Before You Hit Send

No one can really practice Love and Respect unless he or she does it as unto Jesus Christ.

Your wife will feel esteemed when you speak highly of her in front of others.

Although the Crazy Cycle is not what God intends for any marriage, all couples get on it at times from one degree to another.

Words of Love or Respect must uplift your spouse, edifying- never manipulating him or her.

We get on the Crazy Cycle because without love a wife reacts without respect, and without respect a husband reacts without love.

Clearly, in the marriage, in the family and in the household, when you speak words of blessing, you are speaking to the Lord, and for this you will be rewarded.

It’s hard to realize that we would never act around our business associates the way we act around our spouse.

Stay the course regardless of the child’s respect and obedience. This is the Family Rewarded Cycle: a parents love unto Christ regardless of the child.

We can communicate the truth in the best of manners, but the person may be so insecure he or she can only react and attack like a wounded bear.

Feeling unloved, a wife gets defensive and acts offensively without respect. Feeling disrespected, a husband gets defensive and acts offensively without love.

Marriage is a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and your reverence for Jesus Christ.

It is crucial for a husband and wife to see that neither one is wrong, but both of them are very different--in body function, outlook and perspective.

Your spouse can have a need that you don’t have and that’s okay.

Your marriage is a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and reverence for Jesus Christ. God is using your spouse to bring you an eternal reward.

Just because you’re offended doesn’t mean the other person is offensive.

To not forgive is to shoot yourself in the foot and put extra gas in the Crazy Cycle.

Being friendly to her man is one of the most effective things a woman can do to strengthen her marriage.

Each of you must focus on what God is calling you to do toward your spouse. Do not focus on what you think God is calling your spouse to do toward you.

Wives, you never know: The way you handle this [conflict] might bring your husband not only back to you, but to God. Husbands, you never know: The way you handle this [conflict] might bring your wife not only back to you, but to God. (1 Corinthians 7:16)

He will feel appreciated when you recognize his problem-solving approach as his male brand of empathy.

When your wife comes to talk to you, listen to her. Realize she is coming to you because you matter more to her than anyone else. She has certain emotional needs and only you can meet them. Sometimes she may say things that don’t make sense to you and she is apt to misspeak and exaggerate when she is upset, but don’t put her down. Instead, listen to her heart. Give her a chance to express her concerns and, as she does so, don’t try to fix her. Don’t give her your solutions unless she asks for them.

God is not pink. God is not blue. God is purple. When two become one, they have the potential of displaying God’s attributes and character.

When a husband chooses to do or say something loving, and that includes saying, ‘I’m sorry for coming across in an unloving way,’ he energizes his wife. When a wife decides to express herself respectfully, and that includes apologizing for her disrespectful attitude, she energizes her husband.

Wives, to energize your husband do an activity with him, shoulder-to-shoulder, without talking.

No matter what your struggle- criticism, constant conflict, sex, money, parenting, harsh words- learning to communicate the Love and Respect way can help you make crucial changes and build the kind of relationship that God blesses.

You cannot use unholy means to achieve a worthy end.

[Husbands] as the church places her burdens on Christ, so a woman needs to place her burdens on her husband. When she shares with you, don’t assume she is asking you to solve the problem. Ask your wife, “Do you want a solution or a listening ear?”

Men are solution oriented, they love to solve problems. They want to be helpful.

Refuse to let evil turn you into a contemptuous and hateful person.

We are either going to give in the darkness or we are going to give into the darkness.

The woman absolutely needs love, and the man absolutely needs respect. It’s as simple- and as difficult- as that.

There is a plan to parent God’s way, even when our children may seek to go their own way at time. The secret is to follow this plan regardless. When you do, I believe you succeed in His eyes.

Here is the secret to marriage that every couple seeks and yet few find: Unconditional respect is as powerful for him as unconditional love is for her. It’s the secret that will help you achieve a brand new level of intimacy.

No matter how difficult your spouse may be at the moment, your spouse does not have control over your reaction; you do. You may be experiencing disappointment, frustration, or anger, but you always have a choice.

Both Judas and Peter denied Jesus Christ, but there is a huge difference between a Judas and a Peter.

Life is too short to fuss and fret over trivial irritations.

Words of Love and Respect must include thankfulness spoken to or about your spouse; don’t fixate on weaknesses and faults.

His love blesses regardless of her respect; her respect blesses regardless of his love.

When a husband feels disrespected, it is especially hard to love his wife. When a wife feels unloved, it is especially hard to respect her husband.

[Husbands] do you realize the power of just holding your wife’s hand?

You may believe that the careless, unloving or disrespectful words you speak are because your spouse is causing you to speak this way, but Jesus says that it is coming out of your heart.

When you come home after you have been apart, the first few moments of reconnecting will set the tone for the rest of the evening.

When a wife insists that her husband earn her respect, she puts him in a lose-lose situation.

You must “ask God from the wealth of his glory to give you power through his Spirit to be strong in your inner selves.”

Share what God is saying to your heart, not what you think He needs to say to your mate.

We must bring our identity in Christ to our parenting—we must not derive our identity from our children.

The moment we cry to Him for help, He is already pleased. He gives us strength to love our children.

I have concluded that those of us in the church who believe we have the Truth are not using the whole truth. A crucial part of God’s Word has been completely ignored, or perhaps simply gone unnoticed, when it has been there right under our noses the whole time! Many Christian spouses know Ephesians 5:33 and can at least paraphrase it. The Apostle Paul tells husbands to love their wives as much as they love themselves, and wives are to respect their husbands. But is anyone really listening? Perhaps the first step to better communication between husband and wife is to hear what God’s Word clearly says. --Emerson

If we subscribe to the belief that because we are equal we are the same, then we’re going to expect our spouse to respond the way we do.

You have to become proactive, rather than just trying to stop the reactive.

It’s crucial to communicate with the right tone of voice and the right expression on your face.

Accentuate the positive and eliminate the negative with lots of love and respect in between.

When sorting out how to slow down the Crazy Cycle, it helps to remember that men are commanded to love because they don’t love naturally, and on the other side, women are commanded to respect because they don’t respect naturally.

Mutual understanding, not communication, is the key to a healthy marriage relationship.

When the wife flatly says her husband will have to earn her respect before she gives him any, she leaves the husband in a lose-lose situation. Now he is responsible for both love and respect in the relationship. He must unconditionally love his wife and earn her respect.

Recognize your different gifts--how each of you (Pink and Blue) functions according to God’s perfect design.

We are equal but we are not the same.

We all need to wrestle with the spiritual truth that God is good. If you don’t believe God is good, you won’t trust His word. If you don’t trust His word, you will find excuses to ignore His commands.

Thank God for joining you together and for allowing you to trust Him to help you, whatever the issue. God is there for you and expects you to look to Him to keep you together as a team, so ask Him for His help in the smallest of concerns. “So they are no longer two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate.” (Matthew 19:6)

The Lord made women (Pink) and men (Blue) with differences, and He expects us to recognize and deal with those differences in a loving and respectful way.

If a husband chooses to be a peacemaker--taking the needs and concerns of his wife totally into account during any kind of argument or conflict--his wife will be motivated in turn to respond to his authority during stalemates.

Your wife feels you are open with her when you discuss financial concerns, possible job changes or ideas for your future.

How we react to a situation reveals more about us than about the other person.

Clarifying is what you do before you step on your mate’s air hose and deflate his or her spirit. For example, you are having a typical conversation, but you can tell there is a misunderstanding. One of you isn’t being clear or isn’t hearing correctly. Then and there you clarify the misunderstanding before your spouse’s spirit deflates. You lovingly or respectfully clarify matters so that your spouse will not feel unloved or disrespected. The reason you take pains to clarify a seemingly small matter is to prevent the situation from becoming a love and respect issue that needs decoding. Clarifying is what you do to stay off the Crazy Cycle and keep positive, energetic feelings flowing between the two of you, to keep yourselves on the Energizing Cycle.

Husbands, to energize your wife give her face-to-face time, allowing her to talk and share her feelings.

If husbands and wives are to understand the Love and Respect Connection, they must realize that they communicate in code. And the problem is, they don’t know how to decipher the messages they send to one another.

Do not live by the standards of Hollywood; trust what God says in His Holy Word.

As a wife, if you can start to understand how important your husband’s work is to him, you will take a giant step toward communicating respect and honor, two things that he values even more than your love.

Your marriage is really a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and reverence for your Lord.

Getting married reveals, usually sooner than later, an incontestable fact: your spouse cannot possibly meet all your needs and desires

With a better understanding of God’s promises, you will be on your way to a renewed mind and a changed life.

As strong and powerful as marriage bonds can become, our deepest dependency must be on the Lord, not another human being.

Our research shows that couples who pray together are more apt to reap all kinds of benefits, including better and more frequent communication, going on “dates” more frequently and having sex more frequently.

When you’re truly Christ-centered, instead of child-centered, you will be a more effective parent in the long run.

Parenting is a faith venture. As we parent “unto Christ” we reap God’s reward, “knowing that whatever good anyone does, he will receive the same from the Lord” (Eph. 6:8 NKJV)

Words of wisdom for all husbands and wives are these: We easily see what is done to us before we see what we are doing to our mate.

God’s commands are not burdensome, but are given to us to spare us from more pain. Why would God command you to do something that doesn’t work?

Always remember that Pink and Blue have different wiring, different preferences. Assume your spouse has goodwill toward you, no matter what. Both of you can be right, while being different.

Thank the Lord for the goodwill each of you has toward the other. Ask Him for strength to give each other the benefit of the doubt during moments when someone’s goodwill seems to be lacking. “He who seeks good finds goodwill, but evil comes to him who searches for it.” (Proverbs 11:27)

Your spouse may meet many of your needs, but your deepest dependency should be on your Lord.

When a wife asks, “Do you love me?” She is not trying to put her husband on the spot. She is simply looking for reassurance.

[Husbands] the most powerful weapons you have are your ears. Just listen to your wife, and she is much more likely to feel understood.

The Crazy Cycle is, indeed, “the evil of folly and the foolishness of madness” (Ecclesiastes 7:25).

To build a lasting legacy, use proven wisdom that you glean from the Lord.

When a wife feels unloved, it can be such a shock to her heart that she is oblivious to her disrespectful reactions toward her husband, though any man watching could see it plainly.

We fool ourselves into thinking the other person causes us to be the way we are. They really don’t! But if we lock into that idea, we become helpless, hopeless victims.

We easily see what is done to us before we see what we are doing to our mate.

There is a discrepancy between who we want to be and see ourselves to be and how we actually sound in voice and writing. But with self-reflection and honesty, we can turn the corner and improve our communication. We need only evaluate what we are about to communicate.

Be quick to listen and understand and you have a much better chance of being understood.

Always see your mate as an ally. Feedback is of little use if you see your spouse as an enemy. Giving and receiving constructive feedback is based on feelings of goodwill in both partners. Both of you need to remember that, even if you don’t always agree and even if you become irritated or angry, you are friends, and neither of you means to hurt the other.

You can be right but wrong at the top of your voice.

Marital researchers agree that a huge percentage of communication problems between husband and wife are due not to what is said but to how it is said – the attitude and tone of voice.

Unconditional respect is as powerful to him as unconditional love is to her.

You have two ears and one mouth; use them proportionately.

Positive changes flood a relationship immediately when both husband and wife cancel the blame game!

A woman needs love like she needs air to breathe. A man needs respect like he needs air to breathe.

Unconditional love or respect is never wasted. Hang onto this promise: “Let us not lose heart in doing good, for in due time we will reap if we do not grow weary” (Galatians 6:9).

There is power and freedom that comes in understanding that no one can cause you to react in a certain way. It is your choice.

Don’t conclude that your spouse is wrong when he/she is seeking to do the right and righteous thing.

Money squabbles don’t undermine love and respect; they simply reveal unloving and disrespectful attitudes, which are the real reason why a marriage can start to wobble on the Crazy Cycle.