The Love & Respect Experience (Audiobook)

Positive changes flood a relationship immediately when both husband and wife cancel the blame game!

Your spouse has a need only you can fill.

Most marriages will succeed when obeying the command to Love and Respect.

Do you believe that there is a God who really loves you and wants to help you?

How we react to a situation reveals more about us than about the other person.

You’re the only person in the world who can meet your spouse’s deepest need for love and respect. After all, you alone are married to your spouse.

Words of Love and Respect must include thankfulness spoken to or about your spouse; don’t fixate on weaknesses and faults.

Your spouse may meet many of your needs, but your deepest dependency should be on your Lord.

It’s crucial to communicate with the right tone of voice and the right expression on your face.

Always try to look at your spouse the way Jesus does.

In your marriage be the first to “seek peace and pursue it” (1 Peter 3:11)

When a husband feels disrespected, he has a natural tendency to react in ways that feel unloving to his wife. (Perhaps the command to love was given to him precisely for this reason!) When a wife feels unloved, she has a natural tendency to react in ways that feel disrespectful to her husband. (Perhaps the command to respect was given to her precisely for this reason!)

Ladies, be careful. “A nagging wife goes on and on like the drip, drip, drip of the rain” (Proverbs 19:13).

We all need to wrestle with the spiritual truth that God is good. If you don’t believe God is good, you won’t trust His word. If you don’t trust His word, you will find excuses to ignore His commands.

Words of love from a husband are like good medicine that brings life to the marriage.

Be a part of the solution, not part of the problem.

When a husband feels disrespected, it is especially hard to love his wife. When a wife feels unloved, it is especially hard to respect her husband.

Do you understand that God feels compassion for you, no matter what you have done or what your circumstances may be?

Self-interest should never come ahead of your spouse’s interests.

Can you begin to trust that God feels love for you even when you don’t feel that love?

You can be right in the argument, but wrong in your approach.

Words of Love or Respect must uplift your spouse, edifying- never manipulating him or her.

You must distinguish between “I can’t” and “I won’t.”

Your wife will feel esteemed when you speak highly of her in front of others.

Your words reveal your heart.

The mature one in the marriage seldom moves second.

I have concluded that those of us in the church who believe we have the Truth are not using the whole truth. A crucial part of God’s Word has been completely ignored, or perhaps simply gone unnoticed, when it has been there right under our noses the whole time! Many Christian spouses know Ephesians 5:33 and can at least paraphrase it. The Apostle Paul tells husbands to love their wives as much as they love themselves, and wives are to respect their husbands. But is anyone really listening? Perhaps the first step to better communication between husband and wife is to hear what God’s Word clearly says. --Emerson

Recognize your different gifts--how each of you (Pink and Blue) functions according to God’s perfect design.

Unconditional respect is as powerful to him as unconditional love is to her.

Do you give yourself grace and your spouse judgment?

We fool ourselves into thinking the other person causes us to be the way we are. They really don’t! But if we lock into that idea, we become helpless, hopeless victims.

Parenting is a faith venture. As we parent “unto Christ” we reap God’s reward, “knowing that whatever good anyone does, he will receive the same from the Lord” (Eph. 6:8 NKJV)

When you come home after you have been apart, the first few moments of reconnecting will set the tone for the rest of the evening.

When you’re truly Christ-centered, instead of child-centered, you will be a more effective parent in the long run.

A wife has one driving need: to feel loved. When that need is met, she is happy. A husband has one driving need: to feel respected. When that need is met, he is happy. When either of these needs isn’t met, things get crazy with conflict.

I often stress that one of the greatest rewards any persevering spouse can have is being a good example and influence on the children in the family.

Your wife feels you are open with her when you discuss financial concerns, possible job changes or ideas for your future.

Always remember that Pink and Blue have different wiring, different preferences. Assume your spouse has goodwill toward you, no matter what. Both of you can be right, while being different.

If you want your husband to express appreciation for your attempts to be respectful, you must speak thankfully when he tries to be loving.

Marital researchers agree that a huge percentage of communication problems between husband and wife are due not to what is said but to how it is said – the attitude and tone of voice.

“You can be right, but wrong at the top of your voice.”

When a wife asks, “Do you love me?” She is not trying to put her husband on the spot. She is simply looking for reassurance.

To get offended is easy, but to forgive is within your power as you walk in His steps.

The Love and Respect message is not about a husband earning his wife’s respect by being more loving any more than it is about a wife earning her husband’s love by being more respectful. Always love or respect is given unconditionally according to God’s commands.

We have to step back as Christ followers and ask, “Do I have false expectations that my relationship should be romantic 99% of the time?”

When your wife comes to talk to you, listen to her. Realize she is coming to you because you matter more to her than anyone else. She has certain emotional needs and only you can meet them. Sometimes she may say things that don’t make sense to you and she is apt to misspeak and exaggerate when she is upset, but don’t put her down. Instead, listen to her heart. Give her a chance to express her concerns and, as she does so, don’t try to fix her. Don’t give her your solutions unless she asks for them.

Will we decide how we see God based on our circumstances, or will we see our circumstances in light of how we view God?

Love and Respect is a faith venture, not a formula.

One thing to remember in this culture is if we say something complimentary towards one gender, we aren’t saying something against the other.

When evil comes at you, you’re the one who makes the choice of whether or not it is going to go into you.

I had often asked God to compensate for my mistakes, but in return had I thought He would give me perfect children?

We easily see what is done to us before we see what we are doing to our mate.

You cannot use unholy means to achieve a worthy end.

Just because you’re offended doesn’t mean the other person is offensive.

Don’t pressure yourself with perfection. We are going to fail. A righteous man falls 7 times but gets back up.

A parent needs to feel respected, especially during conflicts...A child need to feel loved, especially during disputes.

Knowing my spouse will not be able to love or respect me perfectly, I commit to having a forgiving spirit so that I may never speak hatefully or contemptuously.

You both forgive for one simple but profound reason: because you know Christ has forgiven you!

Your spouse can have a need that you don’t have and that’s okay.

Unconditional respect, like unconditional love, is all about how one sounds (tone of voice and word choice) and appears (facial expressions and physical actions).

When you possess a forgiving spirit, words of Love and Respect will flow authentically from your lips- and realize that the Lord Himself is listening to you at moments like these. He knows you are not powerless, but actually full of power that He has granted you.

Trusting and obeying God’s Word because we love and reverence God never, ever makes us a hypocrite! When the alarm goes off in the morning, we get up, even when we don’t feel like it getting up. Because we do what we don’t feel like doing, does that make us hypocrites? No, it’s a sign we are responsible people. Showing respectful behavior when we don’t “feel respectful” is evidence of maturity.

Our trustworthiness rests on our truthfulness.

Your spouse has a need that you don’t have. Are you going to say there is something seriously wrong with them or will you say “Viva la Difference”?

Stay the course regardless of the child’s respect and obedience. This is the Family Rewarded Cycle: a parents love unto Christ regardless of the child.

Life is too short to fuss and fret over trivial irritations.

There is a plan to parent God’s way, even when our children may seek to go their own way at time. The secret is to follow this plan regardless. When you do, I believe you succeed in His eyes.

No matter what your struggle- criticism, constant conflict, sex, money, parenting, harsh words- learning to communicate the Love and Respect way can help you make crucial changes and build the kind of relationship that God blesses.

Feeling unloved, a wife gets defensive and acts offensively without respect. Feeling disrespected, a husband gets defensive and acts offensively without love.

A woman needs love like she needs air to breathe. A man needs respect like he needs air to breathe.

We send each other messages in “code” based on gender, even though we don’t intend to. What I say is not what you hear, and what you think you heard is not what I meant at all.

We are worth Jesus to the Father.

Here is the secret to marriage that every couple seeks and yet few find: Unconditional respect is as powerful for him as unconditional love is for her. It’s the secret that will help you achieve a brand new level of intimacy.

Your hunger for God can create an appetite in your children.

Focus on the positive in the midst of the negative, and the Energizing Cycle will keep right on humming.

When a husband chooses to come across lovingly even though he feels disrespected, he can prevent the Crazy Cycle from spinning and possibly getting out of control.

Although the Crazy Cycle is not what God intends for any marriage, all couples get on it at times from one degree to another.

The Crazy Cycle is, indeed, “the evil of folly and the foolishness of madness” (Ecclesiastes 7:25).

The parent-child relationship is as easy, and as difficult, as love and respect.

Men are solution oriented, they love to solve problems. They want to be helpful.

Thank the Lord for all the trouble-free moments in which you and your spouse enjoy Him, each other, your family, your ministry and life as a whole. Ask Him for the strength to accept your measure of trouble, and the wisdom to deal with the annoyances and irritations by loving and respecting each other with new commitment. (You may also want to pray about troubles at work, at church, with the children…) “But those who marry will have trouble in this life” (1 Corinthians 7:28)

Thank the Lord that in the very beginning He created them male and female – Blue and Pink. Ask Him for patience and ever-growing understanding of how men and women see and hear differently. “He created them male and female, and He blessed them.” (Genesis 5:2)

The woman absolutely needs love, and the man absolutely needs respect. It’s as simple- and as difficult- as that.

Assuming goodwill can be revolutionary in relationships.

We are either going to give in the darkness or we are going to give into the darkness.

We are equal but we are not the same.

A wife has one driving need--to feel loved. When that need is met she is happy. A husband has one driving need--to feel respected. When that need is met he is happy. When either of these needs isn’t met, things get crazy. Love and Respect reveals why spouses react negatively to each other, and how they can deal with such conflict quickly, easily and biblically.

Share what God is saying to your heart, not what you think He needs to say to your mate.

A man has a natural, inborn desire to go out and “conquer” the challenges of his world – to work and achieve.

When we feel crippling discouragement by the sinful choices and outcomes of our kids, we must not let this permanently deter us from parenting God’s way.

In the ultimate sense, your marriage has nothing to do with your spouse. It has everything to do with your relationship to Jesus Christ.

Husbands primarily want to hear ‘respect” talk during conflict. Wives primarily want to hear “love” talk during conflict.

When a husband chooses to do or say something loving, and that includes saying, ‘I’m sorry for coming across in an unloving way,’ he energizes his wife. When a wife decides to express herself respectfully, and that includes apologizing for her disrespectful attitude, she energizes her husband.

God designed the woman to love. He’s not going to command her to agape her husband when He created her to do that in the first place. God is not into redundancy.

To stay the course in speaking words of Love and Respect, keep your heart in Scripture, trusting in and talking about His promises to help you.

When you look to God and His Word as your ultimate source of significance and security, you don’t demand that your spouse take that role in your life. And as you draw strength from the Lord individually, He draws you closer together as a couple.

She’ll feel at peace with you when you let her vent your frustrations and hurts and don’t get angry and close her off.

Whether visiting a prison, feeding the hungry, giving the thirsty a drink or speaking a word of love or respect, everything is to be done to and for Christ.

As you pray together, you will truly learn to love and respect together.

Trust God when the “why’s” of life threaten to overwhelm you.