Become a member and gain unlimited access to content, courses, and webinars.
The Love & Respect



Unlimited Access To All Our Content

Inside The Love & Respect Membership

  • Love & Respect and 10 Week Study ($149 value)
  • 13 Online Courses With More Coming!
  • Access over 775+ Articles
  • Weekly Podcast - 145+ Episodes
  • Ask Emerson Videos - 60+
  • Collections - Curated Topics For You
  • Webinars Throughout The Year
and more to come...
Return to the homepage
Image duration icon
min read
Oops! Something went wrong.

How To Respect Your Husband When You Don’t

Play Arrow
Watch Intro Video

How To Respect Your Husband When You Don’t

We love getting stories from people who believe their spouse is the one with the all the problems, only to discover they have a part to play as well. Let’s hear what one wife has to say about her discovery of Ephesians 5:33.

“I Don’t Respect You”

My husband and I had been fighting, like really badly. I was so hurt and he kept telling me I needed to respect him and I needed to submit to him.  

When we fight, we don't yell; we've worked on that aspect of our marriage for over a year now.

I just told him flat out, "I don't respect you, you don't give me any reason to respect you."

When I said those words, it ended the argument immediately. He walked away and went to work.

I Was Keeping Track

That day I began a four day journaling of all the reasons I didn't respect him. I was keeping track of everything he did that made me lose respect even more.  

Proof of how wrong he is.  

It was two days into it that he came home late from work and slept in the living room. I didn't realize it because I was sleeping when he got home.  

The next day I did not go to church with him. I felt like I could not be in church with him with all the bad feelings I had inside of me.    

I Felt Free...I Had Won

He came home and told me I needed to call our counselor back and he would not be sleeping in our bedroom anymore. I was almost elated.  

That night, I had the best night's sleep. I felt no tension, I was so high on my self-righteous attitude that I felt free...right...I had won.

On Monday, God started talking to me and I began researching because our counselor wouldn't be able to see us for over 3 weeks. I didn't want to live in a hostile environment for that long.

I Was On My High Horse

I Googled how to respect your husband when you don't. After reading blog after blog it was “respect your husband, submit yourself.” I was so frustrated.  

I came across your book (Love & Respect) and decided to download a free sample of it. It contained the first 100 pages of the book.  

I bought it. The first 100 pages really annoyed me. All this talk of women "getting it"  just felt so irritating.  

After I bought it I finished reading C.O.U.P.L.E: How to Spell Love to Your Wife (chapters 8-14) and my attitude started to change. I was on my high horse (still) thinking, I'm going to make him read this.

God Was Dealing With Me

BTW, the Crazy Cycle is the best way to describe a marital slump!

Then the kids came home and I couldn't read any more of the book. That night, I didn't sleep as well, as God was dealing with me.

The next morning as soon as I got our children off to school, I Googled an image search of the Crazy Cycle and printed it out. Under it I wrote James 1:19 because that has been my verse this year. I have been working on not yelling, trying to listen to my kids and others. I thought I would apply this concept.

Then I picked up the book and began reading the section on C.H.A.I.R.S: How to Spell Respect to Your Husband (Chapters 15-21). Before I read, I prayed for God to help me. I wanted our marriage to work.  I was seeking God's will.

I Confessed My Sin

As I was reading, I was instantly convicted. I had been self-righteous, contentious, spiteful and sinful.  

What I did next God instructed me to do. I took each letter (of the acronym C.H.A.I.R.S.) and wrote beside it the reason I needed to respect my husband and why he did have my respect.  

I also confessed my sin with each one.  

As soon as I finished the "S", my husband came home early from work, something he NEVER does. God was in this the whole time. I put our 2 year old down for a nap and I tried to compose myself of my tears.

He Hugged Me The Tightest He Ever Had

Before he walked out the door to go to our church and work, I asked if I could talk to him. He agreed and sat down.

I instantly started sobbing. I told him I read your book and I needed to tell him I was sorry. All I could do was read what I wrote about how I respect him. When I wrote them down, I was very cognizant of not saying any "buts,” or “howevers.”  

When I finished, my husband came over to me, and hugged me the tightest he ever had before.  It was so genuine.  He then told me he was sorry for neglecting me.  

I didn't let him read my four day rant of keeping track of all his actions.

It Has Seriously Changed Me And My Attitude

He wanted to know what I had read and wanted to give the author a hug.  I told him he needed to read it though.  It has seriously changed me and my attitude.  

During those four days (when we weren’t speaking) I did something to him that I had to confess.  

He has house shoes that as soon as he comes home from work, he puts them on.  I was cleaning and for the millionth time, I was picking them up.  

I was angry at him and I hid them from him.

I Was Scared

I watched him for two days asking the kids where they were and him blaming our two year old for carrying them off. He wasn't talking to me, so he never asked me.  

I felt convicted to tell him what I had done.  

I was really afraid that was going to destroy everything I had just said to him. I went and got them, handed them to him and told him I was sorry for acting in anger (a sin) and asked for forgiveness AGAIN. I was scared.

An Immediate Healing!

His response was even more shocking. He laughed! He said he'd been looking for them for days. I told him I knew that.  

We made up instantly! INSTANTLY!!!! That has never happened. Usually once the makeup process happens, it still takes a few days to heal.  

This was an immediate healing.

I Was No Longer A Hypocrite

I paid special attention to a few parts of the book.  One "how can I show him respect and not be a hypocrite?”

After reading CHAIRS, I was no longer a hypocrite.  

The other aspect I was really in tune with was Satan will use sex as a tool to make you sin before marriage and then use it as a tool to come between a marriage.  

That couldn't be more head on for our marriage!

Of all the self-help books, marriage books, and parenting books I have ever read, this has by far been the most life changing.

I Feel So At Peace Now

Usually I pick pieces here and there that relate to me, alter it and make it fit me.  How can you possibly pick and chose with this book?!?!? Complete biblical principle; you can't pick and choose with God.  

Following God's will was the hardest, yet easiest thing I have done. I obeyed God and he definitely blessed me, INSTANTLY!  I have finished reading the rest so hopefully we will be riding the other two cycles now.  

I feel so at peace now.  Thank you for following God's will in writing this book.  



We appreciate her honesty! Yes, showing Love and Respect can be the hardest, yet easiest thing you can do.

~ Emerson

Emerson Eggerichs, Ph.D.
Author, Speaker, Pastor

Questions to Consider

Instead of keeping track of what your spouse is doing wrong, will you start keeping track of what God is asking you to do?