Building Blocks DVD Study - Small Group Kit

Your wife feels you are open with her when you discuss financial concerns, possible job changes or ideas for your future.

When you love or respect unconditionally regardless of the outcome, you are following God and His will for you.

Holding back your love or respect will just keep the Crazy Cycle spinning away, but being mature and making the first move could slow it down.

When you possess a forgiving spirit, words of Love and Respect will flow authentically from your lips- and realize that the Lord Himself is listening to you at moments like these. He knows you are not powerless, but actually full of power that He has granted you.

You have two ears and one mouth; use them proportionately.

Knowing my spouse will not be able to love or respect me perfectly, I commit to having a forgiving spirit so that I may never speak hatefully or contemptuously.

Your spouse has a need only you can fill.

Let the Lord change you, but don’t try to change each other.

God is not trying to trick you or mess with you. Trust that He wants to reveal Himself to you just as much as He wants to reveal Himself to the world.

A parent needs to feel respected, especially during conflicts...A child need to feel loved, especially during disputes.

A most significant point of this book is this: If what we think is true, kind, necessary, and clear, we need to have the courage to hit send. This isn’t about refraining from speaking; this is about speaking.

Be friendly. Be friendly. Be friendly. Watch what happens.

[Husbands] the most powerful weapons you have are your ears. Just listen to your wife, and she is much more likely to feel understood.

Often the apparent issue isn’t the real issue; the real issue is always a matter of love or respect.

[Husbands] do you realize the power of just holding your wife’s hand?

It is hard to be negative while being thankful.

Being a person who communicates what is true frequently demands tact, and at times it can feel like sidestepping land mines. It takes work to be both truthful and tactful.

Both Judas and Peter denied Jesus Christ, but there is a huge difference between a Judas and a Peter.

So I encourage every husband and wife to commit to the Jesus Way of Talking. Instead of allowing the stress of the situation to control you, you can say to yourself, “Because I love the Lord and I know that He rewards every good word, I am going to be truthful even if my spouse is not. I will also be uplifting, forgiving, thankful and scriptural in my speech because my ultimate goal is to please the Lord. Whatever my spouse’s weaknesses or bad habits might be, I will not let them cause me to sin with my lips.”

Words of wisdom for all husbands and wives are these: We easily see what is done to us before we see what we are doing to our mate.

Your hunger for God can create an appetite in your children.

Pink and Blue perceptions not only affect seeing, they affect hearing as well. Women hear with pink hearing aids and men hear with blue hearing aids. Even more important to understand as you and your spouse seek to gain better communication, you can hear the very same words, but each of you will hear different messages.

Your marriage is a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and reverence for Jesus Christ. God is using your spouse to bring you an eternal reward.

Every marriage includes trouble some of the time. Do not let the 20% leaven all the rest.

We can communicate the truth in the best of manners, but the person may be so insecure he or she can only react and attack like a wounded bear.

He will feel appreciated when you recognize his problem-solving approach as his male brand of empathy.

When you’re truly Christ-centered, instead of child-centered, you will be a more effective parent in the long run.

Do you bow to the influence of Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?

When you come home after you have been apart, the first few moments of reconnecting will set the tone for the rest of the evening.

She’ll feel at peace with you when you let her vent your frustrations and hurts and don’t get angry and close her off.

Share what God is saying to your heart, not what you think He needs to say to your mate.

You must “ask God from the wealth of his glory to give you power through his Spirit to be strong in your inner selves.”

Your spouse has a need that you don’t have. Are you going to say there is something seriously wrong with them or will you say “Viva la Difference”?

God’s commands are there to help us, not to hinder us or hold us back as male and female.

Negative actions rarely produce positive results.

In the ultimate sense, your marriage has nothing to do with your spouse. It has everything to do with your relationship to Jesus Christ.

When one of you makes a mistake, control any anger you may feel and trust God completely, no matter what happens.

Parenting is a faith venture. As we parent “unto Christ” we reap God’s reward, “knowing that whatever good anyone does, he will receive the same from the Lord” (Eph. 6:8 NKJV)

We easily see what is done to us before we see what we are doing to our mate.

Clearly, in the marriage, in the family and in the household, when you speak words of blessing, you are speaking to the Lord, and for this you will be rewarded.

Often both spouses have goodwill but are not deciphering each other’s code. She criticizes out of love, but he “hears” only disrespect. He distances himself to prevent feelings from escalating, which is the honorable thing to do, but she “sees” only his failure to be loving!

You may believe that the careless, unloving or disrespectful words you speak are because your spouse is causing you to speak this way, but Jesus says that it is coming out of your heart.

I often stress that one of the greatest rewards any persevering spouse can have is being a good example and influence on the children in the family.

She’s not wrong for not being male. He is not wrong for not being female. When you put pink and blue together, you get purple, the color of royalty; the color of God. Together, a husband and wife reflect God’s image.

Unconditional love or respect is never wasted. Hang onto this promise: “Let us not lose heart in doing good, for in due time we will reap if we do not grow weary” (Galatians 6:9).

I have concluded that those of us in the church who believe we have the Truth are not using the whole truth. A crucial part of God’s Word has been completely ignored, or perhaps simply gone unnoticed, when it has been there right under our noses the whole time! Many Christian spouses know Ephesians 5:33 and can at least paraphrase it. The Apostle Paul tells husbands to love their wives as much as they love themselves, and wives are to respect their husbands. But is anyone really listening? Perhaps the first step to better communication between husband and wife is to hear what God’s Word clearly says. --Emerson

Getting married reveals, usually sooner than later, an incontestable fact: your spouse cannot possibly meet all your needs and desires

The Lord made women (Pink) and men (Blue) with differences, and He expects us to recognize and deal with those differences in a loving and respectful way.

Although the Crazy Cycle is not what God intends for any marriage, all couples get on it at times from one degree to another.

You can be right in the argument, but wrong in your approach.

There is power and freedom that comes in understanding that no one can cause you to react in a certain way. It is your choice.

A wife has one driving need: to feel loved. When that need is met, she is happy. A husband has one driving need: to feel respected. When that need is met, he is happy. When either of these needs isn’t met, things get crazy with conflict.

Accentuate the positive and eliminate the negative with lots of love and respect in between.

Our research shows that couples who pray together are more apt to reap all kinds of benefits, including better and more frequent communication, going on “dates” more frequently and having sex more frequently.

You cannot use unholy means to achieve a worthy end.

You can experience hurt, but it is your choice to hate.

Thank God for joining you together and for allowing you to trust Him to help you, whatever the issue. God is there for you and expects you to look to Him to keep you together as a team, so ask Him for His help in the smallest of concerns. “So they are no longer two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate.” (Matthew 19:6)

His love blesses regardless of her respect; her respect blesses regardless of his love.

We must bring our identity in Christ to our parenting—we must not derive our identity from our children.

Research and experience prove that men and women see and hear differently. Recognizing these differences and adjusting to them is absolutely necessary for reaching mutual understanding and better communication.

Suppressing negative feelings is not loving, respectful or very wise. Speak up tactfully.

The difference between successful couples and unsuccessful couples is that successful ones keep getting up and dealing with the issues.

The mature one in the marriage seldom moves second.

Ladies, be careful. “A nagging wife goes on and on like the drip, drip, drip of the rain” (Proverbs 19:13).

Could you be facing a crisis in faith more than a crisis in your marriage?

[Husbands] as the church places her burdens on Christ, so a woman needs to place her burdens on her husband. When she shares with you, don’t assume she is asking you to solve the problem. Ask your wife, “Do you want a solution or a listening ear?”

We get on the Crazy Cycle because without love a wife reacts without respect, and without respect a husband reacts without love.

When evil comes at you, you’re the one who makes the choice of whether or not it is going to go into you.

How we react to a situation reveals more about us than about the other person.

If you want your wife to express appreciation for your attempts to be loving, you must use thankful words when she tries to speak or act respectfully.

When your wife comes to talk to you, listen to her. Realize she is coming to you because you matter more to her than anyone else. She has certain emotional needs and only you can meet them. Sometimes she may say things that don’t make sense to you and she is apt to misspeak and exaggerate when she is upset, but don’t put her down. Instead, listen to her heart. Give her a chance to express her concerns and, as she does so, don’t try to fix her. Don’t give her your solutions unless she asks for them.

The parent-child relationship is as easy, and as difficult, as love and respect.

We all need love and respect equally. But, during conflict our felt needs are as different as pink is from blue.

God’s commands are not burdensome, but are given to us to spare us from more pain. Why would God command you to do something that doesn’t work?

Since it is easy to focus on the negative, focus on your mate’s good qualities and express thanks with positive words of Love or Respect.

His love motivates her respect. Her respect motivates his love.

Above all trust God when the “whys” of life threaten to overwhelm you.

We have different vulnerabilities. We can pass judgment on one another all day long or we can say God made us different and that’s ok.

Words of love from a husband are like good medicine that brings life to the marriage.

Truth will carry its own weight if delivered respectfully and lovingly.

“You can be right, but wrong at the top of your voice.”

Your wife will feel esteemed when you speak highly of her in front of others.

A woman needs love like she needs air to breathe. A man needs respect like he needs air to breathe.

Your husband knows you appreciate his desire to protect and provide when you praise his commitment to provide for you. You empathize when he reveals his male mindset about position, status, or rank at work.

It’s crucial to communicate with the right tone of voice and the right expression on your face.

When parents genuinely trust and follow the Lord and His ways, their faith spills over onto the children.

As a wife, if you can start to understand how important your husband’s work is to him, you will take a giant step toward communicating respect and honor, two things that he values even more than your love.

Your husband knows you value his friendship when you tell him you like him and you show it (he knows you love him, but he often wonders if you really like him).

Thank the Lord that in the very beginning He created them male and female – Blue and Pink. Ask Him for patience and ever-growing understanding of how men and women see and hear differently. “He created them male and female, and He blessed them.” (Genesis 5:2)

Your marriage is really a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and reverence for your Lord.

Fight like a loving man and a respectful woman. Fight fair.

Marriage is a tool and a test to allow God’s will to be revealed in our lives.

To get offended is easy, but to forgive is within your power as you walk in His steps.

We are equal but we are not the same.

Husbands primarily want to hear ‘respect” talk during conflict. Wives primarily want to hear “love” talk during conflict.

We have to step back as Christ followers and ask, “Do I have false expectations that my relationship should be romantic 99% of the time?”

Be quick to listen and understand and you have a much better chance of being understood.

Your spouse deserves the truth from you. Do your best to tell it with love and respect.

A husband may deserve contempt, but that doesn’t win him any more than harshness and anger wins the heart of a woman.

You’re the only person in the world who can meet your spouse’s deepest need for love and respect. After all, you alone are married to your spouse.