Motivating Your Man God’s Way: Applying One Word That Energizes Him to Love

As a wife, if you can start to understand how important your husband’s work is to him, you will take a giant step toward communicating respect and honor, two things that he values even more than your love.

Research shows that 70% of the couples who were extremely unhappy in their marriage, but hung in there and worked through the tough time, identified themselves as being very happy five years later.

When one of you makes a mistake, control any anger you may feel and trust God completely, no matter what happens.

When a husband feels disrespected, he has a natural tendency to react in ways that feel unloving to his wife. (Perhaps the command to love was given to him precisely for this reason!) When a wife feels unloved, she has a natural tendency to react in ways that feel disrespectful to her husband. (Perhaps the command to respect was given to her precisely for this reason!)

We are worth Jesus to the Father.

Mutual understanding, not communication, is the key to a healthy marriage relationship.

Although the Crazy Cycle is not what God intends for any marriage, all couples get on it at times from one degree to another.

When you relinquish an offense, you need to send that offense somewhere. So follow Jesus’ example and release it to your heavenly Father.

Do not live by the standards of Hollywood; trust what God says in His Holy Word.

Husbands primarily want to hear ‘respect” talk during conflict. Wives primarily want to hear “love” talk during conflict.

“Living happily ever after” means knowing how to deal with the imperfect parts of life.

Men are solution oriented, they love to solve problems. They want to be helpful.

When a wife insists that her husband earn her respect, she puts him in a lose-lose situation.

Your spouse may meet many of your needs, but your deepest dependency should be on your Lord.

If you want your husband to express appreciation for your attempts to be respectful, you must speak thankfully when he tries to be loving.

Good intentions do not always produce good words or outcomes.

Husbands, to energize your wife give her face-to-face time, allowing her to talk and share her feelings.

Both Judas and Peter denied Jesus Christ, but there is a huge difference between a Judas and a Peter.

Trust God when the “why’s” of life threaten to overwhelm you.

If you are seeking positive change in your marriage, you will need to make a positive change in your attitude and actions.

Your words reveal your heart.

Assuming goodwill can be revolutionary in relationships.

We have to step back as Christ followers and ask, “Do I have false expectations that my relationship should be romantic 99% of the time?”

Research and experience prove that men and women see and hear differently. Recognizing these differences and adjusting to them is absolutely necessary for reaching mutual understanding and better communication.

You speak lovingly or respectfully no matter how your spouse may speak to you in return. Your spouse is not the reason--good or bad--why you speak unconditional words of love or respect. God is the reason, and as you depend on Him, you will become increasingly able to speak lovingly and respectfully to your spouse.

[Husbands] do you realize the power of just holding your wife’s hand?

Your spouse deserves the truth from you. Do your best to tell it with love and respect.

When you love or respect unconditionally regardless of the outcome, you are following God and His will for you.

His love motivates her respect. Her respect motivates his love.

She’s not wrong for not being male. He is not wrong for not being female. When you put pink and blue together, you get purple, the color of royalty; the color of God. Together, a husband and wife reflect God’s image.

Your marriage is really a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and reverence for your Lord.

Above all trust God when the “whys” of life threaten to overwhelm you.

It’s so easy to dismiss our spouse as childish because we don’t have the same vulnerabilities they do.

His love blesses regardless of her respect; her respect blesses regardless of his love.

I have concluded that those of us in the church who believe we have the Truth are not using the whole truth. A crucial part of God’s Word has been completely ignored, or perhaps simply gone unnoticed, when it has been there right under our noses the whole time! Many Christian spouses know Ephesians 5:33 and can at least paraphrase it. The Apostle Paul tells husbands to love their wives as much as they love themselves, and wives are to respect their husbands. But is anyone really listening? Perhaps the first step to better communication between husband and wife is to hear what God’s Word clearly says. --Emerson

Whether visiting a prison, feeding the hungry, giving the thirsty a drink or speaking a word of love or respect, everything is to be done to and for Christ.

When a wife feels unloved, it can be such a shock to her heart that she is oblivious to her disrespectful reactions toward her husband, though any man watching could see it plainly.

Marriage is a tool and a test to allow God’s will to be revealed in our lives.

The difference between successful couples and unsuccessful couples is that successful ones keep getting up and dealing with the issues.

“With eyes of faith, envision Jesus standing just beyond the shoulder of your spouse and listening to every word you speak in every conversation, pleasant or tense. When you speak lovingly or respectfully to your spouse, you are speaking to Christ. Your spouse just happens to be there too.” This truth has sanctified the lips of many. Instead of giving their spouse a verbal whipping or choking on the idea of saying anything positive, now some spouses are motivated to speak words of unconditional love or respect.

This is the Rewarded Cycle: His love blesses regardless of her respect and her respect blesses regardless of his love.

When there is confusion, I try to refrain from attacking another for not listening carefully (which may not be the case). Instead, I take a run at communicating again, but more clearly.

Your spouse can have a need that you don’t have and that’s okay.

Unconditional respect, like unconditional love, is all about how one sounds (tone of voice and word choice) and appears (facial expressions and physical actions).

Marriage is a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and your reverence for Jesus Christ.

To get offended is easy, but to forgive is within your power as you walk in His steps.

In the ultimate sense, your marriage has nothing to do with your spouse. It has everything to do with your relationship to Jesus Christ.

Accentuate the positive and eliminate the negative with lots of love and respect in between.

Words of Love or Respect must uplift your spouse, edifying- never manipulating him or her.

So I encourage every husband and wife to commit to the Jesus Way of Talking. Instead of allowing the stress of the situation to control you, you can say to yourself, “Because I love the Lord and I know that He rewards every good word, I am going to be truthful even if my spouse is not. I will also be uplifting, forgiving, thankful and scriptural in my speech because my ultimate goal is to please the Lord. Whatever my spouse’s weaknesses or bad habits might be, I will not let them cause me to sin with my lips.”

Thank God for joining you together and for allowing you to trust Him to help you, whatever the issue. God is there for you and expects you to look to Him to keep you together as a team, so ask Him for His help in the smallest of concerns. “So they are no longer two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate.” (Matthew 19:6)

A major step toward a happy marriage is accepting differences and working them out with love and respect.

To stay the course in speaking words of Love and Respect, keep your heart in Scripture, trusting in and talking about His promises to help you.

Being friendly to her man is one of the most effective things a woman can do to strengthen her marriage.

Most marriages will succeed when obeying the command to Love and Respect.

Thank the Lord for all the trouble-free moments in which you and your spouse enjoy Him, each other, your family, your ministry and life as a whole. Ask Him for the strength to accept your measure of trouble, and the wisdom to deal with the annoyances and irritations by loving and respecting each other with new commitment. (You may also want to pray about troubles at work, at church, with the children…) “But those who marry will have trouble in this life” (1 Corinthians 7:28)

Troubles over sex and money do not cause a marriage to go under. The lack of love and respect during conflict cause the marriage to go under.

If we subscribe to the belief that because we are equal we are the same, then we’re going to expect our spouse to respond the way we do.

Don’t label each other as bad because you differ on how you solve your troubles.

When a husband chooses to come across lovingly even though he feels disrespected, he can prevent the Crazy Cycle from spinning and possibly getting out of control.

A most significant point of this book is this: If what we think is true, kind, necessary, and clear, we need to have the courage to hit send. This isn’t about refraining from speaking; this is about speaking.

He will feel appreciated when you disagree with him only in private and honor his authority in front of the kids.

You’re the only person in the world who can meet your spouse’s deepest need for love and respect. After all, you alone are married to your spouse.

Being a person who communicates what is true frequently demands tact, and at times it can feel like sidestepping land mines. It takes work to be both truthful and tactful.

[Husbands] the most powerful weapons you have are your ears. Just listen to your wife, and she is much more likely to feel understood.

Here is the secret to marriage that every couple seeks and yet few find: Unconditional respect is as powerful for him as unconditional love is for her. It’s the secret that will help you achieve a brand new level of intimacy.

Be friendly. Be friendly. Be friendly. Watch what happens.

God is not trying to trick you or mess with you. Trust that He wants to reveal Himself to you just as much as He wants to reveal Himself to the world.

We get on the Crazy Cycle because without love a wife reacts without respect, and without respect a husband reacts without love.

We blame people for the bad things we do, but take credit for the good things we do.

It is so easy to draw wrong conclusions about a spouse’s character and motives due to an occasional flare-up or silly comment.

Respect for the husband is just as important as love for the wife.

We all need to wrestle with the spiritual truth that God is good. If you don’t believe God is good, you won’t trust His word. If you don’t trust His word, you will find excuses to ignore His commands.

The parent-child relationship is as easy, and as difficult, as love and respect.

A marriage relationship will be energized when couples learn how to motivate each other God’s way.

Can you begin to trust that God feels love for you even when you don’t feel that love?

Our trustworthiness rests on our truthfulness.

You have to become proactive, rather than just trying to stop the reactive.

Getting married reveals, usually sooner than later, an incontestable fact: your spouse cannot possibly meet all your needs and desires

The more we are upset at something, the wiser it is to let twenty-four hours pass before responding.

If you want your wife to express appreciation for your attempts to be loving, you must use thankful words when she tries to speak or act respectfully.

There is power and freedom that comes in understanding that no one can cause you to react in a certain way. It is your choice.

Be a part of the solution, not part of the problem.

Each of you must focus on what God is calling you to do toward your spouse. Do not focus on what you think God is calling your spouse to do toward you.

[Women], as you enter quiet dignity, not preaching at your husband or scolding him as though you were his mother, something happens in his soul as a male.

Clearly, in the marriage, in the family and in the household, when you speak words of blessing, you are speaking to the Lord, and for this you will be rewarded.

A man has a natural, inborn desire to go out and “conquer” the challenges of his world – to work and achieve.

There is a discrepancy between who we want to be and see ourselves to be and how we actually sound in voice and writing. But with self-reflection and honesty, we can turn the corner and improve our communication. We need only evaluate what we are about to communicate.

The Love and Respect message is not about a husband earning his wife’s respect by being more loving any more than it is about a wife earning her husband’s love by being more respectful. Always love or respect is given unconditionally according to God’s commands.

The Crazy Cycle is, indeed, “the evil of folly and the foolishness of madness” (Ecclesiastes 7:25).

Through Jesus and Peter, God set forth His standard for living in the unconditional dimension: choose to be loving even when the other person is not; do what is right regardless of the treatment you receive. I believe this standard applies directly to marriage. A husband who speaks lovingly to his disrespectful wife will be rewarded; and a wife who speaks respectfully to her unloving, not-worthy-of-respect husband will be rewarded. Whether you are husband or wife, the reward is what can keep you going in the midst of the craziness: knowing that God commends you, knowing that you have found his favor for your words and actions.

No one can really practice Love and Respect unless he or she does it as unto Jesus Christ.

When a husband chooses to do or say something loving, and that includes saying, ‘I’m sorry for coming across in an unloving way,’ he energizes his wife. When a wife decides to express herself respectfully, and that includes apologizing for her disrespectful attitude, she energizes her husband.

Mutual submission is the only way to live fairly together with mutual authority.

Marital researchers agree that a huge percentage of communication problems between husband and wife are due not to what is said but to how it is said – the attitude and tone of voice.

Always see your mate as an ally. Feedback is of little use if you see your spouse as an enemy. Giving and receiving constructive feedback is based on feelings of goodwill in both partners. Both of you need to remember that, even if you don’t always agree and even if you become irritated or angry, you are friends, and neither of you means to hurt the other.

We send each other messages in “code” based on gender, even though we don’t intend to. What I say is not what you hear, and what you think you heard is not what I meant at all.

Your spouse has a need that you don’t have. Are you going to say there is something seriously wrong with them or will you say “Viva la Difference”?

Let the Lord change you, but don’t try to change each other.

Before hitting send, ask yourself, "Have I listened carefully and understand the exact issue on the table?"