something against the other.

Parenting is a faith venture. As we parent “unto Christ” we reap God’s reward, “knowing that whatever good anyone does, he will receive the same from the Lord” (Eph. 6:8 NKJV)

Our trustworthiness rests on our truthfulness.

You can experience hurt, but it is your choice to hate.

When there is confusion, I try to refrain from attacking another for not listening carefully (which may not be the case). Instead, I take a run at communicating again, but more clearly.

When you look to God and His Word as your ultimate source of significance and security, you don’t demand that your spouse take that role in your life. And as you draw strength from the Lord individually, He draws you closer together as a couple.

Most marriages will succeed when obeying the command to Love and Respect.

Negative actions rarely produce positive results.

Recognize your different gifts--how each of you (Pink and Blue) functions according to God’s perfect design.

Do you seek to understand or only to be understood?

If you want your husband to express appreciation for your attempts to be respectful, you must speak thankfully when he tries to be loving.

Always try to look at your spouse the way Jesus does.

There is a plan to parent God’s way, even when our children may seek to go their own way at time. The secret is to follow this plan regardless. When you do, I believe you succeed in His eyes.

Before hitting send, ask yourself, "Have I listened carefully and understand the exact issue on the table?"

Assuming goodwill can be revolutionary in relationships.

Love and Respect is a faith venture, not a formula.

If a husband is commanded to agape- love his wife, then she truly needs love.

He will feel appreciated when you recognize his problem-solving approach as his male brand of empathy.

Marriage is a test of how you unconditionally love and respect your spouse as you obey, honor, and please the Lord.

[Women], as you enter quiet dignity, not preaching at your husband or scolding him as though you were his mother, something happens in his soul as a male.

To build a lasting legacy, use proven wisdom that you glean from the Lord.

[Husbands] as the church places her burdens on Christ, so a woman needs to place her burdens on her husband. When she shares with you, don’t assume she is asking you to solve the problem. Ask your wife, “Do you want a solution or a listening ear?”

The Lord made women (Pink) and men (Blue) with differences, and He expects us to recognize and deal with those differences in a loving and respectful way.

A woman needs love like she needs air to breathe. A man needs respect like he needs air to breathe.

Never give up. If you want to have a strong marriage, you need to accept temporary setbacks as part of the game.

If we subscribe to the belief that because we are equal we are the same, then we’re going to expect our spouse to respond the way we do.

Our research shows that couples who pray together are more apt to reap all kinds of benefits, including better and more frequent communication, going on “dates” more frequently and having sex more frequently.

Husbands, even Jesus Himself was asked by a woman, “Do you not care?” (Luke 10:40) When your wife accuses you of not caring, decode her deeper meaning.

Through Jesus and Peter, God set forth His standard for living in the unconditional dimension: choose to be loving even when the other person is not; do what is right regardless of the treatment you receive. I believe this standard applies directly to marriage. A husband who speaks lovingly to his disrespectful wife will be rewarded; and a wife who speaks respectfully to her unloving, not-worthy-of-respect husband will be rewarded. Whether you are husband or wife, the reward is what can keep you going in the midst of the craziness: knowing that God commends you, knowing that you have found his favor for your words and actions.

When we feel crippling discouragement by the sinful choices and outcomes of our kids, we must not let this permanently deter us from parenting God’s way.

Mutual understanding, not communication, is the key to a healthy marriage relationship.

No one can really practice Love and Respect unless he or she does it as unto Jesus Christ.

Your position in Christ is what counts, not your less-than-perfect performance.

You have two ears and one mouth; use them proportionately.

The heart of my communication means the other person cannot get my heart to be unkind, unloving, or disrespectful. Instead, I have made a decision about who I will be independent of the other person. I won’t blame my unkindness on someone else.

Your husband knows you value his friendship when you tell him you like him and you show it (he knows you love him, but he often wonders if you really like him).

Don’t label each other as bad because you differ on how you solve your troubles.

We are either going to give in the darkness or we are going to give into the darkness.

As mature men, we need to take leadership and put this out on the table. We must acknowledge our feelings- we need to feel respected. However, as we do this we must acknowledge our wife’s feelings- she needs to feel loved!

This is the Rewarded Cycle: His love blesses regardless of her respect and her respect blesses regardless of his love.

“Respect is a man’s deepest value. I have had numerous men tell me, ‘I would rather live with a wife who respected me but did not love me than live with a wife who loved me but did not respect me.’ These men are not saying that they are indifferent to love. They know they need love, but they need to feel respected even more than they need to feel loved.“

When the wife flatly says her husband will have to earn her respect before she gives him any, she leaves the husband in a lose-lose situation. Now he is responsible for both love and respect in the relationship. He must unconditionally love his wife and earn her respect.

It is hard to be negative while being thankful.

She’s not wrong for not being male. He is not wrong for not being female. When you put pink and blue together, you get purple, the color of royalty; the color of God. Together, a husband and wife reflect God’s image.

To not forgive is to shoot yourself in the foot and put extra gas in the Crazy Cycle.

Optimism or pessimism? It is always a choice, no matter what your natural temperament.

So I encourage every husband and wife to commit to the Jesus Way of Talking. Instead of allowing the stress of the situation to control you, you can say to yourself, “Because I love the Lord and I know that He rewards every good word, I am going to be truthful even if my spouse is not. I will also be uplifting, forgiving, thankful and scriptural in my speech because my ultimate goal is to please the Lord. Whatever my spouse’s weaknesses or bad habits might be, I will not let them cause me to sin with my lips.”

I had often asked God to compensate for my mistakes, but in return had I thought He would give me perfect children?

You both forgive for one simple but profound reason: because you know Christ has forgiven you!

When you play the blame game your marriage never wins.

A marriage relationship will be energized when couples learn how to motivate each other God’s way.

Share what God is saying to your heart, not what you think He needs to say to your mate.

Unconditional respect means we confront their wrongdoings respectfully. We do not become uncivil because they are. Who they fail to be does not determine who we will be.

When you relinquish an offense, you need to send that offense somewhere. So follow Jesus’ example and release it to your heavenly Father.

Research shows that 70% of the couples who were extremely unhappy in their marriage, but hung in there and worked through the tough time, identified themselves as being very happy five years later.

Holding back your love or respect will just keep the Crazy Cycle spinning away, but being mature and making the first move could slow it down.

Being a person who communicates what is true frequently demands tact, and at times it can feel like sidestepping land mines. It takes work to be both truthful and tactful.

The more we are upset at something, the wiser it is to let twenty-four hours pass before responding.

Often both spouses have goodwill but are not deciphering each other’s code. She criticizes out of love, but he “hears” only disrespect. He distances himself to prevent feelings from escalating, which is the honorable thing to do, but she “sees” only his failure to be loving!

God’s commands are not burdensome, but are given to us to spare us from more pain. Why would God command you to do something that doesn’t work?

Clarifying is what you do before you step on your mate’s air hose and deflate his or her spirit. For example, you are having a typical conversation, but you can tell there is a misunderstanding. One of you isn’t being clear or isn’t hearing correctly. Then and there you clarify the misunderstanding before your spouse’s spirit deflates. You lovingly or respectfully clarify matters so that your spouse will not feel unloved or disrespected. The reason you take pains to clarify a seemingly small matter is to prevent the situation from becoming a love and respect issue that needs decoding. Clarifying is what you do to stay off the Crazy Cycle and keep positive, energetic feelings flowing between the two of you, to keep yourselves on the Energizing Cycle.

A strong woman of dignity puts on respect out of her love and reverence for Jesus Christ. She trusts that His word not only protects and empowers her, but also rewards her with incomprehensible eternal blessings.

God rewards your obedience to love and respect, even if your spouse does not respond!

Thank the Lord that in the very beginning He created them male and female – Blue and Pink. Ask Him for patience and ever-growing understanding of how men and women see and hear differently. “He created them male and female, and He blessed them.” (Genesis 5:2)

We can communicate the truth in the best of manners, but the person may be so insecure he or she can only react and attack like a wounded bear.

There is a discrepancy between who we want to be and see ourselves to be and how we actually sound in voice and writing. But with self-reflection and honesty, we can turn the corner and improve our communication. We need only evaluate what we are about to communicate.

You speak lovingly or respectfully no matter how your spouse may speak to you in return. Your spouse is not the reason--good or bad--why you speak unconditional words of love or respect. God is the reason, and as you depend on Him, you will become increasingly able to speak lovingly and respectfully to your spouse.

Mutual submission is the only way to live fairly together with mutual authority.

The difference between successful couples and unsuccessful couples is that successful ones keep getting up and dealing with the issues.

We all need love and respect equally. But, during conflict our felt needs are as different as pink is from blue.

As you pray together, you will truly learn to love and respect together.

The Crazy Cycle is, indeed “the evil of folly and the foolishness of madness” (Ecclesiastes 7:25)

When a wife feels unloved, it can be such a shock to her heart that she is oblivious to her disrespectful reactions toward her husband, though any man watching could see it plainly.

Troubles over sex and money do not cause a marriage to go under. The lack of love and respect during conflict cause the marriage to go under.

Do not live by the standards of Hollywood; trust what God says in His Holy Word.

Accentuate the positive and eliminate the negative with lots of love and respect in between.

If a husband chooses to be a peacemaker--taking the needs and concerns of his wife totally into account during any kind of argument or conflict--his wife will be motivated in turn to respond to his authority during stalemates.

We all need to wrestle with the spiritual truth that God is good. If you don’t believe God is good, you won’t trust His word. If you don’t trust His word, you will find excuses to ignore His commands.

We are worth Jesus to the Father.

We have different vulnerabilities. We can pass judgment on one another all day long or we can say God made us different and that’s ok.