Motivating Your Man God's Way: Discover One Word that Energizes Him to Love

She’s not wrong for not being male. He is not wrong for not being female. When you put pink and blue together, you get purple, the color of royalty; the color of God. Together, a husband and wife reflect God’s image.

When your wife comes to talk to you, listen to her. Realize she is coming to you because you matter more to her than anyone else. She has certain emotional needs and only you can meet them. Sometimes she may say things that don’t make sense to you and she is apt to misspeak and exaggerate when she is upset, but don’t put her down. Instead, listen to her heart. Give her a chance to express her concerns and, as she does so, don’t try to fix her. Don’t give her your solutions unless she asks for them.

God’s commands are not burdensome, but are given to us to spare us from more pain. Why would God command you to do something that doesn’t work?

Good intentions do not always produce good words or outcomes.

Thank the Lord for all the trouble-free moments in which you and your spouse enjoy Him, each other, your family, your ministry and life as a whole. Ask Him for the strength to accept your measure of trouble, and the wisdom to deal with the annoyances and irritations by loving and respecting each other with new commitment. (You may also want to pray about troubles at work, at church, with the children…) “But those who marry will have trouble in this life” (1 Corinthians 7:28)

You can be right but wrong at the top of your voice.

If we subscribe to the belief that because we are equal we are the same, then we’re going to expect our spouse to respond the way we do.

In the ultimate sense, your marriage has nothing to do with your spouse. It has everything to do with your relationship to Jesus Christ.

There is a plan to parent God’s way, even when our children may seek to go their own way at time. The secret is to follow this plan regardless. When you do, I believe you succeed in His eyes.

No matter how difficult your spouse may be at the moment, your spouse does not have control over your reaction; you do. You may be experiencing disappointment, frustration, or anger, but you always have a choice.

Life is too short to fuss and fret over trivial irritations.

Thank God for His forgiveness of your mistakes. In trying to be a loving man or a respectful woman, we blow it. Owning up to mistakes is never easy, but it is always the way to move forward. Take good care not to accuse your spouse of mistakes as you pray. Also, pray about any forgiving to be done in the family, any forgiveness that needs to be asked. Children may need forgiveness (and what about Mom and Dad?). “There is no one on earth who does what is right all the time and never makes a mistake.” (Ecclesiastes 7:20)

Don’t conclude that your spouse is wrong when he/she is seeking to do the right and righteous thing.

How we react to a situation reveals more about us than about the other person.

Avoid like the plague trying to punish each other as a means of “motivation.” Christ-followers instinctively know that this destroys any opportunity to act out of reverence for Christ. In all marital issues, love and reverence for Christ must be our primary motivation.

Always remember that Pink and Blue have different wiring, different preferences. Assume your spouse has goodwill toward you, no matter what. Both of you can be right, while being different.

When a wife feels unloved, it can be such a shock to her heart that she is oblivious to her disrespectful reactions toward her husband, though any man watching could see it plainly.

Just because you may feel unloved or disrespected does not mean your spouse is sending that message.

Your spouse deserves the truth from you. Do your best to tell it with love and respect.

Above all trust God when the “whys” of life threaten to overwhelm you.

Do you bow to the influence of Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?

The woman absolutely needs love, and the man absolutely needs respect. It’s as simple- and as difficult- as that.

Words of Love or Respect must uplift your spouse, edifying- never manipulating him or her.

When you play the blame game your marriage never wins.

I have concluded that those of us in the church who believe we have the Truth are not using the whole truth. A crucial part of God’s Word has been completely ignored, or perhaps simply gone unnoticed, when it has been there right under our noses the whole time! Many Christian spouses know Ephesians 5:33 and can at least paraphrase it. The Apostle Paul tells husbands to love their wives as much as they love themselves, and wives are to respect their husbands. But is anyone really listening? Perhaps the first step to better communication between husband and wife is to hear what God’s Word clearly says. --Emerson

As you pray together, you will truly learn to love and respect together.

We can all have moments of anger, but this does not mean we have to lose control and sin.

Your marriage is a test of your devotion to Christ.

Positive changes flood a relationship immediately when both husband and wife cancel the blame game!

Though the end can be worthy (to be loved and respected), when each uses unholy means (unloving and disrespectful words and actions), it will not achieve those ends. We must treat others as we expect them to treat us. To deny this makes us arrogant or fools, or both.

We are either going to give in the darkness or we are going to give into the darkness.

Love and Respect is a faith venture, not a formula.

Do not live by the standards of Hollywood; trust what God says in His Holy Word.

Your marriage is a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and reverence for Jesus Christ. God is using your spouse to bring you an eternal reward.

We have different vulnerabilities. We can pass judgment on one another all day long or we can say God made us different and that’s ok.

Truth will carry its own weight if delivered respectfully and lovingly.

Knowing my spouse will not be able to love or respect me perfectly, I commit to having a forgiving spirit so that I may never speak hatefully or contemptuously.

If you want your husband to express appreciation for your attempts to be respectful, you must speak thankfully when he tries to be loving.

[Women], your self-love cannot be derived from your husband’s love. It can affect it, but it does not determine it.

A marriage relationship will be energized when couples learn how to motivate each other God’s way.

You can experience hurt, but it is your choice to hate.

The more we are upset at something, the wiser it is to let twenty-four hours pass before responding.

We send each other messages in “code” based on gender, even though we don’t intend to. What I say is not what you hear, and what you think you heard is not what I meant at all.

Marriage is a test of how you unconditionally love and respect your spouse as you obey, honor, and please the Lord.

When others do not respond to our communication, we need to look first at our communication style. Is the other person incapable of hearing what we have to say? Or are we abrupt, brusque, and curt?

Clarifying is what you do before you step on your mate’s air hose and deflate his or her spirit. For example, you are having a typical conversation, but you can tell there is a misunderstanding. One of you isn’t being clear or isn’t hearing correctly. Then and there you clarify the misunderstanding before your spouse’s spirit deflates. You lovingly or respectfully clarify matters so that your spouse will not feel unloved or disrespected. The reason you take pains to clarify a seemingly small matter is to prevent the situation from becoming a love and respect issue that needs decoding. Clarifying is what you do to stay off the Crazy Cycle and keep positive, energetic feelings flowing between the two of you, to keep yourselves on the Energizing Cycle.

So I encourage every husband and wife to commit to the Jesus Way of Talking. Instead of allowing the stress of the situation to control you, you can say to yourself, “Because I love the Lord and I know that He rewards every good word, I am going to be truthful even if my spouse is not. I will also be uplifting, forgiving, thankful and scriptural in my speech because my ultimate goal is to please the Lord. Whatever my spouse’s weaknesses or bad habits might be, I will not let them cause me to sin with my lips.”

Marital researchers agree that a huge percentage of communication problems between husband and wife are due not to what is said but to how it is said – the attitude and tone of voice.

Your marriage is really a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and reverence for your Lord.

It’s true that women have intuition and that men should listen to them. It’s also true that women have blind spots and need the insight of their husbands.

You may believe that the careless, unloving or disrespectful words you speak are because your spouse is causing you to speak this way, but Jesus says that it is coming out of your heart.

When sorting out how to slow down the Crazy Cycle, it helps to remember that men are commanded to love because they don’t love naturally, and on the other side, women are commanded to respect because they don’t respect naturally.

To get offended is easy, but to forgive is within your power as you walk in His steps.

Words of love from a husband are like good medicine that brings life to the marriage.

If you are seeking positive change in your marriage, you will need to make a positive change in your attitude and actions.

When you come home after you have been apart, the first few moments of reconnecting will set the tone for the rest of the evening.

Unconditional respect, like unconditional love, is all about how one sounds (tone of voice and word choice) and appears (facial expressions and physical actions).

Respect for the husband is just as important as love for the wife.

Being a person who communicates what is true frequently demands tact, and at times it can feel like sidestepping land mines. It takes work to be both truthful and tactful.

Your husband knows you appreciate his desire to protect and provide when you praise his commitment to provide for you. You empathize when he reveals his male mindset about position, status, or rank at work.

Negative actions rarely produce positive results.

The difference between successful couples and unsuccessful couples is that successful ones keep getting up and dealing with the issues.

The Lord made women (Pink) and men (Blue) with differences, and He expects us to recognize and deal with those differences in a loving and respectful way.

Husbands, to energize your wife give her face-to-face time, allowing her to talk and share her feelings.

Since it is easy to focus on the negative, focus on your mate’s good qualities and express thanks with positive words of Love or Respect.

When a husband chooses to do or say something loving, and that includes saying, ‘I’m sorry for coming across in an unloving way,’ he energizes his wife. When a wife decides to express herself respectfully, and that includes apologizing for her disrespectful attitude, she energizes her husband.

You must “ask God from the wealth of his glory to give you power through his Spirit to be strong in your inner selves.”

Stay the course regardless of the child’s respect and obedience. This is the Family Rewarded Cycle: a parents love unto Christ regardless of the child.

We have discovered that as women motivate their man God’s way, men are energized to love them better. It doesn’t matter if your marriage is good or seems like there is no hope. We have seen God move in powerful ways even when things looked hopeless.

If a husband is commanded to agape- love his wife, then she truly needs love.

The Crazy Cycle is, indeed “the evil of folly and the foolishness of madness” (Ecclesiastes 7:25)

Your spouse can have a need that you don’t have and that’s okay.

We must bring our identity in Christ to our parenting—we must not derive our identity from our children.

Responding to offensive words or actions with your own offensive words and actions is damaging and unproductive.

[Husbands] the most powerful weapons you have are your ears. Just listen to your wife, and she is much more likely to feel understood.

Your spouse has a need only you can fill.

Before hitting send, ask yourself, "Have I listened carefully and understand the exact issue on the table?"

We blame people for the bad things we do, but take credit for the good things we do.

Our trustworthiness rests on our truthfulness.

As a husband, if you can grasp that you don’t always have to solve your wife’s problems, you will take a giant step toward showing her empathy and understanding.

Self-interest should never come ahead of your spouse’s interests.

To not forgive is to shoot yourself in the foot and put extra gas in the Crazy Cycle.

Unconditional respect means we confront their wrongdoings respectfully. We do not become uncivil because they are. Who they fail to be does not determine who we will be.

Most marriages will succeed when obeying the command to Love and Respect.

You’re the only person in the world who can meet your spouse’s deepest need for love and respect. After all, you alone are married to your spouse.

God is good and wants what is best for us.

Marriage is a tool and a test to allow God’s will to be revealed in our lives.

Be friendly. Be friendly. Be friendly. Watch what happens.

Your spouse can affect you, but your spouse does not control you.

You have to become proactive, rather than just trying to stop the reactive.

When you look to God and His Word as your ultimate source of significance and security, you don’t demand that your spouse take that role in your life. And as you draw strength from the Lord individually, He draws you closer together as a couple.

Clearly, in the marriage, in the family and in the household, when you speak words of blessing, you are speaking to the Lord, and for this you will be rewarded.

Accidental sparks (unwise remarks) ignite and fuel a fire, and vroom goes the Crazy Cycle.

Do you believe that there is a God who really loves you and wants to help you?

Your spouse may meet many of your needs, but your deepest dependency should be on your Lord.

You have two ears and one mouth; use them proportionately.

When you’re truly Christ-centered, instead of child-centered, you will be a more effective parent in the long run.

We fool ourselves into thinking the other person causes us to be the way we are. They really don’t! But if we lock into that idea, we become helpless, hopeless victims.

Marriage is a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and your reverence for Jesus Christ.

You both forgive for one simple but profound reason: because you know Christ has forgiven you!