The Crazy Cycle In The Workplace - Study Guide (Download)

Never give up. If you want to have a strong marriage, you need to accept temporary setbacks as part of the game.

I often stress that one of the greatest rewards any persevering spouse can have is being a good example and influence on the children in the family.

You can experience hurt, but it is your choice to hate.

When Jesus said “turn the other cheek,” He wasn’t saying to be passive wimps. He was teaching that physically people can control you but if you turn and give the other cheek, suddenly you’re in control and you’re making the choices.

Since it is easy to focus on the negative, focus on your mate’s good qualities and express thanks with positive words of Love or Respect.

To stay the course in speaking words of Love and Respect, keep your heart in Scripture, trusting in and talking about His promises to help you.

God designed the woman to love. He’s not going to command her to agape her husband when He created her to do that in the first place. God is not into redundancy.

Do you seek to understand or only to be understood?

Your marriage is a test of your devotion to Christ.

When you play the blame game your marriage never wins.

The more we are upset at something, the wiser it is to let twenty-four hours pass before responding.

Responding to offensive words or actions with your own offensive words and actions is damaging and unproductive.

Fight like a loving man and a respectful woman. Fight fair.

[Women], your self-love cannot be derived from your husband’s love. It can affect it, but it does not determine it.

Always see your mate as an ally. Feedback is of little use if you see your spouse as an enemy. Giving and receiving constructive feedback is based on feelings of goodwill in both partners. Both of you need to remember that, even if you don’t always agree and even if you become irritated or angry, you are friends, and neither of you means to hurt the other.

Although the Crazy Cycle is not what God intends for any marriage, all couples get on it at times from one degree to another.

Most marriages will succeed when obeying the command to Love and Respect.

“With eyes of faith, envision Jesus standing just beyond the shoulder of your spouse and listening to every word you speak in every conversation, pleasant or tense. When you speak lovingly or respectfully to your spouse, you are speaking to Christ. Your spouse just happens to be there too.” This truth has sanctified the lips of many. Instead of giving their spouse a verbal whipping or choking on the idea of saying anything positive, now some spouses are motivated to speak words of unconditional love or respect.

When a husband chooses to come across lovingly even though he feels disrespected, he can prevent the Crazy Cycle from spinning and possibly getting out of control.

When a husband chooses to do or say something loving, and that includes saying, ‘I’m sorry for coming across in an unloving way,’ he energizes his wife. When a wife decides to express herself respectfully, and that includes apologizing for her disrespectful attitude, she energizes her husband.

We can all have moments of anger, but this does not mean we have to lose control and sin.

Though the end can be worthy (to be loved and respected), when each uses unholy means (unloving and disrespectful words and actions), it will not achieve those ends. We must treat others as we expect them to treat us. To deny this makes us arrogant or fools, or both.

We are either going to give in the darkness or we are going to give into the darkness.

A woman needs love like she needs air to breathe. A man needs respect like he needs air to breathe.

Let the Lord change you, but don’t try to change each other.

When a husband feels disrespected, it is especially hard to love his wife. When a wife feels unloved, it is especially hard to respect her husband.

We might say that every negative action in the family has an equal and opposite negative reaction.

The Lord made women (Pink) and men (Blue) with differences, and He expects us to recognize and deal with those differences in a loving and respectful way.

Clarifying is what you do before you step on your mate’s air hose and deflate his or her spirit. For example, you are having a typical conversation, but you can tell there is a misunderstanding. One of you isn’t being clear or isn’t hearing correctly. Then and there you clarify the misunderstanding before your spouse’s spirit deflates. You lovingly or respectfully clarify matters so that your spouse will not feel unloved or disrespected. The reason you take pains to clarify a seemingly small matter is to prevent the situation from becoming a love and respect issue that needs decoding. Clarifying is what you do to stay off the Crazy Cycle and keep positive, energetic feelings flowing between the two of you, to keep yourselves on the Energizing Cycle.

How we react to a situation reveals more about us than about the other person.

Often both spouses have goodwill but are not deciphering each other’s code. She criticizes out of love, but he “hears” only disrespect. He distances himself to prevent feelings from escalating, which is the honorable thing to do, but she “sees” only his failure to be loving!

When you possess a forgiving spirit, words of Love and Respect will flow authentically from your lips- and realize that the Lord Himself is listening to you at moments like these. He knows you are not powerless, but actually full of power that He has granted you.

Words of wisdom for all husbands and wives are these: We easily see what is done to us before we see what we are doing to our mate.

Research shows that 70% of the couples who were extremely unhappy in their marriage, but hung in there and worked through the tough time, identified themselves as being very happy five years later.

Don’t label each other as bad because you differ on how you solve your troubles.

Your marriage is a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and reverence for Jesus Christ. God is using your spouse to bring you an eternal reward.

Unconditional love or respect is never wasted. Hang onto this promise: “Let us not lose heart in doing good, for in due time we will reap if we do not grow weary” (Galatians 6:9).

Women give a report to build rapport. Men bond through shoulder-to-shoulder activities without talking.

When a wife feels unloved, it can be such a shock to her heart that she is oblivious to her disrespectful reactions toward her husband, though any man watching could see it plainly.

Your spouse can affect you, but your spouse does not control you.

The Crazy Cycle is, indeed “the evil of folly and the foolishness of madness” (Ecclesiastes 7:25)

The moment we cry to Him for help, He is already pleased. He gives us strength to love our children.

If husbands and wives are to understand the Love and Respect Connection, they must realize that they communicate in code. And the problem is, they don’t know how to decipher the messages they send to one another.

Just because you’re offended doesn’t mean the other person is offensive.

Do you believe that there is a God who really loves you and wants to help you?

Wives, you never know: The way you handle this [conflict] might bring your husband not only back to you, but to God. Husbands, you never know: The way you handle this [conflict] might bring your wife not only back to you, but to God. (1 Corinthians 7:16)

If a husband chooses to be a peacemaker--taking the needs and concerns of his wife totally into account during any kind of argument or conflict--his wife will be motivated in turn to respond to his authority during stalemates.

When your wife comes to talk to you, listen to her. Realize she is coming to you because you matter more to her than anyone else. She has certain emotional needs and only you can meet them. Sometimes she may say things that don’t make sense to you and she is apt to misspeak and exaggerate when she is upset, but don’t put her down. Instead, listen to her heart. Give her a chance to express her concerns and, as she does so, don’t try to fix her. Don’t give her your solutions unless she asks for them.

Our research shows that couples who pray together are more apt to reap all kinds of benefits, including better and more frequent communication, going on “dates” more frequently and having sex more frequently.

No matter what your struggle- criticism, constant conflict, sex, money, parenting, harsh words- learning to communicate the Love and Respect way can help you make crucial changes and build the kind of relationship that God blesses.

You speak lovingly or respectfully no matter how your spouse may speak to you in return. Your spouse is not the reason--good or bad--why you speak unconditional words of love or respect. God is the reason, and as you depend on Him, you will become increasingly able to speak lovingly and respectfully to your spouse.

Life is too short to fuss and fret over trivial irritations.

Holding back your love or respect will just keep the Crazy Cycle spinning away, but being mature and making the first move could slow it down.

Marital researchers agree that a huge percentage of communication problems between husband and wife are due not to what is said but to how it is said – the attitude and tone of voice.

God is not trying to trick you or mess with you. Trust that He wants to reveal Himself to you just as much as He wants to reveal Himself to the world.

When you come home after you have been apart, the first few moments of reconnecting will set the tone for the rest of the evening.

The key to motivating another person is meeting their deepest need, especially during conflict.

God rewards your obedience to love and respect, even if your spouse does not respond!

Feeling unloved, a wife gets defensive and acts offensively without respect. Feeling disrespected, a husband gets defensive and acts offensively without love.

Suppressing negative feelings is not loving, respectful or very wise. Speak up tactfully.

Whose voice are you listening to: Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?

You can be right but wrong at the top of your voice.

When you look to God and His Word as your ultimate source of significance and security, you don’t demand that your spouse take that role in your life. And as you draw strength from the Lord individually, He draws you closer together as a couple.

“Respect is a man’s deepest value. I have had numerous men tell me, ‘I would rather live with a wife who respected me but did not love me than live with a wife who loved me but did not respect me.’ These men are not saying that they are indifferent to love. They know they need love, but they need to feel respected even more than they need to feel loved.“

She’ll feel at peace with you when you let her vent your frustrations and hurts and don’t get angry and close her off.

Marriage is a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and your reverence for Jesus Christ.

You must distinguish between “I can’t” and “I won’t.”

Being a person who communicates what is true frequently demands tact, and at times it can feel like sidestepping land mines. It takes work to be both truthful and tactful.

Christian maturity involves a lot of things, but surely it includes knowing how to process your anger.

When there is confusion, I try to refrain from attacking another for not listening carefully (which may not be the case). Instead, I take a run at communicating again, but more clearly.

Don’t pressure yourself with perfection. We are going to fail. A righteous man falls 7 times but gets back up.

His love blesses regardless of her respect; her respect blesses regardless of his love.

A most significant point of this book is this: If what we think is true, kind, necessary, and clear, we need to have the courage to hit send. This isn’t about refraining from speaking; this is about speaking.

Your words reveal your heart.

If a husband is commanded to agape- love his wife, then she truly needs love.

The mature one in the marriage seldom moves second.

Thank God for His forgiveness of your mistakes. In trying to be a loving man or a respectful woman, we blow it. Owning up to mistakes is never easy, but it is always the way to move forward. Take good care not to accuse your spouse of mistakes as you pray. Also, pray about any forgiving to be done in the family, any forgiveness that needs to be asked. Children may need forgiveness (and what about Mom and Dad?). “There is no one on earth who does what is right all the time and never makes a mistake.” (Ecclesiastes 7:20)

You have to become proactive, rather than just trying to stop the reactive.

Being friendly to her man is one of the most effective things a woman can do to strengthen her marriage.

Thank the Lord that in the very beginning He created them male and female – Blue and Pink. Ask Him for patience and ever-growing understanding of how men and women see and hear differently. “He created them male and female, and He blessed them.” (Genesis 5:2)

This is the Rewarded Cycle: His love blesses regardless of her respect and her respect blesses regardless of his love.

A marriage relationship will be energized when couples learn how to motivate each other God’s way.

Do you bow to the influence of Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?

Stay the course regardless of the child’s respect and obedience. This is the Family Rewarded Cycle: a parents love unto Christ regardless of the child.

Your spouse has a need only you can fill.

He will feel appreciated when you disagree with him only in private and honor his authority in front of the kids.

It is so easy to draw wrong conclusions about a spouse’s character and motives due to an occasional flare-up or silly comment.

There is a discrepancy between who we want to be and see ourselves to be and how we actually sound in voice and writing. But with self-reflection and honesty, we can turn the corner and improve our communication. We need only evaluate what we are about to communicate.

Will we decide how we see God based on our circumstances, or will we see our circumstances in light of how we view God?

Trust God when the “why’s” of life threaten to overwhelm you.

Mutual submission is the only way to live fairly together with mutual authority.

The Love and Respect message is not about a husband earning his wife’s respect by being more loving any more than it is about a wife earning her husband’s love by being more respectful. Always love or respect is given unconditionally according to God’s commands.

If you are seeking positive change in your marriage, you will need to make a positive change in your attitude and actions.

As mature men, we need to take leadership and put this out on the table. We must acknowledge our feelings- we need to feel respected. However, as we do this we must acknowledge our wife’s feelings- she needs to feel loved!

Your wife feels you are open with her when you discuss financial concerns, possible job changes or ideas for your future.

God is not pink. God is not blue. God is purple. When two become one, they have the potential of displaying God’s attributes and character.

Trusting and obeying God’s Word because we love and reverence God never, ever makes us a hypocrite! When the alarm goes off in the morning, we get up, even when we don’t feel like it getting up. Because we do what we don’t feel like doing, does that make us hypocrites? No, it’s a sign we are responsible people. Showing respectful behavior when we don’t “feel respectful” is evidence of maturity.

A husband may deserve contempt, but that doesn’t win him any more than harshness and anger wins the heart of a woman.

It’s hard to realize that we would never act around our business associates the way we act around our spouse.

Your husband knows you value his friendship when you tell him you like him and you show it (he knows you love him, but he often wonders if you really like him).