The Love and Respect Devotional

When we speak before we think, we widen the chances the other person(s) will be notably hurt, frustrated, confused, angry, fearful, or offended by something we’ve communicated.

When we feel crippling discouragement by the sinful choices and outcomes of our kids, we must not let this permanently deter us from parenting God’s way.

Assuming goodwill can be revolutionary in relationships.

Love and Respect is a faith venture, not a formula.

A marriage relationship will be energized when couples learn how to motivate each other God’s way.

When one of you makes a mistake, control any anger you may feel and trust God completely, no matter what happens.

Wives, to energize your husband do an activity with him, shoulder-to-shoulder, without talking.

Words of Love and Respect must include thankfulness spoken to or about your spouse; don’t fixate on weaknesses and faults.

How we react to a situation reveals more about us than about the other person.

It’s true that women have intuition and that men should listen to them. It’s also true that women have blind spots and need the insight of their husbands.

The Crazy Cycle is, indeed, “the evil of folly and the foolishness of madness” (Ecclesiastes 7:25).

Marital researchers agree that a huge percentage of communication problems between husband and wife are due not to what is said but to how it is said – the attitude and tone of voice.

When others do not respond to our communication, we need to look first at our communication style. Is the other person incapable of hearing what we have to say? Or are we abrupt, brusque, and curt?

Life is too short to fuss and fret over trivial irritations.

“Living happily ever after” means knowing how to deal with the imperfect parts of life.

Just because you may feel unloved or disrespected does not mean your spouse is sending that message.

Just because you’re offended doesn’t mean the other person is offensive.

Above all trust God when the “whys” of life threaten to overwhelm you.

It’s crucial to communicate with the right tone of voice and the right expression on your face.

Could you be facing a crisis in faith more than a crisis in your marriage?

Being friendly to her man is one of the most effective things a woman can do to strengthen her marriage.

Recognize your different gifts--how each of you (Pink and Blue) functions according to God’s perfect design.

Responding to offensive words or actions with your own offensive words and actions is damaging and unproductive.

The moment we cry to Him for help, He is already pleased. He gives us strength to love our children.

Positive changes flood a relationship immediately when both husband and wife cancel the blame game!

You can be right in the argument, but wrong in your approach.

No matter how difficult your spouse may be at the moment, your spouse does not have control over your reaction; you do. You may be experiencing disappointment, frustration or anger, but you always have a choice. A wife can choose to be disrespectful or respectful. A husband can choose to be unloving or loving.

It’s so easy to dismiss our spouse as childish because we don’t have the same vulnerabilities they do.

Focus on the positive in the midst of the negative, and the Energizing Cycle will keep right on humming.

Good intentions do not always produce good words or outcomes.

Wives, you never know: The way you handle this [conflict] might bring your husband not only back to you, but to God. Husbands, you never know: The way you handle this [conflict] might bring your wife not only back to you, but to God. (1 Corinthians 7:16)

As mature men, we need to take leadership and put this out on the table. We must acknowledge our feelings- we need to feel respected. However, as we do this we must acknowledge our wife’s feelings- she needs to feel loved!

Your husband knows you value his friendship when you tell him you like him and you show it (he knows you love him, but he often wonders if you really like him).

Feeling unloved, a wife gets defensive and acts offensively without respect. Feeling disrespected, a husband gets defensive and acts offensively without love.

Self-interest should never come ahead of your spouse’s interests.

God’s commands are there to help us, not to hinder us or hold us back as male and female.

When you love or respect unconditionally regardless of the outcome, you are following God and His will for you.

Be quick to listen and understand and you have a much better chance of being understood.

Unconditional respect means we confront their wrongdoings respectfully. We do not become uncivil because they are. Who they fail to be does not determine who we will be.

[Husbands] the most powerful weapons you have are your ears. Just listen to your wife, and she is much more likely to feel understood.

Share what God is saying to your heart, not what you think He needs to say to your mate.

Mutual understanding, not communication, is the key to a healthy marriage relationship.

We are either going to give in the darkness or we are going to give into the darkness.

Your spouse has a need only you can fill.

She’s not wrong for not being male. He is not wrong for not being female. When you put pink and blue together, you get purple, the color of royalty; the color of God. Together, a husband and wife reflect God’s image.

God is not pink. God is not blue. God is purple. When two become one, they have the potential of displaying God’s attributes and character.

Holding back your love or respect will just keep the Crazy Cycle spinning away, but being mature and making the first move could slow it down.

You both forgive for one simple but profound reason: because you know Christ has forgiven you!

Unconditional love or respect is never wasted. Hang onto this promise: “Let us not lose heart in doing good, for in due time we will reap if we do not grow weary” (Galatians 6:9).

Here is the secret to marriage that every couple seeks and yet few find: Unconditional respect is as powerful for him as unconditional love is for her. It’s the secret that will help you achieve a brand new level of intimacy.

If husbands and wives are to understand the Love and Respect Connection, they must realize that they communicate in code. And the problem is, they don’t know how to decipher the messages they send to one another.

Every marriage includes trouble some of the time. Do not let the 20% leaven all the rest.

Through Jesus and Peter, God set forth His standard for living in the unconditional dimension: choose to be loving even when the other person is not; do what is right regardless of the treatment you receive. I believe this standard applies directly to marriage. A husband who speaks lovingly to his disrespectful wife will be rewarded; and a wife who speaks respectfully to her unloving, not-worthy-of-respect husband will be rewarded. Whether you are husband or wife, the reward is what can keep you going in the midst of the craziness: knowing that God commends you, knowing that you have found his favor for your words and actions.

Your position in Christ is what counts, not your less-than-perfect performance.

Often both spouses have goodwill but are not deciphering each other’s code. She criticizes out of love, but he “hears” only disrespect. He distances himself to prevent feelings from escalating, which is the honorable thing to do, but she “sees” only his failure to be loving!

Research shows that 70% of the couples who were extremely unhappy in their marriage, but hung in there and worked through the tough time, identified themselves as being very happy five years later.

A most significant point of this book is this: If what we think is true, kind, necessary, and clear, we need to have the courage to hit send. This isn’t about refraining from speaking; this is about speaking.

[Husbands] do you realize the power of just holding your wife’s hand?

We are equal but we are not the same.

To build a lasting legacy, use proven wisdom that you glean from the Lord.

If a husband chooses to be a peacemaker--taking the needs and concerns of his wife totally into account during any kind of argument or conflict--his wife will be motivated in turn to respond to his authority during stalemates.

Trust God when the “why’s” of life threaten to overwhelm you.

A wife has one driving need: to feel loved. When that need is met, she is happy. A husband has one driving need: to feel respected. When that need is met, he is happy. When either of these needs isn’t met, things get crazy with conflict.

You cannot use unholy means to achieve a worthy end.

Marriage is a test of how you unconditionally love and respect your spouse as you obey, honor, and please the Lord.

The heart of my communication means the other person cannot get my heart to be unkind, unloving, or disrespectful. Instead, I have made a decision about who I will be independent of the other person. I won’t blame my unkindness on someone else.

Both Judas and Peter denied Jesus Christ, but there is a huge difference between a Judas and a Peter.

We can all have moments of anger, but this does not mean we have to lose control and sin.

Marriage is a tool and a test to allow God’s will to be revealed in our lives.

Let the Lord change you, but don’t try to change each other.

One thing to remember in this culture is if we say something complimentary towards one gender, we aren’t saying something against the other.

I often stress that one of the greatest rewards any persevering spouse can have is being a good example and influence on the children in the family.

Always try to look at your spouse the way Jesus does.

You have to become proactive, rather than just trying to stop the reactive.

To stay the course in speaking words of Love and Respect, keep your heart in Scripture, trusting in and talking about His promises to help you.

It’s hard to realize that we would never act around our business associates the way we act around our spouse.

We have discovered that as women motivate their man God’s way, men are energized to love them better. It doesn’t matter if your marriage is good or seems like there is no hope. We have seen God move in powerful ways even when things looked hopeless.

Your wife will feel esteemed when you speak highly of her in front of others.

The difference between successful couples and unsuccessful couples is that successful ones keep getting up and dealing with the issues.

God is not trying to trick you or mess with you. Trust that He wants to reveal Himself to you just as much as He wants to reveal Himself to the world.

A woman needs love like she needs air to breathe. A man needs respect like he needs air to breathe.

Though the end can be worthy (to be loved and respected), when each uses unholy means (unloving and disrespectful words and actions), it will not achieve those ends. We must treat others as we expect them to treat us. To deny this makes us arrogant or fools, or both.

Since it is easy to focus on the negative, focus on your mate’s good qualities and express thanks with positive words of Love or Respect.

In your marriage be the first to “seek peace and pursue it” (1 Peter 3:11)

His love motivates her respect. Her respect motivates his love.

When the wife flatly says her husband will have to earn her respect before she gives him any, she leaves the husband in a lose-lose situation. Now he is responsible for both love and respect in the relationship. He must unconditionally love his wife and earn her respect.

Mistakes can’t be undone, but they can be forgiven.

If you are seeking positive change in your marriage, you will need to make a positive change in your attitude and actions.

When sorting out how to slow down the Crazy Cycle, it helps to remember that men are commanded to love because they don’t love naturally, and on the other side, women are commanded to respect because they don’t respect naturally.

Unconditional respect is as powerful to him as unconditional love is to her.

Parenting is a faith venture. As we parent “unto Christ” we reap God’s reward, “knowing that whatever good anyone does, he will receive the same from the Lord” (Eph. 6:8 NKJV)

When your wife comes to talk to you, listen to her. Realize she is coming to you because you matter more to her than anyone else. She has certain emotional needs and only you can meet them. Sometimes she may say things that don’t make sense to you and she is apt to misspeak and exaggerate when she is upset, but don’t put her down. Instead, listen to her heart. Give her a chance to express her concerns and, as she does so, don’t try to fix her. Don’t give her your solutions unless she asks for them.

A husband may deserve contempt, but that doesn’t win him any more than harshness and anger wins the heart of a woman.

We all need love and respect equally. But, during conflict our felt needs are as different as pink is from blue.

I had often asked God to compensate for my mistakes, but in return had I thought He would give me perfect children?

Research and experience prove that men and women see and hear differently. Recognizing these differences and adjusting to them is absolutely necessary for reaching mutual understanding and better communication.

[Husbands] as the church places her burdens on Christ, so a woman needs to place her burdens on her husband. When she shares with you, don’t assume she is asking you to solve the problem. Ask your wife, “Do you want a solution or a listening ear?”

Be friendly. Be friendly. Be friendly. Watch what happens.

We fool ourselves into thinking the other person causes us to be the way we are. They really don’t! But if we lock into that idea, we become helpless, hopeless victims.

As a husband, if you can grasp that you don’t always have to solve your wife’s problems, you will take a giant step toward showing her empathy and understanding.