The Love & Respect Experience (Audiobook)

You speak lovingly or respectfully no matter how your spouse may speak to you in return. Your spouse is not the reason--good or bad--why you speak unconditional words of love or respect. God is the reason, and as you depend on Him, you will become increasingly able to speak lovingly and respectfully to your spouse.

Your husband knows you appreciate his desire to protect and provide when you praise his commitment to provide for you. You empathize when he reveals his male mindset about position, status, or rank at work.

Above all trust God when the “whys” of life threaten to overwhelm you.

The woman absolutely needs love, and the man absolutely needs respect. It’s as simple- and as difficult- as that.

We must bring our identity in Christ to our parenting—we must not derive our identity from our children.

Do you bow to the influence of Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?

We fool ourselves into thinking the other person causes us to be the way we are. They really don’t! But if we lock into that idea, we become helpless, hopeless victims.

The heart of my communication means the other person cannot get my heart to be unkind, unloving, or disrespectful. Instead, I have made a decision about who I will be independent of the other person. I won’t blame my unkindness on someone else.

The more we are upset at something, the wiser it is to let twenty-four hours pass before responding.

Don’t label each other as bad because you differ on how you solve your troubles.

Unconditional respect, like unconditional love, is all about how one sounds (tone of voice and word choice) and appears (facial expressions and physical actions).

The Lord made women (Pink) and men (Blue) with differences, and He expects us to recognize and deal with those differences in a loving and respectful way.

Unconditional respect is as powerful to him as unconditional love is to her.

When your wife comes to talk to you, listen to her. Realize she is coming to you because you matter more to her than anyone else. She has certain emotional needs and only you can meet them. Sometimes she may say things that don’t make sense to you and she is apt to misspeak and exaggerate when she is upset, but don’t put her down. Instead, listen to her heart. Give her a chance to express her concerns and, as she does so, don’t try to fix her. Don’t give her your solutions unless she asks for them.

We get on the Crazy Cycle because without love a wife reacts without respect, and without respect a husband reacts without love.

Share what God is saying to your heart, not what you think He needs to say to your mate.

When confronting your spouse, attack the behavior, not the person.

When we speak before we think, we widen the chances the other person(s) will be notably hurt, frustrated, confused, angry, fearful, or offended by something we’ve communicated.

Do you seek to understand or only to be understood?

He will feel appreciated when you disagree with him only in private and honor his authority in front of the kids.

Will we decide how we see God based on our circumstances, or will we see our circumstances in light of how we view God?

He will feel appreciated when you recognize his problem-solving approach as his male brand of empathy.

A strong woman of dignity puts on respect out of her love and reverence for Jesus Christ. She trusts that His word not only protects and empowers her, but also rewards her with incomprehensible eternal blessings.

Accentuate the positive and eliminate the negative with lots of love and respect in between.

Words of Love or Respect must uplift your spouse, edifying- never manipulating him or her.

The mature one in the marriage seldom moves second.

To build a lasting legacy, use proven wisdom that you glean from the Lord.

Most marriages will succeed when obeying the command to Love and Respect.

Your words reveal your heart.

It is so easy to draw wrong conclusions about a spouse’s character and motives due to an occasional flare-up or silly comment.

We might say that every negative action in the family has an equal and opposite negative reaction.

The Love and Respect message is not about a husband earning his wife’s respect by being more loving any more than it is about a wife earning her husband’s love by being more respectful. Always love or respect is given unconditionally according to God’s commands.

I often stress that one of the greatest rewards any persevering spouse can have is being a good example and influence on the children in the family.

There is a discrepancy between who we want to be and see ourselves to be and how we actually sound in voice and writing. But with self-reflection and honesty, we can turn the corner and improve our communication. We need only evaluate what we are about to communicate.

You may believe that the careless, unloving or disrespectful words you speak are because your spouse is causing you to speak this way, but Jesus says that it is coming out of your heart.

Thank the Lord that in the very beginning He created them male and female – Blue and Pink. Ask Him for patience and ever-growing understanding of how men and women see and hear differently. “He created them male and female, and He blessed them.” (Genesis 5:2)

“You can be right, but wrong at the top of your voice.”

A woman needs love like she needs air to breathe. A man needs respect like he needs air to breathe.

Ladies, be careful. “A nagging wife goes on and on like the drip, drip, drip of the rain” (Proverbs 19:13).

To not forgive is to shoot yourself in the foot and put extra gas in the Crazy Cycle.

You must distinguish between “I can’t” and “I won’t.”

No matter how difficult your spouse may be at the moment, your spouse does not have control over your reaction; you do. You may be experiencing disappointment, frustration, or anger, but you always have a choice.

Your husband knows you value his friendship when you tell him you like him and you show it (he knows you love him, but he often wonders if you really like him).

When one of you makes a mistake, control any anger you may feel and trust God completely, no matter what happens.

Words of Love and Respect must include thankfulness spoken to or about your spouse; don’t fixate on weaknesses and faults.

When a husband chooses to come across lovingly even though he feels disrespected, he can prevent the Crazy Cycle from spinning and possibly getting out of control.

Assuming goodwill can be revolutionary in relationships.

Words of wisdom for all husbands and wives are these: We easily see what is done to us before we see what we are doing to our mate.

Life is too short to fuss and fret over trivial irritations.

Here is the secret to marriage that every couple seeks and yet few find: Unconditional respect is as powerful for him as unconditional love is for her. It’s the secret that will help you achieve a brand new level of intimacy.

If husbands and wives are to understand the Love and Respect Connection, they must realize that they communicate in code. And the problem is, they don’t know how to decipher the messages they send to one another.

Responding to offensive words or actions with your own offensive words and actions is damaging and unproductive.

Women give a report to build rapport. Men bond through shoulder-to-shoulder activities without talking.

Marriage is a tool and a test to allow God’s will to be revealed in our lives.

At the very bottom of things, in every case and in every conversation, you can do your marriage a huge favor by assuming she is seeking to feel loved or he is seeking to feel respected and give your spouse some grace!

We all need to wrestle with the spiritual truth that God is good. If you don’t believe God is good, you won’t trust His word. If you don’t trust His word, you will find excuses to ignore His commands.

Whose voice are you listening to: Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?

When parents genuinely trust and follow the Lord and His ways, their faith spills over onto the children.

Marital researchers agree that a huge percentage of communication problems between husband and wife are due not to what is said but to how it is said – the attitude and tone of voice.

Just because you’re offended doesn’t mean the other person is offensive.

You have two ears and one mouth; use them proportionately.

[Women], your self-love cannot be derived from your husband’s love. It can affect it, but it does not determine it.

I have concluded that those of us in the church who believe we have the Truth are not using the whole truth. A crucial part of God’s Word has been completely ignored, or perhaps simply gone unnoticed, when it has been there right under our noses the whole time! Many Christian spouses know Ephesians 5:33 and can at least paraphrase it. The Apostle Paul tells husbands to love their wives as much as they love themselves, and wives are to respect their husbands. But is anyone really listening? Perhaps the first step to better communication between husband and wife is to hear what God’s Word clearly says. --Emerson

Your spouse may meet many of your needs, but your deepest dependency should be on your Lord.

We are equal but we are not the same.

Knowing my spouse will not be able to love or respect me perfectly, I commit to having a forgiving spirit so that I may never speak hatefully or contemptuously.

Always try to look at your spouse the way Jesus does.

The parent-child relationship is as easy, and as difficult, as love and respect.

Assume goodwill about the person you are in conflict with.

There is power and freedom that comes in understanding that no one can cause you to react in a certain way. It is your choice.

When a husband chooses to do or say something loving, and that includes saying, ‘I’m sorry for coming across in an unloving way,’ he energizes his wife. When a wife decides to express herself respectfully, and that includes apologizing for her disrespectful attitude, she energizes her husband.

A wife has one driving need: to feel loved. When that need is met, she is happy. A husband has one driving need: to feel respected. When that need is met, he is happy. When either of these needs isn’t met, things get crazy with conflict.

We send each other messages in “code” based on gender, even though we don’t intend to. What I say is not what you hear, and what you think you heard is not what I meant at all.

Love and Respect is a faith venture, not a formula.

Troubles over sex and money do not cause a marriage to go under. The lack of love and respect during conflict cause the marriage to go under.

We are worth Jesus to the Father.

Often both spouses have goodwill but are not deciphering each other’s code. She criticizes out of love, but he “hears” only disrespect. He distances himself to prevent feelings from escalating, which is the honorable thing to do, but she “sees” only his failure to be loving!

Unconditional respect means we confront their wrongdoings respectfully. We do not become uncivil because they are. Who they fail to be does not determine who we will be.

Your spouse can have a need that you don’t have and that’s okay.

Words of love from a husband are like good medicine that brings life to the marriage.

When we feel crippling discouragement by the sinful choices and outcomes of our kids, we must not let this permanently deter us from parenting God’s way.

You have to become proactive, rather than just trying to stop the reactive.

If a husband loves his wife as he should, she will feel honored and respected. If a wife respects her husband as she should, he will feel loved and appreciated. It’s a win-win.

When Jesus said “turn the other cheek,” He wasn’t saying to be passive wimps. He was teaching that physically people can control you but if you turn and give the other cheek, suddenly you’re in control and you’re making the choices.

Your marriage is a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and reverence for Jesus Christ. God is using your spouse to bring you an eternal reward.

When you look to God and His Word as your ultimate source of significance and security, you don’t demand that your spouse take that role in your life. And as you draw strength from the Lord individually, He draws you closer together as a couple.

[Husbands] do you realize the power of just holding your wife’s hand?

Your wife will feel esteemed when you speak highly of her in front of others.

Positive changes flood a relationship immediately when both husband and wife cancel the blame game!

Often the apparent issue isn’t the real issue; the real issue is always a matter of love or respect.

A marriage relationship will be energized when couples learn how to motivate each other God’s way.

Your spouse has a need only you can fill.

Money squabbles don’t undermine love and respect; they simply reveal unloving and disrespectful attitudes, which are the real reason why a marriage can start to wobble on the Crazy Cycle.

As you pray together, you will truly learn to love and respect together.

Clearly, in the marriage, in the family and in the household, when you speak words of blessing, you are speaking to the Lord, and for this you will be rewarded.

Truth will carry its own weight if delivered respectfully and lovingly.

Focus on the positive in the midst of the negative, and the Energizing Cycle will keep right on humming.

Our trustworthiness rests on our truthfulness.

When you come home after you have been apart, the first few moments of reconnecting will set the tone for the rest of the evening.

God is good and wants what is best for us.