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Marriage
Episode
276
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If My Spouse Emotionally Hurt Me, Am I Supposed to Assume Goodwill?
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When your spouse hurts you, it is easy to jump from “that hurt me” to “you wanted to hurt me.” Emerson explains the goodwill pause: being completely honest about the impact without claiming to know the other person’s motive, using 1 Corinthians 4:5, a husband who stopped treating his wife like opposing counsel, and a dozen ready-to-use scripts for everyday hurts. For any husband or wife who is hurting and tired of the same argument about who meant what.
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Emerson Eggerichs, Ph.D.
Author, Speaker, Pastor
Questions to Consider
- Think of a recent moment your spouse hurt you. What did you know about the impact, and what did you decide about their intention? Were those two things the same?
- The attorney husband changed the verdict he placed on his wife’s heart before her delivery ever changed. What verdict might you be placing on your spouse that keeps the Crazy Cycle spinning?
- Emerson says you can hurt me without wanting to hurt me, fail to please me while still caring about pleasing me, and oppose what I want without being opposed to me. Which of these three is hardest for you to believe about your spouse right now?
- Pick one of the scripts (“I don’t want to assume... I wonder if part of what you were trying to do was... Am I understanding you correctly?”) and write it out for a real situation in your marriage. What do you think would change if you said it?
