The Crazy Cycle In The Workplace - Study Guide (Download)

The difference between successful couples and unsuccessful couples is that successful ones keep getting up and dealing with the issues.

The woman absolutely needs love, and the man absolutely needs respect. It’s as simple- and as difficult- as that.

Money squabbles don’t undermine love and respect; they simply reveal unloving and disrespectful attitudes, which are the real reason why a marriage can start to wobble on the Crazy Cycle.

God is not trying to trick you or mess with you. Trust that He wants to reveal Himself to you just as much as He wants to reveal Himself to the world.

Christian maturity involves a lot of things, but surely it includes knowing how to process your anger.

When there is confusion, I try to refrain from attacking another for not listening carefully (which may not be the case). Instead, I take a run at communicating again, but more clearly.

Good intentions do not always produce good words or outcomes.

Don’t conclude that your spouse is wrong when he/she is seeking to do the right and righteous thing.

A most significant point of this book is this: If what we think is true, kind, necessary, and clear, we need to have the courage to hit send. This isn’t about refraining from speaking; this is about speaking.

Troubles over sex and money do not cause a marriage to go under. The lack of love and respect during conflict cause the marriage to go under.

We blame people for the bad things we do, but take credit for the good things we do.

[Husbands] do you realize the power of just holding your wife’s hand?

Your spouse deserves the truth from you. Do your best to tell it with love and respect.

When a husband feels disrespected, he has a natural tendency to react in ways that feel unloving to his wife. (Perhaps the command to love was given to him precisely for this reason!) When a wife feels unloved, she has a natural tendency to react in ways that feel disrespectful to her husband. (Perhaps the command to respect was given to her precisely for this reason!)

Do you understand that God feels compassion for you, no matter what you have done or what your circumstances may be?

In the ultimate sense you marriage has nothing to do with your spouse. It has everything to do with your relationship with Jesus Christ.

Accentuate the positive and eliminate the negative with lots of love and respect in between.

The more we are upset at something, the wiser it is to let twenty-four hours pass before responding.

Being a person who communicates what is true frequently demands tact, and at times it can feel like sidestepping land mines. It takes work to be both truthful and tactful.

A major step toward a happy marriage is accepting differences and working them out with love and respect.

When Jesus said “turn the other cheek,” He wasn’t saying to be passive wimps. He was teaching that physically people can control you but if you turn and give the other cheek, suddenly you’re in control and you’re making the choices.

He will feel appreciated when you disagree with him only in private and honor his authority in front of the kids.

If you want your wife to express appreciation for your attempts to be loving, you must use thankful words when she tries to speak or act respectfully.

Husbands primarily want to hear ‘respect” talk during conflict. Wives primarily want to hear “love” talk during conflict.

Unconditional love or respect is never wasted. Hang onto this promise: “Let us not lose heart in doing good, for in due time we will reap if we do not grow weary” (Galatians 6:9).

If a husband chooses to be a peacemaker--taking the needs and concerns of his wife totally into account during any kind of argument or conflict--his wife will be motivated in turn to respond to his authority during stalemates.

Clearly, in the marriage, in the family and in the household, when you speak words of blessing, you are speaking to the Lord, and for this you will be rewarded.

There is a plan to parent God’s way, even when our children may seek to go their own way at time. The secret is to follow this plan regardless. When you do, I believe you succeed in His eyes.

Recognize your different gifts--how each of you (Pink and Blue) functions according to God’s perfect design.

When you come home after you have been apart, the first few moments of reconnecting will set the tone for the rest of the evening.

When a husband chooses to do or say something loving, and that includes saying, ‘I’m sorry for coming across in an unloving way,’ he energizes his wife. When a wife decides to express herself respectfully, and that includes apologizing for her disrespectful attitude, she energizes her husband.

Husbands, even Jesus Himself was asked by a woman, “Do you not care?” (Luke 10:40) When your wife accuses you of not caring, decode her deeper meaning.

Whose voice are you listening to: Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?

Often both spouses have goodwill but are not deciphering each other’s code. She criticizes out of love, but he “hears” only disrespect. He distances himself to prevent feelings from escalating, which is the honorable thing to do, but she “sees” only his failure to be loving!

When others do not respond to our communication, we need to look first at our communication style. Is the other person incapable of hearing what we have to say? Or are we abrupt, brusque, and curt?

A woman needs love like she needs air to breathe. A man needs respect like he needs air to breathe.

Words of love from a husband are like good medicine that brings life to the marriage.

You have two ears and one mouth; use them proportionately.

When a wife asks, “Do you love me?” She is not trying to put her husband on the spot. She is simply looking for reassurance.

We fool ourselves into thinking the other person causes us to be the way we are. They really don’t! But if we lock into that idea, we become helpless, hopeless victims.

The moment we cry to Him for help, He is already pleased. He gives us strength to love our children.

Suppressing negative feelings is not loving, respectful or very wise. Speak up tactfully.

Your marriage is really a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and reverence for your Lord.

“You can be right, but wrong at the top of your voice.”

Wives, to energize your husband do an activity with him, shoulder-to-shoulder, without talking.

You can be right in the argument, but wrong in your approach.

Your words reveal your heart.

Unconditional respect is as powerful to him as unconditional love is to her.

No matter how difficult your spouse may be at the moment, your spouse does not have control over your reaction; you do. You may be experiencing disappointment, frustration or anger, but you always have a choice. A wife can choose to be disrespectful or respectful. A husband can choose to be unloving or loving.

Our trustworthiness rests on our truthfulness.

If husbands and wives are to understand the Love and Respect Connection, they must realize that they communicate in code. And the problem is, they don’t know how to decipher the messages they send to one another.

A wife has one driving need: to feel loved. When that need is met, she is happy. A husband has one driving need: to feel respected. When that need is met, he is happy. When either of these needs isn’t met, things get crazy with conflict.

We can all have moments of anger, but this does not mean we have to lose control and sin.

When your wife comes to talk to you, listen to her. Realize she is coming to you because you matter more to her than anyone else. She has certain emotional needs and only you can meet them. Sometimes she may say things that don’t make sense to you and she is apt to misspeak and exaggerate when she is upset, but don’t put her down. Instead, listen to her heart. Give her a chance to express her concerns and, as she does so, don’t try to fix her. Don’t give her your solutions unless she asks for them.

When a wife feels unloved, it can be such a shock to her heart that she is oblivious to her disrespectful reactions toward her husband, though any man watching could see it plainly.

No matter how difficult your spouse may be at the moment, your spouse does not have control over your reaction; you do. You may be experiencing disappointment, frustration, or anger, but you always have a choice.

The key to motivating another person is meeting their deepest need, especially during conflict.

Always try to look at your spouse the way Jesus does.

Your marriage is a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and reverence for Jesus Christ. God is using your spouse to bring you an eternal reward.

Our research shows that couples who pray together are more apt to reap all kinds of benefits, including better and more frequent communication, going on “dates” more frequently and having sex more frequently.

It’s crucial to communicate with the right tone of voice and the right expression on your face.

Most marriages will succeed when obeying the command to Love and Respect.

You must “ask God from the wealth of his glory to give you power through his Spirit to be strong in your inner selves.”

Thank the Lord for all the trouble-free moments in which you and your spouse enjoy Him, each other, your family, your ministry and life as a whole. Ask Him for the strength to accept your measure of trouble, and the wisdom to deal with the annoyances and irritations by loving and respecting each other with new commitment. (You may also want to pray about troubles at work, at church, with the children…) “But those who marry will have trouble in this life” (1 Corinthians 7:28)

We easily see what is done to us before we see what we are doing to our mate.

Could you be facing a crisis in faith more than a crisis in your marriage?

We send each other messages in “code” based on gender, even though we don’t intend to. What I say is not what you hear, and what you think you heard is not what I meant at all.

The mature one in the marriage seldom moves second.

It’s hard to realize that we would never act around our business associates the way we act around our spouse.

Never give up. If you want to have a strong marriage, you need to accept temporary setbacks as part of the game.

[Husbands] the most powerful weapons you have are your ears. Just listen to your wife, and she is much more likely to feel understood.

If you are seeking positive change in your marriage, you will need to make a positive change in your attitude and actions.

Thank God for His forgiveness of your mistakes. In trying to be a loving man or a respectful woman, we blow it. Owning up to mistakes is never easy, but it is always the way to move forward. Take good care not to accuse your spouse of mistakes as you pray. Also, pray about any forgiving to be done in the family, any forgiveness that needs to be asked. Children may need forgiveness (and what about Mom and Dad?). “There is no one on earth who does what is right all the time and never makes a mistake.” (Ecclesiastes 7:20)

Getting married reveals, usually sooner than later, an incontestable fact: your spouse cannot possibly meet all your needs and desires

I often stress that one of the greatest rewards any persevering spouse can have is being a good example and influence on the children in the family.

Respect for the husband is just as important as love for the wife.

When one of you makes a mistake, control any anger you may feel and trust God completely, no matter what happens.

God rewards your obedience to love and respect, even if your spouse does not respond!

Truth will carry its own weight if delivered respectfully and lovingly.

Always see your mate as an ally. Feedback is of little use if you see your spouse as an enemy. Giving and receiving constructive feedback is based on feelings of goodwill in both partners. Both of you need to remember that, even if you don’t always agree and even if you become irritated or angry, you are friends, and neither of you means to hurt the other.

A parent needs to feel respected, especially during conflicts...A child need to feel loved, especially during disputes.

When we speak before we think, we widen the chances the other person(s) will be notably hurt, frustrated, confused, angry, fearful, or offended by something we’ve communicated.

Thank the Lord that in the very beginning He created them male and female – Blue and Pink. Ask Him for patience and ever-growing understanding of how men and women see and hear differently. “He created them male and female, and He blessed them.” (Genesis 5:2)

As you pray together, you will truly learn to love and respect together.

Husbands, to energize your wife give her face-to-face time, allowing her to talk and share her feelings.

As a wife, if you can start to understand how important your husband’s work is to him, you will take a giant step toward communicating respect and honor, two things that he values even more than your love.

[Women], your self-love cannot be derived from your husband’s love. It can affect it, but it does not determine it.

No one can really practice Love and Respect unless he or she does it as unto Jesus Christ.

You’re the only person in the world who can meet your spouse’s deepest need for love and respect. After all, you alone are married to your spouse.

Life is too short to fuss and fret over trivial irritations.

We are equal but we are not the same.

Avoid like the plague trying to punish each other as a means of “motivation.” Christ-followers instinctively know that this destroys any opportunity to act out of reverence for Christ. In all marital issues, love and reverence for Christ must be our primary motivation.

Trust God when the “why’s” of life threaten to overwhelm you.

Don’t label each other as bad because you differ on how you solve your troubles.

Words of Love or Respect must uplift your spouse, edifying- never manipulating him or her.

We can communicate the truth in the best of manners, but the person may be so insecure he or she can only react and attack like a wounded bear.

Ladies, be careful. “A nagging wife goes on and on like the drip, drip, drip of the rain” (Proverbs 19:13).

You can experience hurt, but it is your choice to hate.

Mistakes can’t be undone, but they can be forgiven.

Since it is easy to focus on the negative, focus on your mate’s good qualities and express thanks with positive words of Love or Respect.