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Communicating Lovingly So We Don't Lose Their Hearts

Three Things Part 3

The following notes are based on the above video. Feel free to add to them throughout the video if you like by taking notes on your own, but hopefully they also allow you to relax and enjoy the video without feeling as though you need to write everything down.

Part 3

God calls us to love the spirit of our child. He does not call us to love their disrespectful attitudes and actions. As parents, we must distinguish between the two.

  • The challenge is: How do we communicate lovingly to the spirit of the child when they’re disrespecting us?

If chronic anger with threats doesn’t work, what is the solution?

  • A loving and respectful response toward the spirit of the child while confronting without anger the things the child has done that are unacceptable.

If chronic appeasement with treats doesn’t work, what is the solution?

  • Win the battle! Maintain the courage to not keep giving in.

If chronic apathy with truancy doesn’t work, what is the solution?

  • Avoid the temptation to disengage, and work together as a husband-and-wife team.

If you’re using chronic anger, if you’re trying to appease your children by buying them off, if you’re just saying, “I don’t care about you because you don’t care about me,” you’re going to lose their hearts. Is that what you really want to do?

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Discussion Questions

  1. Which of these remedies to chronic anger, chronic appeasement, and chronic apathy spoke to your heart? What is one thing you want to do differently? How are you going to do that?
  2. When have you seen a parent (you, your spouse, other) successfully love the spirit of the disobedient child while dealing appropriately and successfully with the child’s disrespectful attitudes and actions?
  3. Have you been afraid to ask forgiveness from your child before because you didn’t want to lose that parental power? Why do we think this would happen?
  4. How are we not really helping our kids when we continually give in to them? How have you seen your chronic appeasement backfire down the road?
  5. Emerson said, “Your children will be more secure knowing that the two of you [as parents] are together as a team than they would be knowing that the best decision was made for them.” Do you agree? Why or why not?
  6. Do you truly believe that your child’s deepest need from you is love? If so, how is not giving in to chronic anger, chronic appeasement, and chronic apathy feeding your child’s deepest need? Discuss all three.
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Three Things Part 3
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Three Things to Avoid in Parenting
Part 3
Three Things Part 3