Mother & Son Course Workbook (Download)

It is crucial for a husband and wife to see that neither one is wrong, but both of them are very different--in body function, outlook and perspective.

It’s crucial to communicate with the right tone of voice and the right expression on your face.

Marriage is a tool and a test to allow God’s will to be revealed in our lives.

A parent needs to feel respected, especially during conflicts...A child need to feel loved, especially during disputes.

It’s true that women have intuition and that men should listen to them. It’s also true that women have blind spots and need the insight of their husbands.

We might say that every negative action in the family has an equal and opposite negative reaction.

Don’t label each other as bad because you differ on how you solve your troubles.

Getting married reveals, usually sooner than later, an incontestable fact: your spouse cannot possibly meet all your needs and desires

When sorting out how to slow down the Crazy Cycle, it helps to remember that men are commanded to love because they don’t love naturally, and on the other side, women are commanded to respect because they don’t respect naturally.

There is a discrepancy between who we want to be and see ourselves to be and how we actually sound in voice and writing. But with self-reflection and honesty, we can turn the corner and improve our communication. We need only evaluate what we are about to communicate.

The moment we cry to Him for help, He is already pleased. He gives us strength to love our children.

The Lord made women (Pink) and men (Blue) with differences, and He expects us to recognize and deal with those differences in a loving and respectful way.

Accentuate the positive and eliminate the negative with lots of love and respect in between.

Money squabbles don’t undermine love and respect; they simply reveal unloving and disrespectful attitudes, which are the real reason why a marriage can start to wobble on the Crazy Cycle.

Your spouse may meet many of your needs, but your deepest dependency should be on your Lord.

[Husbands] as the church places her burdens on Christ, so a woman needs to place her burdens on her husband. When she shares with you, don’t assume she is asking you to solve the problem. Ask your wife, “Do you want a solution or a listening ear?”

Knowing my spouse will not be able to love or respect me perfectly, I commit to having a forgiving spirit so that I may never speak hatefully or contemptuously.

Stay the course regardless of the child’s respect and obedience. This is the Family Rewarded Cycle: a parents love unto Christ regardless of the child.

When a wife insists that her husband earn her respect, she puts him in a lose-lose situation.

Being a person who communicates what is true frequently demands tact, and at times it can feel like sidestepping land mines. It takes work to be both truthful and tactful.

No one can really practice Love and Respect unless he or she does it as unto Jesus Christ.

God’s commands are there to help us, not to hinder us or hold us back as male and female.

Thank God for joining you together and for allowing you to trust Him to help you, whatever the issue. God is there for you and expects you to look to Him to keep you together as a team, so ask Him for His help in the smallest of concerns. “So they are no longer two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate.” (Matthew 19:6)

Often both spouses have goodwill but are not deciphering each other’s code. She criticizes out of love, but he “hears” only disrespect. He distances himself to prevent feelings from escalating, which is the honorable thing to do, but she “sees” only his failure to be loving!

You can be right but wrong at the top of your voice.

Our research shows that couples who pray together are more apt to reap all kinds of benefits, including better and more frequent communication, going on “dates” more frequently and having sex more frequently.

If we subscribe to the belief that because we are equal we are the same, then we’re going to expect our spouse to respond the way we do.

The mature one in the marriage seldom moves second.

You speak lovingly or respectfully no matter how your spouse may speak to you in return. Your spouse is not the reason--good or bad--why you speak unconditional words of love or respect. God is the reason, and as you depend on Him, you will become increasingly able to speak lovingly and respectfully to your spouse.

The Love and Respect message is not about a husband earning his wife’s respect by being more loving any more than it is about a wife earning her husband’s love by being more respectful. Always love or respect is given unconditionally according to God’s commands.

Respect for the husband is just as important as love for the wife.

Troubles over sex and money do not cause a marriage to go under. The lack of love and respect during conflict cause the marriage to go under.

A most significant point of this book is this: If what we think is true, kind, necessary, and clear, we need to have the courage to hit send. This isn’t about refraining from speaking; this is about speaking.

We must bring our identity in Christ to our parenting—we must not derive our identity from our children.

Your wife feels you are open with her when you discuss financial concerns, possible job changes or ideas for your future.

We all need love and respect equally. But, during conflict our felt needs are as different as pink is from blue.

I often stress that one of the greatest rewards any persevering spouse can have is being a good example and influence on the children in the family.

In your marriage be the first to “seek peace and pursue it” (1 Peter 3:11)

As strong and powerful as marriage bonds can become, our deepest dependency must be on the Lord, not another human being.

Truth will carry its own weight if delivered respectfully and lovingly.

Be a part of the solution, not part of the problem.

As a husband, if you can grasp that you don’t always have to solve your wife’s problems, you will take a giant step toward showing her empathy and understanding.

Trusting and obeying God’s Word because we love and reverence God never, ever makes us a hypocrite! When the alarm goes off in the morning, we get up, even when we don’t feel like it getting up. Because we do what we don’t feel like doing, does that make us hypocrites? No, it’s a sign we are responsible people. Showing respectful behavior when we don’t “feel respectful” is evidence of maturity.

Thank the Lord for all the trouble-free moments in which you and your spouse enjoy Him, each other, your family, your ministry and life as a whole. Ask Him for the strength to accept your measure of trouble, and the wisdom to deal with the annoyances and irritations by loving and respecting each other with new commitment. (You may also want to pray about troubles at work, at church, with the children…) “But those who marry will have trouble in this life” (1 Corinthians 7:28)

Assuming goodwill can be revolutionary in relationships.

We get on the Crazy Cycle because without love a wife reacts without respect, and without respect a husband reacts without love.

“With eyes of faith, envision Jesus standing just beyond the shoulder of your spouse and listening to every word you speak in every conversation, pleasant or tense. When you speak lovingly or respectfully to your spouse, you are speaking to Christ. Your spouse just happens to be there too.” This truth has sanctified the lips of many. Instead of giving their spouse a verbal whipping or choking on the idea of saying anything positive, now some spouses are motivated to speak words of unconditional love or respect.

How we react to a situation reveals more about us than about the other person.

Your spouse has a need that you don’t have. Are you going to say there is something seriously wrong with them or will you say “Viva la Difference”?

A woman needs love like she needs air to breathe. A man needs respect like he needs air to breathe.

Focus on the positive in the midst of the negative, and the Energizing Cycle will keep right on humming.

Marital researchers agree that a huge percentage of communication problems between husband and wife are due not to what is said but to how it is said – the attitude and tone of voice.

Clarifying is what you do before you step on your mate’s air hose and deflate his or her spirit. For example, you are having a typical conversation, but you can tell there is a misunderstanding. One of you isn’t being clear or isn’t hearing correctly. Then and there you clarify the misunderstanding before your spouse’s spirit deflates. You lovingly or respectfully clarify matters so that your spouse will not feel unloved or disrespected. The reason you take pains to clarify a seemingly small matter is to prevent the situation from becoming a love and respect issue that needs decoding. Clarifying is what you do to stay off the Crazy Cycle and keep positive, energetic feelings flowing between the two of you, to keep yourselves on the Energizing Cycle.

“Respect is a man’s deepest value. I have had numerous men tell me, ‘I would rather live with a wife who respected me but did not love me than live with a wife who loved me but did not respect me.’ These men are not saying that they are indifferent to love. They know they need love, but they need to feel respected even more than they need to feel loved.“

If you want your wife to express appreciation for your attempts to be loving, you must use thankful words when she tries to speak or act respectfully.

Your husband knows you appreciate his desire to protect and provide when you praise his commitment to provide for you. You empathize when he reveals his male mindset about position, status, or rank at work.

When there is confusion, I try to refrain from attacking another for not listening carefully (which may not be the case). Instead, I take a run at communicating again, but more clearly.

Husbands, even Jesus Himself was asked by a woman, “Do you not care?” (Luke 10:40) When your wife accuses you of not caring, decode her deeper meaning.

In the ultimate sense you marriage has nothing to do with your spouse. It has everything to do with your relationship with Jesus Christ.

Thank the Lord that in the very beginning He created them male and female – Blue and Pink. Ask Him for patience and ever-growing understanding of how men and women see and hear differently. “He created them male and female, and He blessed them.” (Genesis 5:2)

Do you bow to the influence of Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?

A marriage relationship will be energized when couples learn how to motivate each other God’s way.

Words of wisdom for all husbands and wives are these: We easily see what is done to us before we see what we are doing to our mate.

Fight like a loving man and a respectful woman. Fight fair.

I had often asked God to compensate for my mistakes, but in return had I thought He would give me perfect children?

To get offended is easy, but to forgive is within your power as you walk in His steps.

Mutual understanding, not communication, is the key to a healthy marriage relationship.

If you want your husband to express appreciation for your attempts to be respectful, you must speak thankfully when he tries to be loving.

She’s not wrong for not being male. He is not wrong for not being female. When you put pink and blue together, you get purple, the color of royalty; the color of God. Together, a husband and wife reflect God’s image.

When evil comes at you, you’re the one who makes the choice of whether or not it is going to go into you.

Trust God when the “why’s” of life threaten to overwhelm you.

Husbands primarily want to hear ‘respect” talk during conflict. Wives primarily want to hear “love” talk during conflict.

Good intentions do not always produce good words or outcomes.

Both Judas and Peter denied Jesus Christ, but there is a huge difference between a Judas and a Peter.

His love blesses regardless of her respect; her respect blesses regardless of his love.

The more we are upset at something, the wiser it is to let twenty-four hours pass before responding.

Let the Lord change you, but don’t try to change each other.

As mature men, we need to take leadership and put this out on the table. We must acknowledge our feelings- we need to feel respected. However, as we do this we must acknowledge our wife’s feelings- she needs to feel loved!

Marriage is a test of how you unconditionally love and respect your spouse as you obey, honor, and please the Lord.

Will we decide how we see God based on our circumstances, or will we see our circumstances in light of how we view God?

Don’t pressure yourself with perfection. We are going to fail. A righteous man falls 7 times but gets back up.

Could you be facing a crisis in faith more than a crisis in your marriage?

A husband may deserve contempt, but that doesn’t win him any more than harshness and anger wins the heart of a woman.

We are worth Jesus to the Father.

Thank the Lord for the goodwill each of you has toward the other. Ask Him for strength to give each other the benefit of the doubt during moments when someone’s goodwill seems to be lacking. “He who seeks good finds goodwill, but evil comes to him who searches for it.” (Proverbs 11:27)

“Living happily ever after” means knowing how to deal with the imperfect parts of life.

Do you believe that there is a God who really loves you and wants to help you?

Be quick to listen and understand and you have a much better chance of being understood.

When parents genuinely trust and follow the Lord and His ways, their faith spills over onto the children.

Ladies, be careful. “A nagging wife goes on and on like the drip, drip, drip of the rain” (Proverbs 19:13).

Your spouse deserves the truth from you. Do your best to tell it with love and respect.

We have discovered that as women motivate their man God’s way, men are energized to love them better. It doesn’t matter if your marriage is good or seems like there is no hope. We have seen God move in powerful ways even when things looked hopeless.

Mistakes can’t be undone, but they can be forgiven.

If a husband is commanded to agape- love his wife, then she truly needs love.

The Crazy Cycle is, indeed, “the evil of folly and the foolishness of madness” (Ecclesiastes 7:25).

Most marriages will succeed when obeying the command to Love and Respect.

When you look to God and His Word as your ultimate source of significance and security, you don’t demand that your spouse take that role in your life. And as you draw strength from the Lord individually, He draws you closer together as a couple.

Since it is easy to focus on the negative, focus on your mate’s good qualities and express thanks with positive words of Love or Respect.

As you pray together, you will truly learn to love and respect together.

Can you begin to trust that God feels love for you even when you don’t feel that love?