The Love & Respect Experience (Audiobook)

When you come home after you have been apart, the first few moments of reconnecting will set the tone for the rest of the evening.

Thank God for joining you together and for allowing you to trust Him to help you, whatever the issue. God is there for you and expects you to look to Him to keep you together as a team, so ask Him for His help in the smallest of concerns. “So they are no longer two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate.” (Matthew 19:6)

Here is the secret to marriage that every couple seeks and yet few find: Unconditional respect is as powerful for him as unconditional love is for her. It’s the secret that will help you achieve a brand new level of intimacy.

[Husbands] as the church places her burdens on Christ, so a woman needs to place her burdens on her husband. When she shares with you, don’t assume she is asking you to solve the problem. Ask your wife, “Do you want a solution or a listening ear?”

It’s hard to realize that we would never act around our business associates the way we act around our spouse.

As a wife, if you can start to understand how important your husband’s work is to him, you will take a giant step toward communicating respect and honor, two things that he values even more than your love.

Whose voice are you listening to: Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?

Responding to offensive words or actions with your own offensive words and actions is damaging and unproductive.

I had often asked God to compensate for my mistakes, but in return had I thought He would give me perfect children?

“Respect is a man’s deepest value. I have had numerous men tell me, ‘I would rather live with a wife who respected me but did not love me than live with a wife who loved me but did not respect me.’ These men are not saying that they are indifferent to love. They know they need love, but they need to feel respected even more than they need to feel loved.“

Self-interest should never come ahead of your spouse’s interests.

When others do not respond to our communication, we need to look first at our communication style. Is the other person incapable of hearing what we have to say? Or are we abrupt, brusque, and curt?

Marital researchers agree that a huge percentage of communication problems between husband and wife are due not to what is said but to how it is said – the attitude and tone of voice.

When you love or respect unconditionally regardless of the outcome, you are following God and His will for you.

We are worth Jesus to the Father.

At the very bottom of things, in every case and in every conversation, you can do your marriage a huge favor by assuming she is seeking to feel loved or he is seeking to feel respected and give your spouse some grace!

Unconditional respect is as powerful to him as unconditional love is to her.

This is the Rewarded Cycle: His love blesses regardless of her respect and her respect blesses regardless of his love.

Trusting and obeying God’s Word because we love and reverence God never, ever makes us a hypocrite! When the alarm goes off in the morning, we get up, even when we don’t feel like it getting up. Because we do what we don’t feel like doing, does that make us hypocrites? No, it’s a sign we are responsible people. Showing respectful behavior when we don’t “feel respectful” is evidence of maturity.

Don’t label each other as bad because you differ on how you solve your troubles.

The moment we cry to Him for help, He is already pleased. He gives us strength to love our children.

A major step toward a happy marriage is accepting differences and working them out with love and respect.

Husbands primarily want to hear ‘respect” talk during conflict. Wives primarily want to hear “love” talk during conflict.

Unconditional respect, like unconditional love, is all about how one sounds (tone of voice and word choice) and appears (facial expressions and physical actions).

The heart of my communication means the other person cannot get my heart to be unkind, unloving, or disrespectful. Instead, I have made a decision about who I will be independent of the other person. I won’t blame my unkindness on someone else.

Be a part of the solution, not part of the problem.

Being a person who communicates what is true frequently demands tact, and at times it can feel like sidestepping land mines. It takes work to be both truthful and tactful.

His love blesses regardless of her respect; her respect blesses regardless of his love.

Do you bow to the influence of Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?

We get on the Crazy Cycle because without love a wife reacts without respect, and without respect a husband reacts without love.

Suppressing negative feelings is not loving, respectful or very wise. Speak up tactfully.

Love and Respect is a faith venture, not a formula.

When you’re truly Christ-centered, instead of child-centered, you will be a more effective parent in the long run.

A woman needs love like she needs air to breathe. A man needs respect like he needs air to breathe.

A wife has one driving need--to feel loved. When that need is met she is happy. A husband has one driving need--to feel respected. When that need is met he is happy. When either of these needs isn’t met, things get crazy. Love and Respect reveals why spouses react negatively to each other, and how they can deal with such conflict quickly, easily and biblically.

Though the end can be worthy (to be loved and respected), when each uses unholy means (unloving and disrespectful words and actions), it will not achieve those ends. We must treat others as we expect them to treat us. To deny this makes us arrogant or fools, or both.

Husbands, to energize your wife give her face-to-face time, allowing her to talk and share her feelings.

Stay the course regardless of the child’s respect and obedience. This is the Family Rewarded Cycle: a parents love unto Christ regardless of the child.

Life is too short to fuss and fret over trivial irritations.

“With eyes of faith, envision Jesus standing just beyond the shoulder of your spouse and listening to every word you speak in every conversation, pleasant or tense. When you speak lovingly or respectfully to your spouse, you are speaking to Christ. Your spouse just happens to be there too.” This truth has sanctified the lips of many. Instead of giving their spouse a verbal whipping or choking on the idea of saying anything positive, now some spouses are motivated to speak words of unconditional love or respect.

When a wife feels unloved, it can be such a shock to her heart that she is oblivious to her disrespectful reactions toward her husband, though any man watching could see it plainly.

When you look to God and His Word as your ultimate source of significance and security, you don’t demand that your spouse take that role in your life. And as you draw strength from the Lord individually, He draws you closer together as a couple.

If you want your wife to express appreciation for your attempts to be loving, you must use thankful words when she tries to speak or act respectfully.

You must “ask God from the wealth of his glory to give you power through his Spirit to be strong in your inner selves.”

The more we are upset at something, the wiser it is to let twenty-four hours pass before responding.

When a wife insists that her husband earn her respect, she puts him in a lose-lose situation.

Each of you must focus on what God is calling you to do toward your spouse. Do not focus on what you think God is calling your spouse to do toward you.

Pink and Blue perceptions not only affect seeing, they affect hearing as well. Women hear with pink hearing aids and men hear with blue hearing aids. Even more important to understand as you and your spouse seek to gain better communication, you can hear the very same words, but each of you will hear different messages.

You have to become proactive, rather than just trying to stop the reactive.

[Husbands] the most powerful weapons you have are your ears. Just listen to your wife, and she is much more likely to feel understood.

When you possess a forgiving spirit, words of Love and Respect will flow authentically from your lips- and realize that the Lord Himself is listening to you at moments like these. He knows you are not powerless, but actually full of power that He has granted you.

Feeling unloved, a wife gets defensive and acts offensively without respect. Feeling disrespected, a husband gets defensive and acts offensively without love.

To build a lasting legacy, use proven wisdom that you glean from the Lord.

Our trustworthiness rests on our truthfulness.

God rewards your obedience to love and respect, even if your spouse does not respond!

Focus on the positive in the midst of the negative, and the Energizing Cycle will keep right on humming.

You have two ears and one mouth; use them proportionately.

It is crucial for a husband and wife to see that neither one is wrong, but both of them are very different--in body function, outlook and perspective.

Your marriage is a test of your devotion to Christ.

God designed the woman to love. He’s not going to command her to agape her husband when He created her to do that in the first place. God is not into redundancy.

When we feel crippling discouragement by the sinful choices and outcomes of our kids, we must not let this permanently deter us from parenting God’s way.

If a husband chooses to be a peacemaker--taking the needs and concerns of his wife totally into account during any kind of argument or conflict--his wife will be motivated in turn to respond to his authority during stalemates.

Women give a report to build rapport. Men bond through shoulder-to-shoulder activities without talking.

Whether visiting a prison, feeding the hungry, giving the thirsty a drink or speaking a word of love or respect, everything is to be done to and for Christ.

A man has a natural, inborn desire to go out and “conquer” the challenges of his world – to work and achieve.

As strong and powerful as marriage bonds can become, our deepest dependency must be on the Lord, not another human being.

It’s crucial to communicate with the right tone of voice and the right expression on your face.

It is hard to be negative while being thankful.

We have to step back as Christ followers and ask, “Do I have false expectations that my relationship should be romantic 99% of the time?”

Clearly, in the marriage, in the family and in the household, when you speak words of blessing, you are speaking to the Lord, and for this you will be rewarded.

We can communicate the truth in the best of manners, but the person may be so insecure he or she can only react and attack like a wounded bear.

Holding back your love or respect will just keep the Crazy Cycle spinning away, but being mature and making the first move could slow it down.

When you relinquish an offense, you need to send that offense somewhere. So follow Jesus’ example and release it to your heavenly Father.

A husband may deserve contempt, but that doesn’t win him any more than harshness and anger wins the heart of a woman.

We have different vulnerabilities. We can pass judgment on one another all day long or we can say God made us different and that’s ok.

To not forgive is to shoot yourself in the foot and put extra gas in the Crazy Cycle.

Your husband knows you appreciate his desire to protect and provide when you praise his commitment to provide for you. You empathize when he reveals his male mindset about position, status, or rank at work.

The parent-child relationship is as easy, and as difficult, as love and respect.

Being friendly to her man is one of the most effective things a woman can do to strengthen her marriage.

With a better understanding of God’s promises, you will be on your way to a renewed mind and a changed life.

Accentuate the positive and eliminate the negative with lots of love and respect in between.

You can be right in the argument, but wrong in your approach.

Let the Lord change you, but don’t try to change each other.

Before hitting send, ask yourself, "Have I listened carefully and understand the exact issue on the table?"

You’re the only person in the world who can meet your spouse’s deepest need for love and respect. After all, you alone are married to your spouse.

In your marriage be the first to “seek peace and pursue it” (1 Peter 3:11)

His love motivates her respect. Her respect motivates his love.

Ladies, be careful. “A nagging wife goes on and on like the drip, drip, drip of the rain” (Proverbs 19:13).

You speak lovingly or respectfully no matter how your spouse may speak to you in return. Your spouse is not the reason--good or bad--why you speak unconditional words of love or respect. God is the reason, and as you depend on Him, you will become increasingly able to speak lovingly and respectfully to your spouse.

No matter how difficult your spouse may be at the moment, your spouse does not have control over your reaction; you do. You may be experiencing disappointment, frustration or anger, but you always have a choice. A wife can choose to be disrespectful or respectful. A husband can choose to be unloving or loving.

Marriage is a tool and a test to allow God’s will to be revealed in our lives.

Above all trust God when the “whys” of life threaten to overwhelm you.

Unconditional love or respect is never wasted. Hang onto this promise: “Let us not lose heart in doing good, for in due time we will reap if we do not grow weary” (Galatians 6:9).

Truth will carry its own weight if delivered respectfully and lovingly.

To stay the course in speaking words of Love and Respect, keep your heart in Scripture, trusting in and talking about His promises to help you.

Accidental sparks (unwise remarks) ignite and fuel a fire, and vroom goes the Crazy Cycle.

Your words reveal your heart.

God’s commands are there to help us, not to hinder us or hold us back as male and female.

Men are solution oriented, they love to solve problems. They want to be helpful.

Wives, you never know: The way you handle this [conflict] might bring your husband not only back to you, but to God. Husbands, you never know: The way you handle this [conflict] might bring your wife not only back to you, but to God. (1 Corinthians 7:16)