Love and Respect Husband and Wife + Logo Mug Set

Just because you may feel unloved or disrespected does not mean your spouse is sending that message.

As a wife, if you can start to understand how important your husband’s work is to him, you will take a giant step toward communicating respect and honor, two things that he values even more than your love.

The difference between successful couples and unsuccessful couples is that successful ones keep getting up and dealing with the issues.

You may believe that the careless, unloving or disrespectful words you speak are because your spouse is causing you to speak this way, but Jesus says that it is coming out of your heart.

A husband may deserve contempt, but that doesn’t win him any more than harshness and anger wins the heart of a woman.

Share what God is saying to your heart, not what you think He needs to say to your mate.

Marriage is a tool and a test to allow God’s will to be revealed in our lives.

When sorting out how to slow down the Crazy Cycle, it helps to remember that men are commanded to love because they don’t love naturally, and on the other side, women are commanded to respect because they don’t respect naturally.

Mutual submission is the only way to live fairly together with mutual authority.

Do you seek to understand or only to be understood?

Your spouse may meet many of your needs, but your deepest dependency should be on your Lord.

Responding to offensive words or actions with your own offensive words and actions is damaging and unproductive.

It is hard to be negative while being thankful.

Through Jesus and Peter, God set forth His standard for living in the unconditional dimension: choose to be loving even when the other person is not; do what is right regardless of the treatment you receive. I believe this standard applies directly to marriage. A husband who speaks lovingly to his disrespectful wife will be rewarded; and a wife who speaks respectfully to her unloving, not-worthy-of-respect husband will be rewarded. Whether you are husband or wife, the reward is what can keep you going in the midst of the craziness: knowing that God commends you, knowing that you have found his favor for your words and actions.

A wife has one driving need--to feel loved. When that need is met she is happy. A husband has one driving need--to feel respected. When that need is met he is happy. When either of these needs isn’t met, things get crazy. Love and Respect reveals why spouses react negatively to each other, and how they can deal with such conflict quickly, easily and biblically.

“With eyes of faith, envision Jesus standing just beyond the shoulder of your spouse and listening to every word you speak in every conversation, pleasant or tense. When you speak lovingly or respectfully to your spouse, you are speaking to Christ. Your spouse just happens to be there too.” This truth has sanctified the lips of many. Instead of giving their spouse a verbal whipping or choking on the idea of saying anything positive, now some spouses are motivated to speak words of unconditional love or respect.

Your spouse can affect you, but your spouse does not control you.

The Love and Respect message is not about a husband earning his wife’s respect by being more loving any more than it is about a wife earning her husband’s love by being more respectful. Always love or respect is given unconditionally according to God’s commands.

This is the Rewarded Cycle: His love blesses regardless of her respect and her respect blesses regardless of his love.

[Husbands] do you realize the power of just holding your wife’s hand?

When you come home after you have been apart, the first few moments of reconnecting will set the tone for the rest of the evening.

It’s so easy to dismiss our spouse as childish because we don’t have the same vulnerabilities they do.

Unconditional respect is as powerful to him as unconditional love is to her.

Wives, to energize your husband do an activity with him, shoulder-to-shoulder, without talking.

You cannot use unholy means to achieve a worthy end.

If you want your husband to express appreciation for your attempts to be respectful, you must speak thankfully when he tries to be loving.

Troubles over sex and money do not cause a marriage to go under. The lack of love and respect during conflict cause the marriage to go under.

When your wife comes to talk to you, listen to her. Realize she is coming to you because you matter more to her than anyone else. She has certain emotional needs and only you can meet them. Sometimes she may say things that don’t make sense to you and she is apt to misspeak and exaggerate when she is upset, but don’t put her down. Instead, listen to her heart. Give her a chance to express her concerns and, as she does so, don’t try to fix her. Don’t give her your solutions unless she asks for them.

The Crazy Cycle is, indeed “the evil of folly and the foolishness of madness” (Ecclesiastes 7:25)

Our research shows that couples who pray together are more apt to reap all kinds of benefits, including better and more frequent communication, going on “dates” more frequently and having sex more frequently.

Both Judas and Peter denied Jesus Christ, but there is a huge difference between a Judas and a Peter.

Trusting and obeying God’s Word because we love and reverence God never, ever makes us a hypocrite! When the alarm goes off in the morning, we get up, even when we don’t feel like it getting up. Because we do what we don’t feel like doing, does that make us hypocrites? No, it’s a sign we are responsible people. Showing respectful behavior when we don’t “feel respectful” is evidence of maturity.

Respect for the husband is just as important as love for the wife.

Focus on the positive in the midst of the negative, and the Energizing Cycle will keep right on humming.

“Living happily ever after” means knowing how to deal with the imperfect parts of life.

We can all have moments of anger, but this does not mean we have to lose control and sin.

It is crucial for a husband and wife to see that neither one is wrong, but both of them are very different--in body function, outlook and perspective.

Christian maturity involves a lot of things, but surely it includes knowing how to process your anger.

God rewards your obedience to love and respect, even if your spouse does not respond!

Your spouse can have a need that you don’t have and that’s okay.

Though the end can be worthy (to be loved and respected), when each uses unholy means (unloving and disrespectful words and actions), it will not achieve those ends. We must treat others as we expect them to treat us. To deny this makes us arrogant or fools, or both.

Thank the Lord for all the trouble-free moments in which you and your spouse enjoy Him, each other, your family, your ministry and life as a whole. Ask Him for the strength to accept your measure of trouble, and the wisdom to deal with the annoyances and irritations by loving and respecting each other with new commitment. (You may also want to pray about troubles at work, at church, with the children…) “But those who marry will have trouble in this life” (1 Corinthians 7:28)

As a husband, if you can grasp that you don’t always have to solve your wife’s problems, you will take a giant step toward showing her empathy and understanding.

We have different vulnerabilities. We can pass judgment on one another all day long or we can say God made us different and that’s ok.

Clearly, in the marriage, in the family and in the household, when you speak words of blessing, you are speaking to the Lord, and for this you will be rewarded.

The moment we cry to Him for help, He is already pleased. He gives us strength to love our children.

We get on the Crazy Cycle because without love a wife reacts without respect, and without respect a husband reacts without love.

A wife has one driving need: to feel loved. When that need is met, she is happy. A husband has one driving need: to feel respected. When that need is met, he is happy. When either of these needs isn’t met, things get crazy with conflict.

The Crazy Cycle is, indeed, “the evil of folly and the foolishness of madness” (Ecclesiastes 7:25).

If we subscribe to the belief that because we are equal we are the same, then we’re going to expect our spouse to respond the way we do.

He will feel appreciated when you recognize his problem-solving approach as his male brand of empathy.

Refuse to let evil turn you into a contemptuous and hateful person.

There is power and freedom that comes in understanding that no one can cause you to react in a certain way. It is your choice.

Marriage is a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and your reverence for Jesus Christ.

Don’t conclude that your spouse is wrong when he/she is seeking to do the right and righteous thing.

God designed the woman to love. He’s not going to command her to agape her husband when He created her to do that in the first place. God is not into redundancy.

You can experience hurt, but it is your choice to hate.

A marriage relationship will be energized when couples learn how to motivate each other God’s way.

It’s crucial to communicate with the right tone of voice and the right expression on your face.

No matter how difficult your spouse may be at the moment, your spouse does not have control over your reaction; you do. You may be experiencing disappointment, frustration, or anger, but you always have a choice.

We easily see what is done to us before we see what we are doing to our mate.

To get offended is easy, but to forgive is within your power as you walk in His steps.

We are worth Jesus to the Father.

God is not trying to trick you or mess with you. Trust that He wants to reveal Himself to you just as much as He wants to reveal Himself to the world.

When others do not respond to our communication, we need to look first at our communication style. Is the other person incapable of hearing what we have to say? Or are we abrupt, brusque, and curt?

Your wife will feel esteemed when you speak highly of her in front of others.

Do not live by the standards of Hollywood; trust what God says in His Holy Word.

She’s not wrong for not being male. He is not wrong for not being female. When you put pink and blue together, you get purple, the color of royalty; the color of God. Together, a husband and wife reflect God’s image.

When a husband feels disrespected, he has a natural tendency to react in ways that feel unloving to his wife. (Perhaps the command to love was given to him precisely for this reason!) When a wife feels unloved, she has a natural tendency to react in ways that feel disrespectful to her husband. (Perhaps the command to respect was given to her precisely for this reason!)

When Jesus said “turn the other cheek,” He wasn’t saying to be passive wimps. He was teaching that physically people can control you but if you turn and give the other cheek, suddenly you’re in control and you’re making the choices.

Often both spouses have goodwill but are not deciphering each other’s code. She criticizes out of love, but he “hears” only disrespect. He distances himself to prevent feelings from escalating, which is the honorable thing to do, but she “sees” only his failure to be loving!

Let the Lord change you, but don’t try to change each other.

In the ultimate sense, your marriage has nothing to do with your spouse. It has everything to do with your relationship to Jesus Christ.

A most significant point of this book is this: If what we think is true, kind, necessary, and clear, we need to have the courage to hit send. This isn’t about refraining from speaking; this is about speaking.

God’s commands are there to help us, not to hinder us or hold us back as male and female.

Parenting is a faith venture. As we parent “unto Christ” we reap God’s reward, “knowing that whatever good anyone does, he will receive the same from the Lord” (Eph. 6:8 NKJV)

Here is the secret to marriage that every couple seeks and yet few find: Unconditional respect is as powerful for him as unconditional love is for her. It’s the secret that will help you achieve a brand new level of intimacy.

Avoid like the plague trying to punish each other as a means of “motivation.” Christ-followers instinctively know that this destroys any opportunity to act out of reverence for Christ. In all marital issues, love and reverence for Christ must be our primary motivation.

Optimism or pessimism? It is always a choice, no matter what your natural temperament.

So I encourage every husband and wife to commit to the Jesus Way of Talking. Instead of allowing the stress of the situation to control you, you can say to yourself, “Because I love the Lord and I know that He rewards every good word, I am going to be truthful even if my spouse is not. I will also be uplifting, forgiving, thankful and scriptural in my speech because my ultimate goal is to please the Lord. Whatever my spouse’s weaknesses or bad habits might be, I will not let them cause me to sin with my lips.”

When you look to God and His Word as your ultimate source of significance and security, you don’t demand that your spouse take that role in your life. And as you draw strength from the Lord individually, He draws you closer together as a couple.

Words of love from a husband are like good medicine that brings life to the marriage.

Whether visiting a prison, feeding the hungry, giving the thirsty a drink or speaking a word of love or respect, everything is to be done to and for Christ.

I have concluded that those of us in the church who believe we have the Truth are not using the whole truth. A crucial part of God’s Word has been completely ignored, or perhaps simply gone unnoticed, when it has been there right under our noses the whole time! Many Christian spouses know Ephesians 5:33 and can at least paraphrase it. The Apostle Paul tells husbands to love their wives as much as they love themselves, and wives are to respect their husbands. But is anyone really listening? Perhaps the first step to better communication between husband and wife is to hear what God’s Word clearly says. --Emerson

Mistakes can’t be undone, but they can be forgiven.

Your husband knows you appreciate his desire to protect and provide when you praise his commitment to provide for you. You empathize when he reveals his male mindset about position, status, or rank at work.

We can communicate the truth in the best of manners, but the person may be so insecure he or she can only react and attack like a wounded bear.

[Husbands] the most powerful weapons you have are your ears. Just listen to your wife, and she is much more likely to feel understood.

Truth will carry its own weight if delivered respectfully and lovingly.

Do you understand that God feels compassion for you, no matter what you have done or what your circumstances may be?

Knowing my spouse will not be able to love or respect me perfectly, I commit to having a forgiving spirit so that I may never speak hatefully or contemptuously.

We all need love and respect equally. But, during conflict our felt needs are as different as pink is from blue.

You have two ears and one mouth; use them proportionately.

The more we are upset at something, the wiser it is to let twenty-four hours pass before responding.

You must distinguish between “I can’t” and “I won’t.”

When a husband feels disrespected, it is especially hard to love his wife. When a wife feels unloved, it is especially hard to respect her husband.

Do you bow to the influence of Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?

Be a part of the solution, not part of the problem.

Stay the course regardless of the child’s respect and obedience. This is the Family Rewarded Cycle: a parents love unto Christ regardless of the child.

One thing to remember in this culture is if we say something complimentary towards one gender, we aren’t saying something against the other.