Spiderwebbing

You won’t find a formal definition of this term in the dictionary, but most married couples will recognize what spiderwebbing is. Someone starts with this point and goes to that point but doesn’t finish that point before going on to another point, not finishing that point but doubling back to an earlier point. But somehow they always bring the conversation full circle and eventually finish all the points!

Multitasking women are masters of this art. For husbands, who are normally more linear thinkers, this kind of conversation is not that simple. They are wired to finish one point completely and then move on to the next. So when his wife starts spiderwebbing, a husband is likely to get that blank, faraway look in his eyes. The wife notices this and says, “You’re not listening to me.” And on the Crazy Cycle we go!

So what couples must do is give each other a measure of grace. Husbands need to let their wives release their emotions and share their reports. Wives need to do this with as little spiderwebbing as possible, saving the longer versions for girlfriends.

Here’s how I describe the art of spiderwebbing in our Love & Respect Marriage Conference.