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Two Simple Things That Speak Romance to Her

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Men, you may not be as romantic as your wife (you sleep during the movie Sleepless in Seattle), but you are a man of honor, and a man of honor discerns the desires in the heart of his wife.

Let me recommend two things that feed the romance for her: she needs predictable face to face time with you and she wants periodic surprises.

Yes, I know for most men it isn’t romantic to sit and focus eye to eye with your wife while she shares her feelings (burdens), especially if you have heard it before. However, the best way to energize your wife, and even turn her on, is to give her your full, undivided attention when she talks to you. For example, set aside some time each evening for this. Sarah and I used to sit for 15 minutes each evening while she shared her day with me. She connected with me this way. I realized that Sarah had a need that I did not have, but I concluded that was ok. I was happy to meet that need and she respected me for it!

Because you need less emotional connection does not mean your wife should feel as you feel. One way to picture your marriage is with a line that has the word Involvement at one end and the word Independence at the other. In the typical marriage relationship, she leans more toward the “involvement” side (to connect!) and he leans more toward the “Independence” side. I am talking about the bell curve here. But here’s the deal. Men, when you get too independent (especially when you stonewall), she does not feel close to you and begins to feel you don’t love her. As a man of honor are you willing to step toward her and give her more of your heart and involvement, even if it appears she talks in ways that feel too negative and complaining to you? Truth is, you are the Christ-figure and she is casting her burden on you. When you act in this honorable way, she will feel fond feelings of admiration for you. Can you give her this gift?

Another way a woman feels loved is by little surprises. To her, it means that you are thinking about her…and that means you love her. Men, do whatever you need to do to remind yourself of this simple principle! Set a reminder on your phone to surprise your wife with a text that simply says “I love you”…or pick up a rose on the way home from work…or give her a call and tell her you’re picking up dinner. The surprises can be as simple as that…they need not be complicated or expensive or take weeks of planning.

So, be predictable and be unpredictable! Give her predictable time face to face and surprise her behind her back.


Emerson Eggerichs, Ph.D.
Author, Speaker, Pastor

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