Mother & Son Course Workbook (Download)

You speak lovingly or respectfully no matter how your spouse may speak to you in return. Your spouse is not the reason--good or bad--why you speak unconditional words of love or respect. God is the reason, and as you depend on Him, you will become increasingly able to speak lovingly and respectfully to your spouse.

Your wife feels you are open with her when you discuss financial concerns, possible job changes or ideas for your future.

Research shows that 70% of the couples who were extremely unhappy in their marriage, but hung in there and worked through the tough time, identified themselves as being very happy five years later.

We fool ourselves into thinking the other person causes us to be the way we are. They really don’t! But if we lock into that idea, we become helpless, hopeless victims.

“You can be right, but wrong at the top of your voice.”

Your hunger for God can create an appetite in your children.

As you pray together, you will truly learn to love and respect together.

He will feel appreciated when you recognize his problem-solving approach as his male brand of empathy.

Pink and Blue perceptions not only affect seeing, they affect hearing as well. Women hear with pink hearing aids and men hear with blue hearing aids. Even more important to understand as you and your spouse seek to gain better communication, you can hear the very same words, but each of you will hear different messages.

The key to motivating another person is meeting their deepest need, especially during conflict.

Feeling unloved, a wife gets defensive and acts offensively without respect. Feeling disrespected, a husband gets defensive and acts offensively without love.

Assume goodwill about the person you are in conflict with.

God rewards your obedience to love and respect, even if your spouse does not respond!

We have to step back as Christ followers and ask, “Do I have false expectations that my relationship should be romantic 99% of the time?”

Getting married reveals, usually sooner than later, an incontestable fact: your spouse cannot possibly meet all your needs and desires

The difference between successful couples and unsuccessful couples is that successful ones keep getting up and dealing with the issues.

No matter what your struggle- criticism, constant conflict, sex, money, parenting, harsh words- learning to communicate the Love and Respect way can help you make crucial changes and build the kind of relationship that God blesses.

If you want your husband to express appreciation for your attempts to be respectful, you must speak thankfully when he tries to be loving.

When evil comes at you, you’re the one who makes the choice of whether or not it is going to go into you.

Unconditional love or respect is never wasted. Hang onto this promise: “Let us not lose heart in doing good, for in due time we will reap if we do not grow weary” (Galatians 6:9).

A strong woman of dignity puts on respect out of her love and reverence for Jesus Christ. She trusts that His word not only protects and empowers her, but also rewards her with incomprehensible eternal blessings.

Men are solution oriented, they love to solve problems. They want to be helpful.

When we feel crippling discouragement by the sinful choices and outcomes of our kids, we must not let this permanently deter us from parenting God’s way.

Troubles over sex and money do not cause a marriage to go under. The lack of love and respect during conflict cause the marriage to go under.

Avoid like the plague trying to punish each other as a means of “motivation.” Christ-followers instinctively know that this destroys any opportunity to act out of reverence for Christ. In all marital issues, love and reverence for Christ must be our primary motivation.

Just because you may feel unloved or disrespected does not mean your spouse is sending that message.

Mutual submission is the only way to live fairly together with mutual authority.

Ladies, be careful. “A nagging wife goes on and on like the drip, drip, drip of the rain” (Proverbs 19:13).

If you are seeking positive change in your marriage, you will need to make a positive change in your attitude and actions.

There is a plan to parent God’s way, even when our children may seek to go their own way at time. The secret is to follow this plan regardless. When you do, I believe you succeed in His eyes.

Do you give yourself grace and your spouse judgment?

Your spouse deserves the truth from you. Do your best to tell it with love and respect.

If you want your wife to express appreciation for your attempts to be loving, you must use thankful words when she tries to speak or act respectfully.

The Lord made women (Pink) and men (Blue) with differences, and He expects us to recognize and deal with those differences in a loving and respectful way.

Do not live by the standards of Hollywood; trust what God says in His Holy Word.

Mistakes can’t be undone, but they can be forgiven.

God’s commands are not burdensome, but are given to us to spare us from more pain. Why would God command you to do something that doesn’t work?

It is crucial for a husband and wife to see that neither one is wrong, but both of them are very different--in body function, outlook and perspective.

[Women], as you enter quiet dignity, not preaching at your husband or scolding him as though you were his mother, something happens in his soul as a male.

When a husband feels disrespected, it is especially hard to love his wife. When a wife feels unloved, it is especially hard to respect her husband.

We easily see what is done to us before we see what we are doing to our mate.

I have concluded that those of us in the church who believe we have the Truth are not using the whole truth. A crucial part of God’s Word has been completely ignored, or perhaps simply gone unnoticed, when it has been there right under our noses the whole time! Many Christian spouses know Ephesians 5:33 and can at least paraphrase it. The Apostle Paul tells husbands to love their wives as much as they love themselves, and wives are to respect their husbands. But is anyone really listening? Perhaps the first step to better communication between husband and wife is to hear what God’s Word clearly says. --Emerson

When Jesus said “turn the other cheek,” He wasn’t saying to be passive wimps. He was teaching that physically people can control you but if you turn and give the other cheek, suddenly you’re in control and you’re making the choices.

If a husband loves his wife as he should, she will feel honored and respected. If a wife respects her husband as she should, he will feel loved and appreciated. It’s a win-win.

We might say that every negative action in the family has an equal and opposite negative reaction.

To not forgive is to shoot yourself in the foot and put extra gas in the Crazy Cycle.

In the ultimate sense, your marriage has nothing to do with your spouse. It has everything to do with your relationship to Jesus Christ.

The Love and Respect message is not about a husband earning his wife’s respect by being more loving any more than it is about a wife earning her husband’s love by being more respectful. Always love or respect is given unconditionally according to God’s commands.

Always try to look at your spouse the way Jesus does.

In your marriage be the first to “seek peace and pursue it” (1 Peter 3:11)

Be friendly. Be friendly. Be friendly. Watch what happens.

If we subscribe to the belief that because we are equal we are the same, then we’re going to expect our spouse to respond the way we do.

Husbands primarily want to hear ‘respect” talk during conflict. Wives primarily want to hear “love” talk during conflict.

God is not pink. God is not blue. God is purple. When two become one, they have the potential of displaying God’s attributes and character.

Holding back your love or respect will just keep the Crazy Cycle spinning away, but being mature and making the first move could slow it down.

Money squabbles don’t undermine love and respect; they simply reveal unloving and disrespectful attitudes, which are the real reason why a marriage can start to wobble on the Crazy Cycle.

Clarifying is what you do before you step on your mate’s air hose and deflate his or her spirit. For example, you are having a typical conversation, but you can tell there is a misunderstanding. One of you isn’t being clear or isn’t hearing correctly. Then and there you clarify the misunderstanding before your spouse’s spirit deflates. You lovingly or respectfully clarify matters so that your spouse will not feel unloved or disrespected. The reason you take pains to clarify a seemingly small matter is to prevent the situation from becoming a love and respect issue that needs decoding. Clarifying is what you do to stay off the Crazy Cycle and keep positive, energetic feelings flowing between the two of you, to keep yourselves on the Energizing Cycle.

Before hitting send, ask yourself, "Have I listened carefully and understand the exact issue on the table?"

Your words reveal your heart.

Husbands, even Jesus Himself was asked by a woman, “Do you not care?” (Luke 10:40) When your wife accuses you of not caring, decode her deeper meaning.

The woman absolutely needs love, and the man absolutely needs respect. It’s as simple- and as difficult- as that.

Your husband knows you appreciate his desire to protect and provide when you praise his commitment to provide for you. You empathize when he reveals his male mindset about position, status, or rank at work.

When a wife asks, “Do you love me?” She is not trying to put her husband on the spot. She is simply looking for reassurance.

When we speak before we think, we widen the chances the other person(s) will be notably hurt, frustrated, confused, angry, fearful, or offended by something we’ve communicated.

If a husband chooses to be a peacemaker--taking the needs and concerns of his wife totally into account during any kind of argument or conflict--his wife will be motivated in turn to respond to his authority during stalemates.

Can you begin to trust that God feels love for you even when you don’t feel that love?

Do you understand that God feels compassion for you, no matter what you have done or what your circumstances may be?

You both forgive for one simple but profound reason: because you know Christ has forgiven you!

We send each other messages in “code” based on gender, even though we don’t intend to. What I say is not what you hear, and what you think you heard is not what I meant at all.

Accentuate the positive and eliminate the negative with lots of love and respect in between.

Suppressing negative feelings is not loving, respectful or very wise. Speak up tactfully.

Recognize your different gifts--how each of you (Pink and Blue) functions according to God’s perfect design.

It is hard to be negative while being thankful.

[Women], your self-love cannot be derived from your husband’s love. It can affect it, but it does not determine it.

Unconditional respect, like unconditional love, is all about how one sounds (tone of voice and word choice) and appears (facial expressions and physical actions).

You’re the only person in the world who can meet your spouse’s deepest need for love and respect. After all, you alone are married to your spouse.

Assuming goodwill can be revolutionary in relationships.

Although the Crazy Cycle is not what God intends for any marriage, all couples get on it at times from one degree to another.

Negative actions rarely produce positive results.

When a husband chooses to do or say something loving, and that includes saying, ‘I’m sorry for coming across in an unloving way,’ he energizes his wife. When a wife decides to express herself respectfully, and that includes apologizing for her disrespectful attitude, she energizes her husband.

Here is the secret to marriage that every couple seeks and yet few find: Unconditional respect is as powerful for him as unconditional love is for her. It’s the secret that will help you achieve a brand new level of intimacy.

She’s not wrong for not being male. He is not wrong for not being female. When you put pink and blue together, you get purple, the color of royalty; the color of God. Together, a husband and wife reflect God’s image.

There is power and freedom that comes in understanding that no one can cause you to react in a certain way. It is your choice.

When you look to God and His Word as your ultimate source of significance and security, you don’t demand that your spouse take that role in your life. And as you draw strength from the Lord individually, He draws you closer together as a couple.

[Husbands] do you realize the power of just holding your wife’s hand?

When you love or respect unconditionally regardless of the outcome, you are following God and His will for you.

I had often asked God to compensate for my mistakes, but in return had I thought He would give me perfect children?

We can communicate the truth in the best of manners, but the person may be so insecure he or she can only react and attack like a wounded bear.

Positive changes flood a relationship immediately when both husband and wife cancel the blame game!

Marriage is a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and your reverence for Jesus Christ.

Just because you’re offended doesn’t mean the other person is offensive.

A woman needs love like she needs air to breathe. A man needs respect like he needs air to breathe.

Will we decide how we see God based on our circumstances, or will we see our circumstances in light of how we view God?

Above all trust God when the “whys” of life threaten to overwhelm you.

When a wife feels unloved, it can be such a shock to her heart that she is oblivious to her disrespectful reactions toward her husband, though any man watching could see it plainly.

The mature one in the marriage seldom moves second.

A wife has one driving need--to feel loved. When that need is met she is happy. A husband has one driving need--to feel respected. When that need is met he is happy. When either of these needs isn’t met, things get crazy. Love and Respect reveals why spouses react negatively to each other, and how they can deal with such conflict quickly, easily and biblically.

As strong and powerful as marriage bonds can become, our deepest dependency must be on the Lord, not another human being.

It’s so easy to dismiss our spouse as childish because we don’t have the same vulnerabilities they do.

Your position in Christ is what counts, not your less-than-perfect performance.