The Crazy Cycle In The Workplace - Study Guide (Download)

Mutual submission is the only way to live fairly together with mutual authority.

Positive changes flood a relationship immediately when both husband and wife cancel the blame game!

Don’t conclude that your spouse is wrong when he/she is seeking to do the right and righteous thing.

Your spouse has a need that you don’t have. Are you going to say there is something seriously wrong with them or will you say “Viva la Difference”?

The Lord made women (Pink) and men (Blue) with differences, and He expects us to recognize and deal with those differences in a loving and respectful way.

Your spouse can affect you, but your spouse does not control you.

Troubles over sex and money do not cause a marriage to go under. The lack of love and respect during conflict cause the marriage to go under.

Love and Respect is a faith venture, not a formula.

When a husband chooses to come across lovingly even though he feels disrespected, he can prevent the Crazy Cycle from spinning and possibly getting out of control.

Your spouse may meet many of your needs, but your deepest dependency should be on your Lord.

Unconditional respect, like unconditional love, is all about how one sounds (tone of voice and word choice) and appears (facial expressions and physical actions).

Your husband knows you value his friendship when you tell him you like him and you show it (he knows you love him, but he often wonders if you really like him).

Husbands, to energize your wife give her face-to-face time, allowing her to talk and share her feelings.

She’ll feel at peace with you when you let her vent your frustrations and hurts and don’t get angry and close her off.

Could you be facing a crisis in faith more than a crisis in your marriage?

Thank God for joining you together and for allowing you to trust Him to help you, whatever the issue. God is there for you and expects you to look to Him to keep you together as a team, so ask Him for His help in the smallest of concerns. “So they are no longer two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate.” (Matthew 19:6)

Always remember that Pink and Blue have different wiring, different preferences. Assume your spouse has goodwill toward you, no matter what. Both of you can be right, while being different.

Most marriages will succeed when obeying the command to Love and Respect.

We fool ourselves into thinking the other person causes us to be the way we are. They really don’t! But if we lock into that idea, we become helpless, hopeless victims.

Thank God for His forgiveness of your mistakes. In trying to be a loving man or a respectful woman, we blow it. Owning up to mistakes is never easy, but it is always the way to move forward. Take good care not to accuse your spouse of mistakes as you pray. Also, pray about any forgiving to be done in the family, any forgiveness that needs to be asked. Children may need forgiveness (and what about Mom and Dad?). “There is no one on earth who does what is right all the time and never makes a mistake.” (Ecclesiastes 7:20)

Respect for the husband is just as important as love for the wife.

Responding to offensive words or actions with your own offensive words and actions is damaging and unproductive.

Trusting and obeying God’s Word because we love and reverence God never, ever makes us a hypocrite! When the alarm goes off in the morning, we get up, even when we don’t feel like it getting up. Because we do what we don’t feel like doing, does that make us hypocrites? No, it’s a sign we are responsible people. Showing respectful behavior when we don’t “feel respectful” is evidence of maturity.

In the ultimate sense, your marriage has nothing to do with your spouse. It has everything to do with your relationship to Jesus Christ.

When the wife flatly says her husband will have to earn her respect before she gives him any, she leaves the husband in a lose-lose situation. Now he is responsible for both love and respect in the relationship. He must unconditionally love his wife and earn her respect.

Clarifying is what you do before you step on your mate’s air hose and deflate his or her spirit. For example, you are having a typical conversation, but you can tell there is a misunderstanding. One of you isn’t being clear or isn’t hearing correctly. Then and there you clarify the misunderstanding before your spouse’s spirit deflates. You lovingly or respectfully clarify matters so that your spouse will not feel unloved or disrespected. The reason you take pains to clarify a seemingly small matter is to prevent the situation from becoming a love and respect issue that needs decoding. Clarifying is what you do to stay off the Crazy Cycle and keep positive, energetic feelings flowing between the two of you, to keep yourselves on the Energizing Cycle.

The Crazy Cycle is, indeed, “the evil of folly and the foolishness of madness” (Ecclesiastes 7:25).

Share what God is saying to your heart, not what you think He needs to say to your mate.

Wives, you never know: The way you handle this [conflict] might bring your husband not only back to you, but to God. Husbands, you never know: The way you handle this [conflict] might bring your wife not only back to you, but to God. (1 Corinthians 7:16)

You can be right in the argument, but wrong in your approach.

Every marriage includes trouble some of the time. Do not let the 20% leaven all the rest.

Words of Love or Respect must uplift your spouse, edifying- never manipulating him or her.

When parents genuinely trust and follow the Lord and His ways, their faith spills over onto the children.

We are equal but we are not the same.

We blame people for the bad things we do, but take credit for the good things we do.

If we subscribe to the belief that because we are equal we are the same, then we’re going to expect our spouse to respond the way we do.

I had often asked God to compensate for my mistakes, but in return had I thought He would give me perfect children?

When sorting out how to slow down the Crazy Cycle, it helps to remember that men are commanded to love because they don’t love naturally, and on the other side, women are commanded to respect because they don’t respect naturally.

How we react to a situation reveals more about us than about the other person.

It’s crucial to communicate with the right tone of voice and the right expression on your face.

Your wife will feel esteemed when you speak highly of her in front of others.

Negative actions rarely produce positive results.

When evil comes at you, you’re the one who makes the choice of whether or not it is going to go into you.

We can all have moments of anger, but this does not mean we have to lose control and sin.

Your marriage is a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and reverence for Jesus Christ. God is using your spouse to bring you an eternal reward.

With a better understanding of God’s promises, you will be on your way to a renewed mind and a changed life.

God is not pink. God is not blue. God is purple. When two become one, they have the potential of displaying God’s attributes and character.

The key to motivating another person is meeting their deepest need, especially during conflict.

If you want your husband to express appreciation for your attempts to be respectful, you must speak thankfully when he tries to be loving.

Optimism or pessimism? It is always a choice, no matter what your natural temperament.

Words of Love and Respect must include thankfulness spoken to or about your spouse; don’t fixate on weaknesses and faults.

When you love or respect unconditionally regardless of the outcome, you are following God and His will for you.

When a wife asks, “Do you love me?” She is not trying to put her husband on the spot. She is simply looking for reassurance.

Through Jesus and Peter, God set forth His standard for living in the unconditional dimension: choose to be loving even when the other person is not; do what is right regardless of the treatment you receive. I believe this standard applies directly to marriage. A husband who speaks lovingly to his disrespectful wife will be rewarded; and a wife who speaks respectfully to her unloving, not-worthy-of-respect husband will be rewarded. Whether you are husband or wife, the reward is what can keep you going in the midst of the craziness: knowing that God commends you, knowing that you have found his favor for your words and actions.

Money squabbles don’t undermine love and respect; they simply reveal unloving and disrespectful attitudes, which are the real reason why a marriage can start to wobble on the Crazy Cycle.

When Jesus said “turn the other cheek,” He wasn’t saying to be passive wimps. He was teaching that physically people can control you but if you turn and give the other cheek, suddenly you’re in control and you’re making the choices.

No matter how difficult your spouse may be at the moment, your spouse does not have control over your reaction; you do. You may be experiencing disappointment, frustration, or anger, but you always have a choice.

Our trustworthiness rests on our truthfulness.

If you are seeking positive change in your marriage, you will need to make a positive change in your attitude and actions.

We all need love and respect equally. But, during conflict our felt needs are as different as pink is from blue.

It’s so easy to dismiss our spouse as childish because we don’t have the same vulnerabilities they do.

God’s commands are not burdensome, but are given to us to spare us from more pain. Why would God command you to do something that doesn’t work?

When we feel crippling discouragement by the sinful choices and outcomes of our kids, we must not let this permanently deter us from parenting God’s way.

Your spouse can have a need that you don’t have and that’s okay.

We have different vulnerabilities. We can pass judgment on one another all day long or we can say God made us different and that’s ok.

Your marriage is really a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and reverence for your Lord.

If you want your wife to express appreciation for your attempts to be loving, you must use thankful words when she tries to speak or act respectfully.

To not forgive is to shoot yourself in the foot and put extra gas in the Crazy Cycle.

Getting married reveals, usually sooner than later, an incontestable fact: your spouse cannot possibly meet all your needs and desires

Feeling unloved, a wife gets defensive and acts offensively without respect. Feeling disrespected, a husband gets defensive and acts offensively without love.

Pink and Blue perceptions not only affect seeing, they affect hearing as well. Women hear with pink hearing aids and men hear with blue hearing aids. Even more important to understand as you and your spouse seek to gain better communication, you can hear the very same words, but each of you will hear different messages.

The parent-child relationship is as easy, and as difficult, as love and respect.

When we speak before we think, we widen the chances the other person(s) will be notably hurt, frustrated, confused, angry, fearful, or offended by something we’ve communicated.

Accidental sparks (unwise remarks) ignite and fuel a fire, and vroom goes the Crazy Cycle.

Truth will carry its own weight if delivered respectfully and lovingly.

Can you begin to trust that God feels love for you even when you don’t feel that love?

Above all trust God when the “whys” of life threaten to overwhelm you.

Recognize your different gifts--how each of you (Pink and Blue) functions according to God’s perfect design.

Although the Crazy Cycle is not what God intends for any marriage, all couples get on it at times from one degree to another.

Words of wisdom for all husbands and wives are these: We easily see what is done to us before we see what we are doing to our mate.

Wives, to energize your husband do an activity with him, shoulder-to-shoulder, without talking.

His love motivates her respect. Her respect motivates his love.

Unconditional love or respect is never wasted. Hang onto this promise: “Let us not lose heart in doing good, for in due time we will reap if we do not grow weary” (Galatians 6:9).

Research shows that 70% of the couples who were extremely unhappy in their marriage, but hung in there and worked through the tough time, identified themselves as being very happy five years later.

To build a lasting legacy, use proven wisdom that you glean from the Lord.

I have concluded that those of us in the church who believe we have the Truth are not using the whole truth. A crucial part of God’s Word has been completely ignored, or perhaps simply gone unnoticed, when it has been there right under our noses the whole time! Many Christian spouses know Ephesians 5:33 and can at least paraphrase it. The Apostle Paul tells husbands to love their wives as much as they love themselves, and wives are to respect their husbands. But is anyone really listening? Perhaps the first step to better communication between husband and wife is to hear what God’s Word clearly says. --Emerson

Do you understand that God feels compassion for you, no matter what you have done or what your circumstances may be?

Being a person who communicates what is true frequently demands tact, and at times it can feel like sidestepping land mines. It takes work to be both truthful and tactful.

“With eyes of faith, envision Jesus standing just beyond the shoulder of your spouse and listening to every word you speak in every conversation, pleasant or tense. When you speak lovingly or respectfully to your spouse, you are speaking to Christ. Your spouse just happens to be there too.” This truth has sanctified the lips of many. Instead of giving their spouse a verbal whipping or choking on the idea of saying anything positive, now some spouses are motivated to speak words of unconditional love or respect.

[Women], as you enter quiet dignity, not preaching at your husband or scolding him as though you were his mother, something happens in his soul as a male.

Often the apparent issue isn’t the real issue; the real issue is always a matter of love or respect.

You can experience hurt, but it is your choice to hate.

Self-interest should never come ahead of your spouse’s interests.

To get offended is easy, but to forgive is within your power as you walk in His steps.

When your wife comes to talk to you, listen to her. Realize she is coming to you because you matter more to her than anyone else. She has certain emotional needs and only you can meet them. Sometimes she may say things that don’t make sense to you and she is apt to misspeak and exaggerate when she is upset, but don’t put her down. Instead, listen to her heart. Give her a chance to express her concerns and, as she does so, don’t try to fix her. Don’t give her your solutions unless she asks for them.

Since it is easy to focus on the negative, focus on your mate’s good qualities and express thanks with positive words of Love or Respect.

We easily see what is done to us before we see what we are doing to our mate.

Your hunger for God can create an appetite in your children.

As a wife, if you can start to understand how important your husband’s work is to him, you will take a giant step toward communicating respect and honor, two things that he values even more than your love.

Thank the Lord that in the very beginning He created them male and female – Blue and Pink. Ask Him for patience and ever-growing understanding of how men and women see and hear differently. “He created them male and female, and He blessed them.” (Genesis 5:2)