Love and Respect Coaster (6) Set

A woman needs love like she needs air to breathe. A man needs respect like he needs air to breathe.

If a husband is commanded to agape- love his wife, then she truly needs love.

Marital researchers agree that a huge percentage of communication problems between husband and wife are due not to what is said but to how it is said – the attitude and tone of voice.

Money squabbles don’t undermine love and respect; they simply reveal unloving and disrespectful attitudes, which are the real reason why a marriage can start to wobble on the Crazy Cycle.

If a husband loves his wife as he should, she will feel honored and respected. If a wife respects her husband as she should, he will feel loved and appreciated. It’s a win-win.

Negative actions rarely produce positive results.

If we subscribe to the belief that because we are equal we are the same, then we’re going to expect our spouse to respond the way we do.

Clarifying is what you do before you step on your mate’s air hose and deflate his or her spirit. For example, you are having a typical conversation, but you can tell there is a misunderstanding. One of you isn’t being clear or isn’t hearing correctly. Then and there you clarify the misunderstanding before your spouse’s spirit deflates. You lovingly or respectfully clarify matters so that your spouse will not feel unloved or disrespected. The reason you take pains to clarify a seemingly small matter is to prevent the situation from becoming a love and respect issue that needs decoding. Clarifying is what you do to stay off the Crazy Cycle and keep positive, energetic feelings flowing between the two of you, to keep yourselves on the Energizing Cycle.

Christian maturity involves a lot of things, but surely it includes knowing how to process your anger.

When you love or respect unconditionally regardless of the outcome, you are following God and His will for you.

Unconditional respect means we confront their wrongdoings respectfully. We do not become uncivil because they are. Who they fail to be does not determine who we will be.

When we feel crippling discouragement by the sinful choices and outcomes of our kids, we must not let this permanently deter us from parenting God’s way.

Refuse to let evil turn you into a contemptuous and hateful person.

Optimism or pessimism? It is always a choice, no matter what your natural temperament.

Troubles over sex and money do not cause a marriage to go under. The lack of love and respect during conflict cause the marriage to go under.

We blame people for the bad things we do, but take credit for the good things we do.

We all need love and respect equally. But, during conflict our felt needs are as different as pink is from blue.

Do you give yourself grace and your spouse judgment?

A most significant point of this book is this: If what we think is true, kind, necessary, and clear, we need to have the courage to hit send. This isn’t about refraining from speaking; this is about speaking.

To build a lasting legacy, use proven wisdom that you glean from the Lord.

We have different vulnerabilities. We can pass judgment on one another all day long or we can say God made us different and that’s ok.

Mistakes can’t be undone, but they can be forgiven.

A man has a natural, inborn desire to go out and “conquer” the challenges of his world – to work and achieve.

Your wife will feel esteemed when you speak highly of her in front of others.

Assuming goodwill can be revolutionary in relationships.

If you are seeking positive change in your marriage, you will need to make a positive change in your attitude and actions.

We fool ourselves into thinking the other person causes us to be the way we are. They really don’t! But if we lock into that idea, we become helpless, hopeless victims.

When you relinquish an offense, you need to send that offense somewhere. So follow Jesus’ example and release it to your heavenly Father.

Thank God for His forgiveness of your mistakes. In trying to be a loving man or a respectful woman, we blow it. Owning up to mistakes is never easy, but it is always the way to move forward. Take good care not to accuse your spouse of mistakes as you pray. Also, pray about any forgiving to be done in the family, any forgiveness that needs to be asked. Children may need forgiveness (and what about Mom and Dad?). “There is no one on earth who does what is right all the time and never makes a mistake.” (Ecclesiastes 7:20)

As mature men, we need to take leadership and put this out on the table. We must acknowledge our feelings- we need to feel respected. However, as we do this we must acknowledge our wife’s feelings- she needs to feel loved!

How we react to a situation reveals more about us than about the other person.

“Respect is a man’s deepest value. I have had numerous men tell me, ‘I would rather live with a wife who respected me but did not love me than live with a wife who loved me but did not respect me.’ These men are not saying that they are indifferent to love. They know they need love, but they need to feel respected even more than they need to feel loved.“

His love motivates her respect. Her respect motivates his love.

You speak lovingly or respectfully no matter how your spouse may speak to you in return. Your spouse is not the reason--good or bad--why you speak unconditional words of love or respect. God is the reason, and as you depend on Him, you will become increasingly able to speak lovingly and respectfully to your spouse.

There is a discrepancy between who we want to be and see ourselves to be and how we actually sound in voice and writing. But with self-reflection and honesty, we can turn the corner and improve our communication. We need only evaluate what we are about to communicate.

You must distinguish between “I can’t” and “I won’t.”

You can be right in the argument, but wrong in your approach.

When a husband chooses to do or say something loving, and that includes saying, ‘I’m sorry for coming across in an unloving way,’ he energizes his wife. When a wife decides to express herself respectfully, and that includes apologizing for her disrespectful attitude, she energizes her husband.

Each of you must focus on what God is calling you to do toward your spouse. Do not focus on what you think God is calling your spouse to do toward you.

Responding to offensive words or actions with your own offensive words and actions is damaging and unproductive.

A wife has one driving need--to feel loved. When that need is met she is happy. A husband has one driving need--to feel respected. When that need is met he is happy. When either of these needs isn’t met, things get crazy. Love and Respect reveals why spouses react negatively to each other, and how they can deal with such conflict quickly, easily and biblically.

Your spouse may meet many of your needs, but your deepest dependency should be on your Lord.

You have two ears and one mouth; use them proportionately.

A strong woman of dignity puts on respect out of her love and reverence for Jesus Christ. She trusts that His word not only protects and empowers her, but also rewards her with incomprehensible eternal blessings.

When you look to God and His Word as your ultimate source of significance and security, you don’t demand that your spouse take that role in your life. And as you draw strength from the Lord individually, He draws you closer together as a couple.

She’ll feel at peace with you when you let her vent your frustrations and hurts and don’t get angry and close her off.

Both Judas and Peter denied Jesus Christ, but there is a huge difference between a Judas and a Peter.

The Crazy Cycle is, indeed “the evil of folly and the foolishness of madness” (Ecclesiastes 7:25)

In the ultimate sense, your marriage has nothing to do with your spouse. It has everything to do with your relationship to Jesus Christ.

The Love and Respect message is not about a husband earning his wife’s respect by being more loving any more than it is about a wife earning her husband’s love by being more respectful. Always love or respect is given unconditionally according to God’s commands.

Since it is easy to focus on the negative, focus on your mate’s good qualities and express thanks with positive words of Love or Respect.

The difference between successful couples and unsuccessful couples is that successful ones keep getting up and dealing with the issues.

She’s not wrong for not being male. He is not wrong for not being female. When you put pink and blue together, you get purple, the color of royalty; the color of God. Together, a husband and wife reflect God’s image.

Your spouse has a need only you can fill.

Focus on the positive in the midst of the negative, and the Energizing Cycle will keep right on humming.

It is hard to be negative while being thankful.

Your spouse deserves the truth from you. Do your best to tell it with love and respect.

When your wife comes to talk to you, listen to her. Realize she is coming to you because you matter more to her than anyone else. She has certain emotional needs and only you can meet them. Sometimes she may say things that don’t make sense to you and she is apt to misspeak and exaggerate when she is upset, but don’t put her down. Instead, listen to her heart. Give her a chance to express her concerns and, as she does so, don’t try to fix her. Don’t give her your solutions unless she asks for them.

Knowing my spouse will not be able to love or respect me perfectly, I commit to having a forgiving spirit so that I may never speak hatefully or contemptuously.

Often the apparent issue isn’t the real issue; the real issue is always a matter of love or respect.

When others do not respond to our communication, we need to look first at our communication style. Is the other person incapable of hearing what we have to say? Or are we abrupt, brusque, and curt?

No matter how difficult your spouse may be at the moment, your spouse does not have control over your reaction; you do. You may be experiencing disappointment, frustration or anger, but you always have a choice. A wife can choose to be disrespectful or respectful. A husband can choose to be unloving or loving.

When you come home after you have been apart, the first few moments of reconnecting will set the tone for the rest of the evening.

Most marriages will succeed when obeying the command to Love and Respect.

Before hitting send, ask yourself, "Have I listened carefully and understand the exact issue on the table?"

[Women], as you enter quiet dignity, not preaching at your husband or scolding him as though you were his mother, something happens in his soul as a male.

A parent needs to feel respected, especially during conflicts...A child need to feel loved, especially during disputes.

Assume goodwill about the person you are in conflict with.

Pink and Blue perceptions not only affect seeing, they affect hearing as well. Women hear with pink hearing aids and men hear with blue hearing aids. Even more important to understand as you and your spouse seek to gain better communication, you can hear the very same words, but each of you will hear different messages.

It is crucial for a husband and wife to see that neither one is wrong, but both of them are very different--in body function, outlook and perspective.

Be a part of the solution, not part of the problem.

With a better understanding of God’s promises, you will be on your way to a renewed mind and a changed life.

Above all trust God when the “whys” of life threaten to overwhelm you.

We are either going to give in the darkness or we are going to give into the darkness.

Mutual understanding, not communication, is the key to a healthy marriage relationship.

The key to motivating another person is meeting their deepest need, especially during conflict.

When you play the blame game your marriage never wins.

The parent-child relationship is as easy, and as difficult, as love and respect.

Don’t label each other as bad because you differ on how you solve your troubles.

Words of wisdom for all husbands and wives are these: We easily see what is done to us before we see what we are doing to our mate.

We have discovered that as women motivate their man God’s way, men are energized to love them better. It doesn’t matter if your marriage is good or seems like there is no hope. We have seen God move in powerful ways even when things looked hopeless.

You have to become proactive, rather than just trying to stop the reactive.

Avoid like the plague trying to punish each other as a means of “motivation.” Christ-followers instinctively know that this destroys any opportunity to act out of reverence for Christ. In all marital issues, love and reverence for Christ must be our primary motivation.

Fight like a loving man and a respectful woman. Fight fair.

“You can be right, but wrong at the top of your voice.”

Unconditional respect is as powerful to him as unconditional love is to her.

God designed the woman to love. He’s not going to command her to agape her husband when He created her to do that in the first place. God is not into redundancy.

No one can really practice Love and Respect unless he or she does it as unto Jesus Christ.

Feeling unloved, a wife gets defensive and acts offensively without respect. Feeling disrespected, a husband gets defensive and acts offensively without love.

Women give a report to build rapport. Men bond through shoulder-to-shoulder activities without talking.

Your husband knows you appreciate his desire to protect and provide when you praise his commitment to provide for you. You empathize when he reveals his male mindset about position, status, or rank at work.

[Husbands] do you realize the power of just holding your wife’s hand?

God rewards your obedience to love and respect, even if your spouse does not respond!

We are equal but we are not the same.

We get on the Crazy Cycle because without love a wife reacts without respect, and without respect a husband reacts without love.

When one of you makes a mistake, control any anger you may feel and trust God completely, no matter what happens.

If a husband chooses to be a peacemaker--taking the needs and concerns of his wife totally into account during any kind of argument or conflict--his wife will be motivated in turn to respond to his authority during stalemates.

When a wife insists that her husband earn her respect, she puts him in a lose-lose situation.

Do you believe that there is a God who really loves you and wants to help you?

Your hunger for God can create an appetite in your children.