The Illumination Project Journal (10 Pack)

When you look to God and His Word as your ultimate source of significance and security, you don’t demand that your spouse take that role in your life. And as you draw strength from the Lord individually, He draws you closer together as a couple.

Unconditional respect, like unconditional love, is all about how one sounds (tone of voice and word choice) and appears (facial expressions and physical actions).

Every marriage includes trouble some of the time. Do not let the 20% leaven all the rest.

As a husband, if you can grasp that you don’t always have to solve your wife’s problems, you will take a giant step toward showing her empathy and understanding.

Your spouse has a need that you don’t have. Are you going to say there is something seriously wrong with them or will you say “Viva la Difference”?

When a husband feels disrespected, it is especially hard to love his wife. When a wife feels unloved, it is especially hard to respect her husband.

Life is too short to fuss and fret over trivial irritations.

Thank the Lord for the goodwill each of you has toward the other. Ask Him for strength to give each other the benefit of the doubt during moments when someone’s goodwill seems to be lacking. “He who seeks good finds goodwill, but evil comes to him who searches for it.” (Proverbs 11:27)

Troubles over sex and money do not cause a marriage to go under. The lack of love and respect during conflict cause the marriage to go under.

Negative actions rarely produce positive results.

Truth will carry its own weight if delivered respectfully and lovingly.

When we speak before we think, we widen the chances the other person(s) will be notably hurt, frustrated, confused, angry, fearful, or offended by something we’ve communicated.

Assume goodwill about the person you are in conflict with.

Unconditional respect is as powerful to him as unconditional love is to her.

She’s not wrong for not being male. He is not wrong for not being female. When you put pink and blue together, you get purple, the color of royalty; the color of God. Together, a husband and wife reflect God’s image.

The woman absolutely needs love, and the man absolutely needs respect. It’s as simple- and as difficult- as that.

Unconditional respect means we confront their wrongdoings respectfully. We do not become uncivil because they are. Who they fail to be does not determine who we will be.

Thank the Lord for all the trouble-free moments in which you and your spouse enjoy Him, each other, your family, your ministry and life as a whole. Ask Him for the strength to accept your measure of trouble, and the wisdom to deal with the annoyances and irritations by loving and respecting each other with new commitment. (You may also want to pray about troubles at work, at church, with the children…) “But those who marry will have trouble in this life” (1 Corinthians 7:28)

Your wife will feel esteemed when you speak highly of her in front of others.

You may believe that the careless, unloving or disrespectful words you speak are because your spouse is causing you to speak this way, but Jesus says that it is coming out of your heart.

Do you believe that there is a God who really loves you and wants to help you?

[Women], as you enter quiet dignity, not preaching at your husband or scolding him as though you were his mother, something happens in his soul as a male.

God designed the woman to love. He’s not going to command her to agape her husband when He created her to do that in the first place. God is not into redundancy.

[Husbands] as the church places her burdens on Christ, so a woman needs to place her burdens on her husband. When she shares with you, don’t assume she is asking you to solve the problem. Ask your wife, “Do you want a solution or a listening ear?”

I often stress that one of the greatest rewards any persevering spouse can have is being a good example and influence on the children in the family.

Words of love from a husband are like good medicine that brings life to the marriage.

His love blesses regardless of her respect; her respect blesses regardless of his love.

Above all trust God when the “whys” of life threaten to overwhelm you.

If you are seeking positive change in your marriage, you will need to make a positive change in your attitude and actions.

Positive changes flood a relationship immediately when both husband and wife cancel the blame game!

Thank the Lord that in the very beginning He created them male and female – Blue and Pink. Ask Him for patience and ever-growing understanding of how men and women see and hear differently. “He created them male and female, and He blessed them.” (Genesis 5:2)

When a wife insists that her husband earn her respect, she puts him in a lose-lose situation.

We fool ourselves into thinking the other person causes us to be the way we are. They really don’t! But if we lock into that idea, we become helpless, hopeless victims.

You can be right but wrong at the top of your voice.

The Love and Respect message is not about a husband earning his wife’s respect by being more loving any more than it is about a wife earning her husband’s love by being more respectful. Always love or respect is given unconditionally according to God’s commands.

When a wife asks, “Do you love me?” She is not trying to put her husband on the spot. She is simply looking for reassurance.

To get offended is easy, but to forgive is within your power as you walk in His steps.

A major step toward a happy marriage is accepting differences and working them out with love and respect.

If a husband loves his wife as he should, she will feel honored and respected. If a wife respects her husband as she should, he will feel loved and appreciated. It’s a win-win.

It’s crucial to communicate with the right tone of voice and the right expression on your face.

We all need to wrestle with the spiritual truth that God is good. If you don’t believe God is good, you won’t trust His word. If you don’t trust His word, you will find excuses to ignore His commands.

A strong woman of dignity puts on respect out of her love and reverence for Jesus Christ. She trusts that His word not only protects and empowers her, but also rewards her with incomprehensible eternal blessings.

Your marriage is really a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and reverence for your Lord.

Words of wisdom for all husbands and wives are these: We easily see what is done to us before we see what we are doing to our mate.

A most significant point of this book is this: If what we think is true, kind, necessary, and clear, we need to have the courage to hit send. This isn’t about refraining from speaking; this is about speaking.

You both forgive for one simple but profound reason: because you know Christ has forgiven you!

When you’re truly Christ-centered, instead of child-centered, you will be a more effective parent in the long run.

Do you give yourself grace and your spouse judgment?

Our research shows that couples who pray together are more apt to reap all kinds of benefits, including better and more frequent communication, going on “dates” more frequently and having sex more frequently.

It is hard to be negative while being thankful.

Can you begin to trust that God feels love for you even when you don’t feel that love?

Will we decide how we see God based on our circumstances, or will we see our circumstances in light of how we view God?

Assuming goodwill can be revolutionary in relationships.

Being friendly to her man is one of the most effective things a woman can do to strengthen her marriage.

Thank God for His forgiveness of your mistakes. In trying to be a loving man or a respectful woman, we blow it. Owning up to mistakes is never easy, but it is always the way to move forward. Take good care not to accuse your spouse of mistakes as you pray. Also, pray about any forgiving to be done in the family, any forgiveness that needs to be asked. Children may need forgiveness (and what about Mom and Dad?). “There is no one on earth who does what is right all the time and never makes a mistake.” (Ecclesiastes 7:20)

The mature one in the marriage seldom moves second.

We have discovered that as women motivate their man God’s way, men are energized to love them better. It doesn’t matter if your marriage is good or seems like there is no hope. We have seen God move in powerful ways even when things looked hopeless.

Your position in Christ is what counts, not your less-than-perfect performance.

Self-interest should never come ahead of your spouse’s interests.

We can communicate the truth in the best of manners, but the person may be so insecure he or she can only react and attack like a wounded bear.

We blame people for the bad things we do, but take credit for the good things we do.

Mistakes can’t be undone, but they can be forgiven.

Do you seek to understand or only to be understood?

Women give a report to build rapport. Men bond through shoulder-to-shoulder activities without talking.

I had often asked God to compensate for my mistakes, but in return had I thought He would give me perfect children?

“Living happily ever after” means knowing how to deal with the imperfect parts of life.

The Lord made women (Pink) and men (Blue) with differences, and He expects us to recognize and deal with those differences in a loving and respectful way.

Fight like a loving man and a respectful woman. Fight fair.

It’s so easy to dismiss our spouse as childish because we don’t have the same vulnerabilities they do.

One thing to remember in this culture is if we say something complimentary towards one gender, we aren’t saying something against the other.

Christian maturity involves a lot of things, but surely it includes knowing how to process your anger.

We might say that every negative action in the family has an equal and opposite negative reaction.

Each of you must focus on what God is calling you to do toward your spouse. Do not focus on what you think God is calling your spouse to do toward you.

Do you understand that God feels compassion for you, no matter what you have done or what your circumstances may be?

Don’t pressure yourself with perfection. We are going to fail. A righteous man falls 7 times but gets back up.

There is a discrepancy between who we want to be and see ourselves to be and how we actually sound in voice and writing. But with self-reflection and honesty, we can turn the corner and improve our communication. We need only evaluate what we are about to communicate.

If you want your wife to express appreciation for your attempts to be loving, you must use thankful words when she tries to speak or act respectfully.

Responding to offensive words or actions with your own offensive words and actions is damaging and unproductive.

[Husbands] do you realize the power of just holding your wife’s hand?

This is the Rewarded Cycle: His love blesses regardless of her respect and her respect blesses regardless of his love.

Before hitting send, ask yourself, "Have I listened carefully and understand the exact issue on the table?"

Just because you may feel unloved or disrespected does not mean your spouse is sending that message.

Your spouse can affect you, but your spouse does not control you.

There is a plan to parent God’s way, even when our children may seek to go their own way at time. The secret is to follow this plan regardless. When you do, I believe you succeed in His eyes.

If a husband is commanded to agape- love his wife, then she truly needs love.

Always remember that Pink and Blue have different wiring, different preferences. Assume your spouse has goodwill toward you, no matter what. Both of you can be right, while being different.

Marriage is a test of how you unconditionally love and respect your spouse as you obey, honor, and please the Lord.

Trusting and obeying God’s Word because we love and reverence God never, ever makes us a hypocrite! When the alarm goes off in the morning, we get up, even when we don’t feel like it getting up. Because we do what we don’t feel like doing, does that make us hypocrites? No, it’s a sign we are responsible people. Showing respectful behavior when we don’t “feel respectful” is evidence of maturity.

Suppressing negative feelings is not loving, respectful or very wise. Speak up tactfully.

Marriage is a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and your reverence for Jesus Christ.

Although the Crazy Cycle is not what God intends for any marriage, all couples get on it at times from one degree to another.

We easily see what is done to us before we see what we are doing to our mate.

The Crazy Cycle is, indeed, “the evil of folly and the foolishness of madness” (Ecclesiastes 7:25).

We send each other messages in “code” based on gender, even though we don’t intend to. What I say is not what you hear, and what you think you heard is not what I meant at all.

To stay the course in speaking words of Love and Respect, keep your heart in Scripture, trusting in and talking about His promises to help you.

So I encourage every husband and wife to commit to the Jesus Way of Talking. Instead of allowing the stress of the situation to control you, you can say to yourself, “Because I love the Lord and I know that He rewards every good word, I am going to be truthful even if my spouse is not. I will also be uplifting, forgiving, thankful and scriptural in my speech because my ultimate goal is to please the Lord. Whatever my spouse’s weaknesses or bad habits might be, I will not let them cause me to sin with my lips.”

Do you bow to the influence of Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?

Marital researchers agree that a huge percentage of communication problems between husband and wife are due not to what is said but to how it is said – the attitude and tone of voice.

Research shows that 70% of the couples who were extremely unhappy in their marriage, but hung in there and worked through the tough time, identified themselves as being very happy five years later.

As a wife, if you can start to understand how important your husband’s work is to him, you will take a giant step toward communicating respect and honor, two things that he values even more than your love.