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6 Statements A Husband Makes that Deflate His Wife, Making Her Unhappy

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1. “I do not want to be close to you right now."

2. “I will not be open with you about these things."

3. “There is no way I will ever understand you."

4.  “I am tired of your "I am sorry" comments, I'm done with useless peacemaking."

5.  “I am unsure of my commitment and loyalty right now.”

6.  “You do not respect me so do not expect me to esteem you.”


Making the above statements is like seeing a land mine in an open field and then walking toward it and jumping on it.

Though a guy can be blowing off hot air, these words will blow up in his face. Most wives tend to take words at face value. Many women hear words as equal to the action itself.


How many of us have heard the young girl weeping and muttering after her boyfriend ended their month long romance, “But he told me that he loved me. I don’t know what to believe.” The women standing around empathize, and feel equally bewildered. The men overhearing the conversation think, “If he says one thing and does another, he’s a liar. Just words.”


When it comes to our wives, they believe our words. When we angrily say, “I don’t want to be close to you right now” she takes it seriously. Truth is, we may mean very little by our words.  We just mean, “I need to cool down so drop it. I don’t want to talk right now. Leave me alone.”  We can be honorable men doing the noble thing: de-escalating a fight. To us, staying close right now flares up the conflict.


However, few women brush off that comment. Most deflate.Their hearts sink. They are not happy campers. Later, most will seriously inquire, “Did you really mean that you didn’t want to be close to me? Were you saying that you don’t love me?” She seeks reassurance. Sadly, our explanations seem unconvincing to her.


For this reason, every guy needs to avoid using certain words when upset and angry. I refer to those words in my book Love and Respect. I reveal there that wives spell love as C.O.U.P.L.E.: closeness, openness, understanding, peacemaking, loyalty, and esteem. I derive each concept from the Bible, what God reveals to husbands on how to treat their wives.  At the top of this blog, I stated them in the negative.


Thus, as husbands we come to a cross roads. Which path will we take? The right or wrong way?

Here's the wrong path. A wife wrote me, "We started reading the book together. He was extremely interested at the first part of the book "the woman's duty side" but his interest fell short when we started reading about the acronym "couple.”

Compare this to the man who emailed me, "I have typed up the 'COUPLE' acronym, and I carry it with me to help me have her 'feel' love.”  To avoid making negative statements that would make his wife deflate and feel unhappy, he recognized what to do to prevent his wife from feeling unloved.

No husband will love perfectly. However, we can avoid making comments - albeit rooted in our nobleness - that most wives will misunderstand, personalize, and deflate over.  What a joy to know that God did not leave us in the dark! We can avoid the land mines!

Emerson Eggerichs, Ph.D.
Author, Speaker, Pastor

Questions to Consider