What Overwhelms a Wife and Husband?

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All of us can feel overwhelmed at times by the challenges we face in marriage.

The Husband:

On the one hand, a husband can feel overwhelmed by his wife’s complaints and criticisms toward him.

He feels he is never good enough.

He can feel he does not deserve all of her negativity.

Frankly, her negativity is beyond his understanding.

He thinks, Can’t the two of us just have one day when everything is okay? Why doesn’t she understand this? Why can’t she be friendlier?

But as I point out in many of our resources at Love and Respect, when a husband does one thing—yes, just one thing—her complaints and criticisms lessen.

Furthermore, the normal conflicts in the marriage do not escalate to the point of him feeling as though he needs to shut down in anger or risk hearing her say she feels rejected and brokenhearted.

The Wife

On the other hand, a wife can feel overwhelmed by her husband’s resistance to emotionally connect with her and hear her heart about what burdens and hurts her.

She feels they have too many unresolved issues.

She wonders if she’ll ever fully understand why her husband does not want to fully understand her heart and concerns.

But I say again, when a wife does one thing—yes, just one thing—the disconnect she feels with her husband and his unwillingness to talk about their sense of disconnection lessens.

Furthermore, the normal conflicts in the marriage do not escalate to the point of her needing to loudly criticize and complain, risking his need to later withdraw and stonewall in anger.

Yes, there is a simple message that helps you to reduce significantly this feeling of being overwhelmed.

In my book Love and Respect, we set forth what a wife can do toward her husband and what a husband can do toward his wife. The answer is found in the Bible, in Ephesians 5:33.

This book, along with other resources of mine revolving around the message of Love and Respect, has been translated into twenty-one languages. This strongly suggests many people in many cultures have found this simple truth to empower them and enable them to influence their marriage.

They do not feel as overwhelmed.

-Dr. E