The Love & Respect Experience (Audiobook)

If you want your husband to express appreciation for your attempts to be respectful, you must speak thankfully when he tries to be loving.

“With eyes of faith, envision Jesus standing just beyond the shoulder of your spouse and listening to every word you speak in every conversation, pleasant or tense. When you speak lovingly or respectfully to your spouse, you are speaking to Christ. Your spouse just happens to be there too.” This truth has sanctified the lips of many. Instead of giving their spouse a verbal whipping or choking on the idea of saying anything positive, now some spouses are motivated to speak words of unconditional love or respect.

When you possess a forgiving spirit, words of Love and Respect will flow authentically from your lips- and realize that the Lord Himself is listening to you at moments like these. He knows you are not powerless, but actually full of power that He has granted you.

The Lord made women (Pink) and men (Blue) with differences, and He expects us to recognize and deal with those differences in a loving and respectful way.

Your spouse has a need that you don’t have. Are you going to say there is something seriously wrong with them or will you say “Viva la Difference”?

We are worth Jesus to the Father.

Each of you must focus on what God is calling you to do toward your spouse. Do not focus on what you think God is calling your spouse to do toward you.

When a wife feels unloved, it can be such a shock to her heart that she is oblivious to her disrespectful reactions toward her husband, though any man watching could see it plainly.

When a husband feels disrespected, he has a natural tendency to react in ways that feel unloving to his wife. (Perhaps the command to love was given to him precisely for this reason!) When a wife feels unloved, she has a natural tendency to react in ways that feel disrespectful to her husband. (Perhaps the command to respect was given to her precisely for this reason!)

Words of love from a husband are like good medicine that brings life to the marriage.

His love motivates her respect. Her respect motivates his love.

Stay the course regardless of the child’s respect and obedience. This is the Family Rewarded Cycle: a parents love unto Christ regardless of the child.

Do you give yourself grace and your spouse judgment?

This is the Rewarded Cycle: His love blesses regardless of her respect and her respect blesses regardless of his love.

Do you bow to the influence of Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?

Feeling unloved, a wife gets defensive and acts offensively without respect. Feeling disrespected, a husband gets defensive and acts offensively without love.

Your spouse can have a need that you don’t have and that’s okay.

Let the Lord change you, but don’t try to change each other.

Words of Love or Respect must uplift your spouse, edifying- never manipulating him or her.

We all need love and respect equally. But, during conflict our felt needs are as different as pink is from blue.

Don’t label each other as bad because you differ on how you solve your troubles.

Fight like a loving man and a respectful woman. Fight fair.

Do you understand that God feels compassion for you, no matter what you have done or what your circumstances may be?

Your hunger for God can create an appetite in your children.

Thank the Lord for the goodwill each of you has toward the other. Ask Him for strength to give each other the benefit of the doubt during moments when someone’s goodwill seems to be lacking. “He who seeks good finds goodwill, but evil comes to him who searches for it.” (Proverbs 11:27)

We fool ourselves into thinking the other person causes us to be the way we are. They really don’t! But if we lock into that idea, we become helpless, hopeless victims.

You may believe that the careless, unloving or disrespectful words you speak are because your spouse is causing you to speak this way, but Jesus says that it is coming out of your heart.

Accentuate the positive and eliminate the negative with lots of love and respect in between.

Through Jesus and Peter, God set forth His standard for living in the unconditional dimension: choose to be loving even when the other person is not; do what is right regardless of the treatment you receive. I believe this standard applies directly to marriage. A husband who speaks lovingly to his disrespectful wife will be rewarded; and a wife who speaks respectfully to her unloving, not-worthy-of-respect husband will be rewarded. Whether you are husband or wife, the reward is what can keep you going in the midst of the craziness: knowing that God commends you, knowing that you have found his favor for your words and actions.

Men are solution oriented, they love to solve problems. They want to be helpful.

The Love and Respect message is not about a husband earning his wife’s respect by being more loving any more than it is about a wife earning her husband’s love by being more respectful. Always love or respect is given unconditionally according to God’s commands.

Love and Respect is a faith venture, not a formula.

You have to become proactive, rather than just trying to stop the reactive.

Here is the secret to marriage that every couple seeks and yet few find: Unconditional respect is as powerful for him as unconditional love is for her. It’s the secret that will help you achieve a brand new level of intimacy.

Be quick to listen and understand and you have a much better chance of being understood.

When others do not respond to our communication, we need to look first at our communication style. Is the other person incapable of hearing what we have to say? Or are we abrupt, brusque, and curt?

The difference between successful couples and unsuccessful couples is that successful ones keep getting up and dealing with the issues.

As a wife, if you can start to understand how important your husband’s work is to him, you will take a giant step toward communicating respect and honor, two things that he values even more than your love.

[Women], as you enter quiet dignity, not preaching at your husband or scolding him as though you were his mother, something happens in his soul as a male.

Will we decide how we see God based on our circumstances, or will we see our circumstances in light of how we view God?

It’s crucial to communicate with the right tone of voice and the right expression on your face.

To build a lasting legacy, use proven wisdom that you glean from the Lord.

A husband may deserve contempt, but that doesn’t win him any more than harshness and anger wins the heart of a woman.

You’re the only person in the world who can meet your spouse’s deepest need for love and respect. After all, you alone are married to your spouse.

If a husband loves his wife as he should, she will feel honored and respected. If a wife respects her husband as she should, he will feel loved and appreciated. It’s a win-win.

We can communicate the truth in the best of manners, but the person may be so insecure he or she can only react and attack like a wounded bear.

[Women], your self-love cannot be derived from your husband’s love. It can affect it, but it does not determine it.

Your wife feels you are open with her when you discuss financial concerns, possible job changes or ideas for your future.

Your husband knows you appreciate his desire to protect and provide when you praise his commitment to provide for you. You empathize when he reveals his male mindset about position, status, or rank at work.

Thank the Lord that in the very beginning He created them male and female – Blue and Pink. Ask Him for patience and ever-growing understanding of how men and women see and hear differently. “He created them male and female, and He blessed them.” (Genesis 5:2)

When parents genuinely trust and follow the Lord and His ways, their faith spills over onto the children.

We are either going to give in the darkness or we are going to give into the darkness.

There is a plan to parent God’s way, even when our children may seek to go their own way at time. The secret is to follow this plan regardless. When you do, I believe you succeed in His eyes.

Refuse to let evil turn you into a contemptuous and hateful person.

We might say that every negative action in the family has an equal and opposite negative reaction.

Clearly, in the marriage, in the family and in the household, when you speak words of blessing, you are speaking to the Lord, and for this you will be rewarded.

Always see your mate as an ally. Feedback is of little use if you see your spouse as an enemy. Giving and receiving constructive feedback is based on feelings of goodwill in both partners. Both of you need to remember that, even if you don’t always agree and even if you become irritated or angry, you are friends, and neither of you means to hurt the other.

[Husbands] do you realize the power of just holding your wife’s hand?

Be a part of the solution, not part of the problem.

Life is too short to fuss and fret over trivial irritations.

If we subscribe to the belief that because we are equal we are the same, then we’re going to expect our spouse to respond the way we do.

When you come home after you have been apart, the first few moments of reconnecting will set the tone for the rest of the evening.

Mutual understanding, not communication, is the key to a healthy marriage relationship.

Husbands, to energize your wife give her face-to-face time, allowing her to talk and share her feelings.

Marital researchers agree that a huge percentage of communication problems between husband and wife are due not to what is said but to how it is said – the attitude and tone of voice.

You can experience hurt, but it is your choice to hate.

Both Judas and Peter denied Jesus Christ, but there is a huge difference between a Judas and a Peter.

Often the apparent issue isn’t the real issue; the real issue is always a matter of love or respect.

No matter how difficult your spouse may be at the moment, your spouse does not have control over your reaction; you do. You may be experiencing disappointment, frustration, or anger, but you always have a choice.

There is power and freedom that comes in understanding that no one can cause you to react in a certain way. It is your choice.

How we react to a situation reveals more about us than about the other person.

We have to step back as Christ followers and ask, “Do I have false expectations that my relationship should be romantic 99% of the time?”

Do you believe that there is a God who really loves you and wants to help you?

Your spouse may meet many of your needs, but your deepest dependency should be on your Lord.

God is good and wants what is best for us.

You have two ears and one mouth; use them proportionately.

Unconditional respect is as powerful to him as unconditional love is to her.

No matter what your struggle- criticism, constant conflict, sex, money, parenting, harsh words- learning to communicate the Love and Respect way can help you make crucial changes and build the kind of relationship that God blesses.

Your wife will feel esteemed when you speak highly of her in front of others.

When you’re truly Christ-centered, instead of child-centered, you will be a more effective parent in the long run.

God’s commands are not burdensome, but are given to us to spare us from more pain. Why would God command you to do something that doesn’t work?

Do you seek to understand or only to be understood?

When one of you makes a mistake, control any anger you may feel and trust God completely, no matter what happens.

No one can really practice Love and Respect unless he or she does it as unto Jesus Christ.

It’s true that women have intuition and that men should listen to them. It’s also true that women have blind spots and need the insight of their husbands.

Respect for the husband is just as important as love for the wife.

Just because you’re offended doesn’t mean the other person is offensive.

Always try to look at your spouse the way Jesus does.

“You can be right, but wrong at the top of your voice.”

One thing to remember in this culture is if we say something complimentary towards one gender, we aren’t saying something against the other.

When evil comes at you, you’re the one who makes the choice of whether or not it is going to go into you.

No matter how difficult your spouse may be at the moment, your spouse does not have control over your reaction; you do. You may be experiencing disappointment, frustration or anger, but you always have a choice. A wife can choose to be disrespectful or respectful. A husband can choose to be unloving or loving.

Focus on the positive in the midst of the negative, and the Energizing Cycle will keep right on humming.

At the very bottom of things, in every case and in every conversation, you can do your marriage a huge favor by assuming she is seeking to feel loved or he is seeking to feel respected and give your spouse some grace!

He will feel appreciated when you disagree with him only in private and honor his authority in front of the kids.

Just because you may feel unloved or disrespected does not mean your spouse is sending that message.

When you relinquish an offense, you need to send that offense somewhere. So follow Jesus’ example and release it to your heavenly Father.

We blame people for the bad things we do, but take credit for the good things we do.

Suppressing negative feelings is not loving, respectful or very wise. Speak up tactfully.

I have concluded that those of us in the church who believe we have the Truth are not using the whole truth. A crucial part of God’s Word has been completely ignored, or perhaps simply gone unnoticed, when it has been there right under our noses the whole time! Many Christian spouses know Ephesians 5:33 and can at least paraphrase it. The Apostle Paul tells husbands to love their wives as much as they love themselves, and wives are to respect their husbands. But is anyone really listening? Perhaps the first step to better communication between husband and wife is to hear what God’s Word clearly says. --Emerson