The Crazy Cycle In The Workplace - Study Guide (Download)

The heart of my communication means the other person cannot get my heart to be unkind, unloving, or disrespectful. Instead, I have made a decision about who I will be independent of the other person. I won’t blame my unkindness on someone else.

A major step toward a happy marriage is accepting differences and working them out with love and respect.

Holding back your love or respect will just keep the Crazy Cycle spinning away, but being mature and making the first move could slow it down.

Marital researchers agree that a huge percentage of communication problems between husband and wife are due not to what is said but to how it is said – the attitude and tone of voice.

Unconditional respect is as powerful to him as unconditional love is to her.

Your marriage is really a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and reverence for your Lord.

A marriage relationship will be energized when couples learn how to motivate each other God’s way.

When you look to God and His Word as your ultimate source of significance and security, you don’t demand that your spouse take that role in your life. And as you draw strength from the Lord individually, He draws you closer together as a couple.

A strong woman of dignity puts on respect out of her love and reverence for Jesus Christ. She trusts that His word not only protects and empowers her, but also rewards her with incomprehensible eternal blessings.

We are worth Jesus to the Father.

We get on the Crazy Cycle because without love a wife reacts without respect, and without respect a husband reacts without love.

Through Jesus and Peter, God set forth His standard for living in the unconditional dimension: choose to be loving even when the other person is not; do what is right regardless of the treatment you receive. I believe this standard applies directly to marriage. A husband who speaks lovingly to his disrespectful wife will be rewarded; and a wife who speaks respectfully to her unloving, not-worthy-of-respect husband will be rewarded. Whether you are husband or wife, the reward is what can keep you going in the midst of the craziness: knowing that God commends you, knowing that you have found his favor for your words and actions.

Assume goodwill about the person you are in conflict with.

Your hunger for God can create an appetite in your children.

Self-interest should never come ahead of your spouse’s interests.

Since it is easy to focus on the negative, focus on your mate’s good qualities and express thanks with positive words of Love or Respect.

The more we are upset at something, the wiser it is to let twenty-four hours pass before responding.

Never give up. If you want to have a strong marriage, you need to accept temporary setbacks as part of the game.

When evil comes at you, you’re the one who makes the choice of whether or not it is going to go into you.

Research shows that 70% of the couples who were extremely unhappy in their marriage, but hung in there and worked through the tough time, identified themselves as being very happy five years later.

A woman needs love like she needs air to breathe. A man needs respect like he needs air to breathe.

Don’t conclude that your spouse is wrong when he/she is seeking to do the right and righteous thing.

Unconditional respect means we confront their wrongdoings respectfully. We do not become uncivil because they are. Who they fail to be does not determine who we will be.

Parenting is a faith venture. As we parent “unto Christ” we reap God’s reward, “knowing that whatever good anyone does, he will receive the same from the Lord” (Eph. 6:8 NKJV)

Negative actions rarely produce positive results.

Wives, you never know: The way you handle this [conflict] might bring your husband not only back to you, but to God. Husbands, you never know: The way you handle this [conflict] might bring your wife not only back to you, but to God. (1 Corinthians 7:16)

[Husbands] the most powerful weapons you have are your ears. Just listen to your wife, and she is much more likely to feel understood.

God rewards your obedience to love and respect, even if your spouse does not respond!

A man has a natural, inborn desire to go out and “conquer” the challenges of his world – to work and achieve.

Stay the course regardless of the child’s respect and obedience. This is the Family Rewarded Cycle: a parents love unto Christ regardless of the child.

Above all trust God when the “whys” of life threaten to overwhelm you.

At the very bottom of things, in every case and in every conversation, you can do your marriage a huge favor by assuming she is seeking to feel loved or he is seeking to feel respected and give your spouse some grace!

Always try to look at your spouse the way Jesus does.

A most significant point of this book is this: If what we think is true, kind, necessary, and clear, we need to have the courage to hit send. This isn’t about refraining from speaking; this is about speaking.

[Women], your self-love cannot be derived from your husband’s love. It can affect it, but it does not determine it.

You both forgive for one simple but profound reason: because you know Christ has forgiven you!

His love motivates her respect. Her respect motivates his love.

[Women], as you enter quiet dignity, not preaching at your husband or scolding him as though you were his mother, something happens in his soul as a male.

There is a plan to parent God’s way, even when our children may seek to go their own way at time. The secret is to follow this plan regardless. When you do, I believe you succeed in His eyes.

You may believe that the careless, unloving or disrespectful words you speak are because your spouse is causing you to speak this way, but Jesus says that it is coming out of your heart.

If you want your husband to express appreciation for your attempts to be respectful, you must speak thankfully when he tries to be loving.

Whose voice are you listening to: Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?

Your spouse deserves the truth from you. Do your best to tell it with love and respect.

Unconditional love or respect is never wasted. Hang onto this promise: “Let us not lose heart in doing good, for in due time we will reap if we do not grow weary” (Galatians 6:9).

You cannot use unholy means to achieve a worthy end.

We all need love and respect equally. But, during conflict our felt needs are as different as pink is from blue.

Words of Love or Respect must uplift your spouse, edifying- never manipulating him or her.

The parent-child relationship is as easy, and as difficult, as love and respect.

Could you be facing a crisis in faith more than a crisis in your marriage?

Assuming goodwill can be revolutionary in relationships.

To build a lasting legacy, use proven wisdom that you glean from the Lord.

It is so easy to draw wrong conclusions about a spouse’s character and motives due to an occasional flare-up or silly comment.

Your words reveal your heart.

A wife has one driving need: to feel loved. When that need is met, she is happy. A husband has one driving need: to feel respected. When that need is met, he is happy. When either of these needs isn’t met, things get crazy with conflict.

Your position in Christ is what counts, not your less-than-perfect performance.

This is the Rewarded Cycle: His love blesses regardless of her respect and her respect blesses regardless of his love.

Do you seek to understand or only to be understood?

Be quick to listen and understand and you have a much better chance of being understood.

We all need to wrestle with the spiritual truth that God is good. If you don’t believe God is good, you won’t trust His word. If you don’t trust His word, you will find excuses to ignore His commands.

We can all have moments of anger, but this does not mean we have to lose control and sin.

Pink and Blue perceptions not only affect seeing, they affect hearing as well. Women hear with pink hearing aids and men hear with blue hearing aids. Even more important to understand as you and your spouse seek to gain better communication, you can hear the very same words, but each of you will hear different messages.

God’s commands are there to help us, not to hinder us or hold us back as male and female.

When a husband feels disrespected, he has a natural tendency to react in ways that feel unloving to his wife. (Perhaps the command to love was given to him precisely for this reason!) When a wife feels unloved, she has a natural tendency to react in ways that feel disrespectful to her husband. (Perhaps the command to respect was given to her precisely for this reason!)

Do you bow to the influence of Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?

Recognize your different gifts--how each of you (Pink and Blue) functions according to God’s perfect design.

Every marriage includes trouble some of the time. Do not let the 20% leaven all the rest.

When sorting out how to slow down the Crazy Cycle, it helps to remember that men are commanded to love because they don’t love naturally, and on the other side, women are commanded to respect because they don’t respect naturally.

His love blesses regardless of her respect; her respect blesses regardless of his love.

Research and experience prove that men and women see and hear differently. Recognizing these differences and adjusting to them is absolutely necessary for reaching mutual understanding and better communication.

Thank the Lord for all the trouble-free moments in which you and your spouse enjoy Him, each other, your family, your ministry and life as a whole. Ask Him for the strength to accept your measure of trouble, and the wisdom to deal with the annoyances and irritations by loving and respecting each other with new commitment. (You may also want to pray about troubles at work, at church, with the children…) “But those who marry will have trouble in this life” (1 Corinthians 7:28)

You must distinguish between “I can’t” and “I won’t.”

Although the Crazy Cycle is not what God intends for any marriage, all couples get on it at times from one degree to another.

Husbands primarily want to hear ‘respect” talk during conflict. Wives primarily want to hear “love” talk during conflict.

We fool ourselves into thinking the other person causes us to be the way we are. They really don’t! But if we lock into that idea, we become helpless, hopeless victims.

Husbands, even Jesus Himself was asked by a woman, “Do you not care?” (Luke 10:40) When your wife accuses you of not caring, decode her deeper meaning.

Your husband knows you appreciate his desire to protect and provide when you praise his commitment to provide for you. You empathize when he reveals his male mindset about position, status, or rank at work.

If a husband loves his wife as he should, she will feel honored and respected. If a wife respects her husband as she should, he will feel loved and appreciated. It’s a win-win.

We have discovered that as women motivate their man God’s way, men are energized to love them better. It doesn’t matter if your marriage is good or seems like there is no hope. We have seen God move in powerful ways even when things looked hopeless.

A parent needs to feel respected, especially during conflicts...A child need to feel loved, especially during disputes.

You must “ask God from the wealth of his glory to give you power through his Spirit to be strong in your inner selves.”

As a husband, if you can grasp that you don’t always have to solve your wife’s problems, you will take a giant step toward showing her empathy and understanding.

Words of wisdom for all husbands and wives are these: We easily see what is done to us before we see what we are doing to our mate.

A husband may deserve contempt, but that doesn’t win him any more than harshness and anger wins the heart of a woman.

You have two ears and one mouth; use them proportionately.

No matter what your struggle- criticism, constant conflict, sex, money, parenting, harsh words- learning to communicate the Love and Respect way can help you make crucial changes and build the kind of relationship that God blesses.

When there is confusion, I try to refrain from attacking another for not listening carefully (which may not be the case). Instead, I take a run at communicating again, but more clearly.

Ladies, be careful. “A nagging wife goes on and on like the drip, drip, drip of the rain” (Proverbs 19:13).

To stay the course in speaking words of Love and Respect, keep your heart in Scripture, trusting in and talking about His promises to help you.

Can you begin to trust that God feels love for you even when you don’t feel that love?

If you are seeking positive change in your marriage, you will need to make a positive change in your attitude and actions.

The Love and Respect message is not about a husband earning his wife’s respect by being more loving any more than it is about a wife earning her husband’s love by being more respectful. Always love or respect is given unconditionally according to God’s commands.

Focus on the positive in the midst of the negative, and the Energizing Cycle will keep right on humming.

Feeling unloved, a wife gets defensive and acts offensively without respect. Feeling disrespected, a husband gets defensive and acts offensively without love.

Being friendly to her man is one of the most effective things a woman can do to strengthen her marriage.

Your husband knows you value his friendship when you tell him you like him and you show it (he knows you love him, but he often wonders if you really like him).

Be friendly. Be friendly. Be friendly. Watch what happens.

In the ultimate sense you marriage has nothing to do with your spouse. It has everything to do with your relationship with Jesus Christ.

“You can be right, but wrong at the top of your voice.”

When you play the blame game your marriage never wins.

“With eyes of faith, envision Jesus standing just beyond the shoulder of your spouse and listening to every word you speak in every conversation, pleasant or tense. When you speak lovingly or respectfully to your spouse, you are speaking to Christ. Your spouse just happens to be there too.” This truth has sanctified the lips of many. Instead of giving their spouse a verbal whipping or choking on the idea of saying anything positive, now some spouses are motivated to speak words of unconditional love or respect.