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Boys Are Not Violent Due To The Honor Code Within [Video]

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A social experiment was conducted in Italy with boys ranging from 7 to 11 years old:

"The boys are introduced to Martina, who has a giggly, lovestruck effect on all the young admirers. When asked to caress her, the boys do not hesitate to stroke her cheek in a gesture of intimacy. When asked to make a funny face at her, they do so. However, when the boys are asked to slap Martina, they all look surprised and confused. Obviously torn between wanting to obey and their own moral objections, all of the boys eventually shake their heads at the unseen camera crew, refusing to comply. When asked why they wouldn't slap her, all of the boys responded that they did not want to hurt her, or that they did not believe in violence. All agreed that they should never hit girls. Why? 'Cause I'm a man!’ replied one of the boys."


Secularists conclude that parental and societal influences on the boys resulted in their sentiments about not hitting a girl--of course those influences are vital and should continue. Some of the boys used slogans like, “Don’t hit a girl, not even with a flower.” Obviously they heard this expression from an adult.

However, the influence on these boys is there because it resonates with the male nature. God designed boys to protect women, not slap them. To die for women, not kill them.

God instilled this virtue in the hearts of boys and they must work really hard to act in opposition to it.

When the interviewer asked the boys to slap the girl, each looked at him with stunned disbelief. The request did not come close to resonating with them, yet when asked to caress her, they instinctively did because social influence has little to do with the natural affection a boy feels toward a girl. That desire is innate.

So, too, the desire against slapping a girl is innate.

This idea--that boys have a proclivity toward violence against girls or men toward women--is misleading.

Violence exists both ways and is validated by the evidence related to domestic abuse--in some cases, occurrences of violence from women toward men is even greater. In fact, legislation on domestic abuse has backfired when police realize that women in certain instances were the bigger culprit.

Here, again, we know that women do not want to be violent, per se. Instead, in my opinion, most cases demonstrate that they are reacting to a feeling of being unloved and disrespected. It is a defensive reaction to the perception that the man hates her and has contempt for her.  She ought not to react with violence, but for those who do, this is usually their interpretation.

I believe the same is true for men. They are reacting to the feeling of being unloved and disrespected. For certain, almost every man can misinterpret the heart of a woman. These men feel unloved, though the woman loves him. A husband feels disrespected, though his wife does not intend to be disrespectful.

Man's misinterpretation is a huge problem and he foolishly believes something that is light years away from the truth.

But when asking a person why they slapped their spouse, the root of the problem surfaces and we discover that they are reacting to a belief that the other is saying, “I do not love and respect you. I hate you and have contempt for you.”

Slapping the person (or worse) is their stupid and evil reaction in hopes of silencing the other person and to punish them for making such cruel statements.

This is why Love and Respect Ministries is so important in helping couples who struggle with domestic abuse to decode at the deepest level.

They need help in realizing that the other person is not sending a message of hate and contempt, and even if they say cruel things in the heat of the conflict, they do not mean it. They are mouthing off. In most instances they are feeling unloved and disrespected.

I bring this up because we are condemning men and women who react in anger, even physically, as though there is something innately corrupt and wicked about this person, particularly among men.

However, I do not believe he comes close to wanting to behave this way. Instead, he is misreading the nature of the conflict.

It is here he needs help to understand the heart of his wife.


Because he is a man and men do not hit women. Such violence works against his nature. He is not acting in accordance to his heartfelt instincts.

Am I saying that violence is really no big deal? Absolutely not. It is evil and righteous men who must put a stop to the violence.

Truly, some end up enslaved to such violence and they need to be dealt with according to the full weight of the law. For example, Proverbs condemns violence:

“Do not envy a man of violence and do not choose any of his ways.” (Proverbs 3:31)

“A man of violence entices his neighbor and leads him in a way that is not good.” Proverbs 16:29)

“The violence of the wicked will drag them away, because they refuse to act with justice.” (Proverbs 21:7)

“For their minds devise violence, and their lips talk of trouble.” (Proverbs 24:2)

As we have observed in professional sports and the violent nature of some athletes toward their wives, these men have given in to the dark side.

We have also observed throughout the history of humanity that violence is a serious matter. God Himself flooded the earth because of violence. We read in Genesis 6:11,

"Now the earth was corrupt in the sight of God, and the earth was filled with violence."

The good news is that good men throughout history have stepped up and used their strength to stop the violence.

Good-willed men do not act violently and they stop those who do. Men don’t hurt the innocent because real men do not do that kind of thing.

They declare, as the Italian boys did, “‘Cause I am a man."

-Dr. E

Emerson Eggerichs, Ph.D.
Author, Speaker, Pastor

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