Love and Respect for a Lifetime

If husbands and wives are to understand the Love and Respect Connection, they must realize that they communicate in code. And the problem is, they don’t know how to decipher the messages they send to one another.

Your spouse has a need only you can fill.

Do you give yourself grace and your spouse judgment?

Pink and Blue perceptions not only affect seeing, they affect hearing as well. Women hear with pink hearing aids and men hear with blue hearing aids. Even more important to understand as you and your spouse seek to gain better communication, you can hear the very same words, but each of you will hear different messages.

As strong and powerful as marriage bonds can become, our deepest dependency must be on the Lord, not another human being.

At the very bottom of things, in every case and in every conversation, you can do your marriage a huge favor by assuming she is seeking to feel loved or he is seeking to feel respected and give your spouse some grace!

The difference between successful couples and unsuccessful couples is that successful ones keep getting up and dealing with the issues.

In the ultimate sense you marriage has nothing to do with your spouse. It has everything to do with your relationship with Jesus Christ.

You cannot use unholy means to achieve a worthy end.

Share what God is saying to your heart, not what you think He needs to say to your mate.

Your husband knows you appreciate his desire to protect and provide when you praise his commitment to provide for you. You empathize when he reveals his male mindset about position, status, or rank at work.

Unconditional respect, like unconditional love, is all about how one sounds (tone of voice and word choice) and appears (facial expressions and physical actions).

Don’t conclude that your spouse is wrong when he/she is seeking to do the right and righteous thing.

You’re the only person in the world who can meet your spouse’s deepest need for love and respect. After all, you alone are married to your spouse.

Fight like a loving man and a respectful woman. Fight fair.

Trust God when the “why’s” of life threaten to overwhelm you.

Accidental sparks (unwise remarks) ignite and fuel a fire, and vroom goes the Crazy Cycle.

We must bring our identity in Christ to our parenting—we must not derive our identity from our children.

Above all trust God when the “whys” of life threaten to overwhelm you.

There is a discrepancy between who we want to be and see ourselves to be and how we actually sound in voice and writing. But with self-reflection and honesty, we can turn the corner and improve our communication. We need only evaluate what we are about to communicate.

As you pray together, you will truly learn to love and respect together.

Unconditional love or respect is never wasted. Hang onto this promise: “Let us not lose heart in doing good, for in due time we will reap if we do not grow weary” (Galatians 6:9).

A husband may deserve contempt, but that doesn’t win him any more than harshness and anger wins the heart of a woman.

It is so easy to draw wrong conclusions about a spouse’s character and motives due to an occasional flare-up or silly comment.

The Crazy Cycle is, indeed “the evil of folly and the foolishness of madness” (Ecclesiastes 7:25)

It is crucial for a husband and wife to see that neither one is wrong, but both of them are very different--in body function, outlook and perspective.

It’s crucial to communicate with the right tone of voice and the right expression on your face.

A wife has one driving need: to feel loved. When that need is met, she is happy. A husband has one driving need: to feel respected. When that need is met, he is happy. When either of these needs isn’t met, things get crazy with conflict.

You must distinguish between “I can’t” and “I won’t.”

He will feel appreciated when you disagree with him only in private and honor his authority in front of the kids.

Men are solution oriented, they love to solve problems. They want to be helpful.

You have to become proactive, rather than just trying to stop the reactive.

Always try to look at your spouse the way Jesus does.

God’s commands are there to help us, not to hinder us or hold us back as male and female.

When a wife asks, “Do you love me?” She is not trying to put her husband on the spot. She is simply looking for reassurance.

This is the Rewarded Cycle: His love blesses regardless of her respect and her respect blesses regardless of his love.

Your husband knows you value his friendship when you tell him you like him and you show it (he knows you love him, but he often wonders if you really like him).

Parenting is a faith venture. As we parent “unto Christ” we reap God’s reward, “knowing that whatever good anyone does, he will receive the same from the Lord” (Eph. 6:8 NKJV)

“Living happily ever after” means knowing how to deal with the imperfect parts of life.

Your marriage is a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and reverence for Jesus Christ. God is using your spouse to bring you an eternal reward.

To build a lasting legacy, use proven wisdom that you glean from the Lord.

When a husband chooses to come across lovingly even though he feels disrespected, he can prevent the Crazy Cycle from spinning and possibly getting out of control.

Mutual submission is the only way to live fairly together with mutual authority.

Troubles over sex and money do not cause a marriage to go under. The lack of love and respect during conflict cause the marriage to go under.

We have discovered that as women motivate their man God’s way, men are energized to love them better. It doesn’t matter if your marriage is good or seems like there is no hope. We have seen God move in powerful ways even when things looked hopeless.

If we subscribe to the belief that because we are equal we are the same, then we’re going to expect our spouse to respond the way we do.

How we react to a situation reveals more about us than about the other person.

Assuming goodwill can be revolutionary in relationships.

Recognize your different gifts--how each of you (Pink and Blue) functions according to God’s perfect design.

Before hitting send, ask yourself, "Have I listened carefully and understand the exact issue on the table?"

Thank the Lord for the goodwill each of you has toward the other. Ask Him for strength to give each other the benefit of the doubt during moments when someone’s goodwill seems to be lacking. “He who seeks good finds goodwill, but evil comes to him who searches for it.” (Proverbs 11:27)

You must “ask God from the wealth of his glory to give you power through his Spirit to be strong in your inner selves.”

Your spouse deserves the truth from you. Do your best to tell it with love and respect.

Respect for the husband is just as important as love for the wife.

Words of Love or Respect must uplift your spouse, edifying- never manipulating him or her.

We might say that every negative action in the family has an equal and opposite negative reaction.

The Love and Respect message is not about a husband earning his wife’s respect by being more loving any more than it is about a wife earning her husband’s love by being more respectful. Always love or respect is given unconditionally according to God’s commands.

[Women], your self-love cannot be derived from your husband’s love. It can affect it, but it does not determine it.

As a wife, if you can start to understand how important your husband’s work is to him, you will take a giant step toward communicating respect and honor, two things that he values even more than your love.

Your spouse can affect you, but your spouse does not control you.

When you’re truly Christ-centered, instead of child-centered, you will be a more effective parent in the long run.

Life is too short to fuss and fret over trivial irritations.

It’s hard to realize that we would never act around our business associates the way we act around our spouse.

Christian maturity involves a lot of things, but surely it includes knowing how to process your anger.

She’ll feel at peace with you when you let her vent your frustrations and hurts and don’t get angry and close her off.

To not forgive is to shoot yourself in the foot and put extra gas in the Crazy Cycle.

When you possess a forgiving spirit, words of Love and Respect will flow authentically from your lips- and realize that the Lord Himself is listening to you at moments like these. He knows you are not powerless, but actually full of power that He has granted you.

The woman absolutely needs love, and the man absolutely needs respect. It’s as simple- and as difficult- as that.

Your marriage is really a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and reverence for your Lord.

Do you understand that God feels compassion for you, no matter what you have done or what your circumstances may be?

Words of wisdom for all husbands and wives are these: We easily see what is done to us before we see what we are doing to our mate.

In your marriage be the first to “seek peace and pursue it” (1 Peter 3:11)

When you love or respect unconditionally regardless of the outcome, you are following God and His will for you.

No matter what your struggle- criticism, constant conflict, sex, money, parenting, harsh words- learning to communicate the Love and Respect way can help you make crucial changes and build the kind of relationship that God blesses.

Unconditional respect is as powerful to him as unconditional love is to her.

Your spouse has a need that you don’t have. Are you going to say there is something seriously wrong with them or will you say “Viva la Difference”?

Let the Lord change you, but don’t try to change each other.

If you are seeking positive change in your marriage, you will need to make a positive change in your attitude and actions.

We send each other messages in “code” based on gender, even though we don’t intend to. What I say is not what you hear, and what you think you heard is not what I meant at all.

You speak lovingly or respectfully no matter how your spouse may speak to you in return. Your spouse is not the reason--good or bad--why you speak unconditional words of love or respect. God is the reason, and as you depend on Him, you will become increasingly able to speak lovingly and respectfully to your spouse.

Be friendly. Be friendly. Be friendly. Watch what happens.

Assume goodwill about the person you are in conflict with.

Words of Love and Respect must include thankfulness spoken to or about your spouse; don’t fixate on weaknesses and faults.

We are either going to give in the darkness or we are going to give into the darkness.

Often the apparent issue isn’t the real issue; the real issue is always a matter of love or respect.

Your wife will feel esteemed when you speak highly of her in front of others.

When parents genuinely trust and follow the Lord and His ways, their faith spills over onto the children.

We all need love and respect equally. But, during conflict our felt needs are as different as pink is from blue.

When a husband feels disrespected, it is especially hard to love his wife. When a wife feels unloved, it is especially hard to respect her husband.

The heart of my communication means the other person cannot get my heart to be unkind, unloving, or disrespectful. Instead, I have made a decision about who I will be independent of the other person. I won’t blame my unkindness on someone else.

Every marriage includes trouble some of the time. Do not let the 20% leaven all the rest.

A man has a natural, inborn desire to go out and “conquer” the challenges of his world – to work and achieve.

Being friendly to her man is one of the most effective things a woman can do to strengthen her marriage.

God designed the woman to love. He’s not going to command her to agape her husband when He created her to do that in the first place. God is not into redundancy.

Knowing my spouse will not be able to love or respect me perfectly, I commit to having a forgiving spirit so that I may never speak hatefully or contemptuously.

When you look to God and His Word as your ultimate source of significance and security, you don’t demand that your spouse take that role in your life. And as you draw strength from the Lord individually, He draws you closer together as a couple.

When you play the blame game your marriage never wins.

Do you bow to the influence of Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?

Negative actions rarely produce positive results.

No matter how difficult your spouse may be at the moment, your spouse does not have control over your reaction; you do. You may be experiencing disappointment, frustration, or anger, but you always have a choice.