Respectfully Yours - Leader's Guide (Download)

[Husbands] do you realize the power of just holding your wife’s hand?

When you relinquish an offense, you need to send that offense somewhere. So follow Jesus’ example and release it to your heavenly Father.

I often stress that one of the greatest rewards any persevering spouse can have is being a good example and influence on the children in the family.

The woman absolutely needs love, and the man absolutely needs respect. It’s as simple- and as difficult- as that.

The heart of my communication means the other person cannot get my heart to be unkind, unloving, or disrespectful. Instead, I have made a decision about who I will be independent of the other person. I won’t blame my unkindness on someone else.

Wives, you never know: The way you handle this [conflict] might bring your husband not only back to you, but to God. Husbands, you never know: The way you handle this [conflict] might bring your wife not only back to you, but to God. (1 Corinthians 7:16)

When we speak before we think, we widen the chances the other person(s) will be notably hurt, frustrated, confused, angry, fearful, or offended by something we’ve communicated.

Fight like a loving man and a respectful woman. Fight fair.

You can be right in the argument, but wrong in your approach.

Be friendly. Be friendly. Be friendly. Watch what happens.

Feeling unloved, a wife gets defensive and acts offensively without respect. Feeling disrespected, a husband gets defensive and acts offensively without love.

Do you seek to understand or only to be understood?

In the ultimate sense, your marriage has nothing to do with your spouse. It has everything to do with your relationship to Jesus Christ.

Words of love from a husband are like good medicine that brings life to the marriage.

Respect for the husband is just as important as love for the wife.

When parents genuinely trust and follow the Lord and His ways, their faith spills over onto the children.

We have different vulnerabilities. We can pass judgment on one another all day long or we can say God made us different and that’s ok.

You must “ask God from the wealth of his glory to give you power through his Spirit to be strong in your inner selves.”

Marriage is a tool and a test to allow God’s will to be revealed in our lives.

As you pray together, you will truly learn to love and respect together.

We have discovered that as women motivate their man God’s way, men are energized to love them better. It doesn’t matter if your marriage is good or seems like there is no hope. We have seen God move in powerful ways even when things looked hopeless.

If you want your husband to express appreciation for your attempts to be respectful, you must speak thankfully when he tries to be loving.

Christian maturity involves a lot of things, but surely it includes knowing how to process your anger.

We are either going to give in the darkness or we are going to give into the darkness.

Both Judas and Peter denied Jesus Christ, but there is a huge difference between a Judas and a Peter.

The parent-child relationship is as easy, and as difficult, as love and respect.

She’ll feel at peace with you when you let her vent your frustrations and hurts and don’t get angry and close her off.

Since it is easy to focus on the negative, focus on your mate’s good qualities and express thanks with positive words of Love or Respect.

Thank the Lord that in the very beginning He created them male and female – Blue and Pink. Ask Him for patience and ever-growing understanding of how men and women see and hear differently. “He created them male and female, and He blessed them.” (Genesis 5:2)

The Lord made women (Pink) and men (Blue) with differences, and He expects us to recognize and deal with those differences in a loving and respectful way.

Unconditional respect, like unconditional love, is all about how one sounds (tone of voice and word choice) and appears (facial expressions and physical actions).

The more we are upset at something, the wiser it is to let twenty-four hours pass before responding.

Just because you may feel unloved or disrespected does not mean your spouse is sending that message.

Here is the secret to marriage that every couple seeks and yet few find: Unconditional respect is as powerful for him as unconditional love is for her. It’s the secret that will help you achieve a brand new level of intimacy.

When a wife feels unloved, it can be such a shock to her heart that she is oblivious to her disrespectful reactions toward her husband, though any man watching could see it plainly.

We must bring our identity in Christ to our parenting—we must not derive our identity from our children.

When a husband feels disrespected, he has a natural tendency to react in ways that feel unloving to his wife. (Perhaps the command to love was given to him precisely for this reason!) When a wife feels unloved, she has a natural tendency to react in ways that feel disrespectful to her husband. (Perhaps the command to respect was given to her precisely for this reason!)

Let the Lord change you, but don’t try to change each other.

Self-interest should never come ahead of your spouse’s interests.

We get on the Crazy Cycle because without love a wife reacts without respect, and without respect a husband reacts without love.

Don’t pressure yourself with perfection. We are going to fail. A righteous man falls 7 times but gets back up.

Just because you’re offended doesn’t mean the other person is offensive.

Your spouse deserves the truth from you. Do your best to tell it with love and respect.

Marriage is a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and your reverence for Jesus Christ.

As a wife, if you can start to understand how important your husband’s work is to him, you will take a giant step toward communicating respect and honor, two things that he values even more than your love.

You speak lovingly or respectfully no matter how your spouse may speak to you in return. Your spouse is not the reason--good or bad--why you speak unconditional words of love or respect. God is the reason, and as you depend on Him, you will become increasingly able to speak lovingly and respectfully to your spouse.

Often the apparent issue isn’t the real issue; the real issue is always a matter of love or respect.

Mutual submission is the only way to live fairly together with mutual authority.

Do you give yourself grace and your spouse judgment?

Your spouse has a need that you don’t have. Are you going to say there is something seriously wrong with them or will you say “Viva la Difference”?

Positive changes flood a relationship immediately when both husband and wife cancel the blame game!

You both forgive for one simple but profound reason: because you know Christ has forgiven you!

Suppressing negative feelings is not loving, respectful or very wise. Speak up tactfully.

We might say that every negative action in the family has an equal and opposite negative reaction.

Most marriages will succeed when obeying the command to Love and Respect.

He will feel appreciated when you recognize his problem-solving approach as his male brand of empathy.

God is not pink. God is not blue. God is purple. When two become one, they have the potential of displaying God’s attributes and character.

“With eyes of faith, envision Jesus standing just beyond the shoulder of your spouse and listening to every word you speak in every conversation, pleasant or tense. When you speak lovingly or respectfully to your spouse, you are speaking to Christ. Your spouse just happens to be there too.” This truth has sanctified the lips of many. Instead of giving their spouse a verbal whipping or choking on the idea of saying anything positive, now some spouses are motivated to speak words of unconditional love or respect.

Could you be facing a crisis in faith more than a crisis in your marriage?

Trusting and obeying God’s Word because we love and reverence God never, ever makes us a hypocrite! When the alarm goes off in the morning, we get up, even when we don’t feel like it getting up. Because we do what we don’t feel like doing, does that make us hypocrites? No, it’s a sign we are responsible people. Showing respectful behavior when we don’t “feel respectful” is evidence of maturity.

A marriage relationship will be energized when couples learn how to motivate each other God’s way.

Mistakes can’t be undone, but they can be forgiven.

The Love and Respect message is not about a husband earning his wife’s respect by being more loving any more than it is about a wife earning her husband’s love by being more respectful. Always love or respect is given unconditionally according to God’s commands.

Marital researchers agree that a huge percentage of communication problems between husband and wife are due not to what is said but to how it is said – the attitude and tone of voice.

When one of you makes a mistake, control any anger you may feel and trust God completely, no matter what happens.

Share what God is saying to your heart, not what you think He needs to say to your mate.

Ladies, be careful. “A nagging wife goes on and on like the drip, drip, drip of the rain” (Proverbs 19:13).

Always try to look at your spouse the way Jesus does.

The mature one in the marriage seldom moves second.

You cannot use unholy means to achieve a worthy end.

When confronting your spouse, attack the behavior, not the person.

“Living happily ever after” means knowing how to deal with the imperfect parts of life.

It’s so easy to dismiss our spouse as childish because we don’t have the same vulnerabilities they do.

A husband may deserve contempt, but that doesn’t win him any more than harshness and anger wins the heart of a woman.

The key to motivating another person is meeting their deepest need, especially during conflict.

Husbands primarily want to hear ‘respect” talk during conflict. Wives primarily want to hear “love” talk during conflict.

You may believe that the careless, unloving or disrespectful words you speak are because your spouse is causing you to speak this way, but Jesus says that it is coming out of your heart.

Recognize your different gifts--how each of you (Pink and Blue) functions according to God’s perfect design.

Accidental sparks (unwise remarks) ignite and fuel a fire, and vroom goes the Crazy Cycle.

No matter what your struggle- criticism, constant conflict, sex, money, parenting, harsh words- learning to communicate the Love and Respect way can help you make crucial changes and build the kind of relationship that God blesses.

If husbands and wives are to understand the Love and Respect Connection, they must realize that they communicate in code. And the problem is, they don’t know how to decipher the messages they send to one another.

When a husband chooses to do or say something loving, and that includes saying, ‘I’m sorry for coming across in an unloving way,’ he energizes his wife. When a wife decides to express herself respectfully, and that includes apologizing for her disrespectful attitude, she energizes her husband.

How we react to a situation reveals more about us than about the other person.

I had often asked God to compensate for my mistakes, but in return had I thought He would give me perfect children?

Husbands, to energize your wife give her face-to-face time, allowing her to talk and share her feelings.

Do you bow to the influence of Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?

There is a plan to parent God’s way, even when our children may seek to go their own way at time. The secret is to follow this plan regardless. When you do, I believe you succeed in His eyes.

Husbands, even Jesus Himself was asked by a woman, “Do you not care?” (Luke 10:40) When your wife accuses you of not caring, decode her deeper meaning.

God’s commands are there to help us, not to hinder us or hold us back as male and female.

In the ultimate sense you marriage has nothing to do with your spouse. It has everything to do with your relationship with Jesus Christ.

Trust God when the “why’s” of life threaten to overwhelm you.

Wives, to energize your husband do an activity with him, shoulder-to-shoulder, without talking.

Research and experience prove that men and women see and hear differently. Recognizing these differences and adjusting to them is absolutely necessary for reaching mutual understanding and better communication.

Your wife feels you are open with her when you discuss financial concerns, possible job changes or ideas for your future.

Whose voice are you listening to: Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?

Your marriage is a test of your devotion to Christ.

Before hitting send, ask yourself, "Have I listened carefully and understand the exact issue on the table?"

A parent needs to feel respected, especially during conflicts...A child need to feel loved, especially during disputes.

Will we decide how we see God based on our circumstances, or will we see our circumstances in light of how we view God?

Accentuate the positive and eliminate the negative with lots of love and respect in between.