Amor y Respeto (Spanish Love & Respect Book)

In the ultimate sense, your marriage has nothing to do with your spouse. It has everything to do with your relationship to Jesus Christ.

It’s crucial to communicate with the right tone of voice and the right expression on your face.

Your spouse deserves the truth from you. Do your best to tell it with love and respect.

Respect for the husband is just as important as love for the wife.

Be a part of the solution, not part of the problem.

Pink and Blue perceptions not only affect seeing, they affect hearing as well. Women hear with pink hearing aids and men hear with blue hearing aids. Even more important to understand as you and your spouse seek to gain better communication, you can hear the very same words, but each of you will hear different messages.

Just because you’re offended doesn’t mean the other person is offensive.

Refuse to let evil turn you into a contemptuous and hateful person.

I often stress that one of the greatest rewards any persevering spouse can have is being a good example and influence on the children in the family.

Often both spouses have goodwill but are not deciphering each other’s code. She criticizes out of love, but he “hears” only disrespect. He distances himself to prevent feelings from escalating, which is the honorable thing to do, but she “sees” only his failure to be loving!

We are equal but we are not the same.

Whether visiting a prison, feeding the hungry, giving the thirsty a drink or speaking a word of love or respect, everything is to be done to and for Christ.

Could you be facing a crisis in faith more than a crisis in your marriage?

It is so easy to draw wrong conclusions about a spouse’s character and motives due to an occasional flare-up or silly comment.

To not forgive is to shoot yourself in the foot and put extra gas in the Crazy Cycle.

Research shows that 70% of the couples who were extremely unhappy in their marriage, but hung in there and worked through the tough time, identified themselves as being very happy five years later.

Suppressing negative feelings is not loving, respectful or very wise. Speak up tactfully.

“With eyes of faith, envision Jesus standing just beyond the shoulder of your spouse and listening to every word you speak in every conversation, pleasant or tense. When you speak lovingly or respectfully to your spouse, you are speaking to Christ. Your spouse just happens to be there too.” This truth has sanctified the lips of many. Instead of giving their spouse a verbal whipping or choking on the idea of saying anything positive, now some spouses are motivated to speak words of unconditional love or respect.

Your husband knows you appreciate his desire to protect and provide when you praise his commitment to provide for you. You empathize when he reveals his male mindset about position, status, or rank at work.

Unconditional respect means we confront their wrongdoings respectfully. We do not become uncivil because they are. Who they fail to be does not determine who we will be.

If we subscribe to the belief that because we are equal we are the same, then we’re going to expect our spouse to respond the way we do.

Don’t label each other as bad because you differ on how you solve your troubles.

Mutual understanding, not communication, is the key to a healthy marriage relationship.

Clearly, in the marriage, in the family and in the household, when you speak words of blessing, you are speaking to the Lord, and for this you will be rewarded.

Your marriage is really a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and reverence for your Lord.

Being a person who communicates what is true frequently demands tact, and at times it can feel like sidestepping land mines. It takes work to be both truthful and tactful.

Unconditional love or respect is never wasted. Hang onto this promise: “Let us not lose heart in doing good, for in due time we will reap if we do not grow weary” (Galatians 6:9).

Each of you must focus on what God is calling you to do toward your spouse. Do not focus on what you think God is calling your spouse to do toward you.

Do you seek to understand or only to be understood?

Be quick to listen and understand and you have a much better chance of being understood.

When a wife insists that her husband earn her respect, she puts him in a lose-lose situation.

Thank the Lord that in the very beginning He created them male and female – Blue and Pink. Ask Him for patience and ever-growing understanding of how men and women see and hear differently. “He created them male and female, and He blessed them.” (Genesis 5:2)

Ladies, be careful. “A nagging wife goes on and on like the drip, drip, drip of the rain” (Proverbs 19:13).

You speak lovingly or respectfully no matter how your spouse may speak to you in return. Your spouse is not the reason--good or bad--why you speak unconditional words of love or respect. God is the reason, and as you depend on Him, you will become increasingly able to speak lovingly and respectfully to your spouse.

The more we are upset at something, the wiser it is to let twenty-four hours pass before responding.

Men are solution oriented, they love to solve problems. They want to be helpful.

Holding back your love or respect will just keep the Crazy Cycle spinning away, but being mature and making the first move could slow it down.

With a better understanding of God’s promises, you will be on your way to a renewed mind and a changed life.

Assume goodwill about the person you are in conflict with.

Your position in Christ is what counts, not your less-than-perfect performance.

When confronting your spouse, attack the behavior, not the person.

He will feel appreciated when you disagree with him only in private and honor his authority in front of the kids.

Do you give yourself grace and your spouse judgment?

A major step toward a happy marriage is accepting differences and working them out with love and respect.

Let the Lord change you, but don’t try to change each other.

A woman needs love like she needs air to breathe. A man needs respect like he needs air to breathe.

When a wife asks, “Do you love me?” She is not trying to put her husband on the spot. She is simply looking for reassurance.

It’s so easy to dismiss our spouse as childish because we don’t have the same vulnerabilities they do.

Words of wisdom for all husbands and wives are these: We easily see what is done to us before we see what we are doing to our mate.

This is the Rewarded Cycle: His love blesses regardless of her respect and her respect blesses regardless of his love.

When Jesus said “turn the other cheek,” He wasn’t saying to be passive wimps. He was teaching that physically people can control you but if you turn and give the other cheek, suddenly you’re in control and you’re making the choices.

[Husbands] the most powerful weapons you have are your ears. Just listen to your wife, and she is much more likely to feel understood.

If a husband is commanded to agape- love his wife, then she truly needs love.

When you look to God and His Word as your ultimate source of significance and security, you don’t demand that your spouse take that role in your life. And as you draw strength from the Lord individually, He draws you closer together as a couple.

Words of love from a husband are like good medicine that brings life to the marriage.

So I encourage every husband and wife to commit to the Jesus Way of Talking. Instead of allowing the stress of the situation to control you, you can say to yourself, “Because I love the Lord and I know that He rewards every good word, I am going to be truthful even if my spouse is not. I will also be uplifting, forgiving, thankful and scriptural in my speech because my ultimate goal is to please the Lord. Whatever my spouse’s weaknesses or bad habits might be, I will not let them cause me to sin with my lips.”

You must “ask God from the wealth of his glory to give you power through his Spirit to be strong in your inner selves.”

Always see your mate as an ally. Feedback is of little use if you see your spouse as an enemy. Giving and receiving constructive feedback is based on feelings of goodwill in both partners. Both of you need to remember that, even if you don’t always agree and even if you become irritated or angry, you are friends, and neither of you means to hurt the other.

You can be right but wrong at the top of your voice.

If you are seeking positive change in your marriage, you will need to make a positive change in your attitude and actions.

Marital researchers agree that a huge percentage of communication problems between husband and wife are due not to what is said but to how it is said – the attitude and tone of voice.

It is hard to be negative while being thankful.

Be friendly. Be friendly. Be friendly. Watch what happens.

[Women], as you enter quiet dignity, not preaching at your husband or scolding him as though you were his mother, something happens in his soul as a male.

As you pray together, you will truly learn to love and respect together.

Don’t conclude that your spouse is wrong when he/she is seeking to do the right and righteous thing.

There is power and freedom that comes in understanding that no one can cause you to react in a certain way. It is your choice.

Your spouse can have a need that you don’t have and that’s okay.

No matter how difficult your spouse may be at the moment, your spouse does not have control over your reaction; you do. You may be experiencing disappointment, frustration or anger, but you always have a choice. A wife can choose to be disrespectful or respectful. A husband can choose to be unloving or loving.

We can all have moments of anger, but this does not mean we have to lose control and sin.

Husbands primarily want to hear ‘respect” talk during conflict. Wives primarily want to hear “love” talk during conflict.

We must bring our identity in Christ to our parenting—we must not derive our identity from our children.

Here is the secret to marriage that every couple seeks and yet few find: Unconditional respect is as powerful for him as unconditional love is for her. It’s the secret that will help you achieve a brand new level of intimacy.

Unconditional respect is as powerful to him as unconditional love is to her.

“Living happily ever after” means knowing how to deal with the imperfect parts of life.

Never give up. If you want to have a strong marriage, you need to accept temporary setbacks as part of the game.

Your spouse can affect you, but your spouse does not control you.

“Respect is a man’s deepest value. I have had numerous men tell me, ‘I would rather live with a wife who respected me but did not love me than live with a wife who loved me but did not respect me.’ These men are not saying that they are indifferent to love. They know they need love, but they need to feel respected even more than they need to feel loved.“

[Husbands] as the church places her burdens on Christ, so a woman needs to place her burdens on her husband. When she shares with you, don’t assume she is asking you to solve the problem. Ask your wife, “Do you want a solution or a listening ear?”

When a husband feels disrespected, it is especially hard to love his wife. When a wife feels unloved, it is especially hard to respect her husband.

Your spouse has a need that you don’t have. Are you going to say there is something seriously wrong with them or will you say “Viva la Difference”?

His love motivates her respect. Her respect motivates his love.

You both forgive for one simple but profound reason: because you know Christ has forgiven you!

As a husband, if you can grasp that you don’t always have to solve your wife’s problems, you will take a giant step toward showing her empathy and understanding.

God is not pink. God is not blue. God is purple. When two become one, they have the potential of displaying God’s attributes and character.

His love blesses regardless of her respect; her respect blesses regardless of his love.

You can experience hurt, but it is your choice to hate.

Marriage is a tool and a test to allow God’s will to be revealed in our lives.

Words of Love or Respect must uplift your spouse, edifying- never manipulating him or her.

Accidental sparks (unwise remarks) ignite and fuel a fire, and vroom goes the Crazy Cycle.

Thank the Lord for all the trouble-free moments in which you and your spouse enjoy Him, each other, your family, your ministry and life as a whole. Ask Him for the strength to accept your measure of trouble, and the wisdom to deal with the annoyances and irritations by loving and respecting each other with new commitment. (You may also want to pray about troubles at work, at church, with the children…) “But those who marry will have trouble in this life” (1 Corinthians 7:28)

Mistakes can’t be undone, but they can be forgiven.

The difference between successful couples and unsuccessful couples is that successful ones keep getting up and dealing with the issues.

He will feel appreciated when you recognize his problem-solving approach as his male brand of empathy.

Our trustworthiness rests on our truthfulness.

If you want your husband to express appreciation for your attempts to be respectful, you must speak thankfully when he tries to be loving.

A wife has one driving need: to feel loved. When that need is met, she is happy. A husband has one driving need: to feel respected. When that need is met, he is happy. When either of these needs isn’t met, things get crazy with conflict.

You may believe that the careless, unloving or disrespectful words you speak are because your spouse is causing you to speak this way, but Jesus says that it is coming out of your heart.

Before hitting send, ask yourself, "Have I listened carefully and understand the exact issue on the table?"

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