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Three Ways To Murder Your Marriage, Part 3

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In Part 1 and Part 2 of this 3-part series, we’ve been talking about the three ways to kill a marriage. If you haven’t read up on those posts, I would encourage you to do so before moving on to the conclusion below. So, what are the three ways to murder a marriage?

1. Possess a self-serving motive that you disguise from everyone (except your lover, if you have one).

Make the case against your spouse as the one having impure motives, while you take the stand in your own favor that you have nothing but goodwill and a desire for God’s will.

You are the victim, always.

Then memorize Isaiah 5:20,

“Woe to those who call evil good, and good evil; Who substitute darkness for light and light for darkness; Who substitute bitter for sweet and sweet for bitter!"

2. Look for the means of divorcing your spouse.

As with the tricky wife, deprive your spouse of their emotional and sexual needs so they fall prey to those who have eyes full of adultery (2 Peter 2:14).

Never tell anyone about your little secret to entrap your mate.

Also, find a pastor or biblical scholar who will allow you to divorce for essentially any reason whatsoever, and keep seeking a church that enables this.

Find the pastor who will do your remarriage. He is the perfect means of approval!

Of course, as you do this, keep Jesus in mind. He encountered such leaders and folks like you. In His day, people could divorce for almost any reason. There was more grace than law among the Jews on this point!

However, Jesus slammed the door shut on that false teaching. He recognized the trickery. People twisted the Word of God for self-serving ends.

So, as you deprive your spouse of sex or find a pastor who will tell you what you want to hear, memorize this phrase: the “law of Christ” (1 Corinthians 9:21).

What law?

Jesus revealed that these sneaky and scheming tactics ran counter to Abba Father’s original intentions in Genesis. (Truth is narrow, like the law of gravity. Things never fall up.) In shock his disciples complained, "If the relationship of the man with his wife is like this, it is better not to marry” (Matthew 19:10).

They heard Jesus say, “Once in, you cannot get out.” So, they said, “Well, then, we won’t get in.”  But Jesus says, “Once in, you cannot get out, and definitely not for treachery” (cf. Malachi 2:14).

Too bad these self-serving are not more self-serving! They should care enough to meet with Christ’s disapproval that they turn their hearts to “fulfill the law of Christ” (Galatians 6:2).

3. Look for the opportunity to exit the marriage and enter another relationship, but do so prudently.

Begin by saying, “I need some space.” Turn that into, “To help our marriage, I think one of us needs to move out for a while. This will allow us to work on ourselves and the marriage.”

While away, meet with your lover. Get on the internet and learn what others have done. There is a basic script to follow, then contact a divorce lawyer who knows the script.

If someone asks if there is a lover, deny, deny and deny some more. It is best for others not to know that information right now.

If a spouse gets wind of the affair, viciously attack them as wicked snoops invading your privacy which reinforces to you why this marriage won’t work. Besides, this other person is “just a friend.”

As you proceed I suggest another Scripture to memorize,

"Marriage is to be held in honor among all, and the marriage bed is to be undefiled; for fornicators and adulterers God will judge” (Hebrews 13:4).

Does this verse mean that God hates you? Absolutely not.

God loves you so much that he accepts you unconditionally just the way you are, but he loves you too much to allow you to remain in that condition; therefore, he disciplines you. 

In conclusion, contrast this with the married person who has the motive to do the will of God in the marriage, uses the means of grace given by God to husbands and wives to love and respect unto Christ, and who sees the trial as God's opportunity to grow.

The 3 Ways to Resurrect a Murdered Marriage....but that’s a blog for another time.

Do you want to give your testimony on how you resurrected your marriage? Leave your comments and stories below!

-Dr. E

Emerson Eggerichs, Ph.D.
Author, Speaker, Pastor

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