Conference Notebook - Digital Download (Old)

I have concluded that those of us in the church who believe we have the Truth are not using the whole truth. A crucial part of God’s Word has been completely ignored, or perhaps simply gone unnoticed, when it has been there right under our noses the whole time! Many Christian spouses know Ephesians 5:33 and can at least paraphrase it. The Apostle Paul tells husbands to love their wives as much as they love themselves, and wives are to respect their husbands. But is anyone really listening? Perhaps the first step to better communication between husband and wife is to hear what God’s Word clearly says. --Emerson

Words of Love or Respect must uplift your spouse, edifying- never manipulating him or her.

Do you give yourself grace and your spouse judgment?

Your spouse has a need that you don’t have. Are you going to say there is something seriously wrong with them or will you say “Viva la Difference”?

Your spouse has a need only you can fill.

When a wife insists that her husband earn her respect, she puts him in a lose-lose situation.

Do you understand that God feels compassion for you, no matter what you have done or what your circumstances may be?

Often both spouses have goodwill but are not deciphering each other’s code. She criticizes out of love, but he “hears” only disrespect. He distances himself to prevent feelings from escalating, which is the honorable thing to do, but she “sees” only his failure to be loving!

Be friendly. Be friendly. Be friendly. Watch what happens.

You can be right in the argument, but wrong in your approach.

Do you believe that there is a God who really loves you and wants to help you?

God rewards your obedience to love and respect, even if your spouse does not respond!

When you play the blame game your marriage never wins.

When we feel crippling discouragement by the sinful choices and outcomes of our kids, we must not let this permanently deter us from parenting God’s way.

When a wife feels unloved, it can be such a shock to her heart that she is oblivious to her disrespectful reactions toward her husband, though any man watching could see it plainly.

We are worth Jesus to the Father.

Troubles over sex and money do not cause a marriage to go under. The lack of love and respect during conflict cause the marriage to go under.

You have two ears and one mouth; use them proportionately.

The more we are upset at something, the wiser it is to let twenty-four hours pass before responding.

Negative actions rarely produce positive results.

A woman needs love like she needs air to breathe. A man needs respect like he needs air to breathe.

The difference between successful couples and unsuccessful couples is that successful ones keep getting up and dealing with the issues.

We can communicate the truth in the best of manners, but the person may be so insecure he or she can only react and attack like a wounded bear.

Unconditional respect is as powerful to him as unconditional love is to her.

Never give up. If you want to have a strong marriage, you need to accept temporary setbacks as part of the game.

There is power and freedom that comes in understanding that no one can cause you to react in a certain way. It is your choice.

The parent-child relationship is as easy, and as difficult, as love and respect.

We are either going to give in the darkness or we are going to give into the darkness.

Mistakes can’t be undone, but they can be forgiven.

You speak lovingly or respectfully no matter how your spouse may speak to you in return. Your spouse is not the reason--good or bad--why you speak unconditional words of love or respect. God is the reason, and as you depend on Him, you will become increasingly able to speak lovingly and respectfully to your spouse.

Recognize your different gifts--how each of you (Pink and Blue) functions according to God’s perfect design.

When a wife asks, “Do you love me?” She is not trying to put her husband on the spot. She is simply looking for reassurance.

Thank God for His forgiveness of your mistakes. In trying to be a loving man or a respectful woman, we blow it. Owning up to mistakes is never easy, but it is always the way to move forward. Take good care not to accuse your spouse of mistakes as you pray. Also, pray about any forgiving to be done in the family, any forgiveness that needs to be asked. Children may need forgiveness (and what about Mom and Dad?). “There is no one on earth who does what is right all the time and never makes a mistake.” (Ecclesiastes 7:20)

If a husband loves his wife as he should, she will feel honored and respected. If a wife respects her husband as she should, he will feel loved and appreciated. It’s a win-win.

When you relinquish an offense, you need to send that offense somewhere. So follow Jesus’ example and release it to your heavenly Father.

[Women], as you enter quiet dignity, not preaching at your husband or scolding him as though you were his mother, something happens in his soul as a male.

She’s not wrong for not being male. He is not wrong for not being female. When you put pink and blue together, you get purple, the color of royalty; the color of God. Together, a husband and wife reflect God’s image.

Being friendly to her man is one of the most effective things a woman can do to strengthen her marriage.

When you come home after you have been apart, the first few moments of reconnecting will set the tone for the rest of the evening.

Avoid like the plague trying to punish each other as a means of “motivation.” Christ-followers instinctively know that this destroys any opportunity to act out of reverence for Christ. In all marital issues, love and reverence for Christ must be our primary motivation.

I often stress that one of the greatest rewards any persevering spouse can have is being a good example and influence on the children in the family.

The heart of my communication means the other person cannot get my heart to be unkind, unloving, or disrespectful. Instead, I have made a decision about who I will be independent of the other person. I won’t blame my unkindness on someone else.

The woman absolutely needs love, and the man absolutely needs respect. It’s as simple- and as difficult- as that.

With a better understanding of God’s promises, you will be on your way to a renewed mind and a changed life.

Research and experience prove that men and women see and hear differently. Recognizing these differences and adjusting to them is absolutely necessary for reaching mutual understanding and better communication.

[Husbands] the most powerful weapons you have are your ears. Just listen to your wife, and she is much more likely to feel understood.

“Respect is a man’s deepest value. I have had numerous men tell me, ‘I would rather live with a wife who respected me but did not love me than live with a wife who loved me but did not respect me.’ These men are not saying that they are indifferent to love. They know they need love, but they need to feel respected even more than they need to feel loved.“

God designed the woman to love. He’s not going to command her to agape her husband when He created her to do that in the first place. God is not into redundancy.

It is hard to be negative while being thankful.

Christian maturity involves a lot of things, but surely it includes knowing how to process your anger.

When confronting your spouse, attack the behavior, not the person.

Stay the course regardless of the child’s respect and obedience. This is the Family Rewarded Cycle: a parents love unto Christ regardless of the child.

When you’re truly Christ-centered, instead of child-centered, you will be a more effective parent in the long run.

Wives, you never know: The way you handle this [conflict] might bring your husband not only back to you, but to God. Husbands, you never know: The way you handle this [conflict] might bring your wife not only back to you, but to God. (1 Corinthians 7:16)

Feeling unloved, a wife gets defensive and acts offensively without respect. Feeling disrespected, a husband gets defensive and acts offensively without love.

You’re the only person in the world who can meet your spouse’s deepest need for love and respect. After all, you alone are married to your spouse.

He will feel appreciated when you recognize his problem-solving approach as his male brand of empathy.

Do you bow to the influence of Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?

A strong woman of dignity puts on respect out of her love and reverence for Jesus Christ. She trusts that His word not only protects and empowers her, but also rewards her with incomprehensible eternal blessings.

[Women], your self-love cannot be derived from your husband’s love. It can affect it, but it does not determine it.

Always see your mate as an ally. Feedback is of little use if you see your spouse as an enemy. Giving and receiving constructive feedback is based on feelings of goodwill in both partners. Both of you need to remember that, even if you don’t always agree and even if you become irritated or angry, you are friends, and neither of you means to hurt the other.

Husbands, to energize your wife give her face-to-face time, allowing her to talk and share her feelings.

When parents genuinely trust and follow the Lord and His ways, their faith spills over onto the children.

Words of wisdom for all husbands and wives are these: We easily see what is done to us before we see what we are doing to our mate.

In your marriage be the first to “seek peace and pursue it” (1 Peter 3:11)

The Lord made women (Pink) and men (Blue) with differences, and He expects us to recognize and deal with those differences in a loving and respectful way.

When we speak before we think, we widen the chances the other person(s) will be notably hurt, frustrated, confused, angry, fearful, or offended by something we’ve communicated.

When you look to God and His Word as your ultimate source of significance and security, you don’t demand that your spouse take that role in your life. And as you draw strength from the Lord individually, He draws you closer together as a couple.

Parenting is a faith venture. As we parent “unto Christ” we reap God’s reward, “knowing that whatever good anyone does, he will receive the same from the Lord” (Eph. 6:8 NKJV)

You cannot use unholy means to achieve a worthy end.

We blame people for the bad things we do, but take credit for the good things we do.

The mature one in the marriage seldom moves second.

Most marriages will succeed when obeying the command to Love and Respect.

We easily see what is done to us before we see what we are doing to our mate.

God’s commands are not burdensome, but are given to us to spare us from more pain. Why would God command you to do something that doesn’t work?

When a husband chooses to do or say something loving, and that includes saying, ‘I’m sorry for coming across in an unloving way,’ he energizes his wife. When a wife decides to express herself respectfully, and that includes apologizing for her disrespectful attitude, she energizes her husband.

When others do not respond to our communication, we need to look first at our communication style. Is the other person incapable of hearing what we have to say? Or are we abrupt, brusque, and curt?

Always remember that Pink and Blue have different wiring, different preferences. Assume your spouse has goodwill toward you, no matter what. Both of you can be right, while being different.

He will feel appreciated when you disagree with him only in private and honor his authority in front of the kids.

Though the end can be worthy (to be loved and respected), when each uses unholy means (unloving and disrespectful words and actions), it will not achieve those ends. We must treat others as we expect them to treat us. To deny this makes us arrogant or fools, or both.

Trust God when the “why’s” of life threaten to overwhelm you.

Refuse to let evil turn you into a contemptuous and hateful person.

You may believe that the careless, unloving or disrespectful words you speak are because your spouse is causing you to speak this way, but Jesus says that it is coming out of your heart.

To build a lasting legacy, use proven wisdom that you glean from the Lord.

Here is the secret to marriage that every couple seeks and yet few find: Unconditional respect is as powerful for him as unconditional love is for her. It’s the secret that will help you achieve a brand new level of intimacy.

Your marriage is really a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and reverence for your Lord.

Truth will carry its own weight if delivered respectfully and lovingly.

How we react to a situation reveals more about us than about the other person.

As a husband, if you can grasp that you don’t always have to solve your wife’s problems, you will take a giant step toward showing her empathy and understanding.

If you want your wife to express appreciation for your attempts to be loving, you must use thankful words when she tries to speak or act respectfully.

Responding to offensive words or actions with your own offensive words and actions is damaging and unproductive.

Being a person who communicates what is true frequently demands tact, and at times it can feel like sidestepping land mines. It takes work to be both truthful and tactful.

Will we decide how we see God based on our circumstances, or will we see our circumstances in light of how we view God?

Before hitting send, ask yourself, "Have I listened carefully and understand the exact issue on the table?"

Accentuate the positive and eliminate the negative with lots of love and respect in between.

Whose voice are you listening to: Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?

When Jesus said “turn the other cheek,” He wasn’t saying to be passive wimps. He was teaching that physically people can control you but if you turn and give the other cheek, suddenly you’re in control and you’re making the choices.

Your spouse can affect you, but your spouse does not control you.

It’s hard to realize that we would never act around our business associates the way we act around our spouse.

When your wife comes to talk to you, listen to her. Realize she is coming to you because you matter more to her than anyone else. She has certain emotional needs and only you can meet them. Sometimes she may say things that don’t make sense to you and she is apt to misspeak and exaggerate when she is upset, but don’t put her down. Instead, listen to her heart. Give her a chance to express her concerns and, as she does so, don’t try to fix her. Don’t give her your solutions unless she asks for them.