Motivating Your Man God's Way: Discover One Word that Energizes Him to Love

When you relinquish an offense, you need to send that offense somewhere. So follow Jesus’ example and release it to your heavenly Father.

When you love or respect unconditionally regardless of the outcome, you are following God and His will for you.

The woman absolutely needs love, and the man absolutely needs respect. It’s as simple- and as difficult- as that.

Positive changes flood a relationship immediately when both husband and wife cancel the blame game!

A marriage relationship will be energized when couples learn how to motivate each other God’s way.

Always remember that Pink and Blue have different wiring, different preferences. Assume your spouse has goodwill toward you, no matter what. Both of you can be right, while being different.

When you play the blame game your marriage never wins.

Can you begin to trust that God feels love for you even when you don’t feel that love?

Trusting and obeying God’s Word because we love and reverence God never, ever makes us a hypocrite! When the alarm goes off in the morning, we get up, even when we don’t feel like it getting up. Because we do what we don’t feel like doing, does that make us hypocrites? No, it’s a sign we are responsible people. Showing respectful behavior when we don’t “feel respectful” is evidence of maturity.

Marital researchers agree that a huge percentage of communication problems between husband and wife are due not to what is said but to how it is said – the attitude and tone of voice.

Could you be facing a crisis in faith more than a crisis in your marriage?

This is the Rewarded Cycle: His love blesses regardless of her respect and her respect blesses regardless of his love.

We must bring our identity in Christ to our parenting—we must not derive our identity from our children.

Do you give yourself grace and your spouse judgment?

We have to step back as Christ followers and ask, “Do I have false expectations that my relationship should be romantic 99% of the time?”

Your wife feels you are open with her when you discuss financial concerns, possible job changes or ideas for your future.

Money squabbles don’t undermine love and respect; they simply reveal unloving and disrespectful attitudes, which are the real reason why a marriage can start to wobble on the Crazy Cycle.

If you want your husband to express appreciation for your attempts to be respectful, you must speak thankfully when he tries to be loving.

In your marriage be the first to “seek peace and pursue it” (1 Peter 3:11)

When you look to God and His Word as your ultimate source of significance and security, you don’t demand that your spouse take that role in your life. And as you draw strength from the Lord individually, He draws you closer together as a couple.

When you look to God and His Word as your ultimate source of significance and security, you don’t demand that your spouse take that role in your life. And as you draw strength from the Lord individually, He draws you closer together as a couple.

In the ultimate sense, your marriage has nothing to do with your spouse. It has everything to do with your relationship to Jesus Christ.

You can be right but wrong at the top of your voice.

Your words reveal your heart.

Will we decide how we see God based on our circumstances, or will we see our circumstances in light of how we view God?

You have two ears and one mouth; use them proportionately.

Stay the course regardless of the child’s respect and obedience. This is the Family Rewarded Cycle: a parents love unto Christ regardless of the child.

As you pray together, you will truly learn to love and respect together.

If a husband is commanded to agape- love his wife, then she truly needs love.

Our research shows that couples who pray together are more apt to reap all kinds of benefits, including better and more frequent communication, going on “dates” more frequently and having sex more frequently.

You both forgive for one simple but profound reason: because you know Christ has forgiven you!

[Women], your self-love cannot be derived from your husband’s love. It can affect it, but it does not determine it.

If you want your wife to express appreciation for your attempts to be loving, you must use thankful words when she tries to speak or act respectfully.

Focus on the positive in the midst of the negative, and the Energizing Cycle will keep right on humming.

Mistakes can’t be undone, but they can be forgiven.

Often the apparent issue isn’t the real issue; the real issue is always a matter of love or respect.

Recognize your different gifts--how each of you (Pink and Blue) functions according to God’s perfect design.

We are equal but we are not the same.

Most marriages will succeed when obeying the command to Love and Respect.

A most significant point of this book is this: If what we think is true, kind, necessary, and clear, we need to have the courage to hit send. This isn’t about refraining from speaking; this is about speaking.

As a husband, if you can grasp that you don’t always have to solve your wife’s problems, you will take a giant step toward showing her empathy and understanding.

It is crucial for a husband and wife to see that neither one is wrong, but both of them are very different--in body function, outlook and perspective.

Assuming goodwill can be revolutionary in relationships.

Your hunger for God can create an appetite in your children.

Each of you must focus on what God is calling you to do toward your spouse. Do not focus on what you think God is calling your spouse to do toward you.

Respect for the husband is just as important as love for the wife.

Every marriage includes trouble some of the time. Do not let the 20% leaven all the rest.

So I encourage every husband and wife to commit to the Jesus Way of Talking. Instead of allowing the stress of the situation to control you, you can say to yourself, “Because I love the Lord and I know that He rewards every good word, I am going to be truthful even if my spouse is not. I will also be uplifting, forgiving, thankful and scriptural in my speech because my ultimate goal is to please the Lord. Whatever my spouse’s weaknesses or bad habits might be, I will not let them cause me to sin with my lips.”

Words of wisdom for all husbands and wives are these: We easily see what is done to us before we see what we are doing to our mate.

Thank God for joining you together and for allowing you to trust Him to help you, whatever the issue. God is there for you and expects you to look to Him to keep you together as a team, so ask Him for His help in the smallest of concerns. “So they are no longer two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate.” (Matthew 19:6)

God designed the woman to love. He’s not going to command her to agape her husband when He created her to do that in the first place. God is not into redundancy.

Your spouse can affect you, but your spouse does not control you.

I had often asked God to compensate for my mistakes, but in return had I thought He would give me perfect children?

Women give a report to build rapport. Men bond through shoulder-to-shoulder activities without talking.

When the wife flatly says her husband will have to earn her respect before she gives him any, she leaves the husband in a lose-lose situation. Now he is responsible for both love and respect in the relationship. He must unconditionally love his wife and earn her respect.

We have different vulnerabilities. We can pass judgment on one another all day long or we can say God made us different and that’s ok.

When a husband feels disrespected, he has a natural tendency to react in ways that feel unloving to his wife. (Perhaps the command to love was given to him precisely for this reason!) When a wife feels unloved, she has a natural tendency to react in ways that feel disrespectful to her husband. (Perhaps the command to respect was given to her precisely for this reason!)

When a wife asks, “Do you love me?” She is not trying to put her husband on the spot. She is simply looking for reassurance.

A wife has one driving need--to feel loved. When that need is met she is happy. A husband has one driving need--to feel respected. When that need is met he is happy. When either of these needs isn’t met, things get crazy. Love and Respect reveals why spouses react negatively to each other, and how they can deal with such conflict quickly, easily and biblically.

Truth will carry its own weight if delivered respectfully and lovingly.

His love blesses regardless of her respect; her respect blesses regardless of his love.

It’s hard to realize that we would never act around our business associates the way we act around our spouse.

Do you seek to understand or only to be understood?

When others do not respond to our communication, we need to look first at our communication style. Is the other person incapable of hearing what we have to say? Or are we abrupt, brusque, and curt?

It’s true that women have intuition and that men should listen to them. It’s also true that women have blind spots and need the insight of their husbands.

A woman needs love like she needs air to breathe. A man needs respect like he needs air to breathe.

Words of Love or Respect must uplift your spouse, edifying- never manipulating him or her.

You speak lovingly or respectfully no matter how your spouse may speak to you in return. Your spouse is not the reason--good or bad--why you speak unconditional words of love or respect. God is the reason, and as you depend on Him, you will become increasingly able to speak lovingly and respectfully to your spouse.

Don’t pressure yourself with perfection. We are going to fail. A righteous man falls 7 times but gets back up.

We are either going to give in the darkness or we are going to give into the darkness.

Being a person who communicates what is true frequently demands tact, and at times it can feel like sidestepping land mines. It takes work to be both truthful and tactful.

Troubles over sex and money do not cause a marriage to go under. The lack of love and respect during conflict cause the marriage to go under.

Research and experience prove that men and women see and hear differently. Recognizing these differences and adjusting to them is absolutely necessary for reaching mutual understanding and better communication.

We all need love and respect equally. But, during conflict our felt needs are as different as pink is from blue.

With a better understanding of God’s promises, you will be on your way to a renewed mind and a changed life.

Whose voice are you listening to: Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?

Pink and Blue perceptions not only affect seeing, they affect hearing as well. Women hear with pink hearing aids and men hear with blue hearing aids. Even more important to understand as you and your spouse seek to gain better communication, you can hear the very same words, but each of you will hear different messages.

Your spouse deserves the truth from you. Do your best to tell it with love and respect.

Optimism or pessimism? It is always a choice, no matter what your natural temperament.

Trust God when the “why’s” of life threaten to overwhelm you.

If a husband chooses to be a peacemaker--taking the needs and concerns of his wife totally into account during any kind of argument or conflict--his wife will be motivated in turn to respond to his authority during stalemates.

Do not live by the standards of Hollywood; trust what God says in His Holy Word.

Above all trust God when the “whys” of life threaten to overwhelm you.

When a husband chooses to do or say something loving, and that includes saying, ‘I’m sorry for coming across in an unloving way,’ he energizes his wife. When a wife decides to express herself respectfully, and that includes apologizing for her disrespectful attitude, she energizes her husband.

We all need to wrestle with the spiritual truth that God is good. If you don’t believe God is good, you won’t trust His word. If you don’t trust His word, you will find excuses to ignore His commands.

Holding back your love or respect will just keep the Crazy Cycle spinning away, but being mature and making the first move could slow it down.

She’ll feel at peace with you when you let her vent your frustrations and hurts and don’t get angry and close her off.

When you come home after you have been apart, the first few moments of reconnecting will set the tone for the rest of the evening.

The difference between successful couples and unsuccessful couples is that successful ones keep getting up and dealing with the issues.

Marriage is a tool and a test to allow God’s will to be revealed in our lives.

“Respect is a man’s deepest value. I have had numerous men tell me, ‘I would rather live with a wife who respected me but did not love me than live with a wife who loved me but did not respect me.’ These men are not saying that they are indifferent to love. They know they need love, but they need to feel respected even more than they need to feel loved.“

The mature one in the marriage seldom moves second.

His love motivates her respect. Her respect motivates his love.

When evil comes at you, you’re the one who makes the choice of whether or not it is going to go into you.

Wives, to energize your husband do an activity with him, shoulder-to-shoulder, without talking.

Suppressing negative feelings is not loving, respectful or very wise. Speak up tactfully.

Whether visiting a prison, feeding the hungry, giving the thirsty a drink or speaking a word of love or respect, everything is to be done to and for Christ.

He will feel appreciated when you recognize his problem-solving approach as his male brand of empathy.

Just because you’re offended doesn’t mean the other person is offensive.

Words of Love and Respect must include thankfulness spoken to or about your spouse; don’t fixate on weaknesses and faults.