The Crazy Cycle In The Workplace - Study Guide (Download)

Being friendly to her man is one of the most effective things a woman can do to strengthen her marriage.

Troubles over sex and money do not cause a marriage to go under. The lack of love and respect during conflict cause the marriage to go under.

Marriage is a tool and a test to allow God’s will to be revealed in our lives.

Thank the Lord that in the very beginning He created them male and female – Blue and Pink. Ask Him for patience and ever-growing understanding of how men and women see and hear differently. “He created them male and female, and He blessed them.” (Genesis 5:2)

“Living happily ever after” means knowing how to deal with the imperfect parts of life.

He will feel appreciated when you disagree with him only in private and honor his authority in front of the kids.

His love motivates her respect. Her respect motivates his love.

Women give a report to build rapport. Men bond through shoulder-to-shoulder activities without talking.

There is a discrepancy between who we want to be and see ourselves to be and how we actually sound in voice and writing. But with self-reflection and honesty, we can turn the corner and improve our communication. We need only evaluate what we are about to communicate.

Will we decide how we see God based on our circumstances, or will we see our circumstances in light of how we view God?

It’s so easy to dismiss our spouse as childish because we don’t have the same vulnerabilities they do.

You have to become proactive, rather than just trying to stop the reactive.

You’re the only person in the world who can meet your spouse’s deepest need for love and respect. After all, you alone are married to your spouse.

When others do not respond to our communication, we need to look first at our communication style. Is the other person incapable of hearing what we have to say? Or are we abrupt, brusque, and curt?

When sorting out how to slow down the Crazy Cycle, it helps to remember that men are commanded to love because they don’t love naturally, and on the other side, women are commanded to respect because they don’t respect naturally.

Trust God when the “why’s” of life threaten to overwhelm you.

I often stress that one of the greatest rewards any persevering spouse can have is being a good example and influence on the children in the family.

When a wife asks, “Do you love me?” She is not trying to put her husband on the spot. She is simply looking for reassurance.

Your husband knows you value his friendship when you tell him you like him and you show it (he knows you love him, but he often wonders if you really like him).

The key to motivating another person is meeting their deepest need, especially during conflict.

Pink and Blue perceptions not only affect seeing, they affect hearing as well. Women hear with pink hearing aids and men hear with blue hearing aids. Even more important to understand as you and your spouse seek to gain better communication, you can hear the very same words, but each of you will hear different messages.

Your spouse may meet many of your needs, but your deepest dependency should be on your Lord.

When you relinquish an offense, you need to send that offense somewhere. So follow Jesus’ example and release it to your heavenly Father.

Marriage is a test of how you unconditionally love and respect your spouse as you obey, honor, and please the Lord.

Stay the course regardless of the child’s respect and obedience. This is the Family Rewarded Cycle: a parents love unto Christ regardless of the child.

You both forgive for one simple but profound reason: because you know Christ has forgiven you!

Christian maturity involves a lot of things, but surely it includes knowing how to process your anger.

We fool ourselves into thinking the other person causes us to be the way we are. They really don’t! But if we lock into that idea, we become helpless, hopeless victims.

“You can be right, but wrong at the top of your voice.”

When a wife feels unloved, it can be such a shock to her heart that she is oblivious to her disrespectful reactions toward her husband, though any man watching could see it plainly.

Our trustworthiness rests on our truthfulness.

Your hunger for God can create an appetite in your children.

We are worth Jesus to the Father.

Love and Respect is a faith venture, not a formula.

You must distinguish between “I can’t” and “I won’t.”

When confronting your spouse, attack the behavior, not the person.

Be a part of the solution, not part of the problem.

As a husband, if you can grasp that you don’t always have to solve your wife’s problems, you will take a giant step toward showing her empathy and understanding.

Research shows that 70% of the couples who were extremely unhappy in their marriage, but hung in there and worked through the tough time, identified themselves as being very happy five years later.

Do not live by the standards of Hollywood; trust what God says in His Holy Word.

Marriage is a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and your reverence for Jesus Christ.

Positive changes flood a relationship immediately when both husband and wife cancel the blame game!

We might say that every negative action in the family has an equal and opposite negative reaction.

Holding back your love or respect will just keep the Crazy Cycle spinning away, but being mature and making the first move could slow it down.

There is power and freedom that comes in understanding that no one can cause you to react in a certain way. It is your choice.

The Crazy Cycle is, indeed “the evil of folly and the foolishness of madness” (Ecclesiastes 7:25)

As mature men, we need to take leadership and put this out on the table. We must acknowledge our feelings- we need to feel respected. However, as we do this we must acknowledge our wife’s feelings- she needs to feel loved!

In your marriage be the first to “seek peace and pursue it” (1 Peter 3:11)

I had often asked God to compensate for my mistakes, but in return had I thought He would give me perfect children?

Whose voice are you listening to: Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?

Thank the Lord for the goodwill each of you has toward the other. Ask Him for strength to give each other the benefit of the doubt during moments when someone’s goodwill seems to be lacking. “He who seeks good finds goodwill, but evil comes to him who searches for it.” (Proverbs 11:27)

You can experience hurt, but it is your choice to hate.

Wives, you never know: The way you handle this [conflict] might bring your husband not only back to you, but to God. Husbands, you never know: The way you handle this [conflict] might bring your wife not only back to you, but to God. (1 Corinthians 7:16)

A wife has one driving need: to feel loved. When that need is met, she is happy. A husband has one driving need: to feel respected. When that need is met, he is happy. When either of these needs isn’t met, things get crazy with conflict.

A major step toward a happy marriage is accepting differences and working them out with love and respect.

We must bring our identity in Christ to our parenting—we must not derive our identity from our children.

If you want your husband to express appreciation for your attempts to be respectful, you must speak thankfully when he tries to be loving.

Assuming goodwill can be revolutionary in relationships.

It’s true that women have intuition and that men should listen to them. It’s also true that women have blind spots and need the insight of their husbands.

The parent-child relationship is as easy, and as difficult, as love and respect.

Mutual understanding, not communication, is the key to a healthy marriage relationship.

You can be right but wrong at the top of your voice.

To stay the course in speaking words of Love and Respect, keep your heart in Scripture, trusting in and talking about His promises to help you.

Recognize your different gifts--how each of you (Pink and Blue) functions according to God’s perfect design.

Mistakes can’t be undone, but they can be forgiven.

Above all trust God when the “whys” of life threaten to overwhelm you.

His love blesses regardless of her respect; her respect blesses regardless of his love.

A man has a natural, inborn desire to go out and “conquer” the challenges of his world – to work and achieve.

Avoid like the plague trying to punish each other as a means of “motivation.” Christ-followers instinctively know that this destroys any opportunity to act out of reverence for Christ. In all marital issues, love and reverence for Christ must be our primary motivation.

When you look to God and His Word as your ultimate source of significance and security, you don’t demand that your spouse take that role in your life. And as you draw strength from the Lord individually, He draws you closer together as a couple.

When Jesus said “turn the other cheek,” He wasn’t saying to be passive wimps. He was teaching that physically people can control you but if you turn and give the other cheek, suddenly you’re in control and you’re making the choices.

The Lord made women (Pink) and men (Blue) with differences, and He expects us to recognize and deal with those differences in a loving and respectful way.

Do you believe that there is a God who really loves you and wants to help you?

Before hitting send, ask yourself, "Have I listened carefully and understand the exact issue on the table?"

To get offended is easy, but to forgive is within your power as you walk in His steps.

How we react to a situation reveals more about us than about the other person.

Your words reveal your heart.

We can all have moments of anger, but this does not mean we have to lose control and sin.

One thing to remember in this culture is if we say something complimentary towards one gender, we aren’t saying something against the other.

Always see your mate as an ally. Feedback is of little use if you see your spouse as an enemy. Giving and receiving constructive feedback is based on feelings of goodwill in both partners. Both of you need to remember that, even if you don’t always agree and even if you become irritated or angry, you are friends, and neither of you means to hurt the other.

We easily see what is done to us before we see what we are doing to our mate.

Feeling unloved, a wife gets defensive and acts offensively without respect. Feeling disrespected, a husband gets defensive and acts offensively without love.

Never give up. If you want to have a strong marriage, you need to accept temporary setbacks as part of the game.

When a husband feels disrespected, it is especially hard to love his wife. When a wife feels unloved, it is especially hard to respect her husband.

Unconditional respect, like unconditional love, is all about how one sounds (tone of voice and word choice) and appears (facial expressions and physical actions).

God is not trying to trick you or mess with you. Trust that He wants to reveal Himself to you just as much as He wants to reveal Himself to the world.

If husbands and wives are to understand the Love and Respect Connection, they must realize that they communicate in code. And the problem is, they don’t know how to decipher the messages they send to one another.

When the wife flatly says her husband will have to earn her respect before she gives him any, she leaves the husband in a lose-lose situation. Now he is responsible for both love and respect in the relationship. He must unconditionally love his wife and earn her respect.

It is crucial for a husband and wife to see that neither one is wrong, but both of them are very different--in body function, outlook and perspective.

Words of love from a husband are like good medicine that brings life to the marriage.

Most marriages will succeed when obeying the command to Love and Respect.

Suppressing negative feelings is not loving, respectful or very wise. Speak up tactfully.

Assume goodwill about the person you are in conflict with.

Trusting and obeying God’s Word because we love and reverence God never, ever makes us a hypocrite! When the alarm goes off in the morning, we get up, even when we don’t feel like it getting up. Because we do what we don’t feel like doing, does that make us hypocrites? No, it’s a sign we are responsible people. Showing respectful behavior when we don’t “feel respectful” is evidence of maturity.

We are either going to give in the darkness or we are going to give into the darkness.

Men are solution oriented, they love to solve problems. They want to be helpful.

The difference between successful couples and unsuccessful couples is that successful ones keep getting up and dealing with the issues.

When you come home after you have been apart, the first few moments of reconnecting will set the tone for the rest of the evening.

You can be right in the argument, but wrong in your approach.

The heart of my communication means the other person cannot get my heart to be unkind, unloving, or disrespectful. Instead, I have made a decision about who I will be independent of the other person. I won’t blame my unkindness on someone else.