The Love and Respect Devotional

You can be right in the argument, but wrong in your approach.

It is crucial for a husband and wife to see that neither one is wrong, but both of them are very different--in body function, outlook and perspective.

A wife has one driving need--to feel loved. When that need is met she is happy. A husband has one driving need--to feel respected. When that need is met he is happy. When either of these needs isn’t met, things get crazy. Love and Respect reveals why spouses react negatively to each other, and how they can deal with such conflict quickly, easily and biblically.

God is good and wants what is best for us.

He will feel appreciated when you disagree with him only in private and honor his authority in front of the kids.

One thing to remember in this culture is if we say something complimentary towards one gender, we aren’t saying something against the other.

When you possess a forgiving spirit, words of Love and Respect will flow authentically from your lips- and realize that the Lord Himself is listening to you at moments like these. He knows you are not powerless, but actually full of power that He has granted you.

Good intentions do not always produce good words or outcomes.

Wives, you never know: The way you handle this [conflict] might bring your husband not only back to you, but to God. Husbands, you never know: The way you handle this [conflict] might bring your wife not only back to you, but to God. (1 Corinthians 7:16)

The Lord made women (Pink) and men (Blue) with differences, and He expects us to recognize and deal with those differences in a loving and respectful way.

Respect for the husband is just as important as love for the wife.

When a husband feels disrespected, it is especially hard to love his wife. When a wife feels unloved, it is especially hard to respect her husband.

Clarifying is what you do before you step on your mate’s air hose and deflate his or her spirit. For example, you are having a typical conversation, but you can tell there is a misunderstanding. One of you isn’t being clear or isn’t hearing correctly. Then and there you clarify the misunderstanding before your spouse’s spirit deflates. You lovingly or respectfully clarify matters so that your spouse will not feel unloved or disrespected. The reason you take pains to clarify a seemingly small matter is to prevent the situation from becoming a love and respect issue that needs decoding. Clarifying is what you do to stay off the Crazy Cycle and keep positive, energetic feelings flowing between the two of you, to keep yourselves on the Energizing Cycle.

To get offended is easy, but to forgive is within your power as you walk in His steps.

When we feel crippling discouragement by the sinful choices and outcomes of our kids, we must not let this permanently deter us from parenting God’s way.

Unconditional respect is as powerful to him as unconditional love is to her.

Every marriage includes trouble some of the time. Do not let the 20% leaven all the rest.

Getting married reveals, usually sooner than later, an incontestable fact: your spouse cannot possibly meet all your needs and desires

Men are solution oriented, they love to solve problems. They want to be helpful.

“Living happily ever after” means knowing how to deal with the imperfect parts of life.

Truth will carry its own weight if delivered respectfully and lovingly.

Often both spouses have goodwill but are not deciphering each other’s code. She criticizes out of love, but he “hears” only disrespect. He distances himself to prevent feelings from escalating, which is the honorable thing to do, but she “sees” only his failure to be loving!

To not forgive is to shoot yourself in the foot and put extra gas in the Crazy Cycle.

Your words reveal your heart.

Do you understand that God feels compassion for you, no matter what you have done or what your circumstances may be?

When the wife flatly says her husband will have to earn her respect before she gives him any, she leaves the husband in a lose-lose situation. Now he is responsible for both love and respect in the relationship. He must unconditionally love his wife and earn her respect.

A woman needs love like she needs air to breathe. A man needs respect like he needs air to breathe.

We get on the Crazy Cycle because without love a wife reacts without respect, and without respect a husband reacts without love.

Your spouse has a need only you can fill.

Words of wisdom for all husbands and wives are these: We easily see what is done to us before we see what we are doing to our mate.

Refuse to let evil turn you into a contemptuous and hateful person.

Always see your mate as an ally. Feedback is of little use if you see your spouse as an enemy. Giving and receiving constructive feedback is based on feelings of goodwill in both partners. Both of you need to remember that, even if you don’t always agree and even if you become irritated or angry, you are friends, and neither of you means to hurt the other.

We easily see what is done to us before we see what we are doing to our mate.

Recognize your different gifts--how each of you (Pink and Blue) functions according to God’s perfect design.

Since it is easy to focus on the negative, focus on your mate’s good qualities and express thanks with positive words of Love or Respect.

The parent-child relationship is as easy, and as difficult, as love and respect.

No matter how difficult your spouse may be at the moment, your spouse does not have control over your reaction; you do. You may be experiencing disappointment, frustration or anger, but you always have a choice. A wife can choose to be disrespectful or respectful. A husband can choose to be unloving or loving.

As a wife, if you can start to understand how important your husband’s work is to him, you will take a giant step toward communicating respect and honor, two things that he values even more than your love.

We send each other messages in “code” based on gender, even though we don’t intend to. What I say is not what you hear, and what you think you heard is not what I meant at all.

At the very bottom of things, in every case and in every conversation, you can do your marriage a huge favor by assuming she is seeking to feel loved or he is seeking to feel respected and give your spouse some grace!

In the ultimate sense you marriage has nothing to do with your spouse. It has everything to do with your relationship with Jesus Christ.

We can communicate the truth in the best of manners, but the person may be so insecure he or she can only react and attack like a wounded bear.

Your hunger for God can create an appetite in your children.

When you come home after you have been apart, the first few moments of reconnecting will set the tone for the rest of the evening.

Optimism or pessimism? It is always a choice, no matter what your natural temperament.

Pink and Blue perceptions not only affect seeing, they affect hearing as well. Women hear with pink hearing aids and men hear with blue hearing aids. Even more important to understand as you and your spouse seek to gain better communication, you can hear the very same words, but each of you will hear different messages.

When others do not respond to our communication, we need to look first at our communication style. Is the other person incapable of hearing what we have to say? Or are we abrupt, brusque, and curt?

Your wife will feel esteemed when you speak highly of her in front of others.

Unconditional respect means we confront their wrongdoings respectfully. We do not become uncivil because they are. Who they fail to be does not determine who we will be.

A wife has one driving need: to feel loved. When that need is met, she is happy. A husband has one driving need: to feel respected. When that need is met, he is happy. When either of these needs isn’t met, things get crazy with conflict.

Though the end can be worthy (to be loved and respected), when each uses unholy means (unloving and disrespectful words and actions), it will not achieve those ends. We must treat others as we expect them to treat us. To deny this makes us arrogant or fools, or both.

Self-interest should never come ahead of your spouse’s interests.

If husbands and wives are to understand the Love and Respect Connection, they must realize that they communicate in code. And the problem is, they don’t know how to decipher the messages they send to one another.

Being a person who communicates what is true frequently demands tact, and at times it can feel like sidestepping land mines. It takes work to be both truthful and tactful.

Suppressing negative feelings is not loving, respectful or very wise. Speak up tactfully.

Can you begin to trust that God feels love for you even when you don’t feel that love?

Fight like a loving man and a respectful woman. Fight fair.

When you’re truly Christ-centered, instead of child-centered, you will be a more effective parent in the long run.

Be quick to listen and understand and you have a much better chance of being understood.

Whether visiting a prison, feeding the hungry, giving the thirsty a drink or speaking a word of love or respect, everything is to be done to and for Christ.

When a wife insists that her husband earn her respect, she puts him in a lose-lose situation.

You both forgive for one simple but profound reason: because you know Christ has forgiven you!

You speak lovingly or respectfully no matter how your spouse may speak to you in return. Your spouse is not the reason--good or bad--why you speak unconditional words of love or respect. God is the reason, and as you depend on Him, you will become increasingly able to speak lovingly and respectfully to your spouse.

Don’t label each other as bad because you differ on how you solve your troubles.

Marriage is a test of how you unconditionally love and respect your spouse as you obey, honor, and please the Lord.

Don’t pressure yourself with perfection. We are going to fail. A righteous man falls 7 times but gets back up.

If we subscribe to the belief that because we are equal we are the same, then we’re going to expect our spouse to respond the way we do.

This is the Rewarded Cycle: His love blesses regardless of her respect and her respect blesses regardless of his love.

Assume goodwill about the person you are in conflict with.

I have concluded that those of us in the church who believe we have the Truth are not using the whole truth. A crucial part of God’s Word has been completely ignored, or perhaps simply gone unnoticed, when it has been there right under our noses the whole time! Many Christian spouses know Ephesians 5:33 and can at least paraphrase it. The Apostle Paul tells husbands to love their wives as much as they love themselves, and wives are to respect their husbands. But is anyone really listening? Perhaps the first step to better communication between husband and wife is to hear what God’s Word clearly says. --Emerson

As strong and powerful as marriage bonds can become, our deepest dependency must be on the Lord, not another human being.

To stay the course in speaking words of Love and Respect, keep your heart in Scripture, trusting in and talking about His promises to help you.

It’s crucial to communicate with the right tone of voice and the right expression on your face.

Be a part of the solution, not part of the problem.

God’s commands are not burdensome, but are given to us to spare us from more pain. Why would God command you to do something that doesn’t work?

[Women], as you enter quiet dignity, not preaching at your husband or scolding him as though you were his mother, something happens in his soul as a male.

When a husband feels disrespected, he has a natural tendency to react in ways that feel unloving to his wife. (Perhaps the command to love was given to him precisely for this reason!) When a wife feels unloved, she has a natural tendency to react in ways that feel disrespectful to her husband. (Perhaps the command to respect was given to her precisely for this reason!)

Clearly, in the marriage, in the family and in the household, when you speak words of blessing, you are speaking to the Lord, and for this you will be rewarded.

Being friendly to her man is one of the most effective things a woman can do to strengthen her marriage.

Mistakes can’t be undone, but they can be forgiven.

If you want your husband to express appreciation for your attempts to be respectful, you must speak thankfully when he tries to be loving.

We must bring our identity in Christ to our parenting—we must not derive our identity from our children.

When you look to God and His Word as your ultimate source of significance and security, you don’t demand that your spouse take that role in your life. And as you draw strength from the Lord individually, He draws you closer together as a couple.

God is not pink. God is not blue. God is purple. When two become one, they have the potential of displaying God’s attributes and character.

Our trustworthiness rests on our truthfulness.

In your marriage be the first to “seek peace and pursue it” (1 Peter 3:11)

Your spouse may meet many of your needs, but your deepest dependency should be on your Lord.

God’s commands are there to help us, not to hinder us or hold us back as male and female.

Always remember that Pink and Blue have different wiring, different preferences. Assume your spouse has goodwill toward you, no matter what. Both of you can be right, while being different.

Could you be facing a crisis in faith more than a crisis in your marriage?

Your marriage is a test of your devotion to Christ.

Both Judas and Peter denied Jesus Christ, but there is a huge difference between a Judas and a Peter.

We have different vulnerabilities. We can pass judgment on one another all day long or we can say God made us different and that’s ok.

Words of Love or Respect must uplift your spouse, edifying- never manipulating him or her.

His love blesses regardless of her respect; her respect blesses regardless of his love.

As you pray together, you will truly learn to love and respect together.

“You can be right, but wrong at the top of your voice.”

[Husbands] do you realize the power of just holding your wife’s hand?

[Women], your self-love cannot be derived from your husband’s love. It can affect it, but it does not determine it.

Always try to look at your spouse the way Jesus does.