Love and Respect Husband and Wife + Logo Mug Set

You cannot use unholy means to achieve a worthy end.

[Women], as you enter quiet dignity, not preaching at your husband or scolding him as though you were his mother, something happens in his soul as a male.

Parenting is a faith venture. As we parent “unto Christ” we reap God’s reward, “knowing that whatever good anyone does, he will receive the same from the Lord” (Eph. 6:8 NKJV)

Wives, to energize your husband do an activity with him, shoulder-to-shoulder, without talking.

The difference between successful couples and unsuccessful couples is that successful ones keep getting up and dealing with the issues.

When you look to God and His Word as your ultimate source of significance and security, you don’t demand that your spouse take that role in your life. And as you draw strength from the Lord individually, He draws you closer together as a couple.

It’s so easy to dismiss our spouse as childish because we don’t have the same vulnerabilities they do.

Do you bow to the influence of Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?

No matter how difficult your spouse may be at the moment, your spouse does not have control over your reaction; you do. You may be experiencing disappointment, frustration or anger, but you always have a choice. A wife can choose to be disrespectful or respectful. A husband can choose to be unloving or loving.

You can experience hurt, but it is your choice to hate.

Being a person who communicates what is true frequently demands tact, and at times it can feel like sidestepping land mines. It takes work to be both truthful and tactful.

When Jesus said “turn the other cheek,” He wasn’t saying to be passive wimps. He was teaching that physically people can control you but if you turn and give the other cheek, suddenly you’re in control and you’re making the choices.

Just because you’re offended doesn’t mean the other person is offensive.

Do you give yourself grace and your spouse judgment?

I often stress that one of the greatest rewards any persevering spouse can have is being a good example and influence on the children in the family.

No matter what your struggle- criticism, constant conflict, sex, money, parenting, harsh words- learning to communicate the Love and Respect way can help you make crucial changes and build the kind of relationship that God blesses.

Your marriage is really a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and reverence for your Lord.

Respect for the husband is just as important as love for the wife.

Whose voice are you listening to: Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?

When your wife comes to talk to you, listen to her. Realize she is coming to you because you matter more to her than anyone else. She has certain emotional needs and only you can meet them. Sometimes she may say things that don’t make sense to you and she is apt to misspeak and exaggerate when she is upset, but don’t put her down. Instead, listen to her heart. Give her a chance to express her concerns and, as she does so, don’t try to fix her. Don’t give her your solutions unless she asks for them.

God rewards your obedience to love and respect, even if your spouse does not respond!

Though the end can be worthy (to be loved and respected), when each uses unholy means (unloving and disrespectful words and actions), it will not achieve those ends. We must treat others as we expect them to treat us. To deny this makes us arrogant or fools, or both.

A major step toward a happy marriage is accepting differences and working them out with love and respect.

When we feel crippling discouragement by the sinful choices and outcomes of our kids, we must not let this permanently deter us from parenting God’s way.

Just because you may feel unloved or disrespected does not mean your spouse is sending that message.

Thank God for His forgiveness of your mistakes. In trying to be a loving man or a respectful woman, we blow it. Owning up to mistakes is never easy, but it is always the way to move forward. Take good care not to accuse your spouse of mistakes as you pray. Also, pray about any forgiving to be done in the family, any forgiveness that needs to be asked. Children may need forgiveness (and what about Mom and Dad?). “There is no one on earth who does what is right all the time and never makes a mistake.” (Ecclesiastes 7:20)

[Husbands] do you realize the power of just holding your wife’s hand?

Life is too short to fuss and fret over trivial irritations.

Words of wisdom for all husbands and wives are these: We easily see what is done to us before we see what we are doing to our mate.

Suppressing negative feelings is not loving, respectful or very wise. Speak up tactfully.

A husband may deserve contempt, but that doesn’t win him any more than harshness and anger wins the heart of a woman.

With a better understanding of God’s promises, you will be on your way to a renewed mind and a changed life.

Thank the Lord that in the very beginning He created them male and female – Blue and Pink. Ask Him for patience and ever-growing understanding of how men and women see and hear differently. “He created them male and female, and He blessed them.” (Genesis 5:2)

When you relinquish an offense, you need to send that offense somewhere. So follow Jesus’ example and release it to your heavenly Father.

As mature men, we need to take leadership and put this out on the table. We must acknowledge our feelings- we need to feel respected. However, as we do this we must acknowledge our wife’s feelings- she needs to feel loved!

You have to become proactive, rather than just trying to stop the reactive.

A wife has one driving need: to feel loved. When that need is met, she is happy. A husband has one driving need: to feel respected. When that need is met, he is happy. When either of these needs isn’t met, things get crazy with conflict.

To get offended is easy, but to forgive is within your power as you walk in His steps.

It is crucial for a husband and wife to see that neither one is wrong, but both of them are very different--in body function, outlook and perspective.

Accidental sparks (unwise remarks) ignite and fuel a fire, and vroom goes the Crazy Cycle.

When a wife asks, “Do you love me?” She is not trying to put her husband on the spot. She is simply looking for reassurance.

Always see your mate as an ally. Feedback is of little use if you see your spouse as an enemy. Giving and receiving constructive feedback is based on feelings of goodwill in both partners. Both of you need to remember that, even if you don’t always agree and even if you become irritated or angry, you are friends, and neither of you means to hurt the other.

Your hunger for God can create an appetite in your children.

Husbands, to energize your wife give her face-to-face time, allowing her to talk and share her feelings.

There is a plan to parent God’s way, even when our children may seek to go their own way at time. The secret is to follow this plan regardless. When you do, I believe you succeed in His eyes.

No one can really practice Love and Respect unless he or she does it as unto Jesus Christ.

Do you seek to understand or only to be understood?

As a husband, if you can grasp that you don’t always have to solve your wife’s problems, you will take a giant step toward showing her empathy and understanding.

Since it is easy to focus on the negative, focus on your mate’s good qualities and express thanks with positive words of Love or Respect.

Recognize your different gifts--how each of you (Pink and Blue) functions according to God’s perfect design.

Mistakes can’t be undone, but they can be forgiven.

Whether visiting a prison, feeding the hungry, giving the thirsty a drink or speaking a word of love or respect, everything is to be done to and for Christ.

Your spouse can affect you, but your spouse does not control you.

We have discovered that as women motivate their man God’s way, men are energized to love them better. It doesn’t matter if your marriage is good or seems like there is no hope. We have seen God move in powerful ways even when things looked hopeless.

We easily see what is done to us before we see what we are doing to our mate.

It is hard to be negative while being thankful.

“With eyes of faith, envision Jesus standing just beyond the shoulder of your spouse and listening to every word you speak in every conversation, pleasant or tense. When you speak lovingly or respectfully to your spouse, you are speaking to Christ. Your spouse just happens to be there too.” This truth has sanctified the lips of many. Instead of giving their spouse a verbal whipping or choking on the idea of saying anything positive, now some spouses are motivated to speak words of unconditional love or respect.

Refuse to let evil turn you into a contemptuous and hateful person.

Negative actions rarely produce positive results.

Words of Love or Respect must uplift your spouse, edifying- never manipulating him or her.

Your spouse deserves the truth from you. Do your best to tell it with love and respect.

The mature one in the marriage seldom moves second.

Positive changes flood a relationship immediately when both husband and wife cancel the blame game!

Often the apparent issue isn’t the real issue; the real issue is always a matter of love or respect.

[Husbands] the most powerful weapons you have are your ears. Just listen to your wife, and she is much more likely to feel understood.

Often both spouses have goodwill but are not deciphering each other’s code. She criticizes out of love, but he “hears” only disrespect. He distances himself to prevent feelings from escalating, which is the honorable thing to do, but she “sees” only his failure to be loving!

The Crazy Cycle is, indeed, “the evil of folly and the foolishness of madness” (Ecclesiastes 7:25).

Avoid like the plague trying to punish each other as a means of “motivation.” Christ-followers instinctively know that this destroys any opportunity to act out of reverence for Christ. In all marital issues, love and reverence for Christ must be our primary motivation.

Never give up. If you want to have a strong marriage, you need to accept temporary setbacks as part of the game.

We have different vulnerabilities. We can pass judgment on one another all day long or we can say God made us different and that’s ok.

Can you begin to trust that God feels love for you even when you don’t feel that love?

Accentuate the positive and eliminate the negative with lots of love and respect in between.

Thank the Lord for all the trouble-free moments in which you and your spouse enjoy Him, each other, your family, your ministry and life as a whole. Ask Him for the strength to accept your measure of trouble, and the wisdom to deal with the annoyances and irritations by loving and respecting each other with new commitment. (You may also want to pray about troubles at work, at church, with the children…) “But those who marry will have trouble in this life” (1 Corinthians 7:28)

The key to motivating another person is meeting their deepest need, especially during conflict.

[Women], your self-love cannot be derived from your husband’s love. It can affect it, but it does not determine it.

Men are solution oriented, they love to solve problems. They want to be helpful.

We can communicate the truth in the best of manners, but the person may be so insecure he or she can only react and attack like a wounded bear.

Don’t pressure yourself with perfection. We are going to fail. A righteous man falls 7 times but gets back up.

Husbands, even Jesus Himself was asked by a woman, “Do you not care?” (Luke 10:40) When your wife accuses you of not caring, decode her deeper meaning.

Marriage is a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and your reverence for Jesus Christ.

You both forgive for one simple but profound reason: because you know Christ has forgiven you!

Each of you must focus on what God is calling you to do toward your spouse. Do not focus on what you think God is calling your spouse to do toward you.

We are either going to give in the darkness or we are going to give into the darkness.

When a husband chooses to come across lovingly even though he feels disrespected, he can prevent the Crazy Cycle from spinning and possibly getting out of control.

Always try to look at your spouse the way Jesus does.

He will feel appreciated when you recognize his problem-solving approach as his male brand of empathy.

Husbands primarily want to hear ‘respect” talk during conflict. Wives primarily want to hear “love” talk during conflict.

Money squabbles don’t undermine love and respect; they simply reveal unloving and disrespectful attitudes, which are the real reason why a marriage can start to wobble on the Crazy Cycle.

A parent needs to feel respected, especially during conflicts...A child need to feel loved, especially during disputes.

Before hitting send, ask yourself, "Have I listened carefully and understand the exact issue on the table?"

Responding to offensive words or actions with your own offensive words and actions is damaging and unproductive.

We are equal but we are not the same.

I have concluded that those of us in the church who believe we have the Truth are not using the whole truth. A crucial part of God’s Word has been completely ignored, or perhaps simply gone unnoticed, when it has been there right under our noses the whole time! Many Christian spouses know Ephesians 5:33 and can at least paraphrase it. The Apostle Paul tells husbands to love their wives as much as they love themselves, and wives are to respect their husbands. But is anyone really listening? Perhaps the first step to better communication between husband and wife is to hear what God’s Word clearly says. --Emerson

Our trustworthiness rests on our truthfulness.

When you look to God and His Word as your ultimate source of significance and security, you don’t demand that your spouse take that role in your life. And as you draw strength from the Lord individually, He draws you closer together as a couple.

To stay the course in speaking words of Love and Respect, keep your heart in Scripture, trusting in and talking about His promises to help you.

Assume goodwill about the person you are in conflict with.

Your husband knows you value his friendship when you tell him you like him and you show it (he knows you love him, but he often wonders if you really like him).

When you’re truly Christ-centered, instead of child-centered, you will be a more effective parent in the long run.

Focus on the positive in the midst of the negative, and the Energizing Cycle will keep right on humming.