Building Blocks Study Guide (10 Pack)

You must “ask God from the wealth of his glory to give you power through his Spirit to be strong in your inner selves.”

Can you begin to trust that God feels love for you even when you don’t feel that love?

The woman absolutely needs love, and the man absolutely needs respect. It’s as simple- and as difficult- as that.

If you want your wife to express appreciation for your attempts to be loving, you must use thankful words when she tries to speak or act respectfully.

We are worth Jesus to the Father.

If a husband is commanded to agape- love his wife, then she truly needs love.

Could you be facing a crisis in faith more than a crisis in your marriage?

Your wife feels you are open with her when you discuss financial concerns, possible job changes or ideas for your future.

“You can be right, but wrong at the top of your voice.”

Just because you’re offended doesn’t mean the other person is offensive.

Holding back your love or respect will just keep the Crazy Cycle spinning away, but being mature and making the first move could slow it down.

[Women], as you enter quiet dignity, not preaching at your husband or scolding him as though you were his mother, something happens in his soul as a male.

I often stress that one of the greatest rewards any persevering spouse can have is being a good example and influence on the children in the family.

Suppressing negative feelings is not loving, respectful or very wise. Speak up tactfully.

To build a lasting legacy, use proven wisdom that you glean from the Lord.

Truth will carry its own weight if delivered respectfully and lovingly.

Do you understand that God feels compassion for you, no matter what you have done or what your circumstances may be?

Marriage is a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and your reverence for Jesus Christ.

Unconditional respect means we confront their wrongdoings respectfully. We do not become uncivil because they are. Who they fail to be does not determine who we will be.

Clarifying is what you do before you step on your mate’s air hose and deflate his or her spirit. For example, you are having a typical conversation, but you can tell there is a misunderstanding. One of you isn’t being clear or isn’t hearing correctly. Then and there you clarify the misunderstanding before your spouse’s spirit deflates. You lovingly or respectfully clarify matters so that your spouse will not feel unloved or disrespected. The reason you take pains to clarify a seemingly small matter is to prevent the situation from becoming a love and respect issue that needs decoding. Clarifying is what you do to stay off the Crazy Cycle and keep positive, energetic feelings flowing between the two of you, to keep yourselves on the Energizing Cycle.

Often both spouses have goodwill but are not deciphering each other’s code. She criticizes out of love, but he “hears” only disrespect. He distances himself to prevent feelings from escalating, which is the honorable thing to do, but she “sees” only his failure to be loving!

Troubles over sex and money do not cause a marriage to go under. The lack of love and respect during conflict cause the marriage to go under.

Don’t conclude that your spouse is wrong when he/she is seeking to do the right and righteous thing.

She’s not wrong for not being male. He is not wrong for not being female. When you put pink and blue together, you get purple, the color of royalty; the color of God. Together, a husband and wife reflect God’s image.

Whose voice are you listening to: Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?

God designed the woman to love. He’s not going to command her to agape her husband when He created her to do that in the first place. God is not into redundancy.

When you love or respect unconditionally regardless of the outcome, you are following God and His will for you.

Our trustworthiness rests on our truthfulness.

We are either going to give in the darkness or we are going to give into the darkness.

When you look to God and His Word as your ultimate source of significance and security, you don’t demand that your spouse take that role in your life. And as you draw strength from the Lord individually, He draws you closer together as a couple.

Often the apparent issue isn’t the real issue; the real issue is always a matter of love or respect.

Positive changes flood a relationship immediately when both husband and wife cancel the blame game!

[Husbands] the most powerful weapons you have are your ears. Just listen to your wife, and she is much more likely to feel understood.

[Husbands] do you realize the power of just holding your wife’s hand?

Thank God for His forgiveness of your mistakes. In trying to be a loving man or a respectful woman, we blow it. Owning up to mistakes is never easy, but it is always the way to move forward. Take good care not to accuse your spouse of mistakes as you pray. Also, pray about any forgiving to be done in the family, any forgiveness that needs to be asked. Children may need forgiveness (and what about Mom and Dad?). “There is no one on earth who does what is right all the time and never makes a mistake.” (Ecclesiastes 7:20)

When a husband feels disrespected, it is especially hard to love his wife. When a wife feels unloved, it is especially hard to respect her husband.

Thank God for joining you together and for allowing you to trust Him to help you, whatever the issue. God is there for you and expects you to look to Him to keep you together as a team, so ask Him for His help in the smallest of concerns. “So they are no longer two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate.” (Matthew 19:6)

Money squabbles don’t undermine love and respect; they simply reveal unloving and disrespectful attitudes, which are the real reason why a marriage can start to wobble on the Crazy Cycle.

Parenting is a faith venture. As we parent “unto Christ” we reap God’s reward, “knowing that whatever good anyone does, he will receive the same from the Lord” (Eph. 6:8 NKJV)

When you relinquish an offense, you need to send that offense somewhere. So follow Jesus’ example and release it to your heavenly Father.

Assuming goodwill can be revolutionary in relationships.

Being a person who communicates what is true frequently demands tact, and at times it can feel like sidestepping land mines. It takes work to be both truthful and tactful.

Whether visiting a prison, feeding the hungry, giving the thirsty a drink or speaking a word of love or respect, everything is to be done to and for Christ.

Most marriages will succeed when obeying the command to Love and Respect.

When we speak before we think, we widen the chances the other person(s) will be notably hurt, frustrated, confused, angry, fearful, or offended by something we’ve communicated.

Wives, to energize your husband do an activity with him, shoulder-to-shoulder, without talking.

You’re the only person in the world who can meet your spouse’s deepest need for love and respect. After all, you alone are married to your spouse.

When we feel crippling discouragement by the sinful choices and outcomes of our kids, we must not let this permanently deter us from parenting God’s way.

As mature men, we need to take leadership and put this out on the table. We must acknowledge our feelings- we need to feel respected. However, as we do this we must acknowledge our wife’s feelings- she needs to feel loved!

Your spouse may meet many of your needs, but your deepest dependency should be on your Lord.

To not forgive is to shoot yourself in the foot and put extra gas in the Crazy Cycle.

Mutual submission is the only way to live fairly together with mutual authority.

Clearly, in the marriage, in the family and in the household, when you speak words of blessing, you are speaking to the Lord, and for this you will be rewarded.

You cannot use unholy means to achieve a worthy end.

Life is too short to fuss and fret over trivial irritations.

Never give up. If you want to have a strong marriage, you need to accept temporary setbacks as part of the game.

In the ultimate sense you marriage has nothing to do with your spouse. It has everything to do with your relationship with Jesus Christ.

When your wife comes to talk to you, listen to her. Realize she is coming to you because you matter more to her than anyone else. She has certain emotional needs and only you can meet them. Sometimes she may say things that don’t make sense to you and she is apt to misspeak and exaggerate when she is upset, but don’t put her down. Instead, listen to her heart. Give her a chance to express her concerns and, as she does so, don’t try to fix her. Don’t give her your solutions unless she asks for them.

When one of you makes a mistake, control any anger you may feel and trust God completely, no matter what happens.

The parent-child relationship is as easy, and as difficult, as love and respect.

Although the Crazy Cycle is not what God intends for any marriage, all couples get on it at times from one degree to another.

Stay the course regardless of the child’s respect and obedience. This is the Family Rewarded Cycle: a parents love unto Christ regardless of the child.

No one can really practice Love and Respect unless he or she does it as unto Jesus Christ.

A marriage relationship will be energized when couples learn how to motivate each other God’s way.

Pink and Blue perceptions not only affect seeing, they affect hearing as well. Women hear with pink hearing aids and men hear with blue hearing aids. Even more important to understand as you and your spouse seek to gain better communication, you can hear the very same words, but each of you will hear different messages.

A major step toward a happy marriage is accepting differences and working them out with love and respect.

Getting married reveals, usually sooner than later, an incontestable fact: your spouse cannot possibly meet all your needs and desires

Your spouse can have a need that you don’t have and that’s okay.

God is good and wants what is best for us.

Let the Lord change you, but don’t try to change each other.

Good intentions do not always produce good words or outcomes.

Do you seek to understand or only to be understood?

As a wife, if you can start to understand how important your husband’s work is to him, you will take a giant step toward communicating respect and honor, two things that he values even more than your love.

Women give a report to build rapport. Men bond through shoulder-to-shoulder activities without talking.

No matter how difficult your spouse may be at the moment, your spouse does not have control over your reaction; you do. You may be experiencing disappointment, frustration or anger, but you always have a choice. A wife can choose to be disrespectful or respectful. A husband can choose to be unloving or loving.

You both forgive for one simple but profound reason: because you know Christ has forgiven you!

If a husband chooses to be a peacemaker--taking the needs and concerns of his wife totally into account during any kind of argument or conflict--his wife will be motivated in turn to respond to his authority during stalemates.

Knowing my spouse will not be able to love or respect me perfectly, I commit to having a forgiving spirit so that I may never speak hatefully or contemptuously.

You must distinguish between “I can’t” and “I won’t.”

To get offended is easy, but to forgive is within your power as you walk in His steps.

When you come home after you have been apart, the first few moments of reconnecting will set the tone for the rest of the evening.

A most significant point of this book is this: If what we think is true, kind, necessary, and clear, we need to have the courage to hit send. This isn’t about refraining from speaking; this is about speaking.

Love and Respect is a faith venture, not a formula.

At the very bottom of things, in every case and in every conversation, you can do your marriage a huge favor by assuming she is seeking to feel loved or he is seeking to feel respected and give your spouse some grace!

You have to become proactive, rather than just trying to stop the reactive.

He will feel appreciated when you disagree with him only in private and honor his authority in front of the kids.

Do you give yourself grace and your spouse judgment?

We might say that every negative action in the family has an equal and opposite negative reaction.

Fight like a loving man and a respectful woman. Fight fair.

Recognize your different gifts--how each of you (Pink and Blue) functions according to God’s perfect design.

A strong woman of dignity puts on respect out of her love and reverence for Jesus Christ. She trusts that His word not only protects and empowers her, but also rewards her with incomprehensible eternal blessings.

Trust God when the “why’s” of life threaten to overwhelm you.

A parent needs to feel respected, especially during conflicts...A child need to feel loved, especially during disputes.

So I encourage every husband and wife to commit to the Jesus Way of Talking. Instead of allowing the stress of the situation to control you, you can say to yourself, “Because I love the Lord and I know that He rewards every good word, I am going to be truthful even if my spouse is not. I will also be uplifting, forgiving, thankful and scriptural in my speech because my ultimate goal is to please the Lord. Whatever my spouse’s weaknesses or bad habits might be, I will not let them cause me to sin with my lips.”

This is the Rewarded Cycle: His love blesses regardless of her respect and her respect blesses regardless of his love.

Above all trust God when the “whys” of life threaten to overwhelm you.

Do you bow to the influence of Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?

Thank the Lord for the goodwill each of you has toward the other. Ask Him for strength to give each other the benefit of the doubt during moments when someone’s goodwill seems to be lacking. “He who seeks good finds goodwill, but evil comes to him who searches for it.” (Proverbs 11:27)

God is not pink. God is not blue. God is purple. When two become one, they have the potential of displaying God’s attributes and character.

We all need love and respect equally. But, during conflict our felt needs are as different as pink is from blue.