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The 60-Second Test Works! (Even When You Don’t Think It Does)

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We offer a 15-Day Marriage Plan with 7 lessons, each with a quick and easy action to take that day intended to help your marriage, whether you are currently in a crisis or not. Challenge #2 for all participants is called the 60-second test, in which readers are asked to take 60 seconds that day to fill their spouse’s emotional air tank. I ask wives to take 60 seconds and simply share with their husband some of the things that she respects about him. Husbands are instructed to take a moment to tell their wives some of the things that he loves about her.

To conclude the 60-second test, I suggest they leave the room and watch how their spouses follow them out to talk more about it all, with positive energy filling their spirits. But as with most things in life, and certainly pertaining to married couples throughout the world, not everyone responds in the same way. However, just because one’s immediate response to something such as the 60-second test is not the same as I predicted or one had hoped does not mean the same impact in him or her is not being made.

Because most women are expressive responsive, they find it very difficult when a man does not immediately respond in an expressive way to the respect test. Too many wives think it doesn't work with their husbands because he doesn't say anything. But the following e-mail is living proof of everything I've been trying to say to women!

I feel as though my husband and I have been in a revolving and worsening "Crazy Cycle" for the last three years. I firmly believe that God called me to this man, and so I had resigned myself to being in a difficult marriage for the rest of my life.

I heard about the Love and Respect podcast through a Bible group and finally became so downhearted that I figured listening couldn't hurt. The podcast led me to the website and to the 15-Day Marriage Plan. Yesterday I tried the "60-second test." My husband did not follow me after I commented on the ways I respect him and I was a little disappointed, so I assumed I didn't word my statement right.

This morning he was in a grumpy mood and as he huffed away to our bedroom he said, "I just want to be awesome like I was yesterday!" This is an odd statement for him so I asked for some clarification. He said that yesterday I had told him I respected him and he wanted to be the same man today that I respected yesterday. It made me smile and I thought you'd like to know. Bring on the next challenge!

To God be the glory! God doesn't give us commands that He does not think will work! We must not overlook or minimize in the least His command to us in Ephesians 5:33 where Paul wrote, “Each individual among you also is to love his own wife even as himself, and the wife must see to it that she respects her husband.”

Take your own 60-second test today. Tell your husband a few of the things that you respect about him, or share with your wife some of what you love about her. And then walk away! Whether they follow you out or not, the e-mail above is proof of the energizing going on inside them no matter how they respond outwardly.

And if you haven’t already (or even if you wish to do it again!), check out our 15 Day Marriage Plan.

Emerson Eggerichs, Ph.D.
Author, Speaker, Pastor

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