How to Impact Others' Marriage
My name is Matt Loehr, founder of Dare to be Different and now director of marriage mentoring at Love and Respect. Dr. Emerson Eggerichs and I partnered a couple years ago and together we have trained over seven thousand mentors all over the world. When speaking at a church recently, I asked the congregation to raise their hands if they knew of someone wanting out of their marriage. A flood of emotion filled the room as thousands raised their hands in the air.
Because the sad truth is, everyone has been touched by the fallout of divorce—maybe by a friend, a family member, or personal experience. Unfortunately, most of us are very aware of a marital crisis near us and would love to help them find hope and real healing before they divorce.
Here is a powerful testimony from a couple who was trained as marriage mentors:
One day while mowing my lawn, I noticed my neighbor was on the back deck talking to a woman who wasn't his wife. As a trained mentor, I was acutely aware of “healthy boundaries” for myself and others. Though I did find it concerning, I just checked it off as “not my business.” My wife and I became very close to our neighbors over the upcoming months as we discovered our mutual love for God and how deeply involved we both were in our respective churches. I soon discovered my neighbor was a fitness and health instructor and operated his business from his home while his wife worked at a nearby firm. With one young child and another on the way, they seemed like everything was great.
One night while mentoring a different couple, I got a text from my neighbor. "I need to see you right away, it's an emergency." I quickly ran over to their house after the mentoring session and saw him lying on the kitchen floor heaving with anguish, having what seemed like an anxiety attack. It took me only a few seconds to discern what was happening. My neighbor kept uttering words that were hard to figure out. "I . . . have . . . been . . . having . . . an affair." He would eventually share that he had been having an affair for a while and just got caught by someone at the church.
After he calmed down, I told him to confess to his wife that evening in private then go see his pastor to face the music. I also offered that he and his wife could get ten weeks of mentoring by us.
They decided to have my wife and I help them through their hopeless valley. That night after he confessed to his pregnant wife, we walked into their home and dove deep into their despair with Love and Respect. I was comforting him as my wife was embracing and comforting his wife. After a couple hours together, his wife walked up to him and reached out for an embrace. "I forgive you," she whispered. "Let's get mentored."
It was one of the most powerful moments I had ever seen as she gave him mercy and forgiveness. For ten weeks we mentored our neighbors using the mentoring process we were trained in. We began uncovering all their issues and facing them individually. We kept seeing miracles and breakthroughs as they discovered the real issues behind the surface issues. We were able to help them understand how to be more loving and respectful in the right areas, to build better boundaries, and to face the issues that led up to the affair. Their marriage was fully restored.
They had their second child and one year later got trained to be marriage mentors. Now they mentor other couples with no hope and God is using them in a powerful way. We became lifelong friends and watched their children grow up together with a mom and a dad.
Here is what they had to say about the mentoring process:
Spending ten weeks with a mentor couple saved our marriage. We experienced an affair in our marriage and had no idea who to turn to. Our mentor couple loved on us and took us through a process where we not only found forgiveness and repentance but we redesigned how we communicate. I learned how to be more loving as a husband, and she learned how to be more respectful as a wife. Their process forced us to face the real issues behind the issue. God really transformed our hearts and our minds.
How about you? Do you have any desire to reach out to another couple like the above couple did with their hurting neighbors? They had no formal education in counseling or therapy. They simply got trained in how to be a Love and Respect Marriage Mentor and since have touched the lives of hundreds of couples in their area. Click here to see how to become a certified marriage mentor for Love and Respect. If you wait to help other couples until you have the perfect marriage, you'll never get off the ground.
God has a habit of using the least of us to do his greatest work.
Let that be YOU!
You can also reach out to Matt to find out more by contacting him at firstname.lastname@example.org.