The Crazy Cycle In The Workplace - Study Guide (Download)

Be friendly. Be friendly. Be friendly. Watch what happens.

A major step toward a happy marriage is accepting differences and working them out with love and respect.

When a wife insists that her husband earn her respect, she puts him in a lose-lose situation.

As mature men, we need to take leadership and put this out on the table. We must acknowledge our feelings- we need to feel respected. However, as we do this we must acknowledge our wife’s feelings- she needs to feel loved!

To stay the course in speaking words of Love and Respect, keep your heart in Scripture, trusting in and talking about His promises to help you.

We have different vulnerabilities. We can pass judgment on one another all day long or we can say God made us different and that’s ok.

A man has a natural, inborn desire to go out and “conquer” the challenges of his world – to work and achieve.

Money squabbles don’t undermine love and respect; they simply reveal unloving and disrespectful attitudes, which are the real reason why a marriage can start to wobble on the Crazy Cycle.

Marriage is a tool and a test to allow God’s will to be revealed in our lives.

If a husband loves his wife as he should, she will feel honored and respected. If a wife respects her husband as she should, he will feel loved and appreciated. It’s a win-win.

Men are solution oriented, they love to solve problems. They want to be helpful.

Unconditional love or respect is never wasted. Hang onto this promise: “Let us not lose heart in doing good, for in due time we will reap if we do not grow weary” (Galatians 6:9).

It’s crucial to communicate with the right tone of voice and the right expression on your face.

Just because you may feel unloved or disrespected does not mean your spouse is sending that message.

Never give up. If you want to have a strong marriage, you need to accept temporary setbacks as part of the game.

Above all trust God when the “whys” of life threaten to overwhelm you.

There is a discrepancy between who we want to be and see ourselves to be and how we actually sound in voice and writing. But with self-reflection and honesty, we can turn the corner and improve our communication. We need only evaluate what we are about to communicate.

Thank the Lord for all the trouble-free moments in which you and your spouse enjoy Him, each other, your family, your ministry and life as a whole. Ask Him for the strength to accept your measure of trouble, and the wisdom to deal with the annoyances and irritations by loving and respecting each other with new commitment. (You may also want to pray about troubles at work, at church, with the children…) “But those who marry will have trouble in this life” (1 Corinthians 7:28)

When one of you makes a mistake, control any anger you may feel and trust God completely, no matter what happens.

Every marriage includes trouble some of the time. Do not let the 20% leaven all the rest.

We all need love and respect equally. But, during conflict our felt needs are as different as pink is from blue.

Your spouse has a need that you don’t have. Are you going to say there is something seriously wrong with them or will you say “Viva la Difference”?

When there is confusion, I try to refrain from attacking another for not listening carefully (which may not be the case). Instead, I take a run at communicating again, but more clearly.

Do you believe that there is a God who really loves you and wants to help you?

To not forgive is to shoot yourself in the foot and put extra gas in the Crazy Cycle.

Pink and Blue perceptions not only affect seeing, they affect hearing as well. Women hear with pink hearing aids and men hear with blue hearing aids. Even more important to understand as you and your spouse seek to gain better communication, you can hear the very same words, but each of you will hear different messages.

His love blesses regardless of her respect; her respect blesses regardless of his love.

Thank God for His forgiveness of your mistakes. In trying to be a loving man or a respectful woman, we blow it. Owning up to mistakes is never easy, but it is always the way to move forward. Take good care not to accuse your spouse of mistakes as you pray. Also, pray about any forgiving to be done in the family, any forgiveness that needs to be asked. Children may need forgiveness (and what about Mom and Dad?). “There is no one on earth who does what is right all the time and never makes a mistake.” (Ecclesiastes 7:20)

Mutual understanding, not communication, is the key to a healthy marriage relationship.

Assuming goodwill can be revolutionary in relationships.

When you look to God and His Word as your ultimate source of significance and security, you don’t demand that your spouse take that role in your life. And as you draw strength from the Lord individually, He draws you closer together as a couple.

Husbands, to energize your wife give her face-to-face time, allowing her to talk and share her feelings.

Thank the Lord for the goodwill each of you has toward the other. Ask Him for strength to give each other the benefit of the doubt during moments when someone’s goodwill seems to be lacking. “He who seeks good finds goodwill, but evil comes to him who searches for it.” (Proverbs 11:27)

When you possess a forgiving spirit, words of Love and Respect will flow authentically from your lips- and realize that the Lord Himself is listening to you at moments like these. He knows you are not powerless, but actually full of power that He has granted you.

Since it is easy to focus on the negative, focus on your mate’s good qualities and express thanks with positive words of Love or Respect.

You must distinguish between “I can’t” and “I won’t.”

As strong and powerful as marriage bonds can become, our deepest dependency must be on the Lord, not another human being.

It is hard to be negative while being thankful.

When parents genuinely trust and follow the Lord and His ways, their faith spills over onto the children.

If you are seeking positive change in your marriage, you will need to make a positive change in your attitude and actions.

Words of Love and Respect must include thankfulness spoken to or about your spouse; don’t fixate on weaknesses and faults.

Research shows that 70% of the couples who were extremely unhappy in their marriage, but hung in there and worked through the tough time, identified themselves as being very happy five years later.

God rewards your obedience to love and respect, even if your spouse does not respond!

We easily see what is done to us before we see what we are doing to our mate.

How we react to a situation reveals more about us than about the other person.

Focus on the positive in the midst of the negative, and the Energizing Cycle will keep right on humming.

He will feel appreciated when you disagree with him only in private and honor his authority in front of the kids.

Be quick to listen and understand and you have a much better chance of being understood.

It’s true that women have intuition and that men should listen to them. It’s also true that women have blind spots and need the insight of their husbands.

Your spouse has a need only you can fill.

Research and experience prove that men and women see and hear differently. Recognizing these differences and adjusting to them is absolutely necessary for reaching mutual understanding and better communication.

[Husbands] the most powerful weapons you have are your ears. Just listen to your wife, and she is much more likely to feel understood.

Avoid like the plague trying to punish each other as a means of “motivation.” Christ-followers instinctively know that this destroys any opportunity to act out of reverence for Christ. In all marital issues, love and reverence for Christ must be our primary motivation.

Your spouse may meet many of your needs, but your deepest dependency should be on your Lord.

Unconditional respect, like unconditional love, is all about how one sounds (tone of voice and word choice) and appears (facial expressions and physical actions).

Your wife will feel esteemed when you speak highly of her in front of others.

Often the apparent issue isn’t the real issue; the real issue is always a matter of love or respect.

You can be right in the argument, but wrong in your approach.

We are either going to give in the darkness or we are going to give into the darkness.

Ladies, be careful. “A nagging wife goes on and on like the drip, drip, drip of the rain” (Proverbs 19:13).

The moment we cry to Him for help, He is already pleased. He gives us strength to love our children.

No matter how difficult your spouse may be at the moment, your spouse does not have control over your reaction; you do. You may be experiencing disappointment, frustration or anger, but you always have a choice. A wife can choose to be disrespectful or respectful. A husband can choose to be unloving or loving.

When you look to God and His Word as your ultimate source of significance and security, you don’t demand that your spouse take that role in your life. And as you draw strength from the Lord individually, He draws you closer together as a couple.

If a husband chooses to be a peacemaker--taking the needs and concerns of his wife totally into account during any kind of argument or conflict--his wife will be motivated in turn to respond to his authority during stalemates.

God is not pink. God is not blue. God is purple. When two become one, they have the potential of displaying God’s attributes and character.

Responding to offensive words or actions with your own offensive words and actions is damaging and unproductive.

The difference between successful couples and unsuccessful couples is that successful ones keep getting up and dealing with the issues.

A woman needs love like she needs air to breathe. A man needs respect like he needs air to breathe.

When a husband feels disrespected, he has a natural tendency to react in ways that feel unloving to his wife. (Perhaps the command to love was given to him precisely for this reason!) When a wife feels unloved, she has a natural tendency to react in ways that feel disrespectful to her husband. (Perhaps the command to respect was given to her precisely for this reason!)

If you want your wife to express appreciation for your attempts to be loving, you must use thankful words when she tries to speak or act respectfully.

When you come home after you have been apart, the first few moments of reconnecting will set the tone for the rest of the evening.

When we feel crippling discouragement by the sinful choices and outcomes of our kids, we must not let this permanently deter us from parenting God’s way.

You have to become proactive, rather than just trying to stop the reactive.

Your spouse deserves the truth from you. Do your best to tell it with love and respect.

Share what God is saying to your heart, not what you think He needs to say to your mate.

Do you seek to understand or only to be understood?

Mistakes can’t be undone, but they can be forgiven.

God designed the woman to love. He’s not going to command her to agape her husband when He created her to do that in the first place. God is not into redundancy.

The Crazy Cycle is, indeed “the evil of folly and the foolishness of madness” (Ecclesiastes 7:25)

[Husbands] as the church places her burdens on Christ, so a woman needs to place her burdens on her husband. When she shares with you, don’t assume she is asking you to solve the problem. Ask your wife, “Do you want a solution or a listening ear?”

Do you give yourself grace and your spouse judgment?

Husbands primarily want to hear ‘respect” talk during conflict. Wives primarily want to hear “love” talk during conflict.

[Women], your self-love cannot be derived from your husband’s love. It can affect it, but it does not determine it.

Your marriage is a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and reverence for Jesus Christ. God is using your spouse to bring you an eternal reward.

If we subscribe to the belief that because we are equal we are the same, then we’re going to expect our spouse to respond the way we do.

The more we are upset at something, the wiser it is to let twenty-four hours pass before responding.

Women give a report to build rapport. Men bond through shoulder-to-shoulder activities without talking.

Being friendly to her man is one of the most effective things a woman can do to strengthen her marriage.

When the wife flatly says her husband will have to earn her respect before she gives him any, she leaves the husband in a lose-lose situation. Now he is responsible for both love and respect in the relationship. He must unconditionally love his wife and earn her respect.

It is so easy to draw wrong conclusions about a spouse’s character and motives due to an occasional flare-up or silly comment.

No matter what your struggle- criticism, constant conflict, sex, money, parenting, harsh words- learning to communicate the Love and Respect way can help you make crucial changes and build the kind of relationship that God blesses.

When sorting out how to slow down the Crazy Cycle, it helps to remember that men are commanded to love because they don’t love naturally, and on the other side, women are commanded to respect because they don’t respect naturally.

[Women], as you enter quiet dignity, not preaching at your husband or scolding him as though you were his mother, something happens in his soul as a male.

To build a lasting legacy, use proven wisdom that you glean from the Lord.

“You can be right, but wrong at the top of your voice.”

When you play the blame game your marriage never wins.

Our research shows that couples who pray together are more apt to reap all kinds of benefits, including better and more frequent communication, going on “dates” more frequently and having sex more frequently.

Always try to look at your spouse the way Jesus does.

Respect for the husband is just as important as love for the wife.

You can experience hurt, but it is your choice to hate.