The Love and Respect Devotional

You must distinguish between “I can’t” and “I won’t.”

Although the Crazy Cycle is not what God intends for any marriage, all couples get on it at times from one degree to another.

Husbands primarily want to hear ‘respect” talk during conflict. Wives primarily want to hear “love” talk during conflict.

When you play the blame game your marriage never wins.

Suppressing negative feelings is not loving, respectful or very wise. Speak up tactfully.

If a husband is commanded to agape- love his wife, then she truly needs love.

Don’t conclude that your spouse is wrong when he/she is seeking to do the right and righteous thing.

Unconditional respect is as powerful to him as unconditional love is to her.

It’s so easy to dismiss our spouse as childish because we don’t have the same vulnerabilities they do.

Our research shows that couples who pray together are more apt to reap all kinds of benefits, including better and more frequent communication, going on “dates” more frequently and having sex more frequently.

Your position in Christ is what counts, not your less-than-perfect performance.

Words of Love or Respect must uplift your spouse, edifying- never manipulating him or her.

You both forgive for one simple but profound reason: because you know Christ has forgiven you!

Getting married reveals, usually sooner than later, an incontestable fact: your spouse cannot possibly meet all your needs and desires

One thing to remember in this culture is if we say something complimentary towards one gender, we aren’t saying something against the other.

Marriage is a test of how you unconditionally love and respect your spouse as you obey, honor, and please the Lord.

You must “ask God from the wealth of his glory to give you power through his Spirit to be strong in your inner selves.”

Often the apparent issue isn’t the real issue; the real issue is always a matter of love or respect.

Assuming goodwill can be revolutionary in relationships.

Your wife feels you are open with her when you discuss financial concerns, possible job changes or ideas for your future.

Thank the Lord for the goodwill each of you has toward the other. Ask Him for strength to give each other the benefit of the doubt during moments when someone’s goodwill seems to be lacking. “He who seeks good finds goodwill, but evil comes to him who searches for it.” (Proverbs 11:27)

Clearly, in the marriage, in the family and in the household, when you speak words of blessing, you are speaking to the Lord, and for this you will be rewarded.

His love blesses regardless of her respect; her respect blesses regardless of his love.

No matter what your struggle- criticism, constant conflict, sex, money, parenting, harsh words- learning to communicate the Love and Respect way can help you make crucial changes and build the kind of relationship that God blesses.

The Lord made women (Pink) and men (Blue) with differences, and He expects us to recognize and deal with those differences in a loving and respectful way.

[Husbands] the most powerful weapons you have are your ears. Just listen to your wife, and she is much more likely to feel understood.

[Husbands] do you realize the power of just holding your wife’s hand?

If we subscribe to the belief that because we are equal we are the same, then we’re going to expect our spouse to respond the way we do.

“Living happily ever after” means knowing how to deal with the imperfect parts of life.

Words of love from a husband are like good medicine that brings life to the marriage.

As strong and powerful as marriage bonds can become, our deepest dependency must be on the Lord, not another human being.

Be quick to listen and understand and you have a much better chance of being understood.

When evil comes at you, you’re the one who makes the choice of whether or not it is going to go into you.

Don’t pressure yourself with perfection. We are going to fail. A righteous man falls 7 times but gets back up.

When Jesus said “turn the other cheek,” He wasn’t saying to be passive wimps. He was teaching that physically people can control you but if you turn and give the other cheek, suddenly you’re in control and you’re making the choices.

A marriage relationship will be energized when couples learn how to motivate each other God’s way.

When one of you makes a mistake, control any anger you may feel and trust God completely, no matter what happens.

Since it is easy to focus on the negative, focus on your mate’s good qualities and express thanks with positive words of Love or Respect.

Unconditional respect means we confront their wrongdoings respectfully. We do not become uncivil because they are. Who they fail to be does not determine who we will be.

The parent-child relationship is as easy, and as difficult, as love and respect.

We fool ourselves into thinking the other person causes us to be the way we are. They really don’t! But if we lock into that idea, we become helpless, hopeless victims.

You can experience hurt, but it is your choice to hate.

The moment we cry to Him for help, He is already pleased. He gives us strength to love our children.

When a wife asks, “Do you love me?” She is not trying to put her husband on the spot. She is simply looking for reassurance.

Marital researchers agree that a huge percentage of communication problems between husband and wife are due not to what is said but to how it is said – the attitude and tone of voice.

Responding to offensive words or actions with your own offensive words and actions is damaging and unproductive.

Both Judas and Peter denied Jesus Christ, but there is a huge difference between a Judas and a Peter.

Whose voice are you listening to: Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?

When you look to God and His Word as your ultimate source of significance and security, you don’t demand that your spouse take that role in your life. And as you draw strength from the Lord individually, He draws you closer together as a couple.

Will we decide how we see God based on our circumstances, or will we see our circumstances in light of how we view God?

Your spouse may meet many of your needs, but your deepest dependency should be on your Lord.

Share what God is saying to your heart, not what you think He needs to say to your mate.

When you love or respect unconditionally regardless of the outcome, you are following God and His will for you.

When the wife flatly says her husband will have to earn her respect before she gives him any, she leaves the husband in a lose-lose situation. Now he is responsible for both love and respect in the relationship. He must unconditionally love his wife and earn her respect.

Self-interest should never come ahead of your spouse’s interests.

A parent needs to feel respected, especially during conflicts...A child need to feel loved, especially during disputes.

Mutual submission is the only way to live fairly together with mutual authority.

With a better understanding of God’s promises, you will be on your way to a renewed mind and a changed life.

Money squabbles don’t undermine love and respect; they simply reveal unloving and disrespectful attitudes, which are the real reason why a marriage can start to wobble on the Crazy Cycle.

Women give a report to build rapport. Men bond through shoulder-to-shoulder activities without talking.

To build a lasting legacy, use proven wisdom that you glean from the Lord.

Men are solution oriented, they love to solve problems. They want to be helpful.

Research shows that 70% of the couples who were extremely unhappy in their marriage, but hung in there and worked through the tough time, identified themselves as being very happy five years later.

Do not live by the standards of Hollywood; trust what God says in His Holy Word.

Husbands, even Jesus Himself was asked by a woman, “Do you not care?” (Luke 10:40) When your wife accuses you of not caring, decode her deeper meaning.

When parents genuinely trust and follow the Lord and His ways, their faith spills over onto the children.

When your wife comes to talk to you, listen to her. Realize she is coming to you because you matter more to her than anyone else. She has certain emotional needs and only you can meet them. Sometimes she may say things that don’t make sense to you and she is apt to misspeak and exaggerate when she is upset, but don’t put her down. Instead, listen to her heart. Give her a chance to express her concerns and, as she does so, don’t try to fix her. Don’t give her your solutions unless she asks for them.

God is good and wants what is best for us.

It’s crucial to communicate with the right tone of voice and the right expression on your face.

A major step toward a happy marriage is accepting differences and working them out with love and respect.

Your husband knows you value his friendship when you tell him you like him and you show it (he knows you love him, but he often wonders if you really like him).

God’s commands are not burdensome, but are given to us to spare us from more pain. Why would God command you to do something that doesn’t work?

Do you believe that there is a God who really loves you and wants to help you?

“Respect is a man’s deepest value. I have had numerous men tell me, ‘I would rather live with a wife who respected me but did not love me than live with a wife who loved me but did not respect me.’ These men are not saying that they are indifferent to love. They know they need love, but they need to feel respected even more than they need to feel loved.“

God is not pink. God is not blue. God is purple. When two become one, they have the potential of displaying God’s attributes and character.

God’s commands are there to help us, not to hinder us or hold us back as male and female.

We have to step back as Christ followers and ask, “Do I have false expectations that my relationship should be romantic 99% of the time?”

As a wife, if you can start to understand how important your husband’s work is to him, you will take a giant step toward communicating respect and honor, two things that he values even more than your love.

We get on the Crazy Cycle because without love a wife reacts without respect, and without respect a husband reacts without love.

How we react to a situation reveals more about us than about the other person.

Accentuate the positive and eliminate the negative with lots of love and respect in between.

It’s true that women have intuition and that men should listen to them. It’s also true that women have blind spots and need the insight of their husbands.

Research and experience prove that men and women see and hear differently. Recognizing these differences and adjusting to them is absolutely necessary for reaching mutual understanding and better communication.

Marriage is a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and your reverence for Jesus Christ.

You have two ears and one mouth; use them proportionately.

“With eyes of faith, envision Jesus standing just beyond the shoulder of your spouse and listening to every word you speak in every conversation, pleasant or tense. When you speak lovingly or respectfully to your spouse, you are speaking to Christ. Your spouse just happens to be there too.” This truth has sanctified the lips of many. Instead of giving their spouse a verbal whipping or choking on the idea of saying anything positive, now some spouses are motivated to speak words of unconditional love or respect.

Christian maturity involves a lot of things, but surely it includes knowing how to process your anger.

Do you understand that God feels compassion for you, no matter what you have done or what your circumstances may be?

Your words reveal your heart.

When you’re truly Christ-centered, instead of child-centered, you will be a more effective parent in the long run.

You cannot use unholy means to achieve a worthy end.

There is a discrepancy between who we want to be and see ourselves to be and how we actually sound in voice and writing. But with self-reflection and honesty, we can turn the corner and improve our communication. We need only evaluate what we are about to communicate.

If you want your husband to express appreciation for your attempts to be respectful, you must speak thankfully when he tries to be loving.

The difference between successful couples and unsuccessful couples is that successful ones keep getting up and dealing with the issues.

We easily see what is done to us before we see what we are doing to our mate.

So I encourage every husband and wife to commit to the Jesus Way of Talking. Instead of allowing the stress of the situation to control you, you can say to yourself, “Because I love the Lord and I know that He rewards every good word, I am going to be truthful even if my spouse is not. I will also be uplifting, forgiving, thankful and scriptural in my speech because my ultimate goal is to please the Lord. Whatever my spouse’s weaknesses or bad habits might be, I will not let them cause me to sin with my lips.”

Could you be facing a crisis in faith more than a crisis in your marriage?

You’re the only person in the world who can meet your spouse’s deepest need for love and respect. After all, you alone are married to your spouse.

We might say that every negative action in the family has an equal and opposite negative reaction.

Husbands, to energize your wife give her face-to-face time, allowing her to talk and share her feelings.