Amor y Respeto (Spanish Love & Respect Book)

Truth will carry its own weight if delivered respectfully and lovingly.

Optimism or pessimism? It is always a choice, no matter what your natural temperament.

“Living happily ever after” means knowing how to deal with the imperfect parts of life.

Marriage is a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and your reverence for Jesus Christ.

Holding back your love or respect will just keep the Crazy Cycle spinning away, but being mature and making the first move could slow it down.

There is power and freedom that comes in understanding that no one can cause you to react in a certain way. It is your choice.

Be friendly. Be friendly. Be friendly. Watch what happens.

You must distinguish between “I can’t” and “I won’t.”

We send each other messages in “code” based on gender, even though we don’t intend to. What I say is not what you hear, and what you think you heard is not what I meant at all.

When a husband chooses to do or say something loving, and that includes saying, ‘I’m sorry for coming across in an unloving way,’ he energizes his wife. When a wife decides to express herself respectfully, and that includes apologizing for her disrespectful attitude, she energizes her husband.

It’s true that women have intuition and that men should listen to them. It’s also true that women have blind spots and need the insight of their husbands.

The woman absolutely needs love, and the man absolutely needs respect. It’s as simple- and as difficult- as that.

To get offended is easy, but to forgive is within your power as you walk in His steps.

If a husband is commanded to agape- love his wife, then she truly needs love.

When we feel crippling discouragement by the sinful choices and outcomes of our kids, we must not let this permanently deter us from parenting God’s way.

Above all trust God when the “whys” of life threaten to overwhelm you.

Women give a report to build rapport. Men bond through shoulder-to-shoulder activities without talking.

Marriage is a test of how you unconditionally love and respect your spouse as you obey, honor, and please the Lord.

Could you be facing a crisis in faith more than a crisis in your marriage?

Can you begin to trust that God feels love for you even when you don’t feel that love?

Getting married reveals, usually sooner than later, an incontestable fact: your spouse cannot possibly meet all your needs and desires

The mature one in the marriage seldom moves second.

I often stress that one of the greatest rewards any persevering spouse can have is being a good example and influence on the children in the family.

When a husband feels disrespected, he has a natural tendency to react in ways that feel unloving to his wife. (Perhaps the command to love was given to him precisely for this reason!) When a wife feels unloved, she has a natural tendency to react in ways that feel disrespectful to her husband. (Perhaps the command to respect was given to her precisely for this reason!)

Through Jesus and Peter, God set forth His standard for living in the unconditional dimension: choose to be loving even when the other person is not; do what is right regardless of the treatment you receive. I believe this standard applies directly to marriage. A husband who speaks lovingly to his disrespectful wife will be rewarded; and a wife who speaks respectfully to her unloving, not-worthy-of-respect husband will be rewarded. Whether you are husband or wife, the reward is what can keep you going in the midst of the craziness: knowing that God commends you, knowing that you have found his favor for your words and actions.

We are equal but we are not the same.

“With eyes of faith, envision Jesus standing just beyond the shoulder of your spouse and listening to every word you speak in every conversation, pleasant or tense. When you speak lovingly or respectfully to your spouse, you are speaking to Christ. Your spouse just happens to be there too.” This truth has sanctified the lips of many. Instead of giving their spouse a verbal whipping or choking on the idea of saying anything positive, now some spouses are motivated to speak words of unconditional love or respect.

The parent-child relationship is as easy, and as difficult, as love and respect.

In the ultimate sense you marriage has nothing to do with your spouse. It has everything to do with your relationship with Jesus Christ.

It’s crucial to communicate with the right tone of voice and the right expression on your face.

If a husband chooses to be a peacemaker--taking the needs and concerns of his wife totally into account during any kind of argument or conflict--his wife will be motivated in turn to respond to his authority during stalemates.

Wives, to energize your husband do an activity with him, shoulder-to-shoulder, without talking.

When you’re truly Christ-centered, instead of child-centered, you will be a more effective parent in the long run.

When you possess a forgiving spirit, words of Love and Respect will flow authentically from your lips- and realize that the Lord Himself is listening to you at moments like these. He knows you are not powerless, but actually full of power that He has granted you.

Often both spouses have goodwill but are not deciphering each other’s code. She criticizes out of love, but he “hears” only disrespect. He distances himself to prevent feelings from escalating, which is the honorable thing to do, but she “sees” only his failure to be loving!

He will feel appreciated when you recognize his problem-solving approach as his male brand of empathy.

A parent needs to feel respected, especially during conflicts...A child need to feel loved, especially during disputes.

Your words reveal your heart.

Your spouse has a need that you don’t have. Are you going to say there is something seriously wrong with them or will you say “Viva la Difference”?

When you come home after you have been apart, the first few moments of reconnecting will set the tone for the rest of the evening.

Mutual submission is the only way to live fairly together with mutual authority.

It is crucial for a husband and wife to see that neither one is wrong, but both of them are very different--in body function, outlook and perspective.

Your spouse may meet many of your needs, but your deepest dependency should be on your Lord.

A woman needs love like she needs air to breathe. A man needs respect like he needs air to breathe.

When the wife flatly says her husband will have to earn her respect before she gives him any, she leaves the husband in a lose-lose situation. Now he is responsible for both love and respect in the relationship. He must unconditionally love his wife and earn her respect.

As strong and powerful as marriage bonds can become, our deepest dependency must be on the Lord, not another human being.

Unconditional love or respect is never wasted. Hang onto this promise: “Let us not lose heart in doing good, for in due time we will reap if we do not grow weary” (Galatians 6:9).

Christian maturity involves a lot of things, but surely it includes knowing how to process your anger.

Clarifying is what you do before you step on your mate’s air hose and deflate his or her spirit. For example, you are having a typical conversation, but you can tell there is a misunderstanding. One of you isn’t being clear or isn’t hearing correctly. Then and there you clarify the misunderstanding before your spouse’s spirit deflates. You lovingly or respectfully clarify matters so that your spouse will not feel unloved or disrespected. The reason you take pains to clarify a seemingly small matter is to prevent the situation from becoming a love and respect issue that needs decoding. Clarifying is what you do to stay off the Crazy Cycle and keep positive, energetic feelings flowing between the two of you, to keep yourselves on the Energizing Cycle.

Accentuate the positive and eliminate the negative with lots of love and respect in between.

You’re the only person in the world who can meet your spouse’s deepest need for love and respect. After all, you alone are married to your spouse.

We all need to wrestle with the spiritual truth that God is good. If you don’t believe God is good, you won’t trust His word. If you don’t trust His word, you will find excuses to ignore His commands.

One thing to remember in this culture is if we say something complimentary towards one gender, we aren’t saying something against the other.

When others do not respond to our communication, we need to look first at our communication style. Is the other person incapable of hearing what we have to say? Or are we abrupt, brusque, and curt?

Troubles over sex and money do not cause a marriage to go under. The lack of love and respect during conflict cause the marriage to go under.

Wives, you never know: The way you handle this [conflict] might bring your husband not only back to you, but to God. Husbands, you never know: The way you handle this [conflict] might bring your wife not only back to you, but to God. (1 Corinthians 7:16)

God is not pink. God is not blue. God is purple. When two become one, they have the potential of displaying God’s attributes and character.

Your spouse can affect you, but your spouse does not control you.

Assume goodwill about the person you are in conflict with.

As a wife, if you can start to understand how important your husband’s work is to him, you will take a giant step toward communicating respect and honor, two things that he values even more than your love.

In the ultimate sense, your marriage has nothing to do with your spouse. It has everything to do with your relationship to Jesus Christ.

Your wife will feel esteemed when you speak highly of her in front of others.

Unconditional respect means we confront their wrongdoings respectfully. We do not become uncivil because they are. Who they fail to be does not determine who we will be.

You have two ears and one mouth; use them proportionately.

Unconditional respect, like unconditional love, is all about how one sounds (tone of voice and word choice) and appears (facial expressions and physical actions).

When you look to God and His Word as your ultimate source of significance and security, you don’t demand that your spouse take that role in your life. And as you draw strength from the Lord individually, He draws you closer together as a couple.

In your marriage be the first to “seek peace and pursue it” (1 Peter 3:11)

We have to step back as Christ followers and ask, “Do I have false expectations that my relationship should be romantic 99% of the time?”

“Respect is a man’s deepest value. I have had numerous men tell me, ‘I would rather live with a wife who respected me but did not love me than live with a wife who loved me but did not respect me.’ These men are not saying that they are indifferent to love. They know they need love, but they need to feel respected even more than they need to feel loved.“

Although the Crazy Cycle is not what God intends for any marriage, all couples get on it at times from one degree to another.

God rewards your obedience to love and respect, even if your spouse does not respond!

We can all have moments of anger, but this does not mean we have to lose control and sin.

Do not live by the standards of Hollywood; trust what God says in His Holy Word.

Negative actions rarely produce positive results.

God is good and wants what is best for us.

Our research shows that couples who pray together are more apt to reap all kinds of benefits, including better and more frequent communication, going on “dates” more frequently and having sex more frequently.

We are either going to give in the darkness or we are going to give into the darkness.

His love motivates her respect. Her respect motivates his love.

Responding to offensive words or actions with your own offensive words and actions is damaging and unproductive.

This is the Rewarded Cycle: His love blesses regardless of her respect and her respect blesses regardless of his love.

Every marriage includes trouble some of the time. Do not let the 20% leaven all the rest.

It’s so easy to dismiss our spouse as childish because we don’t have the same vulnerabilities they do.

If we subscribe to the belief that because we are equal we are the same, then we’re going to expect our spouse to respond the way we do.

Here is the secret to marriage that every couple seeks and yet few find: Unconditional respect is as powerful for him as unconditional love is for her. It’s the secret that will help you achieve a brand new level of intimacy.

As a husband, if you can grasp that you don’t always have to solve your wife’s problems, you will take a giant step toward showing her empathy and understanding.

Your marriage is a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and reverence for Jesus Christ. God is using your spouse to bring you an eternal reward.

Life is too short to fuss and fret over trivial irritations.

A major step toward a happy marriage is accepting differences and working them out with love and respect.

Ladies, be careful. “A nagging wife goes on and on like the drip, drip, drip of the rain” (Proverbs 19:13).

We fool ourselves into thinking the other person causes us to be the way we are. They really don’t! But if we lock into that idea, we become helpless, hopeless victims.

The Crazy Cycle is, indeed, “the evil of folly and the foolishness of madness” (Ecclesiastes 7:25).

Thank the Lord for the goodwill each of you has toward the other. Ask Him for strength to give each other the benefit of the doubt during moments when someone’s goodwill seems to be lacking. “He who seeks good finds goodwill, but evil comes to him who searches for it.” (Proverbs 11:27)

Words of Love or Respect must uplift your spouse, edifying- never manipulating him or her.

[Husbands] the most powerful weapons you have are your ears. Just listen to your wife, and she is much more likely to feel understood.

We can communicate the truth in the best of manners, but the person may be so insecure he or she can only react and attack like a wounded bear.

Mistakes can’t be undone, but they can be forgiven.

When sorting out how to slow down the Crazy Cycle, it helps to remember that men are commanded to love because they don’t love naturally, and on the other side, women are commanded to respect because they don’t respect naturally.

You cannot use unholy means to achieve a worthy end.

Self-interest should never come ahead of your spouse’s interests.

When you relinquish an offense, you need to send that offense somewhere. So follow Jesus’ example and release it to your heavenly Father.