The Crazy Cycle In The Workplace - Study Guide (Download)

Life is too short to fuss and fret over trivial irritations.

Clarifying is what you do before you step on your mate’s air hose and deflate his or her spirit. For example, you are having a typical conversation, but you can tell there is a misunderstanding. One of you isn’t being clear or isn’t hearing correctly. Then and there you clarify the misunderstanding before your spouse’s spirit deflates. You lovingly or respectfully clarify matters so that your spouse will not feel unloved or disrespected. The reason you take pains to clarify a seemingly small matter is to prevent the situation from becoming a love and respect issue that needs decoding. Clarifying is what you do to stay off the Crazy Cycle and keep positive, energetic feelings flowing between the two of you, to keep yourselves on the Energizing Cycle.

Your marriage is a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and reverence for Jesus Christ. God is using your spouse to bring you an eternal reward.

It’s crucial to communicate with the right tone of voice and the right expression on your face.

When your wife comes to talk to you, listen to her. Realize she is coming to you because you matter more to her than anyone else. She has certain emotional needs and only you can meet them. Sometimes she may say things that don’t make sense to you and she is apt to misspeak and exaggerate when she is upset, but don’t put her down. Instead, listen to her heart. Give her a chance to express her concerns and, as she does so, don’t try to fix her. Don’t give her your solutions unless she asks for them.

She’s not wrong for not being male. He is not wrong for not being female. When you put pink and blue together, you get purple, the color of royalty; the color of God. Together, a husband and wife reflect God’s image.

When one of you makes a mistake, control any anger you may feel and trust God completely, no matter what happens.

When you love or respect unconditionally regardless of the outcome, you are following God and His will for you.

Thank the Lord for all the trouble-free moments in which you and your spouse enjoy Him, each other, your family, your ministry and life as a whole. Ask Him for the strength to accept your measure of trouble, and the wisdom to deal with the annoyances and irritations by loving and respecting each other with new commitment. (You may also want to pray about troubles at work, at church, with the children…) “But those who marry will have trouble in this life” (1 Corinthians 7:28)

A husband may deserve contempt, but that doesn’t win him any more than harshness and anger wins the heart of a woman.

Each of you must focus on what God is calling you to do toward your spouse. Do not focus on what you think God is calling your spouse to do toward you.

We have to step back as Christ followers and ask, “Do I have false expectations that my relationship should be romantic 99% of the time?”

We get on the Crazy Cycle because without love a wife reacts without respect, and without respect a husband reacts without love.

Be friendly. Be friendly. Be friendly. Watch what happens.

Clearly, in the marriage, in the family and in the household, when you speak words of blessing, you are speaking to the Lord, and for this you will be rewarded.

God is not pink. God is not blue. God is purple. When two become one, they have the potential of displaying God’s attributes and character.

You must distinguish between “I can’t” and “I won’t.”

We send each other messages in “code” based on gender, even though we don’t intend to. What I say is not what you hear, and what you think you heard is not what I meant at all.

Being friendly to her man is one of the most effective things a woman can do to strengthen her marriage.

Focus on the positive in the midst of the negative, and the Energizing Cycle will keep right on humming.

Unconditional love or respect is never wasted. Hang onto this promise: “Let us not lose heart in doing good, for in due time we will reap if we do not grow weary” (Galatians 6:9).

Both Judas and Peter denied Jesus Christ, but there is a huge difference between a Judas and a Peter.

Wives, to energize your husband do an activity with him, shoulder-to-shoulder, without talking.

“You can be right, but wrong at the top of your voice.”

“With eyes of faith, envision Jesus standing just beyond the shoulder of your spouse and listening to every word you speak in every conversation, pleasant or tense. When you speak lovingly or respectfully to your spouse, you are speaking to Christ. Your spouse just happens to be there too.” This truth has sanctified the lips of many. Instead of giving their spouse a verbal whipping or choking on the idea of saying anything positive, now some spouses are motivated to speak words of unconditional love or respect.

Refuse to let evil turn you into a contemptuous and hateful person.

God designed the woman to love. He’s not going to command her to agape her husband when He created her to do that in the first place. God is not into redundancy.

We all need to wrestle with the spiritual truth that God is good. If you don’t believe God is good, you won’t trust His word. If you don’t trust His word, you will find excuses to ignore His commands.

Money squabbles don’t undermine love and respect; they simply reveal unloving and disrespectful attitudes, which are the real reason why a marriage can start to wobble on the Crazy Cycle.

There is power and freedom that comes in understanding that no one can cause you to react in a certain way. It is your choice.

We easily see what is done to us before we see what we are doing to our mate.

Be quick to listen and understand and you have a much better chance of being understood.

You’re the only person in the world who can meet your spouse’s deepest need for love and respect. After all, you alone are married to your spouse.

As a wife, if you can start to understand how important your husband’s work is to him, you will take a giant step toward communicating respect and honor, two things that he values even more than your love.

You must “ask God from the wealth of his glory to give you power through his Spirit to be strong in your inner selves.”

Although the Crazy Cycle is not what God intends for any marriage, all couples get on it at times from one degree to another.

His love blesses regardless of her respect; her respect blesses regardless of his love.

You have to become proactive, rather than just trying to stop the reactive.

Your husband knows you appreciate his desire to protect and provide when you praise his commitment to provide for you. You empathize when he reveals his male mindset about position, status, or rank at work.

How we react to a situation reveals more about us than about the other person.

When you relinquish an offense, you need to send that offense somewhere. So follow Jesus’ example and release it to your heavenly Father.

No matter how difficult your spouse may be at the moment, your spouse does not have control over your reaction; you do. You may be experiencing disappointment, frustration, or anger, but you always have a choice.

God is not trying to trick you or mess with you. Trust that He wants to reveal Himself to you just as much as He wants to reveal Himself to the world.

Since it is easy to focus on the negative, focus on your mate’s good qualities and express thanks with positive words of Love or Respect.

Your hunger for God can create an appetite in your children.

Share what God is saying to your heart, not what you think He needs to say to your mate.

Your marriage is a test of your devotion to Christ.

Words of Love or Respect must uplift your spouse, edifying- never manipulating him or her.

When we feel crippling discouragement by the sinful choices and outcomes of our kids, we must not let this permanently deter us from parenting God’s way.

The Crazy Cycle is, indeed “the evil of folly and the foolishness of madness” (Ecclesiastes 7:25)

Recognize your different gifts--how each of you (Pink and Blue) functions according to God’s perfect design.

Be a part of the solution, not part of the problem.

There is a discrepancy between who we want to be and see ourselves to be and how we actually sound in voice and writing. But with self-reflection and honesty, we can turn the corner and improve our communication. We need only evaluate what we are about to communicate.

Assuming goodwill can be revolutionary in relationships.

In the ultimate sense you marriage has nothing to do with your spouse. It has everything to do with your relationship with Jesus Christ.

When Jesus said “turn the other cheek,” He wasn’t saying to be passive wimps. He was teaching that physically people can control you but if you turn and give the other cheek, suddenly you’re in control and you’re making the choices.

Responding to offensive words or actions with your own offensive words and actions is damaging and unproductive.

When you possess a forgiving spirit, words of Love and Respect will flow authentically from your lips- and realize that the Lord Himself is listening to you at moments like these. He knows you are not powerless, but actually full of power that He has granted you.

Respect for the husband is just as important as love for the wife.

Always try to look at your spouse the way Jesus does.

Never give up. If you want to have a strong marriage, you need to accept temporary setbacks as part of the game.

Do you bow to the influence of Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?

Here is the secret to marriage that every couple seeks and yet few find: Unconditional respect is as powerful for him as unconditional love is for her. It’s the secret that will help you achieve a brand new level of intimacy.

Getting married reveals, usually sooner than later, an incontestable fact: your spouse cannot possibly meet all your needs and desires

We have different vulnerabilities. We can pass judgment on one another all day long or we can say God made us different and that’s ok.

Do you believe that there is a God who really loves you and wants to help you?

She’ll feel at peace with you when you let her vent your frustrations and hurts and don’t get angry and close her off.

The parent-child relationship is as easy, and as difficult, as love and respect.

Good intentions do not always produce good words or outcomes.

Just because you’re offended doesn’t mean the other person is offensive.

Most marriages will succeed when obeying the command to Love and Respect.

When you play the blame game your marriage never wins.

Through Jesus and Peter, God set forth His standard for living in the unconditional dimension: choose to be loving even when the other person is not; do what is right regardless of the treatment you receive. I believe this standard applies directly to marriage. A husband who speaks lovingly to his disrespectful wife will be rewarded; and a wife who speaks respectfully to her unloving, not-worthy-of-respect husband will be rewarded. Whether you are husband or wife, the reward is what can keep you going in the midst of the craziness: knowing that God commends you, knowing that you have found his favor for your words and actions.

The Love and Respect message is not about a husband earning his wife’s respect by being more loving any more than it is about a wife earning her husband’s love by being more respectful. Always love or respect is given unconditionally according to God’s commands.

It’s so easy to dismiss our spouse as childish because we don’t have the same vulnerabilities they do.

If husbands and wives are to understand the Love and Respect Connection, they must realize that they communicate in code. And the problem is, they don’t know how to decipher the messages they send to one another.

It is crucial for a husband and wife to see that neither one is wrong, but both of them are very different--in body function, outlook and perspective.

As strong and powerful as marriage bonds can become, our deepest dependency must be on the Lord, not another human being.

A marriage relationship will be energized when couples learn how to motivate each other God’s way.

If you want your wife to express appreciation for your attempts to be loving, you must use thankful words when she tries to speak or act respectfully.

Research shows that 70% of the couples who were extremely unhappy in their marriage, but hung in there and worked through the tough time, identified themselves as being very happy five years later.

[Women], as you enter quiet dignity, not preaching at your husband or scolding him as though you were his mother, something happens in his soul as a male.

Let the Lord change you, but don’t try to change each other.

I had often asked God to compensate for my mistakes, but in return had I thought He would give me perfect children?

Accidental sparks (unwise remarks) ignite and fuel a fire, and vroom goes the Crazy Cycle.

As mature men, we need to take leadership and put this out on the table. We must acknowledge our feelings- we need to feel respected. However, as we do this we must acknowledge our wife’s feelings- she needs to feel loved!

Unconditional respect is as powerful to him as unconditional love is to her.

Do not live by the standards of Hollywood; trust what God says in His Holy Word.

Marriage is a tool and a test to allow God’s will to be revealed in our lives.

[Women], your self-love cannot be derived from your husband’s love. It can affect it, but it does not determine it.

A parent needs to feel respected, especially during conflicts...A child need to feel loved, especially during disputes.

Words of wisdom for all husbands and wives are these: We easily see what is done to us before we see what we are doing to our mate.

When a wife feels unloved, it can be such a shock to her heart that she is oblivious to her disrespectful reactions toward her husband, though any man watching could see it plainly.

You can be right in the argument, but wrong in your approach.

We must bring our identity in Christ to our parenting—we must not derive our identity from our children.

We can all have moments of anger, but this does not mean we have to lose control and sin.

Thank the Lord for the goodwill each of you has toward the other. Ask Him for strength to give each other the benefit of the doubt during moments when someone’s goodwill seems to be lacking. “He who seeks good finds goodwill, but evil comes to him who searches for it.” (Proverbs 11:27)

To get offended is easy, but to forgive is within your power as you walk in His steps.

A major step toward a happy marriage is accepting differences and working them out with love and respect.

Thank God for joining you together and for allowing you to trust Him to help you, whatever the issue. God is there for you and expects you to look to Him to keep you together as a team, so ask Him for His help in the smallest of concerns. “So they are no longer two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate.” (Matthew 19:6)