Motivating Your Man God’s Way: Applying One Word That Energizes Him to Love

God’s commands are there to help us, not to hinder us or hold us back as male and female.

Do you understand that God feels compassion for you, no matter what you have done or what your circumstances may be?

When you possess a forgiving spirit, words of Love and Respect will flow authentically from your lips- and realize that the Lord Himself is listening to you at moments like these. He knows you are not powerless, but actually full of power that He has granted you.

Mutual submission is the only way to live fairly together with mutual authority.

His love blesses regardless of her respect; her respect blesses regardless of his love.

If a husband loves his wife as he should, she will feel honored and respected. If a wife respects her husband as she should, he will feel loved and appreciated. It’s a win-win.

You speak lovingly or respectfully no matter how your spouse may speak to you in return. Your spouse is not the reason--good or bad--why you speak unconditional words of love or respect. God is the reason, and as you depend on Him, you will become increasingly able to speak lovingly and respectfully to your spouse.

So I encourage every husband and wife to commit to the Jesus Way of Talking. Instead of allowing the stress of the situation to control you, you can say to yourself, “Because I love the Lord and I know that He rewards every good word, I am going to be truthful even if my spouse is not. I will also be uplifting, forgiving, thankful and scriptural in my speech because my ultimate goal is to please the Lord. Whatever my spouse’s weaknesses or bad habits might be, I will not let them cause me to sin with my lips.”

When you look to God and His Word as your ultimate source of significance and security, you don’t demand that your spouse take that role in your life. And as you draw strength from the Lord individually, He draws you closer together as a couple.

When there is confusion, I try to refrain from attacking another for not listening carefully (which may not be the case). Instead, I take a run at communicating again, but more clearly.

If a husband is commanded to agape- love his wife, then she truly needs love.

Feeling unloved, a wife gets defensive and acts offensively without respect. Feeling disrespected, a husband gets defensive and acts offensively without love.

If you want your wife to express appreciation for your attempts to be loving, you must use thankful words when she tries to speak or act respectfully.

Although the Crazy Cycle is not what God intends for any marriage, all couples get on it at times from one degree to another.

Your spouse deserves the truth from you. Do your best to tell it with love and respect.

When you’re truly Christ-centered, instead of child-centered, you will be a more effective parent in the long run.

Self-interest should never come ahead of your spouse’s interests.

Our research shows that couples who pray together are more apt to reap all kinds of benefits, including better and more frequent communication, going on “dates” more frequently and having sex more frequently.

We fool ourselves into thinking the other person causes us to be the way we are. They really don’t! But if we lock into that idea, we become helpless, hopeless victims.

A parent needs to feel respected, especially during conflicts...A child need to feel loved, especially during disputes.

Positive changes flood a relationship immediately when both husband and wife cancel the blame game!

We might say that every negative action in the family has an equal and opposite negative reaction.

It’s hard to realize that we would never act around our business associates the way we act around our spouse.

Could you be facing a crisis in faith more than a crisis in your marriage?

We can communicate the truth in the best of manners, but the person may be so insecure he or she can only react and attack like a wounded bear.

When one of you makes a mistake, control any anger you may feel and trust God completely, no matter what happens.

There is power and freedom that comes in understanding that no one can cause you to react in a certain way. It is your choice.

Both Judas and Peter denied Jesus Christ, but there is a huge difference between a Judas and a Peter.

Assume goodwill about the person you are in conflict with.

We blame people for the bad things we do, but take credit for the good things we do.

Your marriage is really a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and reverence for your Lord.

Your spouse has a need that you don’t have. Are you going to say there is something seriously wrong with them or will you say “Viva la Difference”?

God rewards your obedience to love and respect, even if your spouse does not respond!

Your marriage is a test of your devotion to Christ.

Negative actions rarely produce positive results.

Wives, to energize your husband do an activity with him, shoulder-to-shoulder, without talking.

To get offended is easy, but to forgive is within your power as you walk in His steps.

Love and Respect is a faith venture, not a formula.

Marriage is a tool and a test to allow God’s will to be revealed in our lives.

Pink and Blue perceptions not only affect seeing, they affect hearing as well. Women hear with pink hearing aids and men hear with blue hearing aids. Even more important to understand as you and your spouse seek to gain better communication, you can hear the very same words, but each of you will hear different messages.

As mature men, we need to take leadership and put this out on the table. We must acknowledge our feelings- we need to feel respected. However, as we do this we must acknowledge our wife’s feelings- she needs to feel loved!

Your marriage is a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and reverence for Jesus Christ. God is using your spouse to bring you an eternal reward.

Your husband knows you value his friendship when you tell him you like him and you show it (he knows you love him, but he often wonders if you really like him).

Our trustworthiness rests on our truthfulness.

We have different vulnerabilities. We can pass judgment on one another all day long or we can say God made us different and that’s ok.

Share what God is saying to your heart, not what you think He needs to say to your mate.

Respect for the husband is just as important as love for the wife.

Being a person who communicates what is true frequently demands tact, and at times it can feel like sidestepping land mines. It takes work to be both truthful and tactful.

It’s so easy to dismiss our spouse as childish because we don’t have the same vulnerabilities they do.

Accentuate the positive and eliminate the negative with lots of love and respect in between.

She’ll feel at peace with you when you let her vent your frustrations and hurts and don’t get angry and close her off.

Each of you must focus on what God is calling you to do toward your spouse. Do not focus on what you think God is calling your spouse to do toward you.

As strong and powerful as marriage bonds can become, our deepest dependency must be on the Lord, not another human being.

Clarifying is what you do before you step on your mate’s air hose and deflate his or her spirit. For example, you are having a typical conversation, but you can tell there is a misunderstanding. One of you isn’t being clear or isn’t hearing correctly. Then and there you clarify the misunderstanding before your spouse’s spirit deflates. You lovingly or respectfully clarify matters so that your spouse will not feel unloved or disrespected. The reason you take pains to clarify a seemingly small matter is to prevent the situation from becoming a love and respect issue that needs decoding. Clarifying is what you do to stay off the Crazy Cycle and keep positive, energetic feelings flowing between the two of you, to keep yourselves on the Energizing Cycle.

Do you believe that there is a God who really loves you and wants to help you?

Fight like a loving man and a respectful woman. Fight fair.

When your wife comes to talk to you, listen to her. Realize she is coming to you because you matter more to her than anyone else. She has certain emotional needs and only you can meet them. Sometimes she may say things that don’t make sense to you and she is apt to misspeak and exaggerate when she is upset, but don’t put her down. Instead, listen to her heart. Give her a chance to express her concerns and, as she does so, don’t try to fix her. Don’t give her your solutions unless she asks for them.

When a husband chooses to do or say something loving, and that includes saying, ‘I’m sorry for coming across in an unloving way,’ he energizes his wife. When a wife decides to express herself respectfully, and that includes apologizing for her disrespectful attitude, she energizes her husband.

Words of love from a husband are like good medicine that brings life to the marriage.

Don’t conclude that your spouse is wrong when he/she is seeking to do the right and righteous thing.

When we feel crippling discouragement by the sinful choices and outcomes of our kids, we must not let this permanently deter us from parenting God’s way.

We have discovered that as women motivate their man God’s way, men are energized to love them better. It doesn’t matter if your marriage is good or seems like there is no hope. We have seen God move in powerful ways even when things looked hopeless.

When evil comes at you, you’re the one who makes the choice of whether or not it is going to go into you.

Husbands, even Jesus Himself was asked by a woman, “Do you not care?” (Luke 10:40) When your wife accuses you of not caring, decode her deeper meaning.

Don’t label each other as bad because you differ on how you solve your troubles.

The woman absolutely needs love, and the man absolutely needs respect. It’s as simple- and as difficult- as that.

Assuming goodwill can be revolutionary in relationships.

This is the Rewarded Cycle: His love blesses regardless of her respect and her respect blesses regardless of his love.

God’s commands are not burdensome, but are given to us to spare us from more pain. Why would God command you to do something that doesn’t work?

You may believe that the careless, unloving or disrespectful words you speak are because your spouse is causing you to speak this way, but Jesus says that it is coming out of your heart.

God is not pink. God is not blue. God is purple. When two become one, they have the potential of displaying God’s attributes and character.

Often both spouses have goodwill but are not deciphering each other’s code. She criticizes out of love, but he “hears” only disrespect. He distances himself to prevent feelings from escalating, which is the honorable thing to do, but she “sees” only his failure to be loving!

I often stress that one of the greatest rewards any persevering spouse can have is being a good example and influence on the children in the family.

You must “ask God from the wealth of his glory to give you power through his Spirit to be strong in your inner selves.”

No matter how difficult your spouse may be at the moment, your spouse does not have control over your reaction; you do. You may be experiencing disappointment, frustration or anger, but you always have a choice. A wife can choose to be disrespectful or respectful. A husband can choose to be unloving or loving.

A husband may deserve contempt, but that doesn’t win him any more than harshness and anger wins the heart of a woman.

Words of wisdom for all husbands and wives are these: We easily see what is done to us before we see what we are doing to our mate.

How we react to a situation reveals more about us than about the other person.

Mistakes can’t be undone, but they can be forgiven.

The moment we cry to Him for help, He is already pleased. He gives us strength to love our children.

He will feel appreciated when you disagree with him only in private and honor his authority in front of the kids.

A major step toward a happy marriage is accepting differences and working them out with love and respect.

Always see your mate as an ally. Feedback is of little use if you see your spouse as an enemy. Giving and receiving constructive feedback is based on feelings of goodwill in both partners. Both of you need to remember that, even if you don’t always agree and even if you become irritated or angry, you are friends, and neither of you means to hurt the other.

Don’t pressure yourself with perfection. We are going to fail. A righteous man falls 7 times but gets back up.

Your wife feels you are open with her when you discuss financial concerns, possible job changes or ideas for your future.

Christian maturity involves a lot of things, but surely it includes knowing how to process your anger.

Unconditional respect means we confront their wrongdoings respectfully. We do not become uncivil because they are. Who they fail to be does not determine who we will be.

Women give a report to build rapport. Men bond through shoulder-to-shoulder activities without talking.

Always try to look at your spouse the way Jesus does.

A wife has one driving need: to feel loved. When that need is met, she is happy. A husband has one driving need: to feel respected. When that need is met, he is happy. When either of these needs isn’t met, things get crazy with conflict.

Responding to offensive words or actions with your own offensive words and actions is damaging and unproductive.

You must distinguish between “I can’t” and “I won’t.”

In the ultimate sense you marriage has nothing to do with your spouse. It has everything to do with your relationship with Jesus Christ.

Refuse to let evil turn you into a contemptuous and hateful person.

The Crazy Cycle is, indeed, “the evil of folly and the foolishness of madness” (Ecclesiastes 7:25).

You can be right but wrong at the top of your voice.

God designed the woman to love. He’s not going to command her to agape her husband when He created her to do that in the first place. God is not into redundancy.

Research and experience prove that men and women see and hear differently. Recognizing these differences and adjusting to them is absolutely necessary for reaching mutual understanding and better communication.

The heart of my communication means the other person cannot get my heart to be unkind, unloving, or disrespectful. Instead, I have made a decision about who I will be independent of the other person. I won’t blame my unkindness on someone else.

The key to motivating another person is meeting their deepest need, especially during conflict.