Love and Respect Coaster (6) Set

Always remember that Pink and Blue have different wiring, different preferences. Assume your spouse has goodwill toward you, no matter what. Both of you can be right, while being different.

The Crazy Cycle is, indeed, “the evil of folly and the foolishness of madness” (Ecclesiastes 7:25).

The mature one in the marriage seldom moves second.

Words of wisdom for all husbands and wives are these: We easily see what is done to us before we see what we are doing to our mate.

Do not live by the standards of Hollywood; trust what God says in His Holy Word.

God is not trying to trick you or mess with you. Trust that He wants to reveal Himself to you just as much as He wants to reveal Himself to the world.

We are either going to give in the darkness or we are going to give into the darkness.

Your spouse deserves the truth from you. Do your best to tell it with love and respect.

God is not pink. God is not blue. God is purple. When two become one, they have the potential of displaying God’s attributes and character.

Let the Lord change you, but don’t try to change each other.

You have two ears and one mouth; use them proportionately.

You both forgive for one simple but profound reason: because you know Christ has forgiven you!

Words of love from a husband are like good medicine that brings life to the marriage.

We have to step back as Christ followers and ask, “Do I have false expectations that my relationship should be romantic 99% of the time?”

We can all have moments of anger, but this does not mean we have to lose control and sin.

Do you give yourself grace and your spouse judgment?

When confronting your spouse, attack the behavior, not the person.

Unconditional respect, like unconditional love, is all about how one sounds (tone of voice and word choice) and appears (facial expressions and physical actions).

To get offended is easy, but to forgive is within your power as you walk in His steps.

Getting married reveals, usually sooner than later, an incontestable fact: your spouse cannot possibly meet all your needs and desires

His love blesses regardless of her respect; her respect blesses regardless of his love.

Share what God is saying to your heart, not what you think He needs to say to your mate.

Troubles over sex and money do not cause a marriage to go under. The lack of love and respect during conflict cause the marriage to go under.

We have different vulnerabilities. We can pass judgment on one another all day long or we can say God made us different and that’s ok.

Trust God when the “why’s” of life threaten to overwhelm you.

There is a discrepancy between who we want to be and see ourselves to be and how we actually sound in voice and writing. But with self-reflection and honesty, we can turn the corner and improve our communication. We need only evaluate what we are about to communicate.

We blame people for the bad things we do, but take credit for the good things we do.

You have to become proactive, rather than just trying to stop the reactive.

Though the end can be worthy (to be loved and respected), when each uses unholy means (unloving and disrespectful words and actions), it will not achieve those ends. We must treat others as we expect them to treat us. To deny this makes us arrogant or fools, or both.

Your husband knows you value his friendship when you tell him you like him and you show it (he knows you love him, but he often wonders if you really like him).

She’s not wrong for not being male. He is not wrong for not being female. When you put pink and blue together, you get purple, the color of royalty; the color of God. Together, a husband and wife reflect God’s image.

Marriage is a test of how you unconditionally love and respect your spouse as you obey, honor, and please the Lord.

If a husband loves his wife as he should, she will feel honored and respected. If a wife respects her husband as she should, he will feel loved and appreciated. It’s a win-win.

Love and Respect is a faith venture, not a formula.

We all need love and respect equally. But, during conflict our felt needs are as different as pink is from blue.

When you come home after you have been apart, the first few moments of reconnecting will set the tone for the rest of the evening.

Thank the Lord for all the trouble-free moments in which you and your spouse enjoy Him, each other, your family, your ministry and life as a whole. Ask Him for the strength to accept your measure of trouble, and the wisdom to deal with the annoyances and irritations by loving and respecting each other with new commitment. (You may also want to pray about troubles at work, at church, with the children…) “But those who marry will have trouble in this life” (1 Corinthians 7:28)

Positive changes flood a relationship immediately when both husband and wife cancel the blame game!

As a wife, if you can start to understand how important your husband’s work is to him, you will take a giant step toward communicating respect and honor, two things that he values even more than your love.

If husbands and wives are to understand the Love and Respect Connection, they must realize that they communicate in code. And the problem is, they don’t know how to decipher the messages they send to one another.

When sorting out how to slow down the Crazy Cycle, it helps to remember that men are commanded to love because they don’t love naturally, and on the other side, women are commanded to respect because they don’t respect naturally.

If a husband is commanded to agape- love his wife, then she truly needs love.

When we feel crippling discouragement by the sinful choices and outcomes of our kids, we must not let this permanently deter us from parenting God’s way.

Wives, to energize your husband do an activity with him, shoulder-to-shoulder, without talking.

Truth will carry its own weight if delivered respectfully and lovingly.

Research shows that 70% of the couples who were extremely unhappy in their marriage, but hung in there and worked through the tough time, identified themselves as being very happy five years later.

Marital researchers agree that a huge percentage of communication problems between husband and wife are due not to what is said but to how it is said – the attitude and tone of voice.

The Love and Respect message is not about a husband earning his wife’s respect by being more loving any more than it is about a wife earning her husband’s love by being more respectful. Always love or respect is given unconditionally according to God’s commands.

Assume goodwill about the person you are in conflict with.

He will feel appreciated when you disagree with him only in private and honor his authority in front of the kids.

A woman needs love like she needs air to breathe. A man needs respect like he needs air to breathe.

Just because you’re offended doesn’t mean the other person is offensive.

As mature men, we need to take leadership and put this out on the table. We must acknowledge our feelings- we need to feel respected. However, as we do this we must acknowledge our wife’s feelings- she needs to feel loved!

Our research shows that couples who pray together are more apt to reap all kinds of benefits, including better and more frequent communication, going on “dates” more frequently and having sex more frequently.

Feeling unloved, a wife gets defensive and acts offensively without respect. Feeling disrespected, a husband gets defensive and acts offensively without love.

Most marriages will succeed when obeying the command to Love and Respect.

Your wife will feel esteemed when you speak highly of her in front of others.

Be friendly. Be friendly. Be friendly. Watch what happens.

When Jesus said “turn the other cheek,” He wasn’t saying to be passive wimps. He was teaching that physically people can control you but if you turn and give the other cheek, suddenly you’re in control and you’re making the choices.

Your marriage is really a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and reverence for your Lord.

Focus on the positive in the midst of the negative, and the Energizing Cycle will keep right on humming.

We send each other messages in “code” based on gender, even though we don’t intend to. What I say is not what you hear, and what you think you heard is not what I meant at all.

Do you bow to the influence of Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?

When a wife asks, “Do you love me?” She is not trying to put her husband on the spot. She is simply looking for reassurance.

When the wife flatly says her husband will have to earn her respect before she gives him any, she leaves the husband in a lose-lose situation. Now he is responsible for both love and respect in the relationship. He must unconditionally love his wife and earn her respect.

If a husband chooses to be a peacemaker--taking the needs and concerns of his wife totally into account during any kind of argument or conflict--his wife will be motivated in turn to respond to his authority during stalemates.

Your spouse may meet many of your needs, but your deepest dependency should be on your Lord.

Do you seek to understand or only to be understood?

When a husband chooses to do or say something loving, and that includes saying, ‘I’m sorry for coming across in an unloving way,’ he energizes his wife. When a wife decides to express herself respectfully, and that includes apologizing for her disrespectful attitude, she energizes her husband.

I often stress that one of the greatest rewards any persevering spouse can have is being a good example and influence on the children in the family.

You can experience hurt, but it is your choice to hate.

Being a person who communicates what is true frequently demands tact, and at times it can feel like sidestepping land mines. It takes work to be both truthful and tactful.

No matter what your struggle- criticism, constant conflict, sex, money, parenting, harsh words- learning to communicate the Love and Respect way can help you make crucial changes and build the kind of relationship that God blesses.

We fool ourselves into thinking the other person causes us to be the way we are. They really don’t! But if we lock into that idea, we become helpless, hopeless victims.

Life is too short to fuss and fret over trivial irritations.

Christian maturity involves a lot of things, but surely it includes knowing how to process your anger.

Just because you may feel unloved or disrespected does not mean your spouse is sending that message.

Recognize your different gifts--how each of you (Pink and Blue) functions according to God’s perfect design.

Through Jesus and Peter, God set forth His standard for living in the unconditional dimension: choose to be loving even when the other person is not; do what is right regardless of the treatment you receive. I believe this standard applies directly to marriage. A husband who speaks lovingly to his disrespectful wife will be rewarded; and a wife who speaks respectfully to her unloving, not-worthy-of-respect husband will be rewarded. Whether you are husband or wife, the reward is what can keep you going in the midst of the craziness: knowing that God commends you, knowing that you have found his favor for your words and actions.

When one of you makes a mistake, control any anger you may feel and trust God completely, no matter what happens.

Whose voice are you listening to: Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?

The Crazy Cycle is, indeed “the evil of folly and the foolishness of madness” (Ecclesiastes 7:25)

Assuming goodwill can be revolutionary in relationships.

We can communicate the truth in the best of manners, but the person may be so insecure he or she can only react and attack like a wounded bear.

Avoid like the plague trying to punish each other as a means of “motivation.” Christ-followers instinctively know that this destroys any opportunity to act out of reverence for Christ. In all marital issues, love and reverence for Christ must be our primary motivation.

As strong and powerful as marriage bonds can become, our deepest dependency must be on the Lord, not another human being.

Men are solution oriented, they love to solve problems. They want to be helpful.

Marriage is a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and your reverence for Jesus Christ.

Optimism or pessimism? It is always a choice, no matter what your natural temperament.

Before hitting send, ask yourself, "Have I listened carefully and understand the exact issue on the table?"

Good intentions do not always produce good words or outcomes.

When parents genuinely trust and follow the Lord and His ways, their faith spills over onto the children.

Thank the Lord that in the very beginning He created them male and female – Blue and Pink. Ask Him for patience and ever-growing understanding of how men and women see and hear differently. “He created them male and female, and He blessed them.” (Genesis 5:2)

God’s commands are not burdensome, but are given to us to spare us from more pain. Why would God command you to do something that doesn’t work?

When you’re truly Christ-centered, instead of child-centered, you will be a more effective parent in the long run.

If we subscribe to the belief that because we are equal we are the same, then we’re going to expect our spouse to respond the way we do.

She’ll feel at peace with you when you let her vent your frustrations and hurts and don’t get angry and close her off.

You may believe that the careless, unloving or disrespectful words you speak are because your spouse is causing you to speak this way, but Jesus says that it is coming out of your heart.

So I encourage every husband and wife to commit to the Jesus Way of Talking. Instead of allowing the stress of the situation to control you, you can say to yourself, “Because I love the Lord and I know that He rewards every good word, I am going to be truthful even if my spouse is not. I will also be uplifting, forgiving, thankful and scriptural in my speech because my ultimate goal is to please the Lord. Whatever my spouse’s weaknesses or bad habits might be, I will not let them cause me to sin with my lips.”

Self-interest should never come ahead of your spouse’s interests.