Mother & Son Course Workbook (Download)

Marital researchers agree that a huge percentage of communication problems between husband and wife are due not to what is said but to how it is said – the attitude and tone of voice.

Words of love from a husband are like good medicine that brings life to the marriage.

Positive changes flood a relationship immediately when both husband and wife cancel the blame game!

A marriage relationship will be energized when couples learn how to motivate each other God’s way.

Words of Love and Respect must include thankfulness spoken to or about your spouse; don’t fixate on weaknesses and faults.

If you are seeking positive change in your marriage, you will need to make a positive change in your attitude and actions.

A parent needs to feel respected, especially during conflicts...A child need to feel loved, especially during disputes.

We are equal but we are not the same.

Optimism or pessimism? It is always a choice, no matter what your natural temperament.

Thank the Lord for all the trouble-free moments in which you and your spouse enjoy Him, each other, your family, your ministry and life as a whole. Ask Him for the strength to accept your measure of trouble, and the wisdom to deal with the annoyances and irritations by loving and respecting each other with new commitment. (You may also want to pray about troubles at work, at church, with the children…) “But those who marry will have trouble in this life” (1 Corinthians 7:28)

Marriage is a tool and a test to allow God’s will to be revealed in our lives.

We are either going to give in the darkness or we are going to give into the darkness.

Our research shows that couples who pray together are more apt to reap all kinds of benefits, including better and more frequent communication, going on “dates” more frequently and having sex more frequently.

God’s commands are not burdensome, but are given to us to spare us from more pain. Why would God command you to do something that doesn’t work?

A husband may deserve contempt, but that doesn’t win him any more than harshness and anger wins the heart of a woman.

In the ultimate sense you marriage has nothing to do with your spouse. It has everything to do with your relationship with Jesus Christ.

When a wife feels unloved, it can be such a shock to her heart that she is oblivious to her disrespectful reactions toward her husband, though any man watching could see it plainly.

Just because you’re offended doesn’t mean the other person is offensive.

Before hitting send, ask yourself, "Have I listened carefully and understand the exact issue on the table?"

When Jesus said “turn the other cheek,” He wasn’t saying to be passive wimps. He was teaching that physically people can control you but if you turn and give the other cheek, suddenly you’re in control and you’re making the choices.

Mutual understanding, not communication, is the key to a healthy marriage relationship.

As strong and powerful as marriage bonds can become, our deepest dependency must be on the Lord, not another human being.

When you look to God and His Word as your ultimate source of significance and security, you don’t demand that your spouse take that role in your life. And as you draw strength from the Lord individually, He draws you closer together as a couple.

When evil comes at you, you’re the one who makes the choice of whether or not it is going to go into you.

God is not pink. God is not blue. God is purple. When two become one, they have the potential of displaying God’s attributes and character.

The more we are upset at something, the wiser it is to let twenty-four hours pass before responding.

When you’re truly Christ-centered, instead of child-centered, you will be a more effective parent in the long run.

When you love or respect unconditionally regardless of the outcome, you are following God and His will for you.

Refuse to let evil turn you into a contemptuous and hateful person.

When the wife flatly says her husband will have to earn her respect before she gives him any, she leaves the husband in a lose-lose situation. Now he is responsible for both love and respect in the relationship. He must unconditionally love his wife and earn her respect.

Your spouse may meet many of your needs, but your deepest dependency should be on your Lord.

It is so easy to draw wrong conclusions about a spouse’s character and motives due to an occasional flare-up or silly comment.

You’re the only person in the world who can meet your spouse’s deepest need for love and respect. After all, you alone are married to your spouse.

We blame people for the bad things we do, but take credit for the good things we do.

It’s hard to realize that we would never act around our business associates the way we act around our spouse.

She’s not wrong for not being male. He is not wrong for not being female. When you put pink and blue together, you get purple, the color of royalty; the color of God. Together, a husband and wife reflect God’s image.

It is crucial for a husband and wife to see that neither one is wrong, but both of them are very different--in body function, outlook and perspective.

Most marriages will succeed when obeying the command to Love and Respect.

There is a discrepancy between who we want to be and see ourselves to be and how we actually sound in voice and writing. But with self-reflection and honesty, we can turn the corner and improve our communication. We need only evaluate what we are about to communicate.

Knowing my spouse will not be able to love or respect me perfectly, I commit to having a forgiving spirit so that I may never speak hatefully or contemptuously.

At the very bottom of things, in every case and in every conversation, you can do your marriage a huge favor by assuming she is seeking to feel loved or he is seeking to feel respected and give your spouse some grace!

The difference between successful couples and unsuccessful couples is that successful ones keep getting up and dealing with the issues.

This is the Rewarded Cycle: His love blesses regardless of her respect and her respect blesses regardless of his love.

Your words reveal your heart.

“With eyes of faith, envision Jesus standing just beyond the shoulder of your spouse and listening to every word you speak in every conversation, pleasant or tense. When you speak lovingly or respectfully to your spouse, you are speaking to Christ. Your spouse just happens to be there too.” This truth has sanctified the lips of many. Instead of giving their spouse a verbal whipping or choking on the idea of saying anything positive, now some spouses are motivated to speak words of unconditional love or respect.

Fight like a loving man and a respectful woman. Fight fair.

Ladies, be careful. “A nagging wife goes on and on like the drip, drip, drip of the rain” (Proverbs 19:13).

Research shows that 70% of the couples who were extremely unhappy in their marriage, but hung in there and worked through the tough time, identified themselves as being very happy five years later.

You must distinguish between “I can’t” and “I won’t.”

You speak lovingly or respectfully no matter how your spouse may speak to you in return. Your spouse is not the reason--good or bad--why you speak unconditional words of love or respect. God is the reason, and as you depend on Him, you will become increasingly able to speak lovingly and respectfully to your spouse.

Wives, to energize your husband do an activity with him, shoulder-to-shoulder, without talking.

When you play the blame game your marriage never wins.

Could you be facing a crisis in faith more than a crisis in your marriage?

Husbands, to energize your wife give her face-to-face time, allowing her to talk and share her feelings.

God is not trying to trick you or mess with you. Trust that He wants to reveal Himself to you just as much as He wants to reveal Himself to the world.

There is power and freedom that comes in understanding that no one can cause you to react in a certain way. It is your choice.

His love motivates her respect. Her respect motivates his love.

You may believe that the careless, unloving or disrespectful words you speak are because your spouse is causing you to speak this way, but Jesus says that it is coming out of your heart.

Trusting and obeying God’s Word because we love and reverence God never, ever makes us a hypocrite! When the alarm goes off in the morning, we get up, even when we don’t feel like it getting up. Because we do what we don’t feel like doing, does that make us hypocrites? No, it’s a sign we are responsible people. Showing respectful behavior when we don’t “feel respectful” is evidence of maturity.

No matter how difficult your spouse may be at the moment, your spouse does not have control over your reaction; you do. You may be experiencing disappointment, frustration or anger, but you always have a choice. A wife can choose to be disrespectful or respectful. A husband can choose to be unloving or loving.

Wives, you never know: The way you handle this [conflict] might bring your husband not only back to you, but to God. Husbands, you never know: The way you handle this [conflict] might bring your wife not only back to you, but to God. (1 Corinthians 7:16)

It is hard to be negative while being thankful.

Unconditional respect is as powerful to him as unconditional love is to her.

As mature men, we need to take leadership and put this out on the table. We must acknowledge our feelings- we need to feel respected. However, as we do this we must acknowledge our wife’s feelings- she needs to feel loved!

If a husband is commanded to agape- love his wife, then she truly needs love.

We have discovered that as women motivate their man God’s way, men are energized to love them better. It doesn’t matter if your marriage is good or seems like there is no hope. We have seen God move in powerful ways even when things looked hopeless.

Do you seek to understand or only to be understood?

When you relinquish an offense, you need to send that offense somewhere. So follow Jesus’ example and release it to your heavenly Father.

Can you begin to trust that God feels love for you even when you don’t feel that love?

When confronting your spouse, attack the behavior, not the person.

Always see your mate as an ally. Feedback is of little use if you see your spouse as an enemy. Giving and receiving constructive feedback is based on feelings of goodwill in both partners. Both of you need to remember that, even if you don’t always agree and even if you become irritated or angry, you are friends, and neither of you means to hurt the other.

You must “ask God from the wealth of his glory to give you power through his Spirit to be strong in your inner selves.”

When we speak before we think, we widen the chances the other person(s) will be notably hurt, frustrated, confused, angry, fearful, or offended by something we’ve communicated.

The woman absolutely needs love, and the man absolutely needs respect. It’s as simple- and as difficult- as that.

[Women], your self-love cannot be derived from your husband’s love. It can affect it, but it does not determine it.

Each of you must focus on what God is calling you to do toward your spouse. Do not focus on what you think God is calling your spouse to do toward you.

Your spouse can affect you, but your spouse does not control you.

Good intentions do not always produce good words or outcomes.

Unconditional love or respect is never wasted. Hang onto this promise: “Let us not lose heart in doing good, for in due time we will reap if we do not grow weary” (Galatians 6:9).

Responding to offensive words or actions with your own offensive words and actions is damaging and unproductive.

Focus on the positive in the midst of the negative, and the Energizing Cycle will keep right on humming.

We might say that every negative action in the family has an equal and opposite negative reaction.

Accentuate the positive and eliminate the negative with lots of love and respect in between.

If you want your husband to express appreciation for your attempts to be respectful, you must speak thankfully when he tries to be loving.

The moment we cry to Him for help, He is already pleased. He gives us strength to love our children.

We must bring our identity in Christ to our parenting—we must not derive our identity from our children.

We can communicate the truth in the best of manners, but the person may be so insecure he or she can only react and attack like a wounded bear.

“Living happily ever after” means knowing how to deal with the imperfect parts of life.

When one of you makes a mistake, control any anger you may feel and trust God completely, no matter what happens.

Although the Crazy Cycle is not what God intends for any marriage, all couples get on it at times from one degree to another.

Don’t label each other as bad because you differ on how you solve your troubles.

The Love and Respect message is not about a husband earning his wife’s respect by being more loving any more than it is about a wife earning her husband’s love by being more respectful. Always love or respect is given unconditionally according to God’s commands.

Your spouse has a need that you don’t have. Are you going to say there is something seriously wrong with them or will you say “Viva la Difference”?

Your marriage is a test of your devotion to Christ.

Marriage is a test of how you unconditionally love and respect your spouse as you obey, honor, and please the Lord.

If a husband loves his wife as he should, she will feel honored and respected. If a wife respects her husband as she should, he will feel loved and appreciated. It’s a win-win.

Being a person who communicates what is true frequently demands tact, and at times it can feel like sidestepping land mines. It takes work to be both truthful and tactful.

We have to step back as Christ followers and ask, “Do I have false expectations that my relationship should be romantic 99% of the time?”

A strong woman of dignity puts on respect out of her love and reverence for Jesus Christ. She trusts that His word not only protects and empowers her, but also rewards her with incomprehensible eternal blessings.

Thank the Lord that in the very beginning He created them male and female – Blue and Pink. Ask Him for patience and ever-growing understanding of how men and women see and hear differently. “He created them male and female, and He blessed them.” (Genesis 5:2)