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My Marriage Was Over

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Ange & her husband were first introduced to the message of Love & Respect from our video series several years ago.   They hosted their first Love & Respect Marriage Conference in 2010 and it was a hit! While promoting the conference that year Ange invited a lady named Kristen from her daughter's preschool to attend the conference. They didn't really know each other but Ange isn’t shy and casually mentioned it to her.

Here’s Kristen’s story:

I was living in a bad dream.

Wow, Love & Respect. Who would've thought that was the answer to a loving, lasting relationship! We are so blind.

My story, or our story I should say, starts with a 20 year marriage, four children and a life of the two of us being a complete blur. After having our fourth child and her turning four years of age, my life or my eyes opened up like I just woke up to a bad dream. I mean I was living in a bad dream and couldn't get out of it. I was raising four kids, working as a school teacher of a classroom size from 12-15 kids, then home doing all the home stuff.

Something was missing, hmmm, what was it? Wow, a husband! Where is my husband?!? It was like he was or had just turned into one of the kids in my mind. I was the mother, the caretaker, the maid, you name it that was me!


After 20 years of marriage, I filed for divorce.

I became very, very depressed and some days I don't even know how I functioned.

When I did realize I needed my husband it was too late. He was already set in his ways of doing his thing, coming and going to work, having his fun with his buddies, you know the guy story and what guys do. But when they do get home, they want clean clothes and they want to eat!

Wow, I felt as if I wasn't loved! So, after 20 years of marriage, I filed for divorce.

Our youngest was starting preschool at a school I never thought I'd have one of our children attend as all of them went to a Catholic school system. But, I think I was looking for a change, looking for something that would wake me up to something different, something to make me happy, to fill my void of not feeling loved!

I wish I had what that lady has.

One day after taking my daughter to this preschool class, a mother (Ange) was talking to a group of ladies about her husband and some issues that they had. I opened my ears a little more thinking, this is interesting and I wish I had what that lady has, a smile on her face while talking about her husband and that her husband loves her!!!

Note: Ange remembers asking Kristen if she wanted to attend the Love and Respect marriage conference and she couldn't but she was interested in learning more about it. Ange gave her our website.

Later that day Kristen called Ange wanting know if Ange had the videos and if she could watch them, right away.

Now back to Kristen’s story.

I called my husband.

This lady who gave them to me had no idea who I was or if I even had any problems. I immediately called my husband at work, well soon to be ex-husband, and asked him "Do you feel respected, I mean respected by me?"

I was shocked at his answer (now, I hadn't talked to my husband in some time as he wasn't living at our residence anymore because of me filing for divorce).

His answer was...NO!

I couldn't believe it. I immediately felt guilty for everything - my husband doesn't feel respected! With tears in my eyes, I was trying to tell him I had these videos I'd like to share with him. But I had no idea what they were really even about.

I was so scared, I was shaking in my shoes.

Now, this man of mine is a man who doesn't sit on the couch and watch videos, especially videos with the word Love - he'd run! He is also the kind of man that never holds your hand in public, kisses you in front of anyone or says I love you in front of someone. No way, out of the question!!

Well he came over to watch the videos. I was so scared, I was shaking in my shoes. So I just plugged in the first one and cranked the volume.

So powerful and so true!

To our surprise, we sat there not saying a word, just listening to what this Dr. Emerson had to say. He was so right about what he was saying! Women, respect your man and men, love your woman! So powerful and so true!

I couldn't believe that my man was actually getting into it, quiet at times and then laughing, actually laughing! Oh, I was falling for this man all over again. A man I hated an hour ago, a man I've been married to for 20 years and filed for divorce from.

All this man wanted was respect and I would get what I was yearning and looking for all these years from him, Love!

We watched all 5 videos that night!!!

We started doing things together and family things - a lot of family things. Plus, the two of us doing things together as a couple was a no-no in his book but now he asks me to be involved in everything he has going on and shares everything with me.

We talk. We never did that before!

A new beginning.

He never wore his wedding ring. One day, out of the blue he just said, "Kristin, it’s the coming of Easter and doesn't that mean a new beginning? Easter - rebirth?"

I said, “Yes it does, what are you getting at?"

He said he wanted to wear a new wedding ring not his old one and I would have a matching one for our new beginning!

He kisses me in front of our children. Our children have never seen that ever from us. They say "Oh! Gross!" and we kiss more.

He says "I love you" to his children, that is something that would just never happen.

All these firsts are so fresh that it's kind of scary.

We are reconciled.

For a man to do all this for his woman and family - something he has never done before and something he would never try because men just don't do that, he truly is a changed man! He wants his wife and family sincerely from his heart!

With all this, I dismissed the divorce. We are reconciled and the rest is history!

This all sounds too good to be true.

One last thing, he never slept in our bed for the past 14 years. Don't ask me how we had children because I don't know! Now we sleep together in the same bed with him very tight next to me, holding my hand until we fall asleep.

He also calls me every day from work to say "I love you."

I have tears as I write this - this all sounds too good to be true but it isn't. I'm living it! Thank you God!

You are together for a reason.

So please, if you are struggling, watch Dr. Emerson. If he can wake us up, he can do the same for you. You are together for a reason - God brought you together for a reason.

We still have issues and that comes in a marriage but now we work them out and understand where all the issues come from!

With Love & Respect,

Tom & Kristin

Thank you to Ange for inviting a woman she hardly knew to our conference and thank you to Kristin and Tom for sharing their story of reconciliation!

Are you willing to reach out and share God’s message for marriage with others?

Like Tom & Kristin, it could make all the difference in the life of a family!


Emerson Eggerichs, Ph.D.
Author, Speaker, Pastor

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