Conference Notebook - Digital Download (Old)

The moment we cry to Him for help, He is already pleased. He gives us strength to love our children.

When parents genuinely trust and follow the Lord and His ways, their faith spills over onto the children.

When we feel crippling discouragement by the sinful choices and outcomes of our kids, we must not let this permanently deter us from parenting God’s way.

Optimism or pessimism? It is always a choice, no matter what your natural temperament.

Unconditional respect is as powerful to him as unconditional love is to her.

Responding to offensive words or actions with your own offensive words and actions is damaging and unproductive.

Both Judas and Peter denied Jesus Christ, but there is a huge difference between a Judas and a Peter.

Wives, to energize your husband do an activity with him, shoulder-to-shoulder, without talking.

[Husbands] as the church places her burdens on Christ, so a woman needs to place her burdens on her husband. When she shares with you, don’t assume she is asking you to solve the problem. Ask your wife, “Do you want a solution or a listening ear?”

We are either going to give in the darkness or we are going to give into the darkness.

Above all trust God when the “whys” of life threaten to overwhelm you.

As strong and powerful as marriage bonds can become, our deepest dependency must be on the Lord, not another human being.

Your husband knows you appreciate his desire to protect and provide when you praise his commitment to provide for you. You empathize when he reveals his male mindset about position, status, or rank at work.

A marriage relationship will be energized when couples learn how to motivate each other God’s way.

Your spouse has a need that you don’t have. Are you going to say there is something seriously wrong with them or will you say “Viva la Difference”?

You may believe that the careless, unloving or disrespectful words you speak are because your spouse is causing you to speak this way, but Jesus says that it is coming out of your heart.

Trusting and obeying God’s Word because we love and reverence God never, ever makes us a hypocrite! When the alarm goes off in the morning, we get up, even when we don’t feel like it getting up. Because we do what we don’t feel like doing, does that make us hypocrites? No, it’s a sign we are responsible people. Showing respectful behavior when we don’t “feel respectful” is evidence of maturity.

His love blesses regardless of her respect; her respect blesses regardless of his love.

No matter how difficult your spouse may be at the moment, your spouse does not have control over your reaction; you do. You may be experiencing disappointment, frustration, or anger, but you always have a choice.

Be quick to listen and understand and you have a much better chance of being understood.

Thank the Lord that in the very beginning He created them male and female – Blue and Pink. Ask Him for patience and ever-growing understanding of how men and women see and hear differently. “He created them male and female, and He blessed them.” (Genesis 5:2)

We blame people for the bad things we do, but take credit for the good things we do.

When confronting your spouse, attack the behavior, not the person.

Will we decide how we see God based on our circumstances, or will we see our circumstances in light of how we view God?

You can experience hurt, but it is your choice to hate.

Husbands primarily want to hear ‘respect” talk during conflict. Wives primarily want to hear “love” talk during conflict.

A woman needs love like she needs air to breathe. A man needs respect like he needs air to breathe.

If a husband is commanded to agape- love his wife, then she truly needs love.

When you come home after you have been apart, the first few moments of reconnecting will set the tone for the rest of the evening.

Since it is easy to focus on the negative, focus on your mate’s good qualities and express thanks with positive words of Love or Respect.

God is not pink. God is not blue. God is purple. When two become one, they have the potential of displaying God’s attributes and character.

We all need love and respect equally. But, during conflict our felt needs are as different as pink is from blue.

Don’t pressure yourself with perfection. We are going to fail. A righteous man falls 7 times but gets back up.

Marriage is a tool and a test to allow God’s will to be revealed in our lives.

When you play the blame game your marriage never wins.

The Crazy Cycle is, indeed, “the evil of folly and the foolishness of madness” (Ecclesiastes 7:25).

It’s crucial to communicate with the right tone of voice and the right expression on your face.

Your hunger for God can create an appetite in your children.

Your marriage is a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and reverence for Jesus Christ. God is using your spouse to bring you an eternal reward.

Before hitting send, ask yourself, "Have I listened carefully and understand the exact issue on the table?"

Always remember that Pink and Blue have different wiring, different preferences. Assume your spouse has goodwill toward you, no matter what. Both of you can be right, while being different.

Let the Lord change you, but don’t try to change each other.

God’s commands are there to help us, not to hinder us or hold us back as male and female.

Do you bow to the influence of Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?

Positive changes flood a relationship immediately when both husband and wife cancel the blame game!

Trust God when the “why’s” of life threaten to overwhelm you.

If you want your husband to express appreciation for your attempts to be respectful, you must speak thankfully when he tries to be loving.

Your spouse can have a need that you don’t have and that’s okay.

We have discovered that as women motivate their man God’s way, men are energized to love them better. It doesn’t matter if your marriage is good or seems like there is no hope. We have seen God move in powerful ways even when things looked hopeless.

If you are seeking positive change in your marriage, you will need to make a positive change in your attitude and actions.

You both forgive for one simple but profound reason: because you know Christ has forgiven you!

A most significant point of this book is this: If what we think is true, kind, necessary, and clear, we need to have the courage to hit send. This isn’t about refraining from speaking; this is about speaking.

Refuse to let evil turn you into a contemptuous and hateful person.

The parent-child relationship is as easy, and as difficult, as love and respect.

Mutual submission is the only way to live fairly together with mutual authority.

To get offended is easy, but to forgive is within your power as you walk in His steps.

The Love and Respect message is not about a husband earning his wife’s respect by being more loving any more than it is about a wife earning her husband’s love by being more respectful. Always love or respect is given unconditionally according to God’s commands.

Research and experience prove that men and women see and hear differently. Recognizing these differences and adjusting to them is absolutely necessary for reaching mutual understanding and better communication.

Money squabbles don’t undermine love and respect; they simply reveal unloving and disrespectful attitudes, which are the real reason why a marriage can start to wobble on the Crazy Cycle.

His love motivates her respect. Her respect motivates his love.

It is crucial for a husband and wife to see that neither one is wrong, but both of them are very different--in body function, outlook and perspective.

A strong woman of dignity puts on respect out of her love and reverence for Jesus Christ. She trusts that His word not only protects and empowers her, but also rewards her with incomprehensible eternal blessings.

With a better understanding of God’s promises, you will be on your way to a renewed mind and a changed life.

God designed the woman to love. He’s not going to command her to agape her husband when He created her to do that in the first place. God is not into redundancy.

[Husbands] the most powerful weapons you have are your ears. Just listen to your wife, and she is much more likely to feel understood.

A parent needs to feel respected, especially during conflicts...A child need to feel loved, especially during disputes.

To stay the course in speaking words of Love and Respect, keep your heart in Scripture, trusting in and talking about His promises to help you.

Women give a report to build rapport. Men bond through shoulder-to-shoulder activities without talking.

[Women], as you enter quiet dignity, not preaching at your husband or scolding him as though you were his mother, something happens in his soul as a male.

Avoid like the plague trying to punish each other as a means of “motivation.” Christ-followers instinctively know that this destroys any opportunity to act out of reverence for Christ. In all marital issues, love and reverence for Christ must be our primary motivation.

As you pray together, you will truly learn to love and respect together.

When Jesus said “turn the other cheek,” He wasn’t saying to be passive wimps. He was teaching that physically people can control you but if you turn and give the other cheek, suddenly you’re in control and you’re making the choices.

We are worth Jesus to the Father.

When one of you makes a mistake, control any anger you may feel and trust God completely, no matter what happens.

When sorting out how to slow down the Crazy Cycle, it helps to remember that men are commanded to love because they don’t love naturally, and on the other side, women are commanded to respect because they don’t respect naturally.

When a husband chooses to do or say something loving, and that includes saying, ‘I’m sorry for coming across in an unloving way,’ he energizes his wife. When a wife decides to express herself respectfully, and that includes apologizing for her disrespectful attitude, she energizes her husband.

Often the apparent issue isn’t the real issue; the real issue is always a matter of love or respect.

I often stress that one of the greatest rewards any persevering spouse can have is being a good example and influence on the children in the family.

When you love or respect unconditionally regardless of the outcome, you are following God and His will for you.

The Lord made women (Pink) and men (Blue) with differences, and He expects us to recognize and deal with those differences in a loving and respectful way.

We all need to wrestle with the spiritual truth that God is good. If you don’t believe God is good, you won’t trust His word. If you don’t trust His word, you will find excuses to ignore His commands.

A wife has one driving need: to feel loved. When that need is met, she is happy. A husband has one driving need: to feel respected. When that need is met, he is happy. When either of these needs isn’t met, things get crazy with conflict.

Ladies, be careful. “A nagging wife goes on and on like the drip, drip, drip of the rain” (Proverbs 19:13).

Whether visiting a prison, feeding the hungry, giving the thirsty a drink or speaking a word of love or respect, everything is to be done to and for Christ.

How we react to a situation reveals more about us than about the other person.

There is a plan to parent God’s way, even when our children may seek to go their own way at time. The secret is to follow this plan regardless. When you do, I believe you succeed in His eyes.

Clarifying is what you do before you step on your mate’s air hose and deflate his or her spirit. For example, you are having a typical conversation, but you can tell there is a misunderstanding. One of you isn’t being clear or isn’t hearing correctly. Then and there you clarify the misunderstanding before your spouse’s spirit deflates. You lovingly or respectfully clarify matters so that your spouse will not feel unloved or disrespected. The reason you take pains to clarify a seemingly small matter is to prevent the situation from becoming a love and respect issue that needs decoding. Clarifying is what you do to stay off the Crazy Cycle and keep positive, energetic feelings flowing between the two of you, to keep yourselves on the Energizing Cycle.

No one can really practice Love and Respect unless he or she does it as unto Jesus Christ.

You cannot use unholy means to achieve a worthy end.

We can all have moments of anger, but this does not mean we have to lose control and sin.

The key to motivating another person is meeting their deepest need, especially during conflict.

Be a part of the solution, not part of the problem.

Be friendly. Be friendly. Be friendly. Watch what happens.

Wives, you never know: The way you handle this [conflict] might bring your husband not only back to you, but to God. Husbands, you never know: The way you handle this [conflict] might bring your wife not only back to you, but to God. (1 Corinthians 7:16)

Accidental sparks (unwise remarks) ignite and fuel a fire, and vroom goes the Crazy Cycle.

When you possess a forgiving spirit, words of Love and Respect will flow authentically from your lips- and realize that the Lord Himself is listening to you at moments like these. He knows you are not powerless, but actually full of power that He has granted you.

“Living happily ever after” means knowing how to deal with the imperfect parts of life.

When we speak before we think, we widen the chances the other person(s) will be notably hurt, frustrated, confused, angry, fearful, or offended by something we’ve communicated.

To not forgive is to shoot yourself in the foot and put extra gas in the Crazy Cycle.

You must “ask God from the wealth of his glory to give you power through his Spirit to be strong in your inner selves.”