Are You Married to an Immoral Person or Just Someone with Different Opinions Than You?

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As I speak and write about often, there is a distinct pink and blue difference in men and women that God designed in all of us. She views the world through her pink sunglasses, speaks through her pink megaphone, and hears through her pink hearing aids. Which is completely different from how he interprets and communicates through his blue sunglasses, blue megaphone, and blue hearing aids.

This God-designed difference in men and women even extends to how they each are energized in their relationship with their spouse.

She thrives on face-to-face communication and feels loved by him when they sit across from each other and simply talk to each other. He, on the other hand, seeks out shoulder-to-shoulder activities with her, and feels energized and respected when he gets to do even the simplest activity alongside his wife and best friend . . . even something as simple as browsing through his favorite hardware store.

Hear this story from a wife who wrote me recently:

Dr. Eggerichs,

I just wanted to take a moment and share with you our story regarding the Love and Respect study. My husband and I have facilitated this study twice at our church after going through it ourselves. I cannot fully explain what a profound impact this has had on us and the couples that have taken this. It's like a light bulb clicks on and it all makes sense. We truly see and hear in pink and blue.

Sadly the society we live in teaches a message contrary to this and is destroying marriages and families. Thank you for allowing God to use you to send a greater message and for all the families you have helped.

We will continue to do our part in getting this study to other couples and know God will change lives as we've already seen Him at work! Thank you again for your faithfulness. And for giving me a clear understanding of why my husband always wants me to go to Lowes with him (shoulder to shoulder)!

His blessings, D.

Finally understanding that God-designed pink and blue difference between you and your spouse, indeed, is like a light bulb turning on.

People oftentimes spend two, three, or more decades married to each other before realizing something as simple as her need for face-to-face and his desire for shoulder-to-shoulder. But this is how we were created—not wrong, just different!

Walk through Lowes with your husband as he dreams about the workshop he has always wanted. Drink tea in a chair on the driveway as he changes the oil in the car. Watch how something so simple energizes him. And then see how he responds in kind with the face-to-face that you thrive on!

-Dr. E

Discussion Questions

  1. Why does she feel loved when her husband spends face-to-face time with her? How do her pink sunglasses and hearing aids interpret this action of his?

  2. Why does he feel respected when his wife spends shoulder-to-shoulder time with him? How do his blue sunglasses and hearing aids interpret this action of hers?

  3. What is the message society is teaching us about relationships today, and how is it destroying marriages?

  4. What other light bulbs have suddenly clicked on for you as you learned about the pink and blue differences between you and your spouse? How did realizing this God-designed difference affect your relationship with him or her?