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Sadly, many a man will not include his wife in decisions because he fears her input as an attempt to control him rather than as her desire to be his helpful teammate. Not only is this man extremely insecure (which calls into question his manhood), but some would call him imprudent.
Have you ever considered what sets humans apart from the other creatures on earth? The answer lies in a remarkable phenomenon called consciousness.
Over the years, I have heard from many women who feel they have more of a right to speak harshly and disrespectfully to their husband than he does to speak unlovingly toward her.
A minor unannounced U-turn after church escalates into hours of tears and despair for one wife, revealing how everyday preferences quickly spiral into the Crazy Cycle of missing love and respect.
As a new believer in Christ at age sixteen, I recall one night going outside my home in Peoria, Illinois, and crying out to God to show Himself to me to confirm that what I believed about Him was true. “Just appear to me!” I begged of God.
We often hear from women who fear that showing respect will demean them or turn them into a doormat. As one husband (Doug) said, his wife Shelly was “blessed with a strong personality.”
Sarah and I have just finished an exciting fall season with seven conferences all over the country and Canada. We are so grateful for each and every person who attended. The testimonies of lives changed, marriages transformed, and commitments made have humbled us. We are rejoicing!
We are in the middle of our busy fall conference season. While living out of suitcases and hotels is not everyone’s idea of fun, we are always filled with wonder and awe at God’s faithfulness as we get to experience changed lives. And when we receive a letter like this one – telling how a couple went on to share this transforming message with their friends, family and community after their own marriage was changed – well, nothing is more rewarding!
It’s been said that expectations often lead to disappointment. I tend to agree. In fact, when it comes to behavior in marriage, I would say this: When you do the right thing, expect two things: negative reactions or quiet unresponsiveness.
Occasionally someone will say to me, “Emerson, I’m contemplating your theory of love and respect…and I think you may be on to something.” I smile at this but I also clarify that this isn’t “my theory”…this is a command from the all-wise God in Ephesians 5:33, and this is why it is a message that resonates around the world. It’s not a message exclusive to Americans, or a certain age group, or ethnic group. The Love & Respect message is for men and women everywhere.
We’ve been talking about wedding anniversaries and romantic expectations… and how to get free from the blame game. Here’s a story from a wise wife who made a powerful discovery about her wedding anniversary:
Men, you may not be as romantic as your wife (you sleep during the movie Sleepless in Seattle), but you are a man of honor, and a man of honor discerns the desires in the heart of his wife. Let me recommend two things that feed the romance for her: she needs predictable face to face time with you and she wants periodic surprises.
Romance. Women generally want more of it…and men feel pressured to deliver. Why does it remain so elusive? Last week I shared how our different expectations as men and women can really mess up a romantic anniversary celebration. But this whole romance thing can get complicated for other reasons as well.
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