The Struggle with Feeling Like a Loser: Lessons from Joseph Barsabbas

When I went off to military school in eighth grade, where I stayed for the next five years, there was another cadet who entered eighth grade with me. At the end of our first year, in an unprecedented set of promotions, he earned officer status. To my knowledge, no one had ever advanced like that there before. He went from private to lieutenant in nine months. By comparison, I placed at the bottom of the totem pole.

How easy it is to feel like a loser!

Fast-forward to adulthood. Even today, when I hear of an author who has penned multiple books that have sold 145 million copies, I can feel inadequate and ineffective as an author by comparison. Though I try to write books too, I am not in that league. 

Even now, how easy it is to say I am: 

• Not good enough
• Unacceptable
• A disappointment
• Worthless
• Always falling short
• A failure
• Incapable of succeeding

Perhaps you are a mother feeling like a failure, a woman who has had multiple miscarriages, a person demoted or fired at work, a man falling off the wagon with his addiction, or a person whose cancer keeps coming back. The list is endless. We can feel defeated and worthless. We can feel removed from the narrative we once thought would be a meaningful adventure. As a believer in Jesus Christ, our story might read more like a tragedy than it does a triumph. 

My observation is that not a few folks bow out of following the Lord fully because they hit the wall labeled “Loser.” They quit or serve with half a heart.

Did Joseph Barsabbas Feel Like a Loser?

One day while reading about the beginning days of the early church, I couldn’t help but wonder about a disciple referred to as “Joseph called Barsabbas” and if he, possibly feeling like a loser, bowed out of ministry after he was not given the recognition and prestige he thought was coming his way.

We read about “Joseph called Barsabbas” in Acts 1:15-26:

At this time Peter stood up among the brothers and sisters (a group of about 120 people was there together), and said, “Brothers, the Scripture had to be fulfilled, which the Holy Spirit foretold by the mouth of David concerning Judas, who became a guide to those who arrested Jesus. For he was counted among us and received his share in this ministry.” (Now this man acquired a field with the price of his wickedness, and falling headlong, he burst open in the middle and all his intestines gushed out. And it became known to all the residents of Jerusalem; as a result that field was called Hakeldama in their own language, that is, Field of Blood.) “For it is written in the book of Psalms:

‘MAY HIS RESIDENCE BE MADE DESOLATE,
AND MAY THERE BE NONE LIVING IN IT’;

and,

‘MAY ANOTHER TAKE HIS OFFICE.’

“Therefore it is necessary that of the men who have accompanied us all the time that the Lord Jesus went in and out among us— beginning with the baptism of John until the day that He was taken up from us—one of these must become a witness with us of His resurrection.” So they put forward two men, Joseph called Barsabbas (who was also called Justus), and Matthias. And they prayed and said, “You, Lord, who know the hearts of all people, show which one of these two You have chosen to occupy this ministry and apostleship from which Judas turned aside to go to his own place.” And they drew lots for them, and the lot fell to Matthias; and he was added to the eleven apostles.

In summary, Judas Iscariot had betrayed Jesus then hanged himself, leaving an open spot in the Twelve who would begin Jesus’ church. Two men who had been with them “all the time that the Lord Jesus went in and out among” them were nominated. They cast lots, which was a common practice used in those days when the people had determined everything to be equal in the decision they had to make. The lots fell on Matthias. And “Joseph called Barsabbas” is never mentioned again in the Bible.

Not. One. Single. Time.

Joseph Barsabbas, as I will refer to him, appears to have been a two-time loser—maybe three times—and never figures into the biblical narrative. 

However, because he was one of only two men nominated for the twelfth position among the apostles, Joseph Barsabbas can only be characterized as a faithful, consistent, committed follower of Jesus. For that reason, in God’s eyes, he was no loser.

But the question is, did he feel like a loser in God’s eyes and among his peers.

For Joseph and Matthias, achieving this position was a big deal. They would have had an inkling of the importance due to what Jesus said to the Twelve earlier: “You who have followed me will also sit on twelve thrones, judging the twelve tribes of Israel” (Matthew 19:28 NIV). Both had at least a faint awareness of the glorious significance of this election. They would be seated on one of the twelve thrones and would judge the twelve tribes of Israel. To every Jew, everything else paled by comparison, except seeing God Himself. 
The prominence of this unfolds when reading Revelation 21:14. The Twelve receive a unique distinction in the Heavenly City, the New Jerusalem. “The wall of the city had twelve foundations, and on them were the names of the twelve apostles of the Lamb” (NIV).

Though they may not have known of their names etched for all to read forever in heaven, they knew of the thrones and judgment.

And as we read, Joseph, the man whose name could have been written in heaven for all to read throughout eternity, is not chosen. This is sobering. There will be no Joseph Barsabbas written in heaven for all to read, only Peter, James, John, Matthias, and the others.

Why do I assert Joseph lost three times? 

In addition to losing the winning lot, he lost out on sitting on one of the twelve tribes. But I speculate that he also lost when Jesus first called the Twelve. I conjecture that at the beginning of Christ’s ministry, when Joseph was with Him, Joseph would have been eyed by Jesus. I think the 120 knew this. Earlier, he had been close but was the first or second man out.

He certainly also would have been numbered with the seventy-two whom Jesus sent out to preach and heal the sick (Luke 10:1-24). Perhaps extraordinary miracles transpired through him, and his preaching influenced a region. The word about Joseph spread. Joseph Barsabbas characterized faithfulness, consistency, and commitment to Jesus. The 120 nominated him because he had surfaced as the cream of the crop. What a tribute!

But here is what sobers me. After his failed nomination, we never hear of him again, and no one will see him on one of the twelve thrones, nor his name on one of the twelve foundations. 

Of course, it’s always possible that this godly man, in humility and holiness, did not struggle about what had happened. But many of us would, so Joseph leaves us a legacy.

Even so, he was human. Think about this possible struggle for him. We know the 120 prayed for God’s selection. But did you catch what they prayed? “You, Lord, who know the hearts of all men, show which one of these two You have chosen” (Acts 1:24). The Amplified Bible expands the translation: “You, Lord, who knows all hearts (their thoughts, motives, desires), show us which one of these two You have chosen.”

Did this mean Joseph lost to Matthias because Matthias had a better heart? Did Joseph conclude, “There must be something in my heart that doesn’t qualify me”? We cannot answer that. However, we can all agree that human nature leans in that direction. Self-doubt takes over. 

When Tempted to Feel Like a Loser, How Will We Respond?

Joseph may not have been affected. But you and I might wonder if we were…

• Not good enough 
• Unacceptable
• A disappointment
• Worthless
• Always falling short
• A failure
• Incapable of succeeding

If I had lived then and Jesus didn’t select me early in His ministry, didn’t orchestrate my selection to replace Judas because Matthias had a better heart, and did not let my name be written in heaven for all to read forever as I sat on one of the twelve thrones, I could see myself struggling for a while!

What if something similar happened to us? How would we process losing out?

The good news is that in God’s wisdom, He provides a person like Joseph Barsabbas so we will think about these things. Will we choose to be a faithful, consistent, committed follower of Jesus? Will we trust in the love and purpose of the Lord Jesus, even though our expectations turn out differently than we prayed and planned for?

This can be tough. I will not sugarcoat it. Not only have we felt rejected from the narrative about others who take center stage, but we have not been chosen by the Lord Himself to be the leading characters in the story of our lives. The book of Acts is all about others, not us or Barsabbas. 

How might this apply to us? 

May I invite you to examine your heart? How will you answer the following questions on the heels of losing or not gaining what should have been central to your story? 

Inwardly:

1. My value: Will I doubt my qualifications and worth moving forward?
2. My motivation: Will I allow myself to say, “What’s the point in devoting time and energy like I have done in the past?”
3. My emotions: Will I be nagged with my disappointment and sadness and live with uncertainty and anxiety over the future? 

Outwardly:

1. My “competition”: Will I give way to chronic comparison and envy?
2. My plans: Will I stop having expectations and ideas about how to make a difference since it will make no difference?
3. My actions: Will I have an attitude of negativity toward others and definitely not support their successes?

Upwardly:

1. My calling: Will I doubt and even deny God’s will and purpose for my life and consider my conditions and positions as beneath me?
2. My prayers: Will I withdraw from surrendering to God and asking Him to use me since that petition resulted in too much pain? 
3. My reward: Will I reject the truth that God’s kingdom is upside down, with the last being first and the unknown being known so that I throw away the opportunity to hear, “Well done, good and faithful servant”?

I think Joseph Barsabbas applied these, truth be told. As a faithful, consistent, committed follower of Jesus, he would have rebounded. For that reason, in God’s eyes, he was no loser, and I am confident he appropriated the Lord’s view of him.

What Can We Learn from a Man Whose Name Is Only Mentioned Once in the Bible?

There are three things Joseph Barsabbas would have known to be true about God’s kingdom that we can remind ourselves of too, when tempted to feel like a loser. One, he did not let himself lose heart. Two, he recognized the greatest is the servant of all. And three, he centered on hearing, “Well done, good and faithful servant” even if he sat on no throne with eleven others.

1. We need not lose heart because we lose. 

Easier said than done, I know, but Scripture highlights this very thing because it can be so common. Paul wrote in 2 Corinthians 4:16, “we do not lose heart.”

All of us can lose heart for one reason or another. Therefore, learning to rebound with resiliency may be one of the greatest character traits to develop and possess. We are only losers when we lose heart. “Great, Emerson. Then that means I am a loser twice over both because of the initial issue and now because I’ve lost heart! You have a way of encouraging a person.” 

Well, we are not losers as human beings when failing to achieve a certain status we feel validates our worth. Am I a loser because I have not sold 145 million copies of my books? If I felt that way, you’d say, “Grow up, Emerson!” I agree. 

What about multiple miscarriages? “Emerson, this is about babies, not books. This is about life, love, and legacy. How can one not lose heart when deprived of motherhood? How can one not lose heart in being around women who either glory in mothering or who complain constantly about mothering?”

You meet with women who have had more miscarriages than you and who have not lost heart. You permit these godly wise ladies to speak into how they developed resiliency in rebounding. How they see God at work in the infertility. Certainly, their narrative about being mothers may not be part of their script, but they allow God to bear much fruit through them as they make themselves available to Him on other stages. He has a purpose for them. 

2. We can be the greatest as we serve others and all the more because of losses and suffering. 

We are never losers in Christ’s eyes when acting on His clear statement: “But the greatest of you shall be your servant” (Matthew 23:11). 

We have much to offer others struggling with being . . .

• Not good enough
• Unacceptable
• A disappointment
• Worthless
• Always falling short
• A failure
• Incapable of succeeding

Serving such individuals may not have been the script we envisioned in our earlier narrative for our lives, but imagine the doors that opened for Joseph Barsabbas! Every person who heard about him and who felt rejected by God and removed from settings where the Lord worked through the great Peters and Pauls, would have turned to Barsabbas. He had a life message: “I wasn’t good enough to replace Judas, and I have lost more than any of us can be imagine. But I am not a loser, because Jesus said “the greatest is servant of all.” I define my status in these terms. 

3. We can hear “Well done, good and faithful servant” since God rewards faithfulness, not fame or being number one.

A day is coming when we stand in front of Jesus Himself to hear His “Well done” declaration. On earth we may have felt He overlooked us as we watched others advance in a narrative that appeared anointed, fruitful, and esteemed. But He never ignored us. In fact, He may have treasured us more than we could imagine since the last will be first, and not infrequently, the first will be last.

We must trust that Jesus knows well our decision not to lose heart and to empathetically serve others who also have lost. Someone needed to serve this way, and to be center stage night after night in the lights would have prevented us from giving courage to those sitting in the darkness.

Perhaps Joseph Barsabbas knew this and never lost heart as he served others and envisioned hearing “Well done.” He gained far more from his losses. That’s not a bad lot in life!

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