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It’s All About Jesus

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If you have attended or heard a Love and Respect Marriage Conference or read any of the books, more than likely you will recall some of my favorite terms, analogies, and acronyms, such as: Pink and Blue, C.O.U.P.L.E., C.H.A.I.R.S., the Crazy Cycle, the Energizing Cycle, and the Rewarded Cycle. While it certainly always brings a smile to my face to hear from readers and others that they, even many years later, still talk about “needing to get off the Crazy Cycle” or “their pink hearing aids didn’t hear what their blue husband was really saying,” what I most hope that people will remember is how all of this should be used to point them to Jesus. Let me explain.

C.O.U.P.L.E. is the acronym I use to explain how a husband spells love to his wife, and C.H.A.I.R.S. is how a wife spells respect to her husband:

A husband shows love to his wife by way of:

  • Closeness
  • Openness
  • Understanding
  • Peacemaking
  • Loyalty
  • Esteem

A wife shows respect to her husband by considering:

  • Conquest
  • Hierarchy
  • Authority
  • Insight
  • Relationship
  • Sexuality

“Pink and Blue” is the word picture I have found that most effectively illustrates the two ways that men and women understand the world around them. Men look at the world through blue sunglasses, speak through a blue megaphone, and interpret things through their blue hearing aids. Women look at the world through pink sunglasses, speak through a pink megaphone, and interpret things through their pink hearing aids. This is why a woman’s girlfriends can relate spot-on to her view and why a man’s buddies give him all the head nods he needs to assure him that he’s not crazy. They completely understand their own kind, just not the opposite sex! Neither is wrong, just different.

As I said already, most people remember these acronyms and phrases, and of course I am grateful they do. They are the key to understanding why we get on the Crazy Cycle and how we can stay on the Energizing Cycle. But I most want people to remember the Rewarded Cycle. I most hope to point people to Jesus.

The Rewarded Cycle says, “His love regardless of her respect; her respect regardless of his love.” And the reason is because of who we are loving and respecting just beyond our spouse’s shoulder. It’s Jesus. We love our wife unconditionally because we want to love Jesus unconditionally. We respect our husband unconditionally because we want to show honor and respect to Jesus unconditionally.

And though you probably don’t need another reason to love and respect Jesus in this way, allow me to use the acronyms C.O.U.P.L.E. and C.H.A.I.R.S. once again to illustrate all that He is to us, and why He undoubtedly deserves our unconditional love and respect.

Jesus is the pink lover (C.O.U.P.L.E.):

  • He is CLOSE with us
  • He is OPEN with us
  • He makes PEACE with us
  • He is LOYAL to us
  • He ESTEEMS us

And He is also Christ the blue Lord (C.H.A.I.R.S.):

  • He is the coming CONQUERING king for us
  • He is HEAD over all for us
  • All AUTHORITY has been given to Him in heaven and on earth for us
  • He has all INSIGHT, knowledge, and wisdom for us
  • He will RELATE to us in HIS terms but this too is for us
  • He’s planting a seed that will be born again into His family for all eternity (SEXUALITY)

Jesus is both pink and blue, which together make purple, the color of royalty. And so together we, as husband and wife, reflect the image of God.

It’s all about Jesus. We love our wife because we love Jesus. We respect our husband because we reverence Jesus. A pink wife and blue husband, though extremely different, when loving and respecting each other reflect purple, the color of royalty—the color of Jesus.

What a blessed reality. This is far more than about our marriage but it is because of our marriage that we can make this discovery! Have you?

Emerson Eggerichs, Ph.D.
Author, Speaker, Pastor

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