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The Win-Win Couple Discusses These Six Things When in Disagreement

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In this episode, Emerson and Jonathan discuss how couples can find win-win solutions when they are in disagreement. They emphasize the importance of discussing the facts, feelings, negatives, positives, proposals, and plans. By examining these aspects of a disagreement, couples can make informed decisions that consider both partners' perspectives. They also highlight the need for empathy, transparency, and open-mindedness during these discussions. Ultimately, the goal is to find a solution that is fair, reasonable, and satisfies both partners' desires and concerns.

Emerson Eggerichs, Ph.D.
Author, Speaker, Pastor
Jonathan Eggerichs, Psy.D.

Checklist and Questions to Consider

Facts and Feelings:

  • Have we thoroughly examined all relevant facts related to the situation?
  • Are we acknowledging and validating each other's feelings, even if they differ from our own?
  • Are we striving to be objective and open-minded about the facts and feelings involved?

Negatives and Positives:

  • Have we identified and honestly assessed potential obstacles or drawbacks?
  • Are we actively brainstorming and listing out the potential benefits or upsides of each option?
  • Are we encouraging each other to contribute to both the negative and positive aspects of the discussion?

Proposals and Plans:

  • Have we generated fair and reasonable solutions based on the pros and cons we've identified?
  • Are we exploring creative alternatives and considering compromises that address each other's concerns?
  • Does the proposed plan reflect a balance between minimizing negatives and maximizing positives for both parties?

By following this checklist and engaging in constructive dialogue, couples can work together—with the guidance of the Holy Spirit—to find win-win solutions that honor their unique perspectives and priorities.


  1. Reflecting on the scenario of Paul and Lisa's decision regarding their children's education, how do you and your spouse navigate the balance between individual desires and shared priorities when making significant life choices?
  2. Consider the concept of compromise highlighted. How do you distinguish between compromising your values and finding common ground with your spouse, especially in situations where your perspectives may initially seem irreconcilable?
  3. The importance of acknowledging and validating each other's feelings during disagreements is emphasized. Reflect on a recent disagreement with your spouse—how effectively did you both communicate and empathize with each other's emotions during the discussion?
  4. The Win-Win Couple's Checklist provides a structured approach to resolving disagreements. How might implementing similar strategies enhance communication and problem-solving dynamics in your own relationship, particularly during challenging or emotionally charged discussions?

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