The Crazy Cycle In The Workplace - Study Guide (Download)

There is a plan to parent God’s way, even when our children may seek to go their own way at time. The secret is to follow this plan regardless. When you do, I believe you succeed in His eyes.

Often both spouses have goodwill but are not deciphering each other’s code. She criticizes out of love, but he “hears” only disrespect. He distances himself to prevent feelings from escalating, which is the honorable thing to do, but she “sees” only his failure to be loving!

I often stress that one of the greatest rewards any persevering spouse can have is being a good example and influence on the children in the family.

We might say that every negative action in the family has an equal and opposite negative reaction.

Before hitting send, ask yourself, "Have I listened carefully and understand the exact issue on the table?"

[Husbands] as the church places her burdens on Christ, so a woman needs to place her burdens on her husband. When she shares with you, don’t assume she is asking you to solve the problem. Ask your wife, “Do you want a solution or a listening ear?”

God’s commands are there to help us, not to hinder us or hold us back as male and female.

You cannot use unholy means to achieve a worthy end.

The woman absolutely needs love, and the man absolutely needs respect. It’s as simple- and as difficult- as that.

We blame people for the bad things we do, but take credit for the good things we do.

A marriage relationship will be energized when couples learn how to motivate each other God’s way.

Don’t pressure yourself with perfection. We are going to fail. A righteous man falls 7 times but gets back up.

If husbands and wives are to understand the Love and Respect Connection, they must realize that they communicate in code. And the problem is, they don’t know how to decipher the messages they send to one another.

Since it is easy to focus on the negative, focus on your mate’s good qualities and express thanks with positive words of Love or Respect.

The key to motivating another person is meeting their deepest need, especially during conflict.

Words of Love and Respect must include thankfulness spoken to or about your spouse; don’t fixate on weaknesses and faults.

Mutual submission is the only way to live fairly together with mutual authority.

We are either going to give in the darkness or we are going to give into the darkness.

You speak lovingly or respectfully no matter how your spouse may speak to you in return. Your spouse is not the reason--good or bad--why you speak unconditional words of love or respect. God is the reason, and as you depend on Him, you will become increasingly able to speak lovingly and respectfully to your spouse.

When you relinquish an offense, you need to send that offense somewhere. So follow Jesus’ example and release it to your heavenly Father.

Never give up. If you want to have a strong marriage, you need to accept temporary setbacks as part of the game.

Your wife feels you are open with her when you discuss financial concerns, possible job changes or ideas for your future.

When you’re truly Christ-centered, instead of child-centered, you will be a more effective parent in the long run.

This is the Rewarded Cycle: His love blesses regardless of her respect and her respect blesses regardless of his love.

You may believe that the careless, unloving or disrespectful words you speak are because your spouse is causing you to speak this way, but Jesus says that it is coming out of your heart.

When you come home after you have been apart, the first few moments of reconnecting will set the tone for the rest of the evening.

There is a discrepancy between who we want to be and see ourselves to be and how we actually sound in voice and writing. But with self-reflection and honesty, we can turn the corner and improve our communication. We need only evaluate what we are about to communicate.

Good intentions do not always produce good words or outcomes.

Thank God for joining you together and for allowing you to trust Him to help you, whatever the issue. God is there for you and expects you to look to Him to keep you together as a team, so ask Him for His help in the smallest of concerns. “So they are no longer two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate.” (Matthew 19:6)

We can communicate the truth in the best of manners, but the person may be so insecure he or she can only react and attack like a wounded bear.

If we subscribe to the belief that because we are equal we are the same, then we’re going to expect our spouse to respond the way we do.

Your position in Christ is what counts, not your less-than-perfect performance.

In your marriage be the first to “seek peace and pursue it” (1 Peter 3:11)

We easily see what is done to us before we see what we are doing to our mate.

Negative actions rarely produce positive results.

Whether visiting a prison, feeding the hungry, giving the thirsty a drink or speaking a word of love or respect, everything is to be done to and for Christ.

Parenting is a faith venture. As we parent “unto Christ” we reap God’s reward, “knowing that whatever good anyone does, he will receive the same from the Lord” (Eph. 6:8 NKJV)

With a better understanding of God’s promises, you will be on your way to a renewed mind and a changed life.

Knowing my spouse will not be able to love or respect me perfectly, I commit to having a forgiving spirit so that I may never speak hatefully or contemptuously.

God rewards your obedience to love and respect, even if your spouse does not respond!

When you play the blame game your marriage never wins.

You’re the only person in the world who can meet your spouse’s deepest need for love and respect. After all, you alone are married to your spouse.

“Living happily ever after” means knowing how to deal with the imperfect parts of life.

Clarifying is what you do before you step on your mate’s air hose and deflate his or her spirit. For example, you are having a typical conversation, but you can tell there is a misunderstanding. One of you isn’t being clear or isn’t hearing correctly. Then and there you clarify the misunderstanding before your spouse’s spirit deflates. You lovingly or respectfully clarify matters so that your spouse will not feel unloved or disrespected. The reason you take pains to clarify a seemingly small matter is to prevent the situation from becoming a love and respect issue that needs decoding. Clarifying is what you do to stay off the Crazy Cycle and keep positive, energetic feelings flowing between the two of you, to keep yourselves on the Energizing Cycle.

Be quick to listen and understand and you have a much better chance of being understood.

In the ultimate sense you marriage has nothing to do with your spouse. It has everything to do with your relationship with Jesus Christ.

He will feel appreciated when you disagree with him only in private and honor his authority in front of the kids.

Stay the course regardless of the child’s respect and obedience. This is the Family Rewarded Cycle: a parents love unto Christ regardless of the child.

A major step toward a happy marriage is accepting differences and working them out with love and respect.

Your wife will feel esteemed when you speak highly of her in front of others.

The parent-child relationship is as easy, and as difficult, as love and respect.

Will we decide how we see God based on our circumstances, or will we see our circumstances in light of how we view God?

No matter how difficult your spouse may be at the moment, your spouse does not have control over your reaction; you do. You may be experiencing disappointment, frustration or anger, but you always have a choice. A wife can choose to be disrespectful or respectful. A husband can choose to be unloving or loving.

A wife has one driving need--to feel loved. When that need is met she is happy. A husband has one driving need--to feel respected. When that need is met he is happy. When either of these needs isn’t met, things get crazy. Love and Respect reveals why spouses react negatively to each other, and how they can deal with such conflict quickly, easily and biblically.

Your spouse has a need only you can fill.

We are worth Jesus to the Father.

Suppressing negative feelings is not loving, respectful or very wise. Speak up tactfully.

We have discovered that as women motivate their man God’s way, men are energized to love them better. It doesn’t matter if your marriage is good or seems like there is no hope. We have seen God move in powerful ways even when things looked hopeless.

Self-interest should never come ahead of your spouse’s interests.

[Husbands] the most powerful weapons you have are your ears. Just listen to your wife, and she is much more likely to feel understood.

A man has a natural, inborn desire to go out and “conquer” the challenges of his world – to work and achieve.

Marriage is a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and your reverence for Jesus Christ.

Although the Crazy Cycle is not what God intends for any marriage, all couples get on it at times from one degree to another.

When a husband feels disrespected, it is especially hard to love his wife. When a wife feels unloved, it is especially hard to respect her husband.

Words of wisdom for all husbands and wives are these: We easily see what is done to us before we see what we are doing to our mate.

Unconditional respect is as powerful to him as unconditional love is to her.

Men are solution oriented, they love to solve problems. They want to be helpful.

Clearly, in the marriage, in the family and in the household, when you speak words of blessing, you are speaking to the Lord, and for this you will be rewarded.

Our trustworthiness rests on our truthfulness.

Just because you’re offended doesn’t mean the other person is offensive.

Marital researchers agree that a huge percentage of communication problems between husband and wife are due not to what is said but to how it is said – the attitude and tone of voice.

Through Jesus and Peter, God set forth His standard for living in the unconditional dimension: choose to be loving even when the other person is not; do what is right regardless of the treatment you receive. I believe this standard applies directly to marriage. A husband who speaks lovingly to his disrespectful wife will be rewarded; and a wife who speaks respectfully to her unloving, not-worthy-of-respect husband will be rewarded. Whether you are husband or wife, the reward is what can keep you going in the midst of the craziness: knowing that God commends you, knowing that you have found his favor for your words and actions.

Your spouse may meet many of your needs, but your deepest dependency should be on your Lord.

Christian maturity involves a lot of things, but surely it includes knowing how to process your anger.

Let the Lord change you, but don’t try to change each other.

You both forgive for one simple but profound reason: because you know Christ has forgiven you!

When a wife feels unloved, it can be such a shock to her heart that she is oblivious to her disrespectful reactions toward her husband, though any man watching could see it plainly.

Optimism or pessimism? It is always a choice, no matter what your natural temperament.

“You can be right, but wrong at the top of your voice.”

If a husband loves his wife as he should, she will feel honored and respected. If a wife respects her husband as she should, he will feel loved and appreciated. It’s a win-win.

A strong woman of dignity puts on respect out of her love and reverence for Jesus Christ. She trusts that His word not only protects and empowers her, but also rewards her with incomprehensible eternal blessings.

You have to become proactive, rather than just trying to stop the reactive.

Thank the Lord for all the trouble-free moments in which you and your spouse enjoy Him, each other, your family, your ministry and life as a whole. Ask Him for the strength to accept your measure of trouble, and the wisdom to deal with the annoyances and irritations by loving and respecting each other with new commitment. (You may also want to pray about troubles at work, at church, with the children…) “But those who marry will have trouble in this life” (1 Corinthians 7:28)

A woman needs love like she needs air to breathe. A man needs respect like he needs air to breathe.

God is not pink. God is not blue. God is purple. When two become one, they have the potential of displaying God’s attributes and character.

Thank the Lord that in the very beginning He created them male and female – Blue and Pink. Ask Him for patience and ever-growing understanding of how men and women see and hear differently. “He created them male and female, and He blessed them.” (Genesis 5:2)

Positive changes flood a relationship immediately when both husband and wife cancel the blame game!

When you look to God and His Word as your ultimate source of significance and security, you don’t demand that your spouse take that role in your life. And as you draw strength from the Lord individually, He draws you closer together as a couple.

Do you seek to understand or only to be understood?

[Women], as you enter quiet dignity, not preaching at your husband or scolding him as though you were his mother, something happens in his soul as a male.

Your spouse has a need that you don’t have. Are you going to say there is something seriously wrong with them or will you say “Viva la Difference”?

Fight like a loving man and a respectful woman. Fight fair.

The difference between successful couples and unsuccessful couples is that successful ones keep getting up and dealing with the issues.

No matter what your struggle- criticism, constant conflict, sex, money, parenting, harsh words- learning to communicate the Love and Respect way can help you make crucial changes and build the kind of relationship that God blesses.

Your marriage is a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and reverence for Jesus Christ. God is using your spouse to bring you an eternal reward.

[Women], your self-love cannot be derived from your husband’s love. It can affect it, but it does not determine it.

Unconditional respect means we confront their wrongdoings respectfully. We do not become uncivil because they are. Who they fail to be does not determine who we will be.

You have two ears and one mouth; use them proportionately.

She’ll feel at peace with you when you let her vent your frustrations and hurts and don’t get angry and close her off.

Marriage is a tool and a test to allow God’s will to be revealed in our lives.