The Illumination Project Journal (10 Pack)

We are equal but we are not the same.

I often stress that one of the greatest rewards any persevering spouse can have is being a good example and influence on the children in the family.

When we feel crippling discouragement by the sinful choices and outcomes of our kids, we must not let this permanently deter us from parenting God’s way.

Often both spouses have goodwill but are not deciphering each other’s code. She criticizes out of love, but he “hears” only disrespect. He distances himself to prevent feelings from escalating, which is the honorable thing to do, but she “sees” only his failure to be loving!

Your marriage is really a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and reverence for your Lord.

A strong woman of dignity puts on respect out of her love and reverence for Jesus Christ. She trusts that His word not only protects and empowers her, but also rewards her with incomprehensible eternal blessings.

Getting married reveals, usually sooner than later, an incontestable fact: your spouse cannot possibly meet all your needs and desires

When Jesus said “turn the other cheek,” He wasn’t saying to be passive wimps. He was teaching that physically people can control you but if you turn and give the other cheek, suddenly you’re in control and you’re making the choices.

Words of wisdom for all husbands and wives are these: We easily see what is done to us before we see what we are doing to our mate.

The mature one in the marriage seldom moves second.

A marriage relationship will be energized when couples learn how to motivate each other God’s way.

If we subscribe to the belief that because we are equal we are the same, then we’re going to expect our spouse to respond the way we do.

The Love and Respect message is not about a husband earning his wife’s respect by being more loving any more than it is about a wife earning her husband’s love by being more respectful. Always love or respect is given unconditionally according to God’s commands.

Since it is easy to focus on the negative, focus on your mate’s good qualities and express thanks with positive words of Love or Respect.

To not forgive is to shoot yourself in the foot and put extra gas in the Crazy Cycle.

When you love or respect unconditionally regardless of the outcome, you are following God and His will for you.

If a husband is commanded to agape- love his wife, then she truly needs love.

Pink and Blue perceptions not only affect seeing, they affect hearing as well. Women hear with pink hearing aids and men hear with blue hearing aids. Even more important to understand as you and your spouse seek to gain better communication, you can hear the very same words, but each of you will hear different messages.

Your spouse has a need only you can fill.

Don’t label each other as bad because you differ on how you solve your troubles.

His love motivates her respect. Her respect motivates his love.

We have different vulnerabilities. We can pass judgment on one another all day long or we can say God made us different and that’s ok.

When a wife feels unloved, it can be such a shock to her heart that she is oblivious to her disrespectful reactions toward her husband, though any man watching could see it plainly.

Your wife will feel esteemed when you speak highly of her in front of others.

Marriage is a test of how you unconditionally love and respect your spouse as you obey, honor, and please the Lord.

Thank the Lord that in the very beginning He created them male and female – Blue and Pink. Ask Him for patience and ever-growing understanding of how men and women see and hear differently. “He created them male and female, and He blessed them.” (Genesis 5:2)

Above all trust God when the “whys” of life threaten to overwhelm you.

Be quick to listen and understand and you have a much better chance of being understood.

Just because you’re offended doesn’t mean the other person is offensive.

Don’t pressure yourself with perfection. We are going to fail. A righteous man falls 7 times but gets back up.

It is so easy to draw wrong conclusions about a spouse’s character and motives due to an occasional flare-up or silly comment.

[Women], your self-love cannot be derived from your husband’s love. It can affect it, but it does not determine it.

When a wife insists that her husband earn her respect, she puts him in a lose-lose situation.

“You can be right, but wrong at the top of your voice.”

A wife has one driving need: to feel loved. When that need is met, she is happy. A husband has one driving need: to feel respected. When that need is met, he is happy. When either of these needs isn’t met, things get crazy with conflict.

Trusting and obeying God’s Word because we love and reverence God never, ever makes us a hypocrite! When the alarm goes off in the morning, we get up, even when we don’t feel like it getting up. Because we do what we don’t feel like doing, does that make us hypocrites? No, it’s a sign we are responsible people. Showing respectful behavior when we don’t “feel respectful” is evidence of maturity.

A woman needs love like she needs air to breathe. A man needs respect like he needs air to breathe.

Clarifying is what you do before you step on your mate’s air hose and deflate his or her spirit. For example, you are having a typical conversation, but you can tell there is a misunderstanding. One of you isn’t being clear or isn’t hearing correctly. Then and there you clarify the misunderstanding before your spouse’s spirit deflates. You lovingly or respectfully clarify matters so that your spouse will not feel unloved or disrespected. The reason you take pains to clarify a seemingly small matter is to prevent the situation from becoming a love and respect issue that needs decoding. Clarifying is what you do to stay off the Crazy Cycle and keep positive, energetic feelings flowing between the two of you, to keep yourselves on the Energizing Cycle.

When you look to God and His Word as your ultimate source of significance and security, you don’t demand that your spouse take that role in your life. And as you draw strength from the Lord individually, He draws you closer together as a couple.

How we react to a situation reveals more about us than about the other person.

Truth will carry its own weight if delivered respectfully and lovingly.

A major step toward a happy marriage is accepting differences and working them out with love and respect.

Your husband knows you appreciate his desire to protect and provide when you praise his commitment to provide for you. You empathize when he reveals his male mindset about position, status, or rank at work.

Being a person who communicates what is true frequently demands tact, and at times it can feel like sidestepping land mines. It takes work to be both truthful and tactful.

It’s true that women have intuition and that men should listen to them. It’s also true that women have blind spots and need the insight of their husbands.

If you want your wife to express appreciation for your attempts to be loving, you must use thankful words when she tries to speak or act respectfully.

As mature men, we need to take leadership and put this out on the table. We must acknowledge our feelings- we need to feel respected. However, as we do this we must acknowledge our wife’s feelings- she needs to feel loved!

We send each other messages in “code” based on gender, even though we don’t intend to. What I say is not what you hear, and what you think you heard is not what I meant at all.

Being friendly to her man is one of the most effective things a woman can do to strengthen her marriage.

Words of Love or Respect must uplift your spouse, edifying- never manipulating him or her.

A parent needs to feel respected, especially during conflicts...A child need to feel loved, especially during disputes.

You must “ask God from the wealth of his glory to give you power through his Spirit to be strong in your inner selves.”

She’ll feel at peace with you when you let her vent your frustrations and hurts and don’t get angry and close her off.

Every marriage includes trouble some of the time. Do not let the 20% leaven all the rest.

Wives, to energize your husband do an activity with him, shoulder-to-shoulder, without talking.

Christian maturity involves a lot of things, but surely it includes knowing how to process your anger.

Negative actions rarely produce positive results.

To get offended is easy, but to forgive is within your power as you walk in His steps.

When one of you makes a mistake, control any anger you may feel and trust God completely, no matter what happens.

The woman absolutely needs love, and the man absolutely needs respect. It’s as simple- and as difficult- as that.

Husbands primarily want to hear ‘respect” talk during conflict. Wives primarily want to hear “love” talk during conflict.

The Crazy Cycle is, indeed “the evil of folly and the foolishness of madness” (Ecclesiastes 7:25)

We are either going to give in the darkness or we are going to give into the darkness.

If a husband chooses to be a peacemaker--taking the needs and concerns of his wife totally into account during any kind of argument or conflict--his wife will be motivated in turn to respond to his authority during stalemates.

Research and experience prove that men and women see and hear differently. Recognizing these differences and adjusting to them is absolutely necessary for reaching mutual understanding and better communication.

When we speak before we think, we widen the chances the other person(s) will be notably hurt, frustrated, confused, angry, fearful, or offended by something we’ve communicated.

Your words reveal your heart.

When evil comes at you, you’re the one who makes the choice of whether or not it is going to go into you.

No one can really practice Love and Respect unless he or she does it as unto Jesus Christ.

We can communicate the truth in the best of manners, but the person may be so insecure he or she can only react and attack like a wounded bear.

Do you give yourself grace and your spouse judgment?

A man has a natural, inborn desire to go out and “conquer” the challenges of his world – to work and achieve.

Unconditional respect is as powerful to him as unconditional love is to her.

Your position in Christ is what counts, not your less-than-perfect performance.

In the ultimate sense you marriage has nothing to do with your spouse. It has everything to do with your relationship with Jesus Christ.

Share what God is saying to your heart, not what you think He needs to say to your mate.

If husbands and wives are to understand the Love and Respect Connection, they must realize that they communicate in code. And the problem is, they don’t know how to decipher the messages they send to one another.

It’s so easy to dismiss our spouse as childish because we don’t have the same vulnerabilities they do.

Ladies, be careful. “A nagging wife goes on and on like the drip, drip, drip of the rain” (Proverbs 19:13).

Holding back your love or respect will just keep the Crazy Cycle spinning away, but being mature and making the first move could slow it down.

We have to step back as Christ followers and ask, “Do I have false expectations that my relationship should be romantic 99% of the time?”

We must bring our identity in Christ to our parenting—we must not derive our identity from our children.

The moment we cry to Him for help, He is already pleased. He gives us strength to love our children.

To build a lasting legacy, use proven wisdom that you glean from the Lord.

Positive changes flood a relationship immediately when both husband and wife cancel the blame game!

Refuse to let evil turn you into a contemptuous and hateful person.

Be friendly. Be friendly. Be friendly. Watch what happens.

Before hitting send, ask yourself, "Have I listened carefully and understand the exact issue on the table?"

When you possess a forgiving spirit, words of Love and Respect will flow authentically from your lips- and realize that the Lord Himself is listening to you at moments like these. He knows you are not powerless, but actually full of power that He has granted you.

With a better understanding of God’s promises, you will be on your way to a renewed mind and a changed life.

Thank the Lord for all the trouble-free moments in which you and your spouse enjoy Him, each other, your family, your ministry and life as a whole. Ask Him for the strength to accept your measure of trouble, and the wisdom to deal with the annoyances and irritations by loving and respecting each other with new commitment. (You may also want to pray about troubles at work, at church, with the children…) “But those who marry will have trouble in this life” (1 Corinthians 7:28)

Your spouse can affect you, but your spouse does not control you.

If a husband loves his wife as he should, she will feel honored and respected. If a wife respects her husband as she should, he will feel loved and appreciated. It’s a win-win.

In the ultimate sense, your marriage has nothing to do with your spouse. It has everything to do with your relationship to Jesus Christ.

The parent-child relationship is as easy, and as difficult, as love and respect.

As a husband, if you can grasp that you don’t always have to solve your wife’s problems, you will take a giant step toward showing her empathy and understanding.

His love blesses regardless of her respect; her respect blesses regardless of his love.

A wife has one driving need--to feel loved. When that need is met she is happy. A husband has one driving need--to feel respected. When that need is met he is happy. When either of these needs isn’t met, things get crazy. Love and Respect reveals why spouses react negatively to each other, and how they can deal with such conflict quickly, easily and biblically.

[Husbands] as the church places her burdens on Christ, so a woman needs to place her burdens on her husband. When she shares with you, don’t assume she is asking you to solve the problem. Ask your wife, “Do you want a solution or a listening ear?”

It’s hard to realize that we would never act around our business associates the way we act around our spouse.