Conference Notebook - Digital Download (Old)

Both Judas and Peter denied Jesus Christ, but there is a huge difference between a Judas and a Peter.

Wives, to energize your husband do an activity with him, shoulder-to-shoulder, without talking.

It is so easy to draw wrong conclusions about a spouse’s character and motives due to an occasional flare-up or silly comment.

Just because you’re offended doesn’t mean the other person is offensive.

Do you understand that God feels compassion for you, no matter what you have done or what your circumstances may be?

No matter how difficult your spouse may be at the moment, your spouse does not have control over your reaction; you do. You may be experiencing disappointment, frustration or anger, but you always have a choice. A wife can choose to be disrespectful or respectful. A husband can choose to be unloving or loving.

If we subscribe to the belief that because we are equal we are the same, then we’re going to expect our spouse to respond the way we do.

When your wife comes to talk to you, listen to her. Realize she is coming to you because you matter more to her than anyone else. She has certain emotional needs and only you can meet them. Sometimes she may say things that don’t make sense to you and she is apt to misspeak and exaggerate when she is upset, but don’t put her down. Instead, listen to her heart. Give her a chance to express her concerns and, as she does so, don’t try to fix her. Don’t give her your solutions unless she asks for them.

No one can really practice Love and Respect unless he or she does it as unto Jesus Christ.

If you want your wife to express appreciation for your attempts to be loving, you must use thankful words when she tries to speak or act respectfully.

Being friendly to her man is one of the most effective things a woman can do to strengthen her marriage.

Always remember that Pink and Blue have different wiring, different preferences. Assume your spouse has goodwill toward you, no matter what. Both of you can be right, while being different.

God designed the woman to love. He’s not going to command her to agape her husband when He created her to do that in the first place. God is not into redundancy.

To get offended is easy, but to forgive is within your power as you walk in His steps.

Fight like a loving man and a respectful woman. Fight fair.

To not forgive is to shoot yourself in the foot and put extra gas in the Crazy Cycle.

He will feel appreciated when you recognize his problem-solving approach as his male brand of empathy.

We are either going to give in the darkness or we are going to give into the darkness.

Our research shows that couples who pray together are more apt to reap all kinds of benefits, including better and more frequent communication, going on “dates” more frequently and having sex more frequently.

Wives, you never know: The way you handle this [conflict] might bring your husband not only back to you, but to God. Husbands, you never know: The way you handle this [conflict] might bring your wife not only back to you, but to God. (1 Corinthians 7:16)

No matter what your struggle- criticism, constant conflict, sex, money, parenting, harsh words- learning to communicate the Love and Respect way can help you make crucial changes and build the kind of relationship that God blesses.

We are equal but we are not the same.

Women give a report to build rapport. Men bond through shoulder-to-shoulder activities without talking.

The woman absolutely needs love, and the man absolutely needs respect. It’s as simple- and as difficult- as that.

Positive changes flood a relationship immediately when both husband and wife cancel the blame game!

When one of you makes a mistake, control any anger you may feel and trust God completely, no matter what happens.

We have different vulnerabilities. We can pass judgment on one another all day long or we can say God made us different and that’s ok.

A marriage relationship will be energized when couples learn how to motivate each other God’s way.

We might say that every negative action in the family has an equal and opposite negative reaction.

[Women], your self-love cannot be derived from your husband’s love. It can affect it, but it does not determine it.

As a wife, if you can start to understand how important your husband’s work is to him, you will take a giant step toward communicating respect and honor, two things that he values even more than your love.

Do you believe that there is a God who really loves you and wants to help you?

Life is too short to fuss and fret over trivial irritations.

We blame people for the bad things we do, but take credit for the good things we do.

A woman needs love like she needs air to breathe. A man needs respect like he needs air to breathe.

Trust God when the “why’s” of life threaten to overwhelm you.

If a husband is commanded to agape- love his wife, then she truly needs love.

The difference between successful couples and unsuccessful couples is that successful ones keep getting up and dealing with the issues.

Being a person who communicates what is true frequently demands tact, and at times it can feel like sidestepping land mines. It takes work to be both truthful and tactful.

Often the apparent issue isn’t the real issue; the real issue is always a matter of love or respect.

“You can be right, but wrong at the top of your voice.”

Trusting and obeying God’s Word because we love and reverence God never, ever makes us a hypocrite! When the alarm goes off in the morning, we get up, even when we don’t feel like it getting up. Because we do what we don’t feel like doing, does that make us hypocrites? No, it’s a sign we are responsible people. Showing respectful behavior when we don’t “feel respectful” is evidence of maturity.

You have two ears and one mouth; use them proportionately.

Whether visiting a prison, feeding the hungry, giving the thirsty a drink or speaking a word of love or respect, everything is to be done to and for Christ.

We easily see what is done to us before we see what we are doing to our mate.

Clearly, in the marriage, in the family and in the household, when you speak words of blessing, you are speaking to the Lord, and for this you will be rewarded.

Marriage is a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and your reverence for Jesus Christ.

When you come home after you have been apart, the first few moments of reconnecting will set the tone for the rest of the evening.

If you are seeking positive change in your marriage, you will need to make a positive change in your attitude and actions.

When you love or respect unconditionally regardless of the outcome, you are following God and His will for you.

Focus on the positive in the midst of the negative, and the Energizing Cycle will keep right on humming.

Will we decide how we see God based on our circumstances, or will we see our circumstances in light of how we view God?

When others do not respond to our communication, we need to look first at our communication style. Is the other person incapable of hearing what we have to say? Or are we abrupt, brusque, and curt?

The moment we cry to Him for help, He is already pleased. He gives us strength to love our children.

The parent-child relationship is as easy, and as difficult, as love and respect.

Marriage is a test of how you unconditionally love and respect your spouse as you obey, honor, and please the Lord.

Every marriage includes trouble some of the time. Do not let the 20% leaven all the rest.

Often both spouses have goodwill but are not deciphering each other’s code. She criticizes out of love, but he “hears” only disrespect. He distances himself to prevent feelings from escalating, which is the honorable thing to do, but she “sees” only his failure to be loving!

Suppressing negative feelings is not loving, respectful or very wise. Speak up tactfully.

I have concluded that those of us in the church who believe we have the Truth are not using the whole truth. A crucial part of God’s Word has been completely ignored, or perhaps simply gone unnoticed, when it has been there right under our noses the whole time! Many Christian spouses know Ephesians 5:33 and can at least paraphrase it. The Apostle Paul tells husbands to love their wives as much as they love themselves, and wives are to respect their husbands. But is anyone really listening? Perhaps the first step to better communication between husband and wife is to hear what God’s Word clearly says. --Emerson

No matter how difficult your spouse may be at the moment, your spouse does not have control over your reaction; you do. You may be experiencing disappointment, frustration, or anger, but you always have a choice.

Accentuate the positive and eliminate the negative with lots of love and respect in between.

We fool ourselves into thinking the other person causes us to be the way we are. They really don’t! But if we lock into that idea, we become helpless, hopeless victims.

We must bring our identity in Christ to our parenting—we must not derive our identity from our children.

You must distinguish between “I can’t” and “I won’t.”

[Women], as you enter quiet dignity, not preaching at your husband or scolding him as though you were his mother, something happens in his soul as a male.

As you pray together, you will truly learn to love and respect together.

Your spouse may meet many of your needs, but your deepest dependency should be on your Lord.

Your marriage is a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and reverence for Jesus Christ. God is using your spouse to bring you an eternal reward.

Share what God is saying to your heart, not what you think He needs to say to your mate.

Do you seek to understand or only to be understood?

Husbands primarily want to hear ‘respect” talk during conflict. Wives primarily want to hear “love” talk during conflict.

Above all trust God when the “whys” of life threaten to overwhelm you.

It’s crucial to communicate with the right tone of voice and the right expression on your face.

A wife has one driving need: to feel loved. When that need is met, she is happy. A husband has one driving need: to feel respected. When that need is met, he is happy. When either of these needs isn’t met, things get crazy with conflict.

Mistakes can’t be undone, but they can be forgiven.

As mature men, we need to take leadership and put this out on the table. We must acknowledge our feelings- we need to feel respected. However, as we do this we must acknowledge our wife’s feelings- she needs to feel loved!

Whose voice are you listening to: Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?

Self-interest should never come ahead of your spouse’s interests.

Men are solution oriented, they love to solve problems. They want to be helpful.

Husbands, to energize your wife give her face-to-face time, allowing her to talk and share her feelings.

Your hunger for God can create an appetite in your children.

God is not trying to trick you or mess with you. Trust that He wants to reveal Himself to you just as much as He wants to reveal Himself to the world.

Troubles over sex and money do not cause a marriage to go under. The lack of love and respect during conflict cause the marriage to go under.

When you’re truly Christ-centered, instead of child-centered, you will be a more effective parent in the long run.

[Husbands] as the church places her burdens on Christ, so a woman needs to place her burdens on her husband. When she shares with you, don’t assume she is asking you to solve the problem. Ask your wife, “Do you want a solution or a listening ear?”

Love and Respect is a faith venture, not a formula.

When a husband feels disrespected, he has a natural tendency to react in ways that feel unloving to his wife. (Perhaps the command to love was given to him precisely for this reason!) When a wife feels unloved, she has a natural tendency to react in ways that feel disrespectful to her husband. (Perhaps the command to respect was given to her precisely for this reason!)

You can experience hurt, but it is your choice to hate.

You have to become proactive, rather than just trying to stop the reactive.

We can communicate the truth in the best of manners, but the person may be so insecure he or she can only react and attack like a wounded bear.

The Love and Respect message is not about a husband earning his wife’s respect by being more loving any more than it is about a wife earning her husband’s love by being more respectful. Always love or respect is given unconditionally according to God’s commands.

When we feel crippling discouragement by the sinful choices and outcomes of our kids, we must not let this permanently deter us from parenting God’s way.

Words of Love or Respect must uplift your spouse, edifying- never manipulating him or her.

As a husband, if you can grasp that you don’t always have to solve your wife’s problems, you will take a giant step toward showing her empathy and understanding.

You speak lovingly or respectfully no matter how your spouse may speak to you in return. Your spouse is not the reason--good or bad--why you speak unconditional words of love or respect. God is the reason, and as you depend on Him, you will become increasingly able to speak lovingly and respectfully to your spouse.

Pink and Blue perceptions not only affect seeing, they affect hearing as well. Women hear with pink hearing aids and men hear with blue hearing aids. Even more important to understand as you and your spouse seek to gain better communication, you can hear the very same words, but each of you will hear different messages.

It’s hard to realize that we would never act around our business associates the way we act around our spouse.

There is a plan to parent God’s way, even when our children may seek to go their own way at time. The secret is to follow this plan regardless. When you do, I believe you succeed in His eyes.

Could you be facing a crisis in faith more than a crisis in your marriage?