Love and Respect Coaster (6) Set

Husbands primarily want to hear ‘respect” talk during conflict. Wives primarily want to hear “love” talk during conflict.

Trust God when the “why’s” of life threaten to overwhelm you.

When you love or respect unconditionally regardless of the outcome, you are following God and His will for you.

When you’re truly Christ-centered, instead of child-centered, you will be a more effective parent in the long run.

Recognize your different gifts--how each of you (Pink and Blue) functions according to God’s perfect design.

The Love and Respect message is not about a husband earning his wife’s respect by being more loving any more than it is about a wife earning her husband’s love by being more respectful. Always love or respect is given unconditionally according to God’s commands.

“With eyes of faith, envision Jesus standing just beyond the shoulder of your spouse and listening to every word you speak in every conversation, pleasant or tense. When you speak lovingly or respectfully to your spouse, you are speaking to Christ. Your spouse just happens to be there too.” This truth has sanctified the lips of many. Instead of giving their spouse a verbal whipping or choking on the idea of saying anything positive, now some spouses are motivated to speak words of unconditional love or respect.

A wife has one driving need: to feel loved. When that need is met, she is happy. A husband has one driving need: to feel respected. When that need is met, he is happy. When either of these needs isn’t met, things get crazy with conflict.

His love blesses regardless of her respect; her respect blesses regardless of his love.

Marriage is a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and your reverence for Jesus Christ.

No matter how difficult your spouse may be at the moment, your spouse does not have control over your reaction; you do. You may be experiencing disappointment, frustration or anger, but you always have a choice. A wife can choose to be disrespectful or respectful. A husband can choose to be unloving or loving.

It’s crucial to communicate with the right tone of voice and the right expression on your face.

Christian maturity involves a lot of things, but surely it includes knowing how to process your anger.

Refuse to let evil turn you into a contemptuous and hateful person.

Knowing my spouse will not be able to love or respect me perfectly, I commit to having a forgiving spirit so that I may never speak hatefully or contemptuously.

We are worth Jesus to the Father.

This is the Rewarded Cycle: His love blesses regardless of her respect and her respect blesses regardless of his love.

When a husband feels disrespected, he has a natural tendency to react in ways that feel unloving to his wife. (Perhaps the command to love was given to him precisely for this reason!) When a wife feels unloved, she has a natural tendency to react in ways that feel disrespectful to her husband. (Perhaps the command to respect was given to her precisely for this reason!)

You both forgive for one simple but profound reason: because you know Christ has forgiven you!

Love and Respect is a faith venture, not a formula.

No one can really practice Love and Respect unless he or she does it as unto Jesus Christ.

At the very bottom of things, in every case and in every conversation, you can do your marriage a huge favor by assuming she is seeking to feel loved or he is seeking to feel respected and give your spouse some grace!

If we subscribe to the belief that because we are equal we are the same, then we’re going to expect our spouse to respond the way we do.

Respect for the husband is just as important as love for the wife.

When the wife flatly says her husband will have to earn her respect before she gives him any, she leaves the husband in a lose-lose situation. Now he is responsible for both love and respect in the relationship. He must unconditionally love his wife and earn her respect.

Marriage is a test of how you unconditionally love and respect your spouse as you obey, honor, and please the Lord.

Just because you’re offended doesn’t mean the other person is offensive.

We might say that every negative action in the family has an equal and opposite negative reaction.

As mature men, we need to take leadership and put this out on the table. We must acknowledge our feelings- we need to feel respected. However, as we do this we must acknowledge our wife’s feelings- she needs to feel loved!

Getting married reveals, usually sooner than later, an incontestable fact: your spouse cannot possibly meet all your needs and desires

Be a part of the solution, not part of the problem.

Your position in Christ is what counts, not your less-than-perfect performance.

If a husband loves his wife as he should, she will feel honored and respected. If a wife respects her husband as she should, he will feel loved and appreciated. It’s a win-win.

You must “ask God from the wealth of his glory to give you power through his Spirit to be strong in your inner selves.”

He will feel appreciated when you disagree with him only in private and honor his authority in front of the kids.

Be quick to listen and understand and you have a much better chance of being understood.

The heart of my communication means the other person cannot get my heart to be unkind, unloving, or disrespectful. Instead, I have made a decision about who I will be independent of the other person. I won’t blame my unkindness on someone else.

Wives, you never know: The way you handle this [conflict] might bring your husband not only back to you, but to God. Husbands, you never know: The way you handle this [conflict] might bring your wife not only back to you, but to God. (1 Corinthians 7:16)

Ladies, be careful. “A nagging wife goes on and on like the drip, drip, drip of the rain” (Proverbs 19:13).

Both Judas and Peter denied Jesus Christ, but there is a huge difference between a Judas and a Peter.

Each of you must focus on what God is calling you to do toward your spouse. Do not focus on what you think God is calling your spouse to do toward you.

God’s commands are not burdensome, but are given to us to spare us from more pain. Why would God command you to do something that doesn’t work?

We all need to wrestle with the spiritual truth that God is good. If you don’t believe God is good, you won’t trust His word. If you don’t trust His word, you will find excuses to ignore His commands.

We can communicate the truth in the best of manners, but the person may be so insecure he or she can only react and attack like a wounded bear.

Do you bow to the influence of Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?

Responding to offensive words or actions with your own offensive words and actions is damaging and unproductive.

You have two ears and one mouth; use them proportionately.

When a husband chooses to do or say something loving, and that includes saying, ‘I’m sorry for coming across in an unloving way,’ he energizes his wife. When a wife decides to express herself respectfully, and that includes apologizing for her disrespectful attitude, she energizes her husband.

God is good and wants what is best for us.

Often both spouses have goodwill but are not deciphering each other’s code. She criticizes out of love, but he “hears” only disrespect. He distances himself to prevent feelings from escalating, which is the honorable thing to do, but she “sees” only his failure to be loving!

Your marriage is really a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and reverence for your Lord.

Mutual understanding, not communication, is the key to a healthy marriage relationship.

Your spouse can have a need that you don’t have and that’s okay.

In the ultimate sense you marriage has nothing to do with your spouse. It has everything to do with your relationship with Jesus Christ.

Do you seek to understand or only to be understood?

When evil comes at you, you’re the one who makes the choice of whether or not it is going to go into you.

Accentuate the positive and eliminate the negative with lots of love and respect in between.

Words of love from a husband are like good medicine that brings life to the marriage.

Don’t label each other as bad because you differ on how you solve your troubles.

So I encourage every husband and wife to commit to the Jesus Way of Talking. Instead of allowing the stress of the situation to control you, you can say to yourself, “Because I love the Lord and I know that He rewards every good word, I am going to be truthful even if my spouse is not. I will also be uplifting, forgiving, thankful and scriptural in my speech because my ultimate goal is to please the Lord. Whatever my spouse’s weaknesses or bad habits might be, I will not let them cause me to sin with my lips.”

His love motivates her respect. Her respect motivates his love.

You have to become proactive, rather than just trying to stop the reactive.

We blame people for the bad things we do, but take credit for the good things we do.

Pink and Blue perceptions not only affect seeing, they affect hearing as well. Women hear with pink hearing aids and men hear with blue hearing aids. Even more important to understand as you and your spouse seek to gain better communication, you can hear the very same words, but each of you will hear different messages.

There is a plan to parent God’s way, even when our children may seek to go their own way at time. The secret is to follow this plan regardless. When you do, I believe you succeed in His eyes.

Be friendly. Be friendly. Be friendly. Watch what happens.

God is not pink. God is not blue. God is purple. When two become one, they have the potential of displaying God’s attributes and character.

You speak lovingly or respectfully no matter how your spouse may speak to you in return. Your spouse is not the reason--good or bad--why you speak unconditional words of love or respect. God is the reason, and as you depend on Him, you will become increasingly able to speak lovingly and respectfully to your spouse.

When we speak before we think, we widen the chances the other person(s) will be notably hurt, frustrated, confused, angry, fearful, or offended by something we’ve communicated.

Your husband knows you appreciate his desire to protect and provide when you praise his commitment to provide for you. You empathize when he reveals his male mindset about position, status, or rank at work.

We send each other messages in “code” based on gender, even though we don’t intend to. What I say is not what you hear, and what you think you heard is not what I meant at all.

We easily see what is done to us before we see what we are doing to our mate.

Research and experience prove that men and women see and hear differently. Recognizing these differences and adjusting to them is absolutely necessary for reaching mutual understanding and better communication.

“Living happily ever after” means knowing how to deal with the imperfect parts of life.

One thing to remember in this culture is if we say something complimentary towards one gender, we aren’t saying something against the other.

Research shows that 70% of the couples who were extremely unhappy in their marriage, but hung in there and worked through the tough time, identified themselves as being very happy five years later.

To stay the course in speaking words of Love and Respect, keep your heart in Scripture, trusting in and talking about His promises to help you.

Life is too short to fuss and fret over trivial irritations.

Your hunger for God can create an appetite in your children.

Parenting is a faith venture. As we parent “unto Christ” we reap God’s reward, “knowing that whatever good anyone does, he will receive the same from the Lord” (Eph. 6:8 NKJV)

Truth will carry its own weight if delivered respectfully and lovingly.

She’ll feel at peace with you when you let her vent your frustrations and hurts and don’t get angry and close her off.

Since it is easy to focus on the negative, focus on your mate’s good qualities and express thanks with positive words of Love or Respect.

When a husband feels disrespected, it is especially hard to love his wife. When a wife feels unloved, it is especially hard to respect her husband.

Wives, to energize your husband do an activity with him, shoulder-to-shoulder, without talking.

You’re the only person in the world who can meet your spouse’s deepest need for love and respect. After all, you alone are married to your spouse.

Optimism or pessimism? It is always a choice, no matter what your natural temperament.

When a wife feels unloved, it can be such a shock to her heart that she is oblivious to her disrespectful reactions toward her husband, though any man watching could see it plainly.

When others do not respond to our communication, we need to look first at our communication style. Is the other person incapable of hearing what we have to say? Or are we abrupt, brusque, and curt?

When you look to God and His Word as your ultimate source of significance and security, you don’t demand that your spouse take that role in your life. And as you draw strength from the Lord individually, He draws you closer together as a couple.

[Husbands] the most powerful weapons you have are your ears. Just listen to your wife, and she is much more likely to feel understood.

Positive changes flood a relationship immediately when both husband and wife cancel the blame game!

With a better understanding of God’s promises, you will be on your way to a renewed mind and a changed life.

Accidental sparks (unwise remarks) ignite and fuel a fire, and vroom goes the Crazy Cycle.

Though the end can be worthy (to be loved and respected), when each uses unholy means (unloving and disrespectful words and actions), it will not achieve those ends. We must treat others as we expect them to treat us. To deny this makes us arrogant or fools, or both.

[Women], your self-love cannot be derived from your husband’s love. It can affect it, but it does not determine it.

When confronting your spouse, attack the behavior, not the person.

The Crazy Cycle is, indeed, “the evil of folly and the foolishness of madness” (Ecclesiastes 7:25).

You can be right but wrong at the top of your voice.

Women give a report to build rapport. Men bond through shoulder-to-shoulder activities without talking.