Motivating Your Man God's Way: Discover One Word that Energizes Him to Love

The Crazy Cycle is, indeed “the evil of folly and the foolishness of madness” (Ecclesiastes 7:25)

Your spouse deserves the truth from you. Do your best to tell it with love and respect.

Our trustworthiness rests on our truthfulness.

Could you be facing a crisis in faith more than a crisis in your marriage?

Your hunger for God can create an appetite in your children.

Thank the Lord for the goodwill each of you has toward the other. Ask Him for strength to give each other the benefit of the doubt during moments when someone’s goodwill seems to be lacking. “He who seeks good finds goodwill, but evil comes to him who searches for it.” (Proverbs 11:27)

[Women], as you enter quiet dignity, not preaching at your husband or scolding him as though you were his mother, something happens in his soul as a male.

When a husband feels disrespected, he has a natural tendency to react in ways that feel unloving to his wife. (Perhaps the command to love was given to him precisely for this reason!) When a wife feels unloved, she has a natural tendency to react in ways that feel disrespectful to her husband. (Perhaps the command to respect was given to her precisely for this reason!)

If a husband loves his wife as he should, she will feel honored and respected. If a wife respects her husband as she should, he will feel loved and appreciated. It’s a win-win.

Your wife will feel esteemed when you speak highly of her in front of others.

You can experience hurt, but it is your choice to hate.

Let the Lord change you, but don’t try to change each other.

Troubles over sex and money do not cause a marriage to go under. The lack of love and respect during conflict cause the marriage to go under.

Always see your mate as an ally. Feedback is of little use if you see your spouse as an enemy. Giving and receiving constructive feedback is based on feelings of goodwill in both partners. Both of you need to remember that, even if you don’t always agree and even if you become irritated or angry, you are friends, and neither of you means to hurt the other.

[Women], your self-love cannot be derived from your husband’s love. It can affect it, but it does not determine it.

As strong and powerful as marriage bonds can become, our deepest dependency must be on the Lord, not another human being.

We can all have moments of anger, but this does not mean we have to lose control and sin.

Christian maturity involves a lot of things, but surely it includes knowing how to process your anger.

To build a lasting legacy, use proven wisdom that you glean from the Lord.

No matter how difficult your spouse may be at the moment, your spouse does not have control over your reaction; you do. You may be experiencing disappointment, frustration or anger, but you always have a choice. A wife can choose to be disrespectful or respectful. A husband can choose to be unloving or loving.

Love and Respect is a faith venture, not a formula.

When you come home after you have been apart, the first few moments of reconnecting will set the tone for the rest of the evening.

There is power and freedom that comes in understanding that no one can cause you to react in a certain way. It is your choice.

[Husbands] as the church places her burdens on Christ, so a woman needs to place her burdens on her husband. When she shares with you, don’t assume she is asking you to solve the problem. Ask your wife, “Do you want a solution or a listening ear?”

We get on the Crazy Cycle because without love a wife reacts without respect, and without respect a husband reacts without love.

Trust God when the “why’s” of life threaten to overwhelm you.

Negative actions rarely produce positive results.

A wife has one driving need: to feel loved. When that need is met, she is happy. A husband has one driving need: to feel respected. When that need is met, he is happy. When either of these needs isn’t met, things get crazy with conflict.

In your marriage be the first to “seek peace and pursue it” (1 Peter 3:11)

A strong woman of dignity puts on respect out of her love and reverence for Jesus Christ. She trusts that His word not only protects and empowers her, but also rewards her with incomprehensible eternal blessings.

You have two ears and one mouth; use them proportionately.

Your spouse has a need that you don’t have. Are you going to say there is something seriously wrong with them or will you say “Viva la Difference”?

The mature one in the marriage seldom moves second.

When Jesus said “turn the other cheek,” He wasn’t saying to be passive wimps. He was teaching that physically people can control you but if you turn and give the other cheek, suddenly you’re in control and you’re making the choices.

Most marriages will succeed when obeying the command to Love and Respect.

Your spouse can affect you, but your spouse does not control you.

As mature men, we need to take leadership and put this out on the table. We must acknowledge our feelings- we need to feel respected. However, as we do this we must acknowledge our wife’s feelings- she needs to feel loved!

Every marriage includes trouble some of the time. Do not let the 20% leaven all the rest.

Do you understand that God feels compassion for you, no matter what you have done or what your circumstances may be?

The difference between successful couples and unsuccessful couples is that successful ones keep getting up and dealing with the issues.

As a husband, if you can grasp that you don’t always have to solve your wife’s problems, you will take a giant step toward showing her empathy and understanding.

Your spouse can have a need that you don’t have and that’s okay.

Fight like a loving man and a respectful woman. Fight fair.

You cannot use unholy means to achieve a worthy end.

Thank the Lord that in the very beginning He created them male and female – Blue and Pink. Ask Him for patience and ever-growing understanding of how men and women see and hear differently. “He created them male and female, and He blessed them.” (Genesis 5:2)

It is so easy to draw wrong conclusions about a spouse’s character and motives due to an occasional flare-up or silly comment.

When the wife flatly says her husband will have to earn her respect before she gives him any, she leaves the husband in a lose-lose situation. Now he is responsible for both love and respect in the relationship. He must unconditionally love his wife and earn her respect.

I had often asked God to compensate for my mistakes, but in return had I thought He would give me perfect children?

Whose voice are you listening to: Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?

When evil comes at you, you’re the one who makes the choice of whether or not it is going to go into you.

Getting married reveals, usually sooner than later, an incontestable fact: your spouse cannot possibly meet all your needs and desires

Being friendly to her man is one of the most effective things a woman can do to strengthen her marriage.

In the ultimate sense you marriage has nothing to do with your spouse. It has everything to do with your relationship with Jesus Christ.

With a better understanding of God’s promises, you will be on your way to a renewed mind and a changed life.

How we react to a situation reveals more about us than about the other person.

When you love or respect unconditionally regardless of the outcome, you are following God and His will for you.

God’s commands are not burdensome, but are given to us to spare us from more pain. Why would God command you to do something that doesn’t work?

Clarifying is what you do before you step on your mate’s air hose and deflate his or her spirit. For example, you are having a typical conversation, but you can tell there is a misunderstanding. One of you isn’t being clear or isn’t hearing correctly. Then and there you clarify the misunderstanding before your spouse’s spirit deflates. You lovingly or respectfully clarify matters so that your spouse will not feel unloved or disrespected. The reason you take pains to clarify a seemingly small matter is to prevent the situation from becoming a love and respect issue that needs decoding. Clarifying is what you do to stay off the Crazy Cycle and keep positive, energetic feelings flowing between the two of you, to keep yourselves on the Energizing Cycle.

His love motivates her respect. Her respect motivates his love.

God is not trying to trick you or mess with you. Trust that He wants to reveal Himself to you just as much as He wants to reveal Himself to the world.

We can communicate the truth in the best of manners, but the person may be so insecure he or she can only react and attack like a wounded bear.

Unconditional respect, like unconditional love, is all about how one sounds (tone of voice and word choice) and appears (facial expressions and physical actions).

Words of Love or Respect must uplift your spouse, edifying- never manipulating him or her.

Just because you may feel unloved or disrespected does not mean your spouse is sending that message.

Through Jesus and Peter, God set forth His standard for living in the unconditional dimension: choose to be loving even when the other person is not; do what is right regardless of the treatment you receive. I believe this standard applies directly to marriage. A husband who speaks lovingly to his disrespectful wife will be rewarded; and a wife who speaks respectfully to her unloving, not-worthy-of-respect husband will be rewarded. Whether you are husband or wife, the reward is what can keep you going in the midst of the craziness: knowing that God commends you, knowing that you have found his favor for your words and actions.

Be quick to listen and understand and you have a much better chance of being understood.

Thank God for joining you together and for allowing you to trust Him to help you, whatever the issue. God is there for you and expects you to look to Him to keep you together as a team, so ask Him for His help in the smallest of concerns. “So they are no longer two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate.” (Matthew 19:6)

Assume goodwill about the person you are in conflict with.

A man has a natural, inborn desire to go out and “conquer” the challenges of his world – to work and achieve.

We have different vulnerabilities. We can pass judgment on one another all day long or we can say God made us different and that’s ok.

She’ll feel at peace with you when you let her vent your frustrations and hurts and don’t get angry and close her off.

Ladies, be careful. “A nagging wife goes on and on like the drip, drip, drip of the rain” (Proverbs 19:13).

When you play the blame game your marriage never wins.

Money squabbles don’t undermine love and respect; they simply reveal unloving and disrespectful attitudes, which are the real reason why a marriage can start to wobble on the Crazy Cycle.

You speak lovingly or respectfully no matter how your spouse may speak to you in return. Your spouse is not the reason--good or bad--why you speak unconditional words of love or respect. God is the reason, and as you depend on Him, you will become increasingly able to speak lovingly and respectfully to your spouse.

[Husbands] the most powerful weapons you have are your ears. Just listen to your wife, and she is much more likely to feel understood.

Accidental sparks (unwise remarks) ignite and fuel a fire, and vroom goes the Crazy Cycle.

If a husband is commanded to agape- love his wife, then she truly needs love.

Be a part of the solution, not part of the problem.

You can be right but wrong at the top of your voice.

Thank God for His forgiveness of your mistakes. In trying to be a loving man or a respectful woman, we blow it. Owning up to mistakes is never easy, but it is always the way to move forward. Take good care not to accuse your spouse of mistakes as you pray. Also, pray about any forgiving to be done in the family, any forgiveness that needs to be asked. Children may need forgiveness (and what about Mom and Dad?). “There is no one on earth who does what is right all the time and never makes a mistake.” (Ecclesiastes 7:20)

We are worth Jesus to the Father.

Life is too short to fuss and fret over trivial irritations.

Unconditional love or respect is never wasted. Hang onto this promise: “Let us not lose heart in doing good, for in due time we will reap if we do not grow weary” (Galatians 6:9).

We send each other messages in “code” based on gender, even though we don’t intend to. What I say is not what you hear, and what you think you heard is not what I meant at all.

“Respect is a man’s deepest value. I have had numerous men tell me, ‘I would rather live with a wife who respected me but did not love me than live with a wife who loved me but did not respect me.’ These men are not saying that they are indifferent to love. They know they need love, but they need to feel respected even more than they need to feel loved.“

Research and experience prove that men and women see and hear differently. Recognizing these differences and adjusting to them is absolutely necessary for reaching mutual understanding and better communication.

A husband may deserve contempt, but that doesn’t win him any more than harshness and anger wins the heart of a woman.

To get offended is easy, but to forgive is within your power as you walk in His steps.

Just because you’re offended doesn’t mean the other person is offensive.

To not forgive is to shoot yourself in the foot and put extra gas in the Crazy Cycle.

God rewards your obedience to love and respect, even if your spouse does not respond!

When we feel crippling discouragement by the sinful choices and outcomes of our kids, we must not let this permanently deter us from parenting God’s way.

Avoid like the plague trying to punish each other as a means of “motivation.” Christ-followers instinctively know that this destroys any opportunity to act out of reverence for Christ. In all marital issues, love and reverence for Christ must be our primary motivation.

If you are seeking positive change in your marriage, you will need to make a positive change in your attitude and actions.

Mutual understanding, not communication, is the key to a healthy marriage relationship.

You may believe that the careless, unloving or disrespectful words you speak are because your spouse is causing you to speak this way, but Jesus says that it is coming out of your heart.

He will feel appreciated when you recognize his problem-solving approach as his male brand of empathy.

It’s hard to realize that we would never act around our business associates the way we act around our spouse.

A wife has one driving need--to feel loved. When that need is met she is happy. A husband has one driving need--to feel respected. When that need is met he is happy. When either of these needs isn’t met, things get crazy. Love and Respect reveals why spouses react negatively to each other, and how they can deal with such conflict quickly, easily and biblically.