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Sadly, many a man will not include his wife in decisions because he fears her input as an attempt to control him rather than as her desire to be his helpful teammate. Not only is this man extremely insecure (which calls into question his manhood), but some would call him imprudent.
Have you ever considered what sets humans apart from the other creatures on earth? The answer lies in a remarkable phenomenon called consciousness.
Over the years, I have heard from many women who feel they have more of a right to speak harshly and disrespectfully to their husband than he does to speak unlovingly toward her.
A minor unannounced U-turn after church escalates into hours of tears and despair for one wife, revealing how everyday preferences quickly spiral into the Crazy Cycle of missing love and respect.
As a new believer in Christ at age sixteen, I recall one night going outside my home in Peoria, Illinois, and crying out to God to show Himself to me to confirm that what I believed about Him was true. “Just appear to me!” I begged of God.
These last several weeks I have been sharing with you the “if-then” principle that keeps the Energizing Cycle humming in your marriage. Today I want to share the final "if-then" principle:
An FBI agent confided in me that the amount of time he spent on his job was causing his wife to complain and question him even though he actually thought he was balancing things “pretty well.” He would get defensive and lash back at her, saying he was trying his best to do a good job and he didn't appreciate her questioning.
If a husband chooses to be a peacemaker, taking the needs and concerns of his wife totally into account during any kind of argument or conflict, his wife will be motivated in turn to respond to his authority during stalemates. By the same token, if a wife chooses to respect her husband’s authority (desire to serve and to lead), he will be motivated to make peace with her and try to meet her needs and concerns during conflict at any level.
Several weeks ago, I started a series on being PROACTIVE, not REACTIVE. I emphasized the importance of not just stopping the Crazy Cycle of conflict in our marriages, but learning how to be proactive by getting on the Energizing Cycle.
Here’s something you husbands may want to try. Go out with some married couples for dinner, and as you dine, ask them to share the story of how they met and eventually got married. Draw them out and let them talk.
With Father’s Day approaching, I wish to honor the many fathers who have served their families with love and respect. When I coach husbands on how to love their wives, two principles I teach are a woman’s desire for loyalty and esteem (Love & Respect, pp 117-182).
Have you noticed that men and women do friendship differently? Typically (and I realize there are always exceptions to the general rule), female friendship involves face-to-face talking and sharing.
As a husband, you notice matters of honor. The movie Saving Private Ryan, about the invasion of Normandy, tears you up as you fixate on the incredible heroism.
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