The Crazy Cycle In Marriage - Study Guide (Download)
This is a digital study guide that goes with The Crazy Cycle In Marriage video course. This purchase is for single-use license - Order as many as you will need.
The Crazy Cycle In Marriage Study Guide
Digital Download
The Crazy Cycle in Marriage Workbook (download) completes the 4-part video-driven Bible study from Right Now Media (also available as a L&R course) and includes leader's guide notes, summaries and discussion questions for all four sessions, and information on how to get the most out of this video study.
Whether you're studying on your own or leading a group as a volunteer or a paid staff member, this downloadable material will help you and your group focus on the meaningful teaching in The Crazy Cycle in Marriage.
In order for every member of your group to get the most out of this series, everyone will need a copy of the workbook.
Read What Others Are Saying About The Crazy Cycle in Marriage!
"My husband and I ... were definitely on the crazy cycle. We didn't know it until recognizing it after your explanation. It was like a light bulb went off showing us what we were doing over and over again."
Wife
"My marriage is changed forever! I want to let men who are struggling know that they can change their marriage. If you apply these principles, they will make a difference, my marriage is living proof."
Husband
"We were constantly on the Crazy cycle...but I started to act on some of your suggestions. I was amazed at the changes in our marriage."
Couple
"I’m a pastor and was looking for a DVD series to use with couples in pastoral counseling. I feel thrilled that I was able to get the Crazy Cycle 4 session series [online] to help them."
Pastor
"Thank you for helping families to understand and be better. Also, thank you for helping us again to rely on God to help transform us!"
Wife
"Excellent videos. My husband and I have learned what causes us to get on the crazy cycle during conflict. That has been eye opening and an area for growth in our marriage. He is my ally, not my enemy."
Wife
"My husband and I ... were definitely on the crazy cycle. We didn't know it until recognizing it after your explanation. It was like a light bulb went off showing us what we were doing over and over again."
"My marriage is changed forever! I want to let men who are struggling know that they can change their marriage. If you apply these principles, they will make a difference, my marriage is living proof."
"We were constantly on the Crazy cycle...but I started to act on some of your suggestions. I was amazed at the changes in our marriage."
"I’m a pastor and was looking for a DVD series to use with couples in pastoral counseling. I feel thrilled that I was able to get the Crazy Cycle 4 session series [online] to help them."
"...I thank you SO much for helping us to understand the concepts of love and respect. While I did not have great role models growing up, I am committed to showing my husband and sons the respect that they deserve as the men in our home. I have seen the love for myself and my daughter come around in multiplied amounts, which has made our home so much happier all around. Thank you for helping families to understand and be better. Also, thank you for helping us again to rely on God to help transform us!"
"Excellent videos. My husband and I have learned what causes us to get on the crazy cycle during conflict. That has been eye opening and an area for growth in our marriage. He is my ally, not my enemy."
Emerson and Sarah Eggerichs
Dr. Emerson Eggerichs is an internationally known public speaker on the topic of male-female relationships. Based on over three decades of pastoring, counseling and study of biblical and scientific research, Dr. Eggerichs and his wife Sarah developed the Love and Respect Conference which they present to live audiences around the country.
About Love & RespectProduct Quotes
When you look to God and His Word as your ultimate source of significance and security, you don’t demand that your spouse take that role in your life. And as you draw strength from the Lord individually, He draws you closer together as a couple.
Research and experience prove that men and women see and hear differently. Recognizing these differences and adjusting to them is absolutely necessary for reaching mutual understanding and better communication.
Wives, you never know: The way you handle this [conflict] might bring your husband not only back to you, but to God. Husbands, you never know: The way you handle this [conflict] might bring your wife not only back to you, but to God. (1 Corinthians 7:16)
Suppressing negative feelings is not loving, respectful or very wise. Speak up tactfully.
Trusting and obeying God’s Word because we love and reverence God never, ever makes us a hypocrite! When the alarm goes off in the morning, we get up, even when we don’t feel like it getting up. Because we do what we don’t feel like doing, does that make us hypocrites? No, it’s a sign we are responsible people. Showing respectful behavior when we don’t “feel respectful” is evidence of maturity.
We have to step back as Christ followers and ask, “Do I have false expectations that my relationship should be romantic 99% of the time?”
We are either going to give in the darkness or we are going to give into the darkness.
It’s hard to realize that we would never act around our business associates the way we act around our spouse.
If we subscribe to the belief that because we are equal we are the same, then we’re going to expect our spouse to respond the way we do.
To get offended is easy, but to forgive is within your power as you walk in His steps.
Although the Crazy Cycle is not what God intends for any marriage, all couples get on it at times from one degree to another.
Thank the Lord that in the very beginning He created them male and female – Blue and Pink. Ask Him for patience and ever-growing understanding of how men and women see and hear differently. “He created them male and female, and He blessed them.” (Genesis 5:2)
A parent needs to feel respected, especially during conflicts...A child need to feel loved, especially during disputes.
Unconditional respect means we confront their wrongdoings respectfully. We do not become uncivil because they are. Who they fail to be does not determine who we will be.
Since it is easy to focus on the negative, focus on your mate’s good qualities and express thanks with positive words of Love or Respect.
“Respect is a man’s deepest value. I have had numerous men tell me, ‘I would rather live with a wife who respected me but did not love me than live with a wife who loved me but did not respect me.’ These men are not saying that they are indifferent to love. They know they need love, but they need to feel respected even more than they need to feel loved.“
Mutual submission is the only way to live fairly together with mutual authority.
This is the Rewarded Cycle: His love blesses regardless of her respect and her respect blesses regardless of his love.
The Crazy Cycle is, indeed “the evil of folly and the foolishness of madness” (Ecclesiastes 7:25)
How we react to a situation reveals more about us than about the other person.
[Husbands] the most powerful weapons you have are your ears. Just listen to your wife, and she is much more likely to feel understood.
It’s so easy to dismiss our spouse as childish because we don’t have the same vulnerabilities they do.
Marital researchers agree that a huge percentage of communication problems between husband and wife are due not to what is said but to how it is said – the attitude and tone of voice.
It is crucial for a husband and wife to see that neither one is wrong, but both of them are very different--in body function, outlook and perspective.
Men are solution oriented, they love to solve problems. They want to be helpful.
When one of you makes a mistake, control any anger you may feel and trust God completely, no matter what happens.
We might say that every negative action in the family has an equal and opposite negative reaction.
When a wife feels unloved, it can be such a shock to her heart that she is oblivious to her disrespectful reactions toward her husband, though any man watching could see it plainly.
Words of wisdom for all husbands and wives are these: We easily see what is done to us before we see what we are doing to our mate.
If a husband chooses to be a peacemaker--taking the needs and concerns of his wife totally into account during any kind of argument or conflict--his wife will be motivated in turn to respond to his authority during stalemates.
When the wife flatly says her husband will have to earn her respect before she gives him any, she leaves the husband in a lose-lose situation. Now he is responsible for both love and respect in the relationship. He must unconditionally love his wife and earn her respect.
No one can really practice Love and Respect unless he or she does it as unto Jesus Christ.
We all need to wrestle with the spiritual truth that God is good. If you don’t believe God is good, you won’t trust His word. If you don’t trust His word, you will find excuses to ignore His commands.
Your position in Christ is what counts, not your less-than-perfect performance.
Research shows that 70% of the couples who were extremely unhappy in their marriage, but hung in there and worked through the tough time, identified themselves as being very happy five years later.
Feeling unloved, a wife gets defensive and acts offensively without respect. Feeling disrespected, a husband gets defensive and acts offensively without love.
Wives, to energize your husband do an activity with him, shoulder-to-shoulder, without talking.
His love blesses regardless of her respect; her respect blesses regardless of his love.
Husbands, to energize your wife give her face-to-face time, allowing her to talk and share her feelings.
When you’re truly Christ-centered, instead of child-centered, you will be a more effective parent in the long run.
Recognize your different gifts--how each of you (Pink and Blue) functions according to God’s perfect design.
There is power and freedom that comes in understanding that no one can cause you to react in a certain way. It is your choice.
The Crazy Cycle is, indeed, “the evil of folly and the foolishness of madness” (Ecclesiastes 7:25).
Christian maturity involves a lot of things, but surely it includes knowing how to process your anger.
A husband may deserve contempt, but that doesn’t win him any more than harshness and anger wins the heart of a woman.
He will feel appreciated when you disagree with him only in private and honor his authority in front of the kids.
Mutual understanding, not communication, is the key to a healthy marriage relationship.
Responding to offensive words or actions with your own offensive words and actions is damaging and unproductive.
In the ultimate sense, your marriage has nothing to do with your spouse. It has everything to do with your relationship to Jesus Christ.
Your marriage is a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and reverence for Jesus Christ. God is using your spouse to bring you an eternal reward.
You must “ask God from the wealth of his glory to give you power through his Spirit to be strong in your inner selves.”
A woman needs love like she needs air to breathe. A man needs respect like he needs air to breathe.
We can communicate the truth in the best of manners, but the person may be so insecure he or she can only react and attack like a wounded bear.
Your spouse deserves the truth from you. Do your best to tell it with love and respect.
[Women], your self-love cannot be derived from your husband’s love. It can affect it, but it does not determine it.
In the ultimate sense you marriage has nothing to do with your spouse. It has everything to do with your relationship with Jesus Christ.
Words of Love and Respect must include thankfulness spoken to or about your spouse; don’t fixate on weaknesses and faults.
Before hitting send, ask yourself, "Have I listened carefully and understand the exact issue on the table?"
When sorting out how to slow down the Crazy Cycle, it helps to remember that men are commanded to love because they don’t love naturally, and on the other side, women are commanded to respect because they don’t respect naturally.
The Lord made women (Pink) and men (Blue) with differences, and He expects us to recognize and deal with those differences in a loving and respectful way.
Often the apparent issue isn’t the real issue; the real issue is always a matter of love or respect.
Self-interest should never come ahead of your spouse’s interests.
When you possess a forgiving spirit, words of Love and Respect will flow authentically from your lips- and realize that the Lord Himself is listening to you at moments like these. He knows you are not powerless, but actually full of power that He has granted you.
Most marriages will succeed when obeying the command to Love and Respect.
Here is the secret to marriage that every couple seeks and yet few find: Unconditional respect is as powerful for him as unconditional love is for her. It’s the secret that will help you achieve a brand new level of intimacy.
Money squabbles don’t undermine love and respect; they simply reveal unloving and disrespectful attitudes, which are the real reason why a marriage can start to wobble on the Crazy Cycle.
Holding back your love or respect will just keep the Crazy Cycle spinning away, but being mature and making the first move could slow it down.
She’ll feel at peace with you when you let her vent your frustrations and hurts and don’t get angry and close her off.
To build a lasting legacy, use proven wisdom that you glean from the Lord.
If you are seeking positive change in your marriage, you will need to make a positive change in your attitude and actions.
Avoid like the plague trying to punish each other as a means of “motivation.” Christ-followers instinctively know that this destroys any opportunity to act out of reverence for Christ. In all marital issues, love and reverence for Christ must be our primary motivation.
We have different vulnerabilities. We can pass judgment on one another all day long or we can say God made us different and that’s ok.
Do not live by the standards of Hollywood; trust what God says in His Holy Word.
Always see your mate as an ally. Feedback is of little use if you see your spouse as an enemy. Giving and receiving constructive feedback is based on feelings of goodwill in both partners. Both of you need to remember that, even if you don’t always agree and even if you become irritated or angry, you are friends, and neither of you means to hurt the other.
Thank the Lord for all the trouble-free moments in which you and your spouse enjoy Him, each other, your family, your ministry and life as a whole. Ask Him for the strength to accept your measure of trouble, and the wisdom to deal with the annoyances and irritations by loving and respecting each other with new commitment. (You may also want to pray about troubles at work, at church, with the children…) “But those who marry will have trouble in this life” (1 Corinthians 7:28)
No matter how difficult your spouse may be at the moment, your spouse does not have control over your reaction; you do. You may be experiencing disappointment, frustration, or anger, but you always have a choice.
It is so easy to draw wrong conclusions about a spouse’s character and motives due to an occasional flare-up or silly comment.
God designed the woman to love. He’s not going to command her to agape her husband when He created her to do that in the first place. God is not into redundancy.
I had often asked God to compensate for my mistakes, but in return had I thought He would give me perfect children?
We must bring our identity in Christ to our parenting—we must not derive our identity from our children.
God’s commands are not burdensome, but are given to us to spare us from more pain. Why would God command you to do something that doesn’t work?
You both forgive for one simple but profound reason: because you know Christ has forgiven you!
When a husband feels disrespected, it is especially hard to love his wife. When a wife feels unloved, it is especially hard to respect her husband.
Don’t conclude that your spouse is wrong when he/she is seeking to do the right and righteous thing.