Mother & Son Course Workbook (Download)

A marriage relationship will be energized when couples learn how to motivate each other God’s way.

His love blesses regardless of her respect; her respect blesses regardless of his love.

Your spouse has a need that you don’t have. Are you going to say there is something seriously wrong with them or will you say “Viva la Difference”?

It’s crucial to communicate with the right tone of voice and the right expression on your face.

Never give up. If you want to have a strong marriage, you need to accept temporary setbacks as part of the game.

Wives, to energize your husband do an activity with him, shoulder-to-shoulder, without talking.

It’s so easy to dismiss our spouse as childish because we don’t have the same vulnerabilities they do.

It is so easy to draw wrong conclusions about a spouse’s character and motives due to an occasional flare-up or silly comment.

Don’t label each other as bad because you differ on how you solve your troubles.

God is not trying to trick you or mess with you. Trust that He wants to reveal Himself to you just as much as He wants to reveal Himself to the world.

The Crazy Cycle is, indeed, “the evil of folly and the foolishness of madness” (Ecclesiastes 7:25).

If a husband is commanded to agape- love his wife, then she truly needs love.

Your wife will feel esteemed when you speak highly of her in front of others.

Above all trust God when the “whys” of life threaten to overwhelm you.

Do you bow to the influence of Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?

How we react to a situation reveals more about us than about the other person.

Positive changes flood a relationship immediately when both husband and wife cancel the blame game!

As strong and powerful as marriage bonds can become, our deepest dependency must be on the Lord, not another human being.

Don’t pressure yourself with perfection. We are going to fail. A righteous man falls 7 times but gets back up.

Thank the Lord that in the very beginning He created them male and female – Blue and Pink. Ask Him for patience and ever-growing understanding of how men and women see and hear differently. “He created them male and female, and He blessed them.” (Genesis 5:2)

I had often asked God to compensate for my mistakes, but in return had I thought He would give me perfect children?

God designed the woman to love. He’s not going to command her to agape her husband when He created her to do that in the first place. God is not into redundancy.

When a husband feels disrespected, he has a natural tendency to react in ways that feel unloving to his wife. (Perhaps the command to love was given to him precisely for this reason!) When a wife feels unloved, she has a natural tendency to react in ways that feel disrespectful to her husband. (Perhaps the command to respect was given to her precisely for this reason!)

Your words reveal your heart.

You have to become proactive, rather than just trying to stop the reactive.

We all need to wrestle with the spiritual truth that God is good. If you don’t believe God is good, you won’t trust His word. If you don’t trust His word, you will find excuses to ignore His commands.

Each of you must focus on what God is calling you to do toward your spouse. Do not focus on what you think God is calling your spouse to do toward you.

Being friendly to her man is one of the most effective things a woman can do to strengthen her marriage.

Every marriage includes trouble some of the time. Do not let the 20% leaven all the rest.

The difference between successful couples and unsuccessful couples is that successful ones keep getting up and dealing with the issues.

You may believe that the careless, unloving or disrespectful words you speak are because your spouse is causing you to speak this way, but Jesus says that it is coming out of your heart.

Mutual submission is the only way to live fairly together with mutual authority.

Marital researchers agree that a huge percentage of communication problems between husband and wife are due not to what is said but to how it is said – the attitude and tone of voice.

When parents genuinely trust and follow the Lord and His ways, their faith spills over onto the children.

Marriage is a tool and a test to allow God’s will to be revealed in our lives.

Share what God is saying to your heart, not what you think He needs to say to your mate.

We are either going to give in the darkness or we are going to give into the darkness.

Parenting is a faith venture. As we parent “unto Christ” we reap God’s reward, “knowing that whatever good anyone does, he will receive the same from the Lord” (Eph. 6:8 NKJV)

When one of you makes a mistake, control any anger you may feel and trust God completely, no matter what happens.

Thank God for joining you together and for allowing you to trust Him to help you, whatever the issue. God is there for you and expects you to look to Him to keep you together as a team, so ask Him for His help in the smallest of concerns. “So they are no longer two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate.” (Matthew 19:6)

A wife has one driving need: to feel loved. When that need is met, she is happy. A husband has one driving need: to feel respected. When that need is met, he is happy. When either of these needs isn’t met, things get crazy with conflict.

To not forgive is to shoot yourself in the foot and put extra gas in the Crazy Cycle.

If we subscribe to the belief that because we are equal we are the same, then we’re going to expect our spouse to respond the way we do.

Unconditional respect is as powerful to him as unconditional love is to her.

We have to step back as Christ followers and ask, “Do I have false expectations that my relationship should be romantic 99% of the time?”

“You can be right, but wrong at the top of your voice.”

The mature one in the marriage seldom moves second.

Your spouse deserves the truth from you. Do your best to tell it with love and respect.

When there is confusion, I try to refrain from attacking another for not listening carefully (which may not be the case). Instead, I take a run at communicating again, but more clearly.

The more we are upset at something, the wiser it is to let twenty-four hours pass before responding.

It’s true that women have intuition and that men should listen to them. It’s also true that women have blind spots and need the insight of their husbands.

If you want your husband to express appreciation for your attempts to be respectful, you must speak thankfully when he tries to be loving.

Let the Lord change you, but don’t try to change each other.

Wives, you never know: The way you handle this [conflict] might bring your husband not only back to you, but to God. Husbands, you never know: The way you handle this [conflict] might bring your wife not only back to you, but to God. (1 Corinthians 7:16)

Often both spouses have goodwill but are not deciphering each other’s code. She criticizes out of love, but he “hears” only disrespect. He distances himself to prevent feelings from escalating, which is the honorable thing to do, but she “sees” only his failure to be loving!

Suppressing negative feelings is not loving, respectful or very wise. Speak up tactfully.

Research and experience prove that men and women see and hear differently. Recognizing these differences and adjusting to them is absolutely necessary for reaching mutual understanding and better communication.

We must bring our identity in Christ to our parenting—we must not derive our identity from our children.

Always see your mate as an ally. Feedback is of little use if you see your spouse as an enemy. Giving and receiving constructive feedback is based on feelings of goodwill in both partners. Both of you need to remember that, even if you don’t always agree and even if you become irritated or angry, you are friends, and neither of you means to hurt the other.

Do you understand that God feels compassion for you, no matter what you have done or what your circumstances may be?

As mature men, we need to take leadership and put this out on the table. We must acknowledge our feelings- we need to feel respected. However, as we do this we must acknowledge our wife’s feelings- she needs to feel loved!

Just because you may feel unloved or disrespected does not mean your spouse is sending that message.

A most significant point of this book is this: If what we think is true, kind, necessary, and clear, we need to have the courage to hit send. This isn’t about refraining from speaking; this is about speaking.

You’re the only person in the world who can meet your spouse’s deepest need for love and respect. After all, you alone are married to your spouse.

If a husband chooses to be a peacemaker--taking the needs and concerns of his wife totally into account during any kind of argument or conflict--his wife will be motivated in turn to respond to his authority during stalemates.

Recognize your different gifts--how each of you (Pink and Blue) functions according to God’s perfect design.

Being a person who communicates what is true frequently demands tact, and at times it can feel like sidestepping land mines. It takes work to be both truthful and tactful.

Though the end can be worthy (to be loved and respected), when each uses unholy means (unloving and disrespectful words and actions), it will not achieve those ends. We must treat others as we expect them to treat us. To deny this makes us arrogant or fools, or both.

God rewards your obedience to love and respect, even if your spouse does not respond!

Here is the secret to marriage that every couple seeks and yet few find: Unconditional respect is as powerful for him as unconditional love is for her. It’s the secret that will help you achieve a brand new level of intimacy.

Whose voice are you listening to: Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?

Our trustworthiness rests on our truthfulness.

As you pray together, you will truly learn to love and respect together.

You must “ask God from the wealth of his glory to give you power through his Spirit to be strong in your inner selves.”

Clearly, in the marriage, in the family and in the household, when you speak words of blessing, you are speaking to the Lord, and for this you will be rewarded.

We fool ourselves into thinking the other person causes us to be the way we are. They really don’t! But if we lock into that idea, we become helpless, hopeless victims.

A man has a natural, inborn desire to go out and “conquer” the challenges of his world – to work and achieve.

Marriage is a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and your reverence for Jesus Christ.

[Husbands] the most powerful weapons you have are your ears. Just listen to your wife, and she is much more likely to feel understood.

The Love and Respect message is not about a husband earning his wife’s respect by being more loving any more than it is about a wife earning her husband’s love by being more respectful. Always love or respect is given unconditionally according to God’s commands.

No one can really practice Love and Respect unless he or she does it as unto Jesus Christ.

As a husband, if you can grasp that you don’t always have to solve your wife’s problems, you will take a giant step toward showing her empathy and understanding.

So I encourage every husband and wife to commit to the Jesus Way of Talking. Instead of allowing the stress of the situation to control you, you can say to yourself, “Because I love the Lord and I know that He rewards every good word, I am going to be truthful even if my spouse is not. I will also be uplifting, forgiving, thankful and scriptural in my speech because my ultimate goal is to please the Lord. Whatever my spouse’s weaknesses or bad habits might be, I will not let them cause me to sin with my lips.”

When you relinquish an offense, you need to send that offense somewhere. So follow Jesus’ example and release it to your heavenly Father.

Holding back your love or respect will just keep the Crazy Cycle spinning away, but being mature and making the first move could slow it down.

Your marriage is a test of your devotion to Christ.

You can be right but wrong at the top of your voice.

I have concluded that those of us in the church who believe we have the Truth are not using the whole truth. A crucial part of God’s Word has been completely ignored, or perhaps simply gone unnoticed, when it has been there right under our noses the whole time! Many Christian spouses know Ephesians 5:33 and can at least paraphrase it. The Apostle Paul tells husbands to love their wives as much as they love themselves, and wives are to respect their husbands. But is anyone really listening? Perhaps the first step to better communication between husband and wife is to hear what God’s Word clearly says. --Emerson

She’ll feel at peace with you when you let her vent your frustrations and hurts and don’t get angry and close her off.

To build a lasting legacy, use proven wisdom that you glean from the Lord.

Mistakes can’t be undone, but they can be forgiven.

When sorting out how to slow down the Crazy Cycle, it helps to remember that men are commanded to love because they don’t love naturally, and on the other side, women are commanded to respect because they don’t respect naturally.

This is the Rewarded Cycle: His love blesses regardless of her respect and her respect blesses regardless of his love.

Good intentions do not always produce good words or outcomes.

We can communicate the truth in the best of manners, but the person may be so insecure he or she can only react and attack like a wounded bear.

When you look to God and His Word as your ultimate source of significance and security, you don’t demand that your spouse take that role in your life. And as you draw strength from the Lord individually, He draws you closer together as a couple.

“Living happily ever after” means knowing how to deal with the imperfect parts of life.

Be a part of the solution, not part of the problem.

Pink and Blue perceptions not only affect seeing, they affect hearing as well. Women hear with pink hearing aids and men hear with blue hearing aids. Even more important to understand as you and your spouse seek to gain better communication, you can hear the very same words, but each of you will hear different messages.

There is power and freedom that comes in understanding that no one can cause you to react in a certain way. It is your choice.