We Easily See What is Done To Us Before We See What We Are Doing To Our Mate
The Crazy Cycle says, Without Love She Reacts Without Respect and Without Respect He Reacts Without Love. Almost every time Sarah and I teach our seminar about the Love and Respect Connection, people tell us, “Why, of course; this is so obvious.”
And then either the husband or the wife adds, “But why doesn’t my spouse get it?” Whether it’s a husband or a wife who “doesn’t get it,” the answer is the same: we often don’t see the obvious.
A door-to-door salesman rang the bell and waited. A boy who looked about ten years old answered. He was smoking the biggest cigar the salesman had ever seen. After a few seconds of stunned silence on the salesman’s part, he finally asked, “Is your mother home?” The ten-year-old puffed a couple of times, blew smoke in the salesman’s face, and said, “What do you think?”
And that’s the point.
If the salesman had been thinking at all, he would have known that Mother wasn’t at home.
But for some reason we don’t always think, particularly when something is shocking or distracting.
When a wife feels unloved, it can be such a shock to her heart that she is oblivious to her disrespectful reactions toward her husband, though any man watching could see it plainly.
When a husband feels disrespected, it can provoke him so quickly he doesn’t see his unloving reaction, which would be obvious to any woman.
Words of wisdom for all husbands and wives are these:
WE EASILY SEE WHAT IS DONE TO US BEFORE WE SEE WHAT WE ARE DOING TO OUR MATE.