Motivating Your Man God’s Way: Applying One Word That Energizes Him to Love

A wife has one driving need: to feel loved. When that need is met, she is happy. A husband has one driving need: to feel respected. When that need is met, he is happy. When either of these needs isn’t met, things get crazy with conflict.

Although the Crazy Cycle is not what God intends for any marriage, all couples get on it at times from one degree to another.

When a husband chooses to do or say something loving, and that includes saying, ‘I’m sorry for coming across in an unloving way,’ he energizes his wife. When a wife decides to express herself respectfully, and that includes apologizing for her disrespectful attitude, she energizes her husband.

A marriage relationship will be energized when couples learn how to motivate each other God’s way.

A man has a natural, inborn desire to go out and “conquer” the challenges of his world – to work and achieve.

You both forgive for one simple but profound reason: because you know Christ has forgiven you!

Most marriages will succeed when obeying the command to Love and Respect.

It’s true that women have intuition and that men should listen to them. It’s also true that women have blind spots and need the insight of their husbands.

You can be right but wrong at the top of your voice.

A strong woman of dignity puts on respect out of her love and reverence for Jesus Christ. She trusts that His word not only protects and empowers her, but also rewards her with incomprehensible eternal blessings.

It is crucial for a husband and wife to see that neither one is wrong, but both of them are very different--in body function, outlook and perspective.

When you look to God and His Word as your ultimate source of significance and security, you don’t demand that your spouse take that role in your life. And as you draw strength from the Lord individually, He draws you closer together as a couple.

When evil comes at you, you’re the one who makes the choice of whether or not it is going to go into you.

Your marriage is really a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and reverence for your Lord.

Life is too short to fuss and fret over trivial irritations.

The moment we cry to Him for help, He is already pleased. He gives us strength to love our children.

If husbands and wives are to understand the Love and Respect Connection, they must realize that they communicate in code. And the problem is, they don’t know how to decipher the messages they send to one another.

No matter what your struggle- criticism, constant conflict, sex, money, parenting, harsh words- learning to communicate the Love and Respect way can help you make crucial changes and build the kind of relationship that God blesses.

When a husband chooses to come across lovingly even though he feels disrespected, he can prevent the Crazy Cycle from spinning and possibly getting out of control.

Do you seek to understand or only to be understood?

The Crazy Cycle is, indeed, “the evil of folly and the foolishness of madness” (Ecclesiastes 7:25).

Share what God is saying to your heart, not what you think He needs to say to your mate.

He will feel appreciated when you disagree with him only in private and honor his authority in front of the kids.

The key to motivating another person is meeting their deepest need, especially during conflict.

We can communicate the truth in the best of manners, but the person may be so insecure he or she can only react and attack like a wounded bear.

A husband may deserve contempt, but that doesn’t win him any more than harshness and anger wins the heart of a woman.

There is power and freedom that comes in understanding that no one can cause you to react in a certain way. It is your choice.

Let the Lord change you, but don’t try to change each other.

Feeling unloved, a wife gets defensive and acts offensively without respect. Feeling disrespected, a husband gets defensive and acts offensively without love.

Respect for the husband is just as important as love for the wife.

Will we decide how we see God based on our circumstances, or will we see our circumstances in light of how we view God?

When a husband feels disrespected, he has a natural tendency to react in ways that feel unloving to his wife. (Perhaps the command to love was given to him precisely for this reason!) When a wife feels unloved, she has a natural tendency to react in ways that feel disrespectful to her husband. (Perhaps the command to respect was given to her precisely for this reason!)

Refuse to let evil turn you into a contemptuous and hateful person.

When you play the blame game your marriage never wins.

Men are solution oriented, they love to solve problems. They want to be helpful.

Your hunger for God can create an appetite in your children.

To build a lasting legacy, use proven wisdom that you glean from the Lord.

The mature one in the marriage seldom moves second.

The Crazy Cycle is, indeed “the evil of folly and the foolishness of madness” (Ecclesiastes 7:25)

Optimism or pessimism? It is always a choice, no matter what your natural temperament.

Pink and Blue perceptions not only affect seeing, they affect hearing as well. Women hear with pink hearing aids and men hear with blue hearing aids. Even more important to understand as you and your spouse seek to gain better communication, you can hear the very same words, but each of you will hear different messages.

Accentuate the positive and eliminate the negative with lots of love and respect in between.

“With eyes of faith, envision Jesus standing just beyond the shoulder of your spouse and listening to every word you speak in every conversation, pleasant or tense. When you speak lovingly or respectfully to your spouse, you are speaking to Christ. Your spouse just happens to be there too.” This truth has sanctified the lips of many. Instead of giving their spouse a verbal whipping or choking on the idea of saying anything positive, now some spouses are motivated to speak words of unconditional love or respect.

We send each other messages in “code” based on gender, even though we don’t intend to. What I say is not what you hear, and what you think you heard is not what I meant at all.

Above all trust God when the “whys” of life threaten to overwhelm you.

Clarifying is what you do before you step on your mate’s air hose and deflate his or her spirit. For example, you are having a typical conversation, but you can tell there is a misunderstanding. One of you isn’t being clear or isn’t hearing correctly. Then and there you clarify the misunderstanding before your spouse’s spirit deflates. You lovingly or respectfully clarify matters so that your spouse will not feel unloved or disrespected. The reason you take pains to clarify a seemingly small matter is to prevent the situation from becoming a love and respect issue that needs decoding. Clarifying is what you do to stay off the Crazy Cycle and keep positive, energetic feelings flowing between the two of you, to keep yourselves on the Energizing Cycle.

The Love and Respect message is not about a husband earning his wife’s respect by being more loving any more than it is about a wife earning her husband’s love by being more respectful. Always love or respect is given unconditionally according to God’s commands.

Your position in Christ is what counts, not your less-than-perfect performance.

Never give up. If you want to have a strong marriage, you need to accept temporary setbacks as part of the game.

Do you bow to the influence of Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?

When you love or respect unconditionally regardless of the outcome, you are following God and His will for you.

Don’t conclude that your spouse is wrong when he/she is seeking to do the right and righteous thing.

Both Judas and Peter denied Jesus Christ, but there is a huge difference between a Judas and a Peter.

You may believe that the careless, unloving or disrespectful words you speak are because your spouse is causing you to speak this way, but Jesus says that it is coming out of your heart.

To get offended is easy, but to forgive is within your power as you walk in His steps.

You have two ears and one mouth; use them proportionately.

“Living happily ever after” means knowing how to deal with the imperfect parts of life.

Knowing my spouse will not be able to love or respect me perfectly, I commit to having a forgiving spirit so that I may never speak hatefully or contemptuously.

[Husbands] the most powerful weapons you have are your ears. Just listen to your wife, and she is much more likely to feel understood.

When confronting your spouse, attack the behavior, not the person.

You can be right in the argument, but wrong in your approach.

When others do not respond to our communication, we need to look first at our communication style. Is the other person incapable of hearing what we have to say? Or are we abrupt, brusque, and curt?

When a wife feels unloved, it can be such a shock to her heart that she is oblivious to her disrespectful reactions toward her husband, though any man watching could see it plainly.

Here is the secret to marriage that every couple seeks and yet few find: Unconditional respect is as powerful for him as unconditional love is for her. It’s the secret that will help you achieve a brand new level of intimacy.

In your marriage be the first to “seek peace and pursue it” (1 Peter 3:11)

Words of love from a husband are like good medicine that brings life to the marriage.

Thank the Lord for the goodwill each of you has toward the other. Ask Him for strength to give each other the benefit of the doubt during moments when someone’s goodwill seems to be lacking. “He who seeks good finds goodwill, but evil comes to him who searches for it.” (Proverbs 11:27)

Mutual submission is the only way to live fairly together with mutual authority.

Can you begin to trust that God feels love for you even when you don’t feel that love?

Good intentions do not always produce good words or outcomes.

Your spouse can affect you, but your spouse does not control you.

Your husband knows you value his friendship when you tell him you like him and you show it (he knows you love him, but he often wonders if you really like him).

Our research shows that couples who pray together are more apt to reap all kinds of benefits, including better and more frequent communication, going on “dates” more frequently and having sex more frequently.

When one of you makes a mistake, control any anger you may feel and trust God completely, no matter what happens.

She’ll feel at peace with you when you let her vent your frustrations and hurts and don’t get angry and close her off.

We are worth Jesus to the Father.

Husbands primarily want to hear ‘respect” talk during conflict. Wives primarily want to hear “love” talk during conflict.

We are either going to give in the darkness or we are going to give into the darkness.

At the very bottom of things, in every case and in every conversation, you can do your marriage a huge favor by assuming she is seeking to feel loved or he is seeking to feel respected and give your spouse some grace!

Do you believe that there is a God who really loves you and wants to help you?

Christian maturity involves a lot of things, but surely it includes knowing how to process your anger.

When we feel crippling discouragement by the sinful choices and outcomes of our kids, we must not let this permanently deter us from parenting God’s way.

You speak lovingly or respectfully no matter how your spouse may speak to you in return. Your spouse is not the reason--good or bad--why you speak unconditional words of love or respect. God is the reason, and as you depend on Him, you will become increasingly able to speak lovingly and respectfully to your spouse.

Your marriage is a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and reverence for Jesus Christ. God is using your spouse to bring you an eternal reward.

A wife has one driving need--to feel loved. When that need is met she is happy. A husband has one driving need--to feel respected. When that need is met he is happy. When either of these needs isn’t met, things get crazy. Love and Respect reveals why spouses react negatively to each other, and how they can deal with such conflict quickly, easily and biblically.

We have different vulnerabilities. We can pass judgment on one another all day long or we can say God made us different and that’s ok.

God rewards your obedience to love and respect, even if your spouse does not respond!

When you possess a forgiving spirit, words of Love and Respect will flow authentically from your lips- and realize that the Lord Himself is listening to you at moments like these. He knows you are not powerless, but actually full of power that He has granted you.

How we react to a situation reveals more about us than about the other person.

Each of you must focus on what God is calling you to do toward your spouse. Do not focus on what you think God is calling your spouse to do toward you.

Don’t pressure yourself with perfection. We are going to fail. A righteous man falls 7 times but gets back up.

Wives, you never know: The way you handle this [conflict] might bring your husband not only back to you, but to God. Husbands, you never know: The way you handle this [conflict] might bring your wife not only back to you, but to God. (1 Corinthians 7:16)

A parent needs to feel respected, especially during conflicts...A child need to feel loved, especially during disputes.

The Lord made women (Pink) and men (Blue) with differences, and He expects us to recognize and deal with those differences in a loving and respectful way.

Words of Love and Respect must include thankfulness spoken to or about your spouse; don’t fixate on weaknesses and faults.

You have to become proactive, rather than just trying to stop the reactive.

Ladies, be careful. “A nagging wife goes on and on like the drip, drip, drip of the rain” (Proverbs 19:13).

Though the end can be worthy (to be loved and respected), when each uses unholy means (unloving and disrespectful words and actions), it will not achieve those ends. We must treat others as we expect them to treat us. To deny this makes us arrogant or fools, or both.

God is not trying to trick you or mess with you. Trust that He wants to reveal Himself to you just as much as He wants to reveal Himself to the world.

God is good and wants what is best for us.