The Love and Respect Devotional

When Jesus said “turn the other cheek,” He wasn’t saying to be passive wimps. He was teaching that physically people can control you but if you turn and give the other cheek, suddenly you’re in control and you’re making the choices.

Just because you may feel unloved or disrespected does not mean your spouse is sending that message.

When there is confusion, I try to refrain from attacking another for not listening carefully (which may not be the case). Instead, I take a run at communicating again, but more clearly.

Your spouse has a need that you don’t have. Are you going to say there is something seriously wrong with them or will you say “Viva la Difference”?

We easily see what is done to us before we see what we are doing to our mate.

It is crucial for a husband and wife to see that neither one is wrong, but both of them are very different--in body function, outlook and perspective.

She’ll feel at peace with you when you let her vent your frustrations and hurts and don’t get angry and close her off.

“With eyes of faith, envision Jesus standing just beyond the shoulder of your spouse and listening to every word you speak in every conversation, pleasant or tense. When you speak lovingly or respectfully to your spouse, you are speaking to Christ. Your spouse just happens to be there too.” This truth has sanctified the lips of many. Instead of giving their spouse a verbal whipping or choking on the idea of saying anything positive, now some spouses are motivated to speak words of unconditional love or respect.

Money squabbles don’t undermine love and respect; they simply reveal unloving and disrespectful attitudes, which are the real reason why a marriage can start to wobble on the Crazy Cycle.

Could you be facing a crisis in faith more than a crisis in your marriage?

Do you understand that God feels compassion for you, no matter what you have done or what your circumstances may be?

God is good and wants what is best for us.

[Women], as you enter quiet dignity, not preaching at your husband or scolding him as though you were his mother, something happens in his soul as a male.

Often both spouses have goodwill but are not deciphering each other’s code. She criticizes out of love, but he “hears” only disrespect. He distances himself to prevent feelings from escalating, which is the honorable thing to do, but she “sees” only his failure to be loving!

Respect for the husband is just as important as love for the wife.

Your wife will feel esteemed when you speak highly of her in front of others.

When you’re truly Christ-centered, instead of child-centered, you will be a more effective parent in the long run.

“You can be right, but wrong at the top of your voice.”

As you pray together, you will truly learn to love and respect together.

No matter how difficult your spouse may be at the moment, your spouse does not have control over your reaction; you do. You may be experiencing disappointment, frustration, or anger, but you always have a choice.

We all need love and respect equally. But, during conflict our felt needs are as different as pink is from blue.

Thank God for His forgiveness of your mistakes. In trying to be a loving man or a respectful woman, we blow it. Owning up to mistakes is never easy, but it is always the way to move forward. Take good care not to accuse your spouse of mistakes as you pray. Also, pray about any forgiving to be done in the family, any forgiveness that needs to be asked. Children may need forgiveness (and what about Mom and Dad?). “There is no one on earth who does what is right all the time and never makes a mistake.” (Ecclesiastes 7:20)

Women give a report to build rapport. Men bond through shoulder-to-shoulder activities without talking.

Your spouse may meet many of your needs, but your deepest dependency should be on your Lord.

We are either going to give in the darkness or we are going to give into the darkness.

The Love and Respect message is not about a husband earning his wife’s respect by being more loving any more than it is about a wife earning her husband’s love by being more respectful. Always love or respect is given unconditionally according to God’s commands.

We might say that every negative action in the family has an equal and opposite negative reaction.

The more we are upset at something, the wiser it is to let twenty-four hours pass before responding.

Holding back your love or respect will just keep the Crazy Cycle spinning away, but being mature and making the first move could slow it down.

This is the Rewarded Cycle: His love blesses regardless of her respect and her respect blesses regardless of his love.

When you relinquish an offense, you need to send that offense somewhere. So follow Jesus’ example and release it to your heavenly Father.

Although the Crazy Cycle is not what God intends for any marriage, all couples get on it at times from one degree to another.

Assume goodwill about the person you are in conflict with.

Your marriage is really a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and reverence for your Lord.

Do you bow to the influence of Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?

A parent needs to feel respected, especially during conflicts...A child need to feel loved, especially during disputes.

You can experience hurt, but it is your choice to hate.

When a husband feels disrespected, he has a natural tendency to react in ways that feel unloving to his wife. (Perhaps the command to love was given to him precisely for this reason!) When a wife feels unloved, she has a natural tendency to react in ways that feel disrespectful to her husband. (Perhaps the command to respect was given to her precisely for this reason!)

Your spouse deserves the truth from you. Do your best to tell it with love and respect.

Good intentions do not always produce good words or outcomes.

Unconditional love or respect is never wasted. Hang onto this promise: “Let us not lose heart in doing good, for in due time we will reap if we do not grow weary” (Galatians 6:9).

As a husband, if you can grasp that you don’t always have to solve your wife’s problems, you will take a giant step toward showing her empathy and understanding.

Self-interest should never come ahead of your spouse’s interests.

One thing to remember in this culture is if we say something complimentary towards one gender, we aren’t saying something against the other.

We are worth Jesus to the Father.

You may believe that the careless, unloving or disrespectful words you speak are because your spouse is causing you to speak this way, but Jesus says that it is coming out of your heart.

So I encourage every husband and wife to commit to the Jesus Way of Talking. Instead of allowing the stress of the situation to control you, you can say to yourself, “Because I love the Lord and I know that He rewards every good word, I am going to be truthful even if my spouse is not. I will also be uplifting, forgiving, thankful and scriptural in my speech because my ultimate goal is to please the Lord. Whatever my spouse’s weaknesses or bad habits might be, I will not let them cause me to sin with my lips.”

The difference between successful couples and unsuccessful couples is that successful ones keep getting up and dealing with the issues.

Unconditional respect is as powerful to him as unconditional love is to her.

Refuse to let evil turn you into a contemptuous and hateful person.

The moment we cry to Him for help, He is already pleased. He gives us strength to love our children.

Words of Love and Respect must include thankfulness spoken to or about your spouse; don’t fixate on weaknesses and faults.

Optimism or pessimism? It is always a choice, no matter what your natural temperament.

Men are solution oriented, they love to solve problems. They want to be helpful.

Wives, you never know: The way you handle this [conflict] might bring your husband not only back to you, but to God. Husbands, you never know: The way you handle this [conflict] might bring your wife not only back to you, but to God. (1 Corinthians 7:16)

You can be right in the argument, but wrong in your approach.

You have to become proactive, rather than just trying to stop the reactive.

Above all trust God when the “whys” of life threaten to overwhelm you.

Your hunger for God can create an appetite in your children.

A marriage relationship will be energized when couples learn how to motivate each other God’s way.

Trust God when the “why’s” of life threaten to overwhelm you.

When a wife feels unloved, it can be such a shock to her heart that she is oblivious to her disrespectful reactions toward her husband, though any man watching could see it plainly.

A strong woman of dignity puts on respect out of her love and reverence for Jesus Christ. She trusts that His word not only protects and empowers her, but also rewards her with incomprehensible eternal blessings.

Often the apparent issue isn’t the real issue; the real issue is always a matter of love or respect.

Words of love from a husband are like good medicine that brings life to the marriage.

The Crazy Cycle is, indeed, “the evil of folly and the foolishness of madness” (Ecclesiastes 7:25).

Words of wisdom for all husbands and wives are these: We easily see what is done to us before we see what we are doing to our mate.

There is power and freedom that comes in understanding that no one can cause you to react in a certain way. It is your choice.

To stay the course in speaking words of Love and Respect, keep your heart in Scripture, trusting in and talking about His promises to help you.

Whether visiting a prison, feeding the hungry, giving the thirsty a drink or speaking a word of love or respect, everything is to be done to and for Christ.

A husband may deserve contempt, but that doesn’t win him any more than harshness and anger wins the heart of a woman.

The key to motivating another person is meeting their deepest need, especially during conflict.

Assuming goodwill can be revolutionary in relationships.

It’s true that women have intuition and that men should listen to them. It’s also true that women have blind spots and need the insight of their husbands.

Positive changes flood a relationship immediately when both husband and wife cancel the blame game!

Can you begin to trust that God feels love for you even when you don’t feel that love?

We get on the Crazy Cycle because without love a wife reacts without respect, and without respect a husband reacts without love.

God’s commands are there to help us, not to hinder us or hold us back as male and female.

We send each other messages in “code” based on gender, even though we don’t intend to. What I say is not what you hear, and what you think you heard is not what I meant at all.

We have different vulnerabilities. We can pass judgment on one another all day long or we can say God made us different and that’s ok.

The Crazy Cycle is, indeed “the evil of folly and the foolishness of madness” (Ecclesiastes 7:25)

When you possess a forgiving spirit, words of Love and Respect will flow authentically from your lips- and realize that the Lord Himself is listening to you at moments like these. He knows you are not powerless, but actually full of power that He has granted you.

God rewards your obedience to love and respect, even if your spouse does not respond!

No matter how difficult your spouse may be at the moment, your spouse does not have control over your reaction; you do. You may be experiencing disappointment, frustration or anger, but you always have a choice. A wife can choose to be disrespectful or respectful. A husband can choose to be unloving or loving.

A major step toward a happy marriage is accepting differences and working them out with love and respect.

Our research shows that couples who pray together are more apt to reap all kinds of benefits, including better and more frequent communication, going on “dates” more frequently and having sex more frequently.

When others do not respond to our communication, we need to look first at our communication style. Is the other person incapable of hearing what we have to say? Or are we abrupt, brusque, and curt?

You’re the only person in the world who can meet your spouse’s deepest need for love and respect. After all, you alone are married to your spouse.

Accentuate the positive and eliminate the negative with lots of love and respect in between.

When a husband chooses to do or say something loving, and that includes saying, ‘I’m sorry for coming across in an unloving way,’ he energizes his wife. When a wife decides to express herself respectfully, and that includes apologizing for her disrespectful attitude, she energizes her husband.

The woman absolutely needs love, and the man absolutely needs respect. It’s as simple- and as difficult- as that.

Husbands, even Jesus Himself was asked by a woman, “Do you not care?” (Luke 10:40) When your wife accuses you of not caring, decode her deeper meaning.

A wife has one driving need: to feel loved. When that need is met, she is happy. A husband has one driving need: to feel respected. When that need is met, he is happy. When either of these needs isn’t met, things get crazy with conflict.

Your wife feels you are open with her when you discuss financial concerns, possible job changes or ideas for your future.

Your marriage is a test of your devotion to Christ.

No matter what your struggle- criticism, constant conflict, sex, money, parenting, harsh words- learning to communicate the Love and Respect way can help you make crucial changes and build the kind of relationship that God blesses.

As strong and powerful as marriage bonds can become, our deepest dependency must be on the Lord, not another human being.

When your wife comes to talk to you, listen to her. Realize she is coming to you because you matter more to her than anyone else. She has certain emotional needs and only you can meet them. Sometimes she may say things that don’t make sense to you and she is apt to misspeak and exaggerate when she is upset, but don’t put her down. Instead, listen to her heart. Give her a chance to express her concerns and, as she does so, don’t try to fix her. Don’t give her your solutions unless she asks for them.

God is not pink. God is not blue. God is purple. When two become one, they have the potential of displaying God’s attributes and character.

Always remember that Pink and Blue have different wiring, different preferences. Assume your spouse has goodwill toward you, no matter what. Both of you can be right, while being different.