Love and Respect Coaster (6) Set

One thing to remember in this culture is if we say something complimentary towards one gender, we aren’t saying something against the other.

The mature one in the marriage seldom moves second.

It is so easy to draw wrong conclusions about a spouse’s character and motives due to an occasional flare-up or silly comment.

Trusting and obeying God’s Word because we love and reverence God never, ever makes us a hypocrite! When the alarm goes off in the morning, we get up, even when we don’t feel like it getting up. Because we do what we don’t feel like doing, does that make us hypocrites? No, it’s a sign we are responsible people. Showing respectful behavior when we don’t “feel respectful” is evidence of maturity.

Do you understand that God feels compassion for you, no matter what you have done or what your circumstances may be?

When you come home after you have been apart, the first few moments of reconnecting will set the tone for the rest of the evening.

When you possess a forgiving spirit, words of Love and Respect will flow authentically from your lips- and realize that the Lord Himself is listening to you at moments like these. He knows you are not powerless, but actually full of power that He has granted you.

Through Jesus and Peter, God set forth His standard for living in the unconditional dimension: choose to be loving even when the other person is not; do what is right regardless of the treatment you receive. I believe this standard applies directly to marriage. A husband who speaks lovingly to his disrespectful wife will be rewarded; and a wife who speaks respectfully to her unloving, not-worthy-of-respect husband will be rewarded. Whether you are husband or wife, the reward is what can keep you going in the midst of the craziness: knowing that God commends you, knowing that you have found his favor for your words and actions.

Marriage is a test of how you unconditionally love and respect your spouse as you obey, honor, and please the Lord.

When parents genuinely trust and follow the Lord and His ways, their faith spills over onto the children.

We send each other messages in “code” based on gender, even though we don’t intend to. What I say is not what you hear, and what you think you heard is not what I meant at all.

To get offended is easy, but to forgive is within your power as you walk in His steps.

You both forgive for one simple but profound reason: because you know Christ has forgiven you!

Your spouse has a need that you don’t have. Are you going to say there is something seriously wrong with them or will you say “Viva la Difference”?

As you pray together, you will truly learn to love and respect together.

Be friendly. Be friendly. Be friendly. Watch what happens.

Do you give yourself grace and your spouse judgment?

Focus on the positive in the midst of the negative, and the Energizing Cycle will keep right on humming.

Since it is easy to focus on the negative, focus on your mate’s good qualities and express thanks with positive words of Love or Respect.

Thank the Lord for all the trouble-free moments in which you and your spouse enjoy Him, each other, your family, your ministry and life as a whole. Ask Him for the strength to accept your measure of trouble, and the wisdom to deal with the annoyances and irritations by loving and respecting each other with new commitment. (You may also want to pray about troubles at work, at church, with the children…) “But those who marry will have trouble in this life” (1 Corinthians 7:28)

We blame people for the bad things we do, but take credit for the good things we do.

She’ll feel at peace with you when you let her vent your frustrations and hurts and don’t get angry and close her off.

Words of Love and Respect must include thankfulness spoken to or about your spouse; don’t fixate on weaknesses and faults.

When a husband feels disrespected, he has a natural tendency to react in ways that feel unloving to his wife. (Perhaps the command to love was given to him precisely for this reason!) When a wife feels unloved, she has a natural tendency to react in ways that feel disrespectful to her husband. (Perhaps the command to respect was given to her precisely for this reason!)

Words of wisdom for all husbands and wives are these: We easily see what is done to us before we see what we are doing to our mate.

It’s crucial to communicate with the right tone of voice and the right expression on your face.

Often the apparent issue isn’t the real issue; the real issue is always a matter of love or respect.

The Crazy Cycle is, indeed “the evil of folly and the foolishness of madness” (Ecclesiastes 7:25)

Getting married reveals, usually sooner than later, an incontestable fact: your spouse cannot possibly meet all your needs and desires

When you play the blame game your marriage never wins.

When confronting your spouse, attack the behavior, not the person.

A marriage relationship will be energized when couples learn how to motivate each other God’s way.

Whose voice are you listening to: Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?

Be quick to listen and understand and you have a much better chance of being understood.

If a husband is commanded to agape- love his wife, then she truly needs love.

Before hitting send, ask yourself, "Have I listened carefully and understand the exact issue on the table?"

If you want your wife to express appreciation for your attempts to be loving, you must use thankful words when she tries to speak or act respectfully.

If we subscribe to the belief that because we are equal we are the same, then we’re going to expect our spouse to respond the way we do.

This is the Rewarded Cycle: His love blesses regardless of her respect and her respect blesses regardless of his love.

I have concluded that those of us in the church who believe we have the Truth are not using the whole truth. A crucial part of God’s Word has been completely ignored, or perhaps simply gone unnoticed, when it has been there right under our noses the whole time! Many Christian spouses know Ephesians 5:33 and can at least paraphrase it. The Apostle Paul tells husbands to love their wives as much as they love themselves, and wives are to respect their husbands. But is anyone really listening? Perhaps the first step to better communication between husband and wife is to hear what God’s Word clearly says. --Emerson

We are either going to give in the darkness or we are going to give into the darkness.

Mistakes can’t be undone, but they can be forgiven.

The parent-child relationship is as easy, and as difficult, as love and respect.

Always see your mate as an ally. Feedback is of little use if you see your spouse as an enemy. Giving and receiving constructive feedback is based on feelings of goodwill in both partners. Both of you need to remember that, even if you don’t always agree and even if you become irritated or angry, you are friends, and neither of you means to hurt the other.

A husband may deserve contempt, but that doesn’t win him any more than harshness and anger wins the heart of a woman.

[Women], as you enter quiet dignity, not preaching at your husband or scolding him as though you were his mother, something happens in his soul as a male.

Just because you may feel unloved or disrespected does not mean your spouse is sending that message.

Thank God for His forgiveness of your mistakes. In trying to be a loving man or a respectful woman, we blow it. Owning up to mistakes is never easy, but it is always the way to move forward. Take good care not to accuse your spouse of mistakes as you pray. Also, pray about any forgiving to be done in the family, any forgiveness that needs to be asked. Children may need forgiveness (and what about Mom and Dad?). “There is no one on earth who does what is right all the time and never makes a mistake.” (Ecclesiastes 7:20)

Unconditional respect means we confront their wrongdoings respectfully. We do not become uncivil because they are. Who they fail to be does not determine who we will be.

When you’re truly Christ-centered, instead of child-centered, you will be a more effective parent in the long run.

Clearly, in the marriage, in the family and in the household, when you speak words of blessing, you are speaking to the Lord, and for this you will be rewarded.

Your spouse may meet many of your needs, but your deepest dependency should be on your Lord.

To build a lasting legacy, use proven wisdom that you glean from the Lord.

Your hunger for God can create an appetite in your children.

Marriage is a tool and a test to allow God’s will to be revealed in our lives.

A wife has one driving need: to feel loved. When that need is met, she is happy. A husband has one driving need: to feel respected. When that need is met, he is happy. When either of these needs isn’t met, things get crazy with conflict.

Your spouse has a need only you can fill.

When we feel crippling discouragement by the sinful choices and outcomes of our kids, we must not let this permanently deter us from parenting God’s way.

As a husband, if you can grasp that you don’t always have to solve your wife’s problems, you will take a giant step toward showing her empathy and understanding.

It’s so easy to dismiss our spouse as childish because we don’t have the same vulnerabilities they do.

When one of you makes a mistake, control any anger you may feel and trust God completely, no matter what happens.

Husbands, even Jesus Himself was asked by a woman, “Do you not care?” (Luke 10:40) When your wife accuses you of not caring, decode her deeper meaning.

[Husbands] as the church places her burdens on Christ, so a woman needs to place her burdens on her husband. When she shares with you, don’t assume she is asking you to solve the problem. Ask your wife, “Do you want a solution or a listening ear?”

He will feel appreciated when you disagree with him only in private and honor his authority in front of the kids.

Being a person who communicates what is true frequently demands tact, and at times it can feel like sidestepping land mines. It takes work to be both truthful and tactful.

I often stress that one of the greatest rewards any persevering spouse can have is being a good example and influence on the children in the family.

It is hard to be negative while being thankful.

Will we decide how we see God based on our circumstances, or will we see our circumstances in light of how we view God?

No matter how difficult your spouse may be at the moment, your spouse does not have control over your reaction; you do. You may be experiencing disappointment, frustration, or anger, but you always have a choice.

You can be right in the argument, but wrong in your approach.

Don’t label each other as bad because you differ on how you solve your troubles.

“Living happily ever after” means knowing how to deal with the imperfect parts of life.

You must “ask God from the wealth of his glory to give you power through his Spirit to be strong in your inner selves.”

We get on the Crazy Cycle because without love a wife reacts without respect, and without respect a husband reacts without love.

When a wife feels unloved, it can be such a shock to her heart that she is oblivious to her disrespectful reactions toward her husband, though any man watching could see it plainly.

The woman absolutely needs love, and the man absolutely needs respect. It’s as simple- and as difficult- as that.

In the ultimate sense you marriage has nothing to do with your spouse. It has everything to do with your relationship with Jesus Christ.

Share what God is saying to your heart, not what you think He needs to say to your mate.

We have to step back as Christ followers and ask, “Do I have false expectations that my relationship should be romantic 99% of the time?”

Positive changes flood a relationship immediately when both husband and wife cancel the blame game!

It’s true that women have intuition and that men should listen to them. It’s also true that women have blind spots and need the insight of their husbands.

You speak lovingly or respectfully no matter how your spouse may speak to you in return. Your spouse is not the reason--good or bad--why you speak unconditional words of love or respect. God is the reason, and as you depend on Him, you will become increasingly able to speak lovingly and respectfully to your spouse.

How we react to a situation reveals more about us than about the other person.

When a wife asks, “Do you love me?” She is not trying to put her husband on the spot. She is simply looking for reassurance.

Our research shows that couples who pray together are more apt to reap all kinds of benefits, including better and more frequent communication, going on “dates” more frequently and having sex more frequently.

The Love and Respect message is not about a husband earning his wife’s respect by being more loving any more than it is about a wife earning her husband’s love by being more respectful. Always love or respect is given unconditionally according to God’s commands.

You must distinguish between “I can’t” and “I won’t.”

Don’t conclude that your spouse is wrong when he/she is seeking to do the right and righteous thing.

To stay the course in speaking words of Love and Respect, keep your heart in Scripture, trusting in and talking about His promises to help you.

You have to become proactive, rather than just trying to stop the reactive.

We are worth Jesus to the Father.

Never give up. If you want to have a strong marriage, you need to accept temporary setbacks as part of the game.

Husbands primarily want to hear ‘respect” talk during conflict. Wives primarily want to hear “love” talk during conflict.

Your husband knows you value his friendship when you tell him you like him and you show it (he knows you love him, but he often wonders if you really like him).

[Women], your self-love cannot be derived from your husband’s love. It can affect it, but it does not determine it.

Thank God for joining you together and for allowing you to trust Him to help you, whatever the issue. God is there for you and expects you to look to Him to keep you together as a team, so ask Him for His help in the smallest of concerns. “So they are no longer two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate.” (Matthew 19:6)

Research shows that 70% of the couples who were extremely unhappy in their marriage, but hung in there and worked through the tough time, identified themselves as being very happy five years later.

Assume goodwill about the person you are in conflict with.

Here is the secret to marriage that every couple seeks and yet few find: Unconditional respect is as powerful for him as unconditional love is for her. It’s the secret that will help you achieve a brand new level of intimacy.

Good intentions do not always produce good words or outcomes.