Motivating Your Man God's Way: Discover One Word that Energizes Him to Love

Do you give yourself grace and your spouse judgment?

We are worth Jesus to the Father.

Will we decide how we see God based on our circumstances, or will we see our circumstances in light of how we view God?

Holding back your love or respect will just keep the Crazy Cycle spinning away, but being mature and making the first move could slow it down.

[Women], as you enter quiet dignity, not preaching at your husband or scolding him as though you were his mother, something happens in his soul as a male.

We all need love and respect equally. But, during conflict our felt needs are as different as pink is from blue.

The key to motivating another person is meeting their deepest need, especially during conflict.

If you want your wife to express appreciation for your attempts to be loving, you must use thankful words when she tries to speak or act respectfully.

He will feel appreciated when you disagree with him only in private and honor his authority in front of the kids.

A parent needs to feel respected, especially during conflicts...A child need to feel loved, especially during disputes.

Could you be facing a crisis in faith more than a crisis in your marriage?

We can communicate the truth in the best of manners, but the person may be so insecure he or she can only react and attack like a wounded bear.

A man has a natural, inborn desire to go out and “conquer” the challenges of his world – to work and achieve.

I have concluded that those of us in the church who believe we have the Truth are not using the whole truth. A crucial part of God’s Word has been completely ignored, or perhaps simply gone unnoticed, when it has been there right under our noses the whole time! Many Christian spouses know Ephesians 5:33 and can at least paraphrase it. The Apostle Paul tells husbands to love their wives as much as they love themselves, and wives are to respect their husbands. But is anyone really listening? Perhaps the first step to better communication between husband and wife is to hear what God’s Word clearly says. --Emerson

The Crazy Cycle is, indeed “the evil of folly and the foolishness of madness” (Ecclesiastes 7:25)

We can all have moments of anger, but this does not mean we have to lose control and sin.

As a wife, if you can start to understand how important your husband’s work is to him, you will take a giant step toward communicating respect and honor, two things that he values even more than your love.

Mutual understanding, not communication, is the key to a healthy marriage relationship.

As strong and powerful as marriage bonds can become, our deepest dependency must be on the Lord, not another human being.

Thank the Lord that in the very beginning He created them male and female – Blue and Pink. Ask Him for patience and ever-growing understanding of how men and women see and hear differently. “He created them male and female, and He blessed them.” (Genesis 5:2)

When one of you makes a mistake, control any anger you may feel and trust God completely, no matter what happens.

As a husband, if you can grasp that you don’t always have to solve your wife’s problems, you will take a giant step toward showing her empathy and understanding.

Your spouse has a need only you can fill.

Getting married reveals, usually sooner than later, an incontestable fact: your spouse cannot possibly meet all your needs and desires

Respect for the husband is just as important as love for the wife.

[Husbands] do you realize the power of just holding your wife’s hand?

Self-interest should never come ahead of your spouse’s interests.

You must “ask God from the wealth of his glory to give you power through his Spirit to be strong in your inner selves.”

The Crazy Cycle is, indeed, “the evil of folly and the foolishness of madness” (Ecclesiastes 7:25).

God’s commands are there to help us, not to hinder us or hold us back as male and female.

You can be right but wrong at the top of your voice.

Your marriage is really a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and reverence for your Lord.

You can be right in the argument, but wrong in your approach.

Your husband knows you value his friendship when you tell him you like him and you show it (he knows you love him, but he often wonders if you really like him).

Research shows that 70% of the couples who were extremely unhappy in their marriage, but hung in there and worked through the tough time, identified themselves as being very happy five years later.

To get offended is easy, but to forgive is within your power as you walk in His steps.

We all need to wrestle with the spiritual truth that God is good. If you don’t believe God is good, you won’t trust His word. If you don’t trust His word, you will find excuses to ignore His commands.

When the wife flatly says her husband will have to earn her respect before she gives him any, she leaves the husband in a lose-lose situation. Now he is responsible for both love and respect in the relationship. He must unconditionally love his wife and earn her respect.

You may believe that the careless, unloving or disrespectful words you speak are because your spouse is causing you to speak this way, but Jesus says that it is coming out of your heart.

Optimism or pessimism? It is always a choice, no matter what your natural temperament.

No one can really practice Love and Respect unless he or she does it as unto Jesus Christ.

Through Jesus and Peter, God set forth His standard for living in the unconditional dimension: choose to be loving even when the other person is not; do what is right regardless of the treatment you receive. I believe this standard applies directly to marriage. A husband who speaks lovingly to his disrespectful wife will be rewarded; and a wife who speaks respectfully to her unloving, not-worthy-of-respect husband will be rewarded. Whether you are husband or wife, the reward is what can keep you going in the midst of the craziness: knowing that God commends you, knowing that you have found his favor for your words and actions.

Truth will carry its own weight if delivered respectfully and lovingly.

Most marriages will succeed when obeying the command to Love and Respect.

Always see your mate as an ally. Feedback is of little use if you see your spouse as an enemy. Giving and receiving constructive feedback is based on feelings of goodwill in both partners. Both of you need to remember that, even if you don’t always agree and even if you become irritated or angry, you are friends, and neither of you means to hurt the other.

A wife has one driving need: to feel loved. When that need is met, she is happy. A husband has one driving need: to feel respected. When that need is met, he is happy. When either of these needs isn’t met, things get crazy with conflict.

Do you believe that there is a God who really loves you and wants to help you?

Being a person who communicates what is true frequently demands tact, and at times it can feel like sidestepping land mines. It takes work to be both truthful and tactful.

You’re the only person in the world who can meet your spouse’s deepest need for love and respect. After all, you alone are married to your spouse.

Parenting is a faith venture. As we parent “unto Christ” we reap God’s reward, “knowing that whatever good anyone does, he will receive the same from the Lord” (Eph. 6:8 NKJV)

When a husband chooses to come across lovingly even though he feels disrespected, he can prevent the Crazy Cycle from spinning and possibly getting out of control.

Our research shows that couples who pray together are more apt to reap all kinds of benefits, including better and more frequent communication, going on “dates” more frequently and having sex more frequently.

Women give a report to build rapport. Men bond through shoulder-to-shoulder activities without talking.

Money squabbles don’t undermine love and respect; they simply reveal unloving and disrespectful attitudes, which are the real reason why a marriage can start to wobble on the Crazy Cycle.

We might say that every negative action in the family has an equal and opposite negative reaction.

Don’t conclude that your spouse is wrong when he/she is seeking to do the right and righteous thing.

In the ultimate sense, your marriage has nothing to do with your spouse. It has everything to do with your relationship to Jesus Christ.

God rewards your obedience to love and respect, even if your spouse does not respond!

To build a lasting legacy, use proven wisdom that you glean from the Lord.

Accentuate the positive and eliminate the negative with lots of love and respect in between.

Positive changes flood a relationship immediately when both husband and wife cancel the blame game!

When Jesus said “turn the other cheek,” He wasn’t saying to be passive wimps. He was teaching that physically people can control you but if you turn and give the other cheek, suddenly you’re in control and you’re making the choices.

Share what God is saying to your heart, not what you think He needs to say to your mate.

Focus on the positive in the midst of the negative, and the Energizing Cycle will keep right on humming.

Recognize your different gifts--how each of you (Pink and Blue) functions according to God’s perfect design.

I often stress that one of the greatest rewards any persevering spouse can have is being a good example and influence on the children in the family.

Do you bow to the influence of Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?

Though the end can be worthy (to be loved and respected), when each uses unholy means (unloving and disrespectful words and actions), it will not achieve those ends. We must treat others as we expect them to treat us. To deny this makes us arrogant or fools, or both.

Be friendly. Be friendly. Be friendly. Watch what happens.

Being friendly to her man is one of the most effective things a woman can do to strengthen her marriage.

If you want your husband to express appreciation for your attempts to be respectful, you must speak thankfully when he tries to be loving.

It’s crucial to communicate with the right tone of voice and the right expression on your face.

A husband may deserve contempt, but that doesn’t win him any more than harshness and anger wins the heart of a woman.

Marriage is a test of how you unconditionally love and respect your spouse as you obey, honor, and please the Lord.

We must bring our identity in Christ to our parenting—we must not derive our identity from our children.

There is power and freedom that comes in understanding that no one can cause you to react in a certain way. It is your choice.

When you’re truly Christ-centered, instead of child-centered, you will be a more effective parent in the long run.

When you relinquish an offense, you need to send that offense somewhere. So follow Jesus’ example and release it to your heavenly Father.

The difference between successful couples and unsuccessful couples is that successful ones keep getting up and dealing with the issues.

Your hunger for God can create an appetite in your children.

Words of Love and Respect must include thankfulness spoken to or about your spouse; don’t fixate on weaknesses and faults.

It’s hard to realize that we would never act around our business associates the way we act around our spouse.

Your spouse can have a need that you don’t have and that’s okay.

God is not trying to trick you or mess with you. Trust that He wants to reveal Himself to you just as much as He wants to reveal Himself to the world.

Words of love from a husband are like good medicine that brings life to the marriage.

We blame people for the bad things we do, but take credit for the good things we do.

There is a discrepancy between who we want to be and see ourselves to be and how we actually sound in voice and writing. But with self-reflection and honesty, we can turn the corner and improve our communication. We need only evaluate what we are about to communicate.

How we react to a situation reveals more about us than about the other person.

Trusting and obeying God’s Word because we love and reverence God never, ever makes us a hypocrite! When the alarm goes off in the morning, we get up, even when we don’t feel like it getting up. Because we do what we don’t feel like doing, does that make us hypocrites? No, it’s a sign we are responsible people. Showing respectful behavior when we don’t “feel respectful” is evidence of maturity.

When others do not respond to our communication, we need to look first at our communication style. Is the other person incapable of hearing what we have to say? Or are we abrupt, brusque, and curt?

Unconditional love or respect is never wasted. Hang onto this promise: “Let us not lose heart in doing good, for in due time we will reap if we do not grow weary” (Galatians 6:9).

Refuse to let evil turn you into a contemptuous and hateful person.

[Women], your self-love cannot be derived from your husband’s love. It can affect it, but it does not determine it.

Life is too short to fuss and fret over trivial irritations.

So I encourage every husband and wife to commit to the Jesus Way of Talking. Instead of allowing the stress of the situation to control you, you can say to yourself, “Because I love the Lord and I know that He rewards every good word, I am going to be truthful even if my spouse is not. I will also be uplifting, forgiving, thankful and scriptural in my speech because my ultimate goal is to please the Lord. Whatever my spouse’s weaknesses or bad habits might be, I will not let them cause me to sin with my lips.”

Whether visiting a prison, feeding the hungry, giving the thirsty a drink or speaking a word of love or respect, everything is to be done to and for Christ.

Thank the Lord for the goodwill each of you has toward the other. Ask Him for strength to give each other the benefit of the doubt during moments when someone’s goodwill seems to be lacking. “He who seeks good finds goodwill, but evil comes to him who searches for it.” (Proverbs 11:27)

We are equal but we are not the same.

You have two ears and one mouth; use them proportionately.

Wives, to energize your husband do an activity with him, shoulder-to-shoulder, without talking.