The Love & Respect Experience (Audiobook)

When you love or respect unconditionally regardless of the outcome, you are following God and His will for you.

Be quick to listen and understand and you have a much better chance of being understood.

No matter what your struggle- criticism, constant conflict, sex, money, parenting, harsh words- learning to communicate the Love and Respect way can help you make crucial changes and build the kind of relationship that God blesses.

She’s not wrong for not being male. He is not wrong for not being female. When you put pink and blue together, you get purple, the color of royalty; the color of God. Together, a husband and wife reflect God’s image.

Do you give yourself grace and your spouse judgment?

Ladies, be careful. “A nagging wife goes on and on like the drip, drip, drip of the rain” (Proverbs 19:13).

Focus on the positive in the midst of the negative, and the Energizing Cycle will keep right on humming.

Every marriage includes trouble some of the time. Do not let the 20% leaven all the rest.

Whose voice are you listening to: Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?

Words of Love or Respect must uplift your spouse, edifying- never manipulating him or her.

With a better understanding of God’s promises, you will be on your way to a renewed mind and a changed life.

It is so easy to draw wrong conclusions about a spouse’s character and motives due to an occasional flare-up or silly comment.

Your wife will feel esteemed when you speak highly of her in front of others.

I have concluded that those of us in the church who believe we have the Truth are not using the whole truth. A crucial part of God’s Word has been completely ignored, or perhaps simply gone unnoticed, when it has been there right under our noses the whole time! Many Christian spouses know Ephesians 5:33 and can at least paraphrase it. The Apostle Paul tells husbands to love their wives as much as they love themselves, and wives are to respect their husbands. But is anyone really listening? Perhaps the first step to better communication between husband and wife is to hear what God’s Word clearly says. --Emerson

If we subscribe to the belief that because we are equal we are the same, then we’re going to expect our spouse to respond the way we do.

We are either going to give in the darkness or we are going to give into the darkness.

No one can really practice Love and Respect unless he or she does it as unto Jesus Christ.

When confronting your spouse, attack the behavior, not the person.

Each of you must focus on what God is calling you to do toward your spouse. Do not focus on what you think God is calling your spouse to do toward you.

A parent needs to feel respected, especially during conflicts...A child need to feel loved, especially during disputes.

Husbands, even Jesus Himself was asked by a woman, “Do you not care?” (Luke 10:40) When your wife accuses you of not caring, decode her deeper meaning.

Assuming goodwill can be revolutionary in relationships.

When you look to God and His Word as your ultimate source of significance and security, you don’t demand that your spouse take that role in your life. And as you draw strength from the Lord individually, He draws you closer together as a couple.

Negative actions rarely produce positive results.

Thank the Lord for all the trouble-free moments in which you and your spouse enjoy Him, each other, your family, your ministry and life as a whole. Ask Him for the strength to accept your measure of trouble, and the wisdom to deal with the annoyances and irritations by loving and respecting each other with new commitment. (You may also want to pray about troubles at work, at church, with the children…) “But those who marry will have trouble in this life” (1 Corinthians 7:28)

Thank the Lord for the goodwill each of you has toward the other. Ask Him for strength to give each other the benefit of the doubt during moments when someone’s goodwill seems to be lacking. “He who seeks good finds goodwill, but evil comes to him who searches for it.” (Proverbs 11:27)

When you’re truly Christ-centered, instead of child-centered, you will be a more effective parent in the long run.

Words of Love and Respect must include thankfulness spoken to or about your spouse; don’t fixate on weaknesses and faults.

Love and Respect is a faith venture, not a formula.

We get on the Crazy Cycle because without love a wife reacts without respect, and without respect a husband reacts without love.

Marital researchers agree that a huge percentage of communication problems between husband and wife are due not to what is said but to how it is said – the attitude and tone of voice.

Pink and Blue perceptions not only affect seeing, they affect hearing as well. Women hear with pink hearing aids and men hear with blue hearing aids. Even more important to understand as you and your spouse seek to gain better communication, you can hear the very same words, but each of you will hear different messages.

Clarifying is what you do before you step on your mate’s air hose and deflate his or her spirit. For example, you are having a typical conversation, but you can tell there is a misunderstanding. One of you isn’t being clear or isn’t hearing correctly. Then and there you clarify the misunderstanding before your spouse’s spirit deflates. You lovingly or respectfully clarify matters so that your spouse will not feel unloved or disrespected. The reason you take pains to clarify a seemingly small matter is to prevent the situation from becoming a love and respect issue that needs decoding. Clarifying is what you do to stay off the Crazy Cycle and keep positive, energetic feelings flowing between the two of you, to keep yourselves on the Energizing Cycle.

Self-interest should never come ahead of your spouse’s interests.

Do you understand that God feels compassion for you, no matter what you have done or what your circumstances may be?

We send each other messages in “code” based on gender, even though we don’t intend to. What I say is not what you hear, and what you think you heard is not what I meant at all.

He will feel appreciated when you disagree with him only in private and honor his authority in front of the kids.

Words of love from a husband are like good medicine that brings life to the marriage.

When you play the blame game your marriage never wins.

His love motivates her respect. Her respect motivates his love.

The more we are upset at something, the wiser it is to let twenty-four hours pass before responding.

As a wife, if you can start to understand how important your husband’s work is to him, you will take a giant step toward communicating respect and honor, two things that he values even more than your love.

Wives, to energize your husband do an activity with him, shoulder-to-shoulder, without talking.

Unconditional respect is as powerful to him as unconditional love is to her.

Marriage is a tool and a test to allow God’s will to be revealed in our lives.

One thing to remember in this culture is if we say something complimentary towards one gender, we aren’t saying something against the other.

Women give a report to build rapport. Men bond through shoulder-to-shoulder activities without talking.

So I encourage every husband and wife to commit to the Jesus Way of Talking. Instead of allowing the stress of the situation to control you, you can say to yourself, “Because I love the Lord and I know that He rewards every good word, I am going to be truthful even if my spouse is not. I will also be uplifting, forgiving, thankful and scriptural in my speech because my ultimate goal is to please the Lord. Whatever my spouse’s weaknesses or bad habits might be, I will not let them cause me to sin with my lips.”

Always see your mate as an ally. Feedback is of little use if you see your spouse as an enemy. Giving and receiving constructive feedback is based on feelings of goodwill in both partners. Both of you need to remember that, even if you don’t always agree and even if you become irritated or angry, you are friends, and neither of you means to hurt the other.

If husbands and wives are to understand the Love and Respect Connection, they must realize that they communicate in code. And the problem is, they don’t know how to decipher the messages they send to one another.

It is crucial for a husband and wife to see that neither one is wrong, but both of them are very different--in body function, outlook and perspective.

You can be right in the argument, but wrong in your approach.

Mutual submission is the only way to live fairly together with mutual authority.

The parent-child relationship is as easy, and as difficult, as love and respect.

If you want your wife to express appreciation for your attempts to be loving, you must use thankful words when she tries to speak or act respectfully.

Will we decide how we see God based on our circumstances, or will we see our circumstances in light of how we view God?

A man has a natural, inborn desire to go out and “conquer” the challenges of his world – to work and achieve.

Thank the Lord that in the very beginning He created them male and female – Blue and Pink. Ask Him for patience and ever-growing understanding of how men and women see and hear differently. “He created them male and female, and He blessed them.” (Genesis 5:2)

Getting married reveals, usually sooner than later, an incontestable fact: your spouse cannot possibly meet all your needs and desires

We are equal but we are not the same.

When the wife flatly says her husband will have to earn her respect before she gives him any, she leaves the husband in a lose-lose situation. Now he is responsible for both love and respect in the relationship. He must unconditionally love his wife and earn her respect.

Your position in Christ is what counts, not your less-than-perfect performance.

Accidental sparks (unwise remarks) ignite and fuel a fire, and vroom goes the Crazy Cycle.

Both Judas and Peter denied Jesus Christ, but there is a huge difference between a Judas and a Peter.

Knowing my spouse will not be able to love or respect me perfectly, I commit to having a forgiving spirit so that I may never speak hatefully or contemptuously.

Marriage is a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and your reverence for Jesus Christ.

Your spouse has a need that you don’t have. Are you going to say there is something seriously wrong with them or will you say “Viva la Difference”?

Unconditional love or respect is never wasted. Hang onto this promise: “Let us not lose heart in doing good, for in due time we will reap if we do not grow weary” (Galatians 6:9).

We blame people for the bad things we do, but take credit for the good things we do.

[Women], your self-love cannot be derived from your husband’s love. It can affect it, but it does not determine it.

Do not live by the standards of Hollywood; trust what God says in His Holy Word.

You have to become proactive, rather than just trying to stop the reactive.

To stay the course in speaking words of Love and Respect, keep your heart in Scripture, trusting in and talking about His promises to help you.

[Husbands] do you realize the power of just holding your wife’s hand?

You must “ask God from the wealth of his glory to give you power through his Spirit to be strong in your inner selves.”

Your hunger for God can create an appetite in your children.

Always try to look at your spouse the way Jesus does.

Refuse to let evil turn you into a contemptuous and hateful person.

Your marriage is a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and reverence for Jesus Christ. God is using your spouse to bring you an eternal reward.

Your husband knows you value his friendship when you tell him you like him and you show it (he knows you love him, but he often wonders if you really like him).

We fool ourselves into thinking the other person causes us to be the way we are. They really don’t! But if we lock into that idea, we become helpless, hopeless victims.

God is not trying to trick you or mess with you. Trust that He wants to reveal Himself to you just as much as He wants to reveal Himself to the world.

Never give up. If you want to have a strong marriage, you need to accept temporary setbacks as part of the game.

Just because you’re offended doesn’t mean the other person is offensive.

Parenting is a faith venture. As we parent “unto Christ” we reap God’s reward, “knowing that whatever good anyone does, he will receive the same from the Lord” (Eph. 6:8 NKJV)

As strong and powerful as marriage bonds can become, our deepest dependency must be on the Lord, not another human being.

When you relinquish an offense, you need to send that offense somewhere. So follow Jesus’ example and release it to your heavenly Father.

Your words reveal your heart.

Husbands, to energize your wife give her face-to-face time, allowing her to talk and share her feelings.

Suppressing negative feelings is not loving, respectful or very wise. Speak up tactfully.

Research shows that 70% of the couples who were extremely unhappy in their marriage, but hung in there and worked through the tough time, identified themselves as being very happy five years later.

When you come home after you have been apart, the first few moments of reconnecting will set the tone for the rest of the evening.

Marriage is a test of how you unconditionally love and respect your spouse as you obey, honor, and please the Lord.

Feeling unloved, a wife gets defensive and acts offensively without respect. Feeling disrespected, a husband gets defensive and acts offensively without love.

You both forgive for one simple but profound reason: because you know Christ has forgiven you!

Christian maturity involves a lot of things, but surely it includes knowing how to process your anger.

Let the Lord change you, but don’t try to change each other.

Life is too short to fuss and fret over trivial irritations.

When we speak before we think, we widen the chances the other person(s) will be notably hurt, frustrated, confused, angry, fearful, or offended by something we’ve communicated.

When a wife insists that her husband earn her respect, she puts him in a lose-lose situation.