Love and Respect Coaster (6) Set

Often both spouses have goodwill but are not deciphering each other’s code. She criticizes out of love, but he “hears” only disrespect. He distances himself to prevent feelings from escalating, which is the honorable thing to do, but she “sees” only his failure to be loving!

Don’t pressure yourself with perfection. We are going to fail. A righteous man falls 7 times but gets back up.

Whether visiting a prison, feeding the hungry, giving the thirsty a drink or speaking a word of love or respect, everything is to be done to and for Christ.

Always see your mate as an ally. Feedback is of little use if you see your spouse as an enemy. Giving and receiving constructive feedback is based on feelings of goodwill in both partners. Both of you need to remember that, even if you don’t always agree and even if you become irritated or angry, you are friends, and neither of you means to hurt the other.

I have concluded that those of us in the church who believe we have the Truth are not using the whole truth. A crucial part of God’s Word has been completely ignored, or perhaps simply gone unnoticed, when it has been there right under our noses the whole time! Many Christian spouses know Ephesians 5:33 and can at least paraphrase it. The Apostle Paul tells husbands to love their wives as much as they love themselves, and wives are to respect their husbands. But is anyone really listening? Perhaps the first step to better communication between husband and wife is to hear what God’s Word clearly says. --Emerson

To stay the course in speaking words of Love and Respect, keep your heart in Scripture, trusting in and talking about His promises to help you.

Your position in Christ is what counts, not your less-than-perfect performance.

Respect for the husband is just as important as love for the wife.

Often the apparent issue isn’t the real issue; the real issue is always a matter of love or respect.

Marriage is a tool and a test to allow God’s will to be revealed in our lives.

Do you understand that God feels compassion for you, no matter what you have done or what your circumstances may be?

We must bring our identity in Christ to our parenting—we must not derive our identity from our children.

Mistakes can’t be undone, but they can be forgiven.

Your spouse has a need that you don’t have. Are you going to say there is something seriously wrong with them or will you say “Viva la Difference”?

A husband may deserve contempt, but that doesn’t win him any more than harshness and anger wins the heart of a woman.

Words of love from a husband are like good medicine that brings life to the marriage.

Responding to offensive words or actions with your own offensive words and actions is damaging and unproductive.

When evil comes at you, you’re the one who makes the choice of whether or not it is going to go into you.

In your marriage be the first to “seek peace and pursue it” (1 Peter 3:11)

When we feel crippling discouragement by the sinful choices and outcomes of our kids, we must not let this permanently deter us from parenting God’s way.

We easily see what is done to us before we see what we are doing to our mate.

You may believe that the careless, unloving or disrespectful words you speak are because your spouse is causing you to speak this way, but Jesus says that it is coming out of your heart.

You have two ears and one mouth; use them proportionately.

Being a person who communicates what is true frequently demands tact, and at times it can feel like sidestepping land mines. It takes work to be both truthful and tactful.

Accentuate the positive and eliminate the negative with lots of love and respect in between.

The more we are upset at something, the wiser it is to let twenty-four hours pass before responding.

His love blesses regardless of her respect; her respect blesses regardless of his love.

Suppressing negative feelings is not loving, respectful or very wise. Speak up tactfully.

The Love and Respect message is not about a husband earning his wife’s respect by being more loving any more than it is about a wife earning her husband’s love by being more respectful. Always love or respect is given unconditionally according to God’s commands.

When you look to God and His Word as your ultimate source of significance and security, you don’t demand that your spouse take that role in your life. And as you draw strength from the Lord individually, He draws you closer together as a couple.

Women give a report to build rapport. Men bond through shoulder-to-shoulder activities without talking.

A woman needs love like she needs air to breathe. A man needs respect like he needs air to breathe.

Through Jesus and Peter, God set forth His standard for living in the unconditional dimension: choose to be loving even when the other person is not; do what is right regardless of the treatment you receive. I believe this standard applies directly to marriage. A husband who speaks lovingly to his disrespectful wife will be rewarded; and a wife who speaks respectfully to her unloving, not-worthy-of-respect husband will be rewarded. Whether you are husband or wife, the reward is what can keep you going in the midst of the craziness: knowing that God commends you, knowing that you have found his favor for your words and actions.

Wives, to energize your husband do an activity with him, shoulder-to-shoulder, without talking.

It is so easy to draw wrong conclusions about a spouse’s character and motives due to an occasional flare-up or silly comment.

“With eyes of faith, envision Jesus standing just beyond the shoulder of your spouse and listening to every word you speak in every conversation, pleasant or tense. When you speak lovingly or respectfully to your spouse, you are speaking to Christ. Your spouse just happens to be there too.” This truth has sanctified the lips of many. Instead of giving their spouse a verbal whipping or choking on the idea of saying anything positive, now some spouses are motivated to speak words of unconditional love or respect.

A major step toward a happy marriage is accepting differences and working them out with love and respect.

There is a plan to parent God’s way, even when our children may seek to go their own way at time. The secret is to follow this plan regardless. When you do, I believe you succeed in His eyes.

There is power and freedom that comes in understanding that no one can cause you to react in a certain way. It is your choice.

If you want your husband to express appreciation for your attempts to be respectful, you must speak thankfully when he tries to be loving.

You can experience hurt, but it is your choice to hate.

If a husband chooses to be a peacemaker--taking the needs and concerns of his wife totally into account during any kind of argument or conflict--his wife will be motivated in turn to respond to his authority during stalemates.

The Crazy Cycle is, indeed “the evil of folly and the foolishness of madness” (Ecclesiastes 7:25)

I had often asked God to compensate for my mistakes, but in return had I thought He would give me perfect children?

Getting married reveals, usually sooner than later, an incontestable fact: your spouse cannot possibly meet all your needs and desires

Mutual understanding, not communication, is the key to a healthy marriage relationship.

If you want your wife to express appreciation for your attempts to be loving, you must use thankful words when she tries to speak or act respectfully.

You must distinguish between “I can’t” and “I won’t.”

“Living happily ever after” means knowing how to deal with the imperfect parts of life.

We have discovered that as women motivate their man God’s way, men are energized to love them better. It doesn’t matter if your marriage is good or seems like there is no hope. We have seen God move in powerful ways even when things looked hopeless.

A most significant point of this book is this: If what we think is true, kind, necessary, and clear, we need to have the courage to hit send. This isn’t about refraining from speaking; this is about speaking.

Never give up. If you want to have a strong marriage, you need to accept temporary setbacks as part of the game.

We fool ourselves into thinking the other person causes us to be the way we are. They really don’t! But if we lock into that idea, we become helpless, hopeless victims.

To not forgive is to shoot yourself in the foot and put extra gas in the Crazy Cycle.

No matter how difficult your spouse may be at the moment, your spouse does not have control over your reaction; you do. You may be experiencing disappointment, frustration, or anger, but you always have a choice.

[Women], as you enter quiet dignity, not preaching at your husband or scolding him as though you were his mother, something happens in his soul as a male.

In the ultimate sense, your marriage has nothing to do with your spouse. It has everything to do with your relationship to Jesus Christ.

Your husband knows you appreciate his desire to protect and provide when you praise his commitment to provide for you. You empathize when he reveals his male mindset about position, status, or rank at work.

No matter how difficult your spouse may be at the moment, your spouse does not have control over your reaction; you do. You may be experiencing disappointment, frustration or anger, but you always have a choice. A wife can choose to be disrespectful or respectful. A husband can choose to be unloving or loving.

We all need to wrestle with the spiritual truth that God is good. If you don’t believe God is good, you won’t trust His word. If you don’t trust His word, you will find excuses to ignore His commands.

Do you bow to the influence of Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?

We can communicate the truth in the best of manners, but the person may be so insecure he or she can only react and attack like a wounded bear.

[Husbands] as the church places her burdens on Christ, so a woman needs to place her burdens on her husband. When she shares with you, don’t assume she is asking you to solve the problem. Ask your wife, “Do you want a solution or a listening ear?”

When the wife flatly says her husband will have to earn her respect before she gives him any, she leaves the husband in a lose-lose situation. Now he is responsible for both love and respect in the relationship. He must unconditionally love his wife and earn her respect.

We have to step back as Christ followers and ask, “Do I have false expectations that my relationship should be romantic 99% of the time?”

Be a part of the solution, not part of the problem.

When a wife feels unloved, it can be such a shock to her heart that she is oblivious to her disrespectful reactions toward her husband, though any man watching could see it plainly.

When one of you makes a mistake, control any anger you may feel and trust God completely, no matter what happens.

You must “ask God from the wealth of his glory to give you power through his Spirit to be strong in your inner selves.”

Clearly, in the marriage, in the family and in the household, when you speak words of blessing, you are speaking to the Lord, and for this you will be rewarded.

Do you seek to understand or only to be understood?

Money squabbles don’t undermine love and respect; they simply reveal unloving and disrespectful attitudes, which are the real reason why a marriage can start to wobble on the Crazy Cycle.

One thing to remember in this culture is if we say something complimentary towards one gender, we aren’t saying something against the other.

Marriage is a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and your reverence for Jesus Christ.

In the ultimate sense you marriage has nothing to do with your spouse. It has everything to do with your relationship with Jesus Christ.

Truth will carry its own weight if delivered respectfully and lovingly.

You’re the only person in the world who can meet your spouse’s deepest need for love and respect. After all, you alone are married to your spouse.

So I encourage every husband and wife to commit to the Jesus Way of Talking. Instead of allowing the stress of the situation to control you, you can say to yourself, “Because I love the Lord and I know that He rewards every good word, I am going to be truthful even if my spouse is not. I will also be uplifting, forgiving, thankful and scriptural in my speech because my ultimate goal is to please the Lord. Whatever my spouse’s weaknesses or bad habits might be, I will not let them cause me to sin with my lips.”

How we react to a situation reveals more about us than about the other person.

It is hard to be negative while being thankful.

God rewards your obedience to love and respect, even if your spouse does not respond!

Recognize your different gifts--how each of you (Pink and Blue) functions according to God’s perfect design.

Before hitting send, ask yourself, "Have I listened carefully and understand the exact issue on the table?"

Be quick to listen and understand and you have a much better chance of being understood.

God’s commands are there to help us, not to hinder us or hold us back as male and female.

Mutual submission is the only way to live fairly together with mutual authority.

As you pray together, you will truly learn to love and respect together.

Your marriage is really a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and reverence for your Lord.

Always remember that Pink and Blue have different wiring, different preferences. Assume your spouse has goodwill toward you, no matter what. Both of you can be right, while being different.

Love and Respect is a faith venture, not a formula.

The heart of my communication means the other person cannot get my heart to be unkind, unloving, or disrespectful. Instead, I have made a decision about who I will be independent of the other person. I won’t blame my unkindness on someone else.

We have different vulnerabilities. We can pass judgment on one another all day long or we can say God made us different and that’s ok.

Marital researchers agree that a huge percentage of communication problems between husband and wife are due not to what is said but to how it is said – the attitude and tone of voice.

Just because you may feel unloved or disrespected does not mean your spouse is sending that message.

Every marriage includes trouble some of the time. Do not let the 20% leaven all the rest.

Words of wisdom for all husbands and wives are these: We easily see what is done to us before we see what we are doing to our mate.

God’s commands are not burdensome, but are given to us to spare us from more pain. Why would God command you to do something that doesn’t work?

Can you begin to trust that God feels love for you even when you don’t feel that love?

Your spouse can have a need that you don’t have and that’s okay.

The Crazy Cycle is, indeed, “the evil of folly and the foolishness of madness” (Ecclesiastes 7:25).