Love and Respect Coaster (6) Set

Thank the Lord that in the very beginning He created them male and female – Blue and Pink. Ask Him for patience and ever-growing understanding of how men and women see and hear differently. “He created them male and female, and He blessed them.” (Genesis 5:2)

So I encourage every husband and wife to commit to the Jesus Way of Talking. Instead of allowing the stress of the situation to control you, you can say to yourself, “Because I love the Lord and I know that He rewards every good word, I am going to be truthful even if my spouse is not. I will also be uplifting, forgiving, thankful and scriptural in my speech because my ultimate goal is to please the Lord. Whatever my spouse’s weaknesses or bad habits might be, I will not let them cause me to sin with my lips.”

His love blesses regardless of her respect; her respect blesses regardless of his love.

We all need to wrestle with the spiritual truth that God is good. If you don’t believe God is good, you won’t trust His word. If you don’t trust His word, you will find excuses to ignore His commands.

We have discovered that as women motivate their man God’s way, men are energized to love them better. It doesn’t matter if your marriage is good or seems like there is no hope. We have seen God move in powerful ways even when things looked hopeless.

As you pray together, you will truly learn to love and respect together.

In the ultimate sense you marriage has nothing to do with your spouse. It has everything to do with your relationship with Jesus Christ.

A husband may deserve contempt, but that doesn’t win him any more than harshness and anger wins the heart of a woman.

This is the Rewarded Cycle: His love blesses regardless of her respect and her respect blesses regardless of his love.

Your wife will feel esteemed when you speak highly of her in front of others.

God’s commands are not burdensome, but are given to us to spare us from more pain. Why would God command you to do something that doesn’t work?

Each of you must focus on what God is calling you to do toward your spouse. Do not focus on what you think God is calling your spouse to do toward you.

To not forgive is to shoot yourself in the foot and put extra gas in the Crazy Cycle.

Don’t conclude that your spouse is wrong when he/she is seeking to do the right and righteous thing.

I had often asked God to compensate for my mistakes, but in return had I thought He would give me perfect children?

A major step toward a happy marriage is accepting differences and working them out with love and respect.

When we speak before we think, we widen the chances the other person(s) will be notably hurt, frustrated, confused, angry, fearful, or offended by something we’ve communicated.

A man has a natural, inborn desire to go out and “conquer” the challenges of his world – to work and achieve.

When parents genuinely trust and follow the Lord and His ways, their faith spills over onto the children.

Don’t label each other as bad because you differ on how you solve your troubles.

We might say that every negative action in the family has an equal and opposite negative reaction.

Husbands primarily want to hear ‘respect” talk during conflict. Wives primarily want to hear “love” talk during conflict.

Your marriage is really a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and reverence for your Lord.

The woman absolutely needs love, and the man absolutely needs respect. It’s as simple- and as difficult- as that.

Don’t pressure yourself with perfection. We are going to fail. A righteous man falls 7 times but gets back up.

Trusting and obeying God’s Word because we love and reverence God never, ever makes us a hypocrite! When the alarm goes off in the morning, we get up, even when we don’t feel like it getting up. Because we do what we don’t feel like doing, does that make us hypocrites? No, it’s a sign we are responsible people. Showing respectful behavior when we don’t “feel respectful” is evidence of maturity.

When confronting your spouse, attack the behavior, not the person.

Above all trust God when the “whys” of life threaten to overwhelm you.

Thank God for joining you together and for allowing you to trust Him to help you, whatever the issue. God is there for you and expects you to look to Him to keep you together as a team, so ask Him for His help in the smallest of concerns. “So they are no longer two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate.” (Matthew 19:6)

To stay the course in speaking words of Love and Respect, keep your heart in Scripture, trusting in and talking about His promises to help you.

Wives, to energize your husband do an activity with him, shoulder-to-shoulder, without talking.

You can be right in the argument, but wrong in your approach.

If you want your husband to express appreciation for your attempts to be respectful, you must speak thankfully when he tries to be loving.

You speak lovingly or respectfully no matter how your spouse may speak to you in return. Your spouse is not the reason--good or bad--why you speak unconditional words of love or respect. God is the reason, and as you depend on Him, you will become increasingly able to speak lovingly and respectfully to your spouse.

No matter how difficult your spouse may be at the moment, your spouse does not have control over your reaction; you do. You may be experiencing disappointment, frustration or anger, but you always have a choice. A wife can choose to be disrespectful or respectful. A husband can choose to be unloving or loving.

Be a part of the solution, not part of the problem.

We all need love and respect equally. But, during conflict our felt needs are as different as pink is from blue.

You must “ask God from the wealth of his glory to give you power through his Spirit to be strong in your inner selves.”

Your husband knows you value his friendship when you tell him you like him and you show it (he knows you love him, but he often wonders if you really like him).

We have to step back as Christ followers and ask, “Do I have false expectations that my relationship should be romantic 99% of the time?”

To get offended is easy, but to forgive is within your power as you walk in His steps.

When you’re truly Christ-centered, instead of child-centered, you will be a more effective parent in the long run.

Your spouse has a need that you don’t have. Are you going to say there is something seriously wrong with them or will you say “Viva la Difference”?

“You can be right, but wrong at the top of your voice.”

Our trustworthiness rests on our truthfulness.

We blame people for the bad things we do, but take credit for the good things we do.

Ladies, be careful. “A nagging wife goes on and on like the drip, drip, drip of the rain” (Proverbs 19:13).

Thank the Lord for all the trouble-free moments in which you and your spouse enjoy Him, each other, your family, your ministry and life as a whole. Ask Him for the strength to accept your measure of trouble, and the wisdom to deal with the annoyances and irritations by loving and respecting each other with new commitment. (You may also want to pray about troubles at work, at church, with the children…) “But those who marry will have trouble in this life” (1 Corinthians 7:28)

The Crazy Cycle is, indeed, “the evil of folly and the foolishness of madness” (Ecclesiastes 7:25).

Words of Love and Respect must include thankfulness spoken to or about your spouse; don’t fixate on weaknesses and faults.

Your marriage is a test of your devotion to Christ.

Women give a report to build rapport. Men bond through shoulder-to-shoulder activities without talking.

We can all have moments of anger, but this does not mean we have to lose control and sin.

You cannot use unholy means to achieve a worthy end.

When sorting out how to slow down the Crazy Cycle, it helps to remember that men are commanded to love because they don’t love naturally, and on the other side, women are commanded to respect because they don’t respect naturally.

Most marriages will succeed when obeying the command to Love and Respect.

Positive changes flood a relationship immediately when both husband and wife cancel the blame game!

Being a person who communicates what is true frequently demands tact, and at times it can feel like sidestepping land mines. It takes work to be both truthful and tactful.

He will feel appreciated when you recognize his problem-solving approach as his male brand of empathy.

Knowing my spouse will not be able to love or respect me perfectly, I commit to having a forgiving spirit so that I may never speak hatefully or contemptuously.

When you play the blame game your marriage never wins.

Men are solution oriented, they love to solve problems. They want to be helpful.

Words of wisdom for all husbands and wives are these: We easily see what is done to us before we see what we are doing to our mate.

We easily see what is done to us before we see what we are doing to our mate.

A parent needs to feel respected, especially during conflicts...A child need to feel loved, especially during disputes.

She’ll feel at peace with you when you let her vent your frustrations and hurts and don’t get angry and close her off.

[Women], your self-love cannot be derived from your husband’s love. It can affect it, but it does not determine it.

As a husband, if you can grasp that you don’t always have to solve your wife’s problems, you will take a giant step toward showing her empathy and understanding.

The parent-child relationship is as easy, and as difficult, as love and respect.

In the ultimate sense, your marriage has nothing to do with your spouse. It has everything to do with your relationship to Jesus Christ.

Optimism or pessimism? It is always a choice, no matter what your natural temperament.

It is crucial for a husband and wife to see that neither one is wrong, but both of them are very different--in body function, outlook and perspective.

Your hunger for God can create an appetite in your children.

We get on the Crazy Cycle because without love a wife reacts without respect, and without respect a husband reacts without love.

Through Jesus and Peter, God set forth His standard for living in the unconditional dimension: choose to be loving even when the other person is not; do what is right regardless of the treatment you receive. I believe this standard applies directly to marriage. A husband who speaks lovingly to his disrespectful wife will be rewarded; and a wife who speaks respectfully to her unloving, not-worthy-of-respect husband will be rewarded. Whether you are husband or wife, the reward is what can keep you going in the midst of the craziness: knowing that God commends you, knowing that you have found his favor for your words and actions.

It is so easy to draw wrong conclusions about a spouse’s character and motives due to an occasional flare-up or silly comment.

[Women], as you enter quiet dignity, not preaching at your husband or scolding him as though you were his mother, something happens in his soul as a male.

Marriage is a tool and a test to allow God’s will to be revealed in our lives.

If a husband is commanded to agape- love his wife, then she truly needs love.

Pink and Blue perceptions not only affect seeing, they affect hearing as well. Women hear with pink hearing aids and men hear with blue hearing aids. Even more important to understand as you and your spouse seek to gain better communication, you can hear the very same words, but each of you will hear different messages.

Your spouse can affect you, but your spouse does not control you.

Unconditional love or respect is never wasted. Hang onto this promise: “Let us not lose heart in doing good, for in due time we will reap if we do not grow weary” (Galatians 6:9).

When your wife comes to talk to you, listen to her. Realize she is coming to you because you matter more to her than anyone else. She has certain emotional needs and only you can meet them. Sometimes she may say things that don’t make sense to you and she is apt to misspeak and exaggerate when she is upset, but don’t put her down. Instead, listen to her heart. Give her a chance to express her concerns and, as she does so, don’t try to fix her. Don’t give her your solutions unless she asks for them.

Stay the course regardless of the child’s respect and obedience. This is the Family Rewarded Cycle: a parents love unto Christ regardless of the child.

Unconditional respect, like unconditional love, is all about how one sounds (tone of voice and word choice) and appears (facial expressions and physical actions).

No matter how difficult your spouse may be at the moment, your spouse does not have control over your reaction; you do. You may be experiencing disappointment, frustration, or anger, but you always have a choice.

It’s hard to realize that we would never act around our business associates the way we act around our spouse.

Our research shows that couples who pray together are more apt to reap all kinds of benefits, including better and more frequent communication, going on “dates” more frequently and having sex more frequently.

Fight like a loving man and a respectful woman. Fight fair.

[Husbands] do you realize the power of just holding your wife’s hand?

Before hitting send, ask yourself, "Have I listened carefully and understand the exact issue on the table?"

When a husband chooses to do or say something loving, and that includes saying, ‘I’m sorry for coming across in an unloving way,’ he energizes his wife. When a wife decides to express herself respectfully, and that includes apologizing for her disrespectful attitude, she energizes her husband.

Christian maturity involves a lot of things, but surely it includes knowing how to process your anger.

Your spouse has a need only you can fill.

You have two ears and one mouth; use them proportionately.

Truth will carry its own weight if delivered respectfully and lovingly.

When evil comes at you, you’re the one who makes the choice of whether or not it is going to go into you.

Do you bow to the influence of Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?

When you possess a forgiving spirit, words of Love and Respect will flow authentically from your lips- and realize that the Lord Himself is listening to you at moments like these. He knows you are not powerless, but actually full of power that He has granted you.

With a better understanding of God’s promises, you will be on your way to a renewed mind and a changed life.