Motivating Your Man God's Way: Discover One Word that Energizes Him to Love

When we speak before we think, we widen the chances the other person(s) will be notably hurt, frustrated, confused, angry, fearful, or offended by something we’ve communicated.

The mature one in the marriage seldom moves second.

Words of Love and Respect must include thankfulness spoken to or about your spouse; don’t fixate on weaknesses and faults.

If you want your husband to express appreciation for your attempts to be respectful, you must speak thankfully when he tries to be loving.

Accidental sparks (unwise remarks) ignite and fuel a fire, and vroom goes the Crazy Cycle.

When Jesus said “turn the other cheek,” He wasn’t saying to be passive wimps. He was teaching that physically people can control you but if you turn and give the other cheek, suddenly you’re in control and you’re making the choices.

Positive changes flood a relationship immediately when both husband and wife cancel the blame game!

When a husband feels disrespected, it is especially hard to love his wife. When a wife feels unloved, it is especially hard to respect her husband.

Your marriage is really a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and reverence for your Lord.

We easily see what is done to us before we see what we are doing to our mate.

Being friendly to her man is one of the most effective things a woman can do to strengthen her marriage.

When a husband chooses to come across lovingly even though he feels disrespected, he can prevent the Crazy Cycle from spinning and possibly getting out of control.

Accentuate the positive and eliminate the negative with lots of love and respect in between.

To not forgive is to shoot yourself in the foot and put extra gas in the Crazy Cycle.

We have discovered that as women motivate their man God’s way, men are energized to love them better. It doesn’t matter if your marriage is good or seems like there is no hope. We have seen God move in powerful ways even when things looked hopeless.

You have to become proactive, rather than just trying to stop the reactive.

When you love or respect unconditionally regardless of the outcome, you are following God and His will for you.

The Love and Respect message is not about a husband earning his wife’s respect by being more loving any more than it is about a wife earning her husband’s love by being more respectful. Always love or respect is given unconditionally according to God’s commands.

When a wife insists that her husband earn her respect, she puts him in a lose-lose situation.

Whether visiting a prison, feeding the hungry, giving the thirsty a drink or speaking a word of love or respect, everything is to be done to and for Christ.

She’ll feel at peace with you when you let her vent your frustrations and hurts and don’t get angry and close her off.

If husbands and wives are to understand the Love and Respect Connection, they must realize that they communicate in code. And the problem is, they don’t know how to decipher the messages they send to one another.

Most marriages will succeed when obeying the command to Love and Respect.

Husbands primarily want to hear ‘respect” talk during conflict. Wives primarily want to hear “love” talk during conflict.

You may believe that the careless, unloving or disrespectful words you speak are because your spouse is causing you to speak this way, but Jesus says that it is coming out of your heart.

With a better understanding of God’s promises, you will be on your way to a renewed mind and a changed life.

When one of you makes a mistake, control any anger you may feel and trust God completely, no matter what happens.

Getting married reveals, usually sooner than later, an incontestable fact: your spouse cannot possibly meet all your needs and desires

[Women], your self-love cannot be derived from your husband’s love. It can affect it, but it does not determine it.

Thank God for His forgiveness of your mistakes. In trying to be a loving man or a respectful woman, we blow it. Owning up to mistakes is never easy, but it is always the way to move forward. Take good care not to accuse your spouse of mistakes as you pray. Also, pray about any forgiving to be done in the family, any forgiveness that needs to be asked. Children may need forgiveness (and what about Mom and Dad?). “There is no one on earth who does what is right all the time and never makes a mistake.” (Ecclesiastes 7:20)

We send each other messages in “code” based on gender, even though we don’t intend to. What I say is not what you hear, and what you think you heard is not what I meant at all.

Thank the Lord for the goodwill each of you has toward the other. Ask Him for strength to give each other the benefit of the doubt during moments when someone’s goodwill seems to be lacking. “He who seeks good finds goodwill, but evil comes to him who searches for it.” (Proverbs 11:27)

It is crucial for a husband and wife to see that neither one is wrong, but both of them are very different--in body function, outlook and perspective.

Husbands, even Jesus Himself was asked by a woman, “Do you not care?” (Luke 10:40) When your wife accuses you of not caring, decode her deeper meaning.

One thing to remember in this culture is if we say something complimentary towards one gender, we aren’t saying something against the other.

Can you begin to trust that God feels love for you even when you don’t feel that love?

It’s true that women have intuition and that men should listen to them. It’s also true that women have blind spots and need the insight of their husbands.

Through Jesus and Peter, God set forth His standard for living in the unconditional dimension: choose to be loving even when the other person is not; do what is right regardless of the treatment you receive. I believe this standard applies directly to marriage. A husband who speaks lovingly to his disrespectful wife will be rewarded; and a wife who speaks respectfully to her unloving, not-worthy-of-respect husband will be rewarded. Whether you are husband or wife, the reward is what can keep you going in the midst of the craziness: knowing that God commends you, knowing that you have found his favor for your words and actions.

Marriage is a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and your reverence for Jesus Christ.

Responding to offensive words or actions with your own offensive words and actions is damaging and unproductive.

If a husband is commanded to agape- love his wife, then she truly needs love.

Just because you’re offended doesn’t mean the other person is offensive.

Truth will carry its own weight if delivered respectfully and lovingly.

Often the apparent issue isn’t the real issue; the real issue is always a matter of love or respect.

Ladies, be careful. “A nagging wife goes on and on like the drip, drip, drip of the rain” (Proverbs 19:13).

“Living happily ever after” means knowing how to deal with the imperfect parts of life.

If you are seeking positive change in your marriage, you will need to make a positive change in your attitude and actions.

She’s not wrong for not being male. He is not wrong for not being female. When you put pink and blue together, you get purple, the color of royalty; the color of God. Together, a husband and wife reflect God’s image.

Recognize your different gifts--how each of you (Pink and Blue) functions according to God’s perfect design.

Unconditional respect is as powerful to him as unconditional love is to her.

God designed the woman to love. He’s not going to command her to agape her husband when He created her to do that in the first place. God is not into redundancy.

Your hunger for God can create an appetite in your children.

When you look to God and His Word as your ultimate source of significance and security, you don’t demand that your spouse take that role in your life. And as you draw strength from the Lord individually, He draws you closer together as a couple.

We blame people for the bad things we do, but take credit for the good things we do.

If we subscribe to the belief that because we are equal we are the same, then we’re going to expect our spouse to respond the way we do.

It’s hard to realize that we would never act around our business associates the way we act around our spouse.

In your marriage be the first to “seek peace and pursue it” (1 Peter 3:11)

This is the Rewarded Cycle: His love blesses regardless of her respect and her respect blesses regardless of his love.

Words of wisdom for all husbands and wives are these: We easily see what is done to us before we see what we are doing to our mate.

He will feel appreciated when you disagree with him only in private and honor his authority in front of the kids.

God’s commands are there to help us, not to hinder us or hold us back as male and female.

Parenting is a faith venture. As we parent “unto Christ” we reap God’s reward, “knowing that whatever good anyone does, he will receive the same from the Lord” (Eph. 6:8 NKJV)

Every marriage includes trouble some of the time. Do not let the 20% leaven all the rest.

I had often asked God to compensate for my mistakes, but in return had I thought He would give me perfect children?

To stay the course in speaking words of Love and Respect, keep your heart in Scripture, trusting in and talking about His promises to help you.

Mistakes can’t be undone, but they can be forgiven.

Our trustworthiness rests on our truthfulness.

You speak lovingly or respectfully no matter how your spouse may speak to you in return. Your spouse is not the reason--good or bad--why you speak unconditional words of love or respect. God is the reason, and as you depend on Him, you will become increasingly able to speak lovingly and respectfully to your spouse.

In the ultimate sense, your marriage has nothing to do with your spouse. It has everything to do with your relationship to Jesus Christ.

A parent needs to feel respected, especially during conflicts...A child need to feel loved, especially during disputes.

Above all trust God when the “whys” of life threaten to overwhelm you.

Your spouse may meet many of your needs, but your deepest dependency should be on your Lord.

Let the Lord change you, but don’t try to change each other.

Pink and Blue perceptions not only affect seeing, they affect hearing as well. Women hear with pink hearing aids and men hear with blue hearing aids. Even more important to understand as you and your spouse seek to gain better communication, you can hear the very same words, but each of you will hear different messages.

Self-interest should never come ahead of your spouse’s interests.

The woman absolutely needs love, and the man absolutely needs respect. It’s as simple- and as difficult- as that.

A marriage relationship will be energized when couples learn how to motivate each other God’s way.

Our research shows that couples who pray together are more apt to reap all kinds of benefits, including better and more frequent communication, going on “dates” more frequently and having sex more frequently.

We are either going to give in the darkness or we are going to give into the darkness.

When you relinquish an offense, you need to send that offense somewhere. So follow Jesus’ example and release it to your heavenly Father.

Research and experience prove that men and women see and hear differently. Recognizing these differences and adjusting to them is absolutely necessary for reaching mutual understanding and better communication.

Never give up. If you want to have a strong marriage, you need to accept temporary setbacks as part of the game.

He will feel appreciated when you recognize his problem-solving approach as his male brand of empathy.

Assume goodwill about the person you are in conflict with.

Money squabbles don’t undermine love and respect; they simply reveal unloving and disrespectful attitudes, which are the real reason why a marriage can start to wobble on the Crazy Cycle.

[Husbands] as the church places her burdens on Christ, so a woman needs to place her burdens on her husband. When she shares with you, don’t assume she is asking you to solve the problem. Ask your wife, “Do you want a solution or a listening ear?”

Always remember that Pink and Blue have different wiring, different preferences. Assume your spouse has goodwill toward you, no matter what. Both of you can be right, while being different.

Whose voice are you listening to: Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?

It is hard to be negative while being thankful.

Research shows that 70% of the couples who were extremely unhappy in their marriage, but hung in there and worked through the tough time, identified themselves as being very happy five years later.

Respect for the husband is just as important as love for the wife.

If you want your wife to express appreciation for your attempts to be loving, you must use thankful words when she tries to speak or act respectfully.

We all need to wrestle with the spiritual truth that God is good. If you don’t believe God is good, you won’t trust His word. If you don’t trust His word, you will find excuses to ignore His commands.

Don’t pressure yourself with perfection. We are going to fail. A righteous man falls 7 times but gets back up.

When confronting your spouse, attack the behavior, not the person.

“You can be right, but wrong at the top of your voice.”

To build a lasting legacy, use proven wisdom that you glean from the Lord.

Optimism or pessimism? It is always a choice, no matter what your natural temperament.

Your husband knows you appreciate his desire to protect and provide when you praise his commitment to provide for you. You empathize when he reveals his male mindset about position, status, or rank at work.

Clearly, in the marriage, in the family and in the household, when you speak words of blessing, you are speaking to the Lord, and for this you will be rewarded.