Motivating Your Man God's Way: Discover One Word that Energizes Him to Love

We have different vulnerabilities. We can pass judgment on one another all day long or we can say God made us different and that’s ok.

Your position in Christ is what counts, not your less-than-perfect performance.

Be a part of the solution, not part of the problem.

Although the Crazy Cycle is not what God intends for any marriage, all couples get on it at times from one degree to another.

A major step toward a happy marriage is accepting differences and working them out with love and respect.

Self-interest should never come ahead of your spouse’s interests.

Share what God is saying to your heart, not what you think He needs to say to your mate.

Your words reveal your heart.

Holding back your love or respect will just keep the Crazy Cycle spinning away, but being mature and making the first move could slow it down.

Before hitting send, ask yourself, "Have I listened carefully and understand the exact issue on the table?"

Be friendly. Be friendly. Be friendly. Watch what happens.

No matter how difficult your spouse may be at the moment, your spouse does not have control over your reaction; you do. You may be experiencing disappointment, frustration or anger, but you always have a choice. A wife can choose to be disrespectful or respectful. A husband can choose to be unloving or loving.

There is a discrepancy between who we want to be and see ourselves to be and how we actually sound in voice and writing. But with self-reflection and honesty, we can turn the corner and improve our communication. We need only evaluate what we are about to communicate.

As mature men, we need to take leadership and put this out on the table. We must acknowledge our feelings- we need to feel respected. However, as we do this we must acknowledge our wife’s feelings- she needs to feel loved!

God’s commands are there to help us, not to hinder us or hold us back as male and female.

Always see your mate as an ally. Feedback is of little use if you see your spouse as an enemy. Giving and receiving constructive feedback is based on feelings of goodwill in both partners. Both of you need to remember that, even if you don’t always agree and even if you become irritated or angry, you are friends, and neither of you means to hurt the other.

It is so easy to draw wrong conclusions about a spouse’s character and motives due to an occasional flare-up or silly comment.

In the ultimate sense you marriage has nothing to do with your spouse. It has everything to do with your relationship with Jesus Christ.

Knowing my spouse will not be able to love or respect me perfectly, I commit to having a forgiving spirit so that I may never speak hatefully or contemptuously.

Can you begin to trust that God feels love for you even when you don’t feel that love?

When you look to God and His Word as your ultimate source of significance and security, you don’t demand that your spouse take that role in your life. And as you draw strength from the Lord individually, He draws you closer together as a couple.

As a husband, if you can grasp that you don’t always have to solve your wife’s problems, you will take a giant step toward showing her empathy and understanding.

If we subscribe to the belief that because we are equal we are the same, then we’re going to expect our spouse to respond the way we do.

You speak lovingly or respectfully no matter how your spouse may speak to you in return. Your spouse is not the reason--good or bad--why you speak unconditional words of love or respect. God is the reason, and as you depend on Him, you will become increasingly able to speak lovingly and respectfully to your spouse.

When your wife comes to talk to you, listen to her. Realize she is coming to you because you matter more to her than anyone else. She has certain emotional needs and only you can meet them. Sometimes she may say things that don’t make sense to you and she is apt to misspeak and exaggerate when she is upset, but don’t put her down. Instead, listen to her heart. Give her a chance to express her concerns and, as she does so, don’t try to fix her. Don’t give her your solutions unless she asks for them.

Respect for the husband is just as important as love for the wife.

Focus on the positive in the midst of the negative, and the Energizing Cycle will keep right on humming.

You may believe that the careless, unloving or disrespectful words you speak are because your spouse is causing you to speak this way, but Jesus says that it is coming out of your heart.

A woman needs love like she needs air to breathe. A man needs respect like he needs air to breathe.

Just because you’re offended doesn’t mean the other person is offensive.

When you relinquish an offense, you need to send that offense somewhere. So follow Jesus’ example and release it to your heavenly Father.

Be quick to listen and understand and you have a much better chance of being understood.

Always remember that Pink and Blue have different wiring, different preferences. Assume your spouse has goodwill toward you, no matter what. Both of you can be right, while being different.

God is not trying to trick you or mess with you. Trust that He wants to reveal Himself to you just as much as He wants to reveal Himself to the world.

Husbands, even Jesus Himself was asked by a woman, “Do you not care?” (Luke 10:40) When your wife accuses you of not caring, decode her deeper meaning.

Your spouse can affect you, but your spouse does not control you.

Truth will carry its own weight if delivered respectfully and lovingly.

The Crazy Cycle is, indeed, “the evil of folly and the foolishness of madness” (Ecclesiastes 7:25).

Often the apparent issue isn’t the real issue; the real issue is always a matter of love or respect.

When there is confusion, I try to refrain from attacking another for not listening carefully (which may not be the case). Instead, I take a run at communicating again, but more clearly.

Both Judas and Peter denied Jesus Christ, but there is a huge difference between a Judas and a Peter.

Since it is easy to focus on the negative, focus on your mate’s good qualities and express thanks with positive words of Love or Respect.

Mutual understanding, not communication, is the key to a healthy marriage relationship.

Your hunger for God can create an appetite in your children.

“Living happily ever after” means knowing how to deal with the imperfect parts of life.

You must “ask God from the wealth of his glory to give you power through his Spirit to be strong in your inner selves.”

Our research shows that couples who pray together are more apt to reap all kinds of benefits, including better and more frequent communication, going on “dates” more frequently and having sex more frequently.

“With eyes of faith, envision Jesus standing just beyond the shoulder of your spouse and listening to every word you speak in every conversation, pleasant or tense. When you speak lovingly or respectfully to your spouse, you are speaking to Christ. Your spouse just happens to be there too.” This truth has sanctified the lips of many. Instead of giving their spouse a verbal whipping or choking on the idea of saying anything positive, now some spouses are motivated to speak words of unconditional love or respect.

When you love or respect unconditionally regardless of the outcome, you are following God and His will for you.

Husbands primarily want to hear ‘respect” talk during conflict. Wives primarily want to hear “love” talk during conflict.

Don’t label each other as bad because you differ on how you solve your troubles.

When you look to God and His Word as your ultimate source of significance and security, you don’t demand that your spouse take that role in your life. And as you draw strength from the Lord individually, He draws you closer together as a couple.

I had often asked God to compensate for my mistakes, but in return had I thought He would give me perfect children?

Feeling unloved, a wife gets defensive and acts offensively without respect. Feeling disrespected, a husband gets defensive and acts offensively without love.

We can communicate the truth in the best of manners, but the person may be so insecure he or she can only react and attack like a wounded bear.

Trust God when the “why’s” of life threaten to overwhelm you.

Unconditional respect, like unconditional love, is all about how one sounds (tone of voice and word choice) and appears (facial expressions and physical actions).

When a wife insists that her husband earn her respect, she puts him in a lose-lose situation.

Do not live by the standards of Hollywood; trust what God says in His Holy Word.

The Lord made women (Pink) and men (Blue) with differences, and He expects us to recognize and deal with those differences in a loving and respectful way.

Your marriage is a test of your devotion to Christ.

Never give up. If you want to have a strong marriage, you need to accept temporary setbacks as part of the game.

When a wife feels unloved, it can be such a shock to her heart that she is oblivious to her disrespectful reactions toward her husband, though any man watching could see it plainly.

It is hard to be negative while being thankful.

Positive changes flood a relationship immediately when both husband and wife cancel the blame game!

Whose voice are you listening to: Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?

[Husbands] do you realize the power of just holding your wife’s hand?

Let the Lord change you, but don’t try to change each other.

To not forgive is to shoot yourself in the foot and put extra gas in the Crazy Cycle.

You can be right in the argument, but wrong in your approach.

Negative actions rarely produce positive results.

[Women], your self-love cannot be derived from your husband’s love. It can affect it, but it does not determine it.

Don’t pressure yourself with perfection. We are going to fail. A righteous man falls 7 times but gets back up.

Our trustworthiness rests on our truthfulness.

To get offended is easy, but to forgive is within your power as you walk in His steps.

Your marriage is a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and reverence for Jesus Christ. God is using your spouse to bring you an eternal reward.

The woman absolutely needs love, and the man absolutely needs respect. It’s as simple- and as difficult- as that.

Getting married reveals, usually sooner than later, an incontestable fact: your spouse cannot possibly meet all your needs and desires

Will we decide how we see God based on our circumstances, or will we see our circumstances in light of how we view God?

Research and experience prove that men and women see and hear differently. Recognizing these differences and adjusting to them is absolutely necessary for reaching mutual understanding and better communication.

He will feel appreciated when you disagree with him only in private and honor his authority in front of the kids.

The moment we cry to Him for help, He is already pleased. He gives us strength to love our children.

No one can really practice Love and Respect unless he or she does it as unto Jesus Christ.

Ladies, be careful. “A nagging wife goes on and on like the drip, drip, drip of the rain” (Proverbs 19:13).

How we react to a situation reveals more about us than about the other person.

Marital researchers agree that a huge percentage of communication problems between husband and wife are due not to what is said but to how it is said – the attitude and tone of voice.

Being a person who communicates what is true frequently demands tact, and at times it can feel like sidestepping land mines. It takes work to be both truthful and tactful.

[Husbands] as the church places her burdens on Christ, so a woman needs to place her burdens on her husband. When she shares with you, don’t assume she is asking you to solve the problem. Ask your wife, “Do you want a solution or a listening ear?”

A most significant point of this book is this: If what we think is true, kind, necessary, and clear, we need to have the courage to hit send. This isn’t about refraining from speaking; this is about speaking.

Money squabbles don’t undermine love and respect; they simply reveal unloving and disrespectful attitudes, which are the real reason why a marriage can start to wobble on the Crazy Cycle.

Your husband knows you value his friendship when you tell him you like him and you show it (he knows you love him, but he often wonders if you really like him).

The heart of my communication means the other person cannot get my heart to be unkind, unloving, or disrespectful. Instead, I have made a decision about who I will be independent of the other person. I won’t blame my unkindness on someone else.

The Love and Respect message is not about a husband earning his wife’s respect by being more loving any more than it is about a wife earning her husband’s love by being more respectful. Always love or respect is given unconditionally according to God’s commands.

If a husband is commanded to agape- love his wife, then she truly needs love.

Always try to look at your spouse the way Jesus does.

Marriage is a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and your reverence for Jesus Christ.

When a husband feels disrespected, he has a natural tendency to react in ways that feel unloving to his wife. (Perhaps the command to love was given to him precisely for this reason!) When a wife feels unloved, she has a natural tendency to react in ways that feel disrespectful to her husband. (Perhaps the command to respect was given to her precisely for this reason!)

A husband may deserve contempt, but that doesn’t win him any more than harshness and anger wins the heart of a woman.

Do you seek to understand or only to be understood?

Good intentions do not always produce good words or outcomes.