The Love and Respect Devotional

You must distinguish between “I can’t” and “I won’t.”

To stay the course in speaking words of Love and Respect, keep your heart in Scripture, trusting in and talking about His promises to help you.

We are either going to give in the darkness or we are going to give into the darkness.

“You can be right, but wrong at the top of your voice.”

Although the Crazy Cycle is not what God intends for any marriage, all couples get on it at times from one degree to another.

We send each other messages in “code” based on gender, even though we don’t intend to. What I say is not what you hear, and what you think you heard is not what I meant at all.

You cannot use unholy means to achieve a worthy end.

Every marriage includes trouble some of the time. Do not let the 20% leaven all the rest.

Ladies, be careful. “A nagging wife goes on and on like the drip, drip, drip of the rain” (Proverbs 19:13).

No one can really practice Love and Respect unless he or she does it as unto Jesus Christ.

Just because you may feel unloved or disrespected does not mean your spouse is sending that message.

Husbands, to energize your wife give her face-to-face time, allowing her to talk and share her feelings.

Knowing my spouse will not be able to love or respect me perfectly, I commit to having a forgiving spirit so that I may never speak hatefully or contemptuously.

You can be right but wrong at the top of your voice.

If a husband loves his wife as he should, she will feel honored and respected. If a wife respects her husband as she should, he will feel loved and appreciated. It’s a win-win.

Our trustworthiness rests on our truthfulness.

We have different vulnerabilities. We can pass judgment on one another all day long or we can say God made us different and that’s ok.

We all need to wrestle with the spiritual truth that God is good. If you don’t believe God is good, you won’t trust His word. If you don’t trust His word, you will find excuses to ignore His commands.

We have to step back as Christ followers and ask, “Do I have false expectations that my relationship should be romantic 99% of the time?”

When you come home after you have been apart, the first few moments of reconnecting will set the tone for the rest of the evening.

Respect for the husband is just as important as love for the wife.

Fight like a loving man and a respectful woman. Fight fair.

We blame people for the bad things we do, but take credit for the good things we do.

The mature one in the marriage seldom moves second.

“With eyes of faith, envision Jesus standing just beyond the shoulder of your spouse and listening to every word you speak in every conversation, pleasant or tense. When you speak lovingly or respectfully to your spouse, you are speaking to Christ. Your spouse just happens to be there too.” This truth has sanctified the lips of many. Instead of giving their spouse a verbal whipping or choking on the idea of saying anything positive, now some spouses are motivated to speak words of unconditional love or respect.

The Lord made women (Pink) and men (Blue) with differences, and He expects us to recognize and deal with those differences in a loving and respectful way.

He will feel appreciated when you disagree with him only in private and honor his authority in front of the kids.

With a better understanding of God’s promises, you will be on your way to a renewed mind and a changed life.

Share what God is saying to your heart, not what you think He needs to say to your mate.

The woman absolutely needs love, and the man absolutely needs respect. It’s as simple- and as difficult- as that.

You have two ears and one mouth; use them proportionately.

As you pray together, you will truly learn to love and respect together.

When parents genuinely trust and follow the Lord and His ways, their faith spills over onto the children.

Love and Respect is a faith venture, not a formula.

Christian maturity involves a lot of things, but surely it includes knowing how to process your anger.

Positive changes flood a relationship immediately when both husband and wife cancel the blame game!

When sorting out how to slow down the Crazy Cycle, it helps to remember that men are commanded to love because they don’t love naturally, and on the other side, women are commanded to respect because they don’t respect naturally.

Do you give yourself grace and your spouse judgment?

Focus on the positive in the midst of the negative, and the Energizing Cycle will keep right on humming.

When a wife asks, “Do you love me?” She is not trying to put her husband on the spot. She is simply looking for reassurance.

When confronting your spouse, attack the behavior, not the person.

When you look to God and His Word as your ultimate source of significance and security, you don’t demand that your spouse take that role in your life. And as you draw strength from the Lord individually, He draws you closer together as a couple.

As a husband, if you can grasp that you don’t always have to solve your wife’s problems, you will take a giant step toward showing her empathy and understanding.

There is power and freedom that comes in understanding that no one can cause you to react in a certain way. It is your choice.

Be friendly. Be friendly. Be friendly. Watch what happens.

Before hitting send, ask yourself, "Have I listened carefully and understand the exact issue on the table?"

Research shows that 70% of the couples who were extremely unhappy in their marriage, but hung in there and worked through the tough time, identified themselves as being very happy five years later.

You can experience hurt, but it is your choice to hate.

God’s commands are not burdensome, but are given to us to spare us from more pain. Why would God command you to do something that doesn’t work?

Do you believe that there is a God who really loves you and wants to help you?

Optimism or pessimism? It is always a choice, no matter what your natural temperament.

When we speak before we think, we widen the chances the other person(s) will be notably hurt, frustrated, confused, angry, fearful, or offended by something we’ve communicated.

Thank the Lord that in the very beginning He created them male and female – Blue and Pink. Ask Him for patience and ever-growing understanding of how men and women see and hear differently. “He created them male and female, and He blessed them.” (Genesis 5:2)

When you relinquish an offense, you need to send that offense somewhere. So follow Jesus’ example and release it to your heavenly Father.

Unconditional love or respect is never wasted. Hang onto this promise: “Let us not lose heart in doing good, for in due time we will reap if we do not grow weary” (Galatians 6:9).

A most significant point of this book is this: If what we think is true, kind, necessary, and clear, we need to have the courage to hit send. This isn’t about refraining from speaking; this is about speaking.

One thing to remember in this culture is if we say something complimentary towards one gender, we aren’t saying something against the other.

Responding to offensive words or actions with your own offensive words and actions is damaging and unproductive.

When you look to God and His Word as your ultimate source of significance and security, you don’t demand that your spouse take that role in your life. And as you draw strength from the Lord individually, He draws you closer together as a couple.

Recognize your different gifts--how each of you (Pink and Blue) functions according to God’s perfect design.

Above all trust God when the “whys” of life threaten to overwhelm you.

Pink and Blue perceptions not only affect seeing, they affect hearing as well. Women hear with pink hearing aids and men hear with blue hearing aids. Even more important to understand as you and your spouse seek to gain better communication, you can hear the very same words, but each of you will hear different messages.

Your spouse has a need that you don’t have. Are you going to say there is something seriously wrong with them or will you say “Viva la Difference”?

Though the end can be worthy (to be loved and respected), when each uses unholy means (unloving and disrespectful words and actions), it will not achieve those ends. We must treat others as we expect them to treat us. To deny this makes us arrogant or fools, or both.

It is so easy to draw wrong conclusions about a spouse’s character and motives due to an occasional flare-up or silly comment.

We might say that every negative action in the family has an equal and opposite negative reaction.

Life is too short to fuss and fret over trivial irritations.

When others do not respond to our communication, we need to look first at our communication style. Is the other person incapable of hearing what we have to say? Or are we abrupt, brusque, and curt?

[Husbands] as the church places her burdens on Christ, so a woman needs to place her burdens on her husband. When she shares with you, don’t assume she is asking you to solve the problem. Ask your wife, “Do you want a solution or a listening ear?”

Your position in Christ is what counts, not your less-than-perfect performance.

Do you seek to understand or only to be understood?

Wives, to energize your husband do an activity with him, shoulder-to-shoulder, without talking.

Will we decide how we see God based on our circumstances, or will we see our circumstances in light of how we view God?

Both Judas and Peter denied Jesus Christ, but there is a huge difference between a Judas and a Peter.

Could you be facing a crisis in faith more than a crisis in your marriage?

You can be right in the argument, but wrong in your approach.

When a husband feels disrespected, it is especially hard to love his wife. When a wife feels unloved, it is especially hard to respect her husband.

The difference between successful couples and unsuccessful couples is that successful ones keep getting up and dealing with the issues.

The key to motivating another person is meeting their deepest need, especially during conflict.

Our research shows that couples who pray together are more apt to reap all kinds of benefits, including better and more frequent communication, going on “dates” more frequently and having sex more frequently.

There is a plan to parent God’s way, even when our children may seek to go their own way at time. The secret is to follow this plan regardless. When you do, I believe you succeed in His eyes.

In the ultimate sense, your marriage has nothing to do with your spouse. It has everything to do with your relationship to Jesus Christ.

Marriage is a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and your reverence for Jesus Christ.

Since it is easy to focus on the negative, focus on your mate’s good qualities and express thanks with positive words of Love or Respect.

God designed the woman to love. He’s not going to command her to agape her husband when He created her to do that in the first place. God is not into redundancy.

This is the Rewarded Cycle: His love blesses regardless of her respect and her respect blesses regardless of his love.

You’re the only person in the world who can meet your spouse’s deepest need for love and respect. After all, you alone are married to your spouse.

Often both spouses have goodwill but are not deciphering each other’s code. She criticizes out of love, but he “hears” only disrespect. He distances himself to prevent feelings from escalating, which is the honorable thing to do, but she “sees” only his failure to be loving!

To not forgive is to shoot yourself in the foot and put extra gas in the Crazy Cycle.

When you’re truly Christ-centered, instead of child-centered, you will be a more effective parent in the long run.

We all need love and respect equally. But, during conflict our felt needs are as different as pink is from blue.

It’s so easy to dismiss our spouse as childish because we don’t have the same vulnerabilities they do.

God is good and wants what is best for us.

A major step toward a happy marriage is accepting differences and working them out with love and respect.

Each of you must focus on what God is calling you to do toward your spouse. Do not focus on what you think God is calling your spouse to do toward you.

A man has a natural, inborn desire to go out and “conquer” the challenges of his world – to work and achieve.

Money squabbles don’t undermine love and respect; they simply reveal unloving and disrespectful attitudes, which are the real reason why a marriage can start to wobble on the Crazy Cycle.

Accentuate the positive and eliminate the negative with lots of love and respect in between.

Your husband knows you appreciate his desire to protect and provide when you praise his commitment to provide for you. You empathize when he reveals his male mindset about position, status, or rank at work.

I had often asked God to compensate for my mistakes, but in return had I thought He would give me perfect children?