Cuaderno de Amor y Respeto

It’s crucial to communicate with the right tone of voice and the right expression on your face.

Ladies, be careful. “A nagging wife goes on and on like the drip, drip, drip of the rain” (Proverbs 19:13).

If you want your wife to express appreciation for your attempts to be loving, you must use thankful words when she tries to speak or act respectfully.

Your hunger for God can create an appetite in your children.

Mistakes can’t be undone, but they can be forgiven.

We fool ourselves into thinking the other person causes us to be the way we are. They really don’t! But if we lock into that idea, we become helpless, hopeless victims.

To build a lasting legacy, use proven wisdom that you glean from the Lord.

Your marriage is a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and reverence for Jesus Christ. God is using your spouse to bring you an eternal reward.

One thing to remember in this culture is if we say something complimentary towards one gender, we aren’t saying something against the other.

This is the Rewarded Cycle: His love blesses regardless of her respect and her respect blesses regardless of his love.

Do you give yourself grace and your spouse judgment?

In the ultimate sense you marriage has nothing to do with your spouse. It has everything to do with your relationship with Jesus Christ.

Marriage is a tool and a test to allow God’s will to be revealed in our lives.

Thank God for joining you together and for allowing you to trust Him to help you, whatever the issue. God is there for you and expects you to look to Him to keep you together as a team, so ask Him for His help in the smallest of concerns. “So they are no longer two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate.” (Matthew 19:6)

I have concluded that those of us in the church who believe we have the Truth are not using the whole truth. A crucial part of God’s Word has been completely ignored, or perhaps simply gone unnoticed, when it has been there right under our noses the whole time! Many Christian spouses know Ephesians 5:33 and can at least paraphrase it. The Apostle Paul tells husbands to love their wives as much as they love themselves, and wives are to respect their husbands. But is anyone really listening? Perhaps the first step to better communication between husband and wife is to hear what God’s Word clearly says. --Emerson

Let the Lord change you, but don’t try to change each other.

Every marriage includes trouble some of the time. Do not let the 20% leaven all the rest.

[Husbands] do you realize the power of just holding your wife’s hand?

Your husband knows you value his friendship when you tell him you like him and you show it (he knows you love him, but he often wonders if you really like him).

It is so easy to draw wrong conclusions about a spouse’s character and motives due to an occasional flare-up or silly comment.

When Jesus said “turn the other cheek,” He wasn’t saying to be passive wimps. He was teaching that physically people can control you but if you turn and give the other cheek, suddenly you’re in control and you’re making the choices.

Accentuate the positive and eliminate the negative with lots of love and respect in between.

We might say that every negative action in the family has an equal and opposite negative reaction.

God is not trying to trick you or mess with you. Trust that He wants to reveal Himself to you just as much as He wants to reveal Himself to the world.

Mutual understanding, not communication, is the key to a healthy marriage relationship.

Your spouse can have a need that you don’t have and that’s okay.

[Women], your self-love cannot be derived from your husband’s love. It can affect it, but it does not determine it.

If a husband is commanded to agape- love his wife, then she truly needs love.

Troubles over sex and money do not cause a marriage to go under. The lack of love and respect during conflict cause the marriage to go under.

When sorting out how to slow down the Crazy Cycle, it helps to remember that men are commanded to love because they don’t love naturally, and on the other side, women are commanded to respect because they don’t respect naturally.

We have discovered that as women motivate their man God’s way, men are energized to love them better. It doesn’t matter if your marriage is good or seems like there is no hope. We have seen God move in powerful ways even when things looked hopeless.

How we react to a situation reveals more about us than about the other person.

Since it is easy to focus on the negative, focus on your mate’s good qualities and express thanks with positive words of Love or Respect.

As you pray together, you will truly learn to love and respect together.

When you look to God and His Word as your ultimate source of significance and security, you don’t demand that your spouse take that role in your life. And as you draw strength from the Lord individually, He draws you closer together as a couple.

Getting married reveals, usually sooner than later, an incontestable fact: your spouse cannot possibly meet all your needs and desires

Husbands primarily want to hear ‘respect” talk during conflict. Wives primarily want to hear “love” talk during conflict.

Thank the Lord for all the trouble-free moments in which you and your spouse enjoy Him, each other, your family, your ministry and life as a whole. Ask Him for the strength to accept your measure of trouble, and the wisdom to deal with the annoyances and irritations by loving and respecting each other with new commitment. (You may also want to pray about troubles at work, at church, with the children…) “But those who marry will have trouble in this life” (1 Corinthians 7:28)

You both forgive for one simple but profound reason: because you know Christ has forgiven you!

If we subscribe to the belief that because we are equal we are the same, then we’re going to expect our spouse to respond the way we do.

A strong woman of dignity puts on respect out of her love and reverence for Jesus Christ. She trusts that His word not only protects and empowers her, but also rewards her with incomprehensible eternal blessings.

Your spouse has a need only you can fill.

As a husband, if you can grasp that you don’t always have to solve your wife’s problems, you will take a giant step toward showing her empathy and understanding.

Focus on the positive in the midst of the negative, and the Energizing Cycle will keep right on humming.

There is a discrepancy between who we want to be and see ourselves to be and how we actually sound in voice and writing. But with self-reflection and honesty, we can turn the corner and improve our communication. We need only evaluate what we are about to communicate.

When we speak before we think, we widen the chances the other person(s) will be notably hurt, frustrated, confused, angry, fearful, or offended by something we’ve communicated.

We all need to wrestle with the spiritual truth that God is good. If you don’t believe God is good, you won’t trust His word. If you don’t trust His word, you will find excuses to ignore His commands.

It’s true that women have intuition and that men should listen to them. It’s also true that women have blind spots and need the insight of their husbands.

God rewards your obedience to love and respect, even if your spouse does not respond!

Wives, you never know: The way you handle this [conflict] might bring your husband not only back to you, but to God. Husbands, you never know: The way you handle this [conflict] might bring your wife not only back to you, but to God. (1 Corinthians 7:16)

When evil comes at you, you’re the one who makes the choice of whether or not it is going to go into you.

When a husband feels disrespected, he has a natural tendency to react in ways that feel unloving to his wife. (Perhaps the command to love was given to him precisely for this reason!) When a wife feels unloved, she has a natural tendency to react in ways that feel disrespectful to her husband. (Perhaps the command to respect was given to her precisely for this reason!)

Through Jesus and Peter, God set forth His standard for living in the unconditional dimension: choose to be loving even when the other person is not; do what is right regardless of the treatment you receive. I believe this standard applies directly to marriage. A husband who speaks lovingly to his disrespectful wife will be rewarded; and a wife who speaks respectfully to her unloving, not-worthy-of-respect husband will be rewarded. Whether you are husband or wife, the reward is what can keep you going in the midst of the craziness: knowing that God commends you, knowing that you have found his favor for your words and actions.

You can experience hurt, but it is your choice to hate.

When we feel crippling discouragement by the sinful choices and outcomes of our kids, we must not let this permanently deter us from parenting God’s way.

When a wife asks, “Do you love me?” She is not trying to put her husband on the spot. She is simply looking for reassurance.

Before hitting send, ask yourself, "Have I listened carefully and understand the exact issue on the table?"

Unconditional respect means we confront their wrongdoings respectfully. We do not become uncivil because they are. Who they fail to be does not determine who we will be.

The woman absolutely needs love, and the man absolutely needs respect. It’s as simple- and as difficult- as that.

Your words reveal your heart.

We send each other messages in “code” based on gender, even though we don’t intend to. What I say is not what you hear, and what you think you heard is not what I meant at all.

Always see your mate as an ally. Feedback is of little use if you see your spouse as an enemy. Giving and receiving constructive feedback is based on feelings of goodwill in both partners. Both of you need to remember that, even if you don’t always agree and even if you become irritated or angry, you are friends, and neither of you means to hurt the other.

God designed the woman to love. He’s not going to command her to agape her husband when He created her to do that in the first place. God is not into redundancy.

When there is confusion, I try to refrain from attacking another for not listening carefully (which may not be the case). Instead, I take a run at communicating again, but more clearly.

Do you seek to understand or only to be understood?

A most significant point of this book is this: If what we think is true, kind, necessary, and clear, we need to have the courage to hit send. This isn’t about refraining from speaking; this is about speaking.

We have different vulnerabilities. We can pass judgment on one another all day long or we can say God made us different and that’s ok.

Just because you may feel unloved or disrespected does not mean your spouse is sending that message.

“With eyes of faith, envision Jesus standing just beyond the shoulder of your spouse and listening to every word you speak in every conversation, pleasant or tense. When you speak lovingly or respectfully to your spouse, you are speaking to Christ. Your spouse just happens to be there too.” This truth has sanctified the lips of many. Instead of giving their spouse a verbal whipping or choking on the idea of saying anything positive, now some spouses are motivated to speak words of unconditional love or respect.

Although the Crazy Cycle is not what God intends for any marriage, all couples get on it at times from one degree to another.

Your spouse may meet many of your needs, but your deepest dependency should be on your Lord.

At the very bottom of things, in every case and in every conversation, you can do your marriage a huge favor by assuming she is seeking to feel loved or he is seeking to feel respected and give your spouse some grace!

If a husband loves his wife as he should, she will feel honored and respected. If a wife respects her husband as she should, he will feel loved and appreciated. It’s a win-win.

A marriage relationship will be energized when couples learn how to motivate each other God’s way.

Whether visiting a prison, feeding the hungry, giving the thirsty a drink or speaking a word of love or respect, everything is to be done to and for Christ.

Your marriage is a test of your devotion to Christ.

Recognize your different gifts--how each of you (Pink and Blue) functions according to God’s perfect design.

Trusting and obeying God’s Word because we love and reverence God never, ever makes us a hypocrite! When the alarm goes off in the morning, we get up, even when we don’t feel like it getting up. Because we do what we don’t feel like doing, does that make us hypocrites? No, it’s a sign we are responsible people. Showing respectful behavior when we don’t “feel respectful” is evidence of maturity.

We are either going to give in the darkness or we are going to give into the darkness.

Though the end can be worthy (to be loved and respected), when each uses unholy means (unloving and disrespectful words and actions), it will not achieve those ends. We must treat others as we expect them to treat us. To deny this makes us arrogant or fools, or both.

Don’t conclude that your spouse is wrong when he/she is seeking to do the right and righteous thing.

Respect for the husband is just as important as love for the wife.

Words of love from a husband are like good medicine that brings life to the marriage.

You must “ask God from the wealth of his glory to give you power through his Spirit to be strong in your inner selves.”

Love and Respect is a faith venture, not a formula.

We blame people for the bad things we do, but take credit for the good things we do.

When you’re truly Christ-centered, instead of child-centered, you will be a more effective parent in the long run.

Don’t pressure yourself with perfection. We are going to fail. A righteous man falls 7 times but gets back up.

His love motivates her respect. Her respect motivates his love.

When confronting your spouse, attack the behavior, not the person.

Unconditional love or respect is never wasted. Hang onto this promise: “Let us not lose heart in doing good, for in due time we will reap if we do not grow weary” (Galatians 6:9).

When you possess a forgiving spirit, words of Love and Respect will flow authentically from your lips- and realize that the Lord Himself is listening to you at moments like these. He knows you are not powerless, but actually full of power that He has granted you.

A major step toward a happy marriage is accepting differences and working them out with love and respect.

Christian maturity involves a lot of things, but surely it includes knowing how to process your anger.

Marriage is a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and your reverence for Jesus Christ.

Responding to offensive words or actions with your own offensive words and actions is damaging and unproductive.

The parent-child relationship is as easy, and as difficult, as love and respect.

Be quick to listen and understand and you have a much better chance of being understood.

Never give up. If you want to have a strong marriage, you need to accept temporary setbacks as part of the game.

Knowing my spouse will not be able to love or respect me perfectly, I commit to having a forgiving spirit so that I may never speak hatefully or contemptuously.